Archive of Our Own

To say Zayn's life had changed was a bit of an understatement. A few months ago Zayn spent his classes sitting alone near the back, barley talking even when spoken to. His evenings were spent either at work, testing his horrible social skills, or at home in the basement, studying for his classes. His Friday and Saturday nights were even worse because he'd let himself go a little crazy and not study, just so he could watch some late night Netflix and eat anything he could find. That was Zayn's life a few months ago, safe, predictable, some might say boring, but to Zayn, it was all he knew.

Zayn didn't do well with social situations, he really didn't even know how he made it through work sometimes. He's never had many friends and never anyone close enough to share any of his secrets with. He never went to parties or even school events, he never offered his answer when the teacher asked for it, and he never asked them for help either. When approached by anyone, he turned into a stuttering, blushing mess and could never think of what to say, forcing him to stand there like an idiot until the message got to his feet to flee the scene. So his new apparent life was a bit challenging for him.

See, Zayn was shy yes, but he was still human, he still had feelings - too many and that was kind of the problem- and he still had crush's. His longest standing crush was on a boy named Liam and Zayn honestly questions if he could consider it a 'crush' anymore. Zayn had spent many years crushing on Liam Payne, who of course has always been the star of the school along with his friends. Liam was basically everything. He was smart, athletic, good looking, funny, outgoing, kind... The list went on and on so it was no wonder why everyone loved him. It was also no wonder why he had never noticed Zayn before a few months ago, even if they have been going to the same school for nearly their entire life, even Uni. That was until Liam started working at the same coffee shop Zayn did and Zayn was forced to train him, forcing Liam to finally notice the honey colour eyed boy.

Zayn of course had issues training Liam because he could barely speak to a random person, never mind the man he's been head over heels for for years. Zayn didn't understand why Liam kept trying to get to know Zayn after that, not finding himself worthy of getting to know, but Liam did. Liam wanted to know everything about Zayn, asking all kinds of questions from his family to his favourite movies. Zayn had played it up at the time as Liam feeling bad about not knowing who Zayn was when he should have, but he had been wrong. He had been so wrong.

Of course nothing can happen smoothly in Zayn's life, it never had and his... Problem was a big part of the reason why. Zayn has always thought Liam was acting the way he was because he felt the need to make it up to Zayn. Zayn never even thought about the possibility of Liam actually wanting to get to know Zayn. That mixed with Zayn's inability to properly converse with people gave Liam the wrong impression and made him think that Zayn actually hated Liam for never noticing him when that wasn't the case at all. Zayn didn't blame Liam for not noticing, Zayn had worked pretty hard to be invisible because it was just easier that way, he never even thought about how lonely it could be.

With some help of Liam's friends though, they quickly sorted that out and came to realize their feelings for each other and that's kind of when Zayn's life took a sharp turn down a road he's never been down before. Zayn, now known around school as 'Liam's boyfriend', was being forced out of the shadows and into the spotlight that came with being associated with Liam Payne. Now people knew who he was, sort of, and he was hardly ever left by himself, though he wasn't sure if he preferred it this way or not.

Now, his classes were spent trying to focus because either Liam was trying to sneak his hand into places it shouldn't be in order to get Zayn's attention, or his new friends were chatting too much and giggling to themselves. His evenings were often spent still in his basement, though never alone anymore. Liam was there almost every night and so were their friends even though Zayn still tried to study as much as he could. His Friday nights were almost always spent being dragged to a party of some kind with alcohol and drugs and things that made Zayn uncomfortable. His Saturday nights, thankfully, were still spent watching Netflix, though now he almost always had someone watching with him.

Zayn hardly ever had a moment alone anymore and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He didn't want to sound ungrateful because he liked his new friends, he did, but he just wasn't used to the way they acted. There was Niall, a blonde Irishman with blue eyes, a bright smile and a personality to match. Niall was all laughs and good times, always had a story to tell and never made you feel anything less than important. He liked to include everybody and make them feel welcome which is why the bloke had so many friends and how they met really, because Niall wasn't really a new friend. He was Zayn's longest friend, though Zayn had pretty much refused to think of him as anything even remotely close to a friend for the longest time because Zayn had honestly believed that no one really wanted to be his friend.

But Niall never gave up, offering to be Zayn's partner on any group project throughout school, talking to Zayn on a regular basis even though Zayn never said much, and always assured him he was there if Zayn ever needed anyone. Zayn never took him up on the offer but always thought it was nice of Niall to do that and easily gave Niall the position of Zayn's closest mate. Not that the position had a long list of awaiting applicants.

Zayn's next closest mate would have to be Louis. Louis was a new friend with chestnut brown hair and blue-grey eyes. He was a loud, very opinionated bloke with absolutely no shame to be found anywhere. He was all about partying and having a good time, he was random and spontaneous and pretty much everything Zayn was not. The pair should make an absolute terrible set of mates but they didn't. Zayn admired Louis' 'I don't give a fuck' attitude and wished he could be more like that. Still, Zayn should probably be intimidated by the bloke but he wasn't. Zayn actually found Louis to be one of the easiest people to talk to. Louis spoke his mind, he always told Zayn exactly what he was thinking, no hesitations, and Zayn liked that. He really liked that.

Zayn's biggest problem was worrying about offending someone, boring them or annoying them, and Louis was always honest, sometimes too honest. He told Zayn when he was offended, he told Zayn when he was annoyed, and he especially told Zayn when he was bored. It made it easy to talk to Louis, it took out all the guess work because now he knew what he could and couldn't say with Louis, which the list of things he couldn't say, Zayn noticed was very short.

After Louis was Harry who Zayn wasn't necessarily the closest with but still enjoyed his company. Harry was a charming lad that had a way with words, his voice deep and calming. He was pretty chill, sort of went with the motions no matter how sudden or hard they came. Harry was easily the most sought after guy in school, ever since he had that growth spurt in secondary and learned to dress himself properly, he had a new girl to talk about every week. It wasn't hard for him to pull that many girls with his dark curly hair and bright green eyes, his long legs and dazzling smile. Zayn and Harry's relationship was mostly shared on their love for tattoos and Harry's constant begging of Zayn to draw him something he could get inked on his skin.

Then of course there was Liam who Zayn practically worshipped because he was Liam and Liam was amazing. Zayn didn't think there was a person out there as amazing as Liam. Liam was a taller lad with broad shoulders and defined muscles. He could easily pick Zayn up, which Zayn kind of loved. He had deep coffee brown eyes with little flecks of gold that made them shine and when he smiled that amazing smile of his, his eyes crinkled at the corners and Zayn failed miserably at trying to find a word to describe it other than adorable, but that's what Liam was, adorable. At first glance he looked like your typical superstar athlete that liked to party every weekend and hook up with as many people as possible, but that wasn't him.

Yes, Liam was an athlete, an amazing athlete, and yes, he did like to go to parties though he didn't drink much, Liam was really a sweet, caring, dork, and Zayn loved that. He told the most horrible jokes that still made Zayn laugh because Liam would laugh at himself afterwards and Zayn couldn't help but laugh when he did. He was outgoing yes, but still had that shy side to him that Zayn could easily relate to, though Liam's wasn't anywhere near as bad as Zayn's. Liam loved comics and superheroes, was a total Batman Fanboy and wasn't afraid to admit it. He loved sitting in and hanging out with friends just as much as he loved going to parties and was an all-around humble guy.

These four boys were very different from him and he really didn't understand why they were bothering with Zayn at all, though he was happy they were. He supposed Liam was a big part of the reason, but he didn't understand why Liam was bothering with him either. Compared to Liam, Zayn was basically a nobody. He wasn't as good looking with his smaller frame, caramel skin and black hair, at least he didn't think he was. According to Louis Zayn had 'the most amazing cheekbones, I swear to God, Zayn' and hair that would 'look good if you just styled it right, mate', but Zayn didn't see this. Zayn was also as entertaining as a rock he thought and couldn't really keep a conversation going, especially not a conversation that was about Louis and his sore bum.

"I swear, that guy was trying to split me open." Louis concluded from the end of the bed where he was sitting cross legged, shifting every once in a while uncomfortably. Zayn tried not to think about what he meant by that.

"Maybe next time you should ask for a measurement instead of a name." Niall told him from on the couch over in front of the television where he had a footie game quietly playing. Harry cracked a smile at this from where he sat beside Niall, directing it right at Louis. Zayn heard a small snort come from Liam as well who Zayn was practically laying on. They were laying on his bed, Liam leaning against the headboard and Zayn leaning against Liam, with Liam's arms wrapped around his waist. This wasn't where Zayn chose to sit, Liam had dragged him over without warning, not that Zayn minded.

"Maybe next time you should just ask in general," Louis snapped back. "I mean, some girls might be into it but most will call the police." Louis finished. Niall laughed in spite of himself, raising a certain finger at Louis. "What about you Zayn? I've seen with my own eyes that Liam has quite the python on him, how do you not limp all day?" Louis asked curiously. Unfortunately it wasn't an odd question for Louis, but that didn't mean Zayn was anymore used to it. Zayn's eyes sort of bulged and he knew Louis was taking the piss but that didn't stop his cheeks from turning pink.

"Lou..." Liam warned, his voice deep yet laced with amusement. Zayn could feel the rumble of Liam's voice on his back and although he could tell Liam was trying to not give Louis the satisfaction of laughing, he found it quite calming. Louis gasped dramatically, feigning shock.

"Don't tell me you haven't... You know." Louis mock whispered, waving his hands in the air towards them. Again, Zayn knew Louis was taking the piss, making fun of Zayn's apparent innocence because Zayn knew for a fact that the lad had absolutely no problem mentioning sex, talking about sex, and saying the word sex. In fact, calling it sex would be tame for Louis. "I suppose it has only been, what? Three months? You wouldn't want to go too fast." Louis snorted.

"Don't listen to him, Zayner." Niall said, turning to look at the flustered boy. "Just because he'll crawl into bed with anything that has legs doesn't mean the rest of us have to." Niall added, earning a glare from Louis.

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "I think it's cute you guys are waiting." Harry commented. Zayn was all kinds of uncomfortable, he could barely talk to Liam about this stuff and even that was just Liam talking and Zayn blushing into his lap and nodding once in a while. How did they think this would not make Zayn uncomfortable?

"Cute, sure." Louis agreed. "But it's got to get boring." He added. Out of the corner of Zayn's eyes he saw a couch pillow flying through the air, a pillow that Niall had thrown and smacked Louis directly in the face with.

"Leave him alone." Niall said defensively. Zayn felt Liam's lips press against the skin just below his ear before he heard his voice, but that did little to comfort him.

"We're fine, Lou. Not everything is about the physical stuff." Liam explained, making Zayn frown. It really wasn't what Liam had said that made Zayn frown but the whole conversation. Zayn knew he might be taking things slow, at least by today's standards, but he just wasn't ready, not really. It's not like he didn't want to, because he did, but he was afraid to let Liam see that much of him. Hell, he had just gotten comfortable enough to wear short sleeves around the guys, he wasn't ready to let Liam see his body naked. What if Liam didn't like what he saw? Because Zayn has seen Liam nearly naked and there was a huge difference. There was no way Zayn could compete with that.

"Well," Louis huffed, shuffling off the bed and stretching out. "Why should I stay where I'm only insulted?" Louis asked, heading for the stairs.

"Hey!" Niall called out. "I need a ride!"

"You should have thought about that before you insulted me five hundred times." Louis called back. Niall stood anyway, rushing over to the stairs and declaring his love for Louis.

"Bye!" Liam shouted after them, his arms readjusting to hold Zayn better as he pressed another kiss to Zayn's neck. Zayn sighed in content, snuggling down into Liam more.

"I'm guessing it's preferred if I head out as well?" Harry asked, standing and slipping his phone into his pocket. Zayn blushed even more, if that was possible, and lowered his gaze.

"You don't have to, Haz." Liam said but Zayn could hear the grin in his voice that told Harry that Liam would like that very much.

"Yeah, okay." Harry snorted, heading for the stairs and taking them two at a time. "Wait for me!" He called up to the two other boys and then he was gone, leaving Liam and Zayn alone. Liam sighed, kissing Zayn's neck once again before resting his head against Zayn's, the basement filling with silence for a moment.

"You okay, love?" Liam asked quietly, sensing something was off with Zayn. Zayn debated in voicing his thoughts, he's been trying to open up to Liam more but it wasn't always so easy.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Zayn assured weakly.

