Chapter Text
Alexis Ness knows Michael Kaiser like the back of his hand. It's his role, his pleasure.
He knows Kaiser's favorite breakfast, his coffee order, the rhythm of his snoring. Ness knows the exact number of thorns that decorates the vines that loop around Kaiser's arm, and if you asked Ness could map his eyes down to the last glisten or sparkle. And he knows Kaiser expects nothing less.
Ness revels, and works, and observes. For the chemistry of their plays, and the off field plays as well.
Alexis Ness thinks he knows Michael Kaiser like the back of his hand.
Though, if the back of your hand gained a couple more freckles, would you really notice?
Kaiser always promises they were in fact dating, but Alexis Ness finds it in his nature to find the reassurances dubious. After years of broken promises and misguiding, Ness sometimes forgets that these things are clarified.
That was the first for real promise. No more lies. After all, whether they're emperor and retainer or striker and midfielder or boyfriends, none of their partnerships work if everything isn't laid out.
Until his emperor gets tired of the routine, but there is another promise. An unspoken promise, that neither one of them will ever get tired of the other.
Well. Ness will never get tired of Kaiser.
Even for how much Kaiser definitely cares (he cares, he cares, and Ness is not over that fact,) it's not like Kaiser to initiate their dates. Ness is always the one who takes that time to plot out their rare eventful days, with spreadsheets of meticulous time tables and budgeting.
Ness doesn't mind the work. But it is a welcome surprise. An offer he appreciates, and if anything this'll mean less work for him.
Still, Ness can't help but be curious when Kaiser tells him about the dinner at 7 tonight. This proposition was all so sudden.
Why?
Hmm, no reason, he'd replied. Kaiser always had a reason.
But he'd grinned and made Ness's insides glow and that had been the end of that.
There is a part of him that worries that someday it'll all crumble between his hands like a tower of toothpicks. That there's a countdown ticking somewhere in the background, too much tension eating away at those last fraying strands of rope.
That they're the dying candlelight.
A candle wick drowned in its own wax.
Kaiser had, surprisingly, already booked a reservation and was keen on keeping the location secret. Though Ness was pleased with this development, he couldn’t relax. The 15 minute drive there felt like hours stretched in anticipation.
When they got there, Ness wasn't sure what he expected. The restaurant wasn't notable. Not that it was bad, but why had Kaiser chosen this one?
Kaiser always had a reason.
Dinner was...nice. Somewhat boring, and the food took much too long to arrive. There was clearly something going on with the waitstaff tonight, they were skidding around with eye bags the color of bruises. Glancing around with weariness.
Ness would be concerned for them if he wasn't also really annoyed. Thankfully Kaiser's glare had settled him before he got them kicked out of the restaurant.
The place had been surprisingly empty for a Sunday night, which did not justify the terrible service. But Kaiser wasn't hung up on it, that that meant he couldn't be either.
Strolling together through the cold city streets cozied up inside a scarf longer than his wingspan wasn't how Ness expected their dinner to end. It was late by now, and he would love to head to bed.
But Ness supposes the winter months were drawing to a close and this was one of the last times they could enjoy this kind of atmosphere before the summer thunderstorms rolled in.
The yellow lights of the storefronts and lampposts are warm and comforting just like the arm around his waist and the gloved fingers carding through his hair. Kaiser rolls a strand between two fingers, crunching in Ness's ear like a reminder of his presence in the silence.
When Kaiser had suggested they shouldn't immediately head back to the heat of the car, the night air had felt refreshing. By now, the cold has begun to settle in, and Ness can feel the prick in his cheeks from where they peek over his scarf.
(He wonders if his cheeks are rosy yet. Kaiser had mentioned one time he likes when his face matches his hair. Ness has been dyeing his hair a shade lighter ever since, just so it's a bit easier to meet his wishes each time. He wonders if Kaiser will notice one day.
At the salon, his boyfriend asks for the same royal blue every single time. Ness notices.)
But it's okay, the cold is okay.
They walk on paths paved with brick and concrete alike, dimly lit and lively streets too.
They walk past men and women drugged out on their doorsteps, three teenagers clambering onto one bike, and big loud groups of friends talking about nonsense.
They walk through lots of quiet routes too, neither of them going to speak a word to pierce the silence.
They walk for a while and Ness doesn't count the minutes. He's a bit busy relishing in the warmth blooming in his side, the reassuring pressure on his hip, hypnotized by the sensation.
