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“So, Maddie, huh?”
Buck glanced up from the kid's menu he and Chris had taken to coloring on, his grip on the blue crayon tightening as he looked up at the almost concerned look on his friend's face. He glanced back down to the kid at his side who was too focused on getting the horse through the maze and to the stable to even listen to the adult’s conversation.
The crayon fell from Buck’s fingers and landed on the table with a soft thud, and he leaned back in the booth, eyes shifting over the other man's face before letting them connect with his soft brown eyes. “I really was not expecting her to be dating my coworker, or to be at that party, hell, even to be in L.A. Last I heard she was still living in Boston with Douchey-Doug.”
Eddie let his brows furrow at the man's statement, “Buck, Doug is gone. A few months after Maddie came to L.A., he found her. He ended up kidnapping her and stabbing Chim. Maddie had to defend herself.”
His breath caught in his throat at the new information. When he was a kid he had his suspicions about Maddie’s husband, but she wouldn’t ever admit it. Even when he was 19, begging her to leave with him. “How- uh, how long ago was that?” The unspoken question was clear, how long had she been free of Doug, free to find her little brother without putting him in danger?
There was a pause as Eddie tried to think back on the months, “I think maybe like 10 or 11 months ago. It was right around Christmas last year.” They were a couple of days into November, just getting past Halloween. Almost a whole year had passed.
Neither spoke for a while, the silence only being broken by Chris’ excited call when he finished the maze, Buck moving to join him at a game of Tic-tac-toe. Eddie watched them with a fond smile, not pushing his friend any further.
It was as Chris was starting their third game that Buck spoke to Eddie again, “Did she ever mention me?” It was selfish. Buck was mature enough to admit that, but he had to know.
His eyes flick up to Eddie’s as the dark-haired man spoke, “Yeah, of course. She talked about you all the time, wanting to find you and introduce you to Chim and everyone. She just didn’t know how to find you."
The loud scoff that escaped him was unavoidable, it was cut short by the press of his knuckles against his lips, his elbow resting on the table, Buck’s eyes never leaving Eddie’s. “She didn’t know how to find me?” Buck paused, eyes shifting to the paper and drawing another ‘X’ above Chris’ ‘O’, blocking a win. “You know what the funniest thing about that is? I’ve had the same phone number since I was 11 when Maddie got me a phone. The same one that she memorized and made me promise not to change.”
With that, the conversation was dropped, switching to lighter topics, to Chris and his schoolwork. Buck and Chris had already gotten along well during the tsunami, and that bond had transferred over easily, even after having not seen each other in 5 months.
Eddie learned more about his coworker in that hour than he ever had in the last 2 months of working with him. And damn if he didn't want to know more.
This kind-hearted and insecure man sitting across from him was not the same as the over-confident, kind of cocky but sweet man he had met that first day.
He had seen Buck smile before, at patients, strangers, the team, and even at him, but nothing would ever compare to the smile Buck gave Chris when the boy rambled on about topics that even Eddie himself could never comprehend. It was the kind that almost reached his ears, that made his eyes crinkle and shine and made Eddie’s heart speed up.
Whatever schoolboy crush Eddie had picked up for the blonde man had multiplied tenfold. He’s not even sure that it could even be classified as a crush anymore. This wasn't that Eddie just liked the way Buck looked, not anymore.
But now was definitely not the time for him to delve into that, not yet.
“Can we Dad? Please, please, please!” Eddie let his eyes come back into focus, looking over at his son’s pleading face in confusion. “The park, Dad. Can we please go to the park?” Chris looked from his dad to Buck, his bottom lip jutted out in a dramatic pout.
A small smile found its way to Eddie’s lip as he responded, tilting his head in Buck’s direction, “I don’t know mijo, I’m sure Buck has way better things to do on his day off than to go to some park with us.”
The teasing tone makes Buck smile, his eyes rolling fondly, “And miss hanging out with my favorite Diaz?” He ruffles Chris’ hair, pulling the boy into his side, “No way.”
