Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Wylan wanted to cry.

He stood in his room dressed in the most beautiful robes he had ever worn and he still wanted to cry. He couldn’t admire how his robes flowed around his body or how they complimented his eyes because he knew why he was wearing them.
If they would have been for his birthday or even for one of the stupid gatherings of his father’s business partners he would have felt beautiful but these robes weren’t for him to admire. They existed to please his future husband like Wylan now only existed to please his future husband. Well, at least that would be his only life purpose in two or three hours when he said the vows and was forever bound to a man the had only seen once in his life.

But there was another purpose this union would have. It would bring his father important connections and deals with the Razorgulls. In his words, that would be the most useful Wylan had ever been.

Wylan couldn’t even disagree.
He had never accomplished anything of notable worth. At least if you didn’t count the few musical compositions and some successful chemical experiments. No matter how much he loved those or how much he liked to study, it never helped anyone. Not even himself.
He couldn’t read. That eliminated the possibility to be of any use in his father’s business, in trade or even in music and science. What use was a scientist who couldn’t research or document his experiments?

He was just a rich boy with unnecessary knowledge, no clue about the real world and only useful when married off. He should have accepted that a long time ago instead of chasing his father’s approval that he lost the day Jan van Eck realised that Wylan would never read or write and be a worthy heir to his trading empire.

Not that that was what Wylan ever wanted but would have been nice to to grow up always needing to prove that he was worth some attention other than being punished. It would have been nice to have someone he could have grieved his mother with. But he hadn’t been worthy of it.

Wylan shook his head to lose the depressing thoughts. No matter how true they were he hadn’t had time for them. Unconsciously his breath had speed up at his thoughts. He tried to calm himself. He couldn’t afford to have a breakdown now. But his mind seemed to screamed at him in panic. His hands shook as he tried to sort his thoughts. He needed a clear head for the ceremony. He brushed away a tear and tried not to smudge the makeup one of the maids had applied an hour before. He straightened himself.

He would marry Richard Gendill second in command in the barrel gang Razorgulls and he would take his name and follow him into the barrel where he would stay until the day he died or Gendill became sick of him. Whatever came first. Or maybe he would be killed when Gendill became bored.
He would come with his husband to bed and be still and take it no matter how much he hated it. He couldn’t change that and he already failed as a son but he wouldn’t fail as a husband. He would do his husbandly duties and make the best of it. Maybe he would even have some more freedom and be able to explore the barrel and Ketterdam. Maybe even make some friends?

There would be no true love or romance in his life and it would be best if he would lose those dreams and started to deal with the truth.
Still, there was a small voice in the back of Wylan’s mind that tried to argue how unfair this was. How he shouldn’t have to marry someone he didn’t even know and was 15 years older than him. That he deserved romance and true love in his life. But this voice was irrelevant and even wrong. How should Wylan deserve something he had never done anything for? His father was probably right about everything…

A memory flashed through his mind.
Three month ago a week after his eighteenth birthday his father had called him into his office and told him about the plans for his marriage. Wylan’s memory was a blurr but he remembered pieces of what his father had told him.

“You will finally have a proper use for this family.”

“I expect you not to embarrass us further.”

“Someone will finally take you of my hands.”

“You’ve been always more troublesome and expensive than you were worth.”

“If just half of what I heard about these barrel gangs is true you will even learn some manners and see how patient and generous I have been with you.”

Most of it was probably true and a part of Wylan was scared how true it would be. He had heard enough about how brutal the barrel could be. But maybe he was lucky. Maybe his husband would be a patient man who would help Wylan learn. But Wylan wouldn’t trust one only that. He would be on his best behaviour and maybe not make his father proud but at least prove his usefulness.
A knock disrupted his thoughts.

“Wylan, it’s time,” Alys called through the door. “Can you come down stairs please?”

Her voice sounded as if she couldn’t contain her excitement. Wylan had always liked her but she was very different to him. For her this day was nothing but exiting. Her stepson was getting married and she could wear her most beautiful dress and be happy for him. She would probably be the only person who would be just happy for him without an alterier motive. She didn’t know this was a simple business deal on Wylan’s expense.

“I’m coming,” he answered and straightened his robes.
He looked around the room and took it in on last time. He would never see this again. Two suitcases stood by the door. Those would be the only personal belongings he would take with himself to his new life. A few clothes, art supplies and his flute. The suitcase would be brought to his new home by servants. He hoped he would be allowed to still play his music.

He turned away from the room that had been one of the only places in this house were he felt somewhat safe and went down to the entry hall where his father and Alys waited.

His father looked Wylan up and down with cold eyes and nodded. “This will do.”
Wylan turend his gaze to the floor. He didn’t want to look into that stone old face.
“Come on. The carriage is waiting.”

The ceremony would be held in a small chapel with only a handful of guests. Jan van Eck of course didn’t want this to be a big thing everyone talked about. This was an easy and profitable way to get ride of Wylan. Wylan doubted that the Razorgulls would make a big thing out of it either. This was a business deal and not a big celebration.
Wylan stood in front of the wooden doors that lead into the chapel. His hands were shaking and he resisted the urge you start biting his fingernails.

His father stepped next to him and took Wylan’s arm. He suppressed a flinch. His father’s grip on him was unnecessary tight as if Wylan could run away any moment.
Music began inside the church and the doors started to open. Wylan’s breath speed up.

“If you fuck this up you won’t see the sun rising tomorrow,” his father wispernd as he lead Wylan down the aisle to his new life.

Chapter Text

The night smelled of luck.
It was like the scent of a freshly baked pie that wandered through the small streets and alleys of the Barrel and East Stave and made every person that it passed feel euphoric like nothing could go wrong this night.
The gambling dens and pubs would surely notice this mentality when they counted their earnings at the end of the night.

Jesper Fahey could smell the sweet smell of luck and victory too as he walked down one of the main streets of the East Stave.
He didn’t even notice that people instinctively got out of his way. Maybe it was because of his confident aura and determinate steps or maybe just because of his revolvers at his side and his reputation.

He was in a wonderful mood.
He knew that today was going to be his lucky night. A small voice in the back of his mind tried to remind him that he thought the same a week ago and then proceeded to lose 300 kruge in two hours. He shoved that voice away. It wasn’t about winning for him. It was about the thrill. He needed the adrenaline of uncertainty and risk tonight. Though winning would be nice too.

And best of all was it was even his own money with which he was going to play tonight and not the money of his father. Jesper just had a job with Kaz and it had paid fairly well so he would use that money tonight.
It was nice not to have the nagging feeling of the guild of betraying his father while playing.
That would make the night so much more fun. A more upright person would probably argue that money he got from stealing and beating people up wasn’t money he should feel good about but Jesper of course didn’t really care. It was his money and he earned it fairly.

Either way Jesper Fahly was out to be lucky, win some money and hear the sweet sweet sound of the makker‘s wheel. Maybe he would even find someone nice to fall into bed with tonight.

With a broad smile he stepped into the gambling den he decided on tonight.
(The decision had been heavily influenced by the number of gambling halls he been banned from but he didn’t need to mention that).

It was one of the less glamorous establishments of the East Stave and catered to locals and tourist with less in their pockets who avoided places like the Emerald Palace. It was a high building that was painted in a faded red. It looked proper and not to run down while not being something fancy.
The fact that it was owned by the Razorgulls and skin trade wasn’t uncommon here didn’t really bother Jesper. He wasn’t here to start problems with a rival gang and they would cautiously welcome him if he was willing to empty his pockets at their tables.

The bouncer of the hall looked at him with suspicion in the eyes. She was a short woman with broad shoulders and tattoos on her neck. On her belt hung a heavy chain with which she probably could do a lot of damage.

“You better not use those guns of yours or you will be faster out here and banned than you can fire a shot,” she said with a look to Jespers revolvers.
Jesper highly doubted that. He was the fasted shot in the Barrel and even all of Ketterdam. He would get at least four bullets out before anyone here could do a thing. But it wouldn’t come to that. So he just smiled at her and nodded.

He turned to the rest of the hall. The ceiling was unusually high for the Barrel and it was a lot lighter too than your average Barrel pub. The tables were filled quite well this evening. The smell of luck had driven many people to the tables. There was a great variety of people, young and old, locals and tourists, man and woman and everything in between.

Jesper smiled. This would be fun. He liked to play with lots of different people so it wasn’t to obvious how they would play. This would make everything so much more thrilling.

His fingertips seemed to itch with the desire to hold cards between them but he forced himself to wait.

Kaz had often tried to teach him how to read a room and have an overview of the different games and how they were progressing but Jesper always lost focus after a few sentences.
He had his own methods of knowing what was going on.

Kaz didn’t like his methods. He always said that Jesper ‘lost clarity as soon as he got emotional which was when he started to lose or win. In other words, after the first round’. Jesper sometimes even thought about if Kaz was right but he knew that his methods worked for him.

Tonight he tried to listen to Kaz.
Maybe his methods would lead him to victory. He walked to the bar while looking around and taking in the different tables.

There were some sailors playing three man’s bramble; nothing really interesting here but maybe easy money. Jesper knew exactly how those men would play and it wasn’t really exciting.

Around a Makker’s wheel stood a group of tourists from Ravka who seemed to have had a few drinks already. Their loud laughs drowned out nearly any other noise from the conversations at the tables. Those players would be a bit more reckless and probably less familiar with the game and it’s strategies.

Jesper liked the aura he got from the different tables here. Maybe he was just drunk on the luck that was in the air tonight but he was really confident about tonight.

He pulled over a bar chair and took a seat while still watching the tables.
He hadn’t decided yet what game he wanted to play. Maybe he should try something new all together.
There were a few more complicated dice games he hadn’t tried out yet. Or maybe he should stick to his favorites and not push his luck. He knew that contemplating this was useless. He would ultimately just do what his gut told him anyways.

He turned around to the bar. He needed a drink before he started to play.

He knew the bar woman here, a member of the Razorgulls who had excellent ears and was probably one of the most important figures in the information net of the gang. Kaz had called her ‘very irritating’ which was a great compliment coming from him. But he couldn’t spot the familiar sharp face anywhere behind the bar.

In her stead was a boy who couldn’t be older than fifteen judging from his height.
He had his back turned to Jesper so he could only see a orange mob of messy hair and a to large coat that hung from the slim frame.

And then the boy turned around to face Jesper. His heart stopped for a second.
The boy had blue eyes like water on a warm summer day and his hair seemed to be a copper halo around his pale face. It seemed as if a saint had come to visit the Barrel.

Jesper shook his head to lose the thoughts. Here did the cheesy comparisons come from? The boy was very pretty but Jesper had seen a lot of pretty people in his life with considerably better or less clothing on. He shouldn’t be blown away by this.

He flashed his signature smile at the boy. Now that  Jesper could see the boy’s face he was quite sure that he was about the same age as him, but he needed a conversation starter.

‘Aren’t you a bit young to stand behind a bar, dear?’
He leaned forward on the counter. The boy tensed for a moment as if he hadn’t noticed Jesper sitting there and hadn’t expected someone to speak to him.

‘I’m eighteen if that’s what your worried about,’ he mumbled but didn’t look at him.
He overall seemed to avert the gaze of all the people around here. Which was a shame because those eyes were really stunning.

‘What can I get you?’
The boy startet to pull out a glass from under the counter and slung the towel he had in his hand over his shoulder.
Other bartenders did this move very consciously aware of how sexy and confident they would appear to the patrons of the bar. This boy did it not as a show but just because it was convenient and the fastest solution. It still gave him the effect of looking like he owned the place and knew exactly what he was doing. Though Jesper was pretty sure that he was very new to this job.

‘How about your name?’ Jesper asked and tried to catch the boy’s gaze.
He didn’t what to think about this person just as ‘the boy’ for this whole conversation. That cute face deserved a name.

The boy looked at him with suspicion but then just shrugged.

‘Wylan,’ he said.
His voice was very quite and only barely audible over the laughter of the tourists.
‘But what do you want to drink?’

‘Just a whiskey. And please don’t ask me what kind. I don’t care. Something good. Please don’t judge me.’
Jesper looked at Wylan with a twinkle in his eyes.
It was true that he didn’t really know anything about whiskey and he couldn’t care less but he also hoped the bartender would start a conversation with him.

Jesper began to grin as he saw how a little smile formed on Wylan’s face but disappeared as fast as it appeared. He didn’t know why he wanted the boy to smile so bad but it somehow made his night so much better.

‘To be honest, I don’t really know much about different alcohols either. Only that I can burn them. I just try to wing that here somehow. Good is that we don’t really have many options here. Just like a few bottles. So I wouldn’t even have asked you,’ Wylan answered and got a bottle of dark liquor of the shelf.

Jesper laughed a little.
‘I would be very grateful if you didn’t burn my drink if that’s not too much trouble.’

Wylan smiled again, a little more this time.

‘I might just manage that,’ he said and pushed the filled glass over to Jesper who took a sip and smiled back.

‘How is your night going? Everybody’s been nice? Made some tips?’ Jesper asked. ‘Seems to be quite busy.’

‘Yeah. Quite unusual. Normally we don’t have as many tourists here.’
Wylan started polishing a glass and kept his eyes focused on that.

During their whole conversation he had only looked Jesper in the eyes maybe twice. Well, people had their quirks.

‘But I don’t really know much about the business here,’ Wylan continued. ‘I’ve only been here for a few weeks and normally the other manage anything important. I just pour drinks.’

‘But you are doing an excellent job. I feel very well taken care of.’ Jesper smiled even wider.

Something about how Wylan talked just made him smile. The boy had something intriguing about himself that he couldn’t quite identify. It made him want to question the boy about his life and learn every little thing about him. Plus he wanted to touch that hair. It looked so fluffy!

‘Thank you. I’m really trying to do okay here.’
Wylan looked at Jesper for a second and those blue eyes wandered over his face. Than he looked away again but Jesper felt like he had just cupped his cheek with his gaze. It left a pleasant, warm feeling.

He opened his mouth to ask another question but a call disrupted his thoughts.

‘Fahey! You wanna play? There is time for talking later!’
A big man with very short blond hair waved him over. He knew the man from a few other dens and had played some really good games with him. He waved the man and then turned back to Wylan how finished polishing the glass.

‘Excuse me please,’ he said to the young man with an apologetic smile. ‘There are games that need to be played. Try to miss me not to much. But it has been wonderful meeting you.’

Wylan just smiled and nodded. Than he turned away to take care of other customers.

Jesper threw the money for his drink on the counter and then hopped of his chair. He straightened his jacket and then walk with almost dancing steps to the table where his gambling partners were waiting for him.

-

When Jesper left the gambling den his pockets were a lot lighter then they were before but not a light as they could have been. He lost some and he won some. And he had had a lot of fun. So it had been a successful night.

While playing he had often looked over to the bar and watched Wylan work for a few moments how he went about his chores. But when he finished the game the boy had been nowhere to be found. Jesper had hoped to continue the conversation. Well, it had been nice talking to him. His absence wouldn’t ruin his night though it was sad.

Jesper yawned and put his arms behind his head. Then he started walking into the fog that always clung to Ketterdam’s street in the early morning hours while the sun started rising in the harbor

Chapter Text

Jesper couldn’t get him of his mind. And it made no fucking sense.

He frowned as he polished the handles of his revolvers, as he did every night (or morning) before he went to sleep.
It was a ritual and if he didn’t complete it it would be impossible to sleep.
When he sat down with his revolvers, it felt like the bees that constantly buzzed under his skin and gave him more energy than he could often use calmed down and settled.

The ritual still worked and the bees were quiet, but his mind was racing.

It had been six days since he’d been out gambling and his thoughts circled back to the boy whenever he had a free minute.
And it didn’t make sense!

He talked to Wylan maybe five minutes at best. They didn’t even discuss anything interesting. And yes, Wylan had been funny and very cute and Jesper would like to talk to him again, but that didn’t explain the thoughts and dreams about him.
Jesper dreamed about him! He never dreamed! And the dreams weren’t even sexy. It was just Wylan over and over again. Smiling, just sitting there. Nothing special. Nothing to dream about!

Jesper rubbed his forehead and looked at the revolver in his hand.
The handle was as shiny now as it had been the day he had bought them.

He was ready to sleep now. But in his sleep, Wylan would wait. And he would smile and make little jokes and Jesper would wake up happy but so frustrated that he wanted to tear his own hair out.
Longing for something that wasn’t even real, but just a fantasy of his mind.

He sighed.
He didn’t want to admit it, but it was quite obvious that he found himself with a crush. A crush on a man that he had seen only once in his life and didn’t really know anything about.

He put his revolvers to the side on his night stand and kicked of his boots.

There was an easy solution to his problem.
Tomorrow he would just go pack to the Razorgulls club and see Wylan again. He didn’t even need to gamble. Just have a few drinks and talk to the boy.

The small voice that liked to pop up in his head tried to remind him that not everybody wanted to see him all the time. And maybe it was a little invasive to go to Wylan’s workplace just to talk to him. There he couldn’t just go away if he didn’t want to talk to Jesper.
Jesper didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable.
But he still pushed the voice to the side. This particular voice was most of the time just mean and wanted him to be insecure. He wouldn’t listen to this construct of negative expectations and limits.
He would go and see Wylan and he would not make him uncomfortable.

Jesper smiled as he let himself fall into the mattress and closed his eyes. He would dream of Wylan and then meet him tomorrow.

-

Jesper walked through the doors of the now more familiar club.

There were a lot less people than last time and nearly no tourists here tonight.
Only a few workers and sailors who played just for the time to pass and to have some kind of after work relaxation, not for big money. But he wasn’t really interested in the games tonight. He had a very different target tonight who had a very cute face and would hopefully be here.

After the quick glance around he wanted to go straight to the bar, but the bouncer held him back by the arm and jerked him back. Jesper stumbled a bit and turned around with a surprised face.

‘Back so fast, Fahley?’ She asked and her eyes narrowed in suspicion.
‘Didn’t think your game last week was that good. Why are ya here?’

Jesper grinned at her.
‘Can’t I just really love this beautiful establishment of yours?’

The bouncer just raised an eyebrow and didn’t let go of his arm.

‘Okay, okay. My choice have become a bit limited these days by how many clubs are owned by gangs who really don’t want me there. So I came here again, because I had a lot of fun last week and I know it’s not to busy here. I just want to enjoy myself.’
Jesper smiled and tried to free his arm from the iron grip that the bouncer.

He normally try to charm his way into the pub, but his gut told him that that would be very counterproductive here.

The woman looked at him for a few more moments and then released him with a sigh.

‘I’ll have an eye on you, so no funny business,’ she said and turned back to the door with one last very long look.

Jesper straightened his red jacket and then went with long strides to the bar, where he already could see the copper mob of hair that was turned away from him. He couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy at the prospect of seeing Wylan again.

Like the week before he pulled a bar stool over and sat down. With a big smile, he leaned on the counter and cleared the throat. Wylan flinched a little at that sound and his shoulders tensed as the turned around. But when he looked at Jesper he relaxed a little.

‘Oh, it’s you again.’
His voice was quieter than last week because there were no tourist who filled the whole room with their laughter. He seemed more tired too. The dark shadows under his eyes had deepened.
‘What can I get you?’

‘Oh, I would love to have a conversation about whiskey again, but I’m afraid I’m not in the mood for something strong tonight. Is the beer here drinkable?’ He asked and looked around to see what other people were drinking.

‘I don’t really know to be honest. The other patrons here never complained, but I didn’t try it.’
Wylan put a bottle he just used back on the shelf and then turned to Jesper again but averted his gaze like last time.

‘Then I will have to try it and give you my honest opinion. And then you can tell everyone you did a special taste testing to select this beer.’

A tiny smile formed on Wylan’s face while he started to fill a glass for Jesper with beer.

‘I don’t think that anyone would believe me when I told them that. I don’t really look like a specialist for beer, do I?’ He said and gave Jesper his beer.

‘Well, you certainly look like you're the expert of something. Tell me, what do you like to do when you don’t look fantastic behind a bar?’ Jesper asked and sifted his weight on to his elbows on the counter.
He watched as Wylan blushed a little, which brought out the small freckles on his cheeks. He should really blush more often. It suited him.

‘I don’t know. I don’t have much time to do the things I like. I clean and cook a lot right now,’ he said and ducked his head a little bit. ‘But before… that, I like music.’

‘Oh, music is nice. Never was really gifted with it like others. So never learned to play an instrument. But I can sing drinking songs!’ Jesper smiled at Wylan.

In his mind he started fantasising about how he could learn an instrument together with Wylan.
This fantasy of course ignored the fact that he would never have the focus to actually sit down many hours and do just one thing to get better at it.

His interests changed as fast as his colourful clothing and whenever he started something new it became boring a few days after.
But it never really bothered him. He had the things he liked and where he was good at like shooting, flirting and gambling. (The little voice in his head said that he wasn’t actually good at the last thing. He just did that a lot and lost a lot.)

He directed his attention back to Wylan.

‘Drinking songs can be fun. Though some of them are really weird. I always liked the flute.’
Wylan looked around maybe to see if there were any other customers and then turned back to Jesper.

‘I would love to hear your music,’ he said and started to draw little patterns on the water that settled on the cold glass with his beer. Wylan blushed again and looked away.

‘I don’t really play any more but thank you.’

‘Well, that’s a shame,’ Jesper said and leaned back.
A moment of silence formed between them and the conversations around them seemed to become louder for a second.

He had totally forgotten to keep an eye on the people around them like he had planned to. But nothing bad happened so he probably didn’t need to be on the constant lookout for danger.

‘So, what about the beer?’ Wylan interrupted the moment and Jesper noticed that he didn’t even take a sip from his drink.

‘Oh, of course. You still need my expert knowledge on the art of tasting brewed grain juice,’ he said with a grant gesture and picked up his glass.

On Wylan’s face had again appeared that wonderful tiny smile as he watched him bring the glass to his lips. Jesper took a long drink and then put his beer back down on the counter. The closed his eyes dramatically and mimicked tasting the liquid excessively with as many facial expressions as possible.

When he opened his eyes, Wylan was still watching him with a small smile that didn’t fade like the ones before.

‘My expert tongue has decided.’ Jesper paused dramatically. ‘This beer is very… okay!!’

He grinned and Wylan let out a huffed laugh.

‘Well, I take that is something good? I’ve heard people complain about the quality of beer in the Barrel in general. It tastes like ‘piss’ apparently.’

‘What? Did you never drink beer in a pub here? Like ever?’ Jesper asked surprised.

‘Never really been a drinker, you know. I have drunken some sparkling wine in the past but never anything else really. I don’t like the taste of it and what it does to people,’ Wylan answered and looked away.

He clearly was embarrassed and the blush that now spread over his cheeks wasn’t cute at all but more uncomfortable and it made Jesper want to change the topic so Wylan didn’t have to feel that way.

‘Well, I can understand that. So, how long have you been here? Not that I am a regular, but I haven’t really seen you around here before the other night,’ he asked a put his beer back down.

‘I have only been working here for a few weeks,’ answered Wylan curtly and ducked his head a bit.

‘Ohhh, mysterious. But you’re probably not gonna tell me what you did before, right? A pretty man with a hidden past! I love it.’
Jesper leaned back and studied Wylan who blushed a looked away. If it continued like that, he would get addicted to that cute pink colour on Wylan’s face.

‘There is really not much to tell. And I don’t even know your name. Most people would consider it unwise to just tell a stranger everything about you.’
He turned back to Jesper and even though he didn’t look at him, he smiled in his direction. It wasn’t really the happy smile Jesper wanted to see on his face but more a little tired and even resigned.

‘Haven’t I told you my name!?’ Jesper exclaimed, his eyes widening.
‘Oh, how rude of me. I just totally forgot. Let me introduce you to the fabulous Jesper, me!’ He all said that with a bow, that must look ridiculous sitting on the high chair.
This time Wylan tiny smile was genuine. Jesper grinned self-satisfied.

‘Jesper is a really nice name.’ Wylan said and he had the feeling that it wasn’t just something he said but really actually meant.
Jesper felt himself blush a little bit.

‘Well, thank you. I didn’t pick it myself, but I will tell my father that you liked it,’ he said with an even bigger smile.
Wylan smiled again.

Wylan opened his mouth to answer, but a loud noice from the far right end of the pub distracted him.

One of the sailors had fallen of his chair and seemed to have forgotten where up and where down was. His friends helped him up while he cursed and mumbled things Jesper couldn’t understand.
He turned to look at Wylan who was still watching how the other sailors dragged the one that had fallen back onto his chair.
Jesper again begann to study Wylan’s face. His freckles didn’t just cover his nose and cheeks, but they extended over his jaw down to his neck where they disappeared in his shirt. Jesper wondered how far down they went.

Then Wylan turned his head a bit and the light of the gas lamps fell onto an odd discolouring on the edge of Wylan’s cheekbone.
Jesper couldn’t say for sure, but he was pretty sure that it was a bruise, even though it was just a small one.

This alone wouldn’t be too strange. People got bruised all the time in the barrel. Especially in those very hitable places like the face. But Wylan didn’t seem to be the person to be part of the classic barrel conflicts.
Plus he had a secure job in a pub that was protected by a gang. That usually meant that the protection extended to the bartenders. But maybe he had just been mugged be someone who didn’t know that? That wasn’t to unusual.

Jesper shook his head lightly to stop himself into spiralling into these thoughts that wouldn’t bring him anywhere.

His gaze wandered over the rest of Wylan looking for other injuries.
It was hard to tell because of the bad lighting but Jesper believed to see a dark ring of bruises around one of Wylan’s wrists just barely peeking out of the bottom of the sleeves of Wylan’s to big shirt.
Again, this was a very common injury in the barrel. Maybe some gripped Wylan just a little to hard. That could even have been one of the customers here who tried to get his attention.

Jesper breathed out and tried to sort his thoughts. There was nothing to worry about. He was being irrational. Wylan was protected by the Razorgulls. He didn’t need Jesper to mother him over unnecessary worries.

Wylan turned back to him and as if he had felt Jesper look, he pulled down the sleeves over his wrist.

He smiled weakly.

‘Another good reason not to drink,’ he said quietly.

‘Yeah. Everyone should know their limited with those things or you are going to embarrass yourself. Not that I often listen to my own limits.’ Jesper smiled but it was less honest than just a few moment before.

‘Well, you are at least you are honest with yourself. I know to many people that look down on those who drink to much or gamble or take drugs but then do it themselves and lose themselves in similar ecstasy. It is so hypocritical,’ Wylan said with a shrug.

‘You will probably find more of these people here than you would like. You don’t have many things here that can make you feel superior. And honest people are rare. Here more than anywhere else.’

‘Honesty is a rare good in most parts of this city. Maybe even this whole country. Or in the whole world. Maybe humans are not made to be honest with themselves and with others,‘ Wylan said and smiled humourless.

‘Wow, getting really philosophical and really depressing here. But yeah, you’re probably right.’

Jesper chuckled and took another drink from his beer.
Wylan ducked his head and started cleaning more glasses.
He had a strange way of hiding behind his hair even though it wasn’t even long enough to cover his face and through the strands of his bangs you could still see his eyes blinking through. But still, it was as if it got harder to see him when he ducked down his head like that and put his mob of copper hair between himself and the other person.

Jesper was so absorbed with his investigation of the mystery called Wylan’s hair that he startled a bit when a loud voice broke the silence between them.

‘Oi, boy!’ A deep voice called out from the rooms behind the bar where properly more booze was stored and more importantly where the business talk was done.

Jesper had only been a bit surprised but Wylan flinched, tightening his grip on his own sleeves. He looked to the door and then back to Jesper.

‘I…I’m very sorry. Will… will be back in a minute,’ he said quietly and then hurried through the door out of Jespers sight.

He sat there for a moment looking at the spot Wylan had just disappeared from.
Then he leaned back a little bit and let his eyes wandered through the room again. Before he could even make any interesting and clever observations, a finger jabbed into his shoulder.
Jesper whirled around, one hand on his revolver, but he relaxed a bit when he saw only the unfriendly bouncer.

‘You, Fahey boy. What exactly are ya doing here? Not playing, not doing business, not even properly drinking. Why are ya talking to our bartender so much? Eh?’ The woman looked at him full of suspicion.

Jesper raised his hands in defence.

‘I’m just enjoying a slow evening. Really,’ he said and tried to calm her with one of his extra charming smiles. It did not work.

‘Bullshit. I know what ya doing. Ya gonna cause trouble. And we can’t use that here, can we? So I say, go to the tables and play or fuck off.’ She was now moving closer.
Jesper was pretty sure that she would throw him out with force if she would think it necessary or if just wanted to. Maybe tossing people out of the door was a hobby.

He looked back to the door where Wylan had disappeared. He didn’t want to just leave. That would be so rude and their conversation wasn’t done jet.
He had really enjoyed Wylan’s company. He wouldn’t want to disappoint him by just going away without saying goodbye. That didn’t seem fair.

But he didn’t have the money on him to gamble. At least not so he would seem suspicious. He was too well known for loving to play with big money.

So he sighed and slowly stood up.

‘Well, then I bit you a good night,’ he said with a mocking bow in the direction of the bouncer.

She just raised an eyebrow. He turned and walked to the open door. Before vanishing into the night the looked back to the bar that looked empty without Wylan. He stepped into the night and sighed. A feeling told him that this wouldn’t be the last time the would step through this door. 

Chapter Text

Jesper was restless again.

He was sitting on a roof in the dark of the late night and a bit of rain dripped on the brim of his hat.

He was supposed to watch the building opposite to him, but his thoughts always drifted away after a few moments.

Most of the time, they returned to a certain man in a pub on the opposite side of the city.
Wylan probably wasn’t even at the pub right now. It was a rainy night and the streets were pretty empty, so the Razorgull’s den may have closed down already.

Maybe Wylan already slept in a small room above one of the shops in the harbor. Maybe he even had a small apartment. Or he lived in the house of the Razorgulls like Jesper lived in the Slat. Did Wylan even have the Razorgull tattoo? Maybe he wasn’t even a member of the gang and just worked for them.

Jesper shook his head. He needed to focus.
Inej and Kaz relied on him.

He checked his rifle that he had laid beside him. All good there.

It was too quite for his taste. This whole job that they had been planning and executing over the last few days had been going very smooth and extremely quiet. Too quiet for Jesper’s taste.
He hadn’t fired a bullet in too long. And he hadn’t even been in a remotely dangerous situation for over two weeks. The bees beneath his skin seemed to grow louder by the day. He would need to do something against that soon.

If tonight everything went well, the job would be done.
Kaz just needed to get into that office building and swap out some papers.

To be honest, Jesper had already forgotten what exactly they were doing. Kaz had said something bribing, something something breaking in, something something papers and boom! everything good for them.
Sadly Jesper was only needed as lookout and emergency sharpshooter. He liked the jobs where he could actually do something instead of just sitting around.
Especially if it was in the rain. That was one of the things he would always miss about Novyi Zem, warmth and sunshine for most of the year.

He turned a bit to get into a more comfortable position and nearly screamed like a little child.

A small figure crouched next to him. In the last second he pressed his own hand on his mouth to stop the scream.
His hands had automatically moved to his revolvers, but he of course recognized Inej a moment later. Only she had this ability to just pop up out of nowhere. Jesper would probably never figure out how she did it.

He couldn’t see her face because of the hod but he could swear that she smiled a little. Maybe she did this whole ‘moving without sound’ thing just to scare him.

‘Everything is clear here?’ She said but already seemed to know the answer.

‘Would I sit here this relaxed if it weren’t?’
Jesper frowned jokingly and reached for his rifle.

‘It’s you, you can never be sure. I have seen you drinking while fighting,’ Inej replied. ‘Kaz is out. Everything went smoothly. Nobody noticed. Now we can just go home and see if everything works out.’

‘Good.’ Jesper stood up and stretched. ‘I feel like this rain is starting to soak my bones. Wanna go and drink something at the crow club. Celebrate?’

‘No, I have some other things I have to see to. Sorry.’
Inej stood up too and looked at him. Now he could see her face in the faint light from the lanterns below on the street. She didn’t seem tired, even though Jesper knew that she had been up all day and night and climbed more buildings than he had seen today.

‘But we can walk together if you like,’ she said and smiled. Normally she preferred to use her paths above the streets, so Jesper appreciated the offer.

‘Yes please. If you don’t come with me, I will probably do something stupid because I’m so bored. Kaz should know not to sit me on a roof all night with nothing to do.’
Jesper strapped his rifle over his back.

Then he followed Inej down the rope into the small alley behind the building.

They started to walk back to the Slat.
It was quite the long walk and they needed to get over multiple canals, the east stave and half the barrel.
All of that while the rain was getting stronger. Jesper was pretty sure that Inej could do this trip in half the time if she would take the route over the rooftops.
But he was grateful for her company.

For a few minutes they walk silently next to each other, just enjoying each other's presence. Normally Jesper would get nervous after more than five seconds of silence, but with Inej it was different. The silence wasn’t a pause, but an intentional break to just focus on himself and her. The bees under his skin quieted.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Inej asked suddenly.

‘What? I don’t really know. This and that. Nothing specific. Like always, six thoughts at the same time.’

‘No, I mean more in general. You are more distracted than usually.’ Inej looked at him questionly.

‘You know how I am. I’m always distracted. Can’t keep my mind on just one thing. Always has been like this,’ Jesper answered with a shrug and a smile.

‘No. That’s not what I mean. I know how you usually are. Normally you are a lot more energetic in your distractions. Like you are bouncing around topics and thoughts. This is more specific. More internal. Almost as if you slip into brooding every now and then. It is not bad but different and I just wanted to make sure you are doing okay.’

‘Awww, that’s so sweet of you. But don’t worry. I’ve just been a bit lost in thought for the last few days.’ Jesper cleared his throat.

He knew what Inej meant. I felt it too. He had been thinking a lot about Wylan. And thinking about him was very different than thinking about guns. He still didn’t really know why. His thoughts just eventually came back to him.

‘Well,’ he started with an awkward cough. ‘I kind of been thinking a lot about someone.’

Inej just raised an eyebrow, encouraging him to go on.

‘I don’t even really know him. Just met him twice, to be exact. But I can’t stop thinking about him. Something about him is just kind of intriguing, I guess? And it’s not like I am in love or anything. I just think he is super cute and would like to get to know him better. You know?’

Inej smiled and nodded.
‘That is good, Jesper.’

She didn’t say more but Jesper knew what she was telling him with her silence. She was happy that it wasn’t something bad or something to worry about. She hoped for him that it would all work out in the end. Jesper smiled.

‘Do I know him?’ Inej asked while they were crossing one of the smaller canals.

‘I don’t think so. But you most of the time know everybody. Okay, he is kind of working in one of the Razorgull pubs.’

‘Oh well, that’s something,’ she replied.
Her raised eyebrows became more skeptical. ‘Are you sure that is a good idea?’

‘No, not really. But I’m not even sure if he is part of the gang. Maybe he just happens to work there. Not everyone who works at the crow club is a member either.’

‘Do you want me to find out? Wouldn’t be too much trouble. I could find out if he is single too.’
She smiled at him with a twinkle in her dark eyes.

‘Oh, no. I don’t want him to feel like I stalked him or anything. I want to get to know him through himself. It is his choice what he wants to tell me,’ Jesper said and scratched his neck.

‘That is the answer I wanted to hear. But please be save. I don’t want you to get killed because you got caught in the bed of the enemy or something like that.’

Jesper just laughed but suddenly turned to her with horror on his face.

‘Please tell me you won’t tell Kaz. Please. I don’t want him to lecture me or do something worse. Please. He so  would hate this.’

‘Don’t worry. I don’t plan on telling him,’ Inej said. ‘Except if it should be relevant to a job of course. ‘

Jesper rolled his eyes. ‘Of course. But if that get’s relevant, he will already probably know. Ghezen, he maybe even knows already.’

Inej just chuckled. A few moments long both were silent. The crow club started to appear at the end of the street through the rain.

‘Well, I’m going drinking now,’ Jesper said and grinned. ‘See you soon. Take care, yeah?’

Inej smiled and vanished into the shadows.

-

The rain hadn’t left Ketterdam for the next two days. It had gotten worse actually.
The buckets and buckets that poured from the clouds started to drag Jesper’s mood down with them. Ketterdam wasn’t as fun without the masses of people that filled the west stave at night.

But at least the rain washed the streets clean and took with them the dirty clouds of smoke and gases from the factories. Those clouds would return as soon as the downpour stopped, but it was nice to breathe clean air in the barrel for once.

Despite the shit weather Jesper found himself in front of the Razorgull den again.

This time he stopped for a moment to read the name of the club for the first time. “Golden seagull” was an acceptable name, but the sigh it was written on was exceptionally ugly. Maybe a kid had drawn that.

Jesper shrugged and opened the door.

He was greeted by yellow light and a gush of warmth. He smiled and stepped inside, where of course a very grumpy bouncer was already waiting for him. He kind of started to like her.

‘Back again?’ She asked and looked even more suspicious than last time. Jesper hadn’t thought that even possible.

‘Jup. But I swear not on purpose. This was just the nearest club where I wasn’t banned, you know? Didn’t want to stay in the rain. It’s really nasty out there.’

The bouncer just huffed and looked him up and down.

‘And tell me, why don’t ya go and play at ya own club. The Crowclub?’

Jesper smiled charmingly.
'Unfortunately, the dear Dirtyhands won’t let me play there anymore. I’m apparently bad for business, I'm afraid.’

The bouncer stayed silent for some time and looked him up and down again. Then she shrugged.

‘Well, don’t waste time, will ya? Play and drink but don’t just sit around. Or this will be the next den ya banned from, all right kiddo?’

Jesper just laughed and nodded, then turned to the rest of the pub.

He hadn’t expected it to be this full. Of course not many tourists, but the room was packed with workers and sailors. Many of them probably just didn’t want to be in the rain and had wanted to warm up here but had been talked into a drink or a game.

But his gaze wandered over them without really seeing and his eyes locked on the bar.
But he couldn’t spot the mob of copper hair. Instead there was the bar woman he had expected the first time he had come here. The sharp face and long black hair were kind of a shock to see behind the bar, he had started to associate Wylan with.

He still started to walk to the bar and searched the rest of the room for Wylan. Too bad that boy was so small. He would easily be overlooked between all the tall sailors.

Without really looking he pulled one of the last empty chairs at the bar over and sat down while still scanning the room.

‘What do you want?’ Asked the woman behind the bar with a high voice.

‘Just a beer. Thank you,’ he answered absentmindedly.
The bar woman stepped away, mumbling to herself.

Then Jesper finally saw it. Red hair between the crowd.

Wylan ducked between two workers and maneuvered a tray with whiskey glasses to a table of vendors Jesper knew from the cheap tourist souvenir shops. He couldn’t suppress a smile at finally seeing Wylan again.

He was in a way cuter than in Jesper’s mental image. He watched while Wylan placed the glasses on the table without saying a word to any of the men.
They didn’t seem to really notice him either. Wylan brushed a curl of his hair behind his ear and turned from the table.

Then Wylan looked up and their eyes met.

Jespers smiled brightly at him and Wylan’s eyes went from a bit dull and tired to sparkling. He smiled one of his tiny smiles at him. Jesper could swear that a literal firework show went of in his stomach. Then Wylan inclined his head and vanished back into the crowd.

Jesper breathed out. He had already feared that he wouldn’t see Wylan tonight or that he didn’t want to see him.

The Razorgulls probably wanted him serving the tables because it was so busy tonight. That made sense though a part of Jesper was a little disappointed not to have him to himself tonight. Sadly there would be no fun conversations, but at least he could see Wylan.

He nipped at his whiskey and watched Wylan doing his job.

Right now he stood at a table with a few tourists and took orders. Then he ducked his head and started to slip through the crowd to the bar where Jesper sat.

He had a certain way of moving around the people. Even though the room was packed and there was not much space Wylan managed to not touch a single person while moving. He seemed even smaller than normally between the crowd and Jesper wasn’t sure if it was just the comparison of Wylan and the taller workers or if he made himself smaller so he wouldn’t disturb anyone.

Wylan headed to the bar woman, who was only a few steps away from Jesper behind the bar.

He smiled at him before leaning over the counter and giving the woman the orders. Then he turned to Jesper and looked at him curiously.

‘Is this your new favorite pub? It is not normal for someone like you to be here this often. Our regulars are normally very different from you,’ he said with a twinkle in the eye.

‘Well, maybe it is not my favorite pub but my favorite bartender,’ Jesper answered with a charming smile.

Wylan blushed and ducked his head. He opened his mouth to reply, but the bar woman shoved the new order over to him and interrupted him. Wylan smiled apologeticly and took the tray.
He vanished back into the crowd.

Jesper sighed, but the happy smile didn’t disappear from his face.

He went back to his new activity, watching Wylan work. He watched him for a few minutes in silence, sometimes sipping on his beer.

He realized that Wylan not only had the strange ability to move through the masses of people without touching any of them, but he also became almost invisible between them. It was similar to the thing he did with his hair, where he hid behind it. He didn’t melt into the shadows like Inej liked to do but he somehow just didn’t draw the attention of people around him.

Jesper saw on multiple occasions how customers looked up to order something or to get Wylan to clean something up and searched for him long seconds even though he was right next to them. He wondered if Wylan did that on purpose or if it just came naturally to him.

Wylan came back to the bar a couple of times to bring back empty glasses or get new orders, but there was never enough time for them to speak again. But Wylan always looked in Jesper’s direction and smiled.

Jesper realized that it calmed him in a weird way to watch him work.
The bees under his skin were quiet and his thoughts didn’t race through his head. He just watched and found comfort in it even though the rest of the room was so busy. His eyes just followed Wylan and everything else became more or less unimportant.

Of course he didn’t let down his guard completely. No one who lived as long in the Barrel as Jesper or was friends with Kaz Brekker would ever stop observing the people and movements around him. But there didn’t seem to be any eminent threats, so Jesper could relax.

He realized another thing while watching Wylan.
He was extremely nervous and tense. His shoulders didn’t relax for even a second.
He was extremely alert to everything around him. His eyes flickered around so as to keep everyone in his sight.
He sometimes jumped when someone yelled or when something fell over. Of course it was only natural to be alert when you needed to take care of customers because you didn’t want to miss any requests, but Wylan seemed exhausted and as if he just wanted to be somewhere else.

Of course a part of Jesper’s mind immediately started making plans to get Wylan out of this situation, but logically he knew he couldn’t just drag him away from his work. Wylan wouldn’t want that.

‘Oi! Fahey!’ Somebody said behind him and a massive hand landed on his shoulder.
Jesper almost fell from his stool. He turned around to see a short but very muscular man behind him. He recognized him as one of Kaz's friendlier business partners.

‘Oh, hey. Didn’t see you there,’ he answered and smiled.
It was strange how the man had managed to sneak up on him. Jesper would normally feel when someone came so close to him. Maybe he had just been too occupied with watching Wylan.
The voice in the back of his head asked if this was creepy of him.

‘You want to come over and have a game with us? The others say you’re a lot of fun, ey? We wanted to start a new round of seven roses.’
The man smiled at Jesper and he realized that he had no idea what his name was.

Jesper quickly glanced over to the bouncer. It would probably be best if he played something so she would start to be even more suspicious.

‘Why not?’ He stood up and drained his glass. ‘But I won’t play big money tonight. Just a bit for the fun.’

The man smiled, agreed and guided Jesper through the crowd to a table more in the back of the hall.
There he introduced him to the other players. A tall thin woman with a scar on her forehead, a boy in Jesper’s age with long brown hair and an older lady with only one hand. And of course the dealer who was a short Razorgull man with a very long nose.

Jesper of course immediately forgot their names. But even though he hadn’t really come here to gamble, he started to get excited. This group was very unpredictable. He didn’t know how they would play and it made his stomach hum with anticipation.

He looked around and tried to spot Wylan again, but this place had a way worse view than his seat at the bar. He would just hope for him to come here.

‘All ready?’ Asked the dealer and started giving out cards.

-

An hour later Jesper was deep into the game and had already put more money in than he had planned to. He should have predicted that. Right now the boy with the long hair was on top but Jesper felt a lucky strike coming. His cards were really good.

He had seen Wylan a couple of times during the game. He had walked past twice and had smiled at him. Jesper was pretty sure that Wylan looked more tired with every time he walked by. The boy needed a break.

Jesper starred at his cards and tried to work out a good strategy when the old woman next to him raised her arm and yelled over the conversations of the other tables.

‘Boy! Over here!’

Jesper was sure that she would have snapped her fingers if she had a hand on that arm but her yelling was enough to get Wylan’s attention, who was just collecting glasses from the table behind them.

He came over to them and looked no one in the eye but Jesper thought he smiled at him, just a tiny bit.

‘What can I get you?’ Wylan asked just loud enough for them to be heard.
His voice sounded different from how he had spoken to Jesper today and at their other meetings. It was obvious to him that Wylan tried to conceal his exhaustion while still appearing friendly.

‘Rum,’ said the lady that had called Wylan over.

‘For me too,‘ answered the tall woman and the man that had brought Jesper over at the same time.

The boy with the long hair just shook his head.

‘Whiskey. I don’t care what kind,’ responded Jesper and looked up to Wylan, who met his gaze for a second and even though his lips didn’t move, Jesper could see the smile in his eyes.

Wylan nodded and disappeared back into the crowd. Jesper followed him with his eyes. A moment before Wylan ducked out of sight, he could have sworn that he could see a bruise on the back of his neck just barely peeking out of his hair.

Jesper frowned. That was a strange injury. You didn’t get a bruise like that just from falling down. There was force behind that injury.

But before he could start to worry too much, the next round started and captured his attention.

A few minutes later Wylan reappeared with a tray full of glasses. This time he had his head even more down than before and it was impossible for Jesper to meet his gaze.

The tall woman threw Wylan a copper coin while he put her glass in front of her. He caught it before it could hit the table and mumbled a thanks.

Jesper wondered what Wylan did with his tips. Maybe he saved to buy himself a flute? Or maybe he was a collector of some sort? He probably needed all the money for a place to live and food. Not many people in the Barrel had a lot of spending money. But it was a nice idea that he saved up for something.

Before he could continue these thoughts, he got interrupted.

The man beside him, the business partner of Kaz, grabbed Wylan by the wrist and janked him to himself.
Wylan stumbled and almost fell into the table. Before Jesper could react, had the man a hand on Wylan’s backside and had a disgusting grin on his face. The tall woman laughed approvingly.

‘This is a pretty one, isn’t he? What do you think, baby boy? How about we go outside and…’

Jesper’s chair fell down with a loud crash.

He hadn’t even realized that he had stood up. He grabbed the man by the arm and ripped him away from Wylan. One of his hands laid on his revolver, ready to shoot if necessary.

‘Let go of him, you freak. Did he ask for this? What the fuck is wrong with you?’

He didn’t think about what exactly he was doing. He wasn’t worried about being in a rival gang’s pub. He didn’t think about not making a mess or not being thrown out.

‘What the fuck, man?’ Shouted the man and tried to free himself from Jesper. ‘I’m just joking. A bit of fun!’

Jesper’s grip tightened, but a hand touched his arm.

‘Jesper, please. Just… Let it go? Please? It… it is no big deal really. I can handle it.’

When he looked over, Wylan had a hand resting on his arm to calm him.
He could see in his pupils blown wide with fear and the deep bags under his eyes. It seemed that he just didn’t want the trouble.

‘See, man? He doesn’t mind! Now sit down you weirdo and play! It’s no big deal!’ The man said, raising his hands defensively. ‘He probably liked it, you know? Ask him!’

‘Out,’ answered Jesper through gritted teeth and shoved the man backwards. He stumbled a bit. ‘Get out of the club now!’

‘Since when are you a Razorgull bouncer, Fahey? We should really…’ The man got interrupted again, this time by the bouncer, who shoved her way through the crowd to them.

‘What is going on here?’ She yelled. Her eyes wandered over the situation before her. A chair on the ground, Jesper with his hands on his pistols, a very angry short man and Wylan, who looked like he would start to cry any moment now.

‘That bastard is crazy. Starts a fight over nothing!’ Yelled the man back and pointed accusingly at Jesper.

The bouncer turned to him and raised a very disapproving eyebrow. She wanted to look relaxed and as if she had the situation under control, but Jesper could see how tense she was. She was preparing for a fight.

‘It was…’ Jesper began, but then his eyes landed on Wylan.
He still stood next to Jesper but had taken a step back. He seemed to try to make himself as small as possible. With one hand he nervously played with the hem of his shirt, the other ran up and down his arm.
He still looked like he would cry any moment and Jesper didn’t know if it was because of what had happened or because of the fight that was breaking out because of him.

‘It… It is okay,’ Jesper said and lowered his hands.
The bouncer seemed to relax a bit.

‘I will just go, okay. No trouble.’ He took his jacket from the back of the chair and collected his money, all with deliberate slow movements.

He could feel the bouncer’s stare on the back of his neck and could hear the angry mumbles of the other man. The other players at the table just seemed to be annoyed by the whole conversation.

He turned around and gave them his best easy going smile. The bouncer seemed to have nothing of that. She took him by the arm and started to half guide half drag him to the door.

Jesper turned to look at Wylan.
He met his eyes for a second and Wylan smiled weakly.

Jesper didn’t like leaving him here with that man. Every fiber of his being screamed to stay and make sure that Wylan was okay and save. But he knew that anything like that would just cause more trouble and he was pretty sure that that was the last thing Wylan wanted right now.

So he just went with the woman, casting one last glance back to see Wylan fumbling with his hair and looking utterly lost in the crowd.

Jesper wanted to take him with him, wrap him up in blankets, make him some food, keep him save. Then he was shoved out of the door. The bouncer gave him one last annoyed look and mumbled something to the lines of ‘don’t think about coming back here soon’. Then she closed the door.

Jesper turned to the alley and breathed out.

It still rained, but it was no longer like a flood from the sky but just a dribble.
There were a few people standing around, but nobody really seemed to be noticing him.

He buried his head in his hands and tried to shake free from the worries that were crowding his head. He was so close to just bursting back into the club and getting Wylan out. Get him somewhere where he could sleep in peace and play the flute. Something like that.

He leaned his head back till he was looking up into the sky. Ketterdam’s sky was almost always clouded with smoke, especially in the barrel. There were no stars. When he still lived in Novyi Zem the nearest city to their farm had been miles away. At night there were no lights around but the moon and the stars. You had been able to see every star constellation.
His dad had tried to teach him how to recognize them but Jesper had never been patient enough to actually learn them.

Now he missed the stars.

He was lost in thought when the door of the gambling den opened again. at first he didn’t pay attention to it but then a quiet voice disrupted his thoughts.

‘Jesper?’

His head snapped back and his eyes immediately found Wylan. He clutched a cleaning rag with his hands and nervously glanced back and forth between the door to the club and Jesper. He was obviously not supposed to be there.

‘Ghezen, Wylan!’ Exclaimed Jesper and turned rapidly to him. ‘How are you feeling? Are you okay? Were you hurt? Can I do anything?

The questions seemed to fall out of his mouth and he took a step into Wylan’s direction.
Wylan remained silent and just looked at him with those tired eyes. Jesper stopped and took a deep breath.

‘I’m sorry,’ he began.

‘No, I’m sorry,‘ interrupted Wylan but his voice stayed very quiet. ‘I didn’t mean to get you kicked out. And it’s nice that you tried to stand up for me, but it really isn’t necessary and you shouldn’t get in trouble for it. It’s not worth it…’

‘No, Wylan! What are you talking about?
That man was awful and I couldn’t let him be such an arsehole and get away with it.
And I don’t mind getting in trouble for it, for you. It’s not your fault. You didn’t ask me to do it. I did it because it was really necessary and absolutely worth it! And you should know that you always be worth getting in trouble for. Of course you shouldn’t be in situations were that is necessary and especially those where you think nobody is going to help.
And I really didn’t try to be like a hero or a knight in shining armour or anything for you.
Ghezen, I didn’t even really think. You probably already noticed that. I just wanted to help and do the right thing. The others certainly didn’t look like they were going to say something.
And I’m so sorry if I got you into trouble for causing the whole scene. I hope your boss isn’t going to be upset with you, but maybe you can tell them that it was my fault. And…’

‘It’s okay, Jesper.’ Wylan gently stopped the cascades of words that Jesper was spitting out while waving his hands around like a madman.

‘Oh, sorry. I started to ramble. I think it’s probably the adrenaline of the whole situation. Sorry,’ he replied and awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. ‘But really. Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine. Promise. Thinks like that happen, right? Especially with a lot of drunk people around. You get used to it.’ Wylan looked down and laughed a little. It sounded dry.

‘Oh, that’s even more horrible. You should never need to get used to such a thing, ever! I’m sorry that happened.’

Wylan just shrugged. Out here he seemed a bit more relaxed than inside the gambling den, but the exhaustion was still there. He had deep, dark circles under the eyes and even his hair seemed to hang down lifelessly.

‘You look like you could really use a break, you know?‘ Jesper said and he knew that he sounded like his father after Jesper hadn’t slept for two days.

‘Oh, I will go to sleep after I’m done in there. Only a few more hours. I will manage,’ he replied with a shrug, but Jesper was sure that Wylan, in a few more hours, would be at the verge of collapsing. He really didn’t seem to be up to a few more hours running around and dealing with people.

‘It’s so quiet out here,’ Wylan said. ‘I sometimes forget what quiet is like when I’m working. It seems unreal now. But so nice.’

Jesper smiled and nodded. ‘I can’t really stay quiet for more than a few minutes. I just talk so much. Tell me if I talk too much, alright?’