Ness's been so lucky tonight, it's so rare Kaiser has the patience to tolerate plain old time together, or acted on his own accord to get them out of the house. Eventually they'll head back to the car, drive home, and this will be over.
Embarrassingly, Ness doesn't want this to ever end. Even as the clock ticks down, as his cheeks and fingertips burn from the cold, as the sun begins rise again. His eyes stay trailing the patterns of the ground, for he doesn't dare to glance up and break the spell that's fallen over them.
If he twitches, Kaiser'll get bored. If he speaks, they'll turn back. He knows this in his heart.
They walk
and walk
and
walk.
To snuff a flame, it first has to burn.
At some point, Ness notes the buildings are unfamiliar and looming.
They've been walking for hours now, and Ness isn't quite sure where they are anymore. He hasn't been counting the minutes, he hasn't been tracking the turns, he hasn't really be thinking at all. Was he supposed to be doing that?
Eventually they reach a bridge, a road over a river of darkness, shallow and riddled with stones. Ness does not recognize this river. He does not know this bridge, these lines in the road.
To him, they are truly and utterly lost.
Though he admits it with great guilt, Ness doesn't trust Kaiser to know where they are either.
He wants to stop walking.
What?
At least, where they are, at least at least at least. Concerned, and foolish, Ness reaches into his coat pocket for his phone.
In the motion, he jostles his boyfriend's arm, the one that's snaked around his midsection. Suddenly it drops to Kaiser's side, and Ness feels his heart drop with it.
Kaiser's steps slow to a stop. Ness stumbles for a moment, caught off-guard by the sudden change in pace. "Kaiser?" he asks, against his better judgement. His voice comes out broken and hesitant, having not used it for hours. He thinks it's been hours.
"Ness."
Kaiser's tone is nearly as cold as the air around them, and Ness is paralyzed. His legs ache from the walking, threatening to buckle underneath him, but he can't.
The two of them stand there side by side.
Nobody speaks. Nobody moves an inch.
"Ness," Kaiser repeats, head twitching slowly, ever so painfully slow to face his partner.
The magenta haired man stares straight ahead, barely blinking, barely breathing. A small puff of white floats into the air every time he shakily exhales, body betraying its owner.
He'd ruined it, he'd ruined it all again. Fuck he'd ruined it. He knew this was going to happen didn't he?
"NESS!" Kaiser screams, so unlike him. "This is your fault!"
Yes! I know! he wants to shout back, pain prickling at his throat.
No it's not! he doesn't say, a coward in his own skin. He's a hypocrite, how can he chide people for their lack of loyalty when he's the biggest offender yet? Kaiser has no place for traitors in his kingdom.
A kingdom has no room for tyrants.
They live in Munich.
Kaiser turns and grabs his shoulders, shaking them. His touch burns through the fabric of his coat. And now Ness isn't cold anymore, now the sun is rising, and it's morning, and the world has become much too warm. It's morning, dinner was at 7 PM how is it morning?
With a sigh, Kaiser turns away in disappointment. He doesn't let go.
He speaks.
"y̸͕̾͗͋̌͜ȯ̸̭̗ư̸̢̜̻͙'̷̝͒̔͋̕r̶̢͍͇͙̓́͌e̴̺͖̺̠̬͗͂ ̶̗̥̟́̃l̸͍͉͋̌̈́͝ͅo̴̦͓̤̝͒̀̀v̴̭̗̞̞̄͂̇d̸̮͍͍̮͐ ̴̻͔͘f̴̧͚̪͍̹͑ơ̵͎̟̲̑́̕r̷̛̰̗̫̤̲͑ ̴̧͖͎͚̔̄Ȧ̶̯̓͠l̸̜̟̗̃e̷̻͓̟͓̊̐͜t̷̫͎̖̀͗͊͝x̶͕̳̗̪̖́̽i̶͕̖̝͈̿͋̊͠s̴̹͔̈́̆ģ̶̬̿͒̈́̇ ̸̨̰͓̍̈́̍a̷͔̪̐̏͌f̶͙͖̠͓̋͑͌̎t̷̟̰̼̘̏̎͂͑̚é̸̳̀͑͠r̵̢̰̯̲̘̀ ̷̭͎̙͎͋ẏ̶͚͙̯̎̚l̴̛̻̮̓̋̽͒l̵͈͓̻͗̈͜"
He sounds almost gleeful as he says it. Voice singing a heavy melody.