“You’re supposed to be my best friend, not my 8-year-olds, remember?” The older man jutted out his bottom lip, forming the exact face Chris had been making only moments ago.
Buck let out a laugh, shooting his eyes from one Diaz boy to the other, “Sorry, Eds.” He shrugs his shoulders animatedly, his lips pressing together to form a ‘What can you do?’ expression.
Buck’s next shift came 3 days after the barbecue and just a day after his lunch date with Eddie and Chris. He had fully expected an onslaught of questions and demands from his usually nosy teammates, but it never happened. The only mention of the incident was at the very beginning of the shift when Buck was putting his bag away and Chimney walked up and squeezed his shoulder, “It’s not my place to push, but when you’re ready, let her explain herself. At your own pace, Buckaroo.” He slid a piece of paper with a number on it into Buck’s hand before walking off to do his job.
He threw the paper in the bottom of his bag. Out of sight, out of mind.
Over the next month, Buck did what all Buckley’s did best and ignored the looming problem, or well, not so much ignoring, and more, just pushing it so far into the back of his mind and busying himself every chance that he could, that he just, forgets.
Buck spent more time at the Diaz house than he had at his own loft, only going home at night to sleep and shower. Now that the 8-year-old had his friend back, he was reluctant to ever let him go.
The first day that Eddie had called him to come to their house, he spent most of it with Christopher showing him all of his toys and drawings and anything he could think of. When Chris went to bed, it took too many negotiations and ‘I need to show Buck this-’ before he finally went down. Buck and Eddie sat in the living room and drank a beer that night, sharing stories from their times before the 118. Talking about their families, and ultimately, Shannon and Abby.
In all the years that Buck had been alive, he had never had a friend that he could talk to so easily, he had never had a best friend. As a kid, it had been hard to keep friends, Buck had always been the class clown, and in his high school days, the player, he was too much for anyone to want to keep around. After leaving home, he never stayed in one place long enough to have anything more than acquaintances. When he settled in Santa Monica, he had coworkers at the bar that he semi-got along with, and then he met Abby and he had a girlfriend he could confide anything to, then she left. After her, Buck didn’t let himself get close to anyone, platonically or romantically.
Then he joined the 118, and he didn’t try to befriend the team, they just wormed their way into his heart so fast that he couldn’t stop them even if he had wanted to. He didn’t mind.
Buck had been alone for 2 hours after getting off their 24-hour shift before the quiet had become too much, it was well past a decent time for him to call up any of his friends, especially after their long shift, so he decided to go to a bar. There was the thought at the back of his mind about reverting to old ways and finding a cute girl to take his mind off the weirdly intense crush he had developed for his friend, and for a moment, he gave in to it.
He was 2 beers deep, flirting with a hot redhead, her hand lingering suggestively on his bicep when his phone buzzed in his pocket, successfully stealing his attention. He smiled sheepishly at her as he pulled it out, her hand slipping from him. ‘Eddie Diaz’ scrawled across the top immediately concerned him, the time showed just 10 minutes to 2 AM, and there was no reason he would be calling this late unless it was an emergency.
No glace was even spared to the woman before he was stepping out of the bar and accepting the call with concern etching his voice, “Eddie?”
“Hey Buck, I know it’s late, but Chris had a nightmare, and he keeps calling for you and-” Eddie’s rushed explanation was cut short by Buck’s relieved sigh, a nightmare, he could handle a nightmare.
“I’ll be there in 30.” There was a sharp inhale on the other line, “No, it’s too late, I can’t ask you to do that. I was just going to have you talk to him over the phone.”
The blonde man smiled, his head tilting up to the sky, “I’m already out and I was about to head home. Your place is on the way.” It was not a complete lie and Buck would die on that hill. He was wanting to leave the bar, just, not to go home, or at least, not alone, and their house is on the way to his own.
Eddie sighed in defeat, “Okay, but only if it's not making you go out of the way or anything. I’m sure he’d love to see you.”