‘Don’t worry. I like to hear you talking,’ said Wylan, looking down and blushing.

Jesper just wanted to answer when a man and two woman entered the alley, talking loudly and obviously a bit drunk.

Wylan flinched at the sound of the booming voices and ducked his head even more.

Jesper wanted to tell the people to shut up but he couldn’t cause more trouble here. It would just make things harder for Wylan if he was involved in two such incidents in one evening. Jesper didn’t want him to get fired.

The voice in the back of his head told him that Wylan then wouldn't have to work so long and be in loud places and that would be good for him. If he had been alone he would have started to argue with the voice, that Wylan needed money just to live and if it took long shifts to get that money, than that was nothing he could change.

‘This stuff is great really!!’ The voice of one of the woman who just entered the alley was impossible to overhear.
She was holding a bottle with liquid in it and waved it around. Probably some kind of new drug.

Jesper turned to Wylan to continue the conversation,  but Wylan’s eyes were fixed on the three people and their conversation.

‘And the new guy made that? Really?’ Asked the man who was the most sober of the group. ‘That’s hard to believe. Looked like he didn’t even know what’s left and right.’

‘I swear! It goes through everything, metals, wood, skin!’, said the woman with the bottle. ‘This acid is really great! Just imagine what we could do with this stuff!’

Jesper was sure that this conversation wasn’t actually meant for the streets, where others could hear them.
This were probably members of another gang, who just got a new weapon from their demolitionist.
If the circumstances were different, he would assume that this conversation was made to be heard by others. It sounded fake and as if these people were trying to give false information to enemies. The only other explanation for this weird style of speaking was, that these people were very drunk or high, which they were. They were probably really just bragging and telling each other new stuff very very loudly.

‘Gimme,’ slurred the other woman and took the bottle out of the hand of the other.
She didn’t protest.

‘Let’s see how this works,’ she said and took out a handkerchief.
She started to pour the acid on it, but suddenly stumbled. She half fell into the wall next to her but chaught herself with one arm. The liquid in the bottle spilled over onto her arm.

It was completely silent for a moment in the alley.

Then the woman began to scream and shake her arm, trying to get the acid of herself.

Jesper was frozen in place.
The wasn’t sure if the woman was actually in pain or just panicking.

Before he could even think of what to do, Wylan was next to the woman.

He took the woman’s arm with a firm grip before she could accidentally hit him. He didn’t say a word, while the woman was still panicking. Jesper took a few steps in their direction but still wasn’t sure what actually to do. The two companions of the woman also seemed to have no clue what to do. But Wylan seemed to know.

Jesper could just hear him mumbled ‘sorry’, then he ripped of the arm of the shirt of the woman with surprising strength.
Jesper could see that smoke was coming from the fabric as it fell on the ground. But the acid was already on the woman’s arm.

‘What acid is this?’ Asked Wylan.
His voice was firm. There was nothing left of the tired and anxious boy that had just talked to Jesper. He spoke with the authority of someone who knew what to do.
‘Tell me!’

‘Man, I don’t know! Hudrochlor acid or something. Hydrochloric acid! Yeah, that’s it!’ The other woman said.

Wylan just gave her a short nod and pulled a bottle free from his belt, where he stored his cleaning supplies.

‘Hold still’, he commanded the woman. ‘This is going to feel hot.’

Then he sprayed something on her arm and held it in place while the liquids sizzled and then started to drop from the woman’s arm.

He took his wet rag and wiped the rest of the liquid of the arm.

The skin beneath was red as if sunburned but it was intact and not etched.

‘I hope it is okay,’ Wylan said. Suddenly his voice was quiet again.

The woman slowly stopped screaming but couldn’t take her eyes off her arm. The man nodded to Wylan and he and the other woman guided her back out the alley.

For a moment the alley was quiet, except for the voices and laughter that came from the inside of the gambeling den next to them. Jesper just stared at Wylan with an open mouth.
Wylan didn’t look at him.

‘I’m sorry. I should… I didn’t,’ he began and fumbled with the seams of his shirt.

‘That was amazing!’ Jesper began to grin. ‘You are amazing! How did you do that?’

Wylan blushed again. ‘I just…’

He suddenly stopped again and looked down on his hand. He cursed. He again ripped the bottle from his belt and sprayed on his hand.

‘Shit, shit, shit,’ he mumbled and tried to wipe his hand while still holding the bottle.

This time Jesper didn’t freeze.
The jumped into action and took the rag from Wylan.
He started wiping his hand trying to get as much as possible of the liquid off. Then he looked up at Wylan.

‘Are you okay? Does it burn?’ He looked at the skin to see if he could see anything but the redness.

‘No, it’s okay. Thank you I should have been more careful,’ he replied and also looked down at his hand, that Jesper held in his.

For a moment they both just look down. Then Jesper let go and laughed awkwardly.

‘We should bandage that. Come, sit down.’ He guided Wylan around the next corner into the small courtyard behind the pub.

There was a bench that looked stable enough. Jesper helped him sit down, even though Wylan probably didn’t even need help.

If the situation had been different, he would have thought about how nice Wylan’s hair looked from this close or how he smelled nice even though he worked surrounded by alcohol and smoke. But right now he was just worried.

‘It’s okay, really. I don’t even think it got through more than two layers of skin. It won’t kill me or anything. I promise.’

Jesper just shook his head and kneeled down before Wylan.

‘You should really cover it. Just to be sure,’ he said and started rummaging through his pockets. ‘You could tell me, what exactly you did back there, because I didn’t understand a thing and it looked fucking awesome. I will just look for something to use as a bandage.’

‘It’s not really interesting what I did. Just chemistry.’

‘I would like to hear it. If you want to tell me. It just looked very cool.’

‘The acid they had has a pretty simple formula. It has hydrogen and chlorine. That stuff in my bottle is caustic soda. We normally use it for cleaning and stuff. It can be a bit dangerous too.
But if they react, they make sodium chloride and H2O. That’s just salt and water. Not dangerous at all. The only problem is that those two react very hot. I was scared I would burn her. That’s why I tried to cool down the skin with my wet rag. If it had been more acid this would have been way too dangerous. But in small portions, it can work.’

Jesper again just starred. In his one hand he had a bandage but he had forgotten what he wanted to do with it.

‘That’s brilliant! That’s even cooler than I thought it was! How do you know that stuff?’

‘I… you know.’ Wylan ducked his head. ‘Just kind of picked it up along the way. Nothing specific.’

Jesper had a feeling that there was more to it than Wylan was saying. But if he didn’t want to tell Jesper, then that was his business. Jesper of course would still nearly explode with curiosity.

‘Wow, it’s so cool,’ he just said and looked up at Wylan. ‘Can I take care of your hand?’

Wylan nodded and held out his arm.
Jesper gently took his hand in his and started to unroll the bandage. Wylan’s skin was cold but not unpleasant under his. It was incredibly smooth. Jespers hands were full of calluses from his time working on the farm and now holding a gun, climbing and fighting people.
It was a nice contrast.

He could feel how the bees in his stomach began to buzz. But not in a restless way but in an excited and very very happy way. It filled him up with warmth from the toes up to his ears.

And then it suddenly stopped.

Jesper looked down on Wylan’s fingers, where a gold band shimmered. A ring.

Wylan looked at him confused, then flowed his gaze.

‘Oh, my wedding ring?’ His voice was so quiet that Jesper could barely hear it.
Wylan’s hands started to tremble just a tiny bit. Jesper forgot to breathe for a moment.

‘I’m married. You didn’t notice?’ Wylan asked, his voice still a whisper.

Jesper was pretty sure he was afraid. Afraid of what? Of Jesper? That he would be angry that he was married? Jesper right now was just confused and maybe caught a bit of guard?

Jesper shook his head and smiled, even though the buzz inside him had died down.

‘Sorry. I’m not very observant most of the time. Who is the lucky woman? Or man?’

‘I don’t know if you know him. He is one of the people who run the gambling den. That’s why I work there. We haven’t been married for long,’ Wylan replied and relaxed a little but still followed Jesper’s movements with his eyes.

‘Sorry, that I’m so surprised. I just didn’t think anyone our age was already married. Just seems strange to me, you know? The only married people I know are like, what? Fifty?’

Wylan laugend. ‘Yeah. Came as a bit of a shock to me too. Just kind of happened.’

‘Well, congratulations. I hope you’re happy,’ said Jesper and he really meant it.

He had started to really really like Wylan. In a way that could maybe one day have been more than just a crush. But if Wylan was happy, then that was perfect. Wylan deserved to be happy. To come home to someone who took care of him after a long day, who asked about his day, who he fell asleep with.
Deep down inside Jesper knew that he wanted to be that person.

But he wouldn’t get angry at Wylan. It was just a crush. Crushes weren’t forever, right?
Wylan was married and probably didn’t have feelings for Jesper anyways. Maybe they could just be friends? Even though Wylan’s husband was the member of a rival gang?

‘Thank you, Jesper,’ Wylan said, disrupting his thoughts. ‘For helping me, for this.’ He held up the bandaged hand. ‘And you know, for everything.’

He again didn’t look at him, but Jesper could see his smile.

‘Your welcome. I hope..’

He got interrupted by the back door that slammed open next to them. Wylan almost fell of the bench.

‘Oi, boy! What are you doing! This is no vacation! Get your lazy arse back in here!’ Yelled the bar woman. Wylan flinched and nodded. He stood up, as did Jesper.

‘Thanks again,’ Wylan said again. ‘I have to get back to work. Sorry. Maybe we see each other again?’

‘Of course,’ Jesper answered with a smile.
Wylan smiled his tiny smile back and then vanished through the door.
Jesper took instinctively a step in that direction.

His heart screamed for Wylan to come back.

Chapter Text

Wylan closed the door behind himself.
He breathed out.

The small flat laid dark before him.
It would probably start to get light outside in an hour or maybe two. He had lost track of time while working at the gambling den.

As quietly as possible, he turned on the gas lamp next to the door.
The warm light flickered over the wood floor and cast Wylan’s shadow on the wall as a grotesque distortion of reality.
Wylan felt as if that shadow showed his reality better than his actual body. His arms felt as though they were stretched long with exhaustion and his legs seemed to have sunken into his body. His head hurt and a part of him just wanted to curl up on the floor and cry until he felt a little better.

But he couldn’t cry until he knew that HE wasn’t there. If Wylan woke him, then he wouldn’t sleep at all tonight.

He untied his shoes and left them and his coat at the door.

With the gas lamp in hand, he started to tiptoe in the direction of the bedroom.
He tried to avoid the floorboards that creaked especially loud but he hadn’t really figured out where exactly they were.
He had a feeling that he would know in a few months. And maybe in a year we would know every little secret of these rooms, every lose floorboard, every hard to clean corner and bubbling pipe.
It was a strangely depressing thought.

He would spend his life here and it would never really feel like home. But he hadn’t really had a home since his mother died, so it didn’t really make a difference after all.

He had managed the short way to the bedroom with only a few creaks.
He very slowly pushed down the handle and peaked through the slit into the room. The room was nearly completely filled with a large bed and Wylan could clearly see a big pile on it that could only be his husband. He slowly closed the door again.

So Richard was home. It felt odd to think of him like that. In Wylan’s head, he had just started to be ‘Sir’ or ‘husband’. It seemed more fitting. Richard felt as if he actually knew this man and was friends with him.

He turned around and started to walk towards the kitchen, as careful as he’d been before.

He was so tired, but he couldn’t bring himself to go into that bedroom, like he was supposed to, and potentially wake up his husband in the process.
He didn’t sleep well in that room, especially when his husband was there. Then he never seemed to calm down and settle down to sleep. And he got nightmares.

He went over to the sink and filled himself a glass of water, of course, again as quiet as possible. The running water was probably one of the best things about this flat. He sat down on one of the stools and let his eyes wander.

The flat was small, just the kitchen, the bedroom with a small bathroom and something that was supposed to be a living room and workroom but was mostly used to store stuff and as a room for Richard and his friends to hang out on the rare occasion of a visit.

No room here was decorated or had anything that wasn’t necessary. No books, which was a strange relief.
An irrational fear of his had been that his husband would try to make him read too. But he hadn’t been interested in that.
Overall, he didn't seem to be interested in anything about Wylan except for his body and the chores he could do, plus maybe the work he did at the pub for the gang.
He was pretty sure that Richard wouldn’t even be able to name Wylan’s eye color or age if asked.

In some aspects, it was much better than with his father, no psychological tricks and punishments, no tutors who tried to get him to read, no constant reminder of how useless he was in the world of merchants.

Here, he could at least feel useful. Most of the things that were demanded of him, he could actually do. Cooking, cleaning, bartending. Of course, he had to learn everything in the beginning but most things weren’t as hard as they seemed.

But in other aspects, this was so much worse.

Richard was a moody person. When he came home in a bad mood, he always found something to punish Wylan for.
There was no way of predicting what he would do next.
At least his father had been very clear about what he expected and what would come if Wylan let him down.
With Richard, he could only guess. He often didn’t even have a reason. He was strong, stronger than his father had been and he used that without remorse.
And then, of course, there was the sex…

He shook his head. What was he sitting here in the middle of the night, contemplating his life? It wouldn’t be any good.

Wylan rubbed the back of his neck, where he knew a big bruise had blossomed this morning. Richard had bitten down hard last night. Maybe he wanted to mark him?
He shuddered at that thought. As if he didn’t already belong to that man.

He was just happy that he had broken the skin too deep. One of his tutors had once explained to him what catastrophic consequences a human bite could have. There were some nasty things in saliva and Wylan doubted that Richard would take him to a doctor.

He drained his glass with a sigh and looked around once more. His stomach grumbled, but he knew better than to take food without asking.

He stood up and walked into the living room.

He unbuttoned the first button of his shirt while dranging over the only blanket in the room.
Then he sat down in the old but very comfortable armchair in the corner and pulled his legs beneath himself. He laid his head on the armrest and pulled the blanket over himself.

He knew that this sleeping spot would ruin his posture, but so would the too soft bed in the bedroom.
He had slept in this chair a couple of times already and he much preferred it to the bed, even though he always woke up with a stiff back.

From here, he could hear when Richard woke up and get started on breakfast. When he slept beside his husband, he always woke up when he stood up and if Richard didn’t sleep well, he often kicked him out of bed, already angry that nothing was ready for him.

Wylan hoped that with time he would develop an inner clock that would wake him in time.

Wylan blinked and tried to think of something else. If he had only negative thoughts before sleeping, he always got nightmares and he had enough of those already, so there was no use summoning them like this.

There were positive things about his new life.

No reading for starters, but he also was allowed to leave the house every day and not just to go to fancy and uptight gatherings of merchants.
He went outside to shop for groceries and other things that he needed around the house. Richard had better things to do than run errands.

Wylan could explore the Barrel but tried to stay in the touristy and safer areas.
It was such a nice change after basically being stuck in the same house for ten years.

He, of course, also went to work every day. Work was exhausting. It was too loud and the people were too handsy.

Wylan had never liked drunk people.
They were just unpleasant to be around and it often scared him.

He nearly always broke down after they had closed the pub and just laid on the floor in one of the backrooms and just did nothing or cried or stared at the wall.

One time Richard had found him there and had wanted to take him home, but had gotten really angry at him because he didn’t react. Wylan hadn’t done it on purpose.
He hadn’t even registered that someone was talking to him and he hadn’t been able to answer when he did. He had been too occupied with listening to what was said and even then, he had only understood a little bit.
Thankfully, no one else had ever tried to talk to him after work, so the punishment he had received for that had been a one time thing.

On some days, the exhaustion had been so overwhelming that he had slept for hours after that.
And not just the normal sleep hours normal people had. It only happened when Richard was away on a job and no one woke him up, but he had slept for more than fifteen hours and would have slept more if not for a bird that had crashed into their little window.
Wylan wished he could sleep that long again. It had only helped a little bit, but a normal night of sleep didn’t do anything against his exhaustion any more.

But there were positive things about his work too.
Bartending was a useful skill and Wylan would have maybe enjoyed it if it had been in a better environment.

Learning all the games that were played was fun too, even though he, of course, only watched. It was interesting to see the different strategies that people played and how they cheated.

The best thing about work, of course, was Jesper.
When Jesper had first walked into the club, Wylan thought that he was just one of those overly chatty guys that started to get touchy after a few drinks. But Jesper was nothing like that.
Yes, he talked a lot, but he was genuinely funny and interesting.

He listened to Wylan. Even before he came to the Barrel, not many people did that.
And of course, Jesper was incredibly attentive. He was not only handsome with his deep gray eyes, dark hair and full lips, but he also radiated confidence with his bright smile and elegant movements. And not the arrogant type of elegance either.

He didn’t move like the ladies at the parties Wylan had been to.
They were graceful, but stiff and predictable. Jesper was elegant in the way the sea was, always moving and spontaneous.

But most importantly, Jesper was kind.

Today had proven that again. Jesper had gotten in trouble for him for something that didn’t even affect him. Of course, Wylan had gotten in trouble too, but that wasn’t the point.

Abarough, that bar woman had yelled at him for five minutes straight and Wylan had tried to blend her voice out, so he wasn’t too sure what she actually said. But that wasn’t too bad.

Jesper had stood up for him when there had been no need for that, because… because he cared for Wylan?

He blinked and tried to lose that thought.

That didn’t make any sense.
He wanted Jesper to care about him, of course he did. Who wouldn’t?
Jesper was one of those people others were just drawn to. He was so easy to like.

But Wylan wasn’t like that. He was complicated and hard to be around, always nervous and more often than not, just weird and annoying.
Not many people had told him this to his face, but he had learned to read people over the years.
The way their faces would scrunch up when he talked or how they rolled their eyes when they turned away from him.

His annoying nervousness had been cute when he had been a little child.
His father’s guests had found it endearing how he would ramble about music or the things he had done that day.

But when this didn’t stop when he grew older, like it would with other children, he started being weird. He had accepted this. Really, he had made his peace with it.

But now he had met Jesper, who was so wonderful and interessting and Wylan wanted nothing more than to be his friend and suddenly he wasn’t okay with being weird anymore.
He wished he could be more likeable. Open and friendly, like Jesper was. Always smiling and knowing what to say or do next.
Jesper was messy and unpredictable, but in a good way. Not in the ‘you’re a social outcast now’ kind of way.

Maybe one day Jesper could like him?

He already talked to Wylan more than anyone had that wasn’t paid by his father.
He had come back to the bar, even if it was just to gamble. And he listened to Wylan! That meant he cared, right? Just a little bit, maybe?

Wylan closed his eyes and sighed.

This wasn’t helping.
He was not good at predicting other people’s feelings. He probably already interpreted all of Jesper’s actions totally wrong.

The only thing these thoughts did was keeping him awake. He needed to sleep. Tomorrow would be another long day and he needed all the energy he could get.

He shifted a bit and tried to find a good position.
His last thought before finally falling asleep was how much more hopeless and unbearable work would now get when he couldn’t hope that Jesper would pop in. Jesper wouldn’t come back to the gambling den, not after tonight.

-

Wylan was woken by the creaking of the floor.

For a moment, he hoped that he had just imagined it and that he could sleep a bit longer, but then he heard the water running in the bathroom.
Richard was up.

He sat up and stretched.

Everything seemed to hurt. And not only because of the weird sleeping position.
The exhaustion of the last few days had seeped into his bones and made everything feel so heavy that he wished he could just lie on the floor and not move again for a few months.
Several bruises on his arms and legs also ached, but that was nothing new either.

But he couldn’t rest now.
Now he needed to make breakfast and prepare for the day.

Maybe he would have too much to do today and could sleep a bit more later. That would be so nice.

He walked into the kitchen while trying to smooth out the wrinkles on his shirt.

He put the kettle on the stove and started to heat up water for coffee.
He never really liked that stuff, but it had become essential to stay awake for him and the people of the Barrel seemed very fond of it. They even mixed it with their alcohol.

A part of him was very grateful every morning that the breakfast in the Barrel was a lot simpler than the one that the rest of Ketterdam liked to enjoy.
He didn’t know if he would have the nerves to make waffles or bake muffins every day without starting to cry. He could make coffee and he could get out bread and butter. That he could manage most of the time.

He had just poured the water into the filter when his husband emerged from the bedroom in a fresh shirt and with a smile on his face.

Wylan tensed a bit.
Not really noticeable, but enough that he could feel the muscles under his skin.

He could smell Richard’s aftershave.
A hard and musky smell and made Wylan’s nose itch. He had noticed that this smell had started rubbing of on him and his clothing. Maybe he was really getting marked.

He looked over his shoulder and tried to smile back. Smiling was good. Smiling meant a good mood. Smiling meant no screaming or pain.

Richard wrapped his arms around Wylan’s waist and rested his head on top of his.

Wylan could feel his muscular chest pressing against his back. For a moment, he forgot to breathe.
The closeness made his skin crawl and he already wanted to curl up and cry, even though he had been awake for just a few minutes.

‘Good morning, doll’, Richard whispered, kissing the top of Wylan’s head.
Wylan managed to keep up his smile.

‘This smells delicious,’ Richard continued. ‘I really don’t know that I did all of that time without you. You are just perfect, you know that?’

Wylan laughed nervously.
A very small part of him perked up at the praise even though it came from a man he had no positive feelings for. He shoved that part down.

‘I missed you in bed tonight. I woke up and you weren’t there. I was really worried for a moment, you know?’

‘Oh, I didn’t want to wake you when I came back. I just slept in the living room,’ Wylan answered.

‘You know that I would never mind being waken by you, doll. I love to see that pretty face, even if it is the middle of the night.’

Wylan almost laughed at that.

He could think of three separate occasions at the top of his head where he had woken Richard and he had been beaten for the accident, or the times Richard really hadn’t minded 'seeing his pretty face’ and had proceeded to fuck said pretty face. Not something Wylan really wanted after coming home from hours of work.

‘And you really were just here?’ Richard asked and his grip on Wylan started to tighten a bit, but his face remained nuzzled into Wylan’s hair. ‘You weren’t somewhere else? In someone else’s bed?’

Wylan’s breath quickened.
This was dangerous. Very dangerous. Richard was a jealous man. He needed to calm him down quickly, very quickly.

‘No! Really, I promise. I would never. I am yours. Only yours. Forever! I promise! Who would I even go with? I only have you! I promise. Who else do I know? I was just working. I promise!’

A few days after the wedding, he had made the mistake to call Richard ridiculous for thinking Wylan would cheat.
He had not been able to breathe without pain for two days after that. He had figured out very quickly how to convince Richard of his loyalty. With lots of begging and telling him that he was only his.
Richard was possessive.

But Richard didn’t relax again but stood up straight.

He suddenly pulled Wylan’s head back at the hair to look him in the eye.

Wylan suppressed a whine as he felt hairs ripping from his scalp. Richard's eyes were hard and seemed to bore through him mercilessly.

‘Is that right? Who do you belong to, boy?’

‘You. Only you, sir!’ Wylan could hear the desperation seeping through his voice.

His ability to convince Richard would determine how everything would go this morning and how pissed Richard would be tonight.

‘That is right. Good boy,” Richard said and let go of his hair. ‘Was that so hard?’

He patted Wylan’s head in praise and then sat down at the table.

Wylan just shook his head and went back to making coffee. He tried to relax a bit again but failed. His hands shook a bit.

He took a few deep breaths and tried to focus on the task at hand.

He put the coffee on the table next to the bread and got out a mug for himself and for Richard.
He poured his husband his coffee first and made sure that he had everything he could need before he sat down himself.

Richard smiled at him and started drinking.
Wylan tried to smile back and buried his face in his mug. The taste of the dark liquid made him grimace a bit.

I would like to have some sugar or milk to make it a bit sweeter, but Richard had expressed his dislike of the unnecessary use of such expensive things for such a simple thing as coffee.
And he had some really confusing opinions on how to enjoy the taste and roast of a coffee. He thought that people who sweetened their coffee didn’t actually like it and it should be drunken black.
Wylan didn’t agree, but he wouldn’t start an argument over such a small thing. It wasn’t the end of the world to just drink something gross.

‘What are you going to do today?’ Richard asked while cutting himself some bread.

It was confusing when he was like this. Wylan could easily predict his moods when he was angry or frustrated. But this friendliness when Richard was almost pleasant to be around was very unstable.
One wrong move and he could explode and it was almost impossible to see it coming.
Sometimes Wylan thought that he preferred it when his husband was just plain angry. Then he could know what he had to deal with.

‘I need to clean the bath?’ Wylan’s answer sounded more like a question.

Sometimes, when Richard asked him for his plans, he wanted to know if Wylan knew his duties and make sure he remembered them. Then it was very important to say the right things and show how useful he could be.
This was very similar to what his father sometimes used to do when he still talked to Wylan during dinner. Then he wanted to know what he learned that day and it had taken Wylan some time to understand that he didn’t actually want to know what he had been excited about that day, but how hard he had tried to read and write.
It had been exhausting. But at least he already knew how this worked.

‘Oh, yes. The window in there has gotten really dirty,’ Richard nodded. ‘And remember the laundry! And you’re going to work tonight, like always? I have some business I need to attend to. Will probably come back very late. No need to stay up and wait for me.’

He said it in a way that suggested that Wylan should be grateful for his consideration and a part of him actually was. When he came home, he wouldn’t have to be full of anxiety that Richard was there.

‘Thank you,’ he replied and forced himself to smile again. ‘That’s so sweet of you.’

Richard smiled back at him and nodded, obviously happy with himself.

‘You know, it is really a shame that I will be back so late. We hadn’t had a good long night together in forever, don’t you think?’

Wylan tensed at that. ‘In forever’ meant in this context a night ago, but maybe that didn’t count because it only had been a very brief quick fuck.
He had really hoped that they would both be too busy to do something more elaborate for a longer while. Maybe he could just say that he wasn’t feeling well? Maybe Richard would listen? Wylan, of course, knew that that was just wishful thinking.

He laughed nervously.

Sometimes he wondered if Richard actually thought he wanted this or if he just liked the feeling of power. Maybe even got off on it?
Either way, he needed to go along and play nice, then it wouldn’t be too bad. He had learned to deal with it.

Richard slowly stood up and came over to Wylan’s side of the table with a smile that Wylan had started to recognize as hungry, leering.

‘How about we make up for it right now? I don’t need to go out for a bit and it’s not like you have anything better to do, don’t you?’ He said and put one hand on Wylan’s shoulder.

He forgot how to breathe. He could feel tears start to prickle in his eyes.
Wylan forced himself to relax and take a deep breath.

This was a very easy choice. Richard’s good mood was too rare to just sacrifice it by resisting. And when Richard was in a good mood, it really wouldn’t be too bad.

It wouldn’t be of any use anyway.
Richard got what he wanted.
Wylan could cooperate or he could not and be fucked after being beaten or just held down. It all came to the same result.

He smiled up at Richard, even though he was sure that it probably looked forced and dead.

‘Sure,’ He just said and stood up.

He turned to walk in the direction of the bedroom.
But suddenly, there was a hand on the back of his neck that slammed him down on the table. Wylan yelped. He instinctively struggled against the grip, but stopped after a few seconds and just went limp under Richard’s hands.

‘Good. Very good, little doll. Just listen to what I tell you. Don’t think. That is no use anyway. Let’s spice it up a bit, what do you think? Ever been fucked like this before, little one? Of course you haven’t. Little innocent thing. Let me show you how good it can be. What do you think?’

Wylan tried to take deep breaths and relax. It would hurt more if he was tense. He just needed to let it happen.

‘What do you think?’ Richard repeated and his grip on Wylan’s neck tightened.
There was a sharp edge to his voice. If Wylan wasn’t careful, he would cut himself on it.

‘Yes, sir. Sounds good. Thank you,’ he replied.
Yes was always the right choice.

When he felt a hand creep under his shirt, he detached himself from his body. He let his mind wander to a place full of warmth and music. A safe place. Just as he always had done when his father yelled at him or punished him.
Here nothing could touch him.

-

Richard had left an hour ago and Wylan was cleaning the window in the bathroom.
His movements were slow, but that didn’t bother him. He could take his time. There was no rush.

Richard had been surprisingly nice after the rough start. He had even carried Wylan to the bathroom to clean him up a bit. It was so confusing when Richard was gentle like this. Like they were actually in love.

Sometimes Wylan hoped that one day this gentleness would just become the standard. Then this life could really be okay. At least definitely not worse than a life with his father.

He had showered, but it still felt as if Richard’s sweat still clung to him. He already knew this feeling and he knew that it wouldn’t go away easily. He would just live with it.

An amused huff escaped him. ‘Live with it’ seemed to start to be his life motto. And even with that, he would just have to live with it.
What would he do? Run away? To where? Without any real life experience, skills or resources. He couldn’t even read!

Wylan brushed his hair back.

He needed to stop thinking like this. It didn’t help. It just brought him closer to crying.

He started to hum a melodies and wished he had paper to write it down.
This was good. Music was good. It was his and it couldn’t be taken from him.
No matter what happened, he had music.
That was a nice thought. It distracted him. He started to imagine what the notes would look like on paper and how he would practice them.
And maybe play them for someone? His mother always liked to hear him play. Jesper had said that he would like to hear him play?

Wylan smiled and continued his work.

-

It was only sunset when Wylan woke from his short nap before work through the sound of the opening door.

He abruptly sat up and pushed the blanket of himself. Hadn’t Richard said that he wouldn’t be back until late? Had Wylan remembered wrong?

The steps that came from the hallway were heavy and slow.

Wylan got up, unsure about what to do. Had Richard said anything that he still needed? Had he forgotten to prepare something? Maybe Richard only wanted to get something?

‘Wylan,’ yelled Richard from the hall. He sounded angry. ‘Where the fuck is that little slut?’

Wylan’s breath quickened. Richard was drunk and angry and looking for him.
He took a step in the direction of the door but couldn’t quite bring himself to face his husband.

Before he could make a further decision, the door opened with enough force to slam into the wall beside it.

Wylan flinched back.

‘There you are! What were you thinking, hiding like that? Isn’t it your job to greet me when I come home? Mhh? And you can’t even manage that. Useless.’

Richard’s words weren’t slurred, but his movements were uncoordinated. This didn’t make him any less intimidating. Wylan took a step back.

‘I’m sorry, sir! Really… I… I didn’t know. I’m sorry,’ he stuttered and wanted to take another step back, but Richard gripped the collar of his shirt and yanked him to him.
Wylan could smell the whiskey in his breath.

‘When were you going to tell me about the mess you made yesterday? Mmh? Just thought I wouldn’t know? Scaring of customers? Defending a member of another gang? What the fuck were you thinking, you useless piece of shit?’

His voice got louder towards the end. With his last word, he threw Wylan on the ground.

He managed to catch himself on his elbows and tried to move back from the looming figure above him. A kick landed in his side before he was out of reach. He whimpered and started to curl up on himself.

What had he been thinking? Of course Richard would know about the incident and Jesper and of course he would be angry.

Before he could move any further, a grip in his hair dragged him up again.

‘You know, you are very lucky, little doll. If I had more time, we would have a really nice long chat about your behavior. I had really thought that your father raised you better than this. Seems like I need to reinforce his lessons, don’t you think?’ Richard’s voice was frighteningly calm.

Wylan started to feel tears well up again.

Every muscle inside of him screamed to get away as fast as possible, but he couldn’t move.

The grip in his hair was suddenly gone, but before he could move back, a slap whipped his head around and he fell back onto the floor. This time, he wasn’t dragged back up again.

‘But like I said, you are lucky. I have a very urgent mission to attend to. We will talk about this when I come back. For next few days, think about what you have done and what an appropriate punishment would be, you understand? When I come back, I want some good suggestions. Maybe think about what you could do to welcome me back, doll.’

A foot turned Wylan on his back and set down on his rip cage. He stopped to breathe. Richard looked down on him with a smile that made his skin crawl.

‘And if I hear that you didn’t go to work just because I wasn’t here or cause anything like that again, I will start to consider all the generous offers of that nice gentlemen that wanted to spend the night with you. You probably remember him. Do we understand each other, doll?’

‘Yes, sir,’ Wylan whispered and closed his eyes.

He just wanted it all to stop.

The pressure on his chest increased for a second as Richard put his weight on him, but then vanished.

A few moments later, the front door slammed shut and Wylan was alone again. His husband was gone for a few days. A few days of quiet.

Wylan curled up and started to cry.

Chapter Text

Jesper didn’t like Kaz's office.

First of all, it was a pain to get there.
The small and crooked staircases of the Slat were steep and seemed to be way longer than the Slat was actually high.

Secondly, the office was small and had a low ceiling. Jesper didn’t need to duck his head, but it was a near thing.
He definitely couldn’t wear his top hat here.

He didn’t understand why Kaz kept his office on the highest floor and not moved to the one that Per Haskell had used, which was way larger.

Normally they would meet in the Crow Club, but nobody had questioned it when Kaz called the meeting here.
The room always seemed to make him a bit claustrophobic, even though that was something Jesper normally had no problem with. He was overall more nervous there, but that was partly because up there, jobs were planned and he had started to associate the room with excitement.

Jesper sat on Kaz’ desk and swung his legs. Kaz had looked at him with displeasure at least a dozen times, but he couldn’t get himself to stop.

Inej sat on the windowsill while Kaz walked slowly up and down, his cane thumping on the wooden floor.
Nina sat comfortably in the armchair in the corner, which seemed to be the only comfortable furniture Kaz had and Jesper doubted that he had ever sat in it. Comfort and Kaz Brekker weren’t words you used in a sentence together.

Matthias had been supposed to be here too, but Nina had said something vague about other occupations and promised to tell him everything important.
Jesper envied Matthias.

As always, he couldn’t seem to focus.
The job was interesting enough, but not enough to keep his mind from wandering. While a part of him tried to listen, the other came back to his favorite topic lately: Wylan.

He hadn’t seen him since the incident at the bar four days ago.
Of course he hadn’t been able to get back into the den, but he had waited around the pub two nights in a row in the hope of catching Wylan when he went home. But he hadn’t had any luck.

Jesper started to believe that Wylan maybe actually lived in the club, but wasn’t that unlikely?
Married couples lived together in nice little flats, didn’t they? Like Nina and Matthias.
But maybe his husband ran the club and needed to stay close?

On a conscious level, Jesper knew that he overthought this and that this would not do anything, but he couldn’t help it.
He just wanted to know what Wylan’s life looked like, what he spent his day doing and what he liked to eat.

He shook his head and tried to focus again. He would later have more than enough time to think about Wylan’s freckles and tiny smile. Right now, this was more important.

Kaz had just mentioned something about guns and that was enough to draw Jesper’s attention.

He listened again and finally felt how excitement started to bubble up inside of him.
Oh, how he loved that feeling. The thrill of crime. It was actually a bit sad that most ordinary people never got to feel this. The voice inside his head remarked that most people weren’t as crazy as Jesper or Kaz and would want a life in crime.

Kaz came to a halt and looked around the room.

‘That would be almost everything. A pretty standard procedure. There aren’t any questions.’ The last part was phrased as a fact.
Jesper was sure that if anyone would ask questions, Kaz would throw them out.

Nina asked a question anyway.

‘Are we not forgetting something? You mentioned a “demolitionist” several times in your plan. Seemed to be pretty important. But if I remember correctly, and I always do, I healed the arm of a certain Raske at the place where his right hand should have been last week. A demo expert needs his hands. Have you found someone new already?’

If looks could kill Nina would be dead.
There were only a few people who wouldn’t start crying if Kaz looked at them like that, but Nina was maybe the only one who stared back with equal murder in her eyes.

‘No, I haven’t. But that problem should be easily solved. There are more demo-people in the Barrel than there are fish in the harbor. We will find someone.’ Kaz's voice was cold.
He didn’t seem to appreciate the questioning of his methods.

Jesper looked over at Inej. They both had been long enough in the Barrel to know that only very few of the many demolition experts actually deserved the title expert and even fewer were trustworthy enough to let in on such a job.

And also, Ketterdam’s harbor was so full of chemicals and other shit that only very few fish actually swam there.

Plus, they needed a new demo man overall. They weren’t just important for this job, but you needed demo experts all the time.
A little TNT never hurt, right?

Raske had never been an official member of the dregs, but he had been a partner and almost exclusively worked for them.
Without him, they had lost a very reliable and more or less loyal man. It would be hard to find someone like him.

What they actually needed was a member of the Dregs who knew their way around demo. That would be the best.

Suddenly, Jesper had an idea.
A very stupid and probably very dangerous idea. An idea that he didn’t even know could work. But he wouldn’t be Jesper Fahey if he didn’t follow that idea.

‘I know someone who could do that. Demo, I mean,’ he said, sitting up straighter.
Kaz turned to him and raised an eyebrow.

‘You know someone I don’t?’ He asked.

‘He isn’t officially in demo yet, but he is very good with chemistry. And I think he would learn very fast.’

‘And this someone is trustworthy and worth the effort to teach him things?’ Kaz seemed very skeptical.

‘Well, I think so. He might be, just a little bit, associated with the Razorgulls, but he’s not a member and isn’t really loyal to them.
You have to see the positive sides, Kaz. That would be someone who isn’t already bought by a gang or anything. He would only be working for us. And you don’t have to pay him as much as Raske. Because he is new and all.’

Jesper suddenly very much appreciated the lessons in rhetoric he had been forced to attend when he was still in university. It sometimes really helped to make good arguments. But he wasn’t sure if it was good enough for Kaz.

‘You want me to hire a rookie who already has connections to another gang and I don’t know anything about?’ Kaz's eyebrow was soon going to touch his hairline if he raised it any higher.

‘Yes? I think he could use an opportunity. I think he could be really good.
And if it doesn’t work out, you can drop him again. You said yourself this job is small and if something would go wrong, it wouldn’t be a big loss. Think about it that way, if he isn’t reliable, you will find out and we can improvise and everything will work out. If he is good, we got ourselves a new demo man.
We can’t lose in this, right?
Plus, if he is loyal to us, he could become a member and then we would have an actual dregs demo man.’

Kaz looked at him for a few long moments.
It felt like we looked straight into Jesper’s thoughts and innermost secrets. It was not something he liked to experience.

‘Give me the name of this demo man and I will have a look at it,’ Kaz finally said with a sigh and turned around.

‘Really?’ Jesper exclaimed and sat up. ‘I mean, yes. That sounds good.’

He wanted to bounce up and down. He might get to work with Wylan! That would be awesome. He hadn’t thought that Kaz would actually consider it. Normally, he wasn’t really open to Jesper’s ideas.

‘Oh, yes. His name is Wylan. He works at the Golden Seagull,’ he said.

Kaz looked over at Inej, who nodded and then looked over at Jesper with a questioning look in her eyes.
She probably had already connected all the information and knew that Wylan was the crush he had told her about. He wasn’t sure if she was questioning if this was a good idea or if he was okay with her looking into Wylan’s life and finding stuff out about him. Anyway, he nodded to her.

‘Well, that is just wonderful,’ Nina interrupted and stood up.
‘I guess we will see each other in the next few days when we prep everything. I hope you’re successful with that Wylan fellow. I now have to go. I’m a very busy woman, you know. Can’t just do crime the whole day.’

Inej smiled as Nina left the room.

Kaz nodded to them and walked through the door after her.
Jesper was pretty sure that he wouldn’t have left if Inej hadn’t been there. He trusted her with all his important documents and Jesper not so much.

Inej hopped down from the windowsill and Jesper also stood up.

‘You’re sure about this?’ She asked with real concern in her voice.

‘Honestly? I have no fucking idea. I don’t even know if Wylan would even want to do shit like this. Maybe he is just happy with being a bartender and being married and all. What do I even know about his life?’

‘So I was right in assuming that this is the certain someone you told me about? And since when is he married? Or a demo man?’

‘I found out last time we met. He is married to a gang member. But he is not part of the gang himself. And I’m really sure that he isn’t loyal to them. And I think that he isn’t really happy with his job either. He seems so stressed.
Oh, and the demo thing. He saved a drunk woman from acid with some crazy chemistry stunt and was like, super competent.
I just think that demo work would probably be much nicer for him, with fewer people and all that. He is a good bartender, but he is so tired and the people there don’t really seem to care about him.
But of course I can’t decide for him or anything. I would just like him to have an option. And it’s okay if he says no, but…’ He trailed off, realizing that he had started to ramble.

Inej smiled at him.

‘I understand. You will be okay? With him being married and all of that? You still sound like you care a lot about him. I don’t want you to get hurt because he is working on the same team as you,’ she said. ‘And i promise just to gather the necessary information and stay out of his personal life.’

‘Thank you. I really appreciate that,’ he answered and smiled back. ‘I will be okay.’

She padded him on the shoulder and then looked to the window.
‘I should get going. I have to sort out a lot of things for this job. I need to get started.’

‘Are you going to be okay?’ He asked back. ‘It sounds like you’re taking on a lot of things. Should I help with any of it? You shouldn’t overwork yourself. And I know, you don’t need much sleep and all that. But you still need breaks.’

‘Awww, are you starting to mother me? Would be nice not to be the only one in this group that forces the others to take breaks. Are we going to be the mother hen team? Kaz is going to hate us.’

They both laughed.

‘But seriously, I’m fine. I take care of myself, I promise.’

Jesper smiled and nodded. ‘That is good. I will try to do the same. But I don’t want to hold you here any longer. I’m sure you’re a very busy woman too and I also have shit to do.’

Inej nodded and walked over to the open window.

‘Bye, take care.’ Then she disappeared into Ketterdam’s smoke.

-

A day later, Kaz told him that he was okay with the idea, that he would hire Wylan if he was willing.

Jesper, of course, could hardly contain his excitement.
But his excitement was soon mixed with nervousness when Kaz told him that he would be the one recruiting Wylan.
It, of course, made sense because he was the only one who actually knew Wylan, but he still had hoped that Nina would do it.

Inej supplied him with the times Wylan usually came to the club or left it, so Jesper would be able to meet him.

And now he stood in front of the Golden Seagull a few hours before sunrise and felt like a stalker.

Wylan really worked the whole night.
He waited for probably an hour before a familiar figure left through the back door of the gambeling den. Jesper began to smile.
He had missed Wylan.

Wylan had a bag slung over his shoulder.
When he turned around, Jesper could see his face in the light of the only lantern in this alley. He seemed tired, but not as exhausted or worn down as the last time he had seen him. That was good.

Jesper stepped out of the shadows and cleared his throat. Wylan startled and looked around in alert.

‘Hey, it’s just me. Jesper,’ he said and waved awkwardly.

Wylan visibly relaxed and turned around to him.

‘Hey, haven’t seen you in a while. What are you doing here? At this hour?’

‘Oh, honestly, I was kind of looking for you. Has gotten a bit harder since I can’t really go into the club anymore. I had hoped that I would be able to catch you here. Hope that isn’t too creepy,’ he answered with a smile.

‘Oh no, it’s okay. And why were you looking for me?’ Wylan suddenly seemed a little wary.

‘Maybe I just wanted to see that cute face of yours again?’ He laughed a little, but Wylan didn’t really relax. ‘No, I actually have an offer for you. No pressure. It is really just an offer and you have every right to refuse.’

Wylan raised an eyebrow, encouraging him to go on.

‘Well, you know that I am a member of the Dregs. And we are planning a small job, nothing dangerous or really dramatic. And we need a demo man because our usual guy just lost his hand. And I suggested you and Kaz, Kaz Brekker, said that I could ask you.’

Wylan stared at him with disbelief. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times.
‘Is this a joke?’ He finally asked and rubbed his eyes.

‘No no. I just saw what you did with the chemicals and thought you have so much awesome knowledge that you could probably build some bombs if you wanted to.
You really seem like this work is way too exhausting for you and I just wanted to ask if you would rather do this work. Kaz would, of course, pay you and it is not like a lot but a decent amount of money.
I, of course, don’t know what your husband would think of that, but that is yours to decide. And it’s really just an offer.’

Wylan again just stared at him.

After a few seconds, he began to speak. ‘You want me to be a demolitionist based on that one time you saw me doing something with chemicals? And Dirtyhands said yes? You know that his club is owed by the Razorgulls? You know that my husband is a Razorgull?’

‘Well, yes. Kind of. But I think it could work. Hopefully.’ Jesper smiled, unsure.

He hadn’t really thought about what he wanted to say. He probably should have some more good explanations and arguments. Well, it would just have to work out this way.

‘Wow. You are actually serious,’ Wylan said. He hadn’t stopped staring at him. ‘Are you insane?’

Then he blinked as if he just realized what he said.
‘Oh, sorry. I… I didn’t really mean it that way. Sorry,’ he mumbled. ‘I am just very surprised.’

‘Hey, no worry. I didn’t see it as an insult. And you’re right. I’m totally insane. And so is Kaz.
This is not a very safe idea, but that’s not how the Barrel works, isn’t it? Nothing here is really save. and Kaz didn’t become the boss he is today if he only followed the safe ideas.
I think that’s why he agreed. Sometimes you just have to try things out. And risk that you will sell us out or manipulate everything. Not that I think that you would ever do that! But there is always the possibility, right? Anyway, I trust you.’

‘Oh, yes. That makes sense,’ Wylan replied und blushed a little. ‘But… I’m not really sure if this could work. I’m not a demo man. I know my way around chemicals and yes, I could probably make explosives, but I don’t actually know how this kind of stuff works.
It’s all just theory. Even that stuff I did a couple nights back was just a theory until I tried it out.’

‘And it worked!’ Jesper exclaimed and grinned.
‘That’s why I think this could work. Kaz said the same thing. Most demo people here just learned that stuff by watching what other people did. They don’t know why things go Boom. They just know they do.
And you know the reasons, so you could probably make really specific things with the right supplies and some experience. That would be so helpful!’

‘Well, I think. Maybe. Jesper, I don’t know. I don’t want to be caught up in the gangs of the Barrel. I never wanted that.’ Wylan looked away and started fidgeting with the strap of his bag.

‘You wouldn’t have to be a part of the actual job. You would get a list of things we need, a place to work and supplies. You make the stuff, give it to us and get paid. That’s all. You don’t even have to be a member or anything.
You can be a neutral outsider if that’s what you want. And nobody would even have to know’, Jesper said.

He really hoped Wylan would say yes.

‘Well, I don’t know. It’s still going to hurt people, isn’t it? People get killed on jobs like that. I don’t want to be part of that.’

Jesper had forgotten that for most people, death and killing weren’t something normal or expected.
Most people went their whole lives without seeing a single murdered person. That just wasn’t really possible in the Barrel.
He hadn’t thought about how Wylan would think about the lives of people he didn’t know and would never know. That was good. All people should be like that. It would make the Barrel, the world a better place. The world needed more Wylans.

‘Oh, that makes sense,’ he replied. ‘If it helps, I’m pretty sure that this job won’t evolve hurting people with explosives. He just needs to open a few things and make distractions. No killing.’

Wylan smiled a little. It made Jesper's heart jump.

‘Thank you. That is good. I… I still don’t know. I could use the money, to be honest. And… and I really like chemistry. But I don’t know.’ Wylan seemed a bit embarrassed.

‘Oh, I understand. But why do you need money? You have your job here and all that,’ Jesper asked. Then he realized that that had been pretty rude. ‘Oh, sorry. It’s none of my business. Your money is yours.’

‘Oh, no. It’s okay. It’s just a bit complicated. My husband manages the money and he is gone right now, so I don’t… Well, you know. All a bit complicated.’

‘Oh, well. That is a problem. I hope you’re okay and all that.’

Wylan nodded and shrugged.

‘Well, take your time if you need it. I could come back tomorrow and you can give me an answer then?’ Jesper said.
He really didn’t want to pressure Wylan.

‘Oh, thank you.’ Wylan smiled again, just a little bit. ‘But I think I know what I would answer. I would just go home and think the whole time about it and would go crazy and then I would be even more unsure tomorrow and would say no and would regret that for the next few weeks.’
He laughed.

Jesper grinned, a bit confused.
‘Sooo, the answer is yes?’

‘Well, yes. Kind of. But just for this one job. I won’t just do everything Dirtyhands wants of me and do any job.
I get to pick what I do. Is that acceptable?’
He stood up straight in an obvious attempt to look a bit more confident, but his face showed his doubt. He wasn’t sure if this was okay or if Jesper would agree.

But Jesper didn’t really pay attention to that. All he could think of was the bubbling excitement in his stomach. He and Wylan would work together! One a job!

‘That sounds wonderful! I’m pretty sure that is what Kaz expected anyway. That is the way Raske, the demo man we had before, worked too. He only did the stuff he wanted to. Kaz wouldn’t force you or anything.’

Wylan looked doubtful for a moment but then smiled back at Jesper’s excitement.

‘Oh, this is going to be awesome.
I’m pretty sure Kaz is going to give you a cool workshop and everything.
And I can help you if you want. Even though I’m not really good with things were I need to be patient. Maybe I really shouldn’t help you. I probably make the wrong things explode that the wrong time. But it’s still going to be so cool. You can show me alle the cool stuff you can do with chemicals. You’re probably an awesome teacher.
Oh, and you can meet Inej and the others. I think Inej is really going to like you. Strong morals and all that. She likes that. And we can go eat waffles with Nina!
And I will tell you how the job went and everything. And maybe you can work with us more often after that,’ Jesper began to ramble and nearly started to bounce up and down.

Wylan just watched him and smiled.
He still seemed tired and didn’t mirror Jesper’s excitement, but he looked better than at the beginning of the conversation. Jesper hoped he was excited too.

‘Oh, sorry. I’m talking too much. But thank you so much. You have no idea how much this helps,’ he said, scratching the back of his neck. ‘Do you want me to bring you home?’

'No, no, that’s okay. Really. I only need to walk a couple minutes,’ Wylan answered.

‘Oh, okay. If you say so. Do you work at the club every day? Because you should probably meet the others so Kaz can explain the details of what he needs. And then we can show you where you can work.’

‘Sure, normally I work every day, but I can make something free for you,’ Wylan said and looked over at the door of the gambling den. He seemed nervous.

‘Good good. How about I pick you up tomorrow and take you to the Crow club,’ Jesper said with a grin.
This was going so much better than he had expected.

‘Oh, it’s no trouble. I just come to the Crow club. I know where it is. No need to walk through half the Barrel to get me, really. When should I be there?’

‘Are you sure? It’s no trouble for me,’ Jesper was unsure.

Did Wylan just not like it when people walked around for him or did not want Jesper to know where he lived?
That was fair. After all, Jesper started showing up at his workplace after he found that out. Maybe he really was too much of a stalker.

‘No, I’m sure. I promise,’ Wylan answered.
He didn’t seem to find Jesper creepy. Or at least that was what Jesper hoped.

‘Okay, then maybe you could come in the early evening? At eight bells? It's not very full that early, so you won’t be bothered by drunk people and stuff. If you would like?’

‘That sounds good,’ Wylan replied and smiled a little.

Jesper grinned back. He had a feeling that this was going to be really good.
And with Wylan, how couldn’t it?

Chapter Text

Jesper couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy when he walked down the narrow stairs of the Crow Club, a bit like a boy before his first date. Even though this was really far from a date.
But what was this actually? A business meeting? An introduction? An interview?
He didn’t really know.
What he did know is that Wylan was coming to join their team, even if it was just for this one job.

Well, at least he really hoped this would work out.
Kaz could still take one look at him and just decide that he didn’t like Wylan or that he just wasn’t fit for the job.
But that surely wouldn’t happen, right?
Kaz had said that Jesper could recruit Wylan; that meant that Wylan would get the job?

He shook his head.
In the end, it would come down to what Kaz thought one way or another, like it always did. There was no use questioning everything.

He jumped the last few steps down and opened the door to the public part of the club.

It was too early to be busy.
Only at one table played some workers a dice game and a few people sat at the bar.
It was strangely quiet and you could hear music from outside and the laughter of the first few tourists that had found their way into the Barrel. They would soon flood the club.

Jesper didn’t walk to the large front door but disappeared into the back rooms behind the bar and used the smaller door there.

It would probably be in their interest to be seen by as few people as possible or there would be a high risk of someone recognizing Wylan and then talking about how they had seen a Razorgull bartender walk into the Crow club with a Dregs.
Wylan was already risking enough by working with them. Jesper wouldn’t allow for this risk to be heightened unnecessarily.

He walked out onto the street and looked around.
It was dim in this back alley and really didn’t smell too good. Wylan would probably be waiting at the front.

So he started to walk around the building, looking around for the copper hair somewhere.
He was thankful that the tourist crowd was only just forming and he could still see everyone on the street.

A few steps further, he almost bumped into Wylan.
He stood at the corner of the club in the shadow, his bag clutched in his hands. He had obviously been watching the front door. Of course Wylan had also noticed that it would be best not to be seen.

Jesper stumbled a bit and then laughed.

Wylan startled and turned around to him, his bag raised in front of him.
After a second of panic, recognition formed on his face.

‘Hey there,’ Jesper said and laughed again. ‘Almost ran you over there. Sorry.’

‘Oh, sorry, He shouldn’t have been lurking in the shadows like that. I thought you would be coming from the other side,’ he answered and looked to the floor.

Wylan looked very different outside the light of the bar.
A bit paler and his freckles weren’t as noticeable but also less exhausted. He also wore a coat and vest instead of just the shirt like he did at work. It suited him.
Jesper caught himself smiling while looking Wylan over.

‘Yeah, sorry. I thought it would be in our best interest not to be noticed by too many people. You know, because of the whole Dregs and Razorgulls are rivals thing. Even if you’re not really a member. We want to avoid trouble.’ Jesper laughed a bit again.

