Chapter Text
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Once upon a time, in a land far away, a Prince had met a woman deep in the woods.
It was love at first sight.
The Prince, stunned by her beauty, made frequent visits to the forest, and the woman, captivated by the Prince’s charm, waited for him day after day.
They were inseparable, bonded not only by their hearts, but by their very souls.
In time, she revealed herself to be a Witch, shunned to the Darklands long ago for her craft. But the Prince didn’t mind one bit.
Under the light of a full moon, they were swift to marry, believing it to be destiny that had led their lonely hearts to each other.
The King soon caught wind of this arrangement, and outraged, he cried:
“ No son of mine shall taint my Kingdom with Sorcery! Dispel of this unholy union at once, otherwise you are to be banished to the Wood!”
In all his life, the Prince had never loved anyone so dearly as he loved the Witch. He couldn’t fathom a life without her.
Exiled to the grove, he swore to pave his own path, even if it meant abandoning everything he’d ever known.
“ Let us go where none can judge our love, ” the Prince had begged his bride, “ Where we shall be free to be together in sun and rain, in lightness and in dark, forever as one. ”
With but a snap of her fingers, the land beneath them quaked and cracked, and soon an island carved from the very Earth rose into the sky.
High above the clouds, the island thrived with vibrant trees and lush greenery, babbling brooks and slow streams, all sustained solely by the boundless love the two shared for one another.
As the years went on, word of the mystical floating isle spread far and wide, and soon enough brave adventurers from all over the world embarked on perilous journeys in hopes of someday reaching it.
The couple, in their benevolence, had decided that any who could reach their sacred home would be blessed with a prize.
One that only those with the purest of heart and the bravest of soul could attain.
A single wish…
~{}~
The other half of the story had been lost, if the torn ridges of the following pages were anything to go by. Two large, scaly paws slam the antique book shut, before smacking the aged leather down against the tabletop.
“ ‘Purest of Heart’? Bravest of Soul’? What a load of crap.”
While the chances of reaching this island were slim to most, and the odds of obtaining a wish even slimmer to all — one thing was for certain:
Bowser would be the first.
______________________________________________
“…I think I should blow the horn now.”
“What? Dude, we were given direct orders not to blow it until Bowser got back.”
Two red-shelled Koopas stand guard at the foot of the airship, leaning boredly against the massive vessel. It’d been what felt like hours now since they’d last caught a glimpse of their platoon or their ferocious King.
On trips like these, there was usually more for them to look at and talk about while they waited around like this, but the scenery of this “ legendary floating island ” was nothing at all like the stories about this place.
In the fairytales, this island was supposed to be like a hidden paradise — an enchanted land so full of vitality that it could make the Yoshi Islands look like the Birabuto Kingdom on a GOOD day! The perfect vacation destination! But the only sign of life in this place that they’d seen since they first landed here was each other. The gray grass crunched under their feet like wrapping paper, the stale air made their shells feel clammy, and the trees, rumored to block out the sky with their abundance of leaves and petals, now instead hung wilted and withered.
The graveyards surrounding the Darklands may have been odd and unnerving, but they at the very least had personality! Not to mention they were constantly abuzz with undead commotion.
It’s silent here, as well; No birds, no breeze, no bugs — Nothing. And as if the place wasn’t already creepy enough, there was a perpetual blanket of deep blue fog obscuring everything . The sky, the ground, the horizon, the masts of Bowser’s airship; It wasn’t clear to either Troopa just how long they’d been here or how long the crew had been gone for.
“ Yeeeaaaah , I know…” A Koopa sighs, itching idly underneath his helmet, “But it’s been ages already! What if they’ve all been waiting for the signal this whole time?”
The other rolls his eyes, adjusting the weapon belt strapped across his chest.
“Negative. No horn blowing. Bowser’s orders.”
“C’mon! Maybe he DIDN’T mean ‘don’t blow the horn if i’m not there’ word for word!”
The belted soldier scoffs. “Don’t you remember what happened to Karl?”
They stand there in pensive silence.
Believe it or not, there used to be three of them. All the same rank, usually on the same shift, and the best of friends since bootcamp. But all it’d taken was one tiny misstep from Karl to meet his fiery end at the hands (or mouth, rather) of their King.