Ness doesn't hear the words the first time.
"What?" His shoulders are going to burn, he can smell the singed polyester. It burns his nose That's not right. "What did you say?"
I love you Alexis Ness.
"I said," Kaiser whispers triumphantly. "You're good for nothing after all."
There are a lot of thoughts he could think in response. There are a lot of things he could scream back.
The quick and dirty of it is, 'No, I'm not.'
Ness springs into motion, squirming out of Kaiser's, no this isn't Kaiser, not his Kaiser's vice grip. "You're not Kaiser! You're not Kaiser let me go!"
"What are you talking about Ness?" Not Kaiser mocks, stare unrelenting. "You know I don't like it when you lie."
He isn't lying. For once, Ness is certain of his truth.
His eyes, they aren't the right blue, they're all wrong. Far too shallow, and far too dark. Ness grabs Not Kaiser's wrists and wrenches them off his shoulders. Kaiser does not move to return them.
Stumbling back, Ness feels his fingers sting as if they've just brushed against a hot pan. He watches in horror as Not Kaiser dispassionately peels back his jacket sleeve to display his tattooed wrist. The deep blue ink is melting, peeling off the skin like liquid. Globs of marbled cobalt and beige drip to the pavement beneath them, puddling in glistening globs.
The river roars in fury, water fiery orange in the sun, which has snaked its way into the blue. The blue, his eyes, not the right color, too dark, flat and glassy and dead.
Ness stares at his not boyfriend's dripping wrists and feels the burn in his skin wane. He glances at his shoulder and at his waist, at the fabric of his coat, crumpled and glued together with a sheet of half warm wax. It's cracked and shelled over.
"You're not Kaiser..." Ness whispers again incredulously. "Who— what are you?"
The thing looks up at him and smiles. The corner of its lips drip down, face illuminated in golden light. "I'm your boyfriend Alexis, aren't I? Shouldn't you know the answer to that question?"
Not Kaiser reaches for him, wrenching his chin up to meet his eyes. His touch is scalding and Ness's head is whirling. Those dull blue pupils were melding with the whites of his eyes and shining in the sunlight.
No it wasn't pretty.
Aha, he's going insane isn't he? His boyfriend's a wax figurine, his boyfriend's a fucking candle.
Ness wants to cry.
The sky is stretching orange and pink in perfect contrast with Not Kaiser's stiff blue haired figure. It's like any other sunrise, like any other tender embrace, except this time Kaiser's melting and not really here at all.
"Stop looking at me..." Ness whispers, stepping back. The mobile wax figure steps forward in response, and Ness can't take his eyes off it.
Its features swirl, mocking him cruelly with the image of his beloved.
"Come with me, Alexis Ness," it murmurs gently in his ear. "Let's go together. Always together, Ness and Kaiser, they will say. Isn't that lovely?"
Ah...he can't move...
"Wouldn't you like that Ness?"
Ness prays to the god he isn't sure is listening and begs for mercy.
One the seventh day, God rested, and one cannot conjure benevolence while asleep.
By now its features are almost unrecognizable, blurring into whirling pools of color in the vague shape of a human being. It retracts its hand and Ness stumbles away, ungraceful like the failure of a football player he is.
He should run. He should scream. His breath is frozen in his lungs.
Ness takes in an unstable breath. Not Kaiser looks to him with a challenge in his gaze.
He takes off. Kaiser was always faster.
Kaiser was so brilliant.
He runs
and runs
and
runs.
Ness doesn't make it very far.
Somewhere along the way he lost his scarf. A passerby will find it tomorrow on a stroll down a familiar road and will think nothing of it. They will not know it to be the remnants of a dead man and his last day.
Not Kaiser leaps forward with his arms spread and engulfs Ness in his embrace.
It burns so hot he begins to feel cold. It's numbing.
Ness doesn't have time to struggle before they're melding together, physically and in fate.
Together, they tumble over the railing of the bridge Ness does not know. Together, they free fall with their backs to the sunrise. Together forever, Kaiser and Ness. Alone, Alexis Ness watches the blue of the sky, the blue of his lover's eyes disappear behind a wall of water and wax.
Captured in the frigid rushing waves of the Isar, the flame goes out.