‘Oh, yes. That’s why I was standing in the shadow. I thought it would look weird if I stood right in front of the door. I don’t want to be accused of selling information to you or something similar.’

They started walking back around the club to the back door and Wylan continued.
‘I... Brekker is not going to want that from me, right? Selling information? I don’t know much, I’m not a member. And I don’t want trouble at the gambling den or with my husband, for that matter. So Brekker really just wants bombs or other chemicals?’

He began fiddling with his bag as they rounded the corner into the alley that hadn’t gotten any prettier in the last two minutes.

‘Yes, and like I promised, you can choose if you want to do a job or not. No one will force you to do anything. If he asks something of you that you don’t like, you can just walk out and never hear from us again.
Kaz is big on the whole ‘you need to choose to work for me’ thing. Says that it is better for loyalty and moral. He’s probably right.
Plus, Inej would probably kill him if he tried to force anybody,’ Jesper said and held the door open for Wylan, who smiled and entered the club.

‘That’s good to hear,’ he answered, but sounded a little bit unsure.

He looked back at Jesper, who gave him a small encouraging nod.
He was more or less sure that his would work out just fine.
Kaz could be very cold and intimidating at times, but he would give Wylan a fair chance.

He just hoped that Wylan would give this a real chance as well.
But he couldn’t really blame him if he heard the extent of the job and decided that this kind of work was nothing for him. Crime was really a field someone entered willingly.

Jesper gestured in the direction of the stairs, let them through the narrow corridor and back up in the direction of Kaz’s office.
They climbed the many steps in silence, too out of breath for clever conversation.

Sometimes Jesper was convinced that Kaz only had his office this high up to prove to everyone that even with a cane he would still be faster going up and down than any of them. The exception was maybe Inej.
If that were true, Jesper would hate him for the rest of his life. These stairs could qualify as a torture device.

When they finally arrived, Jesper looked over his shoulder and smiled at Wylan, who looked more nervous with every second.
Well, who wouldn’t before a job interview with Dirtyhands himself.

He knocked on the door, waited a moment and pushed it open.

Jesper had always wondered why Kaz needed two offices, one in the club and one in the Slat. And both of them were so high up.
It seemed so impractical with different documents at the different offices.
He needed to ask Inej how often Kaz sent her just to get something from the other place because he forgot it.
But Kaz forgetting something? He probably had a wonderful foolproof system in place that only he understood. It was either that or he had two copies of literally everything.

Speaking of Kaz, he sat at his table as usual and looked up from his financial records when they entered the room.
He of course didn’t show any emotion, but Jesper was pretty sure that he was in a better mood than usual given the fact that he didn’t have more creases on his forehead than Inej had knives.

Kaz raised an eyebrow.

‘Sooo, this is Wylan!’ Jesper grinned and took a step to the side to reveal the figure behind him.

Kaz expression didn’t change.

Wylan awkwardly lifted a hand as a greeting but didn’t dare to look Kaz straight in the eyes.

‘Mr. Brekker? Hello, I’m Wylan. Jesper... he told me that you have a job for me?’ His voice got quieter at the end and he started to fidget with his bag again.

‘Yes,’ Kaz answered without taking his eyes off Wylan. ‘Come in and sit down. Both of you.’

They obeyed and Jesper closed the door behind them.

He sat down beside Wylan, who looked like he would jump out of his chair any minute.
He wanted to pat him on the back and tell him that everything would be okay.
Maybe he needed to have a chat with Kaz about his intimidation act at first meetings. This was really starting to be counterproductive if you wanted to have a normal conversation.

Kaz put away his documents and folded his hands in front of him on the desk. He looked at Wylan.
Wylan looked like he wanted to disappear.

‘So you’re the demo boy?’

Jesper wanted to hit him. Could he be any more intimidating?

‘I...I, I mean, yes, Sir. I know chemistry if that’s what you mean,’ Wylan answered and stared at his hands.

Kaz remained silent for a moment and Wylan started shifting on his chair. He hunched his shoulders even more.

‘Well, I said that I would trust Jesper with this.’ Kaz finally broke the silence. ‘No use questioning you now. So let's get to business.’

Wylan seemed to relax a little bit and lifted his head.

‘Do you know how to make smoke bombs? And minor explosives? I don’t need the best of the best. I need something that will work when I need it to and that won’t cost me an arm and a leg. Simple enough, ain’t it? Do you think you can manage that?’

Wylan’s hands still trembled, but he slowly nodded after considering for a moment. Jesper couldn’t help but smile.

‘Yes, yes. I think so. With the right supplies and a safe workspace, of course. But... but if you have that, I can do both of that for you. I just need a day or two,’ he said.
He unclenched his hands from where they were holding his bag and seemed to breathe out.

Kaz nodded. ‘Only two days?’

Wylan shrugged and looked unsure. ‘It depends on how much you need of everything. I can do it faster if you need me to. I think so, at least. Just tell me the deadline and I make it work. Somehow.’

‘There is no need to rush this. You will get a workshop and everything else you need for the time you work for us. If you fail to make something that works, then you won’t be paid and we will just not work again together. Understood?’

‘Yes, sir,’ Wylan answered and looked at Jesper for a split second. ‘I just... I would like to know what will happen with those explosives. Jesper already said that it would just be for distractions and similar stuff. I don’t want people to get killed because of me.
I... I’m not like that.’

Kaz raised an eyebrow again. ‘Not like what? Like us?’

Wylan’s eyes widened. ‘No, no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t want to become a part of this world. But I wouldn’t judge you, of course. Everyone lives their own life. And I just need money, nothing else. I... I don’t want to be criminal. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Well… Sorry, sorry. I… sorry’

His hands twisted in the fabric of his bag again and he lowered his head even more.

‘It’s okay. No worries,’ Jesper said, but was shut up by a glare from Kaz.

‘Your bombs will keep my people from dying. That is what is important. Because of you, they will survive.
But if it lets you sleep better at night, I don’t plan on using these explosives directly against people. At least not this time. Is that enough for you?’

Kaz seemed to show an unusual amount of consideration.
Jesper was pretty sure that he would normally have dismissed such worries. Even though he still didn’t show emotion, he was really nice today.
Jesper wanted to see this as a way of Kaz caring about him. He really tried to value Jesper’s suggestion.

Wylan hesitated a moment but then nodded.
Kaz also gave a curt nod and stood up.
Wylan stood up as well, so Jesper followed.

Wylan still was very tense, but it was not as bad as when they first entered the room. Jesper counted this as a win.
Maybe if they worked on a few more jobs together, Wylan would learn to relax around Kaz.

Kaz extended a hand in Wylan’s direction, who glanced confused at it but then shook it.

‘Jesper will show you your new workspace,’ Kaz said and looked over at him. ‘Take him to the shop three roads from the Slat. You know the one. I made sure that it is usable.’

‘Oh yeah. The one with the big window in the roof? I can find that. I think,’ Jesper answered with a grin.
He hadn’t been there in ages, but he was fairly confident he still knew the way.

Kaz nodded. He reached for a piece of paper from his desk and gave it to Wylan, who looked at it confused for a second.

‘An exact list of what I need. Should be ready in a couple days. At latest at the end of the week.’

Wylan nodded again, folded the paper and put it in his bag. He didn’t even glance at it.

‘Yes, sir. Pleasure doing business with you, Sir,’ he said.
It sounded weirdly formal. Like he learned it, especially for this situation. Maybe he had. Maybe he had been practicing this conversation?It seemed like something Wylan would do.
Jesper smiled at the thought.

He gestured to the door.
Kaz wouldn’t want them to bother him any more than necessary and Jesper wanted to see Wylan’s reaction to his new workshop.
Plus, who would say no to some quality time with Wylan?

He smiled and waved at Kaz and then opened the door for Wylan.

‘Byeee. Good talk. See ya,’ he said with a grin.

Kaz just rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the papers on the desk.

Jesper and follow Wylan down the stairs. He wanted to start talking right away, but the stairs were too narrow to walk next to each other, so he waited till they reached the bottom.

‘Hey, you did great,’ he said with a smile. ‘Congratulations on getting the job. I hope it wasn’t too scary.
I know Kaz can sometimes be very intimidating when you first meet him, but he isn’t that bad, really. Just a bit cold sometimes. But you don’t need to be scared of him now.
You’re part of the team! This is so fucking great!’

It costed him all his self control not to start jumping up and down with excitement.
It had actually worked!
He should maybe thank Kaz later. And Inej! She had probably talked to Kaz to convince him that this was a good idea.

Wylan smiled a little. ‘Yes, I’m glad too. I hope I didn’t make him too angry? I wasn’t exactly polite.’

‘What? No! You were great. Really! And you would have noticed if he had minded. This whole angry, cold face thing is really just what he always looks like. No need to worry.’ Jesper laughed and resisted the urge to ruffle through Wylan’s hair.

Hopefully Kaz hadn’t scared him too bad. Jesper sometimes forgot how cruel and cold Kaz seemed to others. After their years of friendship, it was hard to see him as anything but a weirdo with too much luck.

‘If you say so,’ Wylan answered and seemed more than a little unsure. ‘We should probably go and find this workshop. I should get started.’

Jesper nodded and started leading the way out of the club.

‘I’m pretty sure you don’t need to stress with the time. Kaz said a couple days, right? Well, but I don’t really know how long it takes to make bombs.
Could you actually make them in just a day?’

Wylan hesitated a moment before he answered.
‘Yes, probably. If I had everything I needed. The problem is more the quantity. It won’t take me long to design a simple bomb, but to make ten of them is a bit more time consuming. You have to be very exact and careful.
There is a reason why so many of your valued demo people leave the job with a couple fingers and eyebrows less.’

Jesper laughed at that. ‘You’re the expert here. Please try not to lose your eyebrows. I’m sure Kaz wouldn’t ask something impossible of you.’

‘I hope so,’ Wylan said.

Jesper opened the back door of the club and stood nearly nose to nose with Inej.
She had her hand outstretched to reach for the door handle. Jesper grinned at her.

‘Perfect. Wylan, you can start meeting the team right now!
This is Inej. The only person who even remotely knows what is going on in Kaz Brekker’s head.
Inej, this is Wylan. Our new demo man,’ Jesper said and took a step to the side so the others could see each other.

Inej smiled and raised a hand in greeting.
‘Nice to meet you. Good to have you on the team. I heard a lot about you.’

Jesper blushed. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. I mentioned him like twice.’

Wylan glanced at Jesper with a slightly raised eyebrow.
Then he smiled back at Inej.
‘The pleasure is all mine.’

His voice was a bit stiffer than usual, similar to the way it had sounded when he talked to Kaz.
Maybe Jesper had miscalculated how nervous Wylan had really been. Maybe he actually learned these things to make a good impression. That would be actually kind of cute.

‘I’m guessing you’re going to the workshop?
I’ve just brought the last few chemicals there, so you should be stocked up with everything you need. If you’re still missing something, we will send someone to get it for you,’ she said.
‘I need to see Kaz now. Things need to be discussed.’

‘Yeah, have fun. And thank you,’ Jesper said and Wylan nodded and also murmured a thank you.

Inej brushed past them with an encouraging nod to Wylan and had disappeared through the corridor just moments later.

Jesper and Wylan looked after her for a second before they started walking.
He purposefully chose a route that would keep them away from the bigger streets so they would be seen by fewer people.

‘So that was Inej. I hope I can introduce you to Nina and Matthias later.
I think you will like Nina. She is very loud and a lot overall, but so nice! And she doesn’t talk as much as I do.
Kaz would probably go crazy if he had two of me around the whole time.
Well, Matthias talks like never, so he kind of balances me out. He and Nina are a good team. Oh, and they are a couple, but you will notice that when you meet them. It is really hard to miss. They are total love birds,’ Jesper began to ramble.

He didn’t really know what he actually wanted to say, but he didn’t want to walk in silence.
And it would be so nice to have Wylan in their little group.

‘Oh, that sounds really nice. And don’t worry, you don’t talk too much,’ Wylan said and blushed a little.
Jesper’s heart skipped a beat.
Did Wylan really mean that? But he always talked too much. He even annoyed himself sometimes.

‘And Inej and Nina and the others, they all are your friends?’ Wylan asked as they rounded a corner.

‘I think so, yes. I’m pretty sure Kaz and I are friends too, but it's sometimes a bit hard to see. You noticed that he isn’t really big with emotions. And Inej is like a sister to me.
They are kind of my family, I guess.’

Wylan smiled and his hands, for the first time this evening, left his bag.

‘That sounds so nice. I imagine it is hard to also work with the people who are like your family. I never understood how family businesses actually worked. Most families I know fight way too much for that,’ he answered.

‘Oh, you should see Kaz and Nina sometimes. It is a miracle that they haven’t killed each other yet. But they still work together and even though neither would admit it, I am pretty sure that they actually really like each other.’ Jesper laughed and Wylan smiled a little too.

‘But isn’t it similar with your husband?’ He asked.
He still wasn’t sure what to make of the fact that Wylan was married. It didn’t fit in the picture. But that wasn’t his business.
‘I mean, he probably is often at the gambling den? Or does he work with other things? Oh wait, sorry. I don’t mean to pry information out of you or anything. I’m just curious.’

‘Oh, I think our dynamic is very different than yours. It’s overall very different.
And we are obviously just two people, not a whole family,’ Wylan said and ducked his head again.

Jesper nodded.
‘Well, I don’t know about being married and all that. The Barrel is usually not really a place where people get married and build a nice and stable life, right? I’m happy that you found someone,’ he said.

The last part was true. He really was happy for Wylan.
He deserved a nice life and a nice partner and maybe Jesper couldn’t be that but that was okay. He thought so at least?
He wouldn’t let his crush ruin their friendship. It would pass over time and then maybe Wylan having a husband would be less weird to him.

Wylan smiled a little bit, but it didn’t really reach his eyes.

They walked in silence for a few meters, but Jesper didn’t manage long to say nothing.

‘I hope the workshop is not too far away for you. It is quite the walk.’

‘Oh, no worries,’ Wylan replied and shrugged a bit. ‘I like to walk. Gives you time to think about things, you know? And I think I don’t need to cross through too many territories from other gangs. I probably won’t get jumped.’

‘Oh, you’re under Kaz protection now. You won’t have to worry about the other gangs. Even if they don’t know that you’re working for the Dregs. If they try something, Kaz will take care of it.
He does that with everyone that works for him. Especially when they work in his territory,’ Jesper said and grinned.
‘He can be a little protective over his people.’

Wylan looked at him surprised.
‘Oh, I thought stuff like that only applied to actual members. Well, thank you. I will make it worth it. I promise.’

‘Oh, I’m not worried about that. You will do great. And Kaz wouldn’t have hired you if he didn’t believe that too,’ Jesper answered.
‘We are here.’

They stopped in front of a small warehouse.
It was very inconspicuous and most people wouldn’t even have noticed it.
As far as Jesper knew, it had been part of a big blacksmith business that had disappeared years ago and Kaz had bought that warehouse because it was so close to the Slat.
It wasn’t the workshop that Raske had used. He had always said that it was too small and he couldn’t fit all his stuff here.

Jesper got out the key and fumbled with the old lock on the door for a second.
Then he pushed the door open. He gestured Wylan inside and then followed him.

Two steps lead up into the workshop.
The ceiling was high and full of ash and soot.
There were still a few ropes and hooks installed that probably had been used to transport the metal that had been stored here. Not really anything else remained from the blacksmith business.
On the walls were many shelves stuffed full with bottles and packets and other stuff that Jesper could just assume were also for chemistry.
In the middle of the small room stood a table on which lay a packet. This one wasn’t as dusty as the other things around here, so Jesper assumed this was the stuff Inej had been talking about.

Wylan had walked up to the table and slowly turned, taking in his surroundings.

‘And?’ Jesper asked. ‘What do you think? Can you work here?’

Wylan took another look around and began to nod.
‘Yes, this is great actually. It looks like everything I could need is here. This is actually really nice. Thank you.’
This time his smile was real. He genuinely seemed excited.

‘Great! I’m glad! And don’t rush yourself with making everything. We have a bit of time. And please be careful. Like I said, I don’t want you to lose fingers or blow your own face off. It’s way too pretty for that.’

Wylan blushed and turned away.
‘I promise. I will be careful. I will work in small portions first to test everything. That should hopefully be pretty risk free. And then I make what you need. Shouldn’t be too hard, I hope.’

‘I’m sure you will do fabulously. Do you have the list with the things Kaz needs. Have you already looked at it? If there is anything on there where you already know that you will need more stuff or time, I can talk to Kaz,’ Jesper said.

Wylan ducked his head and pulled out the piece of paper Kaz had given him.
He fingered the edges for a moment before unfolding it. He didn’t look at it, but his gaze flickered out to Jesper.

The silence began to stretch and Jesper desperately wanted to end this awkward pause.

Wylan folded to paper again and Jesper followed his movement with his eyes.
He could see that Wylan’s hands trembled a bit.

‘I... I know it is stupid,’ Wylan began and his voice was barely audible.
‘But... but could you maybe read it to me? Please? I know it is stupid. But I promise I can make the bombs! I promise! It’s just... I don’t know. Sorry.
Could you please read it to me?’

He extended the hand that held the paper and looked on the floor.
His fingers trembled.

Jesper hesitated for a moment.
Not because he didn’t want to read the paper but because he was just a bit confused. So Wylan couldn’t read? That was no big deal. Maybe he was just embarrassed because of it?

Then he reached out and took the paper. Wylan flinched a little at his movement.

‘Of course,’ Jesper said and smiled reassuringly. At least he hoped it was reassuring.
‘And it’s not stupid, don’t worry. You don’t have to apologize.’

Wylan still didn’t look up. Jesper cleared his throat and unfolded the paper.

‘Eight smoke bombs, should be possible to use them in closed spaces. Five small explosives. Two phosphorus bombs, medium.
And then there is, acid that goes through iron if possible. If I understand the last one correctly, then that one is just optional if you have enough time.’

Wylan relaxed his shoulders a bit and nodded. He slowly looked up from the floor.

‘I can make all of that. I think it shouldn’t be a problem. The ingredients are pretty basic. Thank you,’ he said and tried to smile.

‘Great! I’m happy. I’m excited to see what you will be making,' Jesper answered and grinned.
‘I will just give you the key, okay? Then you can come and go however you like. It’s your workshop after all.
Is it okay if I maybe, I don’t know, come and visit? You could show me how you do things?’

Now it was Jesper’s turn to be nervous.
Hopefully he wasn’t too intrusive. It just would be nice to see Wylan every now and then.

Wylan actually smiled a little at that.
‘That sounds good. Thank you. I would appreciate the company. It’s nice to talk to someone. It’s … it’s nice to talk to you’

Jesper couldn’t help but blush and started nodding enthusiastically.

This was turning out so much better than he could ever have hoped.

Chapter Text

Jesper whistled while strolling along one the smaller streets of the Barrel.
The strap of his bag dug into his shoulder and made walking a bit uncomfortable. But you could expect that from a bag full of ammunition. Kaz had send him to stock up for the new job.

It was late noon and Jesper really started to feel hungry. He had skipped breakfast today and now his stomach was starting to complain.
He should probably eat something soon. Nina always told him that he was unbearable when he was hungry or hangry, how she liked to call it.
Maybe we could find something deep fried? Or a good omelette? Both? Deep fried omelette? All of the above?

The Slat appeared at the end of the nearly completely deserted street.
From the looks of it, not much was going on there. There wasn’t even music playing. Many of the Dregs probably still slept.

Jesper stopped in the middle of the road. He just had an idea.

He didn’t really have any plans, so he could just swing by Wylan’s workshop and check if he was there.
Well, he probably wouldn’t be. Wylan had probably worked in the club yesterday and slept now. But who knew? He could just go and check.
That for some reason sounded way better than lunch.

Jesper grinned at the spontaneous idea.
He turned right and walked down another street. The workshop wasn’t far.

He reached it a couple minutes later.
Nobody else was in the alley, but he still looked around to be sure.

Then he lightly knocked on the door.
For a few seconds it was completely quiet, but then he could hear steps that came to the door. A moment later Wylan opened the door a crack.
He had a wary look on his face and didn’t open the door completely. Only his eyes peeked through.

‘Hey, it’s just me,’ Jesper said and waved awkwardly.
‘I had nothing to do and was in the area, so I thought I swing by. But I can leave you alone if you are busy.’

Wylan smiled, took a step back and opened the door all the way.

‘Oh, hi. Sorry for being so suspicious. I just didn’t expect you,’ he said and stepped out of the way.

Jesper came in and closed the door behind himself.

‘Honestly, I didn’t expect you to be up this early. Didn’t you have a shift yesterday at your den? I would sleep for hours after that.’

He looked around and was surprised at how different everything looked from yesterday.
It had been maybe 15 hours, but the place had transformed from being a bit creepy and dusty and definitely abandoned to an active laboratory.
The desk and nearly everything around was free of dust and the packet Inej had left here was neatly sorted. On the desk a couple of pots and bottles stood. Wylan clearly had been working on something. It all looked very professional.

‘Oh, yeah. I worked yesterday. But it’s okay. I’m used to not sleeping a lot. And we closed a little early. I got at least four hours of sleep. I promise.’ Wylan seemed a bit amused by Jesper’s worry.

‘Four hours? I don’t know how you manage to stay on your feet with that little sleep! You know, I am a defender of the ten hour sleep plus a two hour nap life style.’ Jesper laughed and strolled further into the workshop.

Wylan also laughed.
‘Now don’t tell me you aren’t one of those people who drink and gamble through the whole night and then go robbing and scheming the second the sun starts to rise. I’m sure that is what Mr Brekker expects from you.’

‘Well, yes. But after those kinds of days, I usually sleep for twenty hours and am completely useless for an additional two days. You can ask Inej she will agree.’

‘It’s just practice, really,’ Wylan said and rearranged a few bottles on the table.
‘And you are not much better with your sleep rhythm. You sleep eight hours, but during the day and then are awake all night and morning just to fall asleep at like six in the afternoon, right? I think my little bit of sleep isn’t so bad compared to that.’

Jesper gasped dramatically.
‘When did I tell you about my sleeping habits in such detail? Are you stalking me?’

‘No!’
Wylan blinked. Then he laughed.
‘I mean, no. Of course not. You just give off the aura of someone who doesn’t know what an appropriate sleeping time is.’

‘I am truly offended!’ Jesper answered, giggling a bit.
‘But enough with the sleeping. How are things here? Do you have everything you need?’

‘Oh, yes. Everything is good. This workshop is really well stocked. It’s a miracle that it hasn’t been robbed yet.’

Wylan let his eyes wander over the table and shelfs. He seemed quite pleased with the place.
Jesper thought this workshop kind of suited Wylan. They were in a way similar to each other.

‘Oh, it’s well disguised, isn’t it? And most people know that this is Dregs territory and probably won’t risk pissing Kaz off.’

Jesper suddenly thought back to the last day.
Wylan had asked him to read the list with Kaz’s demanded bombs. In that moment he hadn’t really thought about it, but did it mean that Wylan couldn’t read?
How did he deal with all the different chemicals here then? They all had small, neat labels and often were indistinguishable in looks. Maybe Wylan simply couldn’t read that well?
Kaz really didn’t have nice handwriting.

Jesper felt very stupid all of a sudden. Should he have asked? Offered his assistance maybe? Wylan would probably be too shy to ask directly, right?

‘And is everything good with the supplies?’ He asked carefully.
‘Have you been able… to find everything?’

Surprised, Wylan looked up. Then his eyes swiped over the table and shelfs.
‘Oh, yeah. Of course. It’s all very well organised. And…’ He suddenly seemed nervous.
‘I have some practice distinguishing them. By smell and texture, you know.’

Wylan looked to the ground and started fidgeting with his shirt that was stained from his work.
‘It won’t impact how fast I work. I promise! I’m sorry that I’m not ready yet! I will be done in time. I promise! I can do this,’ he stammered.

Jesper raised his hands.
‘Wow, easy there. No one is expecting you to be done so soon. Honestly, I’m impressed that you already started. I thought after yesterday you would go work and then sleep the whole morning. I really don’t know how you already started. Please, don’t worry. No pressure.’

Wylan looked up again, clearly a bit unsure.

‘Really, Wylan. I promise. No one expects anything like that. I’m actually pretty sure that Inej is going to be more mad if you work yourself into an early grave than taking a bit longer,’ he said and smiled.

Wylan returned the smile cautiously.
‘Thank you, Jesper.’

Jesper smiled even broader.
Something about the way Wylan said his name made his insides tingle. For the lack of a better word, you could call it butterflies. The shock his head slightly.
Wylan was married, Ghezen dammit. He should be smarter than starting to fall for a married man. That was just stupid.

He cleared his throat.
‘Well, why don’t you show me what you have been doing. I really don’t know a lot about bombs. Except that they go BOOM and that I shouldn’t be near them when that happens.’

Wylan laughed.
‘Well, then you already have the two most important things memorised. Good job.’

He turned to table and gestured to the dishes and pots that contained different powders and liquids.

‘I started with the smoke bombs. They are easy. Plus I need to make a couple of them.
It’s mostly just potassium chlorate and lactose. Those are pretty easy to work with. Not really that dangerous either. They will react exotherm, so basically nothing will happen until you heat it up or in your case light it on fire.
I will probably add some dye later to make the smoke more effective. And it will just react to some basic gases that aren’t poisonous.
Well, you shouldn’t put the bomb in your mouth and inhale it all, but that is true for pretty much any gas other than air. And maybe don’t stay in a room that is filled with the smoke for a long time,’ he said and gesture to a bigger bowl with a white powder.

Wylan’s eyes had started glowing as he spoke.
It was very obvious that he would love to explain every little detail to Jesper but knew that he would never understand.
Jesper was pretty sure he would still love to listen to that explanation even if he wouldn’t get a single thing, just to watch Wylan talk for a while with that glow.
Would he glow like that when he played music too?

Jesper curiously reached for the bowl and the supplies next to it.

‘Oh, don’t touch that. Please,’ Wylan interrupted and flinched a little.

‘Oh. Is it going to eat my hand if I do?’ Jesper asked.

‘No, not really. just prefer to be the only one that touches my projects.’ He hesitated for a moment.
‘No, sorry. That’s stupid. Go ahead. Touch what you want. Sorry.’

‘Hey, it’s okay. This is your stuff. I’m not gonna touch anything that you don’t want. Really, I get it. There are like three people in the whole world who are allowed to touch my guns. I guess that is kind of similar,’ Jesper said, taking a step back.

Wylan blinked and then smiled a little.
‘Thank you.’

A moment of silence formed between them and Wylan cleared his throat.
‘Still, I shouldn’t have been so harsh. Sorry. I really don’t know why I am like this. You know, peculiar about some things. It kind of has always been like this.
I apparently started dressing myself the second I was able to because everybody else did it wrong and I would start crying. But I don’t know how true that is. That is just what people told me. Well, it isn’t that important. Sorry.’ Wylan looked down again.

‘No, no. I get it. And that is really nothing you need to apologise for. Maybe I don’t really know how that feels, but that’s okay. It is still true,’ Jesper replied and Wylan smiled a little wider than before.

He cleared his throat and turned his attention back to the table.

‘Well, what will actually eat your hand is that over there.’
He gestured over to a couple of different bottles.
‘I started testing a few acids to see which one would be best suited. I knew a couple that can work out so I’m just seeing which is the best.’

‘Oh, that is so cool. But isn’t it really dangerous to work with those? Do you have protective clothes?’ Jesper asked, looking around a bit concerned.

‘Oh yes, of course,’ Wylan said and held up a pair of thick gloves.
‘And I have protective glasses for the especially nasty ones.’

‘Ah, thank Ghezen. I thought you would say something like “Oh, I don’t need that. I’m careful” or something similarly fucked up. That is at least how most of the demolition experts I have talked to answered. Your kind of people is very reckless did you know that?’ Jesper said.

‘Well, technically not my kind of people. I’m not really a demolitionist, remember? I’m just a random guy you met at a bar,’ Wylan answered and laughed.

‘Wow, if you put it like that, it sounds like a good way to be murdered or kidnapped. Maybe I shouldn’t have come inside,’ giggled Jesper.

‘If I wanted to kidnap you, I would just have put something in your drink in the bar. That would be way easier than trying to fight you here. I would probably lose.’

Jesper looked him up and down.
‘Yeah, I could take you in a fight. I think so at least. I would say the same thing about Inej if I didn’t know her or what she is capable of. But scary thoughts there. You worry me a bit.’

Now Wylan laughed.
‘No, don’t worry. I just was a morbidly curious child with lots of people who would tell me way to dark stories. Looking back, it was actually kind of fun.’

‘Yeah, and then the Barrel does the rest, right?’ Jesper answered.
‘I was basically constantly in shock for the first two weeks that I was here. Probably got jumped three times in those weeks. Wasn’t really careful back then.’

‘You’re not really careful now either. If you remember all that “I trusted a man after seeing him twice in a bar”.’

They both laughed.

Wylan’s eyes sparkled as he looked up to Jesper.
Jesper still appreciated it every time Wylan actually looked him in the eyes. He still noticed that Wylan didn’t really look people in the eye, like the first time he saw him.
But he was pretty sure that Wylan did it more often now after getting to know him a bit. But it was still a rare occurrence and Jesper was absolutely fine with that.

‘You seem pretty set on convincing me that you are dangerous. I’m starting to be worried,’ Jesper said.

‘Oh no, don’t worry. I won’t hurt you. Promise,’ Wylan answered and slowly stopped laughing.

‘That is very gracious of you. My humble thanks.’ Jesper knocked his shoulder against Wylan’s, who smiled.

He cleared his throat and looked around.
‘You know. I probably should let you get back to work. I need to bring this ammunition to the club too. But please take a break soon, yes? Nobody is rushing you. Please sleep a bit?’

Wylan shrugged.
‘Yes, okay. I will try. I should probably sleep before I head to work this evening. Thank you.’

‘Good. And I will swing by again soon, yeah? Well, if you want that. I won’t bother you if you are too busy, of course,’ Jesper said, feeling a bit awkward again all of a sudden.
Maybe Wylan didn’t even want him here. What had he been thinking, just bursting in here unannounced?

‘Oh, I’m not too busy. You can come by any time,’ Wylan said and blushed a little.
‘I would like that actually.’

Jesper could feel himself blushing a bit too. Well, take that mean little voice in the back of his head!

He smiled and started walking in the direction of the door.
‘Okay. I better get going then. Was nice chatting with you.’

‘You too,’ Wylan answered as Jesper waved and left through the door with a grin.

-

Wylan was at the workshop again the next day.
The sun was slowly disappearing behind the horizon and it would be time to go to work soon.

Life had been good these last few days.
Richard was still gone on that mysterious job. Wylan got to work in peace in an admittedly very nice workshop. He got to see Jesper every now and then.

Today Jesper had visited around lunch and they had talked for a minute, but apparently he had been really stressed with the preparations for their job. But it still had been nice.

Wylan would just love to get a bit more sleep.
His bones still felt heavy and he often dozed off as soon as he sat down.

Jesper may have said that nobody expected him to be done very soon, but they also hadn’t given him an actual date.
So he could only assume what “very soon” in this context meant. Better to be save and have the bombs ready as soon as possible.

That was the only other negative thing.
His kind of boss right now was Kaz Brekker. And he really didn’t want to displease a man like that.
So what if he was a little tired. At least his kneecaps weren’t shattered by a cane.

Another reason to be done soon was the money.
He only would get paid if he delivered something. He managed right now, but didn’t have any more food at home.
There hadn’t been much in the cupboards when Richard left and Wylan had eaten the last of it yesterday evening.
Of course Richard hadn’t been considerate enough to leave him some money.
Wylan would probably nick some when he went to work tonight in the club.

Well, he wouldn’t die after a few days with not enough food.
It was not like this was the first time he went without food for a couple days. His father had tried to force him to read by withholding food a few times, but of course it had never been successful. It had just made Wylan paranoid as to when he would get his next meal.

He shook his head a bit to lose these thoughts.
He needed to focus on his work.

The smoke bombs and the normal explosives were done and he was pretty sure that he found a suitable acid.
He just needed to run a few more tests on that and finish the phosphorus bombs that he just started. They were a bit tricky, but he knew what he needed to do.
He should be finished in the early afternoon tomorrow if everything went according to plan.

He smiled a little bit.
It felt good to finally let his head work a bit again. Even if it wasn’t composing or experimenting with a new melody. Chemistry was the next best thing.

While he continued weighing a powder, he started humming quietly to himself and let himself get lost in his work.

A minute later, Wylan caught his eyes wandering to the door again for the dozens time in the last hour.
A part of himself was apparently very desperate for Jesper to show up again. That man was probably the best thing about this whole situation.

He knew that that didn’t really make that much sense.
They only knew each other for a few weeks and didn’t even spend much time together.
But still, Jesper was the closest thing he had to a friend, like ever. It wasn’t like he had met many people his age when he spent all his time being home schooled and sitting in a lonely mansion that he wasn’t allowed to leave.

The rational part of him knew that he was only this attached to Jesper because he was the only friendly face that he had met in a really long time. But that didn’t make his feelings any more real. Right?

He shrugged and went back to humming.
It wouldn’t help him finish these bombs to be thinking about Jesper. And the man would show up when he wanted to and not when Wylan was hoping for it.

It was already dark outside when Wylan was interrupted in his train of thought again.

The door to the workshop was creaking.

His heart lurched for a second thinking about all the kinds of burglars and robbers that could be.
He breathed out and remembered what Jesper had told him. Most people wouldn’t mess with property of the Dregs.
Maybe this was Jesper saying good night before probably searching for a table that would let him gamble?

The door slowly swung open and Wylan already began to smile when he recognised the figure standing in the dim light of the street lamp.

That wasn’t Jesper. That was a man in a coat and with a cane in his hand.
That was Kaz Brekker.

Wylan wanted to run, but he was like frozen.
This was so much worse then some random burglar. This was a Barrel Boss who wanted his bombs that weren’t ready yet.

Wylan took a step back and bumped against the desk behind him.

There was nowhere to run. He should have known it was a stupid idea to accept this job.
He should have found a different way to make money. A different way to see Jesper regularly.

His breath was speeding up and it felt like his heart would jump out of his chest any minute now.

Brekker made his way into the workshop, cane clanking with every step.

‘Good evening. So, Gendill. Or should I call you Wylan? You haven’t had the other name that long,’ He began and the hairs on Wylan’s arms raised.
That voice sounded like metal grating over metal.

‘Whatever you prefer, sir,’ he answered and ducked his head.

Maybe if he explained, Brekker would give him a bit more time? Just a few more hours. He could skip the work at the club and finish up here. If he hurried, it would maybe be three hours? Maybe two if he really tried?

‘Wylan then. How are my bombs coming along?’ Brekker stood in front of the table and let his gaze sweep over the different projects.

‘I’m sorry. Please, I really am,’ Wylan began and Brekker raised an eyebrow.
‘I’m not ready yet. I’m sorry. I just need a bit more time! I can be done by tomorrow morning. I promise! Please. I… I didn’t know. I’m sorry.’

Brekker cleared his throat and Wylan immediately shut his mouth. He was fucking this up. He was so dead.

‘Did I say that I was here to collect the bombs? No. Now take a breath and answer my question,’ Brekker said and took a step closer to the table.

Wylan drew in a shaky breath.
He blinked a couple of times.
Yes, he knew this game. Listen to the exact words. Just do as you are told.

‘Yes. I’m sorry. I’m done with almost everything. I’m just finishing the phosphorus bombs and making sure that the acid has the right concentration. I can be done by tomorrow.’ He hated how small his voice sounded.

All of a sudden he was back in his father’s office and explaining what he did that day and why it wasn’t reading.

Brekker raised his eyebrow again.
‘Already? And you are sure that everything works?’

Oh, of course Brekker would question the quality of the products. He hired a total nobody with no experience after all.

‘Yes. I’m sure. I promise. They will be satisfactory,’ he answered, his voice still shaky.

‘And when will you be done? If you proceed as you planned?’

‘I planned with early afternoon tomorrow. But I can be done sooner! Tomorrow at sunrise at the latest! I can do that. I promise!’

‘Did I ask you to be done sooner? I will be here tomorrow at sundown to collect them. Make sure you prioritise quality over speed. And get some fucking sleep, merchling.’

With those words, Brekker was out the door. Only the faint clicking of his cane remained.

Wylan’s knees buckled and gave out under him. He slid to the ground and buried his face in his hands. What just happened?

He was so tired, he didn’t even notice what Brekker had just called him.

Chapter Text

Wylan polished glasses behind the bar in the Golden Seagull.
It was already really late, or really early depending on how you wanted to see it, so it wasn’t busy anymore.

He looked forward to getting home and finally sleeping a bit.
The last few days had been way too stressful with making bombs and still working and all the other excitement.
But he had handed the bombs over to Kaz yesterday and had received his payment. He had done it. His first actual job. He had to say that he was quite proud of himself.

He had taken great joy in going shopping with his first ever self earned money. At least his first that was actually his.
He hadn’t gotten anything fancy of course, but the eggs and bacon he had eaten this morning had felt like a real luxury. Especially after days of rationing what little food Richard had left after his departure.

He sighed and pushed his shoulders back.
His bones hurt and he couldn’t wait to finally lay down. He still needed time to recover.

His body may be tired, but his mind was racing. Tonight was the date of the job. That’s at least what they told him.
Jesper was somewhere out there.

He was just hoping that Jesper and the others were doing okay.
The job hadn’t sounded that dangerous, but something could always happen with these sorts of things, right?
He didn’t want to imagine Jesper in the back of a Stadwatch cart or worse, bleeding out in some alley.

He hadn’t heard from them since yesterday, but who knew how long these things took.
His husband now had been gone for days and nobody at the gambling den seemed to know when he would return. Every time Wylan tried to ask everyone just made jokes about how much he missed Richard.
So jobs could take quite a while.

Maybe he wouldn’t see Jesper at all after this.
If they didn’t need his skills as the demolitionist then there was no real reason to contact him.
And he wasn’t entitled to any information either. He wasn’t part of the Dregs. As far as he knew they could be long done and drinking and partying in the Crow club.

Wylan put the last glass back on the shelf and looked around.
There were no guests left in the den. He would just need to wipe down the tables now and then he finally could go home.
And tomorrow he could sleep in and enjoy his day. Maybe he could see Jesper?
Even if the other man didn’t seek him out he hadn’t seemed to mind Wylan’s presence before so maybe he could go and meet him.

He started smiling at that thought.
Then he stopped for a second and shook his head.

He didn’t even know if they were gonna contact him at all or tell him how the job went.
He shouldn’t get his hopes of soon seeing Jesper again up. Who knew how busy the other man would be? Who knew if he even already returned from the job.

But… but Wylan was fairly sure that Jesper liked spending time with him.
So maybe he could hope for another meeting. One way or another. Even if it was still weeks in the future. He could wait.

He tried to tune out his father’s voice in the back of his head that had started telling him how no one would want to spend time with him, who wasn’t paid.
His father didn’t get to tell him anymore what he had to do.

He shook his head again as he folded his towel.
He looked around the corner to the back room where a few men still sat. One of them nodded to him and he took that as permission to go.

He got his coat from next to the back door and put it on. He controlled that his shoes were tied and then stepped out of the club into the night. Well, early morning.
He was almost sure that he could already see the grey of the morning creep up the roofs. Cold wind hit his face and he sighed.

He took a few steps forward in the direction of their flat but found himself collapsing onto the bank that stood back here next to the door.
The world went blurry around him. He gripped the wooden edge of the bench.

He blinked a bit surprised, but then he realized how heavy all of him felt.
His bones were pulling him to the ground. His eyelids wanted to fall shut.
His bag slit off his shoulder and onto the ground. He could feel tears prickling in the corners of his eyes.

She swallowed. He wasn’t even sad! Why was he almost crying?

His chest was tight as a knot and frustration and exhaustion began to spill over the borders of his consciousness.
He was so done. He wanted to sleep, but he still needed to get home.

The way to the flat suddenly seemed like an impossible task. How was he supposed to manage this?
How was he supposed the manage any of this?

He wanted to curl up and cry and never have to do anything ever again. He didn’t want this.

He didn’t know how long he sat there just paralysed, but it could have been minutes or hours or even eternity.

Finally, after shedding some tears and being angry at himself for not being able to stand up he moved again. It again felt like hours passed until he finally stood on his feet, but with a lot of willpower, he began moving home.

After a while, the steps got a bit easier even though he stayed as tired and heavy as he had been since the beginning.
He didn’t think of much and just concentrated on getting home.
His mind was blank for a change. He wasn’t sure if he liked it.

He could have started crying again as soon as he passed the doorstep of the little flat.

He got himself to the bed and then collapsed again. He managed to get his coat and shoes off, but then he just fell back onto the lumpy mattress.

Wylan closed his eyes. His last thought before falling into a near comatose sleep was for the Dregs. For Jesper.
He just hoped that they were safe and he would get to see them again.

-

Jan van Eck sat in this office.
The sun shined through his window. There was fresh coffee on a table to his side and filled the room with its smell. His ink was fresh and his papers were neatly stacked on top of his desk.

In other words, Jan van Eck was having a very pleasant morning.

He smiled slightly.
What a good day to be alive. It made him want to visit a church and pray. He almost laughed at that thought. When had he last prayed? It had to have been years.

He chuckled a bit and began opening a letter.
It was nothing important. Just an invite from a fellow merchant. Alys would certainly be excited about that.

He brushed the letter to the side and continued with the topmost documents on his desk.
His accountant had brought him the reports from the last few months combined.

Jan van Eck’s smile only got wider as he skimmed over the pages. With every line he read he could feel his triumph growing.

It looked good. It looked really good. Numbers were increasing, firms were growing, profits were rising. Everything was quite literally perfect.
Oh, this was a wonderful day.

He put on his glasses and began reading the report a bit more thoroughly. Even the rows and rows of overly complicated details couldn’t dampen his good mood.

After a few pages, he put the document down and took his cup of coffee.
He sipped from it and mentally patted himself on the shoulder. He truly was a great businessman. Nobody could deny that. Not even his worst enemies. He should be proud of himself. Everyone was looking up to him.

He was also quite glad that one of his riskier trades this year had paid off.

It had been a risk to marry that boy to a gang member.
Alone the damage that could have been done if the general public had caught wind of that! But thankfully the priest had been well paid for his discretion and it wasn’t like they had had a lot of guests.

Back then he hadn’t been sure if it actually was a smart move.
He mainly had wanted the boy out of the house. He had begun to fear that his disappointment in the boy had tinted his rational thinking.
But of course, he had calculated correctly.
He didn’t even know anymore why he doubted himself. Especially about the disgrace that he was forced to call son.

He almost laughed when he looked back at the numbers.

Working with the Razorgulls really had paid off.
Their intel had directed him in a few of his decisions and their protection over his factories at the harbour had made the transport of wares a lot easier.
It truly was astonishing how much money you could make just by making sure that your workers didn’t get jumped on their way to work.

He really looked forward to discovering what else he could achieve with their help. He would need to test their limits.

For a second his thoughts slipped to the boy.
He really hadn’t even noticed that Wylan was gone.
The house was the same, dinner was the same, his work was the same.

Maybe he should have done this way earlier.
It certainly would have removed an eyesore from the house and he wouldn’t have had to spend precious time disciplining the boy. Over all his life really was better in every aspect without his “son” in it.

He hadn’t heard anything from the boy since the wedding and he didn’t want to.
He didn’t marry him off just to get a letter every week.

Ha, a letter. That actually would be a miracle. Maybe if he got a letter from the boy he would actually consider talking to him.

Well, the boy probably just laid in a bed in some hole in the Barrel and was making his husband happy. Or whatever else these people got up to.

Jan van Eck shook his head and returned to the document after another long sip from his coffee.
His time was too precious to be thinking of that boy.

He continued reading for a while but found himself losing interest.
It might all be great and all growing, but that was also a bit uninteresting. He had already seen the numbers and he would have heard if one of his assets was suddenly dropping.
There was nothing new to be read here.

He put the papers to the side and stood up.
He would read that further this evening.

He stepped to one of the windows of his study and looked out onto the city.
Not the idyllic beautiful picture you would be hoping for. The sky was grey with clouds and smoke hung over everything even here so far from the factories. The streets were lined with dark puddles. There were people yelling in the distance.
Ketterdam might not be a beautiful city, but it was his city and thanks to it he was one of the richest men in the country.

His brows suddenly furrowed when he saw a Statwatch cart drive by on the street below.

This morning he had received news that one of the major banks had been broken into this night.
Apparently, nothing had been stolen, but there had been some quite extensive damage to security doors and several vaults. There also were two confirmed deaths, but they hadn’t been identified jet because they were so scorched from an explosive.
But they were probably just the security guards of the bank.

Of course, the main suspects were the gangs of the Barrel, but there was nothing specific known yet.

His smile had faded.

He just hoped that they would soon find out what the goal of this operation was and find the criminals who did that. Events like these disturbed his city and with that, his profit and he really didn’t want that after so many months of smooth sailing.

He shook his head and turned his back to the window.

The savages really had no etiquette whatsoever.
If they would work honest jobs and actually apply themselves then they could succeed in life in their own modest way. But no, they always had to reach for bigger, better, higher. And in the process take away from honest hardworking men like himself.
Uncontrolled, like animals.

He sneered and sat back down.

But no, he wouldn’t let these rats ruin his mood.
This was a good day and it would continue to be a good day. So Ghezen help him.
Jan van Eck smiled again and looked back at the numbers of his success.
He would make this a good day!

-

Jesper skipped through the Barrel. And yes, he was skipping like a little child and it was a miracle that he wasn’t also giggling like one as well.

The other people on the street stared at him, but he didn’t let that bother him. Let them look, he was in a good mood and he was allowed to show that.

The job had gone great.
There had been action and bombs and shooting, but no one had been seriously hurt and it all worked out.

Well, actually nothing really had gone to plan, but they had improvised quite fantastically.
Kaz of course was in a bad mood because they hadn’t managed to be as sneaky as he wanted and had engaged in open fighting.
Jesper was pretty sure that there were even a few deaths.
But the bombs had been helpful and they were all alive and well. And now he had money and was in a very very good mood.
What could you want more?

Normally he would now go and gamble a good part of his newly earned money away, but today he had different plans. He was going to see Wylan.
And maybe the gambling would come later.

It had been two days since they had seen each other.

He and the others had just finished the job this morning so he hadn’t had any opportunity to visit Wylan.
He now would try to meet Wylan before he began working tonight.

It was still quite early in the evening so he wouldn’t already be in the club.
Now he just needed to hope that he wasn’t way to early. With a bit of luck Jesper wouldn’t need to awkwardly stand around the gambling den like a stalker and wait for Wylan.

One day he really needed to figure out where he lived.
Not in a creepy way of course. It would just be good to know where to find Wylan in case of an emergency.
Though, Inej most likely knew where Wylan lived, what shoe size he had and what his favourite blanket was. In case of an emergency, she would anyway be the first one to know and would also be the fastest to alert all of them.

Jesper sighed and rounded a corner. He had now stopped skipping.
Well, he would learn about Wylan’s life in time. And Wylan would decide what information he wanted to share.

For the second time in his life, he almost ran Wylan over.

The other man stood right at the wall of the alley that Jesper had just entered and was apparently searching for something in his bag.

Jesper yelped and stumbled back just in time to avoid them both falling to the ground.
Wylan startled and jumped back as well, his bag clutched to his chest.

They stared at each other for a second and then Jesper began laughing.

‘I’m so sorry,’ he said, holding his stomach.
‘I really should start looking to where I’m going. Are you okay?’

Wylan began giggling as well.
‘Yes, don’t worry,’ he answered. ‘He just caught me a bit off guard. That’s all.’

‘That’s good. Sorry again,’ Jesper laughed and patted Wylan’s shoulder.

He smiled at him.
‘Honestly, I’m just glad to see you,’ Wylan said and dusted his coat off a little bit.
‘I was worried. I didn’t know if you were okay and if everything worked. How are the others doing? Your friends?’

‘Oh, yeah. Everything is fine. We are all good. And, surprise surprise, the job is done. Everything worked great,’ Jesper answered with a grin.
‘And not in little part to you. Damn, Wylan. Those bombs were fire. Literally!’

Wylan stared at him again and blushed a bit.
‘Really? I was really unsure about the phosphorus bombs and I thought I took way too long and the acid..’

Jesper interrupted him.
‘No, really. It was great! And they were so helpful as well. Without them, this would have been so much more difficult.’

Wylan blushed even more.
‘I’m just glad that I could help,’ he said and looked to the ground. ‘And I’m really glad that you all are doing okay. I was worried.’

Jesper grinned and hoped he wasn’t blushing too hard.
‘Aww, aren’t you sweet. But don’t worry. It takes a lot to take down Jesper Fahey. You don’t even want to know how often I have gotten shot in my life.’

‘What? You have gotten shot before?’ Wylan asked with wide eyes.
‘How are you okay?’

‘Oh, it’s not that uncommon. In my business getting shot is kind of an expected risk. Just like with the fingers in yours. And like I said. It takes a lot to keep me down,’ he answered, chuckling.
‘Honestly? I hate sprains and stuff like that way more than gunshot wounds.’

‘You are crazy,’ Wylan said and shook his head.

‘Yes! And you are working with me! Even worse, we are friends! So you will just have to deal with it,’ Jesper said and flashed his white teeth.

‘We are friends?’ Wylan asked, suddenly very serious.

Jesper halted. His smile faltered. His heart seemed to drop to the floor.
Had he read the situation wrong? They were friends, right? At least that, right? Or had he gone too fast again?
Oh, shit. He didn’t want to ruin this.

‘Well,’ he began his voice a lot quieter than before.
‘I kind of thought we were. I really like talking to you and all. But we don’t have to be! I know we haven’t known each other for very long and all that.’

Wylan just blinked and then a tiny smile started forming on his face.
‘I’d like to be friends,’ he answered and looked to the floor.
‘I just didn’t want to assume anything. You know?’

Jesper breathed out. Oh, Ghezen, that had been scary.
Now his stomach felt nice and warm all of a sudden. He began smiling as well.

‘Oh, good. Then I’m relieved. I was scared there for a second that I read the whole situation wrong,’ he said and laughed a bit awkwardly.

‘Oh, sorry. I really didn’t mean it like that,’ Wylan answered and looked away.
‘But I’m glad that we are friends. I don’t have many of those.’

‘Oh, not even in the club?’ Jesper asked, suddenly very concerned.
’You know, if you spent some more time with us I’m sure that you and Inej could be friends. And Nina too!’

Wylan smiled at that.
‘I would like that, I think. Do you think we will? Spent more time together I mean.’

Jesper shrugged.
‘Well, I for one would like to see you often. I of course don’t have any influence on if Kaz decides to hire you again, but I’m so gonna advocate for you. Only if you want of course.’

‘Yes, please do,’ Wylan answered almost a little bit too fast.

A grin spread over Jesper’s face and the warm fuzzy feeling returned to his stomach. Wylan had actually liked working with them! Even though Kaz really hadn’t been nice.

‘But I of course understand if Mr. Brekker doesn’t want to work with me again. It’s not like I’m actually trained for this or anything,’ Wylan said and looked very awkward again.

Jesper had begun shaking his head even before Wylan was done talking.
‘You did a great job! And you know that I have known Kaz for a very long time, right? I’m pretty sure that he was impressed. Or at the very least pleased.’

Wylan just stared at him with a slightly open mouth. He looked kind of cute like that.
‘Really? Honestly? Kaz Brekker liked my bombs?’ He asked and looked like a little kid at the sight of the Christmas tree.

Jesper laughed.
‘Yes, honestly. He won’t say anything to you, but if he hires you again that practically means that he approves of you,’ he said still laughing at Wylan’s expression.

‘I can’t believe it. I thought he was going to kill me,’ he mumbled.

‘Should I be jealous that you apparently value his opinion so much higher than mine?’ Jesper giggled.
‘I certainly never got a reaction like that from you.’

Wylan blushed.
‘No, it’s not like that. With you, I’m just pretty sure that you don’t hate me, but with Mr. Brekker I was pretty sure that he despises me. I’m just surprised.’

‘Oh yeah. Kaz hates everybody except Inej. But he cares. And he is not stupid. He won’t just let potential go to waste. And if I annoy him enough I can most likely get him to hire you again,’ he replied.

Wylan just shook his head, still dumbfounded.
‘Thank you, Jesper,’ he finally said and smiled at him.
‘This really means a lot to me.’

Not it was Jesper’s turn to blush.
He should really mediate a bit, contemplate his feelings. He was sure that he had never met a girl or guy that could fluster him with a simple Thank you.

‘It’s nothing,’ he said and scratched the back of his neck.
‘Sooo, how have the last few days been for you?’

Yes, this was what he needed. A topic change.
He could feel the butterflies in his stomach settle down a bit. But of course they didn’t disappear. How could they when Wylan stood right there in front of him?

Now Wylan looked awkward.
‘Not much. Slept a lot and went shopping, for food,’ he said.

‘Oh good, finally some sleep. I was really worried about that honestly,’ Jesper replied.
‘And grocery shopping can be fun.’

‘Yeah, it was actually a great feeling to finally buy something with my own self earned money,’ Wylan said and laughed a bit.
‘I know, it’s a bit mundane.’