( It had all happened after a particularly frightful flight through Gusty Gales on a return trip from the Cloud Kingdom.
There wasn’t much that could frighten Bowser, but after the treacherous ride through those dark clouds that nearly sent half of them overboard, even he was on pins and needles. Without wings or a clown car, who in their right mind wouldn’t be?
“Really gives you some perspective, huh?” He’d said, looking greener than usual as he steadied himself against the foremast, “How important it is not to take your life for granite.”
“…Granite?” Karl had asked.
Bowser nodded. “Yeah. Y’know, appreciate what you got? Not to take life and that kinda stuff for granite?”
“…Sir, do you mean granted ? Like, with a ‘D’ ? We shouldn’t take our lives for granted ?”
The entire ship had been silent as they bore witness to the burst of flame that scorched the deck black where Karl once stood. If only that poor Koopa had known the severity of the crime that was making Bowser look like an idiot in front of his own troops…
Tragic. Truly, it was .)
…
He was fine now , of course! They still met up with him for lunch actually, when they could make the time for it. It was a little hard to dine with your buddy when he was nothing but bones, though.
Case in point was that you took Bowser’s words at face value, no matter what.
“Yeah…”
“Yeah.”
It’s nothing but awkward noiselessness for a little while after that. With nothing left to talk about and nothing but endless fog and the blurry tree line to stare at, there wasn’t much to keep their attention for very long. Or much to keep them fully awake. It’s when the belted Koopa begins to feel himself passing out against his spear for the third time that the other pipes up again.
“Man… I really should sound the alarm, though. Forreal. They could actually be totally lost out there.”
“…Maybe. Let’s give it a few more minutes. I can’t tell how long it’s been since they took off.”
“With fog this dense? Who knows. It feels like it hasn’t moved an inch since we got here.”
“Hold on a sec… Is that…?” One of the Troopas squints into the distance.
Yes… just there on the horizon, through the mist, he could make out two very familiar silhouettes, that of their King and his advisor! They’re silent as they exit the dreary woods, though someone of Bowser’s size could hardly tread lightly. The ground shook with rising intensity the closer he got to the ship. The two soldiers scramble to feign some level of professionalism, squaring their shoulders and puffing out their chests.
“King Bowser!” They sound off in unison once he’s within earshot, thumping their spears against the dry dirt and saluting.
The King’s steely gaze passes right over them. It’s clear that he’s deep in thought as he passes them by the way his brows pinch and his jaw is set. About what, neither guard really cares too much, though the glints of pink emanating from between his giant claws are a little harder to hide as he makes his way up the ramp, and immediately catches their interest.
“Incredible! You got the potion! So the Witch was real!”
“That’s our boss! If anyone could’ve found her we knew it’d be you!”
“No thanks to any of YOU ding-dongs,” Bowser scoffs, “Figures that if I want things done right I gotta do ‘em myself.”
The praise, brown-nosed as it was, does help brighten the larger Koopa’s mood a smidge. Of course he’d been able to get his wish! The initial plan was to snatch and run, of course, but she practically gave him what he wanted on a silver platter, no strings attached! He didn’t even have to threaten to burn down her entire island or anything — it was that easy!
…In fact, maybe it was a little too easy…
Meh. He’d think about the repercussions later. He got what he came for with little effort ( which was always a plus ), now all that was left to do was to initialize the next step of his master plan. And that would start by getting his ship back up and running! He’d just get the crew to fire up the engines, and—
Why were Kamek and himself the only two here?
“You knuckleheads! You only had ONE job! Sound the alarm! I want all troops back on board, stat!”
The helmeted Koopa elbows his ally smugly. “Told you.”
“ NOW!!! ” Bowser roars in a blast of fire that melts the heads of their spears clean off.
The two Koopa soldiers hit the dirt to avoid being torched themselves, crawling on board with a fearful ‘ Sir, yes sir!’ . They take their place at the wheel and the thundering fog horn is blown. It echoes all throughout the eerie woods with a volume that rattles the dry turf below and makes the guards squeeze their eyes shut. Bowser doesn’t bother waiting around to see who makes it back, starting his booming stride back towards the bow of the ship.
