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Gunwook has always liked Gyuvin.
He’s liked Gyuvin since his first day of middle school. Since he was 13 years old.
Entering middle school for the first time as a painfully shy person — you could imagine Gunwook’s pain. From his first step into the school compound to his assigned seat in the classroom, he couldn’t help but feel like a ticking time bomb of nerves that could explode any second. He didn’t look up even once, instead staring at his own hands the entire time.
Until a small boy too energetic for his own good came bounding into the classroom, laughter erupting from his mouth. Gunwook had looked up, and it only took one glance at the boy’s dopey grin, smiling eyes and floppy brown hair for him to fall. Head over heels.
He watched with wide eyes as the boy hopped over to him and sat in the seat next to him. Gunwook’s never felt his heart pound so hard in his life. The boy was so close to him that he could smell the fresh laundry scent from his clothes.
He later got to know that the boy’s name was Kim Gyuvin, and he was beautiful. In every single way possible. 13 year old boys were awful — immature, hormonal, crude. But somehow Gyuvin didn’t possess any of those traits. When the boys in his class made fun of their teacher, Gyuvin furrowed his eyebrows like an angry pup and berated them, “That’s not nice, guys.” During PE, Gyuvin would always purposely pick the kids who weren’t athletic first so they wouldn’t be left out in the end.
Gunwook and Gyuvin were best friends for all of middle school. They were inseparable. Went through thick and thin together. They’d seen each other through everything — for instance, when Gyuvin grew twice his height in just one year and suddenly became taller than Gunwook, Or when Gunwook got accepted into the school’s anti-bullying club that he wanted to be part of for so long. They’d been with each other through all that.
And although Gunwook loved constantly being alongside Gyuvin, and loved doing everything together with the boy who seemed to make everything better, it came with a consequence:
The unavoidable feelings.
As Gunwook and Gyuvin got older and entered high school together, the former’s feelings only blossomed and grew even stronger. He’d try to keep them discreet, push his butterflies down his throat into the pit of his stomach where they’d never escape. And on most days he’d think he’s doing a pretty good job at concealing his crush, but on some days when he catches himself looking into Gyuvin’s marbly deep brown eyes just a little too long, he can’t help but get the urge to just let it all out.
Scream, shout, hold a signboard that reads “I LOVE MY STUPID BEST FRIEND KIM GYUVIN!!” Anything to make his feelings for Gyuvin weigh a little lighter on his chest. Some days, Gyuvin gets too much for Gunwook to bear.
Like today, right now, when Gyuvin’s sipping at his choco milk intently. Gunwook’s heart swells up at the puppy-like sight but swallows it down, instead letting out a teasing laugh. “You look dumb.”
Gyuvin shoots him a glare with those big brown eyes, making his expression look way cuter than it should have been. “Shut up. Don’t act like you don’t love choco milk too.”
Gunwook does. Of course he does. Gunwook and Gyuvin were best friends — of course they had literally everything in common. Gunwook can’t deny the swelling feeling in his chest every time he remembers something the both of them like — it just feels like they were meant to be.
“Not as much as you do. 몰티즈.”
Calling Gyuvin a Maltese was natural to Gunwook, who thought Gyuvin reminded him an awful lot of the small dog, and the name stuck. Gunwook loves the nickname mainly because it was amusing to him how such a tiny dog resembles Gyuvin who’s more than 6ft tall.
Gunwook listens to Gyuvin talk for a bit while waiting for their teacher to arrive. He’s excitedly showing Gunwook a photo of his (ugly) dog wearing a sweater when their teacher walks in, which forces the two boys to stop and look up.
Gunwook’s still thinking about his convo with Gyuvin and doesn’t really register anything their teacher is saying, and he’s still soundlessly laughing over Eumppappa. But then someone, a stranger , walks into their class and his breath is immediately taken away.
At first glance, Gunwook already realises that this stranger was different . He was striking. The boy’s complexion was incredibly pale, dark eyes and dark black hair contrasting beautifully with his face. He was tall and lanky, maybe even taller than Gunwook. The kid’s handsomeness was obvious. His face practically commanded attention. Loud gasps and squeals came from all sides of the classroom, from excited classmates delighted at the addition of an eye candy to their class.
However, the only sound that Gunwook really notices was a soft, almost invisible gasp from right beside him.
Gyuvin?