"What Louis said didn't bother you, right?" Liam asked, lifting his head, probably to look at Zayn. "Because... It doesn't matter what he says, all that matters is what we said." Liam explained but that didn't help any. Was is what they said? Or what Zayn said? How was this fair to Liam?

"I'm fine." Zayn repeated. Now Liam was shifting underneath Zayn, wiggling out from under him so Zayn tried his best to let him go but sort of ended up slipping so he was laying down on the bed. Liam took the opportunity to throw his leg over Zayn, straddling the smaller boy so he was trapped. Liam propped himself up on his hands that he placed on either side of Zayn's head and looked down at Zayn, meeting his eyes.

"Zayn, we've talked about this, love." Liam said softly. "I understand that you're not ready and I don't want to unless you are. Is it hard? Yes, very, because you're so God damn sexy, but I would never want you to do something you weren't one hundred percent comfortable with." Liam said. Zayn blushed profusely, breaking eye contact with Liam's compliment like he always did when Liam said those kinds of things. Zayn couldn't bring himself to believe them but Liam seemed set on making sure that he does. "Hey... Look at me." Liam said, using one hand to turn Zayn's chin so he was looking at Liam again.

"What?" Zayn asked quietly because he hasn't said anything in a while and that was another thing he was trying to do, speak more.

"You're beautiful, Zayn." Liam answered and when Zayn went to break eye contact again, Liam stopped him by placing his lips on his. Zayn always lost himself when Liam would kiss him. It's like his mind would shut off and he didn't think about much of anything except Liam's lips pressed against his. He was able to respond appropriately and not worry about anything except enjoying this feeling. This feeling of Liam wanting to be here with him, of Liam wanting to be this intimate with him. He enjoyed it quite a lot and was quite disappointed when Liam pulled away to look at him. "When are you going to start believing me?" Liam asked, completely serious. Zayn wasn't sure what to say to this, he wasn't sure what to say to a lot of the things Liam said to him and it was kind of frustrating, for both of them.

"Zayn, you have to tell me what you're thinking. I'm not a mind reader, babe." Liam encouraged after a moment.

"I- I just can't believe..." Zayn began, losing his courage halfway through his sentence.

"Can't believe what?" Liam encouraged again, reaching up to stroke his thumb along Zayn's cheek in a way that was so gentle and so soft it had Zayn's heart fluttering.

"That you'd want to be with me." Zayn finished quietly. It's not exactly what he meant... He could understand someone wanting to be with someone else, he wasn't daft, but he just didn't understand how someone like Liam could want to be with someone like Zayn. It made no sense to him.

"Well, I do. So you'd better start believing it." Liam instructed, leaning down to brush his lips against Zayn's gently, contradicting the firm tone to his words. Again, Zayn had no response for the boy, not one he was brave enough to voice at least.

~

"Nick is throwing a party this weekend, and your ass had better be there." Louis said from the other side of the counter where he was picking up his tea that he ordered, on the house of course because they were mates, you know. It's what mates do, Zayn. Zayn didn't mind giving Louis free tea, it was only tea after all but you didn't see Zayn storming into Louis' work and demanding free stuff. Not that Zayn would have use for any kinds of toys, nor would he be able to demand anything... Zayn actually thinks if he could walk into Toys R' Us and demand Louis give him a free remote control car, Louis would be so shocked he would have to give it him. It was kind of tempting.

"I don't know." Zayn mumbled, keeping his head ducked as he wiped down the counter. It wasn't really busy in the shop anymore, the evening rush having just ended and only a few people remained in the shop, all having been served and were now just chatting or revising their school work.

"There's nothing to know, Zayn, except for the fact that you're going to be there and you're going to have fun." Louis replied before sipping at his tea.

"I don't really like parties." Zayn admitted, pretending not to notice the glare on the lad's face.

"That's because you stand in a corner, completely sober I might add, and refuse to move until we say we're leaving." Louis explained as if Zayn didn't know this already. "Imagine if you had a drink or I don't know... socialized!" Louis added, setting his tea down and giving Zayn a 'duh' look.

"Is Liam going?" Zayn asked. He would go if Liam was because Liam would spend the night with him in that corner and then it might be worth it.

"I don't know, haven't talked to him about it yet but you know... You can go places without him, right?" Louis asked, making Zayn shrug. Of course he knew he could go places without Liam, he just didn't particularly want to. "Come on, Zayn. Niall will be there, Haz will probably be there... Honestly, I think Liam's going to ditch because he has that mid-term next week, but you can still go!" Louis said earnestly.

"I don't know, Louis..."

"Please? I want you to come. Please, for me?" Louis asked and Zayn could hear the pout in his voice without looking up, but he did and really shouldn't have. Louis was jutting out his bottom lip, folding his hands together in a type of prayer and looking up at him with his blue eyes, begging him to agree. Zayn really didn't know why Louis wanted him to go so badly. Louis had plenty of other friends and he was fairly certain it'd take a lot less work to get them to agree to go with him. "Mate, if you don't come, I'm never talking to you again." Louis said finally and Zayn's reply came instantly, without his permission he might add.

"And wouldn't that be a shame." Zayn mumbled, his eyes widening in shock when he heard his own words. Zayn didn't talk like that, not out loud at least. Those thoughts were reserved for his head and his head only because now Louis was looking at him, and he really couldn't read the expression on his face. Was he mad that Zayn responded like that? Did he know Zayn was only teasing? He hoped so because it really would be a shame if Louis stopped talking to him, he liked Louis, he felt comfortable around Louis and he really didn't want that to go away.

"Yes. Yes, it would be, smart ass." Louis replied, smirking slightly because he could obviously tell that Zayn surprised even himself with that comment. Zayn sighed, picking at the fabric of the wet cloth in his hands.

"Fine." He mumbled out, suppressing the grin that wanted to creep over his face when Louis cheered in delight, earning several looks from other customers and Zayn figured that that was his cue to ditch the lad at the counter and duck away out of sight.

~

Liam
Now dont u be talkin 2 any cute guys 2nite. Ur mine.

Zayn smiled down at his phone, quickly tugging his bottom lip in between his teeth to conceal it but he didn't think that was working all that well. Zayn knew Liam wasn't serious because he was pretty sure Liam would love it if Zayn were to start talking to people and Zayn also knew Liam knew he would never do anything like that to him.

Liam
I'm serious. Lou posted a photo of u on IG, everyone is gonna be all over u

U look amazing 2nite babe wish I could go

Zayn
You can. I wish you would.

Liam
Aw ull be fine Lou will take care of u

Zayn
That's what I'm afraid of.

Liam
Lol have fun babe :) xx

Zayn
Study hard :) x

Zayn smiled down at his phone, the blush in his cheeks from Liam's compliment fading. He really liked texting. He loved texting. Texting was a gift from the heavens because it was so much easier to tell Liam things. He could easily flirt with him, he could joke around with him and even tease him, it was great. He didn't know what it was about texting that made it so much easier to be real with Liam, but he was glad for it.

He felt bad when Liam would sit there and tell him everything from his childhood to his fears to any random thought that crossed his mind and Zayn couldn't even get out his favourite kind of food without a fight. It was frustrating, but over a text Zayn found it easier to divulge these things about himself, to tease Liam the way he wanted and to even compliment Liam back because he deserved that. He deserved someone who could tell him how great he is and how lucky they were to have him.

Zayn knew of course he couldn't rely on texting to keep their relationship going but he figured it might be a good way to stall until he figured out how to talk to Liam properly outside of a text.

"Okay Blushy McSmiley, time to go." Louis announced, coming out of the bathroom he had just spent at least twenty minutes in. They were in Zayn's basement because Louis insisted they wouldn't be able to get ready in time at his house with all his little sisters running around.

"Are you sure about this, Louis?" Zayn couldn't help but ask. He was really worried about going to this without Liam, he's never been to a party without Liam and he was kind of nervous, well... More nervous than usual.

"What? Of course, you look fit." Louis assured as Zayn stood, slipping his phone into his pocket.

"No, not the outfit." Zayn said, scratching nervously at the back of his neck. "The party... I mean, w-without Liam I don't really..."

"Don't really what?" Louis asked curiously when Zayn trailed off, not sure if he should finish the sentence or not. Zayn sighed, dropping his hand at his side.

"Belong." Zayn finished, looking to the ground, not wanting to see Louis laughing at him. Louis didn't laugh though so Zayn figured it was safe to at least look up, and when he did, he was surprised to see the soft look on Louis' face. Zayn didn't know if it was sympathy, guilt, or something else but it was gone faster than Zayn could could come to name it, making Zayn question if it was ever there to begin with.

"Of course you belong." Louis dismissed, waving his hand in the air. "You're of the human variety, are you not?" Louis asked, quirking an eyebrow at Zayn. That's not what Zayn was talking about and he could tell Louis knew that, but Zayn didn't argue any further and followed Louis up the stairs and out to his vehicle.

~

The party was like any other party, loud music, a crowded house, lots of alcohol and horny drunks. And like any other party, Zayn stood in his corner and observed like a good little boy, waiting for one of his friends to come and get him because they were leaving. Zayn really didn't understand why Louis insisted on dragging him here, he never had fun and Louis always ended calling him a party pooper and then disappeared for the night. It was a bit pointless if you asked Zayn.

From his corner Zayn could see the whole living room, part of the kitchen, the front door and the staircase that lead upstairs. The rooms were poorly lit with a cheap colourful light that sent rays of red, blue, and green over the room. The living room also smelled of stale body odor, too much cologne, and a side of what Zayn has unfortunately come to know as pot. The walls shook with how loud the music was, it was a surprise the portraits of the family hanging on the walls hadn't fallen yet.

Zayn was pretty bored tonight. Usually there was someone to watch, a drunk frat boy looking to hook up with any girl he came across and constantly being shot down, or a wasted girl trying to dance but really was just stumbling around and bumping into people, but tonight there seemed to be a lack of stupid people, at least within Zayn's vision. He was contemplating finding a new corner in hopes of finding some kind of entertainment when a heavy weight knocked into him.

"Zayner, whatcha doing over here?" Came Niall's Irish accent, his accent thick from the amount beer he's probably downed in the past little bit. Zayn turned to him, a small smile on his face as he took in the flushed skin of Niall, the blown out pupils of his blue eyes and the slightly sweaty blonde hair on his head. He was drunk, for sure.

"Just watching." Zayn offered as an answer along with a shrug.

"Watching is no fun." Niall declared, throwing an arm over Zayn's shoulder.

"It's okay." Zayn shrugged again, turning when he felt more than heard someone appear on the other side of him.

"Drink this." Louis said, shoving a red plastic cup in Zayn's hand. Zayn took it for fear of Louis letting it fall if he didn't and just stared down into the pink liquid inside the cup. "Drink."

"I don't drink." Zayn reminded him.

"It's juice." Louis said immediately but Zayn didn't believe him, he wasn't stupid and Zayn gave Louis a look that said as much. "Okay, it tastes like juice, just try it." Louis said, sounding exasperated. Zayn eyed him for a second, well aware of Niall watching to see what he'd do. Zayn really didn't want to be that guy, that guy that was no fun and refused to try anything that might lead to fun, so after a moment he brought the cup to his lips and took a cautious sip.

"There's a good lad." Louis praised, clapping Zayn on the back gently. The liquid tasted like fruit punch to be honest, but there was that hint of something else that Zayn could taste but it was hardly there so Zayn ignored it because both Niall and Louis were smiling at him like they were proud or something.

"Louis! Niall!" Came a voice, almost being drowned out by the music. Zayn turned to see a tall man with an even taller quiff walking towards them.

"Nick!" Niall called back, a grin on his face as he held out his hand as the two shared some kind of secret handshake. Louis did not extend his hand, but he did smile at the man and then pulled Zayn close by the waist, keeping his arm there.

"How are you, mate?" Louis asked, his smile wide but cautious. Zayn was confused by this because he thought Nick was a friend of Louis'.

"Good, good." Nick nodded, his eyes roaming over to Zayn and Zayn really couldn't help but duck his head. He might be more comfortable with the guys but with a complete stranger, he was not. "Hey, uh, you're Liam's boyfriend, right?" Nick asked, pointing a long finger in Zayn's direction. Zayn nodded, glancing briefly at the bloke but not able to hold eye contact for long.