It took Buck a few minutes longer to get to the Diaz’s than he thought it would, getting held up at the bar trying to close out his tab while the redhead, who apparently couldn’t take a hint, tried to still take him home. He gets there at 2:37 AM, opting to text Eddie rather than knocking, just in case.
The door opened only seconds later, a sleepy Eddie wearing a crumpled white shirt and a pair of sweatpants urging him in and shutting the door quietly behind them. There were no words exchanged as they walked the familiar halls to Chris’ bedroom.
Eddie pushed the door open and stepped to the side, letting Buck wander into the room first before following him in, leaving the door open a crack and moving to stand next to it, leaning up against the wall.
The blonde man took in the sight of the watery-eyed boy lying in the bed, comforter pushed off to the side in the midst of his nightmare.
“Buck.” The relieved voice was all it took for the man to strip his black jacket off, let it fall to the floor, and climb onto the bed next to the boy. He laid with his back perched on the headboard and pulled Chris into his arms, the boy’s head landing on his chest, the still flowing tears soaking through his shirt.
“Do you wanna talk about it, Superman?” There was no answer for a solid few minutes as the two lay there.
Chris let out a shaky breath and whispered into the quiet room, “You didn’t hold onto me when we fell, and I lost you.”
He let his eyes squeeze shut and kissed the top of Chris’ head, the memory flashing through his mind, the water shifting the truck, toppling both of them over the side of it, his hand gripping the boy’s arm underwater. “But I held on, remember? I’m right here with you, I’m not lost.”
The 8-year-old turned his face further into Buck’s chest and mumbled lowly, “But you weren’t.”
“What do you mean bud?” Buck questioned, pulling his head back to stare confusedly at Chris.
“After-after…” No one in the room needs him to say the word to understand, “You were gone, for months. I was scared you left, that you were gone like mom is.”
Chris thought that he had died. Fuck that ripped Buck’s soul in two pieces. “I didn’t though, see? I’m here, I’m okay, and you aren't getting rid of me anytime soon, okay?"
There was a sniffle from Chris and Buck had to blink away his own tears, "You promise?"
"I promise, Chris. I am going to be around so often that you'll be begging your dad to get rid of me." There's a giggle from the boy and a low chuckle from across the room, reminding Buck that Eddie is still standing there, watching them. "So how about you try and get some more sleep and maybe, if Dad is okay with it, the three of us can go to the park tomorrow.”
Relaxing with a soft nod, Chris let the pull of sleep take him, whispering a soft, "I missed you, Buck." before his breath was evening out, silence taking over the room.
Buck sat still until Eddie moved from his post on the wall to the door, his head tilting in a silent invitation to join him. He slid Chris off him slowly, pausing when the kid moved, cuddling into the pillow beneath him, and then stands, grabbing his jacket from the floor and tiptoeing out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.
Eddie sat on the couch in the living room, two cups of water set on the table before him, his eyes trained on his hands in his laps where his fingers fiddled with each other idly.
“Hey,” Buck called lowly, walking around the couch and plopping onto the cushion next to Eddie, his shoulder barely brushing against the other man in the movement.
There’s a smile sent back to him, and a cup of water being shoved into his hands. Buck takes a sip of the water, as he places his jacket onto the arm of the couch next to him.
Eddie took the moment to observe his friend, he wore a maroon shirt that pulled at the buttons on his chest when he stretched his arms too far and a pair of black jeans that hugged the curves of his thighs. His well-put-together look was a stark contrast to Eddie's own sleep-ruffled appearance. There was still a roughness to Buck, his usually gelled back curls were sprawled across his forehead, and he smelled faintly of beer and sweat. “You look good. Were you at the bar?”
It came out before he could stop himself, a cringe overtaking his face that he covered by grabbing his cup and drinking from it.
Buck let his fingers tap along the side of his plastic cup lightly, “Oh, uhm, yeah. I couldn’t sleep after shift and I just, I don’t know, I need out of the loft.”