‘Oh no, sounds great,’ Jesper answered and frowned a bit.
‘But your first own money? I thought you work in the den and all that.’

Wylan blinked and then something behind his eyes closed up.
‘My husband handles our money,’ he said in a tone that suggested that he didn’t want to talk about it.

‘Oh, okay,’ Jesper said and immediately changed the topic again.

It hadn’t been his intention to make Wylan uncomfortable. But he wanted to question what he just said.
Was his husband just better with money? But wasn’t it then their shared money?
This felt very wrong.

‘So, maybe we could meet up soon?’ He asked instead of the questions he really wanted to ask.
Like was Wylan okay?

‘I mean if we don’t get to work together again. You could still come to the club and get to know the others. Or we can meet in the city,’ he continued and felt the insecurity bubble up again.

Yes, Wylan had said that they were friends, but Jesper had just pushed a boundary of his and he really didn’t know if Wylan would want to make time in his day just for him.
Until now they had always met in some kind of work environment.
What would he even do if he said no?

But Wylan smiled and it felt like the weight of all of Ketterdam was lifted from Jesper’s shoulders.
‘Yes, that sounds good,’ Wylan said.
‘I don’t know how much time I will have with the club and all, but I’m sure we can see each other.’

Jesper started grinning again. See, mean little voice? He should have a bit more faith.

‘Great!’ He exclaimed. ‘How about I show you the club tomorrow? Or the day after? And then we could find something to eat!’

‘That sounds good. Thank you again,’ Wylan replied.

There it was again. The warmth that filled Jesper’s chest and made him want to giggle and jump around. But he contained himself.

‘Uh, yes. It’s gonna be great! I can show you all the cool places and hiding spots and stuff. It’s way better than the Golden Seagull,’ he stopped in his tracks and his eyes snapped over to Wylan.
‘Oh, no. Sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. The Golden Seagull is nice. I’m just more familiar with the Crow club and all. I didn’t mean to insult you or…’

He was interrupted by Wylan’s laughter. He blinked but then began grinning as well.

‘Don’t worry. I know that the Crow Club is way nicer than this den. I have eyes, you know?’ Wylan replied, still laughing.

‘Oh, thank ghezen. You have taste,’ Jesper said.
‘You are truly the most beautiful thing about the Golden Seagull.’

He wanted to hit himself as soon as the words had left his mouth. Didn’t he just panic because he thought he was going too fast? This was definitely too much.
But Wylan just laughed and waved him off.

‘You are weird,’ he said, his light eyes twinkling.
‘So, the day after tomorrow in your superior club?’

Jesper nodded.
‘Yes, in the early evening? Before you go to work?’

‘Yes. Maybe… maybe I can arrange that I won’t have to go to work at all. Then we would have more time.’

Jesper’s heart skipped a beat at that. Wylan really wanted to spend time with him!

‘But I have to get going now. I can’t be late,’ Wylan said and gestured over to the gambling den.
‘Work calls.’

Jesper sighed dramatically. ‘I’m gonna find some other entertainment then. Tragic. But I hope you have a good night at work. Just nice customers.’

Wylan had already shouldered his bag and was a few steps in the direction of the club. He turned his head.

‘None of them as nice as you,’ he called. ‘Bye, Jesper.’

If that he disappeared into the gambling den, leaving a very flustered Jesper in the small alley

Chapter Text

Richard was in a foul mood.

They walked through the heavy rain of the Kerch countryside and his boots had gotten stuck in the mud at least five times in the last half hour. Everything was soaked and water dripped from the brim of his hat.

Their cart had broken down this morning and of course they couldn’t wait until it was fixed because their mission was ‘so urgent and important’.

He spit on the ground and readjusted his coat.

His boss had it easy, of course.
He sat on a horse and didn’t need to struggle through knee deep puddles. And he was the second in command of this whole thing! Why was he putting up with this? Why did he have to put up with this?
It just wasn’t fit for a man of his station.
In moments like these he seriously questioned why he even joined the Razorgulls. This was miserable work.
But he reminded himself, it was for the money. The money would make all of this so worth it.

And tomorrow they would be back in good old Ketterdam where there was nice cobblestone and no dirt roads.

The ground beneath him gave a squelching sound and his boot sank down further.
Richard cursed and tried to get the thing unstuck.

When he made enough money, he would leave this rain hellhole and move to somewhere sunny. Maybe a nice cabin at a beach in Novyi Zem.

Well, in Ketterdam waited a nice and dry flat for him. And if that husband of his knew what was good for him, then there also would be some hot homemade food.

If he was honest, he hadn’t been too impressed with the idea of marrying a little merchant boy for longtime benefits and political relations.
But the boss had practically ordered him to marry the boy. He had first thought that the boy was going to be an arrogant little brat that was sent to spy on them and horribly spoiled.

But he had been pleasantly surprised.
Wylan knew his place even before he came to Richard.
His father had raised him well. He was submissive and easy to handle, just what Richard had needed for his home. Plus, the boy was really easy on the eyes and young so he really couldn’t complain.

The boy was just terribly stupid.
It had taken that idiot ages to get the hang of the work in the Golden Seagull or get the really simple rules that Richard had set up for their home.
But he had learned after a while and some good beatings. Pain still was the best teacher.

And sometimes teaching Wylan new things could be really entertaining.
It had been quite a while since he had a virgin in his bed and such a cute one as well. It had been fun to finally teach someone how to suck dick properly again.
It had been too long. And at least that had been something the boy had gotten the hang of quite quickly.

Richard smiled at the thought of his husband.

He was looking forward to seeing him again. He had a lot pent up that he couldn’t wait to finally release. And he would take a few days off after this and really enjoy the time with his husband.

Suddenly his forehead creased a bit as he remembered the little brat’s misstep before he had left.
The boy better hadn’t seen that gunslinger again while he was away. It would be so typical of that little whore to go and spread his legs for some lowlife the second Richard turned his back.
He probably let all of the Dregs have a go if he just had enough time. But he would figure that out when he came home and had time to think of a proper punishment for his husband. They would have a nice long talk.

He got ripped from these pleasant thoughts by the voice of his boss.
‘Rich, go ahead and scout out if there is an inn nearby, will ya? I wanna get out of this piss weather,’ he yelled over the sound of the rain.

Richard’s head snapped over and his brows furrowed.
‘Isn’t that what I have been saying for the last two hours?’ He replied. He didn’t have the motivation to repress the annoyance in his voice.
‘And how the fuck am I supposed to scout like this? We need a minute for every five meters we go! Have you seen the mud?’

His boss, a tall man with a bald head, looked back at him equally annoyed.
‘Why don’t you just do what I tell you to and then we all will get somewhere dry faster,’ he said.

‘You are the one with the horse, boss,’ Richard answered and gestured wildly.
‘You will be faster than any of us. I would take hours just to find an inn much more to return and report!’

‘You want me to leave my men in a storm? All alone in a storm? What kind of leader do you think I am?’ The boss said and visibly was getting angrier by the second.

‘We are not little helpless children! We got this job done? Right?’ Richard yelled.

His boss's eyes narrowed.
‘Go and do as I say or we’re gonna have a problem. Do you really wanna do this in front of everyone?’ He asked.

Richard looked around. Not everyone had noticed their discussion yet, but a few of the others were already listening.
He sighed and glared at his boss. Then he slowly nodded.

‘I see what I can do,’ he just said, turned and tried to pick up his pace.
It was still slow, but with a bit of time, he left the group behind him and began his lonely walk through the mud.

Oh, he really couldn’t wait to get back to Ketterdam and his husband.

-

Inej opened the door to the Crow Club and entered.
A gust of cold wind followed in with her.

It seemed to be a very slow night here.
There were only a few patrons scattered across the room. But that wasn’t surprising. The weather was bad and most tourists had stayed in their hotels this night. Currently, there was just one game being played by a few tourists from Ravka. The dealer seemed to be very bored.

She scanned the room while rain dripped from her hood.
Other than the couple of tourists there were not many people here. Even most of the staff was missing.
But she spotted Wylan and Jesper. They sat not far from her next to each other at the bar and looked out onto the rest of the club and tables.
They hadn’t seen her yet.

She furrowed her brows a bit.
Normally around this time, Wylan worked in the Golden Seagull. What was different today?
Jesper was supposed to be at work and guarding the door as well.
And hadn’t they decided that it would be best if Wylan wasn’t seen with them in public? She didn’t want the boy to get in any trouble.
He already had enough to deal with from what she had gathered in her little investigation.

Kaz after all didn’t just hire anybody. When Jesper had first told her about Wylan, she could have never imagined how much she would discover behind that name.

But she shook her head.
These were not her worries. They concerned Wylan and maybe Jesper, but it was not her place to talk about them. And it wouldn’t help her to think too much about them.

Now finally Jesper saw her.
She really would need to give him some more training in attentiveness and keeping an eye on a room. Especially one that he was supposed to protect.

He smiled widely at her and waved her over.
Oh, she couldn’t really be mad at his stupid face. She smiled back and walked over.

Wylan had looked up at her and his expression turned a bit wary. She smiled at him as well.
He didn’t look her in the eyes, but he kind of returned the gesture.

‘Inej, what are you doing outside in this Ghezen forsaken weather?’ Jesper asked and patted the chair next to him.

She sat down after scanning the room one more time. It was hard to get rid of these kinds of habits.
‘Business doesn’t wait on the weather,’ she answered and shrugged her hood off.
Her hair was only a little wet.
‘And what are you two doing? Nothing and not keeping an eye out for danger?’

She raised an eyebrow at Jesper, who flustered.

‘I don’t know what you mean!’ He exclaimed.
‘I have everything under control. And Wylan here is even helping me, right?’

Wylan didn’t answer and just looked at Inej a bit unsure.

‘Oh, come on. We just had a very successful job thanks to dear Wylan here,’ Jesper said.
‘There is no reason for us not to relax a bit and enjoy our success. We have earned it.’

‘Your victory won’t get you far if you get killed only four days after,’ she said and chuckled.
Her eyes flicked over to Wylan, who still hadn’t said anything. She wanted to inquire what he was doing here and why he wasn’t at his job, but she had a feeling that he wouldn’t want to answer these questions.

She sighed. ‘Well, you will do what you want anyways, right? But you are correct. Wylan, your work was very helpful. I honestly think they were at least as good as the products Raske delivered. And I think that Kaz thinks so too.’

Wylan’s mouth gaped open. He blinked.
‘Really? Did he say that?’ He asked and sounded as if she had just told her that all the saints had emerged from the harbor.
He cleared his throat.
‘I mean, I’m pleased that I could be of assistance, Miss Inej.’

‘Oh, no need to be so formal, Wy,’ Jesper laughed.
‘But she is telling the truth. Didn’t I tell you so? Your bombs were great!’

‘Thank you,’ Wylan answered and blushed a little.
‘And I… I would be open to future collaboration as well. If you require that.’

Jesper grinned even broader.
‘Really? Oh, I’m sure that we will need you again in the future! A little explosive never hurts.’

Jesper’s eyes had lit up and Inej had begun noticing that that always happened when he looked at Wylan.
Wylan also smiled at Jesper more often than at anyone else. There was almost a kind of buzzing between them.
She wanted to warn them both of how dangerous this was, but she didn’t want to interfere.
They were grown men. They had to make these decisions on their own.

And it wasn’t like she really had any moral high ground here. After all, Kaz Brekker was the most dangerous man of the Barrel.

Inej smiled as well.
‘I will let Kaz know and you will hear from him.’

Wylan nodded.
‘Thank you. I look forward to it. Thank you for everything. All the supplies and everything else.’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ she answered.

Jesper clapped his hands together.
Wylan flinched a little at the sound. The movement was so minimal that you would have missed it in the blink of an eye, but she still caught it.

‘Well, I thought, why don’t we give this piss weather a go as well,’ Jesper said and began standing up.
‘I know a good place for some warm food. And we deserve that, right, Wylan?’

The other man looked a bit surprised but nodded. He looked at Inej.

‘Will you come with us as well, Miss?’ Wylan asked.
She shook her head even before he had finished his sentence.

‘No, I have more business to attend to,’ she said and raised her hands apologetically at Jesper’s disappointed look.
‘Maybe another time.’

‘Well, then I guess we will see you soon. Take care, yeah?’ Jesper answered and Wylan next to him stood up and nodded as well.

She bid them goodbye and looked after them as they headed out of the club.

After a quick trip to Kaz's office and a short talk with another gang member, she found herself back on the slick roofs of Ketterdam. The weather was still miserable, but the rain had reduced to a light drizzle.
She thanked her saints for that. It was a lot easier to see without water in her eyes.

Without even wanting to, she had started scanning the streets below for the two boys who had just left the club. It didn’t take her long to find Jesper and Wylan walking close by the wall of a nearby building, avoiding the rain as best as they could.
There weren’t many people on the streets and the two of them were recognizable enough to be easy to follow. They were heading in the direction she was going into anyway, so she kept pace with them on the roofs.

The two rounded a corner into one of the busier streets of the east stave.
On a normal night you wouldn’t even be able to walk properly here because of the crowd, but today there weren’t as many people out. But you still needed to mind your step.

She watched as they progressed down the street. Wylan stayed extremely close to Jesper and got out of everyone’s way as best as possible.
He stumbled back as someone brushed his shoulder and Jesper caught him. From there on he kept a hand on Wylan’s elbow and the other man actually seemed to calm down a bit.

The whole way the two of them were talking and laughing.
Jesper really seemed to enjoy Wylan’s presence and the other way around. And that even though they seemed so different.

She continued with them over the roofs and when they stopped at the food stall, she found herself stopping as well.
Now the argument of ‘they were going in the same direction’ didn’t really work that well anymore. She was kind of spying. No, she was just keeping an eye on her friend.
She would continue on her way in a minute.

She watched as Jesper began talking to the stall owner.
Wylan slipped from his side and walked over to another stall, which she couldn’t really see from her roof.
Jesper seemed to be having troubles with the vendor and gestured wildly. Inej grinned a bit. Only Jesper would start a fight over some meat skewers.
Well, Nina maybe would too.

A moment later Wylan appeared again next to Jesper and nudged him.
He turned and Wylan offered him a paper wrapped Stroopwaffle with a tiny smile. Inej could see Jesper’s eyes light up even from up here.
They started grinning and took the sweet with what must be a stream of thanks. Wylan smiled as well.

Jesper said a last thing to the vendor, then slung his arm around Wylan’s shoulder and the two men walked down the street, probably giggling.

Inej was smiling.
They were cute. They seemed to be a match. But it wasn’t that easy, was it? Her smile slowly vanished. It was never easy. There was always something going wrong and people had so many more faces than you saw in the beginning. Jesper wasn’t easy. Wylan wasn’t easy.
Kaz wasn’t easy.

But maybe they could work it out? There had to be a way.

She sighed and again began her way over the uneven roofs of Ketterdam.

She needed to have some trust. Her saints would guide her. And she would find a way.
Jesper and Wylan could as well.

-

The bad weather from the day before had subsided and now the sun shined through the kitchen window of Wylan’s little flat.
Dust was drifting in the air and the room smelled of the freshly washed bedsheets that hung along the wall.

Wylan was quietly humming to himself, doing the dishes and enjoying this peaceful domestic moment.
He was deeply lost in thought. Maybe he would go for a walk later and buy a little sweet treat. He still had a bit of extra money for frivolous things like that.

This dream popped like a bubble when he suddenly heard keys turning in the front door.

He stopped breathing. His heart sped up.
Richard was back. No one else had a key.

He already could feel tears forming in his eyes, but he swallowed them down.
His hands began to shake.
Well, so much for his new peaceful life.
He had actually started feeling comfortable in this little flat. He had almost forgotten that this was nothing more than a short lived fantasy. He took a moment to mourn the life he had lived for the last two weeks.

He breathed in and out and then rushed to the door to greet his husband. Better to get off on the right foot right away.

The door swung open as Wylan rounded the corner into the narrow entrance way.
It revealed Richard. He hadn’t gotten any prettier in the last two weeks. His boots were full of mud that he now carried into the flat. His coat smelled wet and his beard stubble was longer than Wylan had ever seen it. But most importantly, Richard's expression was sour and exhausted. Not a good combination.

‘Welcome back,’ Wylan said and was proud that his voice only shook a little bit.
‘How are you?’

‘How does it look? How would you be doing after running around in the fucking country side for ages while Ghezen is pissing from the sky,’ Richard spat and kicked off his boots.

Wylan flinched. Mud splattered on the ground. He needed to remember to clean that later.

‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered.

This game had been turned against him from the very beginning.
He stepped behind his husband anyway to take the damp coat from his shoulders and hung it up. Another thing he needed to remember to clean.

Richard sighed heavily and rubbed his face. He turned around to Wylan and smiled at him.
Wylan startled at the sudden change of emotion. He just couldn’t predict Richard. It was impossible to know what he wanted.

‘Have you missed me, dear?’ He asked, still smiling and took a step closer to Wylan.

Wylan needed all his willpower not to take a step back and actually managed to smile. Richard cupped his cheek in a mockery of gentleness.

‘Yes, of course. How couldn’t I?’ He said, a bit louder this time.
‘I’m glad you’re home safe,’ he added when Richard’s expression didn’t change.

Now his husband finally smiled back at him. He reached out and Wylan flinched back, but Richard just ruffled his hair.

‘Yes, you must have been lonely, right?’ He asked and his eyes narrowed slightly.

Wylan’s breath hitched, but he managed to nod.
‘Of course, I barely got out of the flat except for work,’ he replied and just hoped that that was the right answer.
Richard just wanted to hear that he hadn’t seen anyone else.

‘Thought so,’ his husband laughed.
‘But I’m back now. So how about you move that cute ass of yours to the kitchen and cook me a nice welcome home meal? And if you make me really happy, then we will just forget our little discussion from a week ago, yes?’

Wylan nodded and was already moving back to the kitchen.

He was thankful that Richard was giving him an easy way out, but that didn’t mean that he looked forward to it. Plus, he didn’t really have all that much food here, so he would just have to hope that whatever he was able to whip up would be enough.

As soon as he was in the kitchen, he got Richard a beer. His husband had sat down at the table and pulled Wylan down into a dry kiss as thanks. It thankfully only lasted a second.

When Wylan turned back to the stove, he resisted the urge to wipe his lips and began pulling out potatoes from under the sink.
His lips seemed to itch.
He had hated the kissing in particular since the very beginning in the church. It was way too intimate.

He took a skeptical look at the potatoes.
He normally would prefer to make something quicker when Richard was in a mood like this, but he really didn’t have much to work with. So he filled a pot with water and began peeling potatoes.

Richard had gotten comfortable in his seat and sipped his beer while watching him. Wylan wanted to tell him to stop staring.
He kept his mouth shut.

‘You can count yourself lucky, you know,’ Richard began.
‘You have this nice flat, a stove and a shower. Real luxury. You don’t even want to imagine how fucking disgusting the rest of Kerch is. And the rain. Don’t get me started.’

Wylan wanted to tell Richard about the many many times he had accompanied his father to his factories out in the countryside or the summers spent in their estate surrounded by fields.
He kept his mouth shut.

‘You know, I had a lot of time to think while tracking through all that mud and rain. It was really disgusting. Maybe one day I should take you just so you really can appreciate what you have here,’ he continued.

Wylan managed not to grimace.
Richard was already stinking enough for him to imagine exactly how the last days had been and the mud he had carried in was also evidence enough of the roads out there. But maybe it could be nice to get out of the city in the future. Even if it was with Richard.
Wylan kept his mouth shut.

‘Well, I was just thinking how much above all of this I actually am and how grateful you really can be that I put up with you. But honestly, I also thought about how good I have it with you,’ Richard said.

Wylan wanted to tell him that he was doing an awful lot of thinking for a man with a brain no bigger than a walnut and that his thoughts were about as interesting as the peeled potatoes in the pot in front of him. But Wylan wasn’t stupid.
He kept his mouth shut.

‘I mean, not many people in the Barrel have a cute husband to come back to who cooks for them and takes care of everything. I’ve started recommending getting a missus to keep the bed warm to all the other guys. I think they are getting really jealous. Was already asked a couple of times if I might consider sharing you,’ Richard said and laughed.

Wylan froze. He knew that his husband was just joking and that there was no direct threat, but you could only make a joke so many times before it became reality. He wanted to scream, to turn around and stare at Richard.
Wylan kept his mouth shut.

‘What do you think about that?’ Richard asked, his laughter suddenly dying away.

Wylan’s heart seemed to stop.
His hand, which held the salt shaker, froze as well. This was no joke anymore.
This had just gotten very dangerous and his answer would determine everything. Not just this day, but probably the whole week and depending on how serious Richard was being, maybe even his whole future.

He slowly breathed in and out before he managed to finally open his mouth.

‘I’m happy with you, Richard,’ he answered, his voice barely more than a whisper. He hated how much he trembled.
‘And I want to make you happy. I… I will do what you want, always, but I am your husband, right? I’m yours.’

His husband chuckled and pushed his chair back from the table. Wylan wanted to cringe at the sound of the scraping wood.

‘I thought so, darling. All mine. My cute husband. And such a obedient little housewife at that,’ Richard answered and Wylan could hear the smug grin on his face.
‘The potatoes are not going anywhere. They need ages anyway. Why don’t you come over here in the meantime and show me how much you want to be mine, hm?’

Wylan began nodding before the sentence was even finished.

It still took him what felt like an eternity to turn around. He hated that this wasn’t even unexpected and that he couldn’t find it in himself to actually care.

He wanted to scream and run away and vomit and go back to the workshop and talk to Jesper.
But he was here in the kitchen and he would deal with this. He could do it like he had done dozens of times before.

He didn’t manage to smile or raise his head as he approached his husband.
He came to a halt before the other man and sank to his knees between his wide spread legs after a pointed jerk of the head of his husband.

Wylan didn’t look him in the eyes while he lifted a only a little trembling hand to undo the flight of the other man’s pants.

‘Oh, look at you. Do you know how perfect you look on your knees like that. Just what you were made for,’ Richard began muttering as he pulled out his cock in front of Wylan’s face.
Wylan pressed his lips together for a brief moment. It smelled as bad as the rest of his husband. But that didn’t change anything now.
Two fingers tipped against his jaw and he obediently opened his mouth and closed his eyes.

‘You little whore, trained you so well. Probably missed this the whole week…,’ his husband continued, but Wylan slowly tuned him out until his world just became a faint humming in the distance.

As the tip of the cock entered his mouth, he loosened his jaw and throat and then just let everything fade into the background as well.

He had gotten even better at leaving his body present and functioning while his mind went far far away since his marriage.
Wylan just let his thoughts wander off and his body be manhandled. He faintly felt how a hand tangled in his hair and yanked his head forward, but he was already too far to really register it.

He internally sighed and let himself fall back into the blessed warm nothingness.
He began going over the last song he had played on his flute before his marriage and started planning how he could alter it. Music wrapped itself around him as a protective mantle.
He would come back when he had to.

A while later, Wylan sat on the floor of the kitchen and stared at the dancing dust in front of the window.

The dried tear tracks on his face felt strangely stiff. He couldn’t remember crying. He didn’t really remember anything.

He didn’t want to move ever again, but he needed to finish this meal.

Richard had said something about eating later and had disappeared into the bathroom.
It was silent again in the kitchen.

After a few deep breaths, he wiped his cheeks with his sleeve and slowly stood up. It seemed to take a lot more energy to do that than it should have.

He turned to the counter and picked up the frying pan. It was still dirty from when he made breakfast. He began to clean it. The repetitive movement helped him to find his balance and after even more deep breaths, his thoughts returned to him.
He was miserable. He wanted to cry. He felt too much. He didn’t want to go on. It was too much.

Suddenly his expression turned hard.

He wasn’t miserable when he was with Jesper or when he worked in the workshop on bombs. Then he actually felt like a person. Then he was Wylan. Not van Eck or Gendill, just Wylan.
And that was his. He wouldn’t let Richard take that from him.

It may be stupid and it would be unnecessarily dangerous and if his husband ever found out, he would be as good as dead, but if he could get the chance, he would work with the Dregs again.
He would see Jesper. He would become friends with the other Crows.
He would go and work with his hands and make his own money.
And one day he would have enough to get a ship away from Kerch to a place where neither Richard nor his father could ever find him.

Wylan smiled grimly.

He would make this choice. It was his life and father and Richard could control it.

He wouldn’t let them.

Chapter Text

Nina sat leaned back on one of the chairs at the bar of the Crow Club.

It was late morning so the club was still closed and they could hold their little meeting here instead in that dreadful room that Kaz called an office.
She very much appreciated not needing to climb those stairs and not needing to battle Jesper for the comfortable armchair in the corner.

She and Matthias had been a bit early for a change and so right now it was just them and a brooding Kaz in the corner who had yet to say anything but a short greeting.
Matthias wasn’t very talkative either and just stared at the mug of tea in his hands.

Nina had tea as well, but it was still too hot to drink.
She also had been lucky enough to find a street vendor who sold poffertjes at breakfast time. So she now happily nipped on her portion of butter drenched sweet goodness. She had eaten Matthias’ as well.

She wasn’t really looking forward to this job.
The last one was only a week in the past and she rather have some free time. But good money was good money and Kaz had been very insistent that they would need her for this.
So she sat here at a Ghezen cursed hour and was being bored back to sleep. She might start annoying Kaz in a minute if nothing happened until then.

Right when she popped the last mini pancake in her mouth the door opened.
In sauntered Jesper with a big grin and terrible dark circles below his eyes. Nina was nearly a hundred percent certain that he hadn’t slept in at least a day, probably longer. He tipped the brim of his head.

‘A wonderful good morning everyone,’ he said and plopped down on one of the now empty gambling tables.
‘What? Inej is still missing? Ladies and gentlemen and everything in between, this a historic moment. I am more on time than Inej Ghafa herself!’

Kaz cleared his throat.
‘Actually, she has been working since six this morning. She is more one time than any of us,’ he said and went straight back to brooding.
Nina grinned at that. Kaz sometimes really was a bit ridiculous in his protectiveness.

‘Well, I for one have been sitting here for ages half bored to death because none of these idiots want to make conversation,’ she said and tested her tea. Still too hot.

‘We can’t have that,’ Jesper exclaimed.
‘Why don’t we just start? Inej probably knows the job better than you do, right Kaz?’

‘We are still waiting for someone,’ their boss just said while scanning a document in his hand.

Nina sat up straighter at that.
Normally when some of the other Dregs were joining them they would just be briefed on what concerned them. And these days it had actually gotten quite rare that they worked with more people than just the five of them.

She could hear Jesper’s heartbeat pick up, but he didn’t say anything.
Nina could guess who he hoped would be joining them. The gunslinger hadn’t stopped talking about the demolition boy since the start of the last job.

She was quite curious to meet him herself. She got very different pictures of him based on how Jesper or Inej talked about him and what she had seen of the bombs. They had actually been very helpful.

Like he had been summoned she picked up a new heartbeat in the club.
It took Nina a moment to recognize it. It was only Inej’s. She had entered through a window in the room behind the bar.
Nina turned and smiled as Inej soundlessly came through the door.
She smiled back.

‘Good morning,’ she said and Jesper and Mathias looked over as well and greeted her.
Kaz of course had spotted her the moment she had entered the room.

Inej naturally was completely decked out in gear but looked more rested than all of them even though she probably had been up all night and then started her day in the early hours of the morning. One day she would have to tell Nina her secret.

Nina picked up an unfamiliar heartbeat seconds before they all heard a knock on the door.
The beat was light and nervous and sped up the closer it came.
Then came the knock and a moment later a door at the back of the club opened. The first thing she saw was a freckled nose followed by a wild mop of copper hair.
A boy ducked through the door and raised his head slightly.

Jesper’s heartbeat exploded.

‘Wylan!,’ he exclaimed and jumped up.
‘Nobody told me that you were coming! Oh, this is great. Didn’t I tell you? Your bombs were great! They really helped. And look, the others agree. But anyway, sit down. How are you? Do you want something to drink?’

Nina grinned and turned to Inej. The other woman’s expression didn’t change much, but her eyebrow raised slightly and her lips twitched upward.

Now that Wylan had fully entered the room she could get a proper look at him.
He was a lot taller than he had first seemed and his eyes were bright and flicked through the whole room. He actually was more of a man than a boy now that he got a look at his face.
He was wearing a coat that was too big for him, but the shirt underneath was a pristine white. His hands were twisted into the leather strap of his satchel.
His eyes were now fixed on Jesper and she could see a slight smile on his lips. His heartbeat had calmed down since Jesper had started talking. How cute.

The next thing she noticed was the ring on Wylan’s hand.
A modest gold band. On the ring finger.
She blinked. She took another look. No, that was a wedding ring. No doubt.

Oh Jesper, what had that idiot gotten himself into? A married man?

Wylan had declined the drink and now sat at the very etch of one of the chairs closest to Jesper.

‘Now that finally everyone is here, we can start,’ Kaz said and brushed back his hair.
Nina hadn’t taken her eyes off Wylan and noticed that the boy tensed up at these words. He probably hadn’t intended to be late.

‘Wylan, for you this information will be relevant as well. I need your expertise on what explosives to use,’ he said and slowly walked to the middle of the room.
Wylan sat up straighter and nodded.

Kaz began laying out the details and Nina had to confess that she was only half listening.
But when she looked around she could see that Inej was busy cleaning her knives and Jesper was very blatantly staring at Wylan and smiling.
The only ones actually listening were Matthias and Wylan.

Well, the job didn’t seem to be much different from so many others they had done before.
Kidnap person, interrogate person, use information for some blackmail. She could already guess that the interrogating would be her job. So she knew what she had to do.

If she was being honest the most interesting thing about all of this was finally getting to the end and being able to talk to Jesper.
She had so many questions! And she couldn’t believe that he had told her so little!
The only things she had heard about Wylan so far were that he was good with chemistry and had beautiful hair, eyes, face, hands, smile, laugh, ideas and pretty much everything else. Jesper talked a lot when the day was long.

She could now see where Jesper’s attraction came from. Both men had a certain energy about them, that may seem very different but kind of matched each other.

Kaz continued his speech supplemented by some additions from Inej here and there. Matthias had taken a step closer to her and had slung his arm around her waist.
She leaned back at him while she listened with half an ear.

It took her a few moments to realise when Kaz had stopped talking and all eyes turned to Wylan. Of course, Jesper’s eyes had been there the whole time.

Wylan coughed awkwardly and his hands twisted into one another.

‘Well, I think you will need a much more powerful bomb than the phosphorus ones I made last time,’ he began.
After that, he began with a lot of chemistry jargon that she should probably recognize from her training in the little palace, but she never really had liked that anyway. There had been a lot more interesting things to learn back then.

She instead noticed that Wylan had shrugged off his coat that now hung from the back of his chair. This had revealed the rest of his outfit which looked very proper for a Barrel rat. Waistcoat and all.

But what caught her eye even more was Wylan’s neck.
Now that it wasn’t concealed by the collar of the coat she was pretty sure that she could make out a ring of bruises there. Not an uncommon injury here in the Barrel.
The boy had probably gotten slammed against a wall by his throat by a bandit or something. But it really didn’t look too pleasant.

Now that she was looking, she also noticed other injuries. All of them relatively fresh.
A slight darkening on his cheekbone, scratched up palms, an unsteadiness while standing. Sunken eyes and hunched shoulders. He looked very very tired.

Somebody really had messed this kid up.
But Kaz would take care of that, right? He had always been protective of his employees. That didn’t exclude non Dregs.

Still, the extent of the injuries was concerning.

Matthias must have felt her tense up because he carefully began massaging her shoulders.
She smiled up at him. She loved this man.

Thankfully their discussion wrapped up soon.

As she had guessed, the job was very straightforward with the exception of the special bombs they needed.

Kaz left to attend to some more urgent business, probably more brooding and Inej also bid her goodbyes.
Nina would need to remind her not to forget to take some breaks and actually spend some time with her friends. It had been too long since the two of them had gotten a coffee together.

She turned from looking after her friends to Jesper ushering Wylan over to them.

‘I want to introduce you to Nina and Matthias,’ he said and grinned.
‘I think I already told you a bit about them, right?’

Nina laughed before Wylan could reply.
‘Oh, I’m sure. With how much he is talking there is no way that he hasn’t at least mentioned us,’ she said.
‘And nice to meet you, Wylan. Like he said, I’m Nina. This is my husband Matthias. Jesper told us a lot about you.’

Jesper blushed and started objecting, but was interrupted by Wylan.

‘Pleased to meet you as well. I look forward to our partnership.’
He bowed his head a bit and smiled tightly. He all of a sudden was very stiff again.

‘Oh, no worries,’ Nina answered.
‘Your bombs last time were great.’

Matthias nodded in agreement but didn’t say anything.

‘I’m glad that they fulfilled their purpose,’ the boy answered, but still didn’t sound relaxed at all.

‘Well, you can’t be part of this group without eventually becoming friends with at least some of us,’ Nina said.
‘So we will probably see more from each other soon.’

‘That’s what I told you,’ Jesper said and grinned even more.
‘Don’t worry. We all don’t bite. Well, Kaz might. But you could expect that.’

‘Why don’t we go for lunch together?’ She suggested.
‘We should celebrate Kaz’s willingness to open up to new people. We won’t see that very soon again.’

‘Oh, yes!’ Jesper exclaimed.
‘I heard the cafe down the road just started serving this maying herring. It’s supposed to be life changing!’

Wylan looked down and cleared his throat.
‘I’m very sorry, but I don’t think I can come. I need to get home. I’m very sorry,’ he said and shrunk a bit.

Nina saw Jesper visibly deflate at the answer, but he didn’t voice this disappointment.

‘That’s no problem. Wylan,’ he instead answered.
‘Maybe another time.’

‘Yes,’ Nina agreed and listened to Wylan’s heart relax again.
‘Before you go, would you like me to take care of your injuries maybe?’

Wylan’s head snapped up and his heartbeat shot up as well. He stared at her.
It was the first time that he had looked her in the face.

‘I don’t know if Jesper has told you this, but I’m a heartrender. I can heal you up a bit. Those bruises look nasty.’

Jesper looked at Wylan with concern and surprise. She couldn’t believe that in all that staring he hadn’t noticed that there was something wrong.

‘No, no. I mean thank you. But no. Really… there is no need. No,’ Wylan stammered and took a step back.
‘It’s fine. They look worse than they are. I just fell.’

Nina couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at that. Fell?
Those were not injuries that you got from falling. And that was the laziest and oldest excuse ever.

At first, she had just thought that Wylan had had an unfortunate run-in with some thugs maybe, but why would he react this way then? His heart was absolutely racing. Maybe he was afraid that he would look weak in front of them?

‘Wow, it’s okay,’ Jesper said and raised his hands.
‘Don’t worry. None of us are mad or anything like that. Don’t worry. It was just an offer. ‘

Nina nodded.

Wylan looked back and forth between them and finally, his heart calmed down even though it was just a little bit.

‘Thank you,’ he finally got out.
‘For the offer, Miss Nina. But I have to go. I’m sorry. Don’t worry. Thank you. Goodbye, Jesper.’

With these words, he turned around and made his way to the back door.

‘Yes, we will see each other,’ Jesper called after him and waved.
Wylan waved back and smiled a little. Nina just blinked.

When Wylan had disappeared out of the club Nina stood up and dusted off her dress.

‘Well, Jesper. I think we have a lot to talk about. Let’s get some food and then I want a detailed explanation of all of this.’

-

Kaz sat in his room in the slat and read a document he had taken from his office.

The sky outside was grey and the sun was rising.
Soon he would be able to hear crows outside on the roofs of the Barrel.

He was unsure how many sunrises he had seen since he last slept.
But no, he had slept last night a bit! He remembered being annoyed because the paper in his hand had fallen to the ground and that was what had woken him. But how long had he slept then? Half an hour? An hour?
It had been enough to last him through the day at least.

He sighed and looked around.
This room was supposed to be his home, but he wasn’t sure when he last had been in here.

He couldn’t really remember the last time he actually had slept in his bed here instead of just staying in his office chair. Or when he had slept in a bed at all.
It had been a long time. Inej was bugging him about it for days now so it at least had been a week.

But maybe he needed a night of actual sleep. Well, now a day of sleep.
That was at least what Inej kept telling him. Apparently, he seemed “even more stressed than usual” according to her words. But she was always telling him these things and he was still fine.

He sighed.

Inej may be a bit right.
Thinking had become had bit hard in the last two days. He couldn’t have that. He needed his brain to work properly when his leg couldn’t and he had a criminal empire to run.
Mentioning his leg, it had also been complaining a lot more recently. He had been on his feet a lot lately.

Kaz sighed for the thousand time this day and brushed his hair out of his face. He kicked off his boots and opened the first button of his shirt.

He was already here. Might as well use the early morning where nothing happens anyway and catch a few hours of shuteye.

There was just too much to worry about. There always was, but it had been a lot more since a month or so.
Everything had just been more recently. More work, more worries, more papers, more hours awake, more jobs, more problems, more opportunities, more money, more danger, more hurt, more members.

Especially that merchling.

He had honestly not believed Inej when she climbed through his window after their meeting and Jesper’s suggestion and told him that the boy Jesper wanted to hire was none other than Wylan van Eck.

According to his normally very reliable sources, the son of Jan van Eck had departed from Ketterdam months ago to go and study at the king’s university in Ravka.
He hadn’t spent too much time on that matter. Wylan van Eck never really had been all that interesting of a character in the grand scheme of things, at least not compared to his father and all the other businessmen of Ketterdam.

Instead of being in a far away university Wylan van Eck now lived in the Barrel with his husband.
Could it get any more bizarre?

This new information did however explain some things. The sudden marriage of Richard Gendill, the rise in Razorgull profits, their new protections of the factory harbor and of course the appearance of an awkward, unfamiliar and mysterious demolitionist.

He was still angry with himself that he managed to miss a whole wedding between a gang member and a van Eck, but the priest and servants must have been really well paid and probably only a handful had known of it at all. It made sense that none of his informations had made it into this circle.
It still had been a very important gap in his knowledge.

Maybe even more unbelievable was that Jesper just had stumbled over the merchling, had become friends with him and never questioned why some supposed little street rat had extensive knowledge of chemistry and probably other sciences and arts.
Jesper really had the strangest kind of luck.

To be honest, Kaz hadn’t expected anything to come from hiring the boy.
He had already planned with the bombs not working and the acid being completely useless, but he had been positively surprised. Wylan van Eck had delivered decent products and that for a fraction of the price, Kaz would usually be paying.

Thankfully the panic that had oozed from the boy during their first few interactions had damped quite a bit and now he was actually able to talk to van Eck without him nearly fainting. He had proven himself to be quite useful.

The actual reason for hiring Wylan van Eck had of course been all the potential that his hidden identity brought with it.

The merchling had immense value as a hostage and a blackmail device. Kaz hadn’t decided yet how exactly he was going to use this new secret weapon of his, but he had a couple of ideas brewing in the back of his mind.
It would certainly be interesting.
And if he was getting cheap and good bombs out of it as well he wouldn’t complain.

Kaz shook his head slightly and found that he had stopped reading the document in front of him.

His thoughts were too caught up with van Eck lately. Oh, Ghezen, he was turning into Jesper who seemed not to be able to talk of anything else but Wylan in the last few weeks.

All the potential the boy symbolized was just too fascinating.

He had had a plan to rob the personal save of van Eck for quite some time now and with the knowledge of the boy it might finally be time for it. That was at least one of the many plans he had.

But it wasn’t only his lofty plans for the future that his thoughts drifted to van Eck every now and then.

Inej had found out a lot when she had investigated him before hiring him.
One of these things had been that Richard Gendill wasn’t a very nice fellow and that Wylan van Eck hadn’t really consented to this marriage.
These findings had only proven themselves more when for the last two jobs they had planned together with van Eck the boy had turned up obviously injured and on one occasion limping. He had been good at hiding it, but Kaz had noticed.
Inej of course had been the first to see it, but he would expect nothing less from her.

Jesper seemed to worry as well and on one occasion Nina had offered to heal the boy.
He wasn’t sure if the two suspected something because Wylan van Eck sure hadn’t told them anything.
The Barrel was a dangerous place and people got hurt, often just on accident, so seeing a handprint on somebody’s arm or a black eye wasn’t uncommon. This was probably also what Wylan had been telling them, but Jesper a least suspected the truth of that Kaz was sure.

Well, this wasn’t really his problem.
Even though he would of course step in if the boy was in mortal danger. He wouldn’t let it be said that he didn’t care if his employees died.

It was still worrying, but there was nothing he could do without risking an outright gang war. But maybe a way would open itself or Wylan van Eck would sort it himself.

Maybe he should tell Inej to have a bit of a closer eye on him.
But he was probably already doing that in secret. She worried.

Kaz's slight smile fell from his lips as he turned back to the document.

That was enough worrying for today. He had actual work to do and some sleep to catch.

And tomorrow he would go over a potential van Eck break-in with Inej.
Maybe that would be a good first use of their special weapon.

And then they would see if had made a good investment with that boy.

-

Matthias wasn’t sure what to make of the boy with the orange hair that suddenly had appeared at Jesper’s side.

When they had told him that they had found a new demolitionist he had imagined a man like Raske and that image had continued even when Jesper couldn’t shut up about this Wylan. What did he know about Jesper’s tastes in romantic partners?

He hadn’t believed Nina’s description of the new demo man until he saw him himself for the first time.
A stocky boy almost as tall as Jesper who always kept his head down and dressed like he belonged in the university instead of the dirty streets of the Barrel.

Matthias still wasn’t sure how this boy had managed to survive this long in this part of the city. He didn’t look like someone who could defend themselves if he was jumped. He of course retracted that statement after he had seen what damage the bombs that came from this boy’s hands could do.

He was still a peculiar person and Matthias watched him even though they had never really spoken and Wylan seemed to be as confused with him as Matthias was with him.

The most he knew about Wylan Gendill came from Nina.
She didn’t know much more, but she apparently worried about him and it was true, the boy was nearly always injured.
But differently than Nina, he didn’t suspect some grand conspiracy or danger. People like Wylan got hurt in the Barrel. It was barbaric and unjust, but it was the truth.

When things like these happened he wished himself back to Fierda. A university student wouldn’t have to worry about his safety in the capital there.

Matthias sighed and carried a coffee over to Nina.

She was sitting at the makeshift bar of the slat and dangled her legs.
Her hair curled behind her and he wanted to run his finger through it or bury his nose in the probably heavenly smelling softness. But then Jesper would tease them and Matthias would get red and then Nina would tease him as well.
So he restrained himself and just handed his wife her coffee.
She was talking to Jesper at the moment but smiled warmly at him when he handed her her cup. He himself then sat down next to her.

Most of the other Dregs were either sleeping or already out and getting work done so they were alone in the common room.

Matthias wasn’t quite sure what the purpose of this meeting was since it was afternoon and Kaz was nowhere to be found, but he had to admit that it was nice to just sit and drink something and listen to Nina’s conversations.
Even if all their friends were criminals.

Wylan was here as well but had disappeared together with Inej who had joined them a few moments ago.

‘And then it went BOOM,’ Jesper said and gestured wildly, obviously recounting the events of their last job to Nina who had been occupied with a different part of the plan and hadn’t witnessed any of Wylan’s bombs.

Matthias didn’t point out that he already told all of this to Nina before or that close to 90% of all of Jesper’s conversations lately had been about their new demo man.
Nina would probably say something to the account that Jesper was a better storyteller and elbow him.

‘You know, his bombs look so cool I think. Especially the phosphorus ones. They all have like this cool blue smoke,’ Jesper continued.

Matthias nodded slightly.
It was true that Wylan’s bombs were different from the ones he had seen until now in this country and the blue smoke had felt more like a spectacle than a deadly weapon. But who knew what that boy was putting into them.
As long as they worked he didn’t care.

Speaking of Wylan, he and Inej entered the room again with Wylan clutching something in his hands.

Jesper immediately stopped his story and grinned at Wylan. Matthias watched as Inej and Nina’s eyes met and Inej smiled conspiratorially.

He now took a closer look at what Wylan was holding. It seemed to be a stick maybe?

‘Oh, did you get a present?’ Jesper asked and Wylan ducked his head and smiled.
He held his hand with the stick out for inspection. It was a flute.

‘It is pretty busted, but I found it on the top shelf in the back. Somebody must have left it,’ Inej said.
‘And I remember that Jesper had told me that you like to play it so I thought I show it to you.’

Wylan now also smiled at Inej.
‘Thank you again. But you are right. It’s not in great condition or anything. But I think I can still play it even if it doesn’t sound great. I haven’t played for months.’

‘Then we must ask you for a little concert,’ Jesper said and Nina next to him nodded.

Matthias was a bit less enthusiastic but didn’t dare to object. What the people of the Barrel called music was drunken screamed profanity at the best.
He missed the ballades that his father had sung in the cold winter months.

Wylan blushed, but slowly nodded and raised the flute to his lips.

The note that emerged was a bit breathy and it was easy to tell that this flute was nothing like the ones played in the parlours of the more fancy clubs.
It was still a pretty sound.

Wylan began to play a soft melody that jumped from note to note and reminded Matthias of the way birds sang in the first days of spring. It was playful but shy.

His gaze wandered over to Nina, Jesper and Inej who were all listening intently.
Jesper’s eyes were fixed on Wylan like he was a statue or a work of art. His eyes shined and his lips were slightly parted. In any other situation, Matthias would have told them to get a room.
He wasn’t sure how Wylan tolerated this. Wasn’t he married? But that wasn’t his business and as long as it didn’t interfere with their work then he wouldn’t bring it up.

More interesting was how Wylan himself reacted to the music.
He suddenly stood straighter, his head was raised and his eyes shined just like Jesper’s did.
Matthias had heard of people who were “made for music” and “bloomed like a flower when they played”. He had never really wasted much thought on these ideas, but now he could see that they were absolutely true.
Wylan’s bombs may be good, but this was where his heart lay.

Wylan continued playing and his music gained strength with every minute despite the faulty instrument.
Jesper continued to look at Wylan as if he were a siren about to drag him to the bottom of the sea.

No matter how beautiful the song was Matthias found himself losing interest.
He wasn’t really a person with an ear for music.

So he squeezed Nina’s shoulder and stood up. He walked outside and hoped that he hadn’t interrupted Wylan’s song.

The air outside was unusually warm for the time of year.
Nina would say that he thought that every weather was warm and he would tell her that it was ridiculous what people here thought was cold.

He enjoyed a few quiet minutes outside.
The streets around the Slat weren’t busy most of the time and especially in the afternoon people either worked or flocked to the populated market streets.

He startled a bit when he caught a silhouette approaching him from the corner of his eye.
He relaxed when he recognized Inej. She halted next to him and looked up the street like he had been doing before she had appeared.

Matthias cleared his throat after a minute of them just standing next to each other.

‘Kaz wants you to go to the council building tomorrow and request a list of the guard services the merchants employ there,’ she said. Straight to the point then.

‘We need an updated list. Ours are too old,’ she continued.
‘You will pose as a security manager of the Fjerda embassy. Their building is very close to the merchant's district so your request will make sense.’

Inej now turned to him and held out a bag.
‘There are clothes in here that will make the whole spiel believable. There are also some papers should they request proof of your identity.’

Matthias nodded and took the bag from Inej.

‘Anything else I should have an eye on?’ He asked.
It really was a bit shocking how easily these things now came to him.

‘Have an eye on any other Fjerdans that might be there. Just to make sure that no one else from the embassy exposes you. And listen to what they say. Bored office workers gossip,’ she said and he nodded.

‘As long as I don’t have to gossip myself.’

‘You can be yourself. You very much fit the stereotype of a Fjerdan representative,’ Inej answered with a smile.
‘Tell me if you need any more assistance.’

‘I will report to you tomorrow evening,’ Matthias just said.

Inej looked him up and down once, nodded and then vanished within a second. Like a shadow.

Matthias looked down at the bag in his hand and sighed. More crime it was.

May Djel help him.

Chapter Text

Jesper had started grinning before the door had even swung open all the way.

The workshop in the abandoned alley had gotten quite familiar to him since Wylan had started occupying it and he always looked forward to visiting it.

Wylan looked up from his work and smiled at him as Jesper entered.
He of course returned the smile.

‘Hi, Jesper,’ Wylan said and turned back to his work.
‘You can have my full attention in a minute or two, okay? I need to finish this before it decides to do something drastic, react, and then blow up in our faces.’

‘Oh, yeah. We can’t have that. Don’t worry. I’m just gonna wait here. Take your time,’ he answered and sat down on one of the chairs that Wylan had pushed up to the wall of the room.

‘Oh, if you want to can grab the paper bag over there,’ Wylan called over his shoulder.
‘I thought that you come today so I got us some lunch. You can start if you want.’

Jesper reached over and opened the paper bag that lay on a table next to him.
It was filled with sweet rolls and next to it were two wrapped meat skewers.
He smiled as a warm feeling spread inside him.

‘Aw, Wylan, you shouldn’t have,’ he said.
‘And I’m of course gonna wait for you. I won’t just eat your food without you. Oh, and how did you know I would be coming? Did you miss me?’

Wylan laughed. It was a sound like morning dew on flower petals.

‘Yes, of course. How couldn’t I?’
Wylan laughed and even though he was still bent over his work Jesper was sure that he could see his eyes twinkle.
‘And I knew that you would be coming because you were here yesterday and the day before yesterday and the day before that and all the days I’ve been here since I started working on this.’

Jesper laughed as well.
‘Yes, I might have become a bit too predictable, haven’t I?’

‘Oh no, I like it. Gives me something I can expect and a plan and all that. Plus, I like it when you are here,’ Wylan said casually.
His attention was obviously still captured by the powders in front of him, but the offhand comment still made Jesper blush.

‘Well, good thing I came then. But I will have to insist on upholding my mysterious air a bit more in the future,’ he replied.
‘What are you working on?’

‘Oh, just some phosphorus bombs. I have made them so often now that it’s not really hard anymore. And I thought they are always useful so it’s good to have some at hand just to be sure,’ Wylan said.

‘That are the cool blue ones, right?’ Jesper asked.
He liked using those. They were so Wylan in a way and they just looked so cool.

‘Yes, but remember not to breathe in the smoke, okay? No matter how cool it looks. That stuff is so so poisonous,’ Wylan said while slowly mixing two powders.

‘Yeah, got it. I still don’t understand how you can just work with these things and be so chill about it. That stuff could eat your face off.’

‘It’s all a calculated risk,’ Wylan replied while continuing with the work before him.
‘I made something else yesterday that I thought you might think is cool. It’s over there.’

Jesper stood up and walked over to the shelf that Wylan had indicated with a nod of the head since his hands were occupied. On there were a few small black bombs. They didn’t really look like much.

‘Mhhm, I think you gonna have to explain this to me,’ Jesper said after a second of starring at them.

‘Those are filled with Dicyanoacetylene.’

Jesper laughed.
‘What? Is that a real word?’

‘Yes, and it means that those little things burn hot enough to burn a person or a building if that is what you want,’ Wylan said nonchalant, still not looking over to Jesper.

Jesper yelped and took two quick steps away from the shelf.

‘Don’t worry. It’s not like they are going to explode any second. I know how to make safe explosives. Well, safe for you,’ Wylan said and giggled.

Jesper just stared at him for a second.
‘What happened to “I don’t want anyone to get hurt”? I’m not judging, I’m just curious.’

Wylan suddenly turned to him his expression serious.
‘I still don’t want anyone to get hurt, but…but I have realized the necessity of hurting people sometimes. There are people who deserve things like that.’

‘Wow, cold,’ Jesper answered and nodded.
‘But you are absolutely correct. Innocents should never be hurt, but there are sometimes people who aren’t innocent.’

Wylan smiled tightly at him.
‘Yes, I know that.’

‘Wow, that’s honestly kind of hot,’ Jesper said and shallowed.
He meant it. This was a new side of Wylan but certainly not an unwelcome one.

‘You sound like you have someone specific in mind. Again, no judgment, but I’m here if you want to share,’ Jesper continued and walked back to his seat.
‘And I am always at your service if you need someone to be shot or blown up if you give me the correct bombs.’

He should have expected Wylan to have a side like this as well.
It was hard to live in the Barrel and not have someone to blame for the one or other misfortune.
Jesper could name at least eight people from the top of his head who he wouldn’t mind seeing hurt for what they had done to him or his friends. It was only natural that Wylan was the same and it was good that he could admit it.

‘Yes, there are people, but that’s not important. Everyone as ones like that,’ Wylan said and turned back to his bombs.
‘I also understand that you sometimes have to use force to stay safe and unharmed yourself. So if these bombs keep you from dying then it is okay if they burn someone else. Even though I of course wish that we didn’t have to hurt anyone to stay safe ourselves. Violence should always be a last resort.’

‘True words,’ Jesper remarked and leaned back.
‘You’re starting to sound like Inej. You know, all-wise and experienced.’

Wylan laughed and pulled the gloves from his hands. He turned around and smiled at Jesper.

‘Well, better her than turning into Kaz Brekker, right?’ He said and sat down next to Jesper.
‘I don’t think you or the Barrel would survive two of him walking around.’

Jesper giggled.
‘Jep and I’m pretty sure they would battle each other to the death and lay waste to all of Ketterdam in the process.’

‘That is true. I don’t think he could stand himself. Too similar and all. We would need an army of Inejs to hold them back.’

Jesper laughed again and opened the bag of rolls while Wylan unwrapped the cold skewers.
Wylan took a roll when Jesper offered him the bag and quietly began eating it. Jesper took one as well.