"Zayn." He offered because although he loved that he was Liam's boyfriend, he didn't like being only known as Liam's boyfriend.

"Sorry, what?" Nick asked, taking a step towards them and leaning in to hear better. Zayn didn't miss the way Louis' grip sort of tightened around his waist.

"He said his name is Zayn." Louis repeated for him, his tone cold and tight. Nick furrowed his eyebrows at Louis but quickly let it go, smiling at Zayn apologetically.

"Sorry, it's really loud in here, isn't it?" Nick apologized. Zayn nodded because it was and it was understandable that Nick hadn't heard him so he didn't know why Louis was getting so upset about this. "Man, Liam sure is a lucky man." Nick said, his eyes raking up and down Zayn's body in an obvious way, making Zayn incredibly uncomfortable. Zayn also noticed the way Niall tensed up at this which kind of worried Zayn more because Niall was anything but tense.

"Can I grab you drink... Uh..." Nick asked but he seemed to have forgotten his name.

"Zayn," Louis supplied, his grip tightening even more. "And he's got a drink."

"Well, he's got two hands, right?" Nick replied, turning to Zayn now. "How about it?" He asked, a hungry look in his eyes that Zayn did not like.

"Zayn's good, mate." Louis replied, his tone firm.

"Well, can Zayn answer his own questions?" Nick asked, sounding annoyed. The three boys looked to Zayn, making Zayn panic. Of course Zayn didn't want a drink, not from Nick anyway. Couldn't he accept Louis' answer and go?

"No, thank you." Zayn shook his head, seeing the triumphant look Louis shot Nick and the glare Nick shot louis.

"Hey, Nick, why don't you get me a drink and I'll kick your ass in beer pong?" Niall said cheerily, removing his arm from Zayn's shoulder and throwing it over Nick's, leading him away. Zayn couldn't hear Nick's reply but he went with Niall anyway, leaving Zayn and Louis alone. Louis' grip loosened on Zayn, the bloke breathing a sigh as he looked awkwardly over his shoulder.

"What was that?" Zayn asked, confused. Louis' eyebrows shot up at his question, his eyes darting over to Nick then back to Zayn.

"That? Nothing, don't worry about it." Louis said, waving his hand in dismissal.

"I thought you guys were friends?" Zayn questioned, sipping at his drink because it was in his hand and it just seemed like the thing to do.

"We are... I just... I know that he's got a heat seeking missile between his legs and you have issues telling people no." Louis shrugged. Zayn furrowed his eyebrows at Louis.

"Do you think I would cheat on Liam?" Zayn asked, a little shocked that Louis would even think that.

"No! God, no." Louis replied instantly, shaking his head. Zayn gave him a questioning look over the rim of his cup, the drink was better than Zayn originally gave it credit for. "I just know him and... well, just forget about it. It's over, let's move on." Louis instructed, but Zayn still had questions.

"Why would he even want me?" Zayn asked. Louis scoffed, his eyes looking Zayn up and down, sort of like Nick had done but the look in his eyes was nowhere near what Nick had looked like.

"Mate, think what you want, but you're fit. You had better learn to accept that and you had better learn how to deal with guys like that." Louis instructed, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder in Nick's direction. Zayn didn't reply to that, not that Louis seemed to care, because he really didn't see many more people coming up to him to supposedly hit on him. They haven't for years, why would they start now? "Drink up, I want you to try my specialty." Louis instructed, changing the subject as he reached out and brought Zayn's drink to his lips for him. Zayn did as told because the drink he had now was actually pretty good and he was kind of curious to see what Louis' specialty drink was, not that he planned to have any more than that because Zayn had never been even remotely close to drunk before and he didn't want to change that tonight. There was no way he was allowing Louis to get him drunk.

~

"Li, babe, we need you to pick us up." Louis said into the phone as Zayn watched person after person stumble from the door of the house they had just come out of, a little too fascinated with the bells hanging from the door handle that jingled every time someone opened it. "Because I'm way too fucking drunk to drive." Louis continued, a dopey grin spreading across his face as he leaned on his car for balance. The night air was cool and damp, it having rained apparently while they were inside, and Zayn found new entertainment in kicking loose stones into a puddle at the side of the road. It was harder than it appeared, the rock kept jumping out of the way at the last second and Zayn would stumble a bit, but there was the odd time where the rock was just too slow and Zayn would send it flying in the direction of the puddle, grinning once it disappeared under the water.

"I can't find Haz and he's not answering his phone and do you really think Niall is even remotely sober?" Louis questioned, tripping over his words and mushing them together but Zayn thinks if he can understand him, Liam should be able to. "Zayn? Well uh... Zayn is worse off than I am." Louis admitted, glancing over in Zayn's direction, Zayn giving him a big grin as he kicked at another rock and this time couldn't get his foot back on the ground before he fell over, landing on his back with an 'oof'. "Oh god, Zayn get up! You're going to get run over! Liam, just come get us before your boyfriend decides to reenact the scene from notebook and I'm telling you now... I'm not lying down with him!" Louis said stubbornly into the phone before hanging up and clumsily making his way over to where Zayn laid on the ground. Louis looked down at him, his hands on his hips and he tried to look condescending but really just ended up looking constipated.

"Is Liam coming to get us?" Zayn asked, looking blurrily up at Louis, a grin spreading across his face again at the mention of Liam. Zayn liked Liam, Liam was amazing. Surely he would come get him.

"He is, but you need to be alive for that so why don't you get up, yeah?" Louis said, reaching out a hand to Zayn that he took, trying to climb to his feet as Louis pulled but it just wasn't working at all. Louis stumbled first and ended up dropping Zayn and then tripping over the lad, landing with an 'oof' beside him. Zayn knew he shouldn't laugh, it was mean to laugh and he might hurt Louis' feelings but he couldn't stop it from tumbling out of his mouth, quiet snickers at first but quickly growing into a loud cackle that felt foreign to his ears. Zayn couldn't remember the last time he let out a loud cackle like that, if he ever did. He always controlled his laughter because he didn't want to annoy anyone.

"Shut up, you hyena." Louis grumbled as he climbed to his feet but that only made Zayn laugh more because he did sound like hyena and he couldn't believe how funny Louis was. "Come on, Zayner. You have to get up, you're going to get wet." Louis explained, reaching down for Zayn's hand again, this time pulling him from a different angle and getting him to his feet. The world sort of spun for a second and there was definitely two Louis' there for a minute but they quickly righted themselves and now Zayn was standing upright, using Louis to steady himself.

"Honestly, mate, can't you hold your liquor?" Louis asked but there was an amused tone to his voice, something that sounded almost fond.

"That'd be kind of hard, Louis." Zayn explained, dead serious as he focused on speaking clearly. "It'd fall right through your fingers."

"You're a bit cheeky when you're drunk, you know that?" Louis asked, allowing Zayn to hang off him in order to keep upright.

"Tommo!" Came a familiar Irish voice, making Louis turn and by default, Zayn. "You're not driving are you?" Niall called out as he stumbled towards them.

"No, you think I'm that stupid?" Louis asked, stumbling a bit with Zayn's extra weight. "Liam's coming, where's Haz?"

"He ran off with some bird, he's probably not coming back either." Niall explained, his blue eyes roaming over to where Zayn stood, barely stood, and grinned at him. "You alright there, Zayner?" Niall asked because he was so caring, so considerate of other people. Zayn loved that. He loved Niall, he really did and he wanted to tell him as much.

"Nialler," Zayn mumbled, wriggling out of the semi-hold Louis had on him and stumbling over to the blonde who caught him by the waist. "Niall." Zayn repeated his name, the blonde boy grinning at Zayn in amusement.

"Yeah, buddy?" Niall asked, craning his neck back in order to look at Zayn properly.

"I love you." Zayn said, obviously taking both boys by surprise. "You- you were always there and I love you." Zayn tried to explain but he wasn't able to tell Niall what he felt, the words weren't coming to him at the moment. Zayn wanted to thank Niall for being him and always trying to bring Zayn out of his shell without pushing him too far. Niall seemed to understand this anyway and grinned at Zayn, hoisting him up a bit because he was starting to slip.

"I love you too, Buddy." Niall replied, turning when he saw a pair of headlights coming down the road.

"Well, now I feel like a bit of a third wheel." Louis teased as the headlights slowed down beside them.

"Aww, we love you too, Tommo!" Niall commented, reaching out to ruffle Louis' sweaty mess of hair, only to have his hand swatted away.

"A little less love, please." He mumbled before turning and opening the door to what Zayn now recognized as Liam's SUV.

"Liam!" Zayn cheered, his good mood shooting up ten times more. Niall walked Zayn towards the vehicle, Liam smiling at him but it was obvious he was a little shocked at Zayn being drunk. Zayn hoped he didn't mind, he hoped he wouldn't be disappointed in Zayn for letting himself get this drunk. He hadn't meant to but Louis kept handing him drink after drink that tasted of fruit juice and he really didn't think that something that tasted so good could really have so much alcohol in it.

"Hello, love." Liam greeted as Niall deposited Zayn in the passenger seat. Liam immediately reached over and grabbed the safety belt, stretching it across Zayn and clicking it in as the other two boys climbed into the back. Zayn thought that it was sweet of Liam to think of that, he wanted to thank him for it so before Liam could fully return to his seat, Zayn grabbed his head and turned it towards him, capturing Liam's lips in a sloppy kiss. Liam made a noise of surprise, probably because Zayn didn't often initiate a kiss, at least not one like this. Zayn's kisses were chaste and shy, not heated and lingering.

Zayn sort of got lost in Liam then, he got lost in the feel of Liam's lips, Liam's wonderfully soft lips and he didn't want to let go. Zayn deepened the kiss, opening his mouth and slipping his tongue in because he wanted to. He wanted to taste Liam because Liam always tasted amazing, usually like mint with a hint of some kind of fruit and right now was no different. Zayn felt Liam melt into the kiss and was kind of happy he could have that effect on the lad. Their lips molded together easily, their tongues finding each other quickly and if it weren't for the alcohol pumping through him right now, Zayn would have pulled away long ago because of the two boys sitting in the back seat. But there was alcohol pumping through his veins, a lot of it, so Zayn didn't really care.

All he cared about was Liam at the moment and showing Liam how much he cared about him and how grateful he was to have Liam in his life. That's how it started out and that's all that he intended to do but he got caught up in the heat of it all and moved his hands back and up into Liam's non-styled hair, pulling ever so slightly. Zayn felt Liam respond to that, deepening the kiss even more in a sort of desperation and Zayn wanted to feel more of that, he wanted to make Liam feel as crazy as Liam made him feel sometimes. Zayn sucked Liam's bottom lip in between his teeth and bit down lightly, eliciting a small groan from Liam.

"Okay, think you can save that for later when you've dropped us off?" Louis asked, making Liam break away, much to Zayn's dismay, and fall back into his seat, his breath coming fast and hard. Zayn pouted as Liam cursed under his breath and pulled away from the curb. After a moment Zayn leaned over the middle of the SUV, the safety belt digging into his neck but he didn't care, he just wanted to be as close to Liam as possible. Zayn grabbed Liam's arm and hugged it to his chest, resting his head on Liam's shoulder.

Liam smiled down at him, his breaths more even now as he placed a quick kiss on Zayn's head. With this new angle it was hard not to notice the slight bulge in Liam's crotch and Zayn couldn't help but giggle, knowing he was the cause of that. Still giggling slightly, Zayn reached out, sliding his hand along Liam's thigh, inching closer and closer until Liam's hand came down and stopped him. When Zayn tried to pull out of his hand and inch his own closer, Liam laced their fingers together and squeezed, not allowing Zayn to wiggle out of it. Zayn giggled at being caught, looking up at Liam to see him giving Zayn what he assumed was supposed to be a stern look but Zayn could tell he was barely keeping it together.

"Eyes on the road, Payne." Louis instructed. "If I wanted to crash, I'd have driven myself home." And with that Liam turned to the road again, a slight blush colouring his cheeks.

They did make it home without crashing, even if Zayn still attempted to wiggle out of Liam's grip once in a while. They dropped Niall and Louis off and headed for Zayn's home. It took a little bit of begging, though probably not as much as it should have, to get Liam to come inside. Zayn thinks it was the fact that he couldn't even get his own safety belt undone that had Liam agreeing and hopping out of the SUV to come and get him out of the vehicle. At first Liam let Zayn lean on him but that proved to take longer than Liam wanted in walking to the door so he ended up picking Zayn up bridal style, sending Zayn's head in a spin for a moment. Zayn giggled at the rush, feeling like he was flying, and buried his face in Liam's neck. He couldn't help but kiss Liam there, wanting to thank the lad for carrying him inside but that escalated into a lot more than just a thank you.

