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The text reached him late in the afternoon. It was about eight when Tecchou’s phone vibrated against his leg during yet another meeting. Meetings were, unfortunately, his life at the moment, as the loss of their commander and the forced disbandment of the Hunting Dogs after the disaster of the past few weeks had put them under lots of fire and criticism.
People wanted to know if the Hunting Dogs took part in the Decay of the Angel’s grand plans, and countless voices called for their arrest after internal investigations revealed more of their ‘cruel’ ways. Tecchou was sure that, if it weren’t for the recent scandal, most people would not have cared that much about torture and the like—most citizens wanted to feel safe, and as long as criminals were put behind bars, they were satisfied, no matter what tactics had been used.
But unfortunately , that wasn’t the reality he lived in, so he sat in his third meeting of the week which was just dragging on and on like gum under his shoe.
Tecchou pulled out his phone and turned it on beneath the table so he wouldn’t seem rude, but the text that popped up on his lock screen almost had him jump up from his seat.
It was a message from the former vice commander of the Hunting Dogs, simple and straight to the point as ever, with only one word:
‘Jouno’
Tecchou sucked in a sharp breath when his still wounded leg hit the underside of the table, making the government and military officials’ mugs dance in circles and getting dangerously close to spilling coffee onto important files.
Immediately, all eyes were on him. Some were observing him with worry and fear of an outburst, some looked annoyed, and some others had disgust glinting in their eyes that Tecchou had seen too much of in the past few weeks.
Tecchou tapped on the shoulder of the government agent who had been assigned to him in order to observe him and keep him in check, track any suspicious activity, but also protect him from incoming harm. He turned his phone and showed him the message.
The agent looked at it with a deep frown, then at Tecchou, whose eyes probably told him more than a million words.
He sighed and nodded, motioning for him to go. Dissatisfied looks wandered from Tecchou to his overseer for dismissing him so easily, but neither of them cared right now—the agent didn’t care much about the opinions of others and most definitely knew of Jouno’s importance to Tecchou, and Tecchou didn’t care because he had far better things to do right now.
He let his phone slide back into his pocket and grabbed his crutches before taking off.
The government facility was busy , as always. People in business clothes and serious faces quickly walked past Tecchou. Occasionally, people eyed him suspiciously or bumped into him on purpose, but that was something he was used to at this point.
Some corners of the endless hallways were still harder to navigate, as floors and walls were still being repaired from the attacks, which led to him having to wait for others to pass first before he could continue on his way. He impatiently tapped his fingers on the handles of his crutches which earned him a few annoyed looks.
There was one particular place that always bothered him. It didn’t have windows or doors around the construction works, so while Tecchou waited he felt a bit unsafe. His back was free to be attacked and he had nowhere to run.
After a week or so he had found an alternative route that was a bit slower. It did, however, allow him to avoid parts of the building where he didn’t feel safe.
At this point, Tecchou knew his way around there quite well. He had seen lots of it since the moment he woke up again and had to follow people around in handcuffs for ‘protective measures’ and whatnot.
He quickly walked his alternative route by some offices and found his way to the elevator. He punched the button for the ground floor until it glowed red and the doors closed.
While he leaned against the wall, he grabbed his phone again.
‘Did you talk to Jouno already?’ , he asked Teruko. The reply came shortly before the doors opened again.
‘He’s only spoken to nurses and doctors’ and ‘Technically we’re not allowed to talk to him but’ she added a shrugging emoji which made Tecchou smile at the screen.
The doors opened and Tecchou glanced at the floor number to make sure that he was on the right one, then he stepped outside.
Without much care for the people around him, he reached the front doors and caught a taxi in front of the building. He gave the driver the address of the hospital.
Not even ten minutes later, he stood in front of his destination. Tecchou looked up at the hospital’s walls, grey against the slowly setting sun. Even in the nice lighting they looked as uninviting as ever, and he was sure that would never change.
Tecchou pulled out his phone once more. Jouno hadn’t messaged him—Tecchou didn’t expect him to, as he probably wasn’t even allowed to. Or maybe he simply couldn’t because of his injuries. But part of Tecchou grew restless. His palms were sweaty and slippery on his crutches and his shirt was glued to his back , so he felt it with every move. It was uncomfortable and Tecchou wished nothing more than to slip out of his skin and abandon this feeling.
Luckily, the inside of the hospital was colder, which made the sudden hotness and discomfort of his body more bearable.