Gunwook turns his head around so fast he almost gets whiplash. His best friend seemed to be stuck in a trance. His eyes were huge, fixated on the newcomer, and his jaw was completely slack. Gunwook would have teased Gyuvin about his expression if the situation had been different.
If he hadn’t just seen his crush of 5 years fall in love with someone else in front of his own eyes.
He snaps his eyes back to his desk, staring down at it fiercely.
__
“Gyu, let’s go get lunch-“
Before he could finish, Gunwook’s rudely cut off by Gyuvin who immediately springs up from his seat at the sound of the lunch bell and dashes away. Surprised, his eyes follow Gyuvin all the way to—
Oh.
The newcomer’s desk.
Gunwook looks away, suddenly finding the sight of his hands fiddling extremely interesting. He swallows down the sinking feeling in his gut, and pulls out his best natural grin when he sees Gyuvin pull the newcomer over out of the corner of his eye. Gyuvin’s smiling his usual puppy smile, the one that he uses when he’s extremely happy. Gunwook usually loves it, but right now, he wants nothing but that smile wiped off Gyuvin’s face.
“Gunwook, Ricky. Ricky, Gunwook.”
Ricky nods at Gunwook and smiles slightly, obviously still shy. On closer look of his face, Gunwook sees the boy’s striking resemblance to that rich Chinese actor his mom used to watch. Was it Wang Hedi? Ricky could pass off as his son. Or he might as well be, with his shiny and fancy accessories decorating his neck and a few fingers. They were all wearing the same uniform but somehow it looks completely different on Ricky. Gunwook pushes the uncomfortable feeling down.
Gyuvin turns to Ricky and says, “Gunwook’s my best friend. You guys will get along so well.”
He then turns to Gunwook. “I’ve invited Ricky to sit with us during lunch!”
Gunwook nods with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, trying not to let his face darken with disappointment.
As the three of them walk, with Gunwook trailing behind a little while Gyuvin talks his mouth off to Ricky, he feels a subtle ache in his chest.
__
Gunwook doesn’t want to admit it, but Ricky’s great.
He’s handsome, but he’s also kind, soft spoken, gentle and charming. At the lunch table, Ricky converses enthusiastically with Gunwook, which Gunwook somehow didn’t expect.
“Sorry, my Korean isn’t that good yet. Am I clear enough for you?” Ricky smiles sheepishly, pearly white teeth poking through his rosy lips. He said “am I clear enough for you”, not “can you understand me”. It was irritating how perfect he was and honestly, it would be kind of hard not to fall in love with him.
So Gunwook feels like a horrible person for wanting Ricky to just disappear.
Because Ricky clicked with everyone he knew so fast. He fit into their friend group like he’s always belonged there. He started joking around with Matthew as soon as the two met. He spoke a little Chinese to Hao and immediately became best buddies with him, when Gunwook had to try for weeks to get Hao to even talk back to him. He even managed to charm Yujin who let Ricky pinch his cheeks when he didn’t even let Gyuvin do so.
But the worst of all was the effect Ricky had on Gyuvin. His Gyuvin.
Gyuvin and Ricky were polar opposites in Gunwook’s eyes. If Gyuvin was a chocolate maltese, Ricky was a strawberry cat. Warm VS cold. Sunshine VS rain. Loud VS quiet. Ricky and Gyuvin were nothing like him and Gyuvin, who had so many things in common he wouldn’t be able to count it even on 20 fingers. They had been best friends for 5 years.
But somehow, Gyuvin looks at Ricky with a gaze Gunwook’s never even seen before. It was like Ricky’s existence unsheathed this new, unfamiliar side of Gyuvin that’s stranger to Gunwook. All of a sudden, Gyuvin’s looking at Ricky with such tender gazes, so tender that Gunwook didn't think he was even capable of making such an expression. He’s always catching Gyuvin secretly looking at Ricky across the room during class, his eyes all glazed over with an emotion Gunwook would never be able to say out loud.
Gyuvin’s never looked at Gunwook so beautifully before. So you can’t blame Gunwook for his anger, his jealousy, his want.
And as the weeks go by, Gunwook feels cracks forming in his heart, so much yearn within him that it could burst out any second.
__
Gunwook trails behind Gyuvin and Ricky. Walking behind those two was becoming more and more common for Gunwook. Was it possible to get déjà vu so often?
Gunwook internally cringes at himself when recollections of lunch earlier flash across his mind.
__
“I’ve never been to a photobooth before.” Ricky said, spooning some rice into his mouth.