Zayn was on a mission now, sucking and nipping at the skin with his teeth, listening to Liam's breathing turn hoarse and Zayn knew it wasn't from the exertion of carrying him. They were in the house now, the house quiet and dark because it was pretty late, and were heading for the stairs that lead to the basement. Zayn moved his mouth, seeing the dark mark he left on Liam's neck and giggling again. He moved his mouth up, peppering Liam's skin with small kisses and tiny nips until he came to his ear and decided to suck his earlobe into his mouth.

"Fuck, Zayn, I'm going to drop you if you don't stop." Liam gritted out, kicking the door open to the basement. Zayn ignored this as Liam descended the stairs, being careful not to smack Zayn against the railing. Zayn moved his mouth again along Liam's jaw, reaching out with his hand to turn Liam's face towards Zayn's until Zayn could pull him into another heated kiss. Zayn was faintly aware that they had reached the bottom but was more concerned with Liam's tongue licking into his mouth. Zayn was also faintly aware that this was so unlike him but the alcohol squelched that thought pretty well as Liam made it to Zayn's bed, lying him down gently but not breaking the kiss.

When Liam did try to break free from the kiss, Zayn let out a little whine and pulled on his shirt, making Liam fall on top of him, not that Zayn minded. Zayn found Liam's lips again, connecting them and grabbing Liam by the back of the neck so he couldn't get away this time. He felt Liam give in, felt the pressure of Liam kissing him and was delighted when Liam fitted himself better on top of Zayn. Zayn separated his legs, allowing Liam to fall in between them and creating a wonderful bit of friction for a moment. Liam moaned at the contact, pulling away to catch a breath so Zayn moved his lips down his neck instead, happy to give Liam a moment.

"Zayn," Liam said, though it came out like a breath. "Fuck, Zayn, stop." Liam said but didn't make any attempt to stand. Zayn kept going, finding a spot that had Liam bucking his hips and allowing Zayn to feel how much Liam did not want him to stop. "No, no, Zayn we- we can't-" Liam was shaking his head and started to push himself up by his arm, breaking the contact between his neck and Zayn's lips, to stare down at Zayn.

"No, I want to." Zayn said because he did. He wanted this so bad, he just couldn't tell Liam when he was sober.

"No, love." Liam said softly, holding himself up by one hand so he could stroke Zayn's cheek with the other hand. "You've had too much to drink." Liam said but Zayn shook his head.

"No, Li, I want to, I want you." Zayn said, the words feeling funny coming from him. Zayn saw the effect those words had on Liam, could see his resolve cracking so he kept going. "I want you so bad, I need you." Zayn said, grinding his hips up into Liam's, causing the slightly younger boy to shut his eyes. But Liam shook his head.

"No, love... You'd hate me in the morning." He mumbled and Zayn thinks it was meant more for Liam than it was for Zayn but he answered anyway.

"No, I wouldn't. I could never hate you." Zayn assured, being completely honest.

"Okay, I'll make you a deal." Liam said softly, meeting Zayn's eyes. "You still want to tomorrow, we can, but not tonight, babe." Zayn pouted at this, not happy with that at all but he didn't think he was going to convince Liam otherwise. Liam took Zayn's silence as agreement, leaning down to peck his lips before falling to the side to lay beside Zayn. "Go to sleep, love." Liam said, wrapping an arm around Zayn' waist and holding him close. Zayn didn't know how Liam expected him to fall asleep with his boner poking Zayn in the leg but somehow he managed.

~

When Zayn woke up it was to a warm body pressed against his back and faint thumping coming from upstairs. Obviously his sisters were awake and running around without a care that Zayn might still be sleeping. This wasn't the first time Zayn had woken up to Liam in his bed, they've fallen asleep together many times but never when Zayn had been drunk and was now having troubles remembering exactly what happened. Zayn sat upright in the bed, his eyes wide and heart pounding. He immediately regretted it when his head started to pound and the room started to spin. His stomach then decided it wasn't exactly happy and he knew he couldn't stay in the bed any longer. Zayn was faintly aware of the groan coming from behind him as he dashed to the bathroom, throwing open the door and tossing himself down in front of the toilet.

Throwing up was probably one of Zayn's least favourite things to do, especially when it was first thing in the morning and all he was really throwing up was water... or alcohol, he supposed. Just when Zayn thought he was done, his stomach churned again and he had to lean back over the toilet, opting to just sit there for a while until his stomach stopped twisting. As he sat there he tried to remember what had happened last night. The last thing he really remembers was talking with Louis about Nick and then Louis was pouring him drink after drink and Niall then challenging him to a game of beer pong, which he thinks he lost at. After that it become a little hazy. He remembers flashes of lying down in the road, of kissing Liam in his SUV and then lying in bed with Liam on top of him and... oh God, did they... No. They couldn't have. Zayn would never do that, even drunk.

But even as he told himself this, leaning over the toilet bowl one more time, the words 'I need you' and 'I want to' played through his mind and he suddenly wasn't so sure. Zayn swore then and there, he was never getting drunk again. He couldn't remember a damn thing and he hated that, not to mention the early morning visit the bathroom. It just wasn't worth it, not to him.

"I'll go get you some water." Liam said from behind Zayn, sounding tired. Zayn nodded, thinking that that was probably a good idea and tried to stand up. He was a little shaky from expelling the contents of his stomach but he managed to get to his feet and make his way back to the bed after brushing his teeth and rinsing out his mouth to get rid of the horrible taste stuck in there. His head was still throbbing with every movement he made but at least his stomach didn't feel quite as upset. Zayn sat there, desperately trying to remember last night because he really didn't want to have to ask Liam if they had sex. Not only would it be embarrassing, but if they had and Liam found out that maybe Zayn regretted it... He'd probably end up hurting Liam. It's not like he didn't want to have sex with Liam, it was just... He would have liked to remember it.

"Your mum gave me some aspirin as well." Liam said coming down the stairs with a glass of water and a closed hand. When he neared Zayn he smiled knowingly at him and handed him the glass and dumped two little pills into his hand. Zayn smiled gratefully up at Liam and swallowed the pills, downing the glass in nearly one gulp and setting it down on the night stand. Liam crawled back into bed behind Zayn, close enough that he could still trace random shapes into Zayn's lower back. Zayn had to admit, he was a little afraid of looking at Liam, for fear of Liam wanting to talk about last night and him not being able to remember it. Would Liam be mad?

"You were pretty drunk last night." Liam stated, his finger tracing up his spine. Zayn hummed in response, still waiting for his head to calm the fuck down. "I'm guessing you're pretty hungover today as well?" Liam inquired, his voice still a bit thick with sleep.

"Yeah... I think. I've never really had one before." Zayn admitted.

"That doesn't surprise me." Liam teased, his finger coming to a halt near his waist and was replaced by Liam's full hand spreading across his side and pulling slightly to get Zayn to lay down with him. Zayn hesitated for a moment but Liam was probably used to that by now. When Zayn laid down, he laid down facing Liam so he could hopefully ask him about last night. He wasn't sure how to ask that but he knew he needed to know. That was not something he could just go on not knowing for sure. "Does your head hurt?" Liam asked, moving his hand up to run his finger through Zayn's now un-styled hair.

"Yeah." Zayn answered quietly, still trying to find the courage to ask.

"How's your stomach?" Liam asked, his gaze soft and concerned for Zayn.

"Better now." Zayn admitted. "Never letting Louis do that again." He added on as an afterthought. Liam cracked a smile at this, his hand resting on Zayn's face, his thumbing gently stroking over his cheek.

"I was quite shocked to hear you were drunk, even more so to see it." Liam chuckled fondly, lifting his head long enough to place a kiss on the tip of Zayn's nose. Zayn felt his nose scrunch up like it usually did when Liam kissed him like that, he was unable to stop it but apparently Liam found it adorable.

"I didn't- I didn't do anything... embarrassing, did I?" Zayn asked, hoping that question would include anything sexual that had transpired so he wouldn't have to specify. Liam smirked at him and suddenly his stomach didn't feel so good again.

"Embarrassing?" Liam questioned, seeming to think on this. "Well... I wasn't there for the party so you'll have to ask Louis about that one, but I did pick you up, in case you couldn't piece that together." Liam said, his tone teasing.

"Yeah, I got that much. I remember getting into your car." Zayn mumbled, leaving out the fact that he really only remember kissing Liam in his SUV. "But... did anything happen after that?"

"Yeah, quite a lot happened actually... You're a very hands-y drunk, you know that?" Liam said, smirking at Zayn. Zayn let out a groan and pushed his face into the pillow, willing it just to suffocate him already. He heard Liam chuckle and then felt Liam's fingers slipping under his chin in order to pull his face from the pillow. "You couldn't quite keep your hands off me, had to keep fighting you off till the boys got out." Liam explained, making Zayn's face turn hot. Great, the boys would no-doubt take the piss about this until they were sixty years old.

"Oh God." Zayn groaned, fighting Liam's hold on him and hiding his face again, only this time in Liam's chest.

"It's okay... Couldn't quite keep my hands off you either, and I was completely sober." Liam admitted. This really didn't do much to make Zayn feel better. Liam was only providing proof to Zayn's suspicions but also not really answering the one thing he wanted to know.

"Did we... I mean, Did we... You know..." Zayn asked, having a flashback to where Louis was sitting at the end of his bed making fun of Zayn's innocence. Liam grinned at this, obviously fighting back a laugh. Zayn groaned again, this time turning away from Liam. He really needed Liam to be straight forward with him, not laugh at his inability to talk about sex.

"Oh, come on, Zayn." Liam chuckled, grabbing at his shoulder and pulling him back. "I'm sorry, you're just- You're so cute." Liam laughed fondly. Zayn couldn't help but be annoyed at that. Sometimes he just didn't want to be 'cute'. "No. We didn't." Liam finally answered.

"No?"

"No. You tried, believe me, you tired but I was the perfect gentleman and said no." Liam explained, relief washing over Zayn. He really didn't want his first time to be a drunken mistake, not that Liam was a mistake but having sex with him only because he was drunk would be.

"Really?" Zayn asked, a smile creeping over his lips. He kind of wanted to kiss Liam for being so sweet.

"Really. Was hard as fuck to do, but I did." Liam chuckled. Summoning up some courage, Zayn leaned forward to place a quick kiss on Liam's cheek, smiling at him when he pulled back.

"Thank you." Zayn said, meeting Liam's eyes. Liam smiled back and gave a quick nod, his eyes now roaming over Zayn's face as if he were thinking about something. "What's wrong?" Zayn asked curiously.

"Nothing's wrong." Liam replied, shaking his head with a soft smile. "Just thinking about how differently you acted last night." Liam said around a small chuckle. Zayn felt his face heating up again as he desperately tried to piece together the events of last night so he would know what Liam was talking about. "I'm just wondering if maybe that's how you want to act all the time, but are too afraid to." Liam explained, running his fingers through Zayn's hair again. It was kind of hard to concentrate when Liam kept touching him like this. It made him want to shut his eyes and let Liam's fingers explore his body but that brought up the fear of Liam exploring a little too far, not that Liam would push him but Zayn hated telling Liam no.

"Well, I couldn't really tell you." Zayn admitted. "I really can't remember much of last night after Nick."

"Nick? You hung out with Nick last night?" Liam asked, not angry or even sounding jealous but just curious and a little surprised. Zayn shook his head, lowering his gaze as he contemplated telling Liam about what Louis had said about Nick last night.

"Not really, he just came over to talk to me for a second." Zayn explained, sighing happily as Liam's fingers trailed down from Zayn's hair over his cheek and down his neck until they were slowly moving down over his arm. Zayn wanted to return the feeling, he wanted Liam to know he wanted to touch him back but he was too afraid to reach out and do it. "Louis said he was hitting on me... But I can't see why he would do that. He called me your boyfriend so he obviously knows I'm taken... Not that he'd actually want me." Zayn rambled on nervously, watching as Liam's expression changed from soft and curious to hard and slightly angry. Liam's hand froze on Zayn's arm, his grip turning stiff around his arm.