“Well, thank you for coming Buck. I know you didn’t sign up for 2 AM phone calls to help calm down an 8-year-old. I just couldn’t get him to relax.” Eddie explained, leaning back into the couch, his head resting on the cushion, tilted to the ceiling.
The blond shifted, his body turning towards the other man, one knee bending to rest on the couch between them, “You can always call me, Eddie. I care about that kid a lot, and if that means 2 AM calls, then I’m here for it. Does he get nightmares about the tsunami often?”
The silence in between speaking should be awkward but it felt natural, a lull in conversation as the other thinks of what to say. “Not as much as right after it. There were some nights I couldn’t calm him down; we would be awake until the alarm went off for work or school. It got better after he talked to a therapist. He would always call for you, but he couldn’t remember your last name, and no one was able to find what hospital you had been taken to.”
Buck looked down at his cup, watching the water ripple with each breath he took, “When I woke up in the hospital, I had been so out of it I didn’t even remember what had happened for the first day.” He takes a deep breath and sees Eddie look over out of the corner of his eye, “I had lost a ton of blood and had over-exerted myself by the time we got to the field hospital. I still don’t remember getting there and handing him off. There are a little over 2,500 stations in California and hundreds of Firefighters named Diaz. I didn’t even know what department you were based out of. By the time I joined the 118, I had given up on finding Chris. It wasn’t even a thought in my mind that you could be the Firefighter Diaz I had been looking for.”
A hand landed softly on his knee, the thumb brushing over the fabric of his jeans causing him to look up at the soft smile on the man's face. “We all found each other. It worked out in the end, right? It took a while but, we’re all here.” He placed his hand over Eddie’s and squeezed gently before letting his hand rest there on top of his.
They stayed like that for a while, leaned up against the back of the couch, their heads facing each other, hands connected. Neither wanted to break the moment they had created, just basking in it instead.
Ultimately, it was Buck who broke the silence, standing up from the couch and stretching, their hands falling apart, reluctantly announcing that he had to go home, and they both had to get rested for their park day tomorrow or Chris would be upset.
Eddie called Buck at noon that day, cashing in on the park trip Buck had promised his kid. They stopped for lunch first, grabbing some sandwiches from a nearby deli and eating at a table in the park, having small discussions about recent calls and Christopher's science project they had begun working on in class last week. It was all so domestic, something neither of the men thought they would get to experience again.
Soon the sandwiches were gone, and Chris was beginning to get restless sitting at the table, so the three moved, the two adults sitting at one of the benches as Chris played where he could.
In Buck's haste to leave his apartment this morning, dumping his work bag out on the island to try and find the specific shirt he wanted to wear, that he knew he had thrown in the bag as an extra just days before, he had come upon the piece of paper with Maddie's new phone number written on it, he had put it in his pocket where he kept fidgeting with it. After a month of pushing it off, ignoring the looks she'd send him every time she dropped by the station to see Chimney, he had decided that it was time for an explanation. But it had been seven years since he last actually spoke with her, he couldn't do it alone.
He had spent years blaming himself, because it was always him that messed up, that had been ingrained in his mind by their parents since he was a child. It was Abby who had finally convinced him that it wasn't his fault, that not everything that had happened when he was younger was his fault. (But then again, she left too, didn't she?)
In one of the lulls in their conversations, Buck turns nervously to Eddie, fingers tapping against the wood of the bench before he clasps them together in his lap to keep them still, “Hey Eddie?”
The man turned from watching his son playing to look over at Buck, “Yeah, man?” He asked curiously, seeing his friend's nervousness.
“I was thinking of asking Maddie to meet. Would you uhm, can you- I mean-”
He didn’t need to ask, Eddie placed his hand on Buck's shoulder and squeezed softly, “Of course, Buck. Just let me know when, okay?”
Buck let the grateful smile sit on his face as they both turned back to watch Chris again. Neither paid any mind to the way Eddie's hand still sat on Buck’s shoulder, having only shifted to a more comfortable position when they turned.
Neither were ready to delve into that. At least not yet.