‘Thank you for the food again,’ he said and Wylan with a full mouth smiled at him and made a dismissive gesture.

They sat next to each other just silently eating and Jesper found himself staring at Wylan once more.
The other man looked happy and even relaxed. He had never been like that when they had first talked in the gambling den or even during their first job together.
If he thought about it Wylan had only really started to relax in the last week or so.
Maybe when they had gotten food one night? Had that been the first time he had seen Wylan relaxed? He wasn’t sure anymore. But he knew that he liked seeing Wylan like this.

His eyes halted at the collar of Wylan’s shirt.
It had shifted to the side and now exposed most of his collarbone and right shoulder. It would have been quite the sexy picture if it weren’t for the bruise Jesper spotted there.
The shoulder was a light yellow with a few green patches. It was an old bruise that had been healing for a while.

Jesper frowned at the sight.
That was another thing. Until now Wylan had never relaxed and he was almost always injured. Jesper had rationalized this over and over again and had told himself that the Barrel was dangerous and especially when you worked in a club you got hurt every now and then.

But now Wylan’s voice echoed in his head, “Yes, there are people”.
There were people who were hurting Wylan, right? And Jesper had the sneaking suspicion that he already had an idea who it could be. But he shouldn’t just assume.
And was it his business anyway?

He opened his mouth to say something or maybe ask a question, but then Wylan absentmindedly pulled the shirt back into place and the moment was gone.

Jesper hesitated.
Wylan was happy right now and he didn’t want to destroy that. Especially if his suspicions were correct and this was one of the few places Wylan was safe.
He should keep it that way.

He would ask another time when the moment was right and they had time to talk.

‘So, what do you have planned for today?’ Wylan’s voice distrusted Jesper's thoughts.
‘What horrible task of the devil has Kaz Brekker assigned you?’

‘Oh, you don’t even want to know,’ Jesper laughed.

Who was he kidding?
Of course, he wanted Wylan to be happy and relaxed in this moment, but he was mainly just too selfish to disrupt such a perfect atmosphere.
In moments like these, the bees underneath his skin were quiet, he felt warm and happy and his thoughts settled for once. No, he wanted to keep it this way as long as possible.

He would find out one day and then he would figure out how to help Wylan, but that day was not today.

-

The street was slick beneath Wylan’s feet as he walked through the Barrel avoiding the puddles as best as he could.

The sky was already dark even though it wasn’t even seven bells yet and the streets were still relatively empty. The tourist would crawl out of their hiding spots in the hotels in an hour or so.

Similarly to the tourist Wylan was heading to a club, the Crow Club to be exact.
They were having a meeting.

Richard thankfully hadn’t been home when Wylan left so he had been able to avoid the questions on why he was going to work so early. His shift didn’t start for another two hours.

Richard now had been back for a little over a month and his time alone seemed like a far of dream.

It hadn’t been too bad, but it hadn’t been great either.
Especially when Richard found out that he skipped work that one night to go out with Jesper. The last part he thankfully didn’t know or Wylan would be dead.
This way he had just been yelled at and beaten for a few hours, but what was new?

He sighed and resisted the urge to rub his side.
It was pretty badly bruised from when his husband had kicked him two days ago. The ached in other places as well, but he didn’t want to think about that.

He was going to see his friends.
And yes, he considered them his friends and they considered him theirs! He didn’t care how many times he had to repeat that sentence until he believed it.
It was the truth and Jesper had assured him of that.

In some aspects the last month had actually been quite nice.
He had stuck to his resolve and had worked with the Dregs on two more occasions soon three and he also had worked on creating a base inventory of bombs for the Dregs.
He got to see Jesper every now and then. He sometimes waited for him before work in the Golden Seagull and they would talk for a few minutes and once they had even sat at the harbor for hours and had dangled their legs while Richard was out for the day.
The best had been while Wylan had worked on the base stock and Jesper had come every day to talk and sometimes have lunch.

Jesper still made Wylan laugh and he found himself only smiling when he was with him.
The hours spent together rushed by and often didn’t feel real when he then came back to the Golden Seagull or the tiny flat with his angry husband.

Sometimes he even liked to imagine that their meetings weren’t just friendly.
He had never been on a date, but he imagined that that was how they would be. Talking for hours and hours and laughing and eating together.

He of course knew that those ideas were just fantasies, but maybe if it hadn’t been different then it could have been reality.
A world where he had run away from home, started working as a chemist in the Barrel and met Jesper by chance on the street.

Wylan shook his head. He was married.
It was a nice thought and it sometimes made his days easier, but it didn’t help him at all. Especially not now when he should be focusing on the new job and getting to work on time.

The Crow club had appeared at the end of the street and Wylan picked up his pace.
He again found himself looking forward to seeing Jesper, but also the others.

He wasn’t as close to them as to Jesper of course, but he had grown fond of them in the last few weeks.
He was naturally still scared of Kaz, but he was sure that the others were as well at least a little bit. Except Inej of course.

She overall seemed to be the exception to pretty much everything he had learned about the Barrel.
A devoted believer, a fiercely loyal friend, a moral advisor, and just a calm centre point. And apparently the only person Kaz Brekker liked.
He hadn’t gotten to know Inej too well yet just because she was very busy pretty much always, but Jesper had told him a lot about her and the interactions that they had had were always pleasant.

He had spent some time with Nina though who was a very friendly person, but she kind of put Wylan a bit off balance.
She was just so direct and open. But never mean or unjust. Maybe it was also the fact that she could read his heartbeat that put him a bit on edge.

Her husband though was a complete mystery to him.
Wylan wasn’t even sure that he had ever talked to Matthias more than a simple greeting. But the other man didn’t seem to talk much to anybody except his wife so Wylan wasn’t too anxious about that.
He was just quite sure that Matthias hated him.

Wylan pushed open the door to the Crow Club and made their way to the stairs.
He had gotten quite familiar with the layout of the place in the last few weeks and most people who worked here now recognized him as someone who was allowed to be here.

When he had entered the club for the first time on his own he had gotten yelled at. Thankfully Nina had saved him and even made the person apologise.
That had been pretty nice of her.

This time he made it up the stairs and to Kaz's office without any interruptions and without getting lost.
He hesitated a moment before knocking.

He wasn’t early, but what if he was the first here? He really didn’t want to be on his own with Kaz Brekker. A part of him still couldn’t believe that he was still alive after one on one time with Dirtyhands.
He had maybe delivered adequate bombs until now, but he had fucked up in other ways and Brekker hadn’t even slapped him up the head or something.

Wylan finally got the courage up to knock.
Kaz's voice called him in a moment later. Wylan carefully pushed the door open and sighed in relief as the saw Inej leaning against the wall opposite him.
Matthias was also here and was leaned over the desk. Nina was nowhere to be seen. Wylan blinked. He was pretty sure that he had never seen Matthias outside of the company of Nina. It seemed kind of wrong to have him here all on his own.

Wylan greeted them.
Inej smiled at him while Kaz and Matthias only nodded.

He sat down on a chair in the corner and put his satchel on his knees.
It kept his legs from bouncing too badly.

He bit his lip while watching the others lean over several documents and plans that they discussed with lowered voices.
He could understand the words, but he had definitely missed too much of the conversation to actually get the meaning. It was about a break-in?

He had now worked on a total of three crow jobs.
The first one had been the break-in in the bank, the next had been a sabotage of a rival gang who had threatened them and the last one had been a smuggling operation, for that one he had just made some smoke bombs and other distractions.
Apparently this one would be a break in again.

Before he could get even more nervous about what was going on and if he was expected to participate in the discussion Jesper entered.

The door crashed into the wall next to it and made Wylan flinch.
He wanted to raise his hands to protect his ears from the sound, but his father’s training still stuck. Childish behavior like that wasn’t tolerated in the house of van Eck. Kaz Brekker would probably be similar.

Kaz frowned at Jesper but didn’t say anything about the rude entrance.
Jesper greeted the others brightly as ever and they turned. Now he finally spotted Wylan and grinned at him.
Wylan smiled back.

‘Well, hello,’ Jesper said and sat down next to him. His legs also bounced, but he didn’t try to conceal it.
‘How are we doing? Are we excited?’

‘Yes, I think so. I think it’s a break-in again?’ Wylan answered.
‘I haven’t gotten any details yet.’

‘Oh, me neither. I most of the time don’t get all of the details like ever. At the end of the job there just happened six different things in the background that I had no idea about. I think the only ones who actually know what is going on are Kaz and Inej over there. They are like professional schemers.’

‘Yes, I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a secret world domination plan and one day we just wake up and they are the rulers of everything,’ Wylan said and giggled.
Jesper nodded enthusiastically.

They were interrupted by Nina walking in who was a bit out of breath but smiling. She went and kissed Matthias before greeting everybody else.
Kaz of course was rolling his eyes again.

‘Can we now finally start?’ He asked.

Wylan sat up straighter and the attention of the rest of the room shifted to Kaz as well.

‘For years now there has been a big interest on the market for a set of very special diamonds,’ Kaz began, hands clasped behind his back.
‘This interest has only risen in the last few years with offers up to four or five million kruge. Because of this, I have decided that it is finally worth the risk of acquiring them for one of these lucky buyers.’

Wylan saw Jesper next to him rubbing his hands together.

As a member of the troop, Jesper would get a part of this money.
Wylan would be paid according to his work, but it was still a lot of money.

With that kind of money, he would be able to get away from Kerch and buy a little house somewhere in Ravka maybe.
He would even be able to survive on that money in a new country until he got a job. That kind of money meant freedom.

He wondered what it meant to the others here.

‘These diamonds are here in the city,’ Kaz continued.
‘They are in one of the best-protected safes of the whole country, but it is not impossible to get to them.’

‘Oh, stop the drama, Kaz,’ Jesper interrupted.
‘Consider the tension successfully built. Just tell us where we breaking into.’

Kaz looked at him and sighed.

‘Tomorrow night we are breaking into the manor of Jan van Eck and his son will be our guide. Isn’t that so, Wylan?’

All air left Wylan’s lungs. 

Chapter Text

Jesper almost fell down the steps in front of the Crow Club.

He lost his balance and started stumbling, but he didn’t stop running.
He could see copper hair disappearing behind the next corner.
He couldn’t stop.

It had started raining again and the cobble street was slick with water.
Jesper didn’t stop even when his dressing shoes slid over the floor. He rounded the corner only seconds after Wylan, but the other man was already at the other end of the alley.

‘Wylan!’ He yelled.
‘Wait! Wylan, please!’

The copper mop didn’t slow down.

Jesper didn’t even feel how the rain soaked his shirt and stuck his hair to his forehead.
His whole world had narrowed down to one person and everything else around him blurred. He only knew that he needed to catch up to Wylan no matter the cost. That was all that mattered.
His lungs hurt and his breath was coming in short puffs. He didn’t know if it was because of the running or because of his panic.

‘Wait!’ He called out again as both of them ran around the next corner.
‘I just want to talk! Wylan! Wait, please!’

These words still had no effect on the other man.
Wylan basically flew down the nearly empty street and Jesper had problems keeping up despite his longer legs. He couldn’t lose sight of him. He just couldn’t.
He tried to pick up his pace again.

Jesper knew that he had fucked up the second his foot met stone underneath.

He nearly could hear his ankle twisting as it slid to the side.
He lost his balance and slowly fell backward with his arms flailing through the air. His hands gripping only empty air.
He let out a surprised yell as the ground came nearer.

The back of his head collided with the stone.
Pain exploded all throughout him and his vision blacked out for a second.

He pressed his eyes closed and when he opened them again there were white spots dancing all across his vision.
Jesper just stared up into the sky, not caring that the rain was getting into his eyes. It was as if his brain had just stopped.

He had lost him.
Wylan was gone now and who knew where he was going and if Jesper was ever going to see him again. He might have lost his last chance.
This was it. If he just had been faster.
These thoughts buried even the splitting pain in his head. He felt tears welling up in his eyes and he wasn’t sure if it was because of his pain or his regret. Probably both.

He blinked.
He should get up and check if he had a concussion or was bleeding.
Maybe he would even catch one last glimpse of Wylan. And it was dangerous to just lay on the ground in the middle of the barrel. He couldn’t get himself to move.
Why even bother?

The grey of the sky above seemed to stare back at him without any empathy.
Maybe he just stay here and never move again.

In that second a face appeared between him and the unrelenting grey.
It took him a second to recognise those light eyes and the rust-coloured locks.
He blinked again.

Wylan was looking down at him.

Tears were streaming down his face, but his brows were knitted in concern. It was as if a saint had come down from heaven surrounded by a copper hallow.

‘Jesper? Are you okay? What happened? I heard you yell. Are you hurt?’ He asked and his voice was rough as if he had been screaming.

Jesper opened his mouth to answer but no words came out. Rain fell into his mouth as he just stared at the man above him.
Was this real?

A part of him was convinced that this was one of Inej’s saints that had come down to him in the image of Wylan.
Was this real? I didn’t feel like it. Had he already thought this? He wasn’t sure.

There was no way that this was really Wylan, right?
A second ago he had still been convinced that he would never see the demolitionist again. And now he was here and had come to his rescue. That was too good to be true, right?

‘Wylan,’ he got out and nearly choked on the rain.

‘Yeah, I am here. Don’t worry. You will be okay. You just hit your head. Noting too bad,’ Wylan said and wiped Jesper’s hair out of his face.
‘Let’s sit up, okay? The street can’t be comfortable.’

Jesper slowly sat up with Wylan’s assistance and still didn’t manage anything else but stare at the other man.

‘Wylan,’ he finally was able to say. The throbbing in his head made it hard to focus.
‘Don’t go. We need to talk. Please.’

‘Yes, maybe. But not now. Now we need to get you to the Slat. It’s on the next street. Do you think you can walk?’

Jesper wanted to nod, but when he tried to whole world turned.

‘Yes,’ he mumbled instead. He slowly rose with the help of Wylan.
Now that the world was upright once more it didn’t feel too bad.

They very slowly began their way to the end of the street. Jesper wanted to talk, to ask questions, but his tongue seemed to be glued to the top of his mouth.

Suddenly there appeared another person underneath his other arm.

He didn’t even have the strength to be startled. When he looked down there was Inej who had pulled her hood into her face and didn’t look at him.

Together they carried Jesper the rest of the way to the Slat.
Later Jesper didn’t remember anything of their walk or if Wylan had ever acknowledged Inej’s appearance or if anything had been said. It didn’t really matter.

Next thing he knew he lay in his bed in the Slat with a doctor leaning over him and Wylan nowhere in sight.

-

Jesper woke up in the early morning to the crowing of the crows outside.

It took him a moment to remember how he had gotten here and what had happened. When it finally came back to him he sighed and pressed his hand to his eyes.
Well, that had been a disaster.

Jesper slowly sat up and looked around.
He found the glass of water he was looking for a second later.
It took him a moment longer to notice Inej who was perched on the windowsill and watched the crows. She turned to him.

‘Doctor says that you were lucky. You have a small wound on the back of your head but no concussion. You can work tonight,’ she said.

‘You knew, didn’t you?’ He asked, not even acknowledging her words. He couldn’t help to feel a bit betrayed.

‘Yes,’ Inej answered simply.
‘We needed to know who we were working with.’

‘And I didn’t need to know? I worked with him too.’

‘It was not my story to tell,’ she answered and turned back to the window.

Jesper felt anger bubble up in him. It was the same anger he had felt yesterday evening together with all the betrayal, the hurt, the confusion, and the disbelief.
He still wasn’t quite sure at who to direct this anger.

Yesterday his first instinct had been to yell, to demand an answer. But the moment it had taken him to process Kaz’s words had been all Wylan had needed to bolt out of the door.

Now most of the anger at Wylan was gone. Or at least it had transferred over to Inej and Kaz.
He couldn’t really blame Wylan, could he?

‘There are stories that need to be told anyways,’ he said bitterly and took a sip from the glass.

Inej looked at him with her dark piercing eyes and just shook her head.
‘Take your pain medicine and go talk to him. We see each other tonight on the roof of the merchant’s hospital,’ she said, and with and blink of an eye she was gone.
All that remained was the open window and a light breeze.

Jesper’s head sank back against the pillow. He couldn’t really believe it.

His Wylan was Wylan van Eck. The son of the richest man of Kerch. The heir of a whole empire.

Van Eck’s son was supposed to be in Ravka, no?
He was pretty sure that Kaz had mentioned something like that a couple of months ago. What had happened for a van Eck to end up in the Barrel? He couldn’t make any sense of it.

This of course now explained some things as well.
How Wylan knew so much about chemistry without being a demolitionist before. How he was able to play a musical instrument so easily. How he spoke so perfectly without the classic Barrel accent. How he seemed to know so much and at the same time so little.

Jesper actually felt a bit stupid now that he thought about it.
He had known that there was something strange about Wylan, but he had never thought that it would be this. It just seemed so far-fetched.
How could it even be true?

He also couldn’t believe that Inej and Kaz had known this whole time.
They had not only not told him, but had built a whole new scheme just to build on Wylan’s identity.
Without consulting him or Wylan! Well, that was Dirtyhands for you.

Now that he thought about it it seemed so unnecessary to spring this new information on them in the way Kaz had done.
He must have known that Wylan would freak out, right? Why had he done it?

Jesper didn’t understand anything anymore.
All of this new information had flooded his brain and he had no idea what to make of it. The pain didn’t help with the thinking either.

He was definitely still angry. Especially at Kaz. And maybe even at Wylan. Just a little bit.
Why hadn’t he told Jesper? Didn’t he trust him? They were friends, right?

Before those thoughts could go further, he stopped himself.
What would he have done if he had been in the same situation?
Wylan’s identity was very clearly a secret and Inej had only found out about it through spying. And it was not like he had told Wylan about his past, his mom, and his failed studies. Hell, Wylan didn’t even know that Jesper was Zowa! He was really no one to talk. He had as many secrets as Wylan did!

That still didn’t make him any less angry at Kaz and it also didn’t stop the sting of betrayal deep down in his stomach.
He had expected more, at least from Inej. Even Though she maybe was right. It was Wylan’s secret and not hers.

Jesper took another sip from the glass and closed his eyes.

He would have to talk to Wylan one way or another. Now that his emotions were calming down a little he had to admit that he could feel curiosity bubble up in him.
How had Wylan ended up in the Barrel? Why had he hidden his true name all this time? What was with his father and his husband?
There were so many unanswered questions.

He kind of didn’t want to talk to Wylan.
He had a feeling that there were also things he didn’t want to know the truth about.
He didn’t even know where he would find Wylan or if he even wanted to talk to Jesper. He didn’t want to risk this being their last conversation.

He sighed again, opened his eyes, and began searching for the pain meds.
It didn’t help anything.
There was a merchant to be robbed tonight.

-

In the end, he followed Inej’s advice.

He stood in front of the old warehouse dosed up with some pain pills and a whole lot of determination that was wavering with every second that he stood here.

He had followed his instincts here.
He didn’t know why Wylan would return to a place where he knew all of them could find him since he had seemed very keen to avoid all conversation yesterday, but this was the only place Jesper knew Wylan felt safe. After a metaphorical bomb like that Jesper would want to be in a place where he felt safe.

He felt a bit guilty that he was about to destroy the peace of this place for Wylan in a moment, but he knew that Inej was right.
They needed to talk. If they didn’t I would eat Jesper alive.

He very slowly raised his hand to knock on the door.
His knuckles against the wood rung out like a bell.
Jesper stopped breathing. There was no answer.

He knocked again.
It felt wrong to enter the same way he had for the last few weeks. This was Wylan’s workshop. Even if he wasn’t even here.

After the third knock there finally came an answer.
‘Yes, come in.’
It was so quiet that Jesper almost missed it. His heart jumped at the familiar voice, but this time it wasn’t in the usual excitement but in anxiety.

Jesper very very slowly pushed the door open.
The workshop lay undisturbed in front of him. There was no sigh of Wylan anywhere.

‘Hello,’ he cautiously called out.
‘It’s me. Jesper.’

There was a moment of silence before the other voice answered.
‘I am here.’

Jesper stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.
The light in the room was dim and his eyes took a moment to adjust. He looked around and finally found Wylan next to one of the shelves on the wall on the ground.
His legs were pulled to his chest and his head rested on his knees. Like this, he could have easily been confused for a sack or a small mountain of rags.
Wylan didn’t move.

Jesper approached hesitantly.
He sat down a good arm's length away from the other man. He looked at him for a moment, but Wylan remained motionless.
Jesper finally leaned his head against the wall and turned his eyes to the room.

A few minutes passed like this in silence until Wylan’s voice emerged from his knees. It was almost too quiet to hear.

‘I should have known that they knew who I am. It was stupid of me to assume that they didn’t.’

Jesper opened his mouth to reply, hesitated, and closed it again. Maybe it was better to let Wylan talk first.

‘I don’t know. I kind of forgot people even knew about it. It’s been a while since I have seen myself as a van Eck. I thought no one would ever find out. Especially not you. I never thought about what would happen if you did.’

Another moment of silence passed.

‘I am sorry for not telling you,’ Wylan said. His voice shook.
‘I didn’t want to. If I am honest I still don’t want you to know. But I can’t change it now, can I? And I understand if you hate me and never want to see me or talk to me again. I understand that. I just don’t want it to happen.’

Jesper swallowed.

‘I am a Durast,’ he said.
It just fell out of his mouth without even thinking about it.

Wylan’s head snapped up and he looked at Jesper for the first time.
His cheeks were wet with tears and his eyes big with confusion.

‘Wha,’ he began, but Jesper interrupted him.

‘All I want to say is that you are not the only one with secrets,’ he said.
‘Nobody always tells everything. And yes, I was angry in the beginning and felt betrayed. But I understand now that it wasn’t really your fault and I understand why you didn’t tell me. I would have done the same in your position.
I am still confused and also a bit hurt, but I am not angry at you. I am mostly angry at Kaz and you are probably too. With good reason, by the way. He should have never just said that like this.
Of course, I would have wished that you had told me, but now I know and that won’t change that you are my friend. I can promise you that. I want to still see you too.
I have to say that I am still very very confused and honestly very curious. I have a lot of questions and I understand that you don’t owe me answers, but I would really like to get some. I will answer anything you like in return as well.’

The silence rang loud when he closed his mouth again.
It couldn’t stop himself from squirming a bit, but he didn’t want to rush Wylan.

‘Okay, okay. I have questions now too. But yes, I suppose you deserve some answers. Okay,’ Wylan answered after another long pause and rubbed his face in an effort to wipe his tears away.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Jesper was practically glued to his lips.

‘My father and I have a bit of a difficult relationship. I wasn’t a good heir. I can’t read. I never had an interest in trade. I only excelled at music. I cried a lot. I was too emotional. I was literally nothing like he wanted his only son to be like. I think he gave up on the thought of having me as an heir many years ago.
He still found a way that I could serve a purpose in my own way. A marriage alliance with the Razorgulls. For trade and protection as well as the promise of future allyship.
That is why I am married to Richard Gendill, the second in command of the Razorgulls. That is why I live in the Barrel. That is why I work in the Golden Seagull. That is why I don’t talk about my family.
I didn’t really have any decision in this, but it is what happened and now I live with it. It isn’t too bad. I make it work. And at least I get out of the house more.
And I like working with you guys.’

Wylan took another big breath.

‘That is also another reason why I never really told you. The whole marriage was super secret. Maybe that is also why I was so surprised that Mr. Brekker knew about it.
I am pretty sure that no one else than me, my father, my husband, the servant that dressed me, the priest, and maybe the coachman know exactly what happened. I am sure that the rest of the servants got a little bonus to their paycheck that month to not mention that they never saw me leave the house and board the ship to Ravka. Or that all my things were still in my room.
Oh, well. Of course, a good part of the Razorgulls know. I bet that is how Mr. Brekker found out.
Well, if I had told you who I was and the gang found out I would have been in a lot of trouble. I am not pretending like that is an excuse for lying to you! I know I should have told you. But maybe this explained things a bit.’

Wylan let his head sink against the wall. He still hadn’t opened his eyes again.

‘You actually never lied to me,’ Jesper said quietly.
‘You told me that you are married. You just never really specified how that came to be. And we just never talked about family so it didn’t come up. It’s not like you know anything about my family. You even kind of told me that you can’t read!
I think the only thing that you told me that wasn’t true was how you learned all that chemistry, right? You had tutors?’

Wylan slowly nodded.
‘Yes, I was taught by the best since I was five. None of them could make me read of course. I don’t know, something in me is preventing me from reading. Something in me is just broken. The classes slowly stopped in the last few years. I guess my father didn’t want to waste his money on a boy that wouldn’t turn out to be anything anyway.
But yes, I was taught math, science, music, history, geography, rhetoric, ethics, trade and politics. I speak four languages and play three musical instruments.
I don’t mean to brag. I just want you to get the whole picture. No more half-trues or lies. I always liked music the best. But chemistry isn’t too bad either. It has certainly helped me a lot.’

‘Wow, that really is a lot,’ Jesper said.
He suddenly felt a bit stupid. And he qualified for the Ketterdam University!

‘I can’t say my education is that well rounded. But maybe when we are already spilling truths, not maybe people know this but I came here to Ketterdam as a university student.
I wasn’t actually born in the Barrel even when I act like I was. I dropped out after a few months. I kind of developed a thing for gambling and with that came debts. And with that came a crowd that you usually avoid as a nice and proper student. And at some point Kaz found me.
That’s how I became a crow. I haven’t looked back since. I hated studying anyway. I was very very bad at it. I like this life better,’ he said and felt a knot form in his throat.

Whenever somebody found out about what he had done with his life he got anxious. Somewhere in the back of his head was the voice of his father.
Who wouldn’t judge a young man like him throwing away all his opportunities and gifts just for some thrill and adventure?

But Wylan just laughed and opened his eyes again.
‘Looks like we both ended up in the place people expected us least to be. In the Barrel, working for Dirtyhands.’

Jesper laughed as well, relieved.
‘Yeah, what a twist of fate. I would have never thought that I would eat stroopwaffles with a merchant’s son one day.’

‘Ex-merchant’s son,’ Wylan corrected.
‘And I never thought that I would sit crying on the floor with one of the most feared people in the whole city. Life is full of surprises.’

Jesper chuckled.

They sat in silence again and Jesper just let the information of the last half hour pass through his head again. How bizarre all of this was.
A part of him still couldn’t believe any of this.

He sat up straighter and turned to face Wylan. He was suddenly gripped by determination.

‘Wylan, I want you to know something. You are my friend. You are also Inej’s and Nina’s friend. Kaz at the very least tolerates you and that is more than you can really expect from him.
That won’t change no matter what your last name is or where you are from. As long as you are our friend and are on our side we will always also be on yours. We protect our friends. Kaz protects those who work for him. We will help you. I will help you with anything if you ever need it. And if you don’t need it I will also leave you alone. Okay?
I need you to know that. I will not judge you even if twenty more shocking things come out about your past. We are friends,’ he said and he meant every word of it.

Wylan blinked at him. His mouth was slightly open. Jesper kept the eye contact.

Wylan blushed and looked back down. He cleared his throat.

‘Thank you,’ he said.
‘And you are my friend too, Jesper. Thank you for your help and I will also always be here if you ever need it. This means a lot to me. Thanks.’

Jesper nodded and leaned back against the wall.

‘Sooo, you are a Durast,’ Wylan eventually broke the silence. There was a tiny smile on his lips.

Jesper laughed awkwardly.
‘Yeah, I kind of am. Not a lot of people know that tho. My da and the crows and now you too.’

‘Why?’ Wylan asked.
‘I thought Zemini considered it a gift, right? Why would you hide it?’

‘Well, it is complicated.  I… I don’t know. Well, I… My mother died because she was a Durast,’ he got out.
He twisted his hands into each other and tried not to let the pictures rise up.

‘You don’t have to tell me more if you don’t want to,’ Wylan said.
‘But thank you for telling me that. I probably would have never guessed it by myself.’

‘Kaz knew after two days of meeting me,’ Jesper said and chuckled.
‘I am apparently not very good at hiding it. Most people just don’t look closely enough.’

Wylan nodded and silence stretched out between them again. It was a comfortable silence. Now that they had said what needed to be said the bees had gone to rest underneath his skin. He wouldn’t mind staying like this.

‘How is your head doing by the way?’ Wylan asked and looked very concerned all of a sudden.
‘You hit it pretty hard.’

‘Oh, don’t worry. I will be fine. It’s not even a concussion. I just got one hell of a headache. And thank you for saving me by the way.’

‘Oh, I just stayed with you until Inej showed up. It wasn’t a lot. But I am glad that you are doing fine,’ Wylan said.

The same silence formed again. Jesper relished it. Maybe they could just stay here on the ground forever and never have to think about things like fathers, husbands, and jobs.

Eventually, a question bubbled up in him anyway.

‘I don’t know if this is the right moment to say this, but we kind of have a break-in planned for tonight. And it might be completely based on what knowledge you have of the house.
I think everybody would understand if you don’t want to do it. It’s your father and all that. Well, Kaz would be pissed, but I am sure that Inej could talk to him or something. I don’t know. We will figure something out,’ he said.

Wylan sighed and visibly deflated.
Jesper cringed internally. He had known that he shouldn’t have mentioned it.

‘No, I want to do it,’ Wylan said.
Jesper’s eyebrows shot up. He hadn’t expected that.

‘I don’t know if you already gathered that, but I don’t have the best relationship when it comes to my father, his empire, or his wealth. I told myself that I wanted to work with you guys no matter the cost and I will do so. And honestly, it might be quite nice to get back at him. You know, for marrying me to a stranger? And he has enough money already. It’s better if it goes to you guys.’

‘Wow,’ Jesper just said.
‘You are so cool, you know that? And I don’t know if that is something good, but Kaz would be so proud of you.’

Wylan laughed and shook his head.
The sound filled Jesper with warmth and the last fears that he would lose Wylan vanished.

He would need to thank Inej later. Talking had been the right thing to do.
Who could have guessed?

Jesper pushed himself up on the wall and turned to Wylan. He offered him his hand and pulled the other man to his feet as well. Their hands remained clasped in each other for a moment until Jesper blushed and let go.

Wylan cleared his throat again.
‘So, enough crying. How about I buy us some nice and hot kibbeling and then we go and rob my father.’

-

All eyes immediately snapped to Wylan when he and Jesper entered the rooftop.
Nina had her mouth already open, but Jesper silenced her with a quick look.

Inej’s gaze was questioning and Jesper gave her a small, assuring nod.

Kaz had already redirected his attention and was no longer looking at them. He seemed pleased enough with Wylan’s presence.

The walk here had been silent and Jesper had had a lot of time to think some more.
He was very glad that they had this conversation, but he also knew that this wasn’t the only conversation that they needed to have.

Now that he knew that Wylan’s marriage hadn’t been his own decision he was certain in his suspicions that the origin of all of Wylan’s bruises might very well lay in his husband was most likely true.
It would fit what Jesper knew about Richard Gendill. Wylan had also never really talked about his husband any more than what was absolutely strictly necessary.
Jesper really doubted that Wylan was in love with Gendill.

He tried to suppress the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach at that thought.
He wasn’t doing this because he had a crush on Wylan and he would never expect to date him even if he helped him get rid of an unwanted marriage. He was doing this because Wylan was first and foremost his friend and because he might very well need help.
There would still always be a small part of him that hoped. Who knew what could happen?

He would also need to talk to Wylan about some of the things he had mentioned when they talked.

At some point, it had seemed as if Wylan believed what his father had said about him.
Jesper really hoped that that was not the case, but he would have to check anyway. He knew what a bitch internalised hate could be.

But those things were for another day. Tonight there was a merchant to be robbed.

Jesper turned his attention back to his crew in front of him.
Inej was still watching him and Nina stared at Wylan as if she wanted to eat him any second.

Wylan cleared his throat.
‘Okay. What was revealed yesterday might have been a shock to some. To others a bit less. But yes, it’s true what Mr. Brekker said. I am sorry for not telling you sooner and for storming out like that as well. I hope we can still work together. I can assure you that I have no loyalties to my father and I am more than willing to help you with his break-in,’ he said.
It sounded as if he had practiced these words.

Nina’s eyes narrowed, but Kaz had already turned away again.

‘Okay,’ Nina said drawn out.
‘I will let it slide for now, but don’t you dare think that you will get off his easily. I will get my answers later.’

Jesper couldn’t nearly hear Wylan next to him swallow, but he nodded.

‘Don’t worry. She is just curious. She will never force you to tell her something,’ Jesper whispered.

‘Yes, but she will always know the truth if I try to hide something from her,’ Wylan replied.
Jesper didn’t know what to say to that. He just hoped that Wylan already knew Nina well enough to realise that she would never hurt him.

‘If we are finally done now,’ Kaz said and of course immediately captured all their attention.
‘I will go over the plan again since some of us decided to take a stroll in the rain yesterday.’

Wylan blushed and Jesper just grinned.

‘Jesper, you are our lookout. Move in if you see danger and eliminate any threats.’

Jesper threw his hand in the air in expiration.
‘How often do I have to tell you that this face wasn’t made to lay around on some roof and do nothing! Please, Kaz! Anything but that.’

Kaz just stared at him with a look that could have killed an army and continued.

‘Nina is in charge of keeping the van Ecks from here.
Merchling, you stay with Jesper while Inej and I will scout out everything and find the entrance. Then Matthias will create the distraction to get the guards away. Inej gets us in. Wylan and I will find the safe and get the diamonds. We go out the same way and will be gone before the guards have a chance to notice us. Clear for everyone?’

All of them nodded though Wylan looked a little green around the nose at the prospect of robbing a safe alone together with Dirtyhands. Jesper couldn’t blame him.

He was still unhappy with his assignment, but at least he would get to spend some time with Wylan.

They all turned to the edge of the building and looked out onto the city.
The merchant district lay beneath them. Van Eck’s house was already in sight.

Jesper could feel himself get giddy.

He would go and rob the richest man of Kerch with Wylan van fucking Eck.

Chapter Text

Normally Wylan wouldn’t count laying in the mud in some bush on his father’s property as a good evening, but this one wasn’t too bad.

Jesper laid right next to him and once you had gotten over the fact that your clothes were gonna get soaked it wasn’t that depressing.

These useless thoughts filled his head and he welcomed them.
They kept him from thinking about other things.
Things like that everyone now knew who he was and that they were breaking into his childhood home.

Right now he would welcome everything that kept his anxiety at bay.
He could feel it rumbling low in his stomach and he had the feeling that any moment now it would break out of him like a volcano and he wouldn’t be able to move ever again.
But that couldn’t happen. They needed him for this. And Jesper was here so everything wasn’t half bad, even when the memories of the last day really tried to bubble up.

When Kaz had said his name yesterday it had felt as if the world collapsed under him.
He didn’t even remember running. He still was quite surprised by himself that he hadn’t frozen up like usual when he was faced with something unexpected or dangerous, but he wasn’t sure that running was an improvement.

He had only come back to himself when the rain had started hitting his face and Jesper had called out behind him.
But he hadn’t stopped of course. If he could he would have never stopped running. Running from his father, from Brekker, from Ketterdam and Kerch, and yes, even from Jesper.
Even now after they had talked and Jesper had assured him over and over that he wasn’t mad at him and still wanted to be friends Wylan couldn’t quite believe it.
The look of utter betrayal on Jesper’s face at the moment of the reveal would haunt him for some time more.

When he had run through the rainy streets he had been convinced that that was it.
That he would lose these friends that he had just found and that his life would be reduced to an angry husband, a doggy gambling den, and enough regrets to fill three lifetimes.

But when Jesper had found him it hadn’t been to yell at him, but to promise him his friendship.
It had taken Wylan an embarrassing amount of time to figure out what Jesper meant when he had said that. But he had figured it out and now there was a warmth in his belly that didn’t even go away here in the cold mud in front of the house that he had thought he never needed to return to.

He still couldn’t believe that the others were so okay with it as well.
Of course, Nina would later ask holes into him, but that didn’t seem as scary as he might thought it would be in the first moment.
Inej and Mr. Brekker had of course known, but he had expected more judgment from them. Brekker just saw him as a business opportunity and Wylan was surprisingly okay with that.
Inej seemed to give him her silent support in the same way that Jesper stood behind him. It was a comforting feeling even if he didn’t know what he had done to deserve it.

He didn’t know what exactly he had suspected when he and Jesper had arrived at the roof, but it wasn’t this.
Maybe Mr. Brekker would of course still discard him when they were done with the job and he wasn’t useful anymore, but he liked to think that his bombs had proved his worth and that Jesper and maybe also Nina and Inej would protest.

With a bit of luck, everything would stay as it was with maybe a few more questions. He could still work with them and talk to Jesper and be friends with everyone.
That was all he wanted.

He shook his head and tried to lose the thoughts.
That wasn’t really important right now. They were robbing his father and Wylan was kind of excited. And very very nervous.
He had been part of a few Dregs jobs up until now but he of course never had actually been in the job. He had just delivered the bombs and Jesper later told him how it went.

But today he would break into a mansion. He was a criminal. Yes, he knew that he had been a criminal before as well, but this just felt different.

He was also scared of how it would feel to enter this familiar house again after all this time and all that had happened. It didn’t seem quite right to him.

I didn’t know why he was so excited and nervous at the same time.
He had his father to thank for a childhood in luxury and the best education he could wish for, but he still felt like Jan van Eck deserved to be robbed tonight.
Wasn’t that kind of ungrateful? Should he feel ashamed to help criminals like this? To become one himself?
He didn’t feel ashamed. He felt like his heart would jump out of his chest any minute now, but it wasn’t really a bad feeling. What was wrong with him?

‘Hey, what are you thinking about?’ Jesper’s whispering broke the silence.

‘I’m just nervous. I have never broken into anything,’ Wylan said because that was easier than to explain all that was going through his head.

‘Yeah, but don’t worry. You will be with Kaz. He will do everything that’s important. And he will protect you too.’

Wylan laughed a little at that. Kaz Brekker protecting a merchant’s son was a ridiculous picture.

‘No, I mean it! You are now even more part of the team. Kaz Brekker takes care of his own. Don’t worry, and if something goes wrong there is still me. I will swoop in and be your knight in shining armor,’ Jesper said with a smirk and bumped his shoulder into Wylan’s.

Wylan just chuckled and shook his head.
It was kind of a cool picture though. He imagined Jesper smashing through one of the high windows in the dining room, pistols drawn, with a fierce smile and his arm reaching for Wylan.
Yes, that was a good picture. He should draw it one day.

‘Well, how was it growing up here?’ Jesper asked.
‘You know, mansion, servants, tutors.’

‘Oh, I don’t know. I don’t really have a reference to what the average childhood looks like,’ he answered with a shrug.
In his mind flashed pictures of the children’s books he had been allowed to have when he was younger. Grinning faces sitting together at a table, children playing in the garden, friends going to school together.

‘I was always the only child around,’ he eventually said.
‘I don’t have any siblings and my father is also the sole heir, so no cousins. And because of my tutors, I never went to school and couldn’t make any friends there. The only other ones my age were the children of other merchants and we only met at dinners and gatherings.’

‘That sounds pretty sad,’ Jesper replied.
‘Where I grew up there were lots of kids. We always played together. What did you play then when there was no one else?’

‘I don’t think I played that much, to be honest,’ Wylan said in thought.

He didn’t really have a lot of memories from the times before he was ten. Most of what he knew just came from what his tutors had told him and the few glimpses he still had of his mother.

‘When I started learning the flute I played that a lot. My tutor always said that I wouldn’t put it down, even when the class had ended and I was supposed to study something else. I think before that I played with my nanny sometimes. But she was sent away when I turned eight.’

He paused for a moment to think.
‘But everything else was pretty good. I got the best education money could buy and everything was always taken care of. It took me some time to get the hang of cooking and cleaning when I moved to the Barrel.’

‘Yeah, I can imagine that. But that is pretty normal, I think. I am still a terrible cook even to this day,’ Jesper said with a shrug.
‘But I don’t know, your childhood sounds a bit lonely.’

‘I don’t know. Like I said, I don’t have a reference point. The other merchant kids grew up like me,’ Wylan said.
‘I now sometimes like to think about the fact that all the merchants basically govern our city and probably not a single one of them knows how to boil potatoes or how to make a bed.’

He giggled and Jesper began laughing as well. Wylan tried to imagine his father bending over a stove and broke out into another wave of giggles.
Was he really not being ungrateful right now?

‘What has our world come to,’ Jesper said dramatically.
‘But on the topic of food, how is the merchant’s food? Do you eat lobster and fancy blue cheese every night?’

‘Oh, yeah. Sometimes. But only for special occasions and all that. Otherwise, it’s not that different from normal food, I think. It’s been a while since I have eaten with my father,’ he replied. ‘That’s another reason why I like cooking now.’

He thought back to the pantry in Richard’s little flat, which might not contain a lot of food, but it was food that Wylan had bought and now knew how to cook.
Richard also didn’t really limit his food as long as Wylan ate with him and he could control it. It was the greatest, but it was an improvement.
His favorite meals remained the new and interesting street food. Jan van Eck would have never allowed something like this on Wylan’s plate. Now he was free to share food with Jesper and found himself spending a good portion of his more or less steady, new income on it.

‘You didn’t eat with your father?’ Jesper asked.
Wylan just shrugged.

‘I think I stopped being allowed to attend family meals when I was eight. I ate the food that the servants got in my room mostly. When I wasn’t being punished that means,’ he explained.
He briefly thought about whether they used the same discipline methods in Novyi Zem as in Kerch. Jesper’s expression told him that they didn’t.

‘So, when I messed something up for example in my classes or when I embarrassed the family at gatherings my food would be restricted as punishment.
And like I said, I wasn’t a good heir so that happened every now and then. I just didn’t get food or very little for a few days. Nothing bad.
That’s also why my proportions are so weird. I got a lot of irregular growth spurts and not all of them were supported by the needed nutrients. That’s at least what the doctor explained to me,’ he explained quickly and wondered what they did in Novyi Zem instead.
He didn’t want to imagine Jesper in dark, locked rooms or shut out of the house in the cold.

‘That is so messed up,’ Jesper said and stared at him with big eyes.

Okay, so the punishments were very different where he came from.
Wylan had to confess that he wasn’t the biggest fan of food withholding either, but he would take it any day above being locked away. A beating would maybe be a little better but that really was dependent on whether his father used the belt or not.

Even though it was irrational and he knew that he had deserved those punishments it still made him feel a little warm to see Jesper so concerned about him. It was sweet.
Maybe it was this new affection and compassion that Jesper had for him that had made him feel so weird about his father. Maybe his loyalty had just transferred.

Wylan had already opened his to explain further when a far of scream broke the silent night.

Wylan froze. The guards in front of the house that they had been watching, startled and began running into the direction where now more screams echoed from. The craw of a crow called out to them from the left.

The sign.

It was go-time.

-

Wylan really tried not to step on any twigs as he ran after Mr. Brekker and Inej through the trees that lined the property. The wet ground helped with being silent but also made it hard to move quickly.

He still wondered what Matthias’ distraction was that caused such a scream.
He hoped nobody was too hurt.

All Brekker had told them was that it would accrue in one of the merchant’s houses further down the street and that there would be no possibility for connection of the vanishing of the diamonds and the distraction.
As far as Wylan understood they were hoping the missing stones would not be discovered until in a few days or so.

But that was nothing he needed to concern himself with at the moment. Right now he needed to keep up and not mess this up. Easy enough, right?

Inej fell back next to him. He looked over to her.

‘Where is the operating room of the alarm system,’ she asked as they ran.

She was breathing evenly and there was no sweat to be seen anywhere on her face.
Wylan envied her.

He opened his mouth to ask a question, but Inej interrupted him.
‘Don’t think about it, tell me,’ she said.
‘We will talk about everything else later.’

‘Ground floor, next to the storage rooms behind the door to the entrance hall in the servant quarters,’ he replied.

He knew better than to question one of the most famous criminals in the country in a moment like this.
He thankfully knew a lot about the layout of the house, even of the parts he hadn’t technically been allowed in. When you weren’t allowed to leave the house and had no friends you had a lot of time to wander around.

Inej nodded and picked up her pace again.

They had reached the back of the house a moment later and now ran over the lawn put to the house.
The guards that normally would be stationed here had gone to investigate the screams and would be back in a few minutes. Until then they had to be in the house.

Inej led them to one of the back doors and motioned them to wait.

The house towered above Wylan and he began to fear that it would fall on him any moment and swallow him back in so that he could never leave again.

Inej then began climbing the wall next to them and Wylan could do nothing but stare in awe.
He now understood why they called people like her Spiders. She seemed to defy gravity itself. It was not like the wall of the house was completely smooth but it was far far from climeable. He had never thought that anyone would be able to scale it without a rope or another aid.

Inej disappeared through a window on the second floor a few seconds after reaching it. He was left alone with Mr. Brekker in the dark of the night.

Wylan itched to ask Brekker what the plan was, what Inej was doing, and what he was supposed to do, but he kept his mouth shut.

It seemed to take an eternity, but suddenly there was another crow craw. This time from inside the house.
Mr. Brekker slowly kneeled down and laid down his cane next to him on the ground. He fiddled with the lock of the door for a second, then a clack sounded and the door swung open.

Wylan froze again as he waited for the shrilling of the alarm bells that he knew his father had installed.
He could already hear the yelling of his father, but the house remained silent. Inej must have disabled the alarm system. Now he was even more impressed.
How had she gotten in through the window? How had she known where the vulnerable parts of the system were? He had told her where it was, but even he didn’t really know how it worked.

Brekker cleared his throat and Wylan’s head snapped up. He was already inside and looked expectantly at him. How had he gotten off the floor so quickly? Especially with the bad leg?

Mr. Brekker looked like he would murder him if he asked though, so Wylan again just kept his mouth shut.
He hurried inside and Brekker closed and locked the door behind them.

‘Inej made sure that the window would be open for us tonight,’ Brekker explained quietly.
He kept his eyes forward and his face expressionless, but Wylan was sure, that Kaz Brekker normally didn’t explain his plans.

He was grateful that he made an exception for Wylan, even though the answer was even more ominous. Had Inej sneaked in, paid somebody, or done some kind of trick? He would probably never know.

They quickly walked down the corridor and stopped at a small door.

Wylan of course recognised it as one of the entrances to the servant passages that ran through the house between the walls of the rooms and ensured that the servants could reach every room without being seen.

He had always thought that it was a bit ridiculous since there of course were already multiple completely functional and good corridors everywhere in the house, but his father was still a firm believer in the traditional idea of a servant who was to be useful and always there, but never seen or heard.

‘To van Eck’s study, merchling,’ Brekker just said, opened the door, and again looked expectantly at Wylan.

It took Wylan a moment to understand that Mr. Brekker wanted him to show him the way.

He didn’t even want to know how Brekker knew that Wylan was very familiar with the passages since his father had very early on decided that it was also better for Wylan not to be seen if he had not explicitly been ordered somewhere.

He nodded and stepped into the dark corridor.
Brekker again closed the door behind them. Darkness surrounded them and Wylan placed a hand on the wall.
He was pretty sure that he could find the way even in the dark.
He slowly began walking.

Lighting a lamp of course would be too risky.
It could be seen under the gaps of the doors or through the little holes that provided a window into the rooms.
Wylan remembered laying awake in his bed and watching the servants walk by his room. He wouldn’t have known that they were there if it weren’t for the quick flashes of light through the two little holes in two of the walls of his room.

He had always liked using these watch holes himself to see what guests were doing during the dinners he hadn’t been allowed to attend. He had always liked watching people and observing their mannerisms and habits. That was so much easier to do when they couldn’t watch you back.

The holes had also made him very paranoid.
His father had used them more than once to catch him during times when he was supposed to practice reading and had given up and started doing something else. He was also pretty sure that Jan van Eck had sometimes observed his lessons just to scream at him later about them.

He shook his head and tried to clear his head.
He would have time for these memories later. Right now he needed to stay focused and find the way.

It actually kind of helped that they weren’t walking through the main corridors.
The passages had been very safe for Wylan in the last few years and this was one of the places where he knew that he for sure wouldn’t encounter his father.

He turned the next corner and could feel Mr. Brekker’s presence right behind him. It was astonishing how quiet that man could walk despite the cane and the limping.
He was quieter than Wylan who was like half his size.

They reached the stairs to the next floor and Wylan stopped for a moment trying to find the first step.

‘Careful, the stairs a very very steep,’ he whispered as silently as he could and began to clime.

Brekker’s presence behind didn’t disappear and he also didn’t get any acknowledgement of his words.
A moment later they reached the top and Wylan searched the wall again.
He continued on slower than before, counting the doors and branching corridors. There were a lot more of them here in between the private rooms of the family members and it was easy to get lost.

At the fourth branch, he turned right.
They were now walking in the direction of the front of the house where his father’s study was located. It was just a few more meters.

Wylan wondered how and what the others were doing.
It was comforting to know that Jesper was somewhere out there and looked out for them.

He was still nervous, but he wasn’t sacred. He was in the company of the scariest man of the Barrel.

The worst that could happen was that they would be discovered and then he would most likely just to dragged back to his husband.
Jan van Eck would never let his son go to Hellgate even if he had technically given that son over to another man. The shame that a family member in prison would bring would be too great to be acceptable.

He was a bit worried for Jesper and the others, but he was quite sure that Kaz Brekker wouldn’t let his people be dragged off to prison just like that.
And hadn’t they broken Matthias out of Hellgate?
Yeah, Dirtyhands would never go to Hellgate.

Wylan stopped in front of the next door.
This was it. This was his father’s study.

He pushed the door open.
It revealed a shelf full of books about half a meter from the door. Wylan’s breath caught. This was the library.
This was one room too early.

‘The next one,’ he whispered and braced himself for a hit from behind.
Brekker would certainly not appreciate a guide who couldn’t even find a room in his own childhood home.
But nothing happened.

Wylan just pulled the door closed again and continued to the next room over.
The whole time he waited for Brekker to say something, but the other man remained silent.
Well, maybe he would be punished later for the mishap. Maybe it was too important to get out fast as to waste time with stupid little merchlings.

The next door he pushed open was the right one.

They stepped from the door next to a grandfather clock into Jan van Eck’s study that was bathed in moonlight.

Everything was exactly how Wylan remembered it.
The big desk covered in orderly stacks of papers, the high, decorated ceiling, the shelves with his father’s personal book collection, and the portrait of his grandfather over the fireplace that had always stared at him during his beatings here.

Now at night and without Jan van Eck in it the room seemed less oppressive and nearly beautiful to Wylan, but he still felt his chest constrict.
If there was a room in this house that was actually tied to something he would call bad memories it would be this one.

Brekker pushed past him and walked into the room.
Wylan still stood frozen half a step into the room.

‘The safe is behind the shelf?’ He asked though it sounded more like a statement than a question.

Wylan looked over to the main safe that was very clearly located behind the desk of his father but nodded anyway.
He wasn’t supposed to know about the secret second safe in the wall, but he had seen it once when he had come in after his father had summoned him. Van Eck had forgotten to close the shelf back up again before calling his son in.

Brekker walked over to the shelves and after a few moments, a part of the wood swung to the side and revealed the safe behind it. Brekker nodded and then reached into his pocket.
He pulled a few sheets of paper out of it and held them in Wylan’s direction without looking at him.

‘Place these in the stacks on the desk,’ he said while he examined the safe.

Wylan hesitated a moment but then took the documents. He hadn’t expected to be such an active part in this, but he was kind of glad that he got something to do.
There were a lot of memories spinning around in his head right now and he didn’t want to examine any of them closer.

He walked over to the desk and began looking through the stacks.
For some reason, he felt more focused and sure than he had in a long time.
Yes, he was still nervous, but it was hard to panic or lose his head when you worked with Kaz Brekker who so clearly knew what he was doing and apparently also trusted Wylan to know what he was doing.
Wylan himself was very sure that he didn’t know what he was doing, but that wasn’t important.
Brekker expected him to do this so he would do this. He knew he could.

It was a bit like building bombs. Yes, you were nervous because there was always the chance that your whole project would blow up in your face, but if you panicked then it would definitely blow up.

He looked through the stacks of paper and tried to figure out in which to place the documents Brekker had handed him.

He was now very thankful for the time when his father had still thought he could become something in his world and had started teaching him about the merchant's business.
He might not be able to read what was written on the documents but he was able to distinguish profit tables from reports or contracts just by looks.

He soon found stacks for all the documents and placed them randomly throughout. He assumed Brekker didn’t want it to be obvious that they were placed there and didn’t actually belong.
He was already thinking like a criminal. What had become of him?

Just as he finished and raised his head he heard a click from the shelf and watched as Brekker opened the door of the safe.

He couldn’t help his mouth hanging wide open.
That was one of the best safes in the whole world that had cost his father probably thousands of Kruger. It wasn’t supposed to be opened by a Barrel rat in under ten minutes.
How had Brekker done that?

He watched as Mr. Brekker took out a few boxes that he assumed contained the diamonds.
Then Brekker also removed a few papers and put a few others in their place.

Wylan had already opened his mouth to ask was Brekker was doing, but the other man turned around and silenced him with one look.

Wylan just looked on as Brekker closed the door again and secured the shelf back over it.
It was done.
Now they just needed to get out again.
Wylan couldn’t help but smile.
A part of him also wanted to cry.

Mr. Brekker turned around to him and suddenly froze.