"He what?" Liam questioned, making Zayn panic.

"Nothing, he-he j-just wanted to g-get me a d-drink." Zayn stuttered out. He didn't know how to handle an angry Liam, Liam's only ever been soft and gentle with him and Zayn was comfortable with that Liam. But seeing Liam get even a little angry sent him into a panic and he didn't know how to handle that. "But Louis said no."

"Louis said no? What did you say?" Liam questioned again, his eyes narrowing in confusion.

"No! Of course I said no, I- I just, Louis beat me to it a-and then N- Nick asked again and I- I said no." Zayn stammered, trying to make his words come out properly but he tended to stutter when he got flustered or panicked. "Liam, I would never..."

"I know you wouldn't." Liam said, shaking his head as a small smile crept over lips. Liam let out a small chuckle as if he were laughing at himself. "No, I know you wouldn't, it's just Nick's a real- piece of work." Liam finished after a pause, seeming to re-think his words.

"Everyone keeps saying that but... I thought you guys were friends?" Zayn questioned, calming down after realizing Liam had calmed down. Liam shook his head, adding in an awkward shrug.

"Nick doesn't really have friends... He just knows a lot of people. I don't know... I don't want to talk poorly about him, but... He did try to hit on my boyfriend so..." Liam said, smirking near the end.

"I never knew you could be so jealous." Zayn teased, surprising even himself.

"Can you blame me? When I've got you as my boyfriend?" Liam asked and Zayn had to fight the urge to challenge that. Zayn didn't think he was anything to get jealous over but he knew if he voiced that, Liam would spend the next hour trying to convince him otherwise and his head still hurt so he really didn't want to listen to that. Zayn smiled at him, lowering his head slightly to hide the blush creeping over his cheeks again but Liam caught him before he could and placed his lips on Zayn's. Zayn automatically kissed him back, happy to be able to kiss Liam properly. He had been dying to do it all morning but he really didn't have the courage to initiate a kiss on the lips with him.

Zayn felt Liam's hand loosen on his arm again, his hand sliding down to tuck itself between Zayn's arm and his hip, pulling slightly so Zayn was that much closer to him. Zayn didn't fight it, he allowed himself to be held close up against Liam as Liam licked open his lips and slipped his tongue into Zayn's mouth. Again, Zayn didn't fight, he marveled in it, meeting Liam's tongue and gingerly tasting Liam. He could tell Liam was already caught up in it with the way his breathing was now coming hard and fast and honestly, Zayn wasn't far behind. He knew he should put a stop to it before Liam got too worked up and he'd be even more disappointed but Zayn didn't want to. He wanted Liam to keep kissing him, he wanted his hands to keep exploring him because it felt so good. Liam felt so good and he didn't want to stop.

Zayn mustered enough courage to slip a hand up and rest it on Liam's arm, feeling the strong muscles under it along with the soft skin. The next thing Zayn knew he was being pushed on his back as Liam swung his leg over him, straddling him but never breaking the kiss. From this new position Zayn could feel just how caught up Liam was against his thigh and he knew he really should stop this now but then Liam's lips were trailing down his neck and there was nothing he could do now. Liam's mouth sucked and nipped at areas on his neck, making Zayn bite his lips from letting out a whimper that almost escaped. Liam had a hand beside Zayn's head, propping him up and had the other at the hem of his shirt, slipping underneath it. At first Zayn didn't mind because it felt so good, everywhere Liam touched him felt so good but as Liam's hand got higher and higher, so did his shirt and that was just not okay.

"Liam." Zayn gasped out, his own hand darting forward to catch his wrist and stop his hand from going any higher. He felt Liam sag in defeat on top of him, his head dropping beside Zayn's, his heavy breath skimming over Zayn's skin on his neck.

"I'm sorry." Liam breathed out, taking another moment before pulling his hand away and placing it on the other side of Zayn's head, propping himself up even further. "Sorry." Liam repeated as he lifted his head to meet Zayn's eyes, his chest still heaving and a certain part of his body still poking at his thigh, not that Zayn could say he was any different.

"No," Zayn whispered around an exhale of breath, breaking their gaze because he felt horrible. "I'm sorry." He hated this, it really wasn't fair to Liam. Liam deserved someone who could make him feel good, someone who wasn't so uncomfortable in their own skin.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Love. I went too far." Liam admitted, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

"But- I-"

"No, Zayn, it's okay." Liam said smiling down at Zayn when he finally looked up but Zayn could still see the disappointment in there. Liam bent down to peck Zayn's lips once more before he swung his leg back over and fell beside him. He took a moment to calm himself, letting out a few breaths before propping himself up on his elbows. "Breakfast?" Liam asked, smiling widely at Zayn as if nothing had happened. Zayn really didn't deserve Liam.

~

"Niall?" Zayn asked quietly from his bed. It was a Wednesday night and Liam was working so Niall decided it would be up to him to keep Zayn company for the night. He didn't know if the guys actually thought he needed someone with him at all times or if it just seemed to work out like this, but he didn't really mind. It was nice, most of the time. Sometimes it would be nice to be left to his thoughts, though Harry was best for that. It didn't happen often, just Harry and Zayn hanging out but when it did, it was mostly Zayn doodling with Harry on his phone and Zayn could mostly pretend he was by himself. He didn't think that Harry did it on purpose, it was just that Zayn didn't talk much and although Harry did talk a lot, Zayn thought Harry might actually like the peace and quiet for a change.

"Yeah?" Niall asked from where he sat on the couch, watching a footie game, of course. Zayn was trying to study but he couldn't focus long enough for it to do any good. At this point he was just starring at the page, re-reading the same paragraph ten times and it still hadn't even sunk in as to what the paragraph was about.

"Um, can- Can I- Uh," Zayn mumbled, dropping his pen and nervously glancing at Niall. Niall had been paying more attention to the footie game going on but when he noticed Zayn struggling with his words, he turned it off and turned more towards Zayn. Zayn wanted to ask him something, but he's never really done anything like this and didn't know how to go about it. "Can I um, ask... you something?" Zayn asked awkwardly, fiddling with his thumbs in his lap. Niall looked momentarily surprised before he got up from the couch and made his way over to the bed, plopping himself down on the bed and curling his legs underneath him.

"Of course, shoot." Niall said happily, giving him an encouraging smile. Or what Zayn assumed was supposed to be an encouraging smile, and he was positive it might be to someone who wasn't Zayn.

"Um, I- Well, I just-" Zayn stuttered, trying desperately to get the words out. He was sure if Niall was Louis, Louis would complain about Zayn taking too long but Niall was patient. He just sat there with a small smile and waited until he could at least guess at what Zayn was trying to ask. "I just wanted to- To ask about, L- Liam?"

"What about Liam?" Niall asked, shifting slightly.

"And what- What Louis s-said the other d-day." Zayn said, hoping he wouldn't have to go any further than that. This would all be a lot easier if Niall was a mind-reader.

"That's not very specific mate, Louis says a lot of things." Niall teased, sending Zayn a playful smile. Zayn let out one huff of a laugh, nervously scratching at his face.

"About... Um, well... Like... S-sex?" Zayn's voice squeaked on that last word, unintentional of course but he got it out and Zayn was actually proud. Niall's eyes shot up at this before he composed himself and it was obvious he was fighting a smile but he was trying, and Zayn appreciated that.

"Ooh, what about it?" Niall asked because 'sex' was a wide topic and Zayn could be asking anything. But Zayn blanked, he couldn't form the words and he began to panic. "Calm down," Niall coached, obviously seeing that Zayn was beginning to panic. "It's okay, um, like... Do you want to know how to? Or... What? Sorry mate, I can only guess so much." Niall apologized for not being the mind read Zayn wished he was.

"Do you- Do you think Liam... minds?" Zayn asked, starring into his lap and he was pretty sure he was mumbling but Niall seemed to be used to that.

"Minds... Not having it?" Niall guessed and really, this conversion was taking far too long. Zayn nodded slightly, still not looking up at Niall because his face was probably redder than a clown's nose at this point. "Nah, I don't think he minds. He's not like that." Niall said immediately.

"Has he- Has he talked to you... about it?" Zayn asked, trying to play nonchalance but he thinks that shipped has sailed long ago.

"No, not really. Haven't really asked though." Niall replied. Zayn sighed, frowning into his lap. "Look, Zayner, Liam knows you're very... reserved. I truly don't think he has a problem with it."

"I just feel bad." Zayn said, without stuttering he may add.

"Feel bad? There's nothing to feel bad about. You're not ready and that's that." Niall said, sounding a bit defensive. "Honestly, I love the bloke but if he does push you and you're not ready... Than you dump his ass like yesterday's tuna sandwich. Don't do anything until you're ready."

"That's the thing though." Zayn sighed, not entirely meaning to but it sort of just slipped out.

"What's the thing?

"I am ready." Zayn said. He didn't know what had changed between the beginning of this conversation and now, but he felt a little more comfortable opening up to Niall. He didn't make fun of Zayn's insecurities or inexperience, he didn't say Zayn was boring or anything so he figured Niall might be okay to talk to.

"You're ready but don't want to have sex? Doesn't sound ready to me." Niall thought out loud, making Zayn sigh.

"I... Want to... but- like, I just-" Zayn said, getting a bit nervous again.

"You just what?"

"I'm scared." Zayn got out, now picking at the fabric of his trousers.

"Scared of what, Zayner?" Niall encouraged softly.

"What if... What if I'm not- not... good enough?" And now Niall did let out a small chuckle. Zayn's face flushed and he went to flee the scene because he couldn't sit here and have Niall, of all people, laughing at him. But Niall grabbed his wrist, pulling him back and forcibly cutting of his laughter.

"No, I'm sorry, I am. I just- Zayn, Liam knows you've never done it before. He's not going to expect you to be an expert." Niall explained but Zayn shook his head.

"That's not what I meant." Zayn grumbled, making Niall's eyebrow furrow in confusion.

"What did you mean?" Niall asked, letting go out Zayn's wrist.

"What if I- What if I don't... look- look good enough?" Zayn asked a little helplessly. Niall's face softened, the laugh he was trying to squelch completely disappearing and being replaced by a soft, sad look.

"Oh, Zayner..." Niall mumbled, his eyes now roaming over Zayn's body. "Zayn, I'm not into blokes but even I can tell you're fit, trust me. And even if you weren't, I'm pretty sure Liam would still like you. He didn't fall for your looks, buddy." Niall said. Zayn wondered what he could have fallen for then because he highly doubted it was his sense of humour or personality. "Sometimes you just have to put it all out there, excuse my horrible pun, and see what happens. Yeah, not everyone is going to like it, and I'm not just talking about your body, just in general. You can't please everyone Zayn, but you can't worry about the people you can't please. You'll waste your whole life trying to make other people happy, people that you just can't make happy sometimes, and in the meantime... Your life is passing you by and the next thing you know, you're sitting in your basement alone... Unhappy." Niall explained softly.

"Just worry about you and what you want. If you want to show Liam your body, you show Liam your body. If he doesn't like it, he can royally fuck off because there will be somebody out there that does, and that's the person you need to worry about. Someone who's going to like you for you... And I honestly think that person could be Liam. But you're never going to know unless you take a risk, Zayner." Niall went on, really making Zayn think. He knows he's not supposed to worry so much about what other people think but he really likes Liam and he really wants Liam to be that person Niall is talking about. He doesn't know what he'll do if he's not. "And no matter what happens, whether it's Liam who laughs in your face, or some other bloke, I will always be there to... punch them in the nose to shut them up." Niall said, grinning at Zayn. "I will never laugh at you, Zayn. I may laugh with you, and yeah okay... I might laugh at you if you do something stupid but... I would never laugh at you to hurt you." Zayn smiled at this, thinking it over and nearly crying at Niall's words because he's suddenly realized who Niall is to him. Niall is his best mate. He didn't know if he was Niall's, but he knew Niall was his and that he could count on him.

"Thanks, Niall." Zayn said, smiling at the blonde. Niall beamed back at Zayn, reaching out to nudge Zayn slightly.

"Now, take your shirt off." Niall said, catching Zayn off guard, his eyes widening comically as he basically recoiled from Niall. Niall threw his head back in laughter, falling back onto the bed and holding his stomach.

"Oh my god, your face!" Niall cackled.