Just like the government building, Tecchou knew the hospital all too well at this point. He had visited it countless times while he had waited for Jouno to wake up. He had sat by his bed, talked to doctors, and visited Teruko and Tachihara. Tecchou had spent quite some time in the hospital for himself as well, and still had to go back for check-ups regularly, much to his dismay.
He had also seen an Agency member or two, both as a visitor and being visited. Especially that boy Kenji had grown fond of him, and they had spent some time together to cope with the worry about their loved ones.
It had felt a lot less lonely then, and a nice change for him. Going from only seeing people in the government and military, even if those people were his friends, to an outsider with a different perspective had helped him immensely. They had done slow and normal things, like getting ice cream at the truck just outside the entrance when Tecchou still hadn’t been able to walk far, or going down to a park once Tecchou had recovered enough .
Anything to get him out of these god damn walls.
Tecchou had always disliked hospitals, and he still did. They reeked of sickness and blood, anger and mourning. He had held his comrades’ and friends’ hands as they died. Miserably and in pain, far away from their loved ones. This was what hospitals were for him.
He was aware that they also saved people, as they were saving Jouno right now, but it was never what he associated with them.
Looking back, it was odd to call it ‘saving’ him, even though Tecchou had also known hospitals for his surgeries and recoveries from injuries. However, the amount of times he had been strapped to a table and stared at the bright lamp above him until anaesthetics took him away for a few hours exceeded any number he could count up to. The irreparable damage those had done to his body and mind, as he had realised, was something he had only recently begun to notice. Although he was not ready to confront this yet.
Still lost in thought, Tecchou found himself in front of the door to Jouno’s room. He had almost missed it, since the guards who usually stood there and listened to any conversation happening in the room weren’t there this time. Probably Teruko’s doing. Tecchou wondered how much time that would give him, and also made a mental note that he needed to thank Teruko.
He put his hand on the door handle and took a deep breath, then another one. There was a faint taste of blood in his mouth from how much he had been chewing on the inside of his cheek, so he swallowed all that while a mild shudder ran down his back.
Then he knocked to announce himself.
Tecchou finally set foot into the room. It was a regular hospital room scene: blinking machines and monitors showing numbers he didn’t understand, white walls and bedsheets, and the usual smell of medication and blood. However, there were also fresh flowers and sweets by the bedside. It was a gesture Tecchou was unsure would be appreciated by Jouno, but showing him that people cared for his well-being was nice in Tecchou’s opinion.
Jouno sat upright in his bed, facing Tecchou. It wasn’t possible for him to see details of Jouno’s face, as the golden evening sun made the room glow a bit too bright to make out expressions. And yet, he stood there for a moment to stare at him. Over a month must have passed, so seeing him awake felt surprising even after Teruko had announced it.
Tecchou realised that Jouno was waiting for his guest to announce himself, so he loosened his grip on his right crutch and hit against the metal and plastic with his palm. Gently, three times in a row.
He watched Jouno’s reaction to it: he sat up a bit more and his mouth opened slightly. Not to say anything, but in surprise. Tecchou waited for another reaction or signal, and Jouno seemed to be thinking as well. A frown almost closed the gap between his eyebrows while Jouno shifted on his bed a little.
Without being able to tell what Jouno was thinking or feeling, Tecchou suddenly felt like he shouldn’t have come. He was afraid that Jouno wouldn’t want to have him there and that he would tell him to leave. Now that he thought about it, it felt like a real possibility. He had been selfish to assume that Jouno would want his company immediately after waking up, especially because he didn’t have the chance to announce his visit or ask for permission. He should have been more considerate, especially after what had happened during the vampirism incident—if Jouno even remembered that.
But finally, Jouno seemed to collect himself.
His fingers were hesitant as he signed. Tecchou’s eyes followed them closely, as well as the word that Jouno formed with his lips, raising his eyebrows in a question.
“Tecchou?”
The man in question knocked against his crutch again—three times.
Jouno shook his head in disbelief and waved for him to come closer. He didn’t have to tell Tecchou twice.
As Tecchou approached the bed, Jouno pulled his legs closer to his body and patted on the newly freed spot where Tecchou sat down, leaning his crutches against the bed. He shuffled around a bit to make himself comfortable across from Jouno.