Gyuvin’s eyes were huge, and he immediately stared at Ricky in disbelief. “You haven’t?”
Ricky shook his head. “I didn’t see any back in Shanghai.” Gunwook doesn’t miss the way Gyuvin’s eyes fix onto the soft wave of Ricky’s hair as it moves.
Gyuvin slammed his fork down resolutely. “That won’t do. I’ll bring you today. Let’s go after school.”
Ricky smiled. “Really? Okay then.”
Gunwook felt a sinking feeling in his gut. He felt repulsed when his mind flashes back to the time he and Gyuvin both had their first photobooth experience with each other. He didn’t want anyone else to take a photobooth picture with Gyuvin, much less Ricky. It was their thing.
And that’s why he couldn’t control himself and abruptly stood up. “Can I go with you guys?”
Gunwook immediately regretted speaking as soon as the sentence left his mouth. Gyuvin and Ricky both stare at him a second too long, and Gunwook’s ears burn with embarrassment. He suddenly strongly hoped that they’d reject him.
But then Ricky grinned from ear to ear and nodded at him. “Of course, Gunwook-ah.”
__
The 3 of them enter the photobooth store. It’s not a single booth, but a large shop with multiple booths and a wide array of props for the photos. Ricky gasps in amazement and rushes over to the headbands, picking them up one by one. Gunwook snaps his eyes away at the surface of Gyuvin’s endeared smile.
Gunwook distracts himself by browsing through the headbands too. He hears Ricky speak.
“Which one should I wear? There’s too many.”
Gunwook looks up and discreetly stares at Gyuvin and Ricky through the large mirror right in front of the prop displays. Gyuvin’s deep in thought, looking through the headbands carefully. Ricky’s smile grows only an inch wider but it doesn’t go unnoticed by Gunwook.
After a while, Gyuvin’s eyes brighten when he finds the perfect headband. “ Ah! This one.” Gyuvin’s standing behind Ricky, and he places a pair of white kitty ears on Ricky’s head. Ricky’s eyes go wide and he does a little punch action at Gyuvin, who bursts out laughing. “What? You’re a kitty.” Gyuvin says. Ricky grumbles. “Shut up.”
Gyuvin smiles so hard at Ricky through the mirror Gunwook swears it’s almost reaching his ears. Just then, Ricky decides to spin around, and his face is suddenly too close to Gyuvin’s for Gunwook’s liking. Gunwook’s heart drops as he watches Gyuvin’s smile drop into something more serious, more tender. Ricky blinks slowly at him, mouth slightly open, and the two of them stare into each other’s eyes wordlessly for a second. Gunwook feels like he’s intruding into something extremely personal. The feeling makes him want to shrivel up and die because why was he, Gyuvin’s best friend of 5 years, intruding on Ricky and Gyuvin who had known each other for a mere month?
Ricky speaks up and cuts the silence short. “Then I think you should wear this one.” He picks up a headband with mocha Colored dog ears on it, and places it gently on Gyuvin’s head.
“It suits you. 몰티즈.”
Gunwook snaps his head up.
몰티즈 ? Maltese?
Did Ricky just call Gyuvin Maltese?
Gunwook’s ears are ringing. His heart is pounding too fast, too hard. No fair, he thinks, I made that name for him first. You stole it from me.
Ricky laughs a little at Gyuvin’s reddening face. “Did I get it right? The word?”
Gyuvin nods soundlessly, brain too incoherent to form words. Gunwook’s heart aches in his chest a little— no, a lot more than normal.
Even when Gunwook’s been calling Gyuvin Maltese for 5 years, he’s never had such a reaction before.
Gunwook suddenly feels the sickening need to leave. Get out of the shop. Away from Ricky and definitely away from Gyuvin.
He puts down the dog-ear headband in his hand and speaks, willing his voice to stay steady. “Guys, I have to go. My mom texted me and wants me home. You guys go ahead.”
Ricky and Gyuvin seem to snap back to reality at the sound of Gunwook’s voice.
“Ah, really?” Gyuvin says. He’s pouting but Gunwook can see the joy dancing in his eyes. He guesses that he can’t blame Gyuvin but it still hurts the same.
Gunwook smiles and nods. “See you guys at school tomorrow.” With that, he quickly turns on his heel and walks off, trying his hardest to ignore the wetness welling up in his eyes.