"So much for not laughing at me." Zayn pouted in what he hoped was a teasing way because he knew Niall was only teasing now.

"I'm not laughing at you. I'm laugh with you." Niall said, sitting up and grinning at Zayn.

"I'm not laughing." Zayn grumbled, glaring playfully at Niall who just grinned back and reached over to nudge Zayn, a silent message that told Zayn that Niall appreciated this. He appreciated Zayn coming to him with a problem and Zayn thought that was a bit odd. Shouldn't Zayn to be one who appreciates Niall listening to his problem?

~

"So, Harry wants to go see that new movie, uh... The one with... the guy and the girl, uh... I don't know what it's called." Liam said as he flipped a chair upside down on top of the table because they were closing up the shop together. It had been a fairly busy night and they hadn't been able to talk a whole lot or even get some pre-closing clean up done so they were stuck doing clean up even though they were off ten minutes ago. Zayn didn't mind, not if he was here with Liam. It gave them more time together so he really couldn't complain. Zayn ignored the fact that 'that movie with the guy and the girl' didn't really narrow it down and just nodded his head, wiping down the counter and tossing a dirty coffee cup in the bin to be washed. "Do you want to go?" Liam asked, looking over at Zayn through the frame of a chair.

"Sure." Zayn answered simply. Zayn didn't care if he didn't know what movie he just agreed to go to, he enjoyed movies and wasn't really picky to begin with. He really didn't have a choice to be picky or not because even if he was, he wouldn't really be brave enough to voice it.

"We don't have to, you know." Liam said, using his black uniform to wipe at his face, lifting it and revealing his stomach that had Zayn's attention distracted for a moment. He doesn't know if he'd ever get used to Liam's abs, probably not because they were pretty spectacular. "You can say no."

"No, I want to go. I like Harry." Zayn said, hoping that would be enough to convince Liam that he did want to go.

"I know you like Harry," Liam smiled, amused. "But if you don't want to go to the movie, I'm sure he'll have no problem finding a date." Liam teased, moving onto the next table.

"Liam, I want to go." Zayn insisted, giving him a curious look because he was being rather persistent about not going. Maybe he didn't want to go and wanted to use Zayn as an excuse? "Unless... You don't want to go?" Zayn asked cautiously. He didn't want to imply that Liam didn't want to hang out with his friend but he didn't want Liam to think he wasn't paying attention to him. Liam snorted at this though and shook his head.

"No, I'll go. I just- I just wanted to make sure you wanted to go, not just... too afraid to say no." Liam said a bit awkwardly, surprising Zayn. What did he mean by that? Zayn stopped what he was doing, standing up straight and looking at Liam now with a confused expression. Liam stopped what he was doing as well, looking a bit uncertain. "Zayn, I just... I'm never sure if you really want to be hanging with the guys or if you're okay with where we go for dinner... Like, you always say 'sure' but I can tell that sometimes you really don't want to, but you never tell me."

"Um," Zayn mumbled, not really knowing what to say to that.

"I just need you to be honest with me. Don't be afraid to tell me something, anything, no matter what it is." Liam said and Zayn could feel that this was about a lot more than just wanting to go see a movie or not. Zayn felt bad because he could tell this was about Zayn not opening up to Liam as much as Liam did to Zayn. Zayn just didn't know how to open up to him, he didn't know what he could tell him, what he would want to know because Zayn's life was pretty boring. He didn't do a lot. The only interesting thing about Zayn's life was Liam and the guys, but Liam already knew about all that.

"Um, I- I want to go to the movie." Zayn said. He really didn't know what else to say, or what else he could say. Liam nodded at this, chewing on the inside of his lips in thought.

"Okay... Alright." Liam said, nodding his head again as he went back to cleaning tables and putting the chairs up. Zayn took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and watching as Liam worked in silence. He thought about saying something, maybe about how he wasn't picky on movie genres because that wasn't something that Liam knew about him but that seemed pretty stupid to tell Liam. Why would he want to know that? It wasn't really important, was it? Instead he just turned around and picked up the bin of dirty dishes, taking them to the back to wash them.

~

"My fucking god, could that movie have been any longer?" Louis said as they exited the cinema, the cool night air surrounding them in a whoosh as Harry shoved the door open. Liam reached out for Zayn's hand, entwining their fingers with a small smile as they walked through the parking lot over to Liam's SUV.

"I thought it was good." Harry said with a small pout on his lips. Zayn smiled at him, trying to let him know he agreed but he didn't get to say anything before Louis was speaking up.

"Of course you would, you love all that guy finally gets the girl after some kind of dramatic twist and they live happily ever after bullshit." Louis said, sending him a slightly annoyed glare. "It was predictable and cliché and really didn't deserve to be two hours long." Louis said as they approached Liam's SUV. Louis pulled on the handle to the door, finding it locked and looking to Liam to unlock. Liam apparently forgot that he locked it and let go of Zayn's hand, patting himself down in search of his keys. Louis of course found this to be an inconvenience and sighed, pulling on the door handle repeatedly as if this would hurry Liam up.

"It was cute!" Harry defended, shoving his hands in his pockets. Liam finally found his keys and unlocked the door, Louis jumping in immediately.

"It was boring." Louis retorted as Harry climbed in the back. Zayn had made his way around to climb into the passenger seat and smiled to himself because their bickering could be amusing.

"What'd you think, Zayn?" Liam asked as he started the vehicle.

"It was good." Zayn answered with a smile.

"Yeah? What was your favourite part?" Liam asked curiously.

"Probably the part you tried to pull him into a snog." Louis grumbled, making Zayn blush because Liam had tried to do that but Zayn pushed him away, telling him they couldn't do that public. Liam grinned at Louis' words, not ashamed at all.

"Um, I liked it all?" Zayn answered. He really didn't think what part he liked the most was important and he was a little too embarrassed to admit that he liked it when the guy finally did get the girl, too afraid of what Louis might have to say about that. Liam's smile fell slightly and he nodded, pulling out of the parking space.

"Shall we call Mr. Horan and have him meet us for drinks?" Louis asked from the back seat. No one answered right away, Harry preoccupied with his phone, Liam apparently upset about something and Zayn was, well, Zayn. "Hello? Anyone wanna answer me?"

"Drinks sound good." Zayn finally said, with an awkward smile over his shoulder.

"Thank you, sheesh." Louis mumbled, falling back into the seat and pulling out his phone, probably to call Niall. Zayn gave a short nod, turning back into his seat feeling a bit awkward. Liam was upset, he could tell, and Zayn thought he might be upset with him and that was a new concept. Liam's never been upset with him before, not like this. He wouldn't look at him while he was driving which was odd because Liam would always looked at Zayn when they drove anywhere. Not full on staring or anything because he obviously had to to watch the road but little glances accompanied with small smiles, letting Zayn know he was wanted here. He didn't feel too wanted at the moment and that didn't change when they got to the pub either.

Niall was already there, of course. They could hear him when they stepped inside, his laugh ringing loud over the chatter of the crowd inside. It didn't take long to spot his blonde head over by the bar, chatting up two girls who Zayn thought he might actually have a chance with one by the way she kept touching his arm and flipping her hair over her shoulder. The four of them bee-lined over to him, Harry, Louis and Liam stopping every couple of people to say hello because between the three of them, they knew practically everyone in here. Zayn followed quietly behind Liam, keeping his head down and mouth shut because he didn't know anyone and he could feel a sort of anxiety bubbling up inside of him. He just hoped Liam didn't leave him alone in here.

When they reached Niall, he grinned at them, throwing his hands in the air in excitement and reaching over the girls to bump fist and exchange the typical 'bro' handshake over their heads. Zayn didn't lift his hands, but he did flash Niall a smile that the blonde returned. After that the group kind of dispersed, Louis going for the bar and Harry going to find a girl to chat up as well, Zayn was sure. Niall stayed with his companions while Liam lead Zayn over to the end of the bar, Zayn taking a seat on a bar stool. Liam smiled at Zayn, though it looked a little forced because he was obviously still upset about something. Zayn wanted to ask what was wrong, if it was something Zayn had done or if there was anything he could do to make it better but he wasn't sure if he was allowed to do that. Liam's thoughts were his and they were none of Zayn's business, really. If Liam wanted to tell him, he would.

So Zayn smiled back, then turned to look around the pub. It was fairly crowded tonight, most of the crowd being people from their school because the pub was located a couple blocks from the University. He recognized a couple of girls at a table not too far away from one of his classes. They were nice enough and smiled at Zayn once in a while but never said much to him. There was a group of guys standing near the back of the pub, eyes surveying the room as if looking for their next target. There was one bloke who sat alone at a table on the side and he looked vaguely familiar but Zayn couldn't place where he had seen him before, probably somewhere in the halls at school at some point. He was looking over here, probably at Liam because why would he be looking at Zayn, but then his eyes did lock on Zayn's so Zayn turned away, back to Liam.

"What do you want to drink?" Liam asked, digging into his pocket for his wallet. Zayn kind of wanted to try one of those drinks Louis has made him that night at the party, just something to ease him a bit but he knew Liam was going to pay and he knew those drinks cost more money and he wasn't sure if that's what Liam meant.

"Whatever is fine." Zayn answered with a smile but it slowly slipped from his lips when Liam looked at him, looking a little annoyed.

"Well, what do you like?" Liam asked a bit sharply. Zayn didn't know what he had done to get Liam so upset, he wasn't even sure if it was him Liam was upset with or if he was just taking it out on Zayn by mistake. Either way Zayn just ducked his head and mumbled out a quick reply.

"Water." He said, picking at the skin around his nails. He heard the pause before Liam was ordering a water and a beer for himself. With such a simple order, it was immediately placed in front of them. They stood there for a moment in silence, Zayn wondering what was wrong because Liam wasn't even holding his hand and normally he would just so Zayn wouldn't freak out so much, he knew how Zayn could get in social situations.

"I'm going to go to the toilet." Liam told him, giving him a quick smile and backing away before Zayn could even nod. Zayn watched him leave, he watched him maneuver his way through the crowd but he didn't go to the toilet. Instead he found Louis talking to a pretty red head, tapped him on the shoulder and nodded toward the toilet. Louis gave him a confused look but nodded, turning back to the red head and giving her a winning smile before excusing himself and following Liam into the toilet. Zayn frowned at that. Why did he need Louis to go to the toilet with him? Zayn didn't get to think on it long though because he was being tapped on the shoulder. Zayn turned around to meet a pair of brown eyes that weren't nearly as captivating as Liam's. It was the guy that was sitting by himself on the side.

"Whoa, hey, no... You're not him." The man said, laughing nervously. Zayn gave a nervous smile, raising his eyebrows at the man. The man looked a little embarrassed, his skin flushed pink right up to the roots of his blonde hair. "I'm sorry. I thought you were- Well, I'm supposed to be meeting this guy I met, uh, online." The man explained, laughing nervously again. He looked quite flustered and Zayn wanted to assure him that it was okay, but the guy kept rambling. "And you kind of look like him so I was hoping you were him because he's uh, well he's a couple hours late and he's probably not coming, actually. He's probably stood me up so I should just go home, but I'm kind of hoping he's going to show anyway and you can shut me up any time. I tend to babble when I'm nervous."

"It's okay." Zayn finally spoke, successfully stopping his babbling. Zayn flashed him a sympathetic smile because he could tell the man was pretty torn up about being stood up and he felt sorry for him.

"I'm pretty pathetic, aren't I?" The man said, frowning down at the floor. Zayn shook his head, not knowing what else to do because what was the proper etiquette for comforting a random bloke who has been stood up? "I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear this, I'll just- I'll just go." Zayn thought he should say something, something comforting but that really wasn't something he could do, so he was going to let him leave but then he was turning to Zayn again. "Unless you're here by yourself as well? I'm Carl." The man said, sticking his hand out to Zayn. Zayn wanted to tell him he was not here by himself but the man looked so helpless, he couldn't tell him to leave. He could sit here and let the man ramble until Liam got back, right?

"Zayn." Zayn said, offering his hand.