He took one last deep breath before he lifted his face to finally get a good look at his former partner of the Hun t ing Dogs. Jouno’s posture was bad. His shoulders hung down as though his arms weighed tons, and by how heavily his chest moved, Tecchou assumed that just making room for Tecchou had been a lot for him. He looked pale, sick, and like he was in a bit of pain, but he was alive and just that fact had a lump forming in Tecchou’s throat. He clenched his jaw to prevent a sob from escaping him. Seeing Jouno again was all he had wished for this past month. But now that he sat across from him, he didn’t know where to start.
Luckily, Jouno did. He motioned for Tecchou’s hands, and he complied immediately by gently putting them over Jouno’s.
They were shaking. Jouno’s hands were shaking ; Tecchou could clearly feel it. He felt the wires leading to them under his touch, but those were also shaking ever so slightly. It was probably because he had just woken up. He was still weak, Tecchou thought, so his hands shaking was natural. Although, Tecchou could feel the same in his own hands. And for him, it most definitely didn’t come from physical weakness.
Jouno’s signs were a bit unorganised, like he struggled to form them with slow and tired hands against how fast his brain was working.
Tecchou followed the signs both with his eyes and hands, feeling the familiar way Jouno’s fingers moved during conversations. It was something he had missed and appreciated a lot more now that he had it back.
“The doctors didn’t want to tell me if you and the others were alive. Told me to wait for government and military to talk to me first.”
Tecchou let out a shaky sigh as he watched Jouno’s face darken a bit.
“They gave me a vague run-down of what happened, though. That’s all they were allowed to do.”
Jouno’s hands halted for a bit. He seemed like he wanted to tell Tecchou more but then decided against it.
“How have you been?” he asked instead. While Tecchou thought about what to tell Jouno, their hand positions switched, so that Jouno’s hands held Tecchou’s to follow his signing without seeing it.
“Recovering,” he started. “I’ve been seeing Teruko and Tachihara a lot, whenever I have time between meetings with the government. They treated me like a prisoner at first but I’ve gained their trust, I think.” Jouno tensed a bit at that, but then nodded for Tecchou to continue. “It’s hard wrapping my head around everything and coming to terms with all that I have been wrong about. Creating distance between myself and the military is hard. Making decisions is hard when everyone else around me is so unsure about everything as well.”
Jouno nodded to show he was paying attention but he shifted around a bit, closer to Tecchou until their knees touched. It was odd—before the incident, he would have never imagined them in a position like this. It was comforting and new, but not in a bad way. A sudden shift in their relationship, but one that he welcomed.
Showing feelings had never been Jouno’s thing, and Tecchou was unsure if that had changed. Maybe it was just the exhaustion and confusion, and he would go back to throwing insults at him later, although Tecchou had always had the impression that they were somewhat close and could rely on their relationship—no matter if it was a friendship or a simple work relationship.
“Were you hurt badly?” Jouno asked when Tecchou kept his pause going for a while.
“Weird question coming from you,” Tecchou teased with quick signs, and Jouno leaned his head back in an annoyed groan. A smirk formed on Tecchou’s lips at that. He was glad to be able to bring out the side of Jouno he usually saw. “But yes. I’m still recovering. Teruko, Tachihara, and I decided to refuse any surgeries from our former surgeons for now. Though of course we still did our maintenance.”
He didn’t know how to explain it. It had become a silent agreement between the three, coming from a common place of sudden distrust and a loss. Also, since they weren’t allowed to work as of right now, or maybe even ever again, there was no need to recover within a day. It allowed him to heal his body and mind at a similar pace. Although, he was sure that the latter would take much, much longer.
Jouno nodded understandingly. He could probably relate to where they were coming from. And while the other former Hunting Dogs hadn’t wanted to make decisions for Jouno, there had been no further interventions with his body, either.
Now it was Tecchou’s turn to ask a question. One that burned on his mind ever since he had laid eyes on Jouno and pulled out his sword to fight against a man who couldn’t control his own body.
“Do you remember anything? From while you were a va—”
Jouno pulled his hands away, leaving Tecchou’s cold and empty.
Mentally, Tecchou cursed himself. The question had gone way too far, he had gotten too comfortable. Another selfish move made only to shut up his own feelings of guilt and get closure only for himself. He bit the inside of his cheek again, until he tasted the faintest bit of blood.
With a sigh, Tecchou tapped on his leg.
“I’m sorry.” In Morse code.
Jouno rubbed his hands over his face so that Tecchou couldn’t make out his expression. He was preparing himself to get kicked out, but Jouno knew him too well and motioned for him to stay where he was.