Kamek rushes to match his pace.
“Phase one was a gleaming success, sire!”
“Of course it was! Now we can finally get this show on the road!”
Bowser’s eyes scan the sky. They’d only left around brunch, but there was still no sign of the sun or the stars through all the fog. There was also no sign of the moon, either. Which probably meant it was just about half past noon, right…?
“We’ll get there by lunch and squash every Toad that gets in our way. I’ll find the Princess, use the potion, wait for the spell to kick in, pop the question, and then BAM! Wedding bells!”
The massive Koopa ambles towards his ship’s polished mahogany railing, sighing romantically as he leans an elbow against it.
“I can see it all now… The sun settling on the horizon, a gentle breeze combing through her sweet golden locks— me, her devilishly handsome knight in shining shell, taking her by her dainty hands in front of her entire Kingdom…”
Bowser exemplifies this by tenderly scooping one of Kamek’s aged paws up with his finger, eyes still wistfully staring out into the fog. He can’t help the smile on his face as he imagines the scene.
“It shouldn’t take much convincing after that. Once the Princess REALLY sees just what she’s missin’ out on, she’ll forget ALL about that little red thorn in my tail and bunker down with the Koopa of her dreams! BWA HA HA HA! ”
“It’s a beautiful plan, Your Mushiness. Truly one of your best!… But, um, what are we to do should this spell not be enough to wipe her memory clean of her… engagement? ”
Bowser’s initial knee-jerk reaction is to pop the petite potion bottle in his claws, though he mentally reminds himself that that probably wasn’t in his best interest to lose. Kamek’s hand, unfortunately, is NOT shown the same level of mercy when Bowser’s fist clamps down on that instead .
Her engagement…
That was what he’d been trying to avoid having to think about this whole time, thanks . The reason he wanted this dumb potion in the first place. He couldn’t lose his bride-to-be to that pest Mario! Not after all of the effort he’d put in for his darling Princess’ hand FIRST!
Bowser had spent over half of his life pursuing her and her alone. He’d only recently slowed down on the whole kidnapping business, but that didn’t mean he’d thrown in the towel! Mario was one of the newer faces on the block compared to himself, and he thought he could just jump in, steal her heart, AND her Kingdom? That Bowser would just roll over and accept that?
Tcht . Yeah right. In his dreams , maybe.
Mario could win their little scuffles, he could win on the race track, he could win whatever he wanted. Bowser would always get back up and go for gold as many times as he needed to. But those were things that could be easily rematched.
He only had one shot at the Princess, and he wasn’t about to let this final chance slip away.
Kamek’s failed attempts to silence his own pained whines bring him back to the present moment, noting the way his advisor’s hand was slowly turning white. He rolls his eyes and releases the elder’s hand, the Magikoopa cradling the throbbing limb close to his chest.
“ Oh, it’s gonna work alright. ”
Every word drips from his mouth with searing hot contempt, close to rivaling the fire that broiled deep within his chest.
As he stomps along the portside of the ship, he makes a face unlike any Kamek had ever witnessed his Master make before. It chills him to the very bone.
Bowser was a fearsome creature, that was a fact everyone knew to be true. As just a hatchling, Kamek knew he had the potential to be one of the most terrifying Lords the Darklands had ever seen. Now, even the mere utterance of his name in any Kingdom across the galaxy was enough to send cities into a frenzy! The Magikoopa often prided himself on his Master’s strides as the biggest and baddest of them all.
But to see Bowser like this , unnaturally dark and collected compared to throwing his usual tinnitus-inducing tantrums and shouting fits…
Kamek drops it.
As the crew begins to emerge from the timberline, the sour look on Bowser’s face never falters. There was no way to lighten the King’s foul mood in such a state, and many would be wise to leave him to simmer down before prodding him further.
As Bowser’s most trusted right hand man, however, poking and prodding the beast was — unfortunately — his job.
He wrings his scepter between his aching talons, moistening his beak and keeping a good couple of feet away from the King’s side.