"Zayn, that's a unique name. Very beautiful." Carl smiled, shaking his hand before dropping it and Zayn tried not to let the blush go to his face. He didn't do compliments well, no matter who they were from. "Nice to meet you, Zayn. And thanks for not laughing at me." Carl chuckled nervously as Zayn shrugged. It's the most he could manage at the moment. "I feel like an idiot." Carl said after a moment, sitting on the barstool next to Zayn, holding up his finger to the bar tender. "This guy was so fit, of course he wouldn't actually want to meet up with me." Carl said a little pathetically. Zayn wanted to tell him that he shouldn't worry too much about a jerk who stood him up, that Carl was pretty good looking as well, but he wasn't sure what the boundaries were here, so he stayed quiet. "Still... Who does that? He could have just said no, right? Or sent me a text saying he couldn't make it because his sick grandma went to the hospital or something. At least make an effort, you know?" Carl asked, turning to Zayn on his barstool so their knees were touching but Carl didn't seem to notice. Zayn nodded anyway, eyeing their knees and wondering if it would be rude to turn away.

"People like that bug me." Carl went on. Zayn glanced over his shoulder to see if Liam was on his way back. Maybe he'd be able to give Carl some advice, but Zayn didn't see him in the crowd. "Like, grow some balls and man the fuck up, right?" Carl asked, meeting Zayn's eyes. Zayn nodded again, really hoping Liam would come back soon. "See? You'd never do something like that. You seem sweet." Carl smiled at Zayn sweetly, and Zayn tried to return it because that was a compliment, right? But it was difficult to return it because something felt off to Zayn. Carl's smile was maybe a little too sweet and he had turned a little more so their knees not only touched but were actually pressed together, one of Carl's slipping between Zayn's by a couple of inches.

"Oh, you've got..." Carl mumbled, reaching out and running his fingers through the hair above Zayn's ear. "Something in your hair." Carl smiled, doing it again and then brushing the skin on Zayn's neck. Zayn tensed up at this. He didn't like this, he really didn't like this. He didn't know this man, he shouldn't be touching him. Zayn was about to pull away but then a hand was sliding across his back and Zayn nearly jumped out of his seat until he realized it was Liam at his side.

"Hey, babe." Liam smiled and leaned down to press his lips against Zayn's in a sloppy kiss that lasted much too long for a simple greeting. Carl's hand was no longer anywhere near Zayn and neither were his knees. Liam pulled away and smiled down at Zayn but Zayn could see an edge to that smile, sharp and hard and turning on Carl. "Tony." Liam greeted Carl, making Zayn furrow his brow in confusion.

"Tony?" Zayn questioned. Carl or Tony, or whoever this man was, smiled sheepishly and stood, lifting his hand in defense.

"Can't blame a guy for trying, can you?" The blonde asked, grinning at the two of them.

"Yes, I can, actually." Liam said, a cold tone to his voice, his grip on Zayn's waist tightening.

"Maybe you shouldn't leave your man with a frown on his face so maybe others wouldn't feel the need to wipe it off for you." The blonde said and then he was turning away and leaving them behind. Zayn could feel Liam's tense posture beside him so he stayed quiet, not wanting to upset Liam more. What Carl, err, Tony had said was hanging in the air between them because they both knew Liam had left rather abruptly but Zayn hoped Liam knew that that didn't matter, he still wouldn't have let 'Carl' do anything.

"I really don't like him." Liam mumbled, sighing and taking a seat where 'Carl' had been. This time Zayn didn't mind the knee touching.

"Who was he? He said his name was Carl." Zayn asked, Liam snorted.

"I'm sure he said a lot of things." Was all Liam replied with and then Liam was taking his hand in both of his, holding it there and running his thumb over Zayn's knuckles. "I'm sorry I was acting weird before. Tony was right, I shouldn't have left like that." Liam said, looking up from their hands to Zayn's eyes. Zayn shook his head because he didn't want Liam to feel bad about anything, even if it was a little upsetting. "I just- Do you know I don't even know your favourite drink?" Liam asked, his eyes darting around Zayn's face. "Zayn, we've been dating for months and all you ever get is water and that really can't be it. And it's not just that, I don't really know anything about you. I just feel like maybe you don't want this as much as I do." Liam said quietly, looking down at their hands where Liam's fingers had stilled.

Zayn's mind kind of went into over drive with this. Didn't want this as much as Liam? Was he mad? He was pretty sure Zayn wanted this more than Liam. Zayn's been crushing so hard on Liam for the majority of his lfe, and that was before he even knew the bloke. Now Zayn knew him, he knew everything there was to know like how he really struggled with school, but was too embarrassed to admit it. He knew Liam's favourite colour was purple and he was a total Batman fanboy. He knew he had two sisters he cared for deeply, a mother he would do anything for, a father who kind of scared him but still loved. He knew the only reason he started working out so much was because he used to get picked on about his size and then it just became a habit to go to the gym. He knew all these things, and more, about Liam and they only made his 'crush' stronger, so strong Zayn was positive you couldn't call it a crush anymore. Love was a better word for what he felt and Liam was sitting here saying Zayn didn't want to be with him?

Zayn was floundering, sputtering out sounds to try and tell Liam he was wrong, he was so wrong, but nothing would come out. Liam was looking at Zayn with a worried expression, not worry for Zayn but worry for himself because Zayn could see he thought he was right. Liam thought that Zayn's floundering was him trying to make up an excuse when really, it was Zayn not having the words to explain how much he wanted Liam. Zayn wanted Liam, he wanted him so much, he just didn't know how to show him. He didn't know how people did this. How do you lay your heart out on the wire even though it could be cut at any moment because surely Liam didn't feel the same way about Zayn. Zayn was positive what Liam felt didn't come even remotely close to what Zayn felt, why would it?

There was nothing special to love about Zayn, he knew that and was okay with that. He knew that this thing with Liam was temporary because Liam couldn't love Zayn in that way to last but he thought he was okay with that. He thought he was happy to have Liam for this moment in time and that would be enough. He never expected his feeling's to grow this much. He never expected to actually feel the need to prove to Liam that he was good enough for him, even if he wasn't. Liam deserved someone better than him, someone who could hand himself over completely to Liam because Zayn knew it wasn't fair to Liam that Zayn held these facts about himself back. He just knew they wouldn't be interesting enough for Liam because Zayn wasn't an interesting person.

Zayn knew all of this but Zayn was selfish. He wanted Liam, he needed Liam and if he had a chance at having him, he had to try. He just wished his brain would work so he could tell Liam he was wrong, so he could tell Liam just how much he did want this. But Zayn was afraid. He was afraid if Liam found out how deeply Zayn felt, Liam would cut the wire and laugh at him for thinking he even had a shot.

"Zayn, I just need to know that you're-" Liam was saying, saving Zayn from his floundering, but then Niall was leaning on Zayn, his lady friend on his arm.

"Zayner, Payno, we are leaving. And by 'we' I mean all of us, get up." Niall instructed in a rush, pulling Zayn off the barstool.

"Ni, it's not a good time." Liam began but Niall wasn't letting up.

"Actually, it's a great time because I'm about to get my ass handed to me on a silver platter by her ex-boyfriend, so I really need to get out of here." Niall explained, now grabbing Liam by the arm and hauling him to his feet. Zayn heard Liam grumble something about how this was his problem but he went anyway, leading Zayn along behind him with his hand, his unfinished sentence hanging between them.

~

"There he is!" Louis shouted as he walked in through the door of the coffee shop, arms outstretched in front of him, pointing towards Zayn. Everyone turned to Louis at his outburst, then towards Zayn because that's who Louis was talking about apparently. Zayn wanted to duck down behind the counter, he couldn't handle all this attention on him, but he didn't get the chance before Louis was approaching the counter, motioning Zayn over. Zayn sighed and tossed his cloth on the counter.

"I'm at work, Louis." Zayn warned. He really didn't want Louis getting him fired because then he'd have to find another job and get comfortable with that one and that was a frightening idea.

"Then I'll make it quick." Louis assured, leaning on the counter. "You know, the whole mysterious thing works for a lot of guys... but that mysterious thing is only for getting the guy, not keeping him." Louis said. Zayn waited for him to continue because he thought that surely there was more to what Louis was saying but Louis remained silent, looking at him expectantly.

"What?" Zayn asked, leaning on the counter because he was kind of exhausted. He had been up all night with Liam's words playing through his mind, trying to figure out what to do about that.

"All I'm saying is, if you want to keep Liam in your life, maybe tell him a thing or two about yourself because no one likes to be the only person trying in a relationship. And if you don't want Liam in your life then stop fucking around with my best mate's feelings." Louis said in the most serious tone Zayn has ever heard him speak in. "I like you, Zayn, I do. I don't know why, you're too quiet don't like to get in any sort of trouble but you're fun to bug and I can tell you've got all kinds of witty remarks in that head of yours that I will get out of you one day, and even if you and Li don't work out, I'd still like to hang out with you. But I think you guys really could work out, if you want to, but you can't expect the guy to want to date someone who appears to give less than two fucks half the time and won't open up to him." Louis explained, making Zayn duck his head. Is that what it looked like? Like Zayn didn't care?

"Louis, it's not that-" Zayn went to explain but Louis held up his finger.

"Ah, ah, ah. I don't care, you're not my boyfriend. And you think I don't know what this is about? I know what it's about. You're shy, insecure, blah, blah, blah, I get that and I've tried telling Liam this, but hearing it from me is not going to work, okay? You two need to talk this shit out so I can stop getting phone calls at three in the morning, got it?" Louis asked, giving Zayn a pointed look. Zayn wanted to nod his head in agreement, he knew it should be that simple, but it wasn't.

"I- I don't-" Zayn tried but Louis' eyes were narrowing at him so he had to look away. "I don't know how." Zayn finally said, sounding defeated.

"How to what?" Louis asked around a sigh.

"How to- to tell... him." Zayn said awkwardly.

"Tell him what, Zayn?" Louis asked, obviously trying to be very patient.

"Everything." Zayn said helplessly. "My life... it's not interesting." Zayn said, glancing up at Louis briefly but not able to keep his head up for long. Louis had that same look on his face that he had the night of the party when Zayn told him he didn't belong, only this time it didn't disappear as soon as Zayn saw it. It stayed and Zayn could see the sympathy behind it, the guilt and concern there in his eyes though Zayn didn't know why he felt like that.

"Zayn, you need to learn something." Louis said, blinking away that look and replacing it with an all-knowing one. "Liam, the guy that has been snogging you senseless for the past... however long, likes you. He likes you, Zayn. Which means, for whatever unknown reason, he thinks your interesting. It means he wants to get to know you, he wants to know all that stuff you don't think is interesting. So just tell him or... You might lose him." Louis said with a small shrug. "Liam will only go so long thinking that you don't care enough to let him in before he gets fed up with it, so you better do something and fast because... I think he might be getting fed up with it." Louis finished, pushing himself off the counter and with one final look he was walking away, leaving Zayn there in a panicked silence. Liam was getting fed up with him?

~

Zayn had to do something. He had to do something and he had to do it fast, just like Louis said. He just didn't know what. Zayn thought about writing it all down, writing down his favourite colour and food, the names of his old pets, and what video games he likes to play but thought that although he was sure Liam would just be happy to know, that that was kind of cowardly. Zayn was tired of being 'shy', if that's what it was even called because it sometimes felt like a hell of a lot more than being 'shy'. He was tired of not being able to say the things he wanted, of having to find some other way to express himself because it never worked. He was tired of his fears getting in the way of his life and messing things up for him.

It's messed up opportunities he's never going to get again, like that art show two years that his teacher wanted him to enter that would have won him a scholarship to Goldsmiths University of London, or that time he was asked to be an extra on a television show that would have given him a nice chunk of change and a cool story, but of course he couldn't do these things because the thought of people looking at and judging his art was frightening and the thought of having a camera on him was just downright terrifying. And now his 'shyness' was getting in the way of the first and only relationship he's ever had, the only relationship he really wants, and he just couldn't allow that. He was done hiding behind little gimmicks like texting or writing out a list of his interests. If he couldn't tell Liam, he didn't deserve Liam.

He just didn't know how he was going to tell Liam.

~

"Louis?" Zayn asked quietly one day after classes. Liam had dashed off with a quick kiss to Zayn's cheek because he had to get to work, not that Liam's been really there recently anyway. He's been distant and always saying he had homework or something to do and it's been killing Zayn. He knew it was lies and he knew that his patience was wearing thin.

"Yes?" Louis asked, dragging out the word longer than necessary. He was packing up his books, Harry hanging behind him, eyes glued to his phone. Zayn swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut and taking a deep breath. "Are you about to pass out or something?" Louis asked, his eyebrow quirked when Zayn opened his eyes again.