It took Wylan a moment longer to hear it, but then it was clear.
Footsteps outside. Familiar footsteps. Footsteps that Wylan would recognise in his sleep and that had filled his childhood with terror.

Jan van Eck was home.

Wylan’s heart stopped.

He frantically began looking around.
What had he been supposed to be doing? Where was the book he should read? But wasn’t it the middle of the night? Was he meant to be in his room? What was he doing here?

No, no. Wait.
He was here with Kaz Brekker.
He had broken in.
And now the homeowner was back.

But how? They hadn’t heard the horses or carriage outside.
The others hadn’t warned them. What had happened to Nina?

Now Wylan could feel himself panicking. His breath sped up and he felt like he couldn’t move.

‘Down, now,’ Brekker hissed.
‘Wylan, now.’

Wylan obeyed the order before he completely realised what the other man had said.

He crashed to the ground behind the desk and pressed himself to the cold wood.
This was easy. He could do what he was told.
Like this, his father wouldn’t be able to see him. And he still was here with Kaz Brekker. Brekker would take care of it.

He heard the door swing open and couldn’t help but peek around the side of the desk.
He had always preferred seeing danger coming than being surprised by it.

The silhouette of his father stood in the doorway.
In front of him stood Kaz Brekker with his cane held relaxed at his side but every muscle taught beneath his black coat.

For a moment Wylan was convinced that he would witness a murder. Either Brekker would bash his father’s head in with the cane or van Eck would shoot Dirtyhands.

‘What..’ Jan van Eck began.

Then he stopped.
Wylan watched as his father swayed and then slowly tilted forward and crashed to the floor.

Everything was silent for a second.

A second silhouette stood behind him in the corridor with a rifle raised in his hands.

Moonlight illuminated a handsome dark face. Jesper panted and lowered his rifle with which he had bashed Jan van Eck over the head.

For this very brief moment, he seemed like a saint here to save Wylan.
His own guardian angel. This knight in shining armour.

Wylan just stared. This didn’t feel real.

‘Did he see Wylan?’ Jesper asked, still out of breath.
‘Is he okay?’

‘Yes, the merchling is okay. Van Eck didn’t see him,’ Kaz answered and poked the man on the floor with his cane. Jan van Eck remained motionless.
‘Merchling, come out.’

Wylan stood up, still stunned.
Nothing seemed to register.

Jesper smiled at him and he managed to return it.
His heart was still beating as if he were a racehorse after a five-kilometer run, but he couldn’t tell if it was because of fear, excitement, or just surprise.

‘So much for nobody noticing us,’ Jesper said.
‘Sorry, he just suddenly appeared outside the gate on foot. I just had enough time to slip in behind him.’

‘Yes, I thought so. We have everything. Let’s get get of here now,’ Brekker just said and pushed past the unconscious body.

Ghezen, Wylan hoped that he was just unconscious. If they had murdered a high merchant then even a influential gang like the Dregs wouldn’t survive this.

Jesper looked concerned at him.
‘Can you walk?’ He asked and Wylan nodded.

His legs felt like aspic, but he wouldn’t faint. He was pretty sure.
Though Jesper carrying him in his strong arms was a nice thought that he was pretty sure wasn’t appropriate in a life-or-death situation like this.

He followed Brekker out into the corridor.
Jesper closed the door to the study behind them and followed them.

Apparently being stealthy was a thing of the past because Brekker walked right through the middle of the corridor and didn’t even bother to hide the sounds of his cane.
Thankfully nobody else seemed to be awake so they weren’t seen on the whole way to the back of the house.

The walk passed by Wylan like a dream. None of this seemed to be real, but he would also never dream of something like this. He was thankful for the mist that filled his brain because he was very sure that he would start to panic as soon as he began to process what had just happened.
Jesper’s presence next to him reassured him a bit.

They reached the window Inej had entered through a moment later and Brekker opened it.
Wylan looked out next to him. The guards were back and two of them were patrolling beneath them and there were probably more right around the corner.

Mr. Brekker didn’t seem bothered by that and called out in the same crow call they had used before.

A moment later a small figure dropped from the roof above them.
If Wylan hadn’t known that they had the infamous wraith on their side he would have been sure that he just saw a ghost. Inej swished past them.

He watched on in horrified awe as she landed right behind the patrol without a sound and made quick work of them.

The moment the second body dropped to the ground Brekker let down a rope and began climbing down.
Wylan looked down for a long second before Jesper nudged him and he realised that he was supposed to follow.

Normally he would protest and remind everyone that he had literally no experience in these kinds of things and that this was his first robbery, but nothing about this night had been normal.
So he swung one leg out and gripped the rope. How hard could this be?

Very hard turned out a second later when he slid down the rope with the elegance of a sack of wet flour.
His only thought when his feet hit the ground and he nearly twisted his ankle was that he hoped that Jesper hadn’t watched him.
He himself was a bit impressed that he had made it down without dying.

Jesper jumped the last meter down from the rope a second later and with one hard pull got the rope down.
There was nothing to do about the open window, but no one seemed the be concerned. The owner of the house had seen them anyway.

They began running again and soon disappeared back into the thin tree line.

Wylan’s thoughts seemed to have disappeared.
He just focused on Inej’s back in front of him and tried to keep up. He didn’t know how long it took them to reach the edge of the property, but he almost fell backward when he saw a huge shadow there waiting for them.

His heart stopped beating.
He didn’t even realise that none of the others had slowed down.

He blinked.
It took him a moment to recognise Matthias.

He only came back to himself when Inej pressed a coat to his chest and motioned for him to put it on.
He obeyed and a moment later they were all dressed in the blue cloaks many of the servants of the merchants like to wear. Disguised like this they stepped out into the street and began walking without exchanging another word.

These disguises would never hold up against closer inspection.
Someone just needed to spot Kaz’s cane or the odd lump that was Jesper's rifle under his coat and their cover would be blown, but it was enough to get out of the merchant’s district as fast as possible. For a sleepless person who looked out of a window or a passing guard, they would just look like a group of servants that was returning from a late shift.

Wylan walked next to Jesper and enjoyed the time that the experiences from the last half hour needed to catch up to him.
He didn’t want to think about what happened just now. It was all just a little too scary. Better pretend it wasn’t even real.

A few streets later a figure that was clothed in the same cloak as them came out of an alley.
This time he recognised Nina instantly. He let go of a breath that he hadn’t even known he had been holding. She was okay. He had already feared the worst when his father had appeared.

She didn’t say anything, but her eyes caught Wylan’s look for a moment and she smiled.
He smiled back.

And with that it hit him.

They had done it. They had robbed his father and they had gotten away with it.
He had broken into a house and wasn’t in prison. They had stolen the diamonds. He had done it and survived.

A giggle rose up in his throat and escaped him before he could stop himself.
He pressed his hand over his mouth, but the others had already heard it.

Jesper turned to him and grinned the biggest grin Wylan had ever seen.

Chapter Text

If moments could be filled into bottles, Jesper would fill a whole wine cellar with this one and feast on happiness for the rest of his life.

He was back in the warehouse that was Wylan’s workshop and was starting to be his favourite spot in all of Ketterdam.
Wylan was focused on his work as usual, and Jesper sat next to him on the table and swung his legs back and forth.

He was only allowed to sit here because what Wylan was working on was apparently nothing dangerous. Whatever that meant in the context of being a demolitionist.

He had come in here a few minutes ago and was now patiently waiting for Wylan to be able to talk to him.
Normally, waiting like this would make him crazy. He hated not being able to do something or, at the very least, talk, but right now he enjoyed the silence.
With Wylan, silence was something comfortable.
It probably also helped that they had finished the job only three days ago, and the excitement and adrenaline from that were still fuelling Jesper.

He had to say that he was actually very proud of Wylan.
He knew how demanding Kaz could be and how intimidated Wylan was by him. Very understandable, but not really necessary. Still, Wylan had helped them a lot and even if not everything had worked out as planned it still had worked out.

They had gone to have breakfast at Nina’s favourite cafe after they had reached the Barrel again.
Kaz had, of course, not joined them. He never joined their celebration, but he had nodded at them, which was the closest thing to approval they would get.
Nina had forced Inej to come with them, who had tried to escape over the rooftops, and so the five of them had all ended up with a pile of waffles in front of them.

It was the first time after a job that Jesper had ever felt complete.
His team was assembled, and he didn’t need any more than this. Wylan’s thigh had been pressed against his, and Jesper had had to resist leaning against the other man.

Wylan had laughed with them and smiled in a way that made him look like the sun, and Jesper had felt like the moon that bathed in the light.
Nina had told jokes, and even Matthias had smiled. Inej hadn’t said much, but Jesper had seen in her eyes that she was pleased.
It had been perfect, to say the least. Next time, he would bodily force Kaz to attend as well. He was part of their team after all. He didn’t get to skip out on team activity.

Of course, Wylan had had to go afterwards and hadn’t joined Jesper on his walk to the Slat.
It had felt so wrong. It had made him feel sick to think about Wylan’s husband, who would be waiting for him, and that Jesper was now very sure wasn’t a good person.
He hadn’t seen any new injuries on Wylan, but he was also nearly covered from head to toe in clothes, so who knew?

Jesper was ripped from his thoughts a moment later when Wylan put down the beaker filled with what he had been working on and turned to him with a smile.

‘Now you have my complete attention. Well, would you mind if I grind some chemicals while we talk?’ He said.

‘Of course not, as long as you talk to me I am happy,’ Jesper answered and watched as Wylan got out a pestle and mortar form under the table.

‘Guess what news is going round the city right now?’ He said with a grin.
He had been really struggling to keep this information to himself.

The break-in had been reported the morning after, and it sadly had been pinned on the Dregs, but there had not yet been any mention of the missing diamonds.
Van Eck was doing fine as well, but made a big show of being attacked in his own house. He was apparently convinced that it had been an assassination attempt despite the fact that he had woken up on the floor without any reason why these so-called assassins hadn’t finished him off when he had been unconscious.

Jesper was also pretty sure that van Eck had noticed that the diamonds were missing, but had covered it up to not expose his lack of security measures.
He probably hoped that they would be caught and he could get the diamonds back before anybody else caught wind of it. Too bad that Kaz was selling them tonight. Van Eck would never again see those stones.

‘A few of van Eck’s assets are plummeting,’ he continued.
Wylan turned around.
‘They all blame it on his competitors Resgen, and van Hochausen. They even say that there may be some foul play involved. Nobody is tying the break into it.’

Wylan slowly began smiling as well.
‘Oh, that was with the documents he placed on the desk,’ he said. ‘I was thinking about what they would do.’

‘Yeah, and I am also pretty sure that Inej had her hands in the information the competitors got,’ Jesper said.
‘And of course the assents that are now rising are not only the ones of Resgen and Hochause, but the ones of a certain Kaz Brekker as well. Under a fake name, of course.’

‘Of course,’ Wylan said and spread his arms with a giggle.
‘I will never understand how he always plans three steps ahead.’

‘I think the only person who actually understands that is Inej,’ Jesper replied with a shrug.
‘As long as I get paid and don’t end up in Hellgate, I really couldn’t care less.’

Wylan nodded and went back to grinding some blue stones into a powder. He looked very pretty like this with the sun in his hair and his sleeves rolled up. Jesper smiled.

‘By the way,’ Wylan began without looking up, and Jesper tore his gaze from his adorable freckles.
‘I wanted to thank you for saving me back there. I know that Mr. Brekker would have taken care of it as well, but it was still nice of you. Made me feel safe. And I kind of forgot to tell you.’

Jesper felt himself blush, and he looked down.
‘Oh, that was nothing. It was just luck. But you're welcome. I always like to save you.’

Now it was Wylan’s turn to blush, and Jesper’s heart jumped at the sight. Wylan was just too beautiful.
‘How was it luck?’ He asked. ‘I thought you followed him in.’

Jesper stopped. Oh, he hadn’t meant to say that.
Now he blushed from embarrassment.

‘Wellll, I might have been not entirely truthful,’ he said while awkwardly screeching the back of his neck.
‘I didn’t follow your father in. I got in the same way as you guys, a few minutes before he came home.’

Wylan stopped grinding and turned to him with a questioning look.

‘Soooo, I actually wanted to tell you about that, but I went inside to get something,’ he said and stood up.
He had dropped his bag next to the door and now went to retrieve it.
Wylan watched him.

‘It was super impulsive and very stupid, and Kaz would kill me if he knew, but I did it, and when I was on my way to get back out, I saw van Eck walk up the stairs, and I followed. It was really just luck.
If I had been there just a moment later, I would have missed him, and he would have come to you guys without my knowledge. Kaz would be very right to kill me. It was a pretty unnecessary risk, but it felt important to me. And in the end, it worked out better than I could have hoped, so was it even stupid?’ he rambled as he came over with his bag.

He stopped and took a big breath. He looked Wylan in the eyes. Then he pulled a long back case out of the bag and held it out to the other man.

Wylan stared at it for a second with a slightly open mouth and then took it.
He set it down on the table next to them and opened it. It revealed a sleek dark flute made from polished wood that rested on a cushion of velvet.

It was so silent in the warehouse that you could have heard a needle dropping.
Wylan slowly raised a hand to his mouth and turned his head to Jesper. In his eyes was utter disbelief.

‘My flute..,’ he whispered, and the words almost shattered Jesper’s heart.

And then suddenly, there were Wylan’s hands on his face and his lips on Jesper’s.

Jesper’s breath caught. Time stopped. Jesper’s eyes fell shut.
He buried his hand in Wylan’s hair. It was softer than even in his dreams. The kiss seemed to last an eternity.
When their lips separated, Jesper’s legs felt like they would give out under him any second.

‘Oh, you stupid, stupid lovely idiot,’ Wylan mumbled and pressed his head to Jesper's chest.
‘I can’t believe you risk the entire mission, no, your life for an instrument. Oh, Jesper. It’s just a stupid flute. Oh, I can’t believe you. You are wonderful.’

‘You’re welcome,’ Jesper croaked.
His heart was still running a hundred miles an hour, and his mind was a swirling typhoon, but he meant it. It had been worth the risk.

Wylan stepped back from Jesper, but he only mourned the loss for a second.
He watched as Wylan picked up the flute with a tender look in his eyes and then embraced the instrument like a long-lost friend. There were tears running down Wylan’s face and a heavenly smile on his lips.
Yes, it had been worth every single risk.

Wylan put the flute back down and just looked at it with a deep fondness.
He looked up, and the moment broke. Suddenly, there was a panicked expression on Wylan’s face.

‘Oh, oh,’ he mumbled.
‘I am so sorry, Jesper. I didn’t think. I should have never kissed you just like that. I am sorry. I mean… I… I don’t know.’

Jesper caught Wylan’s wildly gesturing hands in his and turned his face to face him. He didn’t know where this confidence suddenly came from, but he wouldn’t let it go to waste.

‘No, Wylan. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I.. I liked it. A lot,’ he said.
Wylan just stared at him. He swallowed.

‘I liked it too,’ he finally said and turned his eyes to the floor.
‘It felt real.’

Jesper’s heart skipped a beat. The butterflies in his stomach were running amok. He let go of Wylan’s hands.

‘Yeah, it did. I think it was. I… I really like you, Wylan,’ he said, and couldn’t keep his voice from shaking a bit.
‘I have been wanting to kiss you for a while now, if I am honest.’

‘Yeah, yeah. Me too,’ Wylan answered, and Jesper thought he would faint right then and there.
He couldn’t believe that this was happening.

He gently placed a hand on Wylan’s cheek and tilted his face to look at him.
Wylan’s eyes were big, but not scared. All Jesper saw in them was trust. He leaned forward and kissed Wylan again.

He froze up for a second before kissing back.
He raised his hand to Jesper’s hair, and Jesper arched into the touch. He could feel Wylan’s body pressed against his.
This must be heaven.

His hands shook a bit when he took a step back and smiled at Wylan. He smiled back and, with his flushed cheeks and dilated pupils, Wylan looked as if he had just stepped out of one of Jesper’s dreams.

‘I really like you too, Jesper,’ he said and smiled.
‘Really, really like you. In a way that I have never liked a person before.’

Jesper just nodded. He didn’t trust his voice at the moment. Was this real?

‘But, Jesper. I am married,’ Wylan said with an expression as if it ripped his heart out to admit it.
Jesper crashed down to earth. Yeah, how had he forgotten that. Nothing was ever easy.

'I know. But do you want to be married?’ He asked bluntly.

‘No,’ Wylan answered without hesitation and seemed to be surprised by himself.
‘It was never my decision. I don’t love him.’

Jesper had, of course, suspected this, but it was still like as if a literal stone was lifted from his shoulders.
It could still work between them, didn’t it? He had never actually believed that it even could, despite all his daydreams. Ghezen, he needed this to work out.

‘Wylan, is he the reason for the bruises?’ He asked carefully.

He didn’t know where the sudden impulse came from, but he needed to know.
Wylan visibly recoiled at the question. For a moment Jesper feared that he had now finally fucked it up. Then Wylan nodded. It was the tiniest motion, but it didn’t escape Jesper.

‘I… It’s not that bad,’ he said quietly.
‘He isn’t home a lot, and mostly I can just live in peace. But he… well, he is a very big man, very strong. And he is unpredictable. It was easier when I was still with my father. He had actual rules. With Richard, it’s just about his moods.’

Wylan took a big breath and lowered his head.

‘I know, I know. He is just correcting my behaviour. I want him to! And I am his husband. I owe him obedience. I shouldn’t complain. And like I said, it’s not so bad. He isn’t home a lot.’

Jesper just stared at him with a horrified expression.
Did he hear that correctly? Did Wylan believe what he was saying? Did he think he deserved the abuse that was happening to him? That obviously had been happening to him since he had been a child.

‘Wylan, hurting another person is never ever okay,’ he said.
‘Well, maybe in self-defence, but that is your husband and it was your father. Those people are supposed to love and protect you. They should never hurt you.
Even if your husband doesn’t love you, that never makes it okay for him to hurt you. And if they do, then it is never your fault. They are the abuser and what they do will never not be wrong.’

‘No, Jesper. You don’t understand,’ Wylan interrupted.
His hands twisted into each other again, and his face was red. Jesper wasn’t sure he had ever heard Wylan speak with a raised voice before.

‘I told you, I was a bad heir. I couldn’t be the heir. I am too fucking stupid to even read. A thing that even five-year-olds can do!
My father just tried to help me. He tried to teach me. He tried to protect me from the world. He tried to help me! He did what he did for me! He loved me!

And I am also just a stupid spoiled merchling. Richard is teaching me how to be a good husband! And I am grateful for it.
I am being of use to my family by obeying him. I couldn’t be an heir, so I am serving my family in another way.
And so what if I sometimes get a bit hurt? It is my own fault for being so damn stupid and useless.
If I could manage to just get my ass up and get something right then none of them would need to teach me.

And maybe I don’t like what Richard does to me, but I am a good husband. I take it and try to do better. I am doing what I am supposed to do!
I am just surprised that you guys haven’t realised what a failure I am. I will fuck up eventually. And then you will be just as disappointed as my father was. I will fail. I always do.’

In the end, Wylan was nearly screaming. Tears were streaming down his face again, and his eyes spoke of pure desperation. Jesper just stared. He wanted to say something, to tell Wylan how wrong he was, but he was frozen.

Wylan wiped his face with his shirt.
‘I am honestly sorry for deceiving you guys.
I would have said something sooner, but the truth is, I just like this too much. I like to pretend to be good at something other than house husband. I like being part of a team. I like having friends. I like being together with you. I like imagining that we are together, like actually.
That maybe there is a reality where I actually deserve you and was good enough for you.
But I am not stupid enough to think that is real, because at the end of the day I have to go back to my husband and the real life that I am supposed to live. I just liked having this as long as it lasted. I will go now. I am sorry,’ he said in between his tears.

His eyes had gone dull. Wylan turned to the door, but Jesper caught his sleeve.

‘We will get you out,’ Jesper said.
He didn’t know where the words were coming from, but he knew that they were the truth.

Wylan stopped and turned around.
‘What?’ He just asked with utter confusion.

‘You said that you didn’t want the marriage. So we will get you out,’ Jesper repeated.
‘Your marriage is not legitimate anyway if you didn’t consent to it. And you don’t owe your father anything anymore. You don’t owe him to help him in his business deals. You don’t owe him obedience.
He has failed in the one job he had as a father, and that was to protect you. He didn’t even manage to protect you from himself. He doesn’t deserve you. He has rejected you, and now you don’t owe him anything anymore.’

‘But…’ Wylan began, but Jesper interrupted him.

‘No, listen to me, Wylan. You are not stupid. You are not!
Look around you. You work this whole workshop all by yourself, and you have all the recipes and reactions in your head! You are the only demolitionist in the whole Barrel who can do that. You realise how impressive that is, don’t you?!
And wasn’t it you who told me that you speak four languages? And you learned them without being able to read them!
You play the flute better than anyone I know and know so, so much about politics, economics, and just the world.
If you are stupid, what am I then? Huh? A donkey?

And I know that you think that you are stupid because you can’t read and that you have been told this your whole life, but that doesn’t make it true.
You are literally the opposite! So what if you can’t read! It makes all your knowledge even more impressive.
You were born with a disability, and you learned to do everything you do despite it. You put in more work than anybody else. You don’t need to be able to read to be intelligent.

Do you think Kaz is weak because he has to use a cane? Do you think Matthias is an idiot because he doesn’t talk much and is mostly the muscle in our jobs? Do you think Inej is broken because she doesn’t trust people? Do you think I am a coward because I don’t tell people I am Grisha? No, right? So what makes you different?’

Jesper was out of breath when he finally stopped.
Wylan had stopped crying and just stared at him with an open mouth.

‘Wylan,’ Jesper whispered.
‘You are wonderful and the smartest person I know. So please don’t call yourself stupid. It is not true. I promise you that. And what as happened to you was always an injustice and a crime.’

Wylan suddenly sat down.
He just sank to the ground and sat down. Jesper startled, but followed his lead a second later.

He looked at Wylan, but Wylan didn’t look back.
His eyes were open, but his gaze was far away. His breathing was even, nearly a bit too even. His muscles were tense anyway, and he looked like he was ready to bolt any second.
Oh, Jesper knew this. Wylan’s mind had gone away and had just left behind the body. Jesper did that sometimes as well.

Okay, when this happened to him, Inej always talked to him until he came back.
He liked that.

Jesper scooted a bit closer to Wylan and took a big breath.

‘Okay, Wylan. It’s okay. I am here. You are not alone. You are in the workshop. You are safe,’ he said as calmly as he could.

He swallowed. He didn’t know what he was doing.
He wished Inej were here. But she wasn’t here, and Wylan needed him right now. He was scared

He quietly began singing.
It was a Zemini song. His mother had often sung it while working in the jurda fields.
It was the story of a bird that flew around the world and came back to all his friends having forgotten him. It was a sad song, but it had a beautiful melody and a hopeful ending.

Jesper hadn’t sung in such a long time, and his voice was a bit scratchy, but he didn’t stop singing.
It was a long song, designed to be sung while watering or harvesting rows of jurda.
One verse for one row of jurda.

This voice got stronger while he sang.
His mind drifted off to long autumn days spent in the fields with his parents.  Happy times without worry. Wylan could use times like those. He felt himself calm down and hoped that Wylan felt the same. Jesper lost himself in his singing.

When he just reached the sixth verse, Wylan’s hand unclenched from the fabric of his trousers.
Jesper’s voice faltered. The movement was small, but it was more than had happened in the last several minutes.

Jesper didn’t stop singing and finished the six verse.
The song wasn’t done yet, but he let the melody swing out anyway and hummed the last few notes. He let the silence ring between them for a moment and gathered himself.
Wylan needed him.

‘Wylan, you are safe. I am here. I am Jesper. We are in the workshop. Nothing is gonna happen to you. You are safe. I am not mad. Everything is okay,’ he said and tried not to sound like he was calming a horse down.

Wylan blinked and looked at him again, really looked.
The empty eyes were gone, and Wylan was back with them.

Jesper sighed in relief. He wanted to hug the other man and never let go again, but that wouldn’t help right now.
He just smiled, and Wylan returned the smile after a moment. Then he blushed and looked back down.

‘Sorry for that,’ he whispered.
‘But thank you for that. Normally, it takes me longer to get back.’

‘No, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled,’ Jesper answered.
‘Does this happen often? The going away?’

‘Yes, kind of. It happens every so often. Normally not as bad at this. Often my mind just goes away, but my body still does the things it is supposed to. It is actually quite practical if I didn’t feel so shit after,’ Wylan said and laughed a little. It was a sad laugh that made Jesper’s insides coil up.

He just nodded in response, not knowing what to say.
The last hour had been a bit much. He wanted to lie down for a while.

For a moment, he and Wylan just sat next to each other and stared into nothing.

Wylan finally broke the silence.
‘I heard what you said,’ he said slowly.
‘I understand what you mean. It’s like the logical part of my brain understands what you mean and agrees with your arguments, but my emotions don’t. It doesn’t feel true even though it sounds logical, you know? I am sorry.’

‘Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for,’ Jesper said.
‘I think that might be a start. I am sorry that it took so much yelling to get that point across, but I meant every word, and I think everything I said was true. And it makes me very happy that at least a part of you can recognise that.
Maybe we can work together to convince all of you in the end.’

‘That will take a long time,’ Wylan answered with an unsure expression.
‘I don’t know if I even can believe it.’

‘Then we will just have to work extra hard,’ Jesper said with a crooked smile.

He couldn’t believe that this was turning out okay and that not everything went to shits and he lost Wylan forever.
Maybe they could actually fix this. Well, maybe not fix it, but at least learn how to live and work with it. That should be possible.

‘Wylan,’ he began, and turned to the other man.
‘I need you to know that I also meant everything that I said before. I really like you. I don’t think I have ever liked a person like I like you now. And if you want, I would like to build on that. If you will have me.’

He held his breath as Wylan slowly blinked and thought about what Jesper just said. Somehow, it felt like his whole world depended on this moment.

‘I like you too, Jesper,’ Wylan finally answered.
‘And if I am honest, I would really like to leave this marriage behind. I already helped my father. What is severing one more business tie? And yes, I would like to see what can come of this. If you want.’

Jesper's heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest.
Was this a dream? Had Wylan just agreed to date him? The butterflies inside of him were revolting once again.

‘We will find a way to get you out of that marriage, and then you are free to do what you want,’ Jesper said with as much confidence as he could.
Suddenly, nothing seemed impossible anymore. He felt like he could march into the merchant's district right now and could beat up Jan van Eck.

‘And if what you wish to do with that freedom is date me, then I would very much like that,’ he added, a lot shyer than before.
He wouldn’t blame Wylan if he said no. It was possible that he just agreed with Jesper because he was the best Wylan could get in his situation.
Jesper would understand if he were to leave the Barrel and find a nice, rich boy instead when he could.

‘Jesper, can I kiss you?’ Wylan asked.
Jesper froze. He felt the blood rush to his cheeks and very slowly nodded.

Wylan clasped his face with his hands like he had done before and Jesper’s skin where he touched it erupted in fire.
Then Wylan’s soft lips met his and Jesper just melted into the touch. If saints existed than this what it must feel like to be touched by one.
He buried his hand in Wylan’s locks and pulled them closer together. He wished this moment would never end.

When they finally parted, Wylan’s cheeks were flushed in a way that highlighted his freckles in the most adorable way.
Jesper couldn’t believe how lucky he was.

As much as he wanted to relish this moment forever he had a feeling that this wasn’t it.
There was a long road ahead and he had a feeling that it would not be cobbled and would be covered in sharp stones.
But if Wylan was at his side he would walk it no matter what came.

And one day he would be free to kiss Wylan even on the most populated street of the Barrel and they could be without fear.

Chapter Text

Jesper walked down the street and tried not to bump into people, which was nearly impossible.

The evening was warm, and the last light had just disappeared from the sky.
It was the perfect summer night, at least for Kerch's standards, and the Barrel and East Stave were flooded with locals and tourists alike who didn’t want this night to go to waste.

Normally, Jesper would be among them, looking for the next table of cards or a good fight, but today he was looking for something else. There was still a faint itching in his fingertips, but maybe he would follow that later. The clubs are not going close tonight.

No, he needed to hurry so he could get a chance to talk to Wylan before he started his shift.
These short meetings in the alley next to the Golden Seagull had certainly gotten a lot easier now that Wylan could actually tell him when his work started, and Jesper didn’t have to wait around and hope for his luck.
He also certainly felt less like a stalker now.

He practically jumped around the corner and was greeted by an empty alley.
This wasn’t too uncommon. Wylan nearly always came later than Jesper, and even today, where he had been a bit later than normal, he was still early.

He sat down on an empty crate behind the club and started swinging his legs.

He found himself being as nervous as he had been before their first few meetings when he still had been unsure if Wylan maybe secretly hated him.
This was the first time they would see each other again after their last talk and… and the kiss.

Jesper still couldn’t believe that that was even real.
It was like the situation had been plucked straight out of one of his dreams. Wylan had not only kissed him once, but three times!
And yes, what had happened in between those kisses had been more than a little messy, but he was also pretty sure that it had been important.
They hadn’t solved everything, and there was still a lot of work to be done by both of them, but they had started the way together, and Jesper hoped that they would continue to walk it together.

Well, Wylan had kind of told him that they would do it together, right?
They wanted to try. Wow, Jesper still couldn’t believe how truly lucky he was.
Who could have thought that his stupid little daydreams would actually lead to something? He had never thought that this would work. Especially not after he found out that Wylan was married.

That was another thing that just wouldn’t disappear from his thoughts.
He wasn’t sure he had ever felt such a deep hatred as he did when he heard Richard Gendill’s name. It was only maybe surpassed by the hatred he felt for Jan van Eck.
What kind of father would do something like that to his child for years and years, and then at the end force them into a marriage with an obviously violent man?

Ghezen knew that Jesper’s relationship with his dad was everything but easy, but he loved his da and he knew that he loved him and would never do something to intentionally hurt Jesper.
He was suddenly very thankful for the luck he had with his dad.

The only thing that kept him from taking revenge for Wylan right here and now was that in Gendill’s case, it would start a gang war that they were currently very unprepared for, and in van Eck’s case, a war with the council and the startwatch, which they were even less prepared for.
But they would be prepared one day. And then there would be nothing to stop Jesper.

There was a tiny satisfied rumble in his stomach when he thought of how he had knocked his rifle over van Eck’s head. He regretted not having it done harder. Next time, he would do it harder. Well, it was the small things, right?

It wasn’t his revenge to take anyway.
It was Wylan’s, and Jesper would make sure he got it if he wanted it. He really hoped that Wylan would want it.
They had already taken the first step together when they had robbed Wylan’s father, and Jesper would continue to support him however possible.

First, they needed to get Wylan out of the situation, and then they could start thinking about how and if they wanted to enact revenge. Jesper would respect Wylan’s wishes even though he was pretty sure that he would hit Gendill in the face the first opportunity he got, no matter what Wylan or even Kaz said.

Jesper adjusted his hat and nodded to himself.

First, they needed to figure out how to get Wylan out, and that would be hard enough on its own.
He needed to talk to Kaz.

He tried to keep his mind on these thoughts.
It wasn’t easier to think of possible plans and escape routes than to worry about their last meeting, the kiss, and the fact that it was already fifteen minutes after nine bells and that Wylan was late. What if he really didn’t want to see Jesper anymore? What if he had messed up after all?

Jesper continued to sit there, lost in his thoughts for a while longer.
Soon the clock tower of the church of Ghezen rang half nine bells, and Jesper couldn’t contain his worry anymore.

Wylan was rarely late, as it was, and he had never been this late.
Of course, there were a hundred and one totally innocent explanations for this. Maybe he had fallen asleep, maybe he had to run an urgent errand, maybe he couldn’t get through this crowd fast enough.
The problem was that they were also explanations that included Wylan’s lifeless body in a ditch or on the ground of this flat with an angry husband above it.

Jesper started biting his lip.
Was he overthinking this? This was probably just his already nervous mind speaking.

Still, something didn’t feel right. Something was absolutely not right.

Jesper ran his hands over his face and tried not to panic.
This could be completely innocent and nothing at all.
This evening was busy, right? Maybe the Razorgulls had just called Wylan in earlier to get ahead of the wave of patrons tonight. Yes, that was a good explanation. He liked that explanation. He would just have to check, and he would find Wylan where he had first met him, behind the bar.

Jesper breathed deeply in and out and hopped down from the crate.
Now he just had to find a way to get in there without being completely suspicious. Well, he hadn’t been to the Golden Seagull for quite some time now, so it would probably be plausible for him to turn up again.

He ducked out of the alley and back into the crowd that had grown in the last half hour.
He just rounded the club and walked up to the door. He could already hear people inside, and the number of voices was more than you would usually expect from this early hour.

At the door, he was greeted by the familiar face of a short and grumpy woman and a tall, thinner man he had never seen before.
Since when did a small club like this need two bouncers?
He slowed down his pace. He really hoped this didn’t mean trouble. He just needed one look inside the gambling den to confirm that Wylan was safe and working.

He put on his best smile as he reached the two.
The man had almost immediately reached for his club that hung at his side. Jesper slowed down even more. The woman laid a hand on the man’s shoulder. He man slowly let go of his weapon.

‘Fahey, what are you doing here?’ He asked, and the mistrust was clear in his voice.

‘Oh, he started coming here a couple of months ago,’ the woman said with what could best be described as hostile fondness.
‘Said that this was the only den that would let him in. Then he disappeared again as quick as he came.’

Jesper laughed awkwardly. He hadn’t thought about how that would look.

‘Yeah, the last months were a bit rough. I had no funds and all of that. You know how it is,’ he explained with another laugh.
‘But I just couldn’t let a night like this go to waste.’

Both bouncers looked at him suspiciously.
Jesper smiled. He hoped they couldn’t see his desperation. He needed to get in there. He needed to know that Wylan was okay.
Otherwise, he could guarantee nothing. He would find out where Gendill lived and break into his flat.

‘Fahey, you know the rules. No shenanigans, no trouble, don’t just sit around. Behave yourself,’ the woman finally said and took a step to the side.
Her partner looked at her with surprise, hesitated a moment, and then followed her example.

‘Very much obliged, madam,’ Jesper said with a deep bow, even though he didn’t feel like it at all.
He was pretty sure that his insides were turning inside out with worry.

He stepped inside the den, and his eyes snapped to the bar.
He spotted the usual bartender. The woman who was somewhat Wylan’s boss. He kept his eyes on the bar as he moved further into the room.

It was full but not so full that he wouldn’t be able to see Wylan if he was waiting tables again. But still, no copper hair appeared.
He reached the bar and had already opened his mouth to ask where Wylan was when he stopped himself.
This was too suspicious. He couldn’t do this.

He turned around again and looked at the room one last time.

Wylan wasn’t here.

Jesper felt as if he would vomit.

-

Jesper tried not to worry as he walked up the stairs of the Slat, taking two steps at a time.
He gnawed on his lip anyway and tried to keep his hands from his revolvers at his hip.

He shouldn’t panic. There was no reason to panic.
Wylan might just be home and sick. Maybe he just hadn’t wanted to see Jesper. As awful as that thought was, it meant that Wylan was alive.

He jumped the last few steps and hoped that Inej was here and not out somewhere on the roofs, even though it was unlikely.

Luck seemed to be on his side tonight at least in one respect.
When he opened the door a bit more energetically than necessary, he almost hit it in the face of Inej. She looked at him with raised eyebrows before he pulled her inside.

‘Inej, thank all your saints, Inej. I need your help,’ he began before the door was even closed behind them.

‘It’s Wylan. He is gone, and I don’t know where he is or if he is fine. Inej, he might be dead! He is not at work, and I think I might have messed up. Maybe he never wants to see me again. I don’t know,’ he rambled and let Inej guide him to the back room.
He sat down in a chair with her guidance, and she sat down opposite him.

‘Jesper, how about you calm down first,’ she said.
‘I will help you, but I need to know what is going on. What brought this on?’

‘I just went to see Wylan before work like usual, and he wasn’t there,’ Jesper answered after taking a deep breath.
‘And I waited way longer than usual, and I even went into the club to see if he was maybe already there, but he is not. He is gone.’

‘Okay, I understand. And now explain to me why you think that you messed something up,’ he said as calmly as ever.

‘Okay, it’s… I haven’t told anybody about this, but well, Wylan and I kind of, kissed? That was two days ago. We had a talk and everything, and Wylan kind of freaked out, and I yelled. But I think we talked about everything. At least I thought so. We need to get him out of that marriage. His husband is hurting him, and he never wanted to marry anyway. Well, that’s what happened, and I haven’t seen him since, and maybe I just messed up and now he doesn’t want to see me anymore.’

Inej looked at him with thoughtful eyes. She had crooked her head a bit to the side.

‘I agree with you that we need to do something about the husband situation. I have been suspecting something like this for a while now, but Wylan obviously didn’t want anyone to know about it. That he trusted you enough to tell you would make me believe that he doesn’t hate you, Jesper.’

Jesper smiled weakly at that. He didn’t really feel reassured.

‘And now, what would you like me to do?’ She asked.

Jesper suddenly felt a twinge of guilt. He wanted to ask Inej to find out where Wylan was and what he was doing and how he was doing and if he wanted to see Jesper again, but that was more than a little invasive into Wylan’s life, right?
Hadn’t he told Inej just a few months ago that he didn’t want her finding things out for him? But this was different, right? Wylan was maybe in danger.

‘Can you make sure that he is safe?’ He finally asked.
‘I don’t need to know where he is or anything else. If he doesn’t want to see me, then I will respect that, but make sure he is okay. I would never forgive myself if he were in danger and I did nothing to protect him.’

‘I can do that. I will swing by his flat right now, okay? And then I will keep eyes and ears open,’ Inej said with a smile.
‘Don’t worry, Jesper. It will be okay.’

Jesper smiled again, this time a bit more genuinely. Inej was one of the most capable and strong people he knew. If somebody could find Wylan, it was her.

‘And Jesper, I really mean it. Wylan doesn’t hate you. My job is literally knowing things about people, and when I can tell you that what is in Wylan’s eyes when he looks at you is anything but hate,’ she said and stood up.

Jesper followed her with his eyes, but didn’t have the strength to stand up as well. He just stayed slumped in the chair.

‘I will get going and I will tell you what I know in a few hours,’ she said and squeezed his shoulder on the way out.

Jesper tried to feel secure and optimistic, but his stomach was churning with dread.
Something was wrong. Something was wrong and he had an awful feeling that this was so much bigger than he could imagine. But that didn’t matter as long as they could make sure that Wylan was safe.
That was all that was important.

-

Jesper sat at the bar in the Crow Club.

It was late or very early, however, you wanted to see it and the Club had closed a while ago.
He had poured himself a drink since the bartender had gone home and he wasn’t sure how may he already had had. Probably a few if the fog in his brain was anything to go on.

Somebody sat down next to him. He hadn’t known there was still somebody here.
He turned to the person and blinked. It took him too long to recognise Nina.

She poured herself a drink as well and then turned to him with a look that seemed to pierce right through him.

‘Hello, Jesper. Now, do you want to explain why I had to do all the preparations for the job alone today, even though you promised to help? And why do I find you now here looking like you're trying to meet the saints early?’

Jesper just groaned and covered his face with his arm.
He had forgotten that they had a job tomorrow. That just hadn’t been a priority in his mind. He didn’t really want to explain everything that had happened, but Nina didn’t look like she would let him get away without an explanation.

‘While you're at it, you can also explain why you're in a fouler mood than the time that thug smashed your legs and took all your clothes. I have a feeling that all of these have the same answer,’ Nina said with a crooked eyebrow.

Jesper sighed and tried to sit up a bit straighter.

‘Wylan is gone,’ he said.
‘He wasn’t at his work yesterday, or two days ago, however you want to see it.’

‘Well, ever thought about that he might just be sick and at home in bed?’ Nina asked.

‘Yes, I asked Inej to make sure that he was safe, and she went to his home. He isn’t there. His husband isn’t there. The flat is abandoned, and nobody even in the Razorgulls knows where they have gone. They are gone,’ Jesper let his head fall on the counter.

He just didn’t have the energy anymore. He wanted to sleep and wake up next to Wylan.

Nina looked at him in shock.
‘They just went away? Without any warning? Wylan didn’t tell you anything?’

‘If that husband of his is just half the piece of shit that he seems to be than Wylan didn’t know this was happening either. The thing that is weird is that nobody in the gang knows. Inej thinks that maybe just the boss knows the situation,’ Jesper explained.

‘And you have been looking for him?’

‘Yes, ran around half Ketterdam the whole day and night. Inej even went back to the van Eck mansion. We can’t find him,’ Jesper said, and felt tears welling up in him.

Here in the Barrel, he felt powerful.
Here he was somebody, and he knew what he was doing. He didn’t remember the last time he had felt so fully helpless and pathetic. He couldn’t protect Wylan. He couldn’t even find him.

‘So they have either left the city, are very good at hiding, or they are being protected by a gang,’ Nina concluded, and Jesper picked his head up from the counter. He nodded.

‘Inej doesn’t think that they left. There are too many eyes on the road and at the harbour. They would have been seen, and then we would know about it. We just can’t figure out why they vanished but stayed in the city. Gendill is the second of the Razorgulls. Guys like him don’t need to hide,’ Jesper said, and didn’t even try to keep the helplessness from his voice.

‘Except if he is hiding from the Razorgulls,’ Nina said after a moment.

Jesper perked up at this. He hadn’t thought about that possibility yet.
It would make sense, then why he was so suddenly gone. But why didn’t anybody in the Razorgulls know or talk about it? If Gendill messed something up badly enough to make him go into hiding, then that would make waves, wouldn’t it?

What the hell was going on?
He just didn’t know anymore, and he wanted to stop thinking about it. He wanted to go to sleep, and when they gathered tomorrow for their job, Wylan would just stroll around the corner, and everything would be as it were.

‘Jesper, we will find him,’ Nina said.
‘I am sure that it’s nothing. But you won’t find him if you are drunk and haven’t slept in two days. So how about you go back to the Slat and sleep a bit. I will keep watch for anything that can help us. We will do this together. But you won’t have any use for Wylan if you don’t sleep, okay?’

Jesper slowly nodded.
What she was saying made sense, and he wanted to sleep. But it felt wrong.
Why did he get to relax in his bed when Wylan was out there, potentially in danger?
He needed to find him. He owed Wylan at least that.

Suddenly, there was a person behind him hauling him up from his chair.
He hadn’t even noticed Nina standing up. Maybe she was right. He was drunk.
Why had he gotten drunk in the first place? It was stupid. He needed to focus to be able to help Wylan. Okay, he needed to sleep to be able to help him.

He patted Nina on the shoulder and tried to smile, but he didn’t quite manage it.
He turned to the door and began his way to the Slat. He was sober enough to walk.

He didn’t even register that Nina went with him to the door. She smiled at him and nodded.

‘Go to sleep, Jesper. We will find him.’

He really tried to believe her, but he just couldn’t.

-

For the first time in the last three days, Jesper’s thoughts weren’t swirling around Wylan and eating themselves in worry.

His revolvers were in his hands, and he was running. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, and he knew that he was probably grinning like a maniac.
This was definitely better than the panic, melancholy, and all the other emotions of the last days.

He ducked around the next corner and looked around.
He had lost sight of the others, but he was sure that Inej was somewhere above him and Kaz somewhere smashing Dime Lion’s knees.

He hadn’t wanted to go on this job.
It had felt like a waste of precious time that he could spend looking for Wylan, but now he was kind of glad that he had come. At least here he felt useful, and he liked to think that the other Crows needed him here.

They were ambushing a Dime Lion warehouse that had just gotten a new shipment of jurda that Kaz wanted to either steal or destroy.
This was Jesper’s kind of job. Shooting, fighting, running, and action. No stupid lookout.

He breathed in and peeked around the corner.
He seemed to have lost his pursuers.

Now, if he remembered the plan correctly, he was supposed to go back to the warehouse and take care of the rest of the guards there. Nothing easier than that.

He decided to follow the alley that he was already in since he didn’t want to risk finding the men again who were following him.
He still kept his revolvers ready in his hands and his ears and eyes sharp.

He was pretty sure that he saw a shadow whooshing overhead and smiled to himself. It was good to know that Inej was close. He preferred to see his fellow Crows in situations like these.

He rounded the corner and froze.
There was someone at the end of the alley. He was standing over a body.

Jesper gripped his revolvers and advanced down the alley as quietly as possible. He just hoped that the body was none of his friends.

‘Jesper, I can hear you,’ the person said, and turned around.
Kaz grinned at him.

‘Remind me that I need to get Inej to give you a few lessons in stealth. I could hear you two alleys ago.’

‘You are an ass, you know that?’ Jesper answered and relaxed a bit.
‘I thought you were a Dime Lion. Could have shot you.’

‘But you didn’t,’ Kaz said and wiped off his cane on the coat of the man who was lying unconscious or dead on the floor.
‘Now, let’s get going.’

Jesper followed Kaz out of the alley, and they continued in the direction of the warehouse.

Jesper kept a few paces behind Kaz and kept glancing back. His blood was still rushing, but for some reason, he felt more secure now that he knew that Kaz was doing okay.

His boss in front of him motioned for him to split up at the next branching alley, and Jesper obeyed with one last nod to the other.

He turned to face the new alley.

He caught something flying through the air a second before it exploded.

The explosion threw him back. His revolvers were in Jesper’s hands.
He held his breath.
He was on his feet again in a moment and tried to make out where the attack was coming from.

He couldn’t make anything out with the blue smoke filling the street.
He ducked out of the alley and began running down the cobblestone.
He breathed freely again after he left the smoke behind him.

He spotted Kaz a moment later at the end of the street next to the warehouse.
Good, he was fine.

Jesper blinked a few times and tried to focus again.
That explosion had thrown him off.

He reached Kaz in the same second as Inej dropped from the roof. Jesper grinned.
Now let the fun continue.

-

Jesper stared at Kaz, who was walking up un down in this office in the Slat.

The job had succeeded, but the atmosphere was still thick and oppressive.

Kaz's arm was wrapped up in bandages that Inej had forced on him. They covered the burn from another bomb.
Jesper’s ankle was sprained from being thrown by an explosion inside the warehouse.
Nina wasn’t ever here because of how badly her side had been damaged. She was going to be fine, but she was badly hurt.

They were all in way worse shape than they were supposed to be after a job like this.

Jesper felt dread slowly crawling up his throat as he listened to Kaz's angry monologue about how the Dime Lions were not supposed to have this much demolition so suddenly.

He had known that there was something wrong.
He had known and now, with every second, he became more and more sure.

The realisation hit him like one of those bombs.

‘The smoke,’ he interrupted. Kaz stopped and glared at him.
‘In the alley. The first bomb they threw at me. The smoke was blue,’ he choked out.

Kaz still glared at him, but Inej’s face was morphing into the same mask of horror that Jesper wore on his.

‘And? What does that have to do with anything?’ Matthias asked. He had been more agitated than ever since what had happened to Nina.

‘Shit, I don’t know how I didn’t realise this before,’ Jesper said and couldn’t keep his hands from shaking.
‘Wylan makes these phosphorus bombs. When they explode, they have blue smoke. I have never seen another demo man make them.’

Kaz had already opened his mouth, but Jesper continued talking.

‘He always told me to be careful not to breathe in the smoke of that bomb. In that alley, I held my breath on instinct. I didn’t think about it back then, but that was Wylan’s bomb.’

‘What? So Wylan has changed over to the Dime Lions or what?’ Matthias asked and looked more than a bit sceptical.

‘No, no. Wylan wouldn’t do that,’ Jesper said, and buried his hands in his hair.
‘He always wanted to keep out of the affairs of the gangs. He just helped us because I asked him, and he needed the money. He was already nervous enough about that.’

‘They might have stolen from our supply,’ Inej offered carefully.
‘Maybe there were still bombs left in Wylan’s workshop.’

Jesper didn’t even really register her words.
His breath was fast. He didn’t know what was going on and what he was supposed to do.
Could he have been so wrong about Wylan? Had he joined the Dine Lions? They certainly were better equipped than the Dregs, and maybe they had made him an offer that would get him away from his husband. Or had they captured Wylan? Or had Wylan nothing to do this after all?
He felt like he was going crazy. He didn’t know what to think anymore. The bees under his skin were going crazy and felt like they would break through any second now, with how much they were pushing against his insides.

‘Kaz, I’m gonna…’

Jesper looked up and saw Inej sitting on the edge of the already open window.
Her eyes were dark and her body tense. Kaz nodded, and with that, she disappeared over the roofs.

Jesper tried to relax even just a little bit.
Inej would find out what was going on. She would come back and tell them that the Dime Lions had a new demolitionist from maybe Ravka or something with new techniques.
Wylan had nothing to do with it.

He didn’t relax at all.
Kaz went back to his documents on his table, and Matthias stayed brooding in the corner. Jesper was left alone with his thoughts.

He started chewing his lips and his hands fiddled with his revolvers.
A few minutes later he couldn’t stay sitting and began walking up and down in the office despite his ankle. The pain was a welcome distraction.
Normally, he would talk to tune out the thoughts, but this situation felt too important to fill it with mindless chatter. It felt like his brain was eating itself alive.

The hour that followed was the longest of his life.
Even longer than the few lectures he had actually attended in university. His eyes flitted over to the window every few seconds, and his hands soon didn’t find anymore to do, so he started picking at his nails.

Was Wylan safe? That was the only thing that seemed to matter anymore.

He heard the impact of Inej on the windowsill before he saw her. His head whipped around to her.
He wanted to ask a thousand questions, but they all caught in his throat when he saw the expression on Inej’s face.

‘They have him.’

Chapter Text

The wall at Wylan’s back was cold.

It was completely dark in the room around him. The oil in the lamp they had given him had run out long ago, and it was still dark outside as well. The tiny window didn’t provide much light anyway.

He shivered slightly. He was only wearing a thin shirt, and no shoes or socks, and autumn was approaching quickly now. The nights could get cold.

Wylan let his head fall against the wall.

He couldn’t sleep despite how exhausted he was. If he was asleep he wouldn’t know if someone would come in. If he was asleep he wouldn’t notice when the sun came up so that he could continue working. There was still so much to do.

He sighed.

He didn’t know where he was. He was pretty sure that they were still in Ketterdam, but that was all. He knew that he was in some kind of basement and the window at the top of the wall went out to the floor of a courtyard or maybe a back alley.
Sometimes he heard people passing above, but they never responded to his yelling.
But it still smelled like Ketterdam and he liked to think that he would have noticed if he had been taken out of the country.

The room was small.
There was a table and a few shelves that were stacked with familiar chemicals. The table was covered in equipment.
This was how the room had been when he had woken up here. There was a door that he knew was double-locked from the outside.
The only other thing here was the bed. It stood at the other side of the room from where Wylan was sitting and seemed to stare at him. He couldn’t bring himself to lie down on it.

He sighed again.
He still didn’t quite understand what was happening. A few days ago he had gotten home from work and Richard had been still awake and waiting for him. He had made them tea. Wylan should have been more suspicious.

The conversation had started out normal.
His husband had asked about work and Wylan had answered and politely sipped the tea. He didn’t remember when the conversation turned, but suddenly Richard asked him how he had liked seeing his childhood home.
Wylan had been confused and tried to divert his husband somehow. But then he had asked about Jesper and how Wylan liked having enemy cock up his ass.
It was only then when Wylan had scrambled up and tried to get back that he noticed how heavy his limps had grown and how fog was slowly filling his brain.

Richard had stood above him with a grin and had berated him for being stupid enough to think that he wouldn’t find out.
And Wylan had felt stupid. He should have known.

The conversation had taken another turn while Wylan was lying on the floor wondering why he still wasn’t being beaten into the ground.
All of a sudden Richard had started talking about his job. How he wasn’t being respected and how he never got a fair cut of their earnings.
And then suddenly Wylan heard the name Pekka Rollins and the Dime Lions. At that point, he was already slipping into unconsciousness, but he later pieced together what must have happened.

His husband had betrayed the gang and had thrown his lot in with the Dime Lions. And he had dragged Wylan with him.
He was apparently part of the deal.

He had later found out that it had been the Dime Lions who had discovered that he was working for the Dregs and was their new source of bombs and the reason behind the successful break-in into the van Eck mansion.
When his husband had turned up on their doorstep asking to join them, they had informed him.
Richard had been so kind to tell him all that while punishing him for his betrayal. He was one to talk…

Wylan wasn’t sure how long he had been here.
He had witnessed four sunrises, but he didn’t know how long he had been unconscious. It already felt like a lifetime.

He didn’t know how long he could do this.
He wasn’t sleeping. Everything hurt and he was pretty sure that he was slowly bleeding out.
He worked the whole day until his eyes were falling shut and it still wasn’t enough.
He got food once a day, but he rarely managed to eat even half of it.
If this stayed this way he was sure that he would be dead in a month's time.

But maybe that was the goal. It wasn’t like Richard had ever honestly cared for him and he wasn’t a good enough demo man to keep forever. Right now he was an entertaining little plaything, but they would lose interest eventually.
Oh, how Wylan wished they would lose interest. It was likely that they would just kill him then.
What was there to stop them? It wasn’t like there was a deal with a father that his husband needed to uphold anymore. The deal had been with the Razorgulls and not with the Dime Lions.
He doubted anyway that his father would care.

Wylan let his head sink onto his knees.

Maybe he should start refusing food and water. Maybe that would speed the process up.