“I have no doubt that His Nastiness is more than capable of executing this plan flawlessly. However, I would like to inquire as to what you plan on doing should the Mario Brothers make an appearance— if I may.”
Kamek expects many things to happen after that question leaves his mouth. He expects to be stomped on. He expects to be torched. He expects, partially, to be tossed like a football halfway across the ocean. But nothing of the sort comes to fruition. Instead, Bowser laughs, and giant claws flick the frail glass nonchalantly into the air like a coin before swiping it back.
“They’d better bring their A-game, because THIS time I don’t plan on leaving empty handed.” Bowser chuckles vengefully, a deep sound coming from the back of his throat. “And I sure as SHROOB don’t plan on LOSING .”
All of the tension leaves his shoulders, and Kamek can’t help but smirk at the King’s confidence.
With the last of the crew boarding the airship, everyone rushes around the deck to their assigned positions. Spinys scuffle by and winged Koopas take to the crows nests above the slow turning fan blades. Burners are warmed up, anchors are reeled back in, and the drawbridge is secured back into the vessel.
Bowser and his advisor make their way through the crowd back up to the crystal ball they’d used to navigate here when a faint buzzing resonates from the larger Koopa’s hulking shell.
Bowser pats his thighs as though he were searching his pockets. Then he feels a path up his sides and around his back into the depths of his carapace, where he withdraws the source of the sudden vibration. A phone, comically puny compared to himself, that he pinches between his humongous talons.
“Sire?”
“Hold up a sec…”
The maniacal grin previously stretched across his maw softens into something much fonder at the sight of his son’s contact picture, one he’d taken shortly after a return trip to Isle Delfino; It was a picture of Junior, only 8 at the time, reeling in one of the biggest Cheep-Cheep’s he'd ever seen! It was at least thrice the kid’s size, and he’d managed to wrangle it in by the tail for a picture like it was nothing ! Oh, how the time flew… One day he’s teething through all his binkies, the next he’s commanding his own army… He couldn’t ask for a cooler son.
The King smirks as he hits the ‘answer’ button.
“Junior! I was just starting to wonder when you’d call.”
“ Papa! ” Junior’s grainy voice rings from the speaker.
“What’re you up to?”
“ I got a good scope of Toad Town, just like you asked! It looks like they’re holding some kinda party or something in the Main Square. ”
“Typical. When AREN’T those balloon brains celebrating something. What about the Castle? How’s that looking?”
“ Pretty much empty. Most of Peach’s guards are probably out for the day, too. My platoon’s ready to go when you are! ”
“ Gwa ha ha! Attaboy, Junior! That’s what I like to hear! Kamek and I already got what we came for, so we’re gonna be heading back soon. Great work out there today, son!”
“ …Papa? ”
Junior’s voice crackles out before Bowser can hang up. It’s abnormally timid and hesitant, so soft that he almost misses it completely— nothing at ALL like the Junior he knew. He withdraws the claw hanging centimeters from the red button on the screen.
“Yeah, buddy?”
“ Princess Peach… She’s gonna be okay after all of this, right…? ”
He, genuinely isn’t sure how to react for a few long seconds. As forceful and rowdy a Koopa as Bowser could be, the very last thing he ever wanted to do was harm Peach.
( For the record, he had only come SORT OF close to accidentally— keyword ACCIDENTALLY — grilling her to a crisp. Sometimes that flame pipe of his just had a mind of its own! It was like heartburn, you couldn’t just predict when that kinda thing would flare up ( quite literally ).
And it wasn’t like she wasn’t a strong woman! Her power was one of her most attractive attributes! She may not have looked it to most people, even less so when she ran a nation of bobble-headed crybabies, but the Princess herself was quite the force to be reckoned with.
What she lacked in size and muscle she definitely made up for ten times over with her speed and tact. That magic of hers was something else, too. Heck, she had taken him in a fight once before and nearly seared him !! She definitely would have been able to withstand a little roughhousing in the case she ever managed to get caught in the crossfire.)
“Of course she will, Junior,” Bowser sighs, “You know I wouldn’t do anything that could put her in harm's way. I’m gonna be as careful and gentle with her as possible.”