__
The next day back at school, Gyuvin isn’t here. Gunwook thought that being away from Gyuvin after yesterday’s events would make him feel better, but apparently it had the opposite effect on him. He found himself thinking of Gyuvin, of his big brown eyes drooping in apology, of what he might’ve said to Gunwook today. Maybe he would’ve apologized for letting Gunwook leave like that. Maybe he’d say that it was awkward between him and Ricky yesterday without Gunwook around. Then he’d wrap his arms around Gunwook like a teddy bear like he always did and everything would go back to normal.
And speak of the devil. Gunwook’s phone dings with a message and he scrambles to unlock it, heart suddenly speeding up.
Kim maltese 🐶
Gunukkkk
I’m sick
:,(
Can you come over?
Gunwook smiles for what felt like the first time in forever. That’s right. Gyuvin would never just let him go. He hastily typed back a reply.
You
Why did you get sick dumbass
Ok but only if you buy me a pack of choco milk when you get better
Kim maltese 🐶
Deal
Just get over here quick
__
As soon as class ends, Gunwook rushes to the nearest convenience store to get Gyuvin some instant porridge and cooks it in store before making his way to Gyuvin’s house. He doesn’t even need to knock, he just types in the passcode and the door slides open.
He knows Gyuvin’s house like the back of his hand and heads straight for the brunette’s room. He finds Gyuvin coiled up in the blankets, face all red and puffy and unbearably cute . Gunwook has to resist squeezing Gyuvin’s face out of cuteness aggression when he says hoarsely, “you’re here?”
Gunwook nods and sets the porridge down. He furrows his brows at Gyuvin. “How’d you even get sick? You were completely fine yesterday.”
Gyuvin suddenly smiles bashfully, which has Gunwook narrowing his eyes. “What, did you eat some raw chicken?”
Gyuvin shakes his head. “Actually… It rained yesterday after you left, and Ricky didn’t bring an umbrella. So I gave him mine and ran back home.”
Gunwook swears his heart jerks then plummets all the way down to his feet. All his senses go numb. “Are you serious? You just let yourself get rained on?”
Gyuvin groans. “I know I probably shouldn’t have done that, but Ricky just looked so pitiful that I just had to lend my umbrella to him. And he looked so guilty for taking it but I couldn’t just leave them there-“
Gunwook hums. “You’ve never lent me your umbrella.”
Gyuvin gives Gunwook a bored look. “Duh, because you don’t get sick.”
And what if I don’t get sick? What if I say that just so you don’t worry? What if Ricky doesn’t get sick? You’d still lend him your umbrella either way, won’t you?
“Even so, you’ve never given me your umbrella before.”
Gyuvin seems genuinely confused. “Why do you keep talking about umbrellas?”
You’ve been my friend for so long, but you still don’t get it, do you?
Gunwook jerks his eyes away from Gyuvin. He busies himself with looking around Gyuvin’s room.
Bad idea.
Gunwook almost immediately spots a new photostrip pasted on his wall, with the others Gyuvin’s taken in the past. And he immediately recognises the new addition: it’s of Gyuvin and Ricky.
In the photostrip, the two of them are doing 4 different poses. They’re doing peace signs in the first. Winking in the second. Ricky’s doing his cat punch thing to Gyuvin in the third. Gyuvin’s just looking at a laughing Ricky in the fourth.
Ricky isn’t doing any of the stupid poses that Gunwook was always willing to do with Gyuvin. Yet Gyuvin pasted their photostrip alongside all of the ones taken with himself.
Ricky’s only known Gyuvin for a month. Gunwook’s known Gyuvin for 5 years. Yet Gyuvin pasted their photostrip alongside all of the ones taken with himself.
Does Ricky mean you forgot about me?
Gunwook can’t stay any longer. Not when Gyuvin keeps pounding at his heart like this. He pushes himself off the bed, eyes fixed onto the floor. “I’m going to go. Eat the porridge.”
Gyuvin widens his eyes. “So soon?”
Gunwook just nods and makes an excuse about his sister wanting him back early. Gyuvin’s sad to let him go but Gunwook can’t bring himself to care. He musters a smile and walks off, trudging to Gyuvin’s front door.
At that exact moment, Ricky walks in.
Gunwook shouldn’t even be surprised at this point. He just feels stupid. So, so stupid. All this time he thought Gyuvin texted him and only him, but turns out he texted Ricky too. And of course Ricky also knows the password to Gyuvin’s door lock. Maybe—no, Gyuvin’s definitely invited Ricky over too.