He wanted this to be over. Not only for his own sake but for that of others as well.
He was making bombs for the Dime Lions. He had tried to refuse, but he had never been strong. He had given in eventually and he would never again experience a day where he wasn’t shamed for that.

With the Dregs he had been sure that they used the bomb when necessary to protect themselves.
The Dime Lions made no such promises to him. Who knew, maybe right this moment one of his bombs was being thrown at Jesper’s head. If he died it would be Wylan’s fault.

Oh, Jesper.
What wouldn’t he give to be back at the workshop with him, to relive their last day together?
He would even take the disassociation and the yelling. Jesper had been there and he hadn’t abandoned him.
In that moment Wylan had honestly believed that everything could be okay.  That he could get out of his marriage and be together with Jesper. It had felt like a dream.

Now it felt like a dream again. Like one of his fantasies where Jesper didn’t care how broken and used he was and still wanted him. Where they would kiss and lie together in bed the whole morning long.

At that moment in the warehouse, those fantasies had felt like they were within reach, but Wylan had been right.
It was too good to be true. He should have expected that. He just would have never thought that it would be this bad.

He had always imagined a more peaceful end to his life.

Well, at least he still had his fantasies even though they were now more unreachable than ever.
Sometimes he still liked to imagine Jesper crashing through the door and pulling him to the safety of his arms. And then they would go and eat waffles and this would be nothing more than a far-off nightmare.
It was a nice thought, but he had always been a realist.

He knew that he wasn’t worth enough to start a gang war over.
Especially not with the Dime Lions.

He was just a mediocre demo man after all. He had already expended his most useful asset when he had helped to get into the van Eck mansion. There was no more use left in him.

He knew enough about Barrel politics to know that the Dregs would never have a chance against the Lions anyway. And rescuing him would certainly start a war. He knew how possessive Pekka Rollins could be over his things.
That was what Wylan was now. Property of the Dime Lions.

Yes, nobody was coming and that was okay.
Wylan wasn’t expecting them to.

-

When the door opened again Wylan wanted to cry.

It was just past midday if he read the light outside correctly and it was far from dinner time. This was too early. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?

One of the guards had just left him alone half an hour ago and Wylan’s jaw was still aching and he couldn’t waste any of his water to rinse his mouth.
There was a deep desire in him to claw his own skin off.

He already wanted to scream at them to leave him alone when he heard the key in the door.
He wished he was brave enough to just attack them, to use one of the countless chemicals right in front of him to defend himself.
But they had demonstrated him quite thoroughly on his first day what would happen if he tried to escape.

He preferred just to deal with this and not be beaten into a pulp beforehand and have to endure their touch afterward anyway. Plus they rarely came alone and locked the door behind them.
What was he supposed to do?

He felt himself just slipping into his old patterns taught by his father and husband.
Don’t speak, don’t call attention to yourself. Don’t look them in the eyes. Just agree, don’t talk back. Just let it happen and think of something else.
It helped somewhat. He didn’t have the energy to fight.

The door swung open to reveal four silhouettes.
Wylan gulped and pushed back tears. Four? How was he supposed to survive this?

The four men stepped into the room. Wylan recognized two of them instantly as two of the men that guarded him, but his gaze almost immediately drifted off them to the other two.
In the middle was a small man with a red beard and a lot of frown lines. His looks might not seem very intimidating next to the two muscle mountains, but Wylan felt himself shrinking back from that man anyway. He didn’t know who he was and he was very sure that he didn’t want to know either.

The last man was half-hidden behind the other men and it took Wylan a long moment to register who was standing there.
The broad frame, dark hair, and piercing eyes haunted him in his nightmares.
His husband Richard.

Wylan scrambled up from his seat.
His hands twisted into each other. What was expected of him now? Richard would always want to be greeted, but the guards most of the time used any opportunity when he opened his mouth to either stick something in it or to hit him for speaking out of turn.
Wylan had a feeling that both of these didn’t really matter. What mattered was what the man in the middle wanted of him.

He swallowed and lowered his head.
That was a safe choice. Silence formed between them.
Did he expect him to say something?

‘Good day, sir,’ he eventually mumbled without raising his eyes.
That was what his father had taught him. Maybe it was enough.
His hands shook.

‘So this is our little wonder child,’ the man with the beard said.
His voice was deep and sent a shiver down Wylan’s spine.
‘He doesn’t look like van Eck senior at all. But delicate enough to be a spoiled merchant kid.’

The two guards laughed. Richard chuckled.

‘Well, maybe for the better. I would certainly not fuck him if he looked like his old man,’ his husband added and Wylan felt himself flush. Even after all that had happened he still would never get used to people talking about him like this.

‘And he really has been making these bombs? I couldn’t believe it when they told me. How the fuck did Brekker know that he could use this brat?’ The man said.
‘No matter. Boy, look at me.’

Suddenly there was a hand clasped around his chin and lifted his head.
Wylan met the eyes of the red-haired man. He was a bit smaller than Wylan.
He slumped a bit. Better not to appear defiant.

‘Do you know who I am?’

‘No, sir. My apologies,’ Wylan whispered after a moment of hesitation.
He wanted to pull back to escape the touch, but he knew better than that.

‘Mmm, do you know where you are?’

‘I don’t know, sir. In custody of the Dime Lions?’ He answered.
He hoped it was the right one. The man in front of him studied him. He seemed to be waiting for something more.

‘Sir, are you Mr Pekka Rollins?’ Wylan finally asked.
He had had the suspicion since the man had entered. He had just wanted to believe that it wasn’t true.

‘Good boy,’ Rollins said and patted his cheek before releasing him.

‘So, my informants tell me that you have been working for Brekker and the Dregs, is that true?’

‘Yes, sir,’ Wylan said. There was no point in denying it. They already knew.

‘Yes, I thought so. And that while you were working for the Razorgulls and being a dutiful husband. Tsk tsk.
Your husband was quite surprised when we told him what you had been up to. A sneaky brat, aren’t you?’ Pekka said with a chuckle.
‘He threw you right in with the rest of the bargain to join us. Not that we need a new demolitionist, but Brekker has been getting annoying recently.
And who am I to pass up on a great deal?’

Wylan swallowed.
So his husband had used him as a bargaining chip to jump ship. Why was he not even surprised?

‘Well, they will find a new demo man soon enough and go back to being annoying little maggots.
Though I have to say, it was quite cute to watch that gunslinger guy run around the Barrel like a headless chicken for two days. They all were quite confused as to where you had disappeared to,’ Pekka continued.

Wylan’s breath caught. Jesper had been looking for him?
Oh, he hoped that he was doing okay. The Dime Lions were a wasp nest that should never be poked too hard. He still couldn’t help a little flutter of butterflies in his stomach.

‘But even he stopped, of course. I am sure that they have figured out by now that you have just upgraded your gang.’

The butterflies fell lifeless to the ground.
Of course. That was what it must look like to others. Wylan swallowed down tears. He had known that nobody was coming for him, but to think that they believed he betrayed them was a bit too much.
Oh, what he wouldn’t do be alone so that he could crumble to the ground and cry.

‘My sources tell me that you spent a lot of time with that Gunslinger. Jesper Fahey, isn’t that right?’ Pekka continued.

Wylan jerked his head up. His eyes were wide. He felt like all air was knocked out of him.
Had they done something to him? Was Jesper save? He didn’t care if he ever got out of this Ghezen-forsaken room, but he wouldn't let his friends be hurt if he could prevent it.

‘Would be a shame if something happened to that pretty face of his, mh? Good thing that you are loyal to me and the Dime Lions. Right, boy?’ Pekka said.
‘These bombs of yours have been helpful and my men tell me that you have been keeping their spirits up as well. I like that.’

Wylan swallowed. He tried to get his shaking under control. He understood the implications.

‘So, boy. Where do your loyalties lie?’

‘The Dime Lions and you, Mr Rollins,’ Wylan whispered.
He felt a tear running down his cheek.

‘Aren’t you forgetting something, darling?’ Richard spoke up for the first time.
‘Who is the man who secured us this wonderful position? Mhm?’

For a second Wylan bit his lip and wanted to refuse to answer.
That asshole was the reason why he was here in this mess and not with Jesper in the Crow Club where he belong. Well, where he wanted to belong.

‘And to my husband,’ he finally bit out.
The words tasted like ash on his tongue. He didn’t look up from the ground to see Richard’s grin.

‘That’s a good boy,’ Richard said with a leer.

Rollins nodded.
‘I just came here to see the boy everybody is talking about. It is good to know that you are maybe not as stupid as your husband has been telling me,’ he said.
‘I think we will see each other very soon again, Wylan. There are some questions I need to ask you. But I am sure that you will be more than helpful. Won’t you?’

Wylan remained motionless.
They were going to want information on the Dregs. But he didn’t know anything.
Not that he wanted to sell out his friends, but he knew how gangs like these asked their questions. There would come a time when he would wish that he had something to tell them.
Kaz Brekker had been smart not to let him in on anything. He must have planned for this.

Wylan still nodded after a moment.
He was sure that his face was whiter than a piece of paper. His hands shook.
Pekka stared at him for a moment before he nodded, satisfied.

‘I have other business to attend to,’ the boss finally said and turned to the door.

‘What? You’re not gonna join us, boss?’ One of the guards asked with a grin.
‘He really is good. Rich here really trained him up well.’

‘I have no interest in skinny, used-up whores,’ Pekka said with one last glance at Wylan.
‘But you boys have fun.’

‘Thanks, Mr Rollins,’ his husband replied and Wylan could nearly hear the slime dripping from his voice.
‘And thank you again for the opportunity. If I had spent just another minute under that old fuck’s boot I would have gone insane. It’s good to be part of a real gang.’

Pekka nodded and left the room with a smirk.

With that Wylan was left alone with the two guards and his husband.
A shiver ran down his back. He knew what ‘fun’ most of the time these days meant for him. His body was already protesting at the thought.

The two guards took a step closer to him.
Wylan took a step back and found the wall behind him.
He felt his breath speed up. No, he couldn’t get away physically, but he could let his mind wander. He was good at that.
He drew in a shaky breath. His mind remained in the here and now. All he could think about was the two mountains of muscle in front of him and Richard at the door. The locked door.
He couldn’t run.

Wylan felt tears prickling in his eyes once again.
He really should be used to this by now, shouldn’t he?

In his desperation, he looked over to Richard.
His husband had always been possessive of him. Surely he wouldn’t take kindly to these other men touching what was his. Maybe Wylan could just take care of him and not of the others.

‘What are you looking at me with those big eyes, whore?’ Richard laughed.

Everything in Wylan constricted.

‘What? Did you think I have a problem with this?’ His husband continued to laugh.
‘I was the one who told them they could take what they wanted. You think I would want a husband that has been used as the Dreg’s cumdumster?’

Wylan opened his mouth to protest, but Richard raised a hand.
Wylan’s mouth fell shut.

‘Do think I don’t know how you got them to take you in. You always knew how to use that cute face and ass of yours. Did you even let Brekker get a piece? I heard he likes to fuck people with that cane of his. Did you let him tear up your hole?’

Wylan felt sick.
His husband sat down on the chair and rested his arms on his legs. He grinned. He looked at Wylan and his eyes seemed to drill right through him. He wanted to curl up and hide.

‘Wylan, I always knew that you were a stupid slut. Your father knew it too, right? But even I didn’t think that you be stupid enough to do something like that.
You had a nice flat, a warm bed, food in your stomach, and a job. Hell, I even let you go outside the house. I let you handle money. I was nice to you!
And then you go and throw it all away for some Zemini cock and some other idiots that told you were worth more than your last name and your hole.
I can’t believe that you thought I would never find out.
Well, I guess you can’t expect much more from an idiot. Good that I am not one.’

Richard grinned and Wylan looked to the ground.
He knew that his husband wasn’t a good person and that he was saying those things to hurt Wylan.

He knew that Jesper would want him not to believe them, but Richard wasn’t lying. Wylan was stupid. He had never been worth more than what the van Eck name had granted him.
Yes, he could make bombs, but his skills ended there.
Jesper’s voice in the back of his head faintly whispered. Jesper wanted to tell him that Wylan was smart, and precious, and wonderful.

He pushed the voice away.
He didn’t want to have Jesper here in a moment like this. He wouldn’t allow that wonderful voice to be tainted by what was about to happen.
Maybe it would come back later when they were done to soothe Wylan. That would be nice.

Richard sighed.
‘You made your decision the minute your spread your legs for that Fahey scum all those weeks back. Still can’t believe that I just let you off back then. Anyway, your decision. Now deal with the consequences. A worthless idiot of a whore gets treated as one.’

Now tears were freely running down Wylan’s face.

‘Have fun, guys. I will watch for now,’ Richard said to the guards.

Wylan heard it only as a faint whisper.
Finally, his mind was slipping away.

Somebody pushed him to his knees. He went down easily. Reflexively he opened his mouth and let his jaw fall slack. Yeah, he was getting good at this.
It wasn’t worth the struggle.

‘Damn, Rich. You didn’t exaggerate. Little whore. That eager for it already? Better give you something to do with those lips,’ somebody above him said.
The words just flowed over Wylan’s body as a cock was pushed into his mouth.

Wylan began going through one of his favorite songs on the flute.
He didn’t feel anything.

Still, he hoped that it would be over quickly.

-

A week after Wylan had woken up in the room he first considered just ending it all.

Everything hurt. He couldn’t move without pain.
There was no chance of escape, no promise of healing.

His skin crawled all over as if there were a thousand spiders all over him.
He would prefer the spiders.
He wanted to wash. He wanted a nice hot bath. But of course, luxuries like that weren’t for stupid whores. He was lucky when they threw a bucket of water on him after they were done.

He was just so tired.
Even more tired than he had been while working in the Golden Seagull.
Oh, how happy and good and far away his time there seemed now.

The tiredness had seeped into every part of him. It seemed to be all that he was made of now was exhaustion.

The worst of all was that there was no end in sight.
No hope. It would just keep on going until he died. And that day was coming closer by the day.
His body wouldn’t be able to keep this up for much longer. He couldn’t keep this up.

Wylan pressed his eyes shut and tried to hold back a cackle.
With his luck, he would be literally fucked to death. If that wasn’t a disgraceful death.

So why not end his suffering a little earlier?
It would be the smart thing to do.

Right now all he was doing was contributing to the Dime Lions.
He was still building bombs even though he didn’t have a lot of time for that anymore with how popular he had become. He was of course still beaten if he didn’t deliver on time, but he couldn’t find it in him to care anymore.

He knew that his bombs were not being used for good.
Not only was he suffering, but he was also helping the gang cause suffering. That was even worse.

If something were to happen to him then that would stop.
Of course, the Dime Lions would have other sources for demolition recourses, but they would have to pay for it. That would mean less money going into the pockets of his so-called husband and all of these other men.

Wylan wasn’t dumb enough to think that he would actually have an impact.
He was just one boy and that was the most powerful gang of the Barrel, but wouldn’t it be nice if he could use his death to annoy or at least inconvenience these assholes.
Maybe he could even find a way to pull Richard into this so that they would throw him out of the gang again. Or even better, kill him. Even though Wylan would really enjoy doing that himself.
Well, you couldn’t have everything in life. Or in this case, death.

He smiled slightly. There was no joy in it.

He would certainly die satisfied if he could manage that.
That would be good enough if he couldn’t have a nice, peaceful death.

He just couldn’t see any reason why he should stay here.
He had given up hope of rescue. He had given up hope of escaping. He had given up hope of it ending.

He would mourn the life he could have had.
Things had started to look up in the last few weeks.
He had had friends. He had had a job that he actually liked. He had had a future. It hadn’t been much and it really had been the opposite of stable and secure, but it had been enough for him.
Of course there still had been the threat of Richard hanging over his head at all times, but he had had hope. That was gone now.

All that he had now were faint dreams and hopes of another life that seemed to be a lot further away than just a week.
Had it really only been seven days since he had been out on the streets? Eight days since he had made plans for the future and kissed Jesper?

Oh, Jesper.
He would miss Jesper. If you could even miss someone when you were dead. A part of him hoped that Jesper would miss him too.

Jesper really had been his knight in shining armor, his personal saint.
He had shown Wylan what life could be like. He had been the reason for Wylan’s hope. Jesper had believed in him and that somehow had been enough. With Jesper he had felt like he could do anything, even stand against his father and his husband.

When he had finally given in to his emotions and had kissed Jesper he had been sure that he ruined it again.
At the latest when he had screamed at Jesper and told him how worthless he was he had expected the other man to leave. He wouldn’t have blamed him for it.
But Jesper stayed and said so many beautiful and unbelievable things and he had helped. And then they had kissed again.

Wylan was thankful that he had gotten to experience real love before he died. He now was very sure that that was the emotion that almost made his chest burst whenever he saw Jesper.
He still couldn’t believe that Jesper had actually wanted him, wanted to be with him. Even though Wylan was so broken, and stupid, and wrong. Jesper didn’t seem to see that.

Yes, Jesper was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to him.
He would forever be grateful. His last thoughts would certainly be of that man and of the Wylan in a far-off universe where he had been lucky enough to keep Jesper. Where he had actually deserved that.

He smiled at the thought. It was a nice idea.
He would cherish every memory he had with Jesper, but that was all he could do.

Wylan let his head fall back against the wall.
There was a hole in his chest and it was getting bigger with each passing moment. He didn’t know how to fill it. He didn’t know if it could be filled.

He sighed.

Now he had a different problem.
He was a coward. He had thought about every possible method to end his life, but whenever he decided that he would just swallow some of the various poisonous powders on the table his hands began to shake. Whenever he decided he would try to escape and just let them kill him he froze up when the door opened.

He wanted to scream.
He couldn’t even manage to kill himself. He really was a stupid, worthless moron.
What kind of a man couldn’t even kill himself? A spineless coward, that was what he was. That and a complete idiot.

He had now decided that he would just stop to eat or drink.
It was the easiest thing he could think of that he could actually manage. He may have a high tolerance for hunger, but most humans died after about three days without liquid. That was something he could do.

He only feared that they would discover what he was doing.
He wasn’t scared of them punishing him, but Pekka’s words still rang in his ears. He couldn’t let anything happen to Jesper. He couldn’t let them take out his stupidity on Jesper.

There might not be any fight or hope left in him anymore, but there was loyalty.
He would never give up on his friends.
They were the one good thing that had happened to him here and he would not lose that.

Chapter Text

Jesper breathed in the smoky air and knocked back another shot.

The men around him were laughing, no less drunk than he was.

The den was shabby at best and Jesper didn’t want to look too closely at the ground, but that didn’t matter.
There were cards in his hands, revolvers on his belt, and alcohol in his blood. That was all he needed.

He pulled his top hat a bit deeper into his face and smirked at his opponents before he put his hand down. The groans and curses from the other men were like a symphony to his ears.

‘Well, gents. Better luck next time,’ he said.
His voice was only slightly slurred.

One of the men spit on the table and cursed.
‘Next round, Fahey,’ he said.
‘Let’s see how long you can keep that money.’

Jesper just grinned and started giving out the cards.

All his opponents looked mean and if they would bite if they needed to. He knew that this was not a good crowd to play with, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

He waved over at the person who qualified as a bartender here.
He needed some more alcohol. His thoughts were still too loud.

He picked up his cards and grinned at the other men. They grinned back.

‘Then, let’s play.’

-

Jesper couldn’t believe how long all of this was taking.

It wasn’t supposed to take this long. They didn’t have the time. Wylan was out there and they needed to get him out. Who knew what was happening to him at this very moment?

He was chewing on his nails again.
His head was a bit fuzzy.

He had pulled his legs up into the chair with himself and watched Inej and Kaz as they discussed something with lowered voices. He couldn’t hear them and didn’t have the energy to focus on anything anyway.

Matthias was studying a document in his hands.
Jesper was really surprised at how much time Matthias was dedicating to their plan to rescue Wylan. He always had thought that he didn’t like Wylan or was at best neutral to him.
It was very welcome of course.

Nina was also here.
She sat in the armchair as usual and rested her head in her hand. She was still recovering, but Matthias hadn’t been able to convince her to stay in bed after she had heard what was happening.
Jesper of course told her that she should rest and recover, but he was secretly grateful for her presence.

Three days had now passed since they had discovered where Wylan was and Jesper was getting more restless with every passing hour. He hadn’t slept in the last two days.
He had tried, but his thoughts wouldn’t let him rest.

He didn’t even want to think about what he had done in the meantime.
While everyone was running themselves into an early grave in an effort to find Wylan he had gone and had lost all the money he owned and had gotten drunk enough that he didn’t remember if he had lost it in a game or if he had been robbed after. Not that it mattered.

The guilt was eating away at his intestines and he was working on shoving those memories as far back as he could. Maybe he would deal with them later. When Wylan was safe.
What had he been thinking?

When Inej had come with the news he had been ready to storm the Emerald Palace immediately and on his own if he needed to.
It had taken a lot of convincing on Inej’s part to keep him in the office. After he had calmed down a bit he had of course realised that he would never actually help Wylan that way, but a part of him was still a fan of that plan.

Especially because this was taking ages.
It was already night again and the noises of the crowds below were drifting up to them. He couldn’t believe was slowly and how fast at the same time the hours were passing.

Their first problem had been that they didn’t actually know where exactly Wylan was.
The Dime Lions were a big gang and didn’t have a singular focus point like the Dregs did with the Slat and the Crow Club. They had many clubs, bases, warehouses, and brothels under their control, and even with Inej, it had taken them two days to find out Wylan’s exact location.
He was being held in one of the bigger bases of the gang close to the industrial district. It wasn’t an easy location to break into.

She also hadn’t been able to find out where in the building Wylan was and what they were doing with him.
She thought that they probably had some kind of workshop for him since he was making demolition for them, but that didn’t do a lot to help them.

The only reason why they even knew that much was because Inej had been lucky and had overheard two Dime Lions talking about Wylan while leaving that building.

Since Inej had told them about this this morning they had started planning how they would proceed now.
And of course, it was taking too much time again.

Now that Jesper knew where he needed to go it had become increasingly hard to remain here and watch them plan. He wanted to finally do something.

The problem now was that they were up against the Dime Lions.
They may have the manpower to just bust in there and get Wylan out, but that would mean that they risk an all-out open war with the other gang.
They just weren’t equipped to go up against the man who called himself the ‘King of the Barrel’. And who knew, even if they managed to save Wylan, but then started a war then there was no guarantee that they would just kidnap Wylan again. It would all be for nothing.

Jesper raised his head a bit and looked at the table.
Inej had sat down on the edge and Matthias had stepped back to talk to Nina. Jesper’s gaze moved over them without really registering much, but it caught on Kaz.
Kaz was staring at a map of Ketterdam. His lips were pressed to a thin line, and his hand gripped his cane hard. His eyes seemed to burn a hole into the paper on the table.

Jesper swallowed. Kaz was always very intense, but this was a level he normally only saw during the most difficult and risky jobs.
Kaz was taking this seriously.

A bit of warmth spread through Jesper’s chest.
Kaz liked to act as if he didn’t care about anybody or anything and least of all ‘replaceable’ assents, but then it came to it he protected all of them with the fierceness that had earned him his place at the top of the Barrel.
Jesper was just glad to see that this protection seemed to extend to Wylan, even though Kaz always acted like he was annoyed by the other man.

Jesper also had the suspicion that Kaz did not take kindly to the fact that it was Pekka Rollins of all people who had taken someone he considered his.
Jesper had never understood where it came from, but the hate Kaz Brekker felt for the boss of the Dime Lions was immeasurable.
Jesper was beginning to share it.

He had trust in his team.
He knew that together they would find a way to rescue Wylan. There had to be a way.

One more reason to take this seriously as well and not go off gambling and drinking.
He really hoped the others didn’t know where he had been, but that was just wishful thinking. Inej knew everything that happened in their crew and Kaz knew whatever Inej knew.

He was ripped from his thoughts by Inej who hopped down from the table and cleared her throat.

‘I am going to scout that out,’ she said and Kaz nodded.

She turned to Jesper.
‘Jesper, I know that you don’t want to, but please get some sleep. Get Nina to put you to sleep if you need to, but right now you are slowly dying on that chair. If everything goes well then we can make our move tomorrow. You will need the energy.’

Jesper opened his mouth to protest but shut it again.
He was pretty sure that he wouldn’t be able to sleep, but Inej was right. He wasn’t of any use to Wylan like this.

Being able to make a move tomorrow sounded promising. It was enough to motivate him at least a little bit. Maybe he would see Wylan tomorrow.

He nodded slowly and Inej smiled at him.

‘Don’t worry, I will wake you as soon as something happens or we have a plan,’ she said and Jesper returned her smile weakly.

He stood up while Inej went to the window.
She nodded at Matthias and Nina before looking back to Kaz one last time. He looked back with a grim expression.
Then she disappeared.

Jesper sighed and turned to the others.

‘I’m going to do what she says and please, Nina, do the same. Inej and Matthias would kill us all if you faint,’ he said.
Nina nodded. She looked as tired as Jesper felt.

He waved at them and left the room.
If we went straight to his bed then there would be no temptation of stealing some money and finding a table again. He could manage that.

His heart still felt like it was pulling him down to the ground, but at least the bees underneath his skin weren’t trying to kill him anymore.
They were making a plan. By the end of the week, he would have Wylan back. They could do that.

He tried to keep these thoughts in his mind as he fell into his bed and closed his eyes.

-

Jesper wanted to hit his head on the table until he lost consciousness.

It was now two days since they all had met.
Well, it was still early morning so only a full day had passed since, but it still felt like forever.

The good thing was that he had actually slept and was able to contribute to the conversation this time.
He was still more than a bit embarrassed about his behavior in the last few days. All he had done was worry his friends and get in their way with his tantrums, basically negative cooperation and for Ghezen’s sake, getting blackout drunk.
Wylan would be disappointed.

But he planned on making up for it.
He was awake, sober, and here now. He had drunk a coffee or three and was ready for whatever Kaz would lay on him. Well, not everything, but at least every plan he could have come up with.
If there was no plan then Jesper would just storm the building anyway. Gang war be damned. But that probably wouldn’t be necessary. Kaz Brekker always had a plan.

He was glad that he wasn’t panicking anymore, but now it felt like all his emotions floated far above his head out of reach.
He was aware that they were there, but they didn’t quite seem to reach him.
It was very welcome to finally be able to think a clear thought, but it also left him feeling empty and even lost. There was just something missing. But he was sure that all of this would solve itself as soon as they got Wylan back.

They were sitting around one of the gambling tables in the Crow Club.
Nobody else was here thanks to the hour.

Nina had again dragged herself out of bed against the protests of Matthias and sat next to Jesper.
She had squeezed his shoulder as a greeting and Jesper didn’t want to admit how much he had needed that.
Matthias had nodded to him in his usual nonverbal way.
Both of them were on his side and so were all the others. It assured him at least a little bit.

Inej and Kaz were discussing something at the bar but were now coming over to them.
Jesper began fidgeting with a shot glass that had been left on the table.

Kaz stopped next to him and placed both his gloved hands on the table. Inej sat down next to him. He looked into the round with a grim expression.

‘Okay, we have a plan,’ Kaz said and Jesper could feel a weight being lifted from his shoulders.
He hadn’t realized how anxious he really had been. Suddenly he could breathe again.
It was okay now. Kaz had a plan.

‘We move tonight. It is going to be a busy evening and we will need that for our distraction. Nina, Matthias, and Inej, you are responsible for that distraction,’ he began and nodded to Inej.

Jesper immediately opened his mouth to ask what the plan was.
Now that they were planning he could feel his energy and enthusiasm returning, but Kaz interrupted him.

‘Nina, I want you to keep out of it as much as you can. We can not afford to lose our heartrender in a moment like this,’ he continued.
‘Matthias, I want you at the Dime Lion's den in the west. Inej will fill you in on what exactly to do.
Nina, I need you to go to the Razorgull base at the harbor. You know where it is. I need three or four Razorgulls to be seen in the East Stave tonight, yes? I don’t care how. Inej will take care of the Emerald Palace.’

‘Can we know what we are actually doing here?’ Nina asked and rolled her eyes.

Kaz stared at her for a moment.
‘No,’ he said and turned to Jesper.

Jesper could see Inej behind Kaz also slightly rolling her eyes. He had to repress a grin himself.

He would also love to know the whole plan and why they were doing what they were doing, but he knew that that wish would never be fulfilled.
Of course, Kaz Brekker and open communication? That was impossible. Nobody was ever allowed to know the whole plan.
It always annoyed Jesper, but especially this time since it was Wylan’s life on the line. Well, they would find out later.
There was no point in prying. The less he asked the faster they would get to saving.

‘Jesper, you and I will get Wylan out. We will make it look like he ran away on his own. This time we can not allow them to pin this on us, understood?’

Jesper hesitated a moment but then nodded.
This was the best plan. It would probably include a lot less shooting and beating up Wylan’s captors than he would like, but if it got Wylan out then he wouldn’t complain.
It would keep his friends safe as well.

‘Get everything you need and then we will meet at ten in front of Wylan’s location,’ Kaz said.
‘Any questions?’

Before anyone could open their mouth to ask one he turned around.

‘Good, let’s do this quickly and quietly and we won’t have problems. Tomorrow all of this will be done.’

The hope that warmed Jesper’s chest was an emotion he really had missed in the last few days.
Everything would be okay, one way or another.
They were getting Wylan out and with Kaz Brekker on his side, what could go wrong?

-

Finally, finally, he got to do something.

Well, not quite yet.

Jesper stood pressed against the wall in the shadow. The moon was covered by clouds and a warm breeze blew. It was quiet except for a few far of cats fighting. The only light came from a lone street lamp above them.

Jesper clutched his rifle to his chest and tried to even out his breathing.

Kaz next to him had crouched to the floor and was fiddling with the lock of the back door of the Dime Lion hideout.

Wylan was in this building.
Jesper maybe was only a few meters away from him. For all they knew, Wylan could be right on the other side of this wall. Only a few more minutes and he would see him again.
Jesper couldn’t believe how close they were now after what felt like ages of panic and worry.
They could do this.

The door opened with a soft click and Kaz stood back up.
He looked at Jesper.

He didn’t say anything, but it was clear what that pointed look meant. Jesper couldn’t fuck this up. Fucking this up would mean war with the Dime Lions. Fucking this up meant Wylan being killed. Nobody could know that they were here.

They entered the building quietly. The room behind the door was dark and Kaz made no move to light a lamp. It was just faintly illuminated by the streetlamp outside.

Kaz moved through the room and Jesper noticed once again how quietly he moved for a man that used a cane.
It was like he was floating over the ground. Jesper followed but was sure that he was making a lot more noise than his boss.

Kaz led them into an even darker corridor.
Now that they were inside the base Jesper could feel his anxiety building more and more with every step. Behind every door could be Wylan or a group of thugs that would mean immediate failure.

It was still offputtingly quiet.
Wasn’t this place supposed to be crawling with Dime Lions? It was of course late, but not late enough for gang members to be sleeping. It made Jesper’s skin crawl.

Kaz moved as if he owned the place.
It partly reassured Jesper, but also made him more anxious than ever. Kaz walked without hesitation to the end of the corridor.
He stopped in front of a door and looked over his shoulder to Jesper. Jesper nodded and gripped his weapon.

Kaz pulled the door open and revealed a narrow staircase that led into the dark of a basement.
Jesper let go of the breath that he had been holding.
Of course, Kaz had known exactly where they needed to go. He probably had the blueprint for every single house in Ketterdam somewhere in his office.

When they had discussed their plan on the roof of a neighbouring house they had agreed that it was the most likely that Wylan was being held somewhere in the basement.
It was not only easier to guard, but if Wylan was really making bombs for them, then they wouldn’t want him anywhere near the flammable wooden beams and roof of the higher levels of the house.
It would also be the hardest to escape from.

They began descending the stairs.
They were old and creaked with every step. Jesper winced with each little noise they were making.
The end of the stairs came far too quickly and he stopped behind Kaz who seemed to be listening at the door.
Jesper was pretty sure that the other man could hear his heartbeat as well. It felt like his heart would jump out of his chest any second now.
Kaz pushed the door open.
This corridor wasn’t dark. There were two oil lamps at the end that illuminated the low ceiling, a few doors, and two men sitting before a door.
One of them was clearly sleeping and the other was picking at his fingernails with a knife. Neither of them had noticed them yet.

Jesper held his breath again and looked over to his boss.
Looked like they had found what they were looking for. What other reason was there to guard a door in a basement if there wasn’t a prisoner in there?

Kaz moved slowly forward. Jesper followed. It was only a matter of time before the man would look up from his dirty hands and notice them.

Kaz jumped suddenly.

Jesper startled only for a second but followed.

The man tried to get up and opened his mouth, but before he could yell Kaz's cane connected with his head.
Jesper swiped his rifle at his legs and the man fell to the ground.
Jesper hoped that Kaz’s hit had killed him.

He took a step bag.

Suddenly pain exploded in Jesper’s shoulder.

The other man behind him had woken up.
His knife was buried in Jesper’s shoulder.

He suppressed a yell and swiped at the man.
His fist connected with a crunch with the nose of the man.

Jesper didn’t hesitate and followed with the end of his rifle. He got the man in the throat.
The Dime Lion wheezed and fell to the ground.

Jesper raised his leg and stomped down on the head of the guy as hard as he could.

Then he stumbled back and clutched his shoulder.
The man was unconscious or maybe dead. Good.

He turned to Kaz who checked over the other man.

‘Dead?’ Jesper asked, still breathing heavily.

‘Yes,’ Kaz answered.
‘You okay?’

‘Yes, didn’t hit anything important,’ Jesper said and hoped that that was true.
He would worry about that later. He crouched down next to the man. He began looking through his pockets.

‘I have the key,’ Kaz said.

Jesper scrambled up and didn’t even register the pain in his arm.

Kaz held the little metal thing up to him and he snatched it.
It took him what felt like hours to get the key in the hole in the door.

He finally pushed the door open and then hesitated.
What would he find in the room? Was Wylan even here? Was he alive?

He pushed the doubts aside and stepped into the room.
It was dark. Jesper blinked and tried to make out where he was when Kaz followed in with one of the lamps.

The light flowed over a table and chair full of supplies Jesper knew from Wylan’s workshop. The light halted on a bed in the corner of the room. There was nobody on it.

Jesper felt his heart sink. Then the light caught on something lying on the floor.
He took a step closer and then nearly fell over his own feet trying to get to the body.

‘Wylan?’ He asked.
‘Wylan, can you hear me?’

He fell to his knees at Wylan’s side.
The other man didn’t show any reaction.

Jesper gently turned him over by the shoulder. Wylan’s face came into the shine of the lamp.
It took Jesper a moment to recognise the person before him. Wylan’s left eye was swollen shut. His lip was split and there was a bleeding gash over his eyebrow. His neck was encircled by a deep ring of bruises.

‘Oh, Wylan,’ Jesper whispered while he checked for pulse.
He slumped a bit when he found the gentle beating with his fingers.

‘I am here, darling. Don’t worry. It’s all gonna be okay,’ Jesper said.
His hands shook as he wiped Wylan’s blood-wet hair from his forehead.

‘Jesper, hurry up,’ Kaz said from the door. His voice was tense.

‘Yes, yes. Of course,’ Jesper mumbled.
‘Come on, Wylan. I am gonna get you out of here. Don’t worry. It’s all okay now.’

He ignored the pain in his shoulder as he slid his arms under Wylan’s too-light frame and lifted him off the ground.

Wylan stirred. He didn’t quite open his eyes, but his body went tense and his breath sped up.

‘Please,’ his voice was the faint that Jesper almost couldn’t hear him.
‘No more, please. I’m sorry.’

‘Hey, hey, Wylan. It’s me. It’s Jesper. Don’t worry,’ Jesper said and turned to the door with the other man in his arms.
Kaz was still at the table but gestured for him to move.

‘No, please. No, let me… Not him,’ Wylan whispered.

‘Wylan, look at me. You’re okay. We are getting out of here,’ Jesper said and tried not to cry as he climbed over the bodies in the door.

Wylan’s right eye slowly opened a little bit. Jesper smiled down at him.

‘Jesper?’ Wylan asked with a shaking voice.

‘Yes, darling. You are out. You are safe,’ Jesper said.

‘Oh, this is a nice dream. You came for me? Jesper… I… I am sorry.’

‘Not a dream. I am very real. You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay now. I will never let anything happen to you again. I promise you,’ Jesper said as he ran up the stairs.
He found himself meaning every word. He would rather die than let Wylan be hurt ever again.

The house shook in an explosion.
Jesper clutched Wylan to his chest. Kaz was just making the escape look believable.

They actually had done it.
Wylan was in his arms. He was safe.

Jesper nearly fell out on the street outside and found himself breathing freely for the first time in days.

They had done it.

It was over.

Chapter Text

Jesper was at Wylan’s side the second that Nina left the room.

She had very insistently sent him to the chair in the corner of the room while she had worked on Wylan.
She had said something about how he was just in the way and that he should be lucky that she even let him stay in the room.

He sat down carefully on the edge of the bed and looked down at Wylan.

He looked awfully pale on the white sheets. He still didn’t look good overall.
Nina had done what she could, but the side of his face was still discolored and the bruises on his neck were also visible. He was also way too thin and looked a bit sick.
At least he seemed to be in deep sleep now. His face was relaxed and he was breathing evenly.

Jesper smiled down at him and brushed one of Wylan’s curls from his forehead.

He still wasn’t quite sure that this wasn’t a dream.
It had all gone so smoothly. Well, except for the knife to his shoulder. But Nina had closed up the wound and now there was just a faint aching that still reminded him of it.

Inej had also said that their mission had gone as planned.
Everything had worked out and now Wylan was lying here on the bed in a backroom of the Crow Club and was peacefully sleeping. Jesper felt lighter than he had in years.

‘Just sleep and get better,’ he began mumbling while slowly petting Wylan’s hair.
‘Everything is okay now. We got you out. You will never have to go back. Everything is okay now. I promise you that. Just rest now.’

He felt tears rising in his eyes as he talked, more to himself than to Wylan.

Nina hadn’t said a lot while she was treating Wylan, but what she had said about broken bones, bruised organs, and Ghezen, tearing, had been enough to paint a picture.
Wylan had been through hell.

Jesper swallowed.

He knew Inej would tell him that they had done what they could and that they had gotten him out, but Jesper couldn’t help but feel guilty. If he had just noticed earlier or had been smart enough to look in the right places, then maybe they had found Wylan earlier. Maybe they could have prevented his.

Hell, if Jesper hadn’t been such a coward and had actually opened his mouth to ask what was going on in his home with his husband, then he could have stopped all this before it even happened.
He had known Wylan for months now and he had known for nearly as long that there was something going on between Wylan and his husband. He should have just asked.

Ghezen, the things Nina had just healed Wylan from were probably nothing new for him.
To think now how long Wylan had been dealing with this abuse and… and rape right in front of Jesper’s nose just made him sick.
How could he have been such an idiot? How could he have been so blind?

He had hesitated too long and now the proof of his failure was lying in front of him.
He would never forgive himself for this.

A tear fell from his cheek onto Wylan’s blanket.
He wanted to roll into a ball and cry for hours. He wanted to disappear forever. He wanted to find a gambling table and drink until he passed out. He wanted to vomit his guts out.

And he wasn’t even the one who had suffered all this! He had no right to feel this way, no right to cry and feel as horrible as he did.
Just imagine how horrible Wylan must feel!

Wylan was lying right there looking like a saint fallen from the heavens and broken by the earth.

He was still alive despite all and he had lived with people abusing him all his life.
Jesper couldn’t even fathom how strong this man was. He knew that he would have never survived what Wylan had survived.
In all his despair he still admired Wylan and couldn’t help but be glad that he had met him even though the circumstances had been so horrible.

Jesper buried his face in his hand and breathed out, shaking.
He tried to get his breathing back under control. He wiped the tears from his eyes even though more were still coming.

He couldn’t change the past, but he could make sure that in the future nothing like this would ever happen again. He would spend every coming day making up for his mistakes.
That was the least he could do. That was what he owed Wylan.

He would also really like to find van Eck, Gendill, and Rollins and shoot them so full of holes that they looked like Ravkan cheese.
Then he would sleep soundly knowing that those bastards were rotting in hell.
But that wasn’t his choice to make. He had failed Wylan too often to now take this choice from him. But Wylan just needed to say one word and Jesper would be ready. He would gladly have Wylan the weapon or do the killing himself, but it needed to be Wylan’s choice. Too many choices had been taken from him.

Jesper smiled grimly. Yes, that was good.
On Wylan’s command, he would do or not do whatever Wylan wanted.

He looked back down at the sleeping man.

If Wylan was awake then he would probably first tell Jesper that murder was immoral before detailing the bomb or the poison he would use to kill a man while looking like innocence itself.

Jesper laughed through his tears. It was a ragged sound, but it made him feel at least a little bit better even though it hurt.

That was why Wylan was so special.
He always seemed to alien to the Barrel life and still fit right in and with every day that Jesper had watched him work he had gained more respect for him and had also realized how dangerous this man could be.

He stood up, careful not to disturb Wylan, and dragged his chair from the corner to the bed.
He sat down and stretched out his legs.

He couldn’t do anything right now so he would just have to wait for Wylan to wake up.
Oh, how he wished he would wake up and tell him everything was okay. Jesper would do anything to hear his voice right now.

But Wylan right now needed his rest and Jesper wouldn’t leave his side until he came back to them.

-

It was late evening when Wylan stirred.

Jesper had been only half awarely watching the crows outside the window when Wylan suddenly shifted and groaned, lifting a hand to his head.

Jesper was up in a second and at the bed.
Wylan had screwed his eyes shut and was rubbing his forehead. He coughed.

‘Wylan?’ He carefully asked.
If he was just turning over he didn’t want to wake Wylan fully. He looked like he really needed the rest. But Jesper really hoped that he was waking up. He couldn’t stand this silence any longer.

‘Please…,’ Wylan got out between two coughs.
His eyes were still closed.

‘I’m sorry. I’m awake. Please, I am sorry,’ he mumbled and was clearly making efforts to get up.

‘Hey, hey, Wylan. It’s okay. It’s me, Jesper,’ Jesper said and carefully pushed Wylan back onto the cushions.
Nina had prescribed him absolute bed rest and Jesper really didn’t want to be the target of her rage.

Wylan suddenly went completely rigged under his touch and let himself be pushed back into the bed.

‘Please, don’t…’ he got out, but then bit his lip and went still.

Jesper watched in horror as Wylan obviously tried to get his breathing under control, but his muscles remained tense.

‘Hey, you're safe. Wylan, it’s me. Please, open your eyes,’ he whispered and slowly removed his hand from Wylan’s shoulder.

The other man opened his eyes and blinked.
It took him a few seconds to focus on Jesper, but then his eyes went wide.

‘Jesper?’ He asked and coughed again.
‘But how…? Why? Oh, Ghezen. Please. Did they get you too? Oh, no. I am so so sorry. Jesper…’

Tears began running down Wylan’s cheeks and his hands tugged on Jesper’s sleeve.
Jesper opened his mouth to reply, but no words would come out.

‘I am so sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t want to help them, but…but. I am just sorry. How did they get you? Oh, Ghezen.
We will find a way to get you out of here. I am sure. Brekker will be looking for you. He will come for you.
I am sorry that I couldn’t keep them away. I really tried. I am so sorry,’ Wylan rambled while looking around frantically.
‘Don’t worry. I won’t let them touch you. We can do this. I am so sorry.’

Jesper finally managed to interrupt Wylan even though his voice was shaking.

‘Wylan, please stop. Take a deep breath. Can you do that for me? Deep breath in and out,’ he said, and Wylan actually followed his instructions.
‘Okay, you are doing so good. Now, can you look around, please? This is not the Dime Lion house. You are in the Crow Club. We are in the room below Kaz’s office. We brought you here because it was closer. We needed to treat you. You are safe.’

Wylan blinked again and began looking around the room.
His breathing evened out while he observed every part of the room. It took a few minutes and Jesper needed to force himself not to start talking again.

Wylan finally nodded and his gaze returned to Jesper.
‘I am in the Crow Club?’ He asked very carefully like he couldn’t really believe it.
‘But how?’

‘Yes, you are in the Crow Club. The Club is right under us. We got you out last night and then brought you here. Nina treated your injuries and you have been sleeping since then,’ Jesper explained.

The information seemed to very slowly flow into Wylan’s brain.

‘You got me out? But I was with the Dime Lions. Richard brought me there. I didn’t want to be there,’ Wylan said.
‘I don’t understand.’

‘We figured out where you were and made a plan to get you out. Don’t worry, Kaz made it so that it looked like you ran away by yourself so we shouldn’t have any problems with the Lions. At least not more than usual,’ Jesper said and smiled.

‘But I made bombs for them. You could have found another demolitionist,’ Wylan answered and crooked his head to the side.

Jesper stared at him for a moment before the meaning of what he was saying reached his brain.

‘Wylan, this has nothing to do with the bombs! We all know that you didn’t have a choice in any of this. We wanted to get you out. Wylan, you know that you are our friend, right? We were worried about you,’ he said and scooted a bit closer to the other man.

He wanted to hug him, but he wasn’t too sure if that was the best idea right now.
Wylan just stared at him with his mouth slightly agape.

‘Wylan, I am sorry. It took us so long to find you. And I didn’t even really help. It was mostly Inej and Kaz. We didn’t know what happened and we just couldn’t find you and I am so so sorry. We should have gotten you out faster.
And I am sorry for everything else as well.
I should have never let it come this far. I should have realized what Gendill was doing to you and gotten you out. I failed you in every way possible and I understand if you never want to see me again after you are back on your feet. I get that.
I was an idiot and I don’t deserve you,’ Jesper said and could feel the tears rise to his eyes.

Halfway through his little speech, Wylan had begun to shake his head, but Jesper wanted to grab and shake him and just scream at him that this wasn’t something that should be easily forgiven.
Wylan should be angry, he should be shouting and telling Jesper what a failure he was. That was what he deserved.

‘No, no, Jesper. Please,’ Wylan interrupted him.
‘You got me out. That is more than I would ever expect. I thought I was going to die there. But you saved me. Thank you. I know that’s not enough, but thank you. I didn’t want to die. I wanted to see you again.
Nothing of this was your fault. And I think it wasn’t mine either. It was Richard and Rollins. You weren’t there. You couldn’t have done anything. But you got me out.
Ghezen, you risk a gang war for me. That is just stupid. You are all stupid idiots! But still, thank you.’

Now both of them were crying. Wylan had gripped Jesper’s hands in his hand and now pressed them to his face.
Jesper could feel Wylan’s tears on his skin.

‘Oh, Wylan. I… I am still sorry. None of this should have ever happened. None of this was your vault. You didn’t deserve any of it,’ he got out between two sobs.

Wylan just pulled their hands closer to himself and continued crying.
Jesper didn’t know how long they just sat there crying. At some point, he pulled Wylan into his lap and Wylan hugged him so tight that he feared that he would break a rip. But he didn’t care.

They finally both ran out of tears and breath and just sat there in each other's arms staring into nothing. Wylan was the first to break the embrace and shuffled back onto the bed.

‘Thank you, Jesper. I didn’t think I would ever see you again. I am very glad that I was wrong,’ Wylan said with a scratchy voice.

Jesper just nodded.
He was pretty sure that if he opened his mouth nothing would come out.
He picked up the glass of water from the bedside table and gave it to Wylan who smiled and took a big gulp.

They continued to sit next to each other in silence while Wylan took a sip of water every now and then.
Jesper couldn’t believe that it was over.

Wylan was safe and for some reason not mad at him.
Jesper was okay. Rollins and Gendill wouldn’t get to Wylan again.
Now Wylan just needed to rest and recover and then they could start thinking about the future. Wylan was free now. His heart felt so light as if it would fly away.

He opened his mouth to tell Wylan that he should rest some more when the door opened.
Wylan flinched so hard that the rest of the water spilled from the glass onto the bed.
Jesper flinched as well, startled by Wylan’s reaction.
He put a hand on Wylan’s hand to try and calm him down.

Kaz stepped into the room. Wylan visibly stopped breathing.

Jesper was the first to break the silence.
‘Hey, Kaz. Wylan has woken up.’

‘I can see that,’ Kaz said and came closer to the bed.

Before he could say anything else Wylan began to speak.
‘Mr. Brekker, I want to apologize. I made bombs for the Dime Lions. I was too weak. I am sorry.
They tried to get information from me as well, but I didn’t know anything. I will make it up to you! Somehow.
Or I will leave the Barrel as soon as I can stand. I understand that you don’t want me here anymore. I am sorry for betraying your trust. Please, I am sorry. But thank you still for rescuing me,’ he said and his hands under Jesper’s began to shake.

Jesper’s heart plummeted to his stomach at those words.
Of course, now that there was nobody keeping Wylan here what sense was there in remaining in the Barrel? Nobody who was even half sane wanted to live here.

Kaz raised an eyebrow.
Jesper wanted to hit him. His boss really was an ass sometimes.

‘You are apologizing for being kidnapped and forced into labor? That’s a new one,’ he said and turned back around to the door.
‘I just came to check on your recovery. As soon as Nina deems you sufficiently recovered you are a free man,’ he continued.

He turned his head to look Wylan up and down. His eyes narrowed.
‘Your bombs have proven useful and my team likes you.’

He disappeared with those words and left a flabbergasted Wylan and a confused Jesper.
After a moment Wylan turned his head to face him and blinked.

‘Did he just tell me that I can still work for him? And he is not angry?’ He asked.
His voice was higher than usual.
‘Was that what he meant?’

‘I think so,’ Jesper replied.
‘Well, makes sense, right? He rescued you. And he was worried about you! “Came to check on your recovery” my ass. Kaz Brekker is worried about you!’

Wylan just shook his head in disbelief.
Jesper began to laugh. This situation was just too absurd.

‘So, what are you going to do? Like Kaz said, you are a free man now,’ he got out while still laughing.
He tried to mask how important the answer to this question was for him.

‘I don’t know. It’s not like I have anywhere to go,’ Wylan said and shrugged.
‘It’s not like I actually thought about the future. I didn’t think I would survive the next few weeks. I guess I will have to start thinking about it now. I think what Mr Brekker just said implied that I don’t have to go back, right?’

Jesper tried not to feel too hopeful at that.
He would still understand if Wylan wanted to leave, but this at least sounded like he considered staying with them.

‘You are a free man. You can choose what you want to do,’ he whispered. Wylan smiled.

‘Well, then we will see, won’t we? Right now I think I need to sleep. And then after I will need to figure out where I will live now and all that,’ He said and yawned.

Jesper suddenly felt like an idiot.
What was he thinking asking questions like that at a time like this? Wylan was exhausted and needed to rest and here was Jesper asking about the future.

‘Well, you can always come and stay with me in the Slat,’ the words were out before he could stop them.
‘Oh, that’s maybe a bit too forward. I just mean if you need a place to crash for a while. I can help you figure out what to do and all. I just mean, you won’t have to sleep on the street or something.’

‘I think I would like that. Let’s go there tomorrow. Thank you, Jesper. Thank you for everything,’ Wylan said.

Then he leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss on Jesper’s lips.

Before Jesper could react or do anything Wylan let himself fall back onto the pillow and closed his eyes.

Jesper was left grinning like an idiot and with the feeling that his heart was going to explode any second now.

-

Jesper had just drifted off into sleep on the chair when ragged, too-fast breathing brought him back to consciousness.

It took him a long moment to remember where he was and what was going on.
It took him even longer to realize that he wasn’t alone in the room and that it wasn’t himself making the sounds. He slowly turned to where Wylan was sleeping on the bed.

Wylan’s chest was rising too fast and Jesper was sure that he could hear his teeth grinding onto each other.
Jesper got up from the chair and bit his lip.
Now he could see the sweat on Wylan’s forehead.

Wylan was very obviously having a nightmare.

Should he wake him or would that just startle him even more?
Maybe if he didn’t do anything then it would just pass and Wylan wouldn’t even remember it tomorrow. Maybe that was better.

But Jesper knew how he felt after a night full of nightmares even if he couldn’t really remember what they were about.
Wylan needed to sleep properly to recover.

Jesper kneeled down next to the bed and as softly as possible put a hand on Wylan’s shoulder.

His reaction was instantaneous.

Wylan gasped and his eyes flew open.

Without even seeing Jesper he was suddenly scrambling to get up and tangled himself in the blanket.
His breathing got even faster if that was still possible while trying to free himself from the blanket.
He was mumbling something to himself that Jesper couldn’t make out.

‘Hey hey. Wylan, it’s okay. You were having a nightmare. This is Jesper. You are in the Crow Club, remember?’ Jesper whispered.
He didn’t want to scare him any further.

Wylan didn’t stop mumbling and didn’t give any sigh that he had understood or even heard Jesper.
He finally managed to get rid of the blanket.

Jesper watched in horror as Wylan turned around and fell down onto the bed.
He pushed himself up until he was on his hands and knees.
Then the mumbling stopped and Wylan froze. His eyes were closed and every single muscle tense.

Jesper gulped.
He had a feeling he knew what Wylan’s dream had been about.

What the hell was he supposed to do in a situation like this?
He wished Inej were here.

‘Wylan, can you hear me?’ He asked.
His voice faltered.

Wylan didn’t give any reaction.

‘You are in the Crow Club. I am Jesper. You are Wylan. We are friends. Kaz and I rescued you from the Dime Lions. You are safe now. We are treating your injuries. Nobody is mad at you. You are okay now. You are not there anymore. Nobody will touch you again. Just breath with me, yes? In and out,’ he just started talking.