“ Alright… If you say so… ”
“I’ll be there soon, okay? Chin up, kiddo! Peach will be right there with us in time for dinner, safe and sound.”
“ …Okay… Yeah, okay. See you later, Papa! ” Junior responds with a little more enthusiasm before ending the call himself.
Bowser tucks his phone back into place with another tired sigh, carding his claws through his hair.
This cat and mouse business was starting to get old. Not that he was getting old or anything. Junior was just growing up too fast, and Bowser was running out of time to lock down a mother for him. It was one of the reasons why this would be his last and most direct attempt at the Princess’s hand.
This had to work not only for his lonely heart, but for his son’s as he went through one of the most important developments at his age! He needed that gentle figure in his life to juxtapose his papa’s own boorish approach, and Bowser would be damned if he couldn’t give his boy the nuclear family he wished he’d had himself growing up.
“With all due respect, my Lord, perhaps this particular invasion should be carried out by those better suited to handle the situation at hand?” Kamek tuts.
Bowser crosses his arms. “Are you kiddin’? Junior’s MORE than capable of managing his own fleet. Heck, I was HALF his age when I planned and executed my first big heist. How hard could sending a few teams into the main village with adult supervision be?”
“I worry more, sire, about him witnessing what exactly you plan on doing to win the Princess’s favor.”
The King hadn’t really told anybody but his immediate squad and Kamek what specifically it was he was setting out to do. As far as his son was concerned, this was business as usual. The potion, the love spell, all of that kept secret to ensure Junior stayed in the dark. Call him old fashioned, but his kid’s beliefs came before the cold truth of the world. So long as Junior believed that Peach would finally have a change of heart and marry him of her own volition, there shouldn’t be any problems in the future. Hopefully.
“He won’t see any of THAT ,” Bowser growls, “So long as he’s in the Town Square where he’s supposed to be. And you’ll be sure that he’s exactly where he’s SUPPOSED to be, right? ”
“…Of course, Your Iniquitousness.”
The whirring fan blades overhead gain momentum and the engines are finally ready to be run at full capacity. With anchors tucked back into their hawse pipes and propellers moving at maximum velocity, the enormous ship finally rises out of the dirt in a cloud of swirling blue fog and sickly green dust, ascending up and into the sky.
Bowser makes his way to his quarters with one last dismissive nod to Kamek.
Back to work.
“Helmsman!” Kamek shrieks once Bowser disappears behind the cabin door, said Koopa in front of the wheel saluting.
“Aye!”
“Tack the bow starboard side!”
The helmsman’s hand droops in confusion. Kamek sighs.
“Turn the ship around , you nitwit.”
“Aye aye!”
Kamek rolls his eyes before turning to another passing blue-shelled Koopa.
“You there!”
He drops the box in his arms to salute. “Aye!”
“Ready our engine officers to push 30 knots!”
“You want them to tie knots…?”
Kamek shakes with annoyance before bringing his scepter down over the Koopa’s helmet with a heavy ‘ thwack! ’
“ Imbecile! Tell those fools in the engine room to make the ship go as fast as possible!” He squawks.
The dimwitted blue-shell’s body wobbles, and he offers a dizzy ‘Aye Aye…’ before teetering away, tripping over the box he’d dropped and face planting into the deck in the process.
The Magikoopa runs a hand down his beak and groans.
For a ship-hardy crew, he was appalled by their lack of fluency in nautical terminology. By their lack of brains at all! Then again, it was usually Bowser who’d be hollering commands on these types of trips, so they were probably already accustomed to simple orders and even simpler tasks. He dodders back to his crystal ball, muttering colorful variations of the term ‘idiot’ as he does so.
He had a course to set, just as Bowser had brooding to take care of.
______________________________________________
The Koopa King plopped down into the massive chair at his grand desk. It was a fine piece of furniture, carved from the strongest ironwood money could buy ( if he’d paid for it at all ) and fitted with the toughest leather. His desk, equally sturdy and grandiose, was stained black with gold trimming and accents. His insignia shimmered awesomely on the desktop, though it's awesomeness was currently being curtained by tattered papers marked heavily with messy red ink. X’s , O’s , pins and string stitched across a mix of singed charts and fraying book pages, all to create one big dysfunctional treasure map.