Ricky pulls his cap off, brushing his dark hair out of his eyes, then sees Gunwook and his eyes widen in surprise. “Gunwook! You’re here too?”
Gunwook doesn’t have the energy to continue faking a smile anymore. “Yeah. I was just leaving.” He looks down and sees the bag of medicine Ricky’s holding, and he realizes with a jolt that he should’ve bought medicine, not some dumb instant porridge. Gunwook somehow feels even worse.
Ricky is oblivious to all this. He raises his brows. “Why? You should stay.”
Gunwook stares right into Ricky’s eyes. “No, you stay and be with him. He’d want that more.”
With that, he walks off, ignoring the curious tilt of Ricky’s head at his words.
__
Gunwook stretches his arms. Ricky and Gyuvin are both seated opposite of him, focusing on their work.
To be honest, Gunwook has no clue why he’s still hanging around the both of them. For the sake of his heart, he should really steer clear of them. But he just can’t find it in him to say no when Gyuvin pulls out his puppy eyes and asks him if he’d want to join their study sessions to prepare for their exams.
And that’s why he’s with Ricky and Gyuvin again. The three of them are in the library, focusing on their own revision.
Gunwook’s in the middle of solving some math question he can’t wrap his head around and feels his lids getting heavier. So he decides to take a quick break to rest his eyes, and lowers his head onto his arms, falling asleep.
__
“But he’s here—“
Gunwook awakes to the sound of hushed whispers coming from across of him. He was just about to lift his head to rub his eyes but a voice he registers as Gyuvin says his name.
“Gunwook’s sleeping. Don’t worry.”
Gunwook ducks his head back down, peeking up through his bangs. Ricky and Gyuvin were seated across from him, facing each other. They didn’t notice that Gunwook had woken up. And were they always seated this close to each other?
“Okay. But make it quick.”
Gyuvin surges forward and presses his lips onto Ricky’s, hands coming up to grab onto Ricky’s arms for leverage.
Gunwook’s heart finally shatters.
He should look away but he can’t. He can’t stop staring at the way Gyuvin has his eyes open, watching Ricky, while Ricky savors the kiss with his eyes closed. The way their lips molded perfectly together. The two break apart, lightly panting, smiles on their faces. Ricky shoves Gyuvin lightly. “You’re so needy.” The brunette responds by grabbing Ricky’s face with his huge hands and squishing his cheeks, making Ricky shout in protest.
The sound of Gunwook’s heart breaking only rings louder in his ears. He ducks further down, trying to will his tears away.
That weekend, Gunwook lets it out. He sprawls himself over his bed, listening to Olivia Rodrigo with the volume cranked all the way up, tears streaming down his face.
But she's beautiful, she looks kind
She probably gives you butterflies
I hope you're happy
But not like how you were with me
I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go
So find someone great but don't find no one better
Gyuvin and Gunwook never dated, so why does this feel so much like a breakup to him?
__
On Sunday, Gunwook receives a text.
Kim maltese 🐶
Gunwook
You
What
Kim maltese 🐶
I have something to tell you (^_^*)
I wanted to tell you before anyone else
I’m dating Ricky now
We like each other
Gunwook’s already seen them kiss but he still wasn’t ready for Gyuvin to actually say it. His thumbs tremble over his keyboard.
Don’t date him. I like you.
Ditch him. I like you.
You
I knew it
Congrats Gyu
__
The first day back at school, Gyuvin and Ricky break the news to the rest. None of them really look shocked except Hanbin who’s always out of the loop, and he’s wide eyed at the confession.
Gunwook looks at Gyuvin and Ricky’s intertwined hands, at the way they grin cheekily at each other. He somehow feels numb at the sight.
__
It’s been 2 months since Gyuvin and Ricky started dating. It’s white day, and the two exchanged Pocky boxes to commemorate. Gyuvin bought Ricky strawberry, and Ricky got Gyuvin the chocolate flavor.
Gyuvin munches on the Pocky during class. He suddenly turns to Gunwook. “Why haven’t I ever seen you exchange Pocky with someone other than me?”
Gunwook shrugs. “I’ve never really liked anyone before.”
Gyuvin stops munching and he widens his eyes. “No way. You told me before that you liked someone!”
Gunwook takes a look at Ricky, sitting across the room with the box of strawberry Pocky on his desk. He shakes his head.
“Yeah, but it wasn’t really that serious.”