Letting himself fall back into his seat, Tecchou observed Jouno for a bit. His former partner seemed even more tired now, but it was more mental exhaustion than physical. Nevertheless, Jouno scooted closer to Tecchou once again. Despite the invasive question. Despite all.
A weight was lifted off Tecchou’s shoulders and he raised his hands to receive whatever Jouno had to tell him, but Jouno’s hands avoided his.
Instead, Jouno closed the gap between them and rested his forehead on Tecchou’s shoulder.
Tecchou was sure that Jouno could feel him tense up for a second, not knowing what to do. He pondered his options for a moment before he decided to give in to whatever thoughts were muddied by his anxiety.
Tecchou leaned his head to the side against Jouno’s, and wrapped his arms around his back. He might have grabbed onto the back of Jouno’s shirt, afraid he might slip through his fingers and disappear again, although that was embarrassing to admit.
It was warm. Jouno was warm. His breath tickled on Tecchou’s neck, and his hair on his cheek. A new feeling. A nice one. He couldn’t recall a single instance where Jouno could have possibly hugged him. No, he was very sure that this had never happened before. And so, it was a feeling that Tecchou didn’t want to ever forget.
When Jouno put his arms around Tecchou as well, he began to draw soothing circles on his back. It wasn’t clear to Tecchou if Jouno was trying to reassure or comfort him, or if he just needed something to do with his hands. Either way, Tecchou closed his eyes and focused on that touch. He focused on how close Jouno was to him, on how perfectly they could sink into each other’s arms, and just how nice it felt.
It was hard for him to guess what Jouno was thinking. It always was, but especially now. Jouno had never really expressed feelings or affection for Tecchou, so this certainly came as a surprise.
A smile made its way to Tecchou’s lips. He believed it was the first genuine one in a long time, so it was special to him. Closing his eyes, he tried to savour it even more.
He couldn’t deny that this was something he had wished for, for a long time, even. But the circumstances clouded the bliss of the moment.
No matter how hard he had tried to push it down, not remember it, the images flooded his brain whenever he closed his eyes or took just one second to relax. Betrayal, innocent blood on his hands, hurting people in favour of a man who had tried to kill them all. It weighed hard on him.
And then, when he had to see Jouno and raised his own sword against him—it was to clear his own conscience. He was part of the reason why Jouno had ended up bound to a hospital bed for so long. No matter how much Teruko and Tachihara had told him about self-defence, protecting himself and others by this, he still felt this overwhelming amount of guilt.
He didn’t know what his thought process was when he asked Jouno if he remembered. Maybe he would have wanted to never speak of it again, in case Jouno was unable to recall their encounter. He could have swept it under the rug and pretended it never happened while this aching feeling ate him alive from the inside like a bunch of parasites.
But, judging by Jouno’s reaction, he did remember. So there was no point in hiding. And it had been unpleasant for him, evidently and understandably, but Jouno had still wanted him there. He hadn’t asked him to leave, even after Tecchou asked about it. Quite the opposite of that, actually.
Tecchou tightened the hug as he felt a tear escape him. He buried his face in the crook of Jouno’s neck and held his breath for a moment before exhaling slowly. All this time , he hadn’t allowed himself to cry, but now he seemed to be about to start sobbing.
The hands on his back halted for a second before Jouno tightened his hug as well. A sob from Tecchou shook them both. It was one of those that couldn’t really be placed on either side of ‘happy’ or ‘sad’. It was somewhere on the scale between and outside of it at the same time. Because Jouno accepted him. Because Jouno didn’t seem to hate him. Because they were closer than ever, which would allow them to work through this.
They could finally rebuild their lives and shape them into something new that they controlled. There was hope for them.
Tecchou felt himself cry into Jouno’s embrace for what could have been minutes or even hours, he really couldn’t tell. Jouno was patient with him and held him the entire time, although Tecchou was sure he felt a slight shake of Jouno’s body as well. That was nothing he would ever bring up with him, though. Not yet , at least.
When his sobs finally died down, Jouno continued to hold him. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that he loosened his grip a little. For a moment, Tecchou thought that he would let go of him, but then he felt two of Jouno’s fingers tap on his back in Morse code.
“We are alive.”
Tecchou’s body shook again, but this time with a short, relieved laugh. He tapped back the same sentence.
“We are alive.”