A dippy bird in the shape and color of a Cataquack pecks quietly at a glass of water idly on the corner of the desk as Bowser carelessly swipes the papers aside to make room for his elbows.
The Mushroom Kingdom would lose its sole ruler and fall swiftly under his control, Mario would be left in the dust, Junior would have a mother and he, at long last, would have someone to rule the world at his side.
He’d finally be happy .
It was everything he should’ve wanted and then some, and yet he felt… empty . Like something was still missing .
He checks through the remaining papers on his desk once, twice, thrice— scanning over every little detail he could bother to pay attention to. Nothing was amiss, and so far they’d checked off near every box on his to-do list. They weren’t forgetting anybody, Bowser wasn’t airsick this time or anything. So what else could it have been?
Everything was working out in his favor so far, but this time around there wasn’t a thrill or giddiness coursing through him at that fact. His hot blood felt unnaturally cold… He felt, strangely guilty…
Maybe even a little, afraid…?
PAH!
Perish the thought!
He was the King of the Darklands , for crying out loud! The very name BOWSER may as well have been considered synonymous with Indomitable! The WORLD was scared of HIM ! What reason would he ever have to be afraid of anything?!
Bowser withdraws the potion from his shell, cooly plonking it in the dead center of the desk. It was about the length of his finger with his insignia printed on both sides, the cork sculpted to look like a crown. The liquid inside was a viscous pink fluid, glittering with the beauty of a tiny galaxy every time he gave it a whirl around its compartment. It looked harmless enough. A little tacky for Bowser’s taste ( a heart shaped potion bottle was not subtle at all in the slightest ), but given Peach’s gaudy aesthetic, he was sure she’d love it!
It stood tiny before him, nothing more than the glass jewel of his desire. He wished for it! Without him, it wouldn’t even exist!
Yet, the longer he stared… the harder it got to bring himself to look at it.
After years of fighting, years of adventuring, years of failed proposals and tarnished kidnappings, it had all come down to this. What he had a hard time admitting he couldn’t obtain naturally ( as naturally as he had tried for, at least ) he’d now win with zero effort and zero work. It should’ve come as a relief that this would be all it took to win, but it instead turns his guts into lead.
This wasn’t a win… this was a cheap cop out. One that only served to solidify the fact that Bowser would never have her heart with his charm, personality, wealth, power— nothing .
For the first time in forever, in the privacy of his own quarters, Bowser allows this new feeling to run freely through him, if only for a moment. That strangely shallow one he’d felt ever since they’d left the port. It shoots through his nervous system like a bullet bill, zapping from his head to his chest, his arms to legs, even down through the spines on his tail. It’s a sensation unlike any he’s ever experienced before.
And he hates it.
He bows his head deep into the crevice of his elbow before the elixir.
Who was he kidding? He had no idea what the side effects such a spell would have on either him or the Princess, nor what the outcome of bargaining with a Witch would bring in the long run to him or his family. It was common and honestly expected of him not to consider the setbacks, but just this once, he thought maybe he should’ve tread with just an iota of consideration. He’d gone through all this trouble, sought the witch out, arranged the troops, and even looped his son into his mess.
But Bowser was as proud as he was yellow. He couldn’t stop this even if some part of him buried deep inside wanted to. Not when he was already this close .
His eyes rise over his folded arms and he fixates on the silent Cataquack.
He doesn’t remember ever having to refill that cup of water, now that he thinks about it… Sure, a cap-full every now and then when evaporation ran its course, but never the glass as a whole. It always had what it wanted — what it needed right in front of it, and yet it pecked at the water over and over anyway.
Its destiny was to sit there and perform the same dunk-and-repeat routine for as long as Bowser had it on his desk.
It would never stop ‘consuming’.
It was insatiably thirsty.
…
Bowser can sense that strange static-y twinge of irony at the back of his neck. The kind he usually felt before something super dumb happened.
…He opts not to acknowledge it. He’d had his fill of self reflection for the month.
Instead, he cruelly snatches the glass of water and does away with it in one fat gulp before pushing the knick-knack off of his desk and onto the floor.