Maybe this was just like a panic attack and he would just need to try to get Wylan through it.
He continued whispering assurances but didn’t dare touch Wylan again.

After a few minutes of this, it became clear that Wylan wasn’t registering any of this.
His eyelids were still squeezed together and he hadn’t relaxed even the tiniest bit. His breathing was maybe a bit slower but still came out in short huffs.

Jesper felt like crying.
What the fuck was he supposed to do here? Wylan was clearly trapped in his head and wasn’t getting out anytime soon.
He was supposed to rest! And this position was probably not great for his wounds.

The idea that crossed Jesper’s mind let him startle a bit.
It was a horrible idea, but what else could he do? The priority right now was to get Wylan to rest. Everything else they would take care of later.

He cleared his throat and tried to push all doubts from his mind.
He would feel like crap after this, but he needed to at least try.

‘Boy,’ he said with his best intimidating thug voice.

Wylan tensed even further.
He was finally hearing Jesper.

‘Lie down,’ he commanded and watched as Wylan complied.

Wylan was shaking again as he fell down onto his stomach. He hid his face in the cushion and was obviously trying very hard to stay still.
Jesper wanted to vomit.

‘On your back,’ he clarified and then lifted the blanket from the ground.

Wylan had turned over and was crying now from his still-shut eyes.
Jesper draped the blanket over him while trying not to touch him.

‘Good job. Now relax,’ he said, still not changing the voice.

This time it took a few moments, but Wylan actually slowly relaxed.
Even his breathing evened out even though it sounded forced.

Jesper kneeled down next to his head again and began petting his hair.
Of course, Wylan again tensed up at the touch, but Jesper continued. After what felt like an eternity Wylan seemed to be convinced that there would be nothing else happening and he breathed out deeply.

‘Good job,’ Jesper repeated, softer now.
‘Very good. Now go to sleep, yes? Everything is okay. I just want you to sleep.’

He continued petting Wylan and listened as his breathing became deep and even again.
It took an eternity but he was finally sure that Wylan was sleeping again and this time not dreaming.

He felt a tear run down his cheek.
Wylan looked nearly peaceful now that he was sleeping as if the last minutes hadn’t happened. Jesper really hoped that he wouldn’t remember this when he woke up. That was a selfish wish, wasn’t it?

Well, that would definitely haunt him in his dreams.
But it had worked and Wylan was finally resting again. With a bit of luck, this would be the last nightmare for tonight.

He could already see that there was a lot of work to do in the future.

Wylan was so hurt. It would take a long time to heal all those wounds. He knew that some of them would leave scars deep enough to last a lifetime.
But it would get better. Eventually.

If Wylan would let him he would be there.

He knew it was going to be hard and he wasn’t even sure that he could help in any way, but he would try. Maybe together they could manage.
And they weren’t alone either. Inej, Nina, and even Kaz and Matthias would be there with them.
All of them together could do it.

And when they found Richard Gendill they would shot him in the head.

Chapter Text

Wylan couldn’t believe that he was walking on the streets of the Barrel again.

It was a wonderful late afternoon.
The sun was shining and there wasn’t a cloud in the normally dark sky of Ketterdam. He could even hear some far-off birds singing.

He could help but stop every few minutes to close his eyes and enjoy the warmth on his skin.
He hasn’t realised how long it had been since he had enjoyed something as simple as the sun.

There were really a lot of things he couldn’t believe.
A week ago, he had been sure that he would die before ever seeing the Barrel or Jesper again.
Hell, he had been thinking about how to end it faster and now he was out. He really couldn’t wrap his head around that fact.

Jesper and Kaz fucking Brekker had risked their lives to get him back.
Jesper took a knife to shoulder for him!
They had all together made plans and had worked for days to save him. It still seemed a bit too good to be true to him.

He was beginning to slowly realise what had happened.
He was starting to let himself believe it. He was safe. He didn’t have to go back. He was allowed to stay with Jesper and his friends. It was all in the past now.

Wylan could feel with every day some of his energy and happiness returning.
He hadn’t even known how much he had lost in those ten days in that basement, but he was glad to know that it wasn’t all gone.
He could still heal and get it all back.

The last week had still been hard.

He had woken up panicking from nightmares every night and almost every time it had taken him so long to escape the dream and believe that he wasn’t there anymore and that the person next to him wasn’t Richard but Jesper.

He knew that he was hurting Jesper with this as well.
He had seen the pain in Jesper’s eyes after he, in delirium, had yelled at him and begged him to stop. And still he stayed.
He had told Jesper multiple times that he didn’t need to wake Wylan up or stay awake with him while he worked through it.
It wasn’t fair. Jesper was the farthest from the people who had kept Wylan for so long, but he still couldn’t tell the difference when he came out of a nightmare.
Jesper didn’t deserve that. He was already sharing his room in the Slat with Wylan and had been kind beyond measure, but Wylan still woke him every night and made him suffer with him.
Jesper had told him that he didn’t mind and that he didn’t want Wylan to be alone with these things. That was another thing Wylan slowly started believing.

It was also not just his sleep and dreams that had been a problem these last few days.
Wylan had always known that he was just a bit broken, but he was now broken to an extent that everyone could see. He was like a vase full of cracks. He wasn’t sure that that could ever really heal.

His body was recovering with the help of Nina’s powers and Matthias’s stern looks, which had kept him in bed until now.
There was still so much wrong with it.
Most of the obvious wounds had healed and his broken bones were back in place, but there was no denying that Wylan was far from okay.
The first time he had seen himself in the mirror, he had nearly fainted.
He looked like a skeleton. Pale and so thin.
He knew that he was probably not that far from the weight he had been when he still lived with his father, but he had forgotten how he looked without the extra pounds he had gained in the last few months with the Crows.

Eating was also hard.
His body was still getting used to regularly eating normal food and he had spent at least half an hour every day of the last week over the toilet vomiting up everything he had tried to eat, with Jesper sitting next to him, petting his hair and soothing him.
It was getting better, though.
Wylan had missed food and he looked forward to eating normally again. It would take some more time before his stomach could handle the greasy street food Jesper and he loved so much, but that was a good goal to be working for.

The thing that was probably the hardest for him was how much the way he interacted with the others had changed.
He had gotten a panic attack the first time he had come to the room in the Slat and Jesper had closed the door behind them.
He had somehow been convinced that the door was locked and that he was a prisoner again. Jesper, of course, had been there for him and since then, he made sure that every room Wylan was in had at least one open window.
It helped.

He had also gotten very jumpy.
He had always been easily startled and had disliked loud noises and sudden movement, but it had never been bad enough to send him straight into spiralling panic.
Just this morning, he had talked to Nina as she checked over his injuries and she had forgotten to tell him that she was going to touch his shoulder and ten minutes later, he had come back to himself, curled up in a corner of the room.

And when a fight had broken out between two other members of the Dregs, he had run up to Jesper’s room to hide instead of watching the brawl like everyone else.
Too often, the faces of people yelling morphed into that of his father or his husband and even Jesper’s loud laugh sometimes let him flinch.

At the same time, he was craving touch.
He didn’t know where it came from, but he loved it whenever Jesper pulled him into his arms to calm him down or when he brushed over Wylan’s hand to get his attention. It was good to know that touch wouldn’t forever be something repulsive to him.
He was sure that he could get used to it all again.

By far the worst of it all was his thoughts.
When he was left alone for too long with nothing to do, he slipped from his world and back into memories he would rather forget forever. He would sometimes just stare at a wall, trapped in them and crying.
The others tried to understand and help him, but he knew it was hard for them to understand where the sudden outburst and breakdown came from.

It was sweet how everyone tried to take care of him and make him comfortable, but Wylan hated how it made him feel.
He didn’t want to be some fragile little broken thing that everybody needed to take care of.
He didn’t want the others to mind their every step around him and look at him as something that could explode any second. He just wanted everything to go back to normal.

He nearly laughed at that.
How crazy did he have to be to think that what they had before had been normal?
But it had been the most normal he had ever felt in his life, even though he had been making literal bombs for Dirtyhands. He hoped he could soon go back to making bombs.
Brekker had implied that he would continue working for the Dregs, so he thought that they would probably want him back to that sooner or later. He was looking forward to it.
It would also be nice to have his own money again.

He shook his head slightly and tried to get back to reality.

It was great to be out on his own again. He had gone on a walk with Jesper two days ago, but he hadn’t noticed how much he had missed just walking on his own.
This would have been unthinkable for the first eighteen years of his life and now he was allowed to get used to this.

He probably should be a bit more paranoid out here in the open with no one to protect him, but he felt strangely secure.
He was definitely not flinching at every shadow anymore like the first time he had gone out after everything that had happened.

But he shouldn’t let his thoughts wander like that.
He had a job to do. Finally, something to do.
Mr Brekker had come to him and told him to get Jesper. He had, of course, not explained what he was planning, but he had given Wylan an address where they should come to and instructions on where to find Jesper.
It was, of course, not an actual job, but it felt good to have something to do again.
He liked being useful.

He rounded the next corner into a smaller street where Mr Brekker had told him Jesper would be.
The daylight was now rapidly disappearing and the street looked even more shady than it probably was in the dim light.

This was the kind of place Wylan would never want to stop. It wasn’t as if it seemed dangerous, but it looked like he would be approached with all kinds of suspicious business offers here.
What was Jesper doing here?

Wylan began walking down the street, looking left and right and trying to make out his favourite gunslinger.

Jesper really was his own personal saint.
Wylan was sure that without him, he never would have survived the last week.
Jesper didn’t just stay at his bedside while he was unconscious and offered him a place to stay, but he was also always there. He never complained or demanded anything from Wylan for helping him and was still always there. He didn’t seem to care if Wylan was laughing or crying, or screaming. He never left him alone and tried to help in one way or another.

And he also didn’t treat Wylan like he was broken.
None of his friends did, at least not on purpose, but Jesper joked with him and told stories just like he had done before.
It helped Wylan hope that they could go back to at least some kind of normal after this.

With every day that they now spend together, no matter how hard or difficult it may be, he could feel his love for Jesper growing.
He, of course, hadn’t told him, but sometimes his heart hurt with emotions when Jesper brushed one of Wylan’s locks back or smiled at him from across the room. And sometimes Wylan would lean over to place a quick kiss on the other's lips and couldn’t believe his luck that he was allowed to kiss Jesper Fahey.

His eyes caught on a familiar top hat.

Wylan stopped and turned around.
It was a half-open shop with a shabby canopy in front of it. Inside, there were a few tables, but only two of them were occupied. It only took Wylan a second to recognise the games they were playing and the small stacks of money lying in front of the men.
What was Jesper doing here, gambling during the middle of the day?

Wylan furrowed his brow and walked into the makeshift gambling den.
He suppressed the memories that came up with the sound of the men laughing and the smell of alcohol. He wasn’t working in the Golden Seagull anymore and he wouldn’t have to ever again.

He avoided a big guy who had come in his direction, who was probably the owner of his establishment, and went straight to the table Jesper was sitting at.
He hadn’t noticed Wylan yet.

Wylan came to a halt next to him and cleared his throat.
Nothing happened. He tipped him on the shoulder.

Jesper looked up from his cards, which looked like a losing hand and blinked.
Then he blinked again.
Then, finally, it seemed like Jesper was actually seeing him and Wylan watched as the grin melted from his face.

‘Wylan? What are you doing here?’ Jesper asked and put down his cards so quickly as if to hide them.

The other people at the table looked annoyed at Wylan for interrupting their game.
They looked mean and if they didn’t care how legal or illegal something was, but he didn’t let himself panic.
Jesper was here and he wasn’t working in the Golden Seagull anymore. If they did anything, he was allowed to fight back.

‘Mr Brekker is looking for you,’ he said and crooked his head to the side.
‘We should get going.’

He didn’t want to talk in here even though he had a lot of questions.

‘Kaz? I didn’t know that we had anything planned for today,’ Jesper answered. He seemed a bit flustered.
Maybe he hadn’t wanted Wylan to see him here?

‘Seems to be something spontaneous. We have a meeting point,’ Wylan said and looked pointedly at the other people at the table.
He hoped that Jesper understood that they shouldn’t talk about this here.

Thankfully, Jesper seemed to get the message.

‘Oh, yeah yeah. Sorry, gents, but the boss is calling. Better get going,’ he said and ignored the angry mumbling from the other players. He stood up and followed Wylan outside.

Wylan walked a bit until he couldn’t hear the gambling den anymore and turned around to Jesper.
He was just so confused.

‘What were you doing there?’ He asked

‘Playing. Didn’t know having fun was suddenly illegal,’ Jesper answered.
This was the closest Jesper had ever come to snapping at Wylan and he needed to keep himself from flinching back.

‘I am not saying you can’t and I don't want you to feel like you have to stay with me all the time. I am just confused why you would want to play in a place like that. Those people didn’t seem nice,’ he answered.
That was also a thing he and Jesper had been working on. Talking back.

‘I just wanted to clear my head. That’s all,’ Jesper said a lot softer than before, but still defensive.

‘Okay, that is totally your decision, but are you okay, Jesper?’ He carefully asked.

He didn’t know if he was overstepping, but what he had seen in there hadn’t looked very fun or healthy. Jesper had been taking so much care of Wylan that he had maybe forgotten to take care of himself as well.

Jesper hesitated. He opened his mouth and closed it again.

‘Can we maybe talk about this another time? I am fine. I had fun,’ Jesper said after a long moment.
‘Let’s just go. Kaz doesn’t like waiting.’

Wylan nodded.
Jesper was right. There were better times to talk about it, but he couldn’t stop himself from worrying at least a little bit.

‘Okay, let’s go,’ Wylan answered and began walking down the street.

Jesper fell into pace next to him and after a second, Wylan offered him his hand. Jesper grinned at him in the way that made his eyes sparkle and Wylan returned it.

Jesper linked their hands together and Wylan’s stomach tingled.

-

Wylan slowly walked into the room behind Jesper and Kaz.

He looked over his shoulder for the thousandth time since they had entered the building over the roof a few minutes ago, but still couldn’t see anybody.

This was his second break-in, but for some reason, he was a lot more nervous than he had been when they had broken into the van Eck mansion.

Maybe that was because he actually had had time to prepare back then and he had known what the goal of the whole operation was.

This time, they had met Kaz in a back alley of the merchant’s district behind one of the ministries and had been informed that Inej was already on the roof and that they were breaking into said ministry.
Wylan didn’t even have time to process what was happening before he was climbing through a window together with one of the city's most wanted criminals.
This was all going way too fast and he still didn’t know what was happening or why they were even here. Why did he have to be a part of this?

At least Jesper seemed to be thrilled.
He was basically bouncing on his feet and his hands ghosted over his revolvers every now and then.
Wylan made a mental note to make sure that there was enough excitement in Jesper’s life so that he would start just robbing people out of pure boredom.

The room they had entered was what looked like a storage or an archive of some kind.
There were rows and rows of shelves crammed tightly into the room and next to the door was a small table overflowing with papers.

Wylan closed the door behind him and Jesper turned on the light.

Now he could see that the room was in complete disarray.
Whoever was supposed to keep those documents in check wasn’t doing a very good job.
Not only was the table full of papers, but they all seemed to be just thrown on there with no distinguishable piles or order. The only part that wasn’t covered was a small rectangle in front of the chair where the person presumably worked.

The rest of the room was under a thin blanket of dust and Wylan really didn’t want to know how it looked in the corners or on top of these shelves.

Kaz tsked and shook his head.
Then he proceeded to one of the shelves without paying the table a second glance.

With every passing minute, Wylan was more confused.
There was literally no one more unsuited for this job than him. Why bring a person who couldn’t read to steal a document? Maybe he was supposed to light all of this on fire?

Jesper’s excitement seemed to wear off now and he began looking at the different papers on the table.
Wylan just sold next to the door. After a minute of nothing but quiet rustling, he couldn’t take it anymore.

‘Jesper, what are we doing here? What are we looking for?’ He whispered.

The building might be deserted and the door closed, but he still feared that they would be discovered.

‘I have no idea,’ Jesper whispered back and shrugged.
Wylan rolled his eyes.

‘Mr Brekker, excuse me, but what are we doing here?’ Wylan asked a bit louder.

‘We are looking for something,’ Brekker answered without looking away from the shelf in front of him.

‘Yeah, I got that, but why am I here?’ Wylan said.
He didn’t know where the sudden bravery came from, but he was getting annoyed.
He had always hated it when people didn’t talk to him. He liked knowing the plan.

‘If you give me one more minute, then I will show you,’ Mr Brekker answered.

Wylan suppressed an annoyed sigh and turned to Jesper, who smiled apologetically and shrugged in a way that seemed to say, “he is just like that”.

So Wylan went back to awkwardly standing next to the door while Jesper folded a paper bird from one of the documents, and Mr Brekker pulled open drawers and pulled out paper after paper.
Maybe they were just doing this to fuck with him. Maybe this was just some weird kind of prank. Though Kaz Brekker didn’t seem like the kind of person to play a prank.

After what felt longer than a minute, Mr Brekker turned to them with a few papers in hand. He walked over and Jesper left his crinkled bird alone to turn to them.

Mr Brekker shoved the document in Wylan’s face.

‘Do you recognise this?’ He asked.

Wylan opened his mouth to remind him that he couldn’t read when his eyes caught on a signature on the bottom.

He knew that handwriting.
Because it was his own.

That was the only thing he had ever learned to write. His name. His father had insisted on it since he needed to sign things even if he couldn’t read what he was agreeing to.

Wylan could count on one hand the times he had signed his name and he recognised this specific from.
That was his marriage contract.

He remembered it as if it had been yesterday how his father had shoved the pen into his shaking hand and he elderly priest had smiled at him as he signed his future away while Richard’s hand lay possessively around his waist.

‘What do you think of a divorce?’ Brekker asked.

Wylan looked up into what could be called the most terrifying smug expression he had ever seen.

He nodded.

-

It was as if he could hear every single fibre of the paper burning when he threw the marriage certificate into the flames.

Wylan didn’t even register the cheers of his friends around him and Jesper, who enthusiastically shook his shoulders.

He just stared into the fire where, piece by piece, the paper blackened and crumbled under the heat.

It was done.
There was no physical evidence of him ever being married anymore. He wasn’t married anymore.
He was free.

Mr Brekker, next to him, cleared his throat and snapped Wylan out of his thoughts.
He looked over to his boss and couldn’t help a grin spreading over his face.

‘And another one,’ Mr Brekker said and handed Wylan a paper that looked identical to the one he had just burned.

Wylan took it and looked down at the letters that would tell him what they were saying.
Confused, he looked back up at Mr Brekker.

‘Jan van Eck had a copy of them in his safe. I took the freedom of relieving him of them when we last visited him,’ he said with what Wylan would call a devilish smirk.

If this weren’t Dirtyhands and the person he now considered to be his boss, he would have hugged the man.

Instead, he just smiled and whispered a quiet thanks before throwing the rest of the papers into the flames.
Another wave of cheers erupted and echoed off the sides of the small courtyard where they had lit the fire.

Wylan was suddenly pulled from the fire and into Jesper’s arms.
The other man squeezed him tight enough to make Wylan yelp.

‘It’s done, Wylan. He is gone. You are free,’ Jesper shouted with delight.

He released Wylan only to be hugged by Nina, who crushed him nearly as much as Jesper had.

‘Good job! Now that’s all in the past,’ she mumbled and gave him one last squeeze before taking a step back.

Inej tentatively opened her arms and Wylan hugged her after a second of hesitation. She didn’t squeeze him. She just rubbed his back without saying anything.

When their hug broke, Wylan stumbled back a bit, surprised by the sudden mass of affection.

Matthias, next to him, cleared his throat. For a second, Wylan feared that he now would actually be crushed to death, but the Fierdan just patted his shoulder, which was still enough to make Wylan’s knees buckle.

‘I am glad that you are out,’ the other man said and then turned away, before Wylan could see any of the emotions on his face.

Wylan breathed out and turned back to the fire.
His eyes caught those of Mr Brekker, who gave him a curt nod, which Wylan supposed was probably the most emotion the man had shown in a week. He smiled back.

‘Thank you guys,’ he said.
He didn’t really know what to do in a situation like this. A simple “thank you” seemed much too small for the people who had saved his life.

‘Thank you for everything. For giving me a chance in the first place and then for getting me out and helping me with everything. Without you, I would be dead. And thank you for doing this for me. I don’t think you know how much this means to me,’ he got out and blushed.

‘There is no need to thank us,’ Inej replied and smiled.
‘You are part of the team now and Crows protect each other.’

Wylan could feel his throat getting tight.
He didn’t want to cry right now when everybody was so happy, but he was pretty sure that what was prickling in the corners of his eyes were happy tears.
He couldn’t believe what luck he had had with meeting these people. Who would have thought that his first friends in this life would be one of the most feared gangs in the Barrel?

‘Okay, we need a toast!’ Jesper declared and saved Wylan from bursting into tears.

He didn’t know from where in his pockets he suddenly pulled glasses and a bottle of dark liquor, but within seconds everyone had a glass in hand. Jesper raised his and grinned at Wylan.

‘To Wylan! Who is now finally single again!’ He proclaimed and raised his glass.

Wylan blushed but followed the others in clicking their glasses together and downing the alcohol. It burned in his throat, but he didn’t care.

‘Technically speaking, there is no evidence of the marriage in the first place,’ Mr Brekker said.
‘The only people who know about you are a known criminal and a man who is telling everyone you are in Ravka. The priest died last month. Officially, you were never married.’

Wylan laughed at that and shook his head.
How could it be so easy to just erase this whole part of his life? He was glad that it was gone.

He didn’t know how much time had passed, just laughing and talking with his friends.

Jesper told stories and Nina supported him with commentary and the occasional reenactment that even Matthias and Inej were pulled into.

Inej's clear laughter filled the air and Matthias actually talked every now and then.
Mr Brekker sat on a crate and periodically rolled his eyes, but he still stayed.

Wylan felt normal for the first time in a week.
He was laughing and joking and so obviously not broken. He knew that not everything was fixed or behind him, but the world felt really okay right now.
Everything else would come later.

Jesper was jumping around the fire while demonstrating the drunken discussion on a party he had been to and Wylan was laughing so hard that his stomach hurt. Nina had already fallen off her crate and was wheezing on the ground.

Wylan’s eyes caught on Jesper while he was still gasping for breath.

The fire let Jesper’s dark skin shine and even though his movements were over-exaggerated and ridiculous, there was a grace to them like that of a cat.
His eyes sparkled with mischief so bright that it put the stars above them to shame.

Wylan felt a surge of heat that wasn’t caused by the fire. Jesper, in this moment, was hotter than even the fire.
Oh, Wylan hadn’t known he still could want like this.

He had feared that this was something his ex-husband and those men had destroyed for him forever.
But maybe this was another part of himself that could be fixed.

He smiled and tried not to blush too hard as he continued to watch Jesper.

The moon was high in the sky when Nina and Matthias decided to go home.
Nina hugged him again before saying Good night and Matthias smiled at Wylan before leaving the courtyard. He would be looking forward to seeing them again soon.

Mr Brekker got up a few minutes later.
He didn’t say a lot, but he nodded into the round and then disappeared into the shadows.

Jesper mumbled something about him being a drama queen and Inej rolled her eyes.
Wylan was starting to realise that Dirtyhands may not be as scary as he always seemed. Even though he would of course never mention this to his face. He still didn’t have a death wish.

He was still staring after the man that had melted into the shadows when Inej lightly touched his arm.
Wylan startled slightly, but her touch was not unwelcome.

‘Wylan,’ she said and pulled him away from the fire a bit.
Jesper paid them no mind.

‘I just wanted to tell you a few things,’ she said and came to a halt.
‘I know that you right now want nothing more than just to feel normal and okay, but I need you to know that it is okay that not everything is normal right now. You are already doing so well and I think that you are healing, but you don’t have to put on a mask.’

‘I wasn’t putting on a mask,’ Wylan protested.
‘I really enjoyed this evening.’

‘Yes, I saw that,’ Inej said with a smile.
‘And I am glad. I am just saying this because there will be days when you don’t feel like that and then it’s okay to be hurt. And don’t worry about Jesper. He will never rush you or demand something of you. You don’t have to pretend for him or keep something to yourself for fear of hurting him. He wouldn’t want that. He will always be there for you and so will the rest of us.’

‘I… thank you,’ Wylan answered quietly.
‘I think I already knew that, but thank you for saying it again. You all really helped me.’

‘We all help each other. That is what friends are for,’ Inej said.
‘Wylan, I don’t know how much you have heard about me and my history, but I just want you to know that you can always talk to me. There are many things that people like us would rather forget, but sometimes these things are not easily forgotten. I understand and if you ever need someone to listen or to cry with, then I will be there, yes?’

Wylan wordlessly nodded.
He hadn’t expected this. He was sure that if he opened his mouth now, he would start to cry.

He didn’t know a lot about Inej and where she came from, but everyone in the Barrel had heard some version of the story of how Kaz Brekker had bought his wraith from the Menagerie.
He didn’t want to imagine what Inej had been through. What he had experienced was nothing compared to that. But she was right. She was probably the only person in their little group that truly understood what had happened.

Wylan didn’t think that he was ready to talk about it, but he would keep her offer in mind.
Maybe one day he would be ready.

‘Thank you,’ he finally got out and Inej smiled at him.

A bit louder so that Jesper heard her as well, she said, ‘I will be going then too. I have a lot to do tomorrow.’

Jesper came over to hug her and she also gave a long hug to Wylan.
He waved after her as she disappeared into the night. He was glad to call her a friend.

Now it was just him and Jesper left.
It was late, but Wylan didn’t feel like sleeping just yet. This day had been one of the best of his life and he didn’t want it to stop yet.

He smiled at Jesper and wandered over to the edge of the courtyard that opened up to the Ketterdam harbour, like many of the warehouses did.

At night, it was nearly impossible to see the edge where the dark cobblestone ended and the water began, but the light of the fire illuminated everything enough that Wylan didn’t need to fear drowning.

He sat down on the floor and dangled his feet over the edge.
It was to light in this part of Ketterdam to see many stars, but there were still a few twinkling above him. He leaned his head back and looked up into the night sky.

Jesper sat down next to him and mimicked his pose.

‘You should see the night sky in Novyi Zem. Where I grew up, there were no cities. You could see millions of stars,’ Jesper said after a minute of silence.

‘I would love to see that one day,’ Wylan replied.
‘I remember when I was younger, my father took me on a business trip to Ravka. During the journey I once couldn’t sleep and I got out on the deck of the ship to get a bit of fresh air. The night was clear and the sea calm. There were so many stars and the water reflected them. When you looked to the horizon, you couldn’t tell where the water began and the sky ended. It was as if the ship was in the sky surrounded by stars.’

‘That sounds like something somebody should paint,’ Jesper said and Wylan looked over to see him smile softly.

‘Yeah,’ he just answered and went back to looking at the sky.

‘You know how we toasted to me being single again?’ He asked after a second.

‘Yeah? I hope that joke was okay,’ Jesper said and turned to him.

‘Yeah, don’t worry. I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to change that?’ Wylan asked and tried not to look away from Jesper’s face even though he was blushing furiously.

‘What?’ Jesper asked.
He looked like Wylan was suddenly speaking Ravkan.

‘You know, me being single. We talked about dating when I am out of that marriage and I am pretty sure that the last evidence of that are currently blowing out onto the harbour,’ Wylan said and blushed.

A part of him was screaming at him that this was stupid and that Jesper would never want him now with how broken he was, but he pushed that part to the side. That wasn’t the truth.

‘Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?’ Jesper asked, still flabbergasted.

‘I… yeah? If you want, of course. I just really like you and I would like to build on that,’ Wylan said and looked down.

Jesper’s hand moved into his field of vision and then softly touched his chin to bring him to look up. He hesitantly complied and looked up into Jesper’s dark eyes.

‘Wylan, I would want nothing more than to be your boyfriend. But we don’t have to do this now. If you need more time, then I will be here waiting until you're ready,’ Jesper said.

‘No, I want this,’ Wylan immediately answered.
‘I know that I am far from healed, but up until now I couldn’t have done this without you by my side. And now I am finally free, so I would like to have you, if you allow me. That is my choice.’

Jesper grinned and it was hard to see in the dim light of the fire, but Wylan was pretty sure he was blushing.

‘Then, yes. I want to be your boyfriend,’ Jesper whispered.
‘Wylan, can I kiss you?’

‘Ghezen, yes,’ Wylan breathlessly answered and pulled Jesper’s face down into a deep kiss.
Jesper buried his hands in his hair and pulled them even closer.

When they broke the kiss, Wylan felt hot and he was sure that his cheeks were as red as tomatoes.
He grinned.

‘I have a boyfriend,’ he whispered and couldn’t believe it.

He had given up on these romantic fantasies long ago. Jesper just nodded enthusiastically, obviously still too out of breath to speak.

He cleared his throat and scratched his neck.

‘I don’t know if this is too fast or not appropriate, but I wanted to ask you something anyway,’ Jesper said.
‘I have been thinking of finding my own place outside the Slat for a while now. Since before I met you.
And now we are sharing a room and I thought that you maybe would also appreciate some more space and privacy, so if you want, we could look for a place together? I would have asked you that even if you weren’t my boyfriend.’

Wylan stared at him and could feel himself blushing again.

‘Yeah, yeah. I think I would like that,’ he finally answered.

He liked living in the Slat, but he had missed not being woken up at all hours of the night by gang members. He also missed having a kitchen.

‘That’s great! I thought of getting something close to the Crow Club. Just a nice flat. Nothing too big or expensive, of course,’ Jesper said and grinned.

‘That sounds very good,’ Wylan said.

He scooted closer to Jesper and leaned his head on his shoulder.
Jesper pulled him as close as possible with an arm around his waist and kissed the top of his head.

‘Thank you, Jesper,’ Wylan mumbled.

‘For what?’

‘For just being you. I never thought I would be lucky enough to meet someone like you. And for helping me,’ Wylan said and buried his face in Jesper’s neck.

‘Oh, you don’t need to thank me for that. We are partners. We help each other,’ Jesper said.
‘But I am also so glad that I know you.’

Wylan looked up at him and Jesper placed a soft kiss on his lips.

‘I also think it’s great that I get to kiss you now,’ he said.

Wylan nodded enthusiastically and pulled Jesper back down to deepen the kiss.

He didn’t know how long they stayed there, just kissing and looking at the stars, before they returned to the Slat.
Wylan had a feeling that things finally started looking up.

Chapter Text

Jesper closed the door to the room he had started to think of as “theirs", even though Wylan had just moved in a couple of days ago.

Wylan looked up from the table below the dark window and smiled. His face was illuminated by the oil lamp next to him.
Jesper grinned back.

Now that he had a partner to come home to after a long day, he couldn’t imagine ever collapsing on the bed alone ever again.
Maybe there was still a mountain of issues that they had to work through and nightmares on both their parts, but things were good.
Living with Wylan was easy. It felt natural.

‘Hey there,’ he said and threw his bag down next to the door.

Kaz had sent him again to run errands and Jesper was still not sure how his boss thought that he was the most suited for such a job. At least this time, he hadn’t gambled away the money.

‘Hey there yourself,’ Wylan said and turned back to what he was doing.
‘How was it?’

‘Boring! If I have to do one more of these idiotic jobs that even a five-year-old could do, I think my head is going to explode,’ Jesper said and sat down on the bed to pull off his boots.

‘Please don’t explode,’ Wylan answered with a chuckle.
‘I am sure Mr Brekker is already scheming the next neck-breaking adventure together for you.’

Jesper sighed.
‘I hope so. It’s not like he ever tells me anything.’

‘I think he doesn’t talk to anyone really,’ Wylan said.
‘But on the line of explosions. Do you have any idea when he will find a space for me to work in again? I am starting to feel kind of useless.’

‘You are not useless!’ Jesper protested.
‘And Nina may have healed you, but you still need to rest and recover. Kaz wouldn’t expect you to get back to work for at least another week or so. Inej would probably make it a month.’

Wylan looked over his shoulder.
His jaw was tense and his brow furrowed. He held Jesper’s gaze for a second before turning back around.

‘What? You should rest. That’s a good thing! If you go out on a job now, who knows what could happen? You could end up with even worse injuries!’ Jesper protested.

Wylan abruptly stood up and turned to Jesper.
He took a step in his direction and then helped his arm out with something clutched in his hand.
Jesper frowned, but then held his hand out to take whatever it was Wylan was offering him. Wylan dropped a few small bottles into his hand.

Jesper lifted them.
They were filled with a clear liquid and overall seemed very unremarkable.

‘Thank you?’ He said, unsure.
‘What are these?’

‘It’s a corrosive acid I made with some of the cleaning supplies I found downstairs,’ Wylan answered and turned back to the table.
‘I am figuring out how to make some smoke bombs with the things I have here as well, but that will take some more time.’

Jesper stared down at the bottles for a second more.

‘Wylan, I… Well, I don’t want to be ungrateful, but we don’t have a job lined up right now and Kaz didn’t tell you to make any of these, right? Also, that sounds really dangerous without a workshop and the proper gear. Should you really be doing stuff like that just on the table there?’

Wylan whirled around to face Jesper again.

‘Oh, did I miss the day when you suddenly became a chemistry expert? Since when do you get to tell me what I can and can’t do, mh?’ Wylan asked.
His eyes were fixed on Jesper and his fists were balled.

‘Woa, of course you can do whatever you want,’ Jesper answered.
Clearly, something was going on here that he hadn’t understood yet. Something more than chemistry.

‘I just was a bit worried about you. I don’t want you to lose any fingers or something. And I am just a bit confused about why you are doing this.
Is this because you feel useless?
You don’t need to explain yourself to me, but I would really like to understand what is going on here.’

Wylan frowned at him, but his hands relaxed a bit.

‘No, no. I just wanted to do something for you. To make your job a bit easier,’ he finally said.

‘Oh, that’s nice of you,’ Jesper said and then hesitated.
‘Is that the only reason?’

‘I… It’s just, you do so much for me. You let me sleep in your room and help me with everything and put up with me. I just wanted to give you something in return,’ Wylan said after a second.

‘Wylan, you don’t owe me anything for that, you know that, right?
You stay here because you need a place to live and because I like living with you. I help you because I want to and that’s what boyfriends do. And I don’t “put up with you”.
We are partners. Equal.’

Wylan looked to the floor and bit his lip.

‘You say that now, but what if I don’t get better? What if I can’t get better?
Maybe I am too broken to heal. What if in two years you still wake up next to a screaming boyfriend and need to comfort him through a nightmare again and again? Don’t tell me you won’t get sick of that?’ Wylan said accusatively.

Jesper opened his mouth and closed it again.
He didn’t even know where to start.

‘Wylan, I won’t get sick of you. Never. No matter what,’ he finally got out.
‘And you will get better. Yes, things are hard right now and the shit you have been through is absolutely horrible, but you are already doing so much better and you will continue to get better.
Yes, there will be hard days and days when you feel like nothing has changed, but these days will become less and less over time. And you have us, you have me. We will help you and I promise you that I won’t get sick of it.’

‘You don’t know that!’ Wylan exploded.
‘How can you just sit there and say that! You have no idea what’s going to happen.
There are people who are so fucked up in the head that they never recover! That is what all the mental hospitals are for.
My head right now doesn’t even feel like it’s my own. There are thoughts in here that are not mine and memories that come back without asking! That won’t just go away, no matter how much you fuss over me!
You don’t know what will happen! Nobody does.’

In the end, Wylan nearly screamed at Jesper. His face was red and there were tears in his eyes.

‘Yes, that is true. But I know that we can try. And I want to try.
I also know that nearly all people can get better in some way. But you are right, it will never go away completely.
You are your memories. That’s just how things are.
What we can do is work on making enough good memories that the bad ones get buried beneath them as much as possible. But you are right, they will never go away completely. I can’t change that,’ Jesper said.

He didn’t know where this was coming from. It sounded more like something Inej would say, but it seemed to be what Wylan needed right now.

‘I just don’t want to be a burden to you!
What if I can never make bombs again! I can’t give you anything for all these things you are doing for me. You are gonna get tired of just giving and giving,’ Wylan said and wiped his hands over his eyes.

‘Wylan, you are already giving me so much! You are giving me your trust, your love, your appreciation and your partnership. That is all I need. That’s all a relationship needs.
Also, relationships are not some kind of deal. I don’t need to receive something to give you something.
We are equals. I help you when you need help and you help me when I need some. You don’t have to give me anything for that. You are already giving me all of you. That is more than I could ever hope for.
I understand why you feel this way right now, but I need you to believe me. I
won’t leave. You won’t have to live without me.’

Wylan’s mouth was slightly agape and there were tear tracks down his cheeks.
Jesper searched his face for any signs that he was slipping away again, but Wylan’s eyes were focused on him.

Wylan raised his hands and buried his face in them.

Jesper stood up from the bed when he heard him crying and reached out a hand to comfort Wylan, when Wylan raised his head again and his crinkled eyes were looking up at him.

Wylan was laughing.
It wasn’t really a happy laugh, but he also didn’t sound insane yet.
Jesper just stared at him, completely thrown out of the script. He had no idea what to do.

Wylan was crying again while still laughing and furiously wiping his eyes.
He choked a bit and began shaking his head.

‘Wylan, are you okay? Honestly, you’re freaking me out a bit,’ Jesper said.

‘Yeah, yeah. I am okay,’ Wylan got out between two short breaths.
‘I just feel so stupid. All you guys have done is show me again and again that you are my friends and that you like me for who I am.
Ghezen, I wouldn’t be your boyfriend if you just wanted me because of what I can do for you! I had enough of that in my life.
But then I am alone with my thoughts for a few hours and suddenly I am a little boy again being screamed at by my father and I can’t see the difference between him and Mr Brekker. Or between you and Richard. That’s just not fair.
All you said was true and I am just working on getting my brain to understand that!’

Now Jesper chuckled as well.
‘Yeah, okay. That’s good. That’s progress,’ he said and pulled Wylan from the chair with him to the bed.

He hugged his boyfriend, who was still giggling.

‘And I am sorry that all of these voices are still in there,’ he said and lightly knocked on Wylan’s head.
‘But they are little liars and we will work on getting rid of them, yeah? All of these people in your past were also liars and had no right to treat you the way they did, okay?’

‘Yeah, yeah, I know that,’ Wylan said and leaned his head against Jesper’s chest as they scooted into a more comfortable position on the pillows.
‘But sometimes it’s too easy to forget. But we are working on it.’

‘We have the rest of our lives to figure it out,’ Jesper said and sighed.
He was just glad that they had mostly avoided this crisis.

‘Whoa there, Fahey. I’ve been your boyfriend for like what? A week? And you are already sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with me? What if I turn out to be a terrible cook who plays the flute at night and farts in the bed?’

‘Ew, that’s gross. Please don’t do that. And I don’t know.
Right now, this feels good. It feels right. It’s very easy to imagine my future with you. If that’s what you want too, of course,’ he answered and blushed. He really was laying his cards open here, but he trusted Wylan enough not to use that against him.

Wylan blushed and looked down, which made Jesper’s heart jump.

‘Yeah, that sounds nice. We will see what comes, right?’ He said more to his knees than to Jesper, but Jesper’s chest still contracted with what he could only call love.

Wylan laughed nervously and looked up again.
‘Damn, Fahey. You know how to distract a man.’

‘Oh, do I?’ Jesper answered and smirked.
‘Good to know.’

‘Well, now that I think about it, I think I could use some more distraction. We don’t want all that self-doubt to come back, don’t we,’ Wylan said, his voice suddenly deeper.

His eyes were fixed on Jesper’s and he licked his lips.
Wylan’s eyes were slightly hooded and he looked up at him through his lashes.

Wylan leaned closer to him and Jesper was sure that his heart just stopped.
A part of him wanted to collapse giggling into a corner, but the rest of him was thankfully present enough to lean down and place a soft kiss on his boyfriend's lips.
His head was spinning.

Wylan kissed back immediately and brought his hands up to cradle Jesper’s face and pull him in deeper.
Jesper made a startled noise at the sudden intensity, but he wasn’t complaining.

He broke the kiss for a second.

‘You are not kissing me because you think you owe me something, right?’ He asked.

‘No, of course not,’ Wylan answered and giggled.
‘I am kissing you because you have a very kissable mouth.’

‘Oh, that’s good,’ Jesper said a bit unintelligently.

Wylan leaned back forward and kissed him again.
He buried his hand in Wylan’s locks as his other arm around Wylan’s waist pulled them back closer.

Wylan sighed into the kiss and Jesper definitely shared the sentiment.
He could spend the whole night like this. There was no need for other entertainment. This was definitely a good distraction.

Suddenly, without breaking the kiss, Wylan lifted himself up onto his knees and swung one leg over Jesper’s lap.

Jesper placed his hands on his hips while still kissing his boyfriend.

Now his whole world was Wylan.
He could feel every inch of the other man. He could smell the wood and vanilla that seemed to belong to Wylan’s scent. And of course, there were his lovely lips on Jesper’s.
He also found that he quite liked this angle with Wylan above him, tilting his face up to meet him.
Normally, he was the one leaning down.

Jesper felt his top hat sliding off his head and falling onto the bed behind him.
He didn’t care.

He tried to pull Wylan even closer and was rewarded with the tip of a tongue poking at his lips.

Jesper moaned and opened his mouth to let Wylan in.
If he had known how good his boyfriend was at this, then they would have done it way earlier.

Wylan’s tongue slipped past his lips and muffled Jesper's moan as he began exploring his mouth.

Jesper tried to follow suit but found himself overwhelmed by the sensations around him. Wylan was all around him. Wylan slowed down a bit at his hesitation.

Jesper breathed in through his nose and then pulled his boyfriend closer again by his locks.
Now it was Wylan’s turn to moan into the kiss and Jesper took the opportunity to begin exploring Wylan’s mouth.

Wylan responded with enthusiasm and one of his hands moved into Jesper’s hair. Jesper leaned into the touch and almost whimpered when Wylan started to lightly pull on the strands between his fingers.

Jesper let his hands wander from Wylan’s hair down his back without ever breaking the kiss.
His fingers found the hem of Wylan’s shirt and slipped under it. Wylan’s skin was hot under his touch as his hands began wandering over his skin.
Wylan arched into the kiss and pulled harder on Jesper’s hair.

Wylan broke the kiss after another second, panting.
Jesper opened his eyes and shuddered pleasantly at the intensity in Wylan’s gaze.

Wylan’s fingers flew to the buttons on Jesper’s shirt and began undoing them while his other hand explored every inch of revealed skin.

Jesper couldn’t do anything but moan. He helped Wylan get the shirt off his shoulders and bit his lip.
Normally, he never lacked words, but he was speechless.

Wylan leaned back on his lap and looked Jesper up and down.
He admired him as if he were a painting and Jesper blushed again.

‘Ghezen, you are beautiful,’ Wylan mumbled.

A second later, his mouth was on Jesper’s collarbone. Jesper threw his head back as Wylan licked and nipped at his skin, trailing down his chest. He gasped as Wylan’s mouth found his nipple.

‘Fuck, Wylan. Ghezen,’ he moaned and looked down at his boyfriend, who looked back with an almost sheepish expression.

‘You like that?’ Wylan asked and Jesper mourned the loss of the mouth on his skin.

‘Yeah. So much. Please, Wylan,’ Jesper said breathlessly.

Jesper’s cock had started to get hard long ago and now his trousers were starting to get uncomfortably tight. He could feel against his thigh that Wylan was in a similar state.

‘But this is not fair,’ Jesper said before he lost his mind again.
‘You are still dressed. Why am I the only one naked here?’

Wylan giggled.
‘Want to change that?’

Jesper could only nod.
Wylan looked so good there above him with that cocky expression and flushed cheeks. Maybe this moment would never end.

His fingers fumbled with Wylan’s shirt.
He only managed to undo two buttons while Wylan watched him from above, before Wylan simply took the hem of the shirt and pulled it over his head.

Jesper wanted to admire the man before him, but was immediately distracted by Wylan resuming his previous task of driving Jesper insane with his mouth.

‘Wylan,’ he moaned and clawed at the deliciously hot skin of Wylan’s back.

Wylan continued exploring down Jesper’s chest and he couldn’t do anything but sigh and groan and tangle his hands in Wylan’s hair.

After a few minutes, Wylan came back up again and kissed Jesper.
Jesper immediately began devouring his boyfriend’s mouth.

He groaned in surprise when Wylan pressed his arse down against Jesper’s hard dick and began grinding his own cock through their trousers against Jesper’s thigh.

They continued like this for a while longer and Jesper wouldn’t have minded it being an eternity.

He broke the kiss for a second, but just to lay his hands on Wylan’s shoulders and move them over so that Wylan lay on his back on the bed.
Wylan looked up at him with wide eyes, flushed cheeks and chest and slightly open mouth.

Jesper took a moment to really look at the beauty of his boyfriend. Wylan’s torso was pale and his shoulders were full of freckles. Jesper wanted to kiss every single one of them.

‘You’re planning to leave me to starve down here?’ Wylan asked and crooked his head to the side.

He sat up a bit and hooked his fingers in the belt loops of Jesper’s trousers.
Jesper blushed.

‘Of course not, handsome,’ he laughed and let himself be pulled down into a kiss.

Jesper pressed their chest together and deepened the kiss.

He could smell every note of Wylan’s scent.

His hand found Wylan’s and he interlaced their fingers. He pressed Wylan’s hand down next to their heads.

He licked into Wylan’s mouth when something shifted.
Wylan sharply inhaled through his nose and went rigid. His tongue stopped playing with Jesper’s. His hand in Jesper’s relaxed.

Jesper broke the kiss and raised himself up a bit.

Wylan’s eyes were staring unfocused at the ceiling.
He didn’t seem to see Jesper. His mouth was slack, but his shoulders were tense.
His breath was coming in short puffs.

‘Wylan?’ Jesper asked and raised himself up more.
‘Wylan, are you okay?’

Wylan didn’t respond.
Shit, Wylan had gone away again and Jesper hadn’t noticed.

‘Wylan? Can you hear me? Wylan? It’s me, Jesper. You are safe,’ he began saying while scrabbling to get completely off Wylan.

‘You are in the Slat. This is Jesper. You are okay,’ he continued and tried to keep himself from panicking.

Suddenly, Wylan blinked and his eyes focused back on Jesper.
He could have cried with relief.

‘Jesper? I… It’s you. Ghezen,’ Wylan mumbled and raised himself to his elbows.
‘Shit, I thought… I thought you were… I was back there. I am so sorry. It’s you. Of course it’s you.’

‘Hey, it’s all okay. It’s me. You are safe,’ Jesper answered and pulled Wylan into a hug.
His boyfriend relaxed into him and sighed.

‘I am sorry. Of course you are not him,’ Wylan mumbled.
‘It was just the body pressing me down, I think.’

‘Don’t apologise. That was stupid of me. We should have talked about this beforehand,’ Jesper said and buried his face in Wylan’s hair.

He didn’t want to imagine what had gone on in Wylan’s head, what memories he had reawakened.

‘No, no, it’s okay. We both couldn’t have known that that would happen. And you noticed. Maybe just no holding me down in the future. But you did nothing wrong,’ Wylan said and nuzzled at Jesper’s neck.

‘Okay, no pressing Wylan down. Noted,’ he said with a half laugh.

‘Yeah, we will just have to figure this out with time,’ Wylan said and leaned back a bit to look at Jesper.

They looked each other in the eyes for a second before Wylan leaned forward to kiss him again.
Jesper kissed back after a moment's hesitation and Wylan deepened the kiss again.

He scooted forward again until he sat in Jesper's lap.
Jesper had to say that he liked this position better anyway.

They continued kissing, this time slower and gentler.

Jesper lost himself in the sensation and leaned closer to his boyfriend, their naked chests pressed together.
Wylan’s hands found his hair again.
Jesper let his fingers graze over the skin of Wylan’s neck.

Wylan’s tongue slipped back into Jesper’s mouth and with a moan, Wylan ground down on Jesper’s thigh.
Jesper’s cock twitched.

Wylan began lightly pulling at his hair and his jaw fell open.
Wylan used this opportunity to literally plunge his tongue into Jesper’s mouth and muffled his moan.

Jesper moved his hand between them and began lightly playing with Wylan’s nipples.
Wylan moaned without breaking the kiss.
He gridded down harder onto Jesper’s lap.

They continued kissing and Jesper was sure that he would lose his lips soon to this intensity.
He would like nothing more.

Wylan’s hand found its way to his trousers and began undoing the fly.

Jesper pulled back to look at him.

‘Wylan, are you sure you want to do this right now? We don’t have to do anything. I am more than happy just kissing you. And we don’t need to do that either,’ he said and looked into Wylan’s eyes.
He needed this to be clear right now.

‘I know. That’s why I am kissing you in the first place,’ Wylan answered, equally serious.
‘I am doing this because I want it.
This is my choice right now and I choose to touch you. I will tell you if you do something that I don’t like and I will stop when I want to. I trust you to stop. And you will do the same and you can trust me in the same way.
I know that I don’t have to lie down and take it.
But I have my hot boyfriend right in front of me and I want to make use of that. As much or as little as I want.’

Jesper licked his lips and stared up at his boyfriend.

A part of him still wanted to say that this was too risky.
He didn’t want to hurt Wylan. But this was Wylan’s choice. This was the whole point of it. He was also very turned on by this confident Wylan and his promise of touching Jesper in whichever way he wanted.

‘Do you want this too?’ Wylan asked.

‘Yes. Ghezen, yes,’ Jesper got out.
‘Please touch me.’

Wylan smiled and nodded.
‘That’s all I need right now. We will figure out the rest as we go.’

Wylan kissed him again and Jesper melted into the touch.

His fingers ran through Jesper’s hair, gently scratching his scalp.

Wylan rocked his hips against Jesper’s. Wylan steadied himself against his shoulder and picked up the pace.

Jesper groaned at the same moment as Wylan moaned into his mouth.
He let his hand wander down to cup Wylan’s ass and his boyfriend arched into the touch.

Wylan’s hand found his fly again and he broke the kiss for a moment.

‘Can I?’ He asked breathlessly.

‘Yes, if you want, please,’ Jesper replied and with that, Wylan opened his trousers.

He began palming Jesper through the fabric of his underwear.
His eyes were fixed on Jesper and he tried his best to keep his open as well while Wylan explored his body.

He lifted his hip for Wylan to pull down his underwear and pants and he gasped when Wylan wrapped his hand around Jesper’s cock.

‘You look so beautiful right now,’ Wylan whispered.
‘So perfect.’

Jesper opened his mouth to reply, but all he could do was moan as Wylan slowly began stroking him.

After a moment, he let his hands wander to Wylan’s pants.
He licked his lips.

‘I… can I, please?’ He panted.

Wylan hesitated for a second, but then nodded.

Jesper undid his fly and Wylan picked up his slow movements again.

His boyfriend was as hard as Jesper was. Jesper began running his fingers over the cloth-covered dick and Wylan let his head fall back in a moan.

‘I can’t believe that you are my boyfriend,’ he mumbled as he let his eyes roam over Wylan’s naked chest.

‘Yeah, me neither,’ Wylan answered breathlessly.
‘Wait, give me a second.’

Jesper stopped and Wylan pulled down his underwear.

His dick sprang free and came to rest against Jesper’s.

Wylan wrapped his hand around both their cocks at the same time and began moving slowly up and down.

Jesper groaned.

If he had thought before that he was feeling all of Wylan, he was now being proven wrong.
This was heaven.

Wylan picked up the pace.

He let his head fall against Jesper’s shoulder. Jesper hugged him around the waist and buried his other hand in his hair.

Wylan was twisting his hand around the heads of their cocks and Jesper couldn’t help but rock up into his movements.

‘Wylan, I am so close, Ghezen,’ he panted.

‘Me too. Come for me, Jes,’ Wylan said and his hand moved faster.

‘Fuck, Wylan.’

Jesper pulled them close and, with a last tuck and a deep moan, he came all over his own chest and Wylan’s hand.

Wylan followed him over the edge just a second later, gasping and clawing at Jesper’s back.

When the white ecstasy slowly faded from his vision, Jesper let his head fall forward.
His forehead met Wylan’s and for a second, they just pressed their heads together, embracing each other.

‘Wylan… I… Ghezen… I…,’ Jesper panted when he found his voice again.

‘Yeah, yeah. Me too,’ Wylan replied breathlessly.

Wylan leaned forward and placed the softest kiss on Jesper’s lips.

He opened his eyes and smiled up at his boyfriend.
He reached up to wipe a sweat-wet strand of hair from Wylan’s forehead. Wylan caught his hand and placed another kiss on his fingers.

Jesper smiled and softly kissed Wylan’s chest in front of him.

He fell back onto the bed and pulled Wylan down with him.
Wylan flopped down next to him and put his head on Jesper’s chest. He could feel his boyfriend’s warm breath against his skin and his still-racing heart under his hand.

Jesper blinked and noticed that he was grinning like a child in a candy shop.

A dumber man might have said that this hadn’t even been real sex and that a man as experienced as Jesper shouldn’t be impressed, but Jesper wasn’t an idiot.
This was the best he had felt in his whole life. And the reason was lying next to him, running a finger up and down his chest.

‘You’re amazing, you know,’ he mumbled against Wylan’s hair.

‘Mh, not as amazing as you,’ Wylan replied and smiled up at him.