"No, I just- I wanted to ask you something." Zayn said, trying to stall somewhat.

"Okay... ask away." Louis said, implying he knew this already and the question should have already been asked.

"I- Well, I was wondering if, like, if you knew a way for me to... If you had an idea that I could- Like, a way to..." Zayn said, not really knowing how to word what he was asking.

"Oh, god, spit it out man." Louis said exasperated.

"Chill, Lou." Harry piped in, glancing up from his phone. "Give the guy a break."

"I wanted to know if you have an idea that I could use to show Liam how much I love him." Zayn spat out in a rush of words that even he would have a hard time understanding, so he was mildly surprised when both boys blinked at him in shock as if they had heard him and couldn't exactly believe what they heard. There was a silence, minus the thumps of footsteps in the halls, that hung in the air between them as they both processed this. Zayn couldn't really believe what he had just said, he hadn't meant to say it like that, but now that he did, he couldn't take it back.

"You love him?" Louis asked in a whisper. Zayn felt the heat rush to his cheeks and he ducked his head. Why did he say that?

"Aww, Lou! Help the poor guy!" Harry said, squishing his phone between his palms in front of his chest with a big smile on his face directed at Zayn. Zayn's face couldn't possibly get any hotter.

"What am I? The king of Romance?" Louis asked, turning to Harry.

"You? No, definitely not." Harry said automatically. Louis didn't argue this. "But you know Liam the best, you know what he likes."

"I really don't think it'll be that hard to impress him, actually. I'm pretty sure he'd be happy with knowing you're favourite food." Louis said, giving Zayn a pointed look.

"I know," Zayn sighed. "I'm trying okay? I want to show him. I want to show him how special he is to me, and I want to tell him all of that." Zayn said, surprising himself. A few months ago, he would not have been able to say that out loud or anything even remotely close to it. Harry actually giggled behind them, clapping his hands together.

"And people think I'm the gay one." Louis mumbled, earning a smack to the head from Harry.

"You are the gay one." Harry replied.

"Actually... He's the gay one." Louis said, pointing at Zayn who gave him a desperate look. Louis sighed and thought for a moment, shrugging before replying. "Why don't you just take him to dinner? Somewhere nice with low lighting and flowers and all that classic romantic crap? Liam loves that shit."

"Just dinner?" Zayn asked, that seemed a little lazy.

"Trust me, he'll be happy you're trying. All he wants is to know you want this too. You can show him this by planning a night for you guys instead of him always planning it, understand?" Louis explained. Zayn nodded, chewing on his lip while he thought for a moment.

"Do you know anywhere nice?" Zayn finally asked, watching as Louis grinned and nodded his head.

"I'll make the reservations for you."

~

Zayn
I'm picking you up at seven

Plz be ready? Wear something nice :)

Liam
Okk...

Where arrre we going?

Zayn
You'll see :)

Liam
Louis did yoou stealll Zayn's phoonnne?

Zayn
No, it's Zayn!

Why would Louis steal my phone?

Liam
I don't no ur just bein odd

Zayn
We don't have to go if you don't want to...

Liam
No no letss gooo

7?

Zayn
Yupp, see you then.

Liam
Wait ur picking me up?

In what???

Zayn
You'll see at 7. Bye Liam x

Liam
Im not surre how 2 react to thiss Zayn...

Bye :) xx

~

Zayn pulled up in front of Liam's house in Louis' little blue car that he had let him borrow for the evening. Louis figured it'd be a nice touch to the evening if Liam didn't have to drive. Zayn told him he could have asked to borrow his mother's minivan but Louis had only scoffed at the idea and said something about minivan's being a major boner killer. Zayn failed to point out that that wasn't the point of this evening and accepted Louis' keys with a grateful smile. He swears Louis' put more effort into tonight than he was letting on, even telling Zayn to pick up flowers for Liam and grumbling when Zayn refused. Zayn had put his own thought into the evening, at least the second part of the evening because Zayn was apparently hopeless when it came to planning a date night but he had what he thought was a very clever idea for after dinner. He just hoped he'd be able to go through with it and won't chicken out.

Zayn stumbled out of the car, his arm getting tangled in the seatbelt somehow before he could close the door. He was a little nervous for tonight and things tended to go wrong when he was nervous. He knew this was Liam, his boyfriend, and had every right to take him out on a date but this was new to him. He's never asked Liam out before. He'd never treated him to a nice dinner or even ice cream and that's when it hit him at what a shit boyfriend he had been being. Of course Liam thought that he didn't care, why would he think that Zayn cared when Zayn didn't do anything to show that he did? He's left all the work up to Liam this whole time and expected that Liam would just understand. But of course he couldn't because Zayn wouldn't open up about that either.

It doesn't even really matter if Liam would understand or not. Zayn should get over his stupid fears and just show Liam how special he is. He should be treating Liam like the amazing guy he is despite his fear of being rejected or not being good enough. Sure, Liam probably enjoyed treating Zayn but everyone liked to be treated as well and it was really shit of Zayn to just ignore that side of Liam. Zayn wouldn't have blamed him if he did break up with him.

When Zayn made it to the door, he knocked quietly at first but willed his hand to pound a little harder so someone could hear him. Thankfully it was Liam who answered the door, Zayn wasn't so sure he'd be able to face Liam's mother tonight. He thought he was pushing himself out of his comfort zone enough for one night, thank you very much. When Liam did answer the door, Zayn was taken aback by how good Liam looked. When Zayn had told him to wear something nice, he wasn't expecting Liam to actually wear something nice. Liam was in black pants that looked to be a second skin, a white shirt underneath a black blazer with the cuffs rolled up and his hair styled up into a small quiff. He looked absolutely stunning and Zayn kind of forgot why he was here.

"Hello." Liam smiled, his eyes raking up and down Zayn's body but Zayn couldn't even find the brain capacity to blush at this because he's pretty sure his brain just short circuited. Zayn couldn't even tear his eyes away long enough to mutter out a hello. "Zayn? You okay?" Liam asked after a moment and Zayn was finally able to look him in the eye.

"You look..." Zayn said around a breath, his eyes going back to Liam's body. Liam looked down at himself, seeming to go a bit shy as he tapped the toes of his shoes together.

"Yeah... It's was Ruth's idea." Liam shrugged. "I told her I look stupid but she wouldn't have any of it."

"No," Zayn shook his head. He didn't even have to muster any courage for this, Liam was his boyfriend, he looked freakin' amazing and he was going to tell him. "You look great, Liam." Zayn told him, meeting his eyes and ignoring the blush creeping up his cheeks to focus on the pinking of Liam's. He couldn't believe he just got Liam to blush.

"Thank you." Liam smiled, locking eyes with Zayn for a moment before his eyes went to Zayn's body. "You look great too. Let me guess... Louis?" Liam inquired, referring to his own dark jeans and black button up shirt that Louis had brought from his own closet. Zayn hadn't even asked him to help him pick out something to wear, apparently it was just expected that he did. Zayn nodded, ducking his head for a moment before stepping to the side, and motioning towards the car.

"I'm afraid he's had a lot to do with tonight." Zayn admitted, smiling as Liam reached for his hand as he descended the steps and headed for the little blue car.

"My, my... How on earth did you get Louis Tomlinson to hand over his car? That is a feat not many have been able to achieve." Liam said, his tone teasing but his eyes honestly curious as he looked at Zayn from the side.

"I didn't do anything, apparently my mother's minivan was unsuitable." Zayn told him. Liam laughed at this, a huff of a noise that had Zayn smiling because he didn't often make Liam laugh. Unfortunately, Liam usually only laughed when Louis or one of the guy's made a joke. It was rare that Zayn made Liam laugh and he found that this felt good. It felt good to make Liam laugh, it felt good to not hold back his comments in case they weren't what people wanted to hear. He was glad he had those talks with both Niall and Louis, they made him see that sometimes taking care of yourself was better than worrying about what other people thought.

"Well, either one is fine with me. I could have driven as well." Liam offered, climbing into the passenger seat of the little car. Zayn climbed into the drivers seat and started it up, checking all his mirrors like the new driver that he was because he didn't get to drive as often as he liked to be fully comfortable at the wheel.

"Nope. Not tonight. Tonight I drive." Zayn said, not only referring to the driving but to the whole of it all. Tonight Zayn was going to try. He was going to push his fears to the side, he was going to drive, he was going to pay, he was going to properly converse with Liam and open up about whatever Liam wanted, he was going to do all of that because Liam deserved this. He deserved this from Zayn after all this time.

The restaurant Louis had chosen for him was definitely fancy, Zayn could tell this by just looking at the place with the fancy font that was used for the name and the shiny windows that let you see into the restaurant to all the people eating in there. There was a valet up front so Zayn handed him the keys and waited for Liam to join him at his side, a funny look on his face like he couldn't quite wrap his head around the evening. Zayn watched the car drive away and led Liam into the restaurant, stopping to talk to a girl behind a podium and stuttering out his name for his reservation. When he showed difficulties at even saying his name, he felt Liam's hand sneak into his and squeeze, like he could tell how nervous Zayn was and was trying to calm him down. Zayn was grateful.

The girl smiled and led them through the restaurant, passing tables with candles on them and beautiful chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. She led them past all the tables and into the back to a booth that was a half circle with a dim light hanging above it. It was all very secluded and romantic and definitely the work of Louis. The intimacy of it all had Zayn's heart thumping and hands sweating, the weight of what Zayn actually planned on doing settling in suddenly. How did he think he could do this? He couldn't do this. He doesn't know what he should be telling Liam. What did he want to know? What would he even care about?

"Thank you." Liam said, smiling at the girl as she placed the menus on the table, Liam turned to Zayn, raising his eyebrows at him as if to ask what he should do now. Zayn shakily gestured for Liam to sit down, watching as Liam slid into the booth until he was in the middle of the half circle. With another shaky breath, Zayn slid in after him, stopping with about a foot in between them but then he remembered what tonight was all about and slid over until he was basically pressed into Liam's side. Liam smiled down at him, like he could tell Zayn was freaking out, which he probably could, and leaned down to place a comforting kiss on his cheek.

"This is nice." Liam said softly, turning slightly and lifting his arm so he could talk to Zayn more comfortably, hooking his arm around Zayn's waist.

"Y-yeah. It's a nice place." Zayn stated, glancing around at the restaurant.

"Louis picked it out, right?" Liam asked, a knowing look in his eye. Zayn felt his face flush and his eyes widen because, how did he know? Louis said he wouldn't say anything! "It's my favourite restaurant and I've never taken you here so... I figured Louis must have told you about it." Liam explained, shrugging slightly and looking to Zayn expectantly. Zayn slowly nodded, smiling a bit sheepishly.

"Yeah, he helped me a lot tonight. I- I'm not... Good at this." Zayn admitted shyly.

"I know," Liam smiled. "But I appreciate it, Zayn. Really." Liam said a bit more seriously, leaning down to kiss Zayn on the lips this time. Zayn kissed him back, remembering that he was trying to be a bit more confident in his actions and reached over to place his hand on Liam's thigh. But Zayn couldn't let it go on for much longer because they were sat in the middle of restaurant, surrounded by people.

"W-why haven't you taken me here before?" Zayn asked, pulling away from Liam and looking up at him curiously.

"Well, I save this place for really special people." Liam said a little dismissively, glancing out at the rest of the restaurant. Oh, Zayn thought, of course he did. It was his favourite restaurant so of course he would save it for really special people. Why would he bring Zayn here? "Zayn." Liam said, trying to earn Zayn's attention because he had kind of ducked his head, trying to hide his disappointment. Zayn looked up at Liam, seeing the teasing smirk on his face and frowned in confusion. "I'm kidding. I mean, I do save it for special people but... I was going to ask you here for dinner tomorrow night but then you texted me tonight. Beat me to it." Liam smiled and Zayn kind of wanted to smack him for making him think that Zayn wasn't special to him. Zayn thought on it a moment, thinking about how this night was supposed to be about getting to be more comfortable with Liam so instead of holding back, Zayn lifted his hand and smack Liam in the chest. "Hey!" Liam chuckled, curling in on himself but laughing all the same.

"You deserve it." Zayn grumbled, smiling at Liam because it actually felt nice to be like this with him. It felt nice to be real with him.

~

Zayn lead Liam down the stairs and into the basement, his hand in Liam's. Liam was giving him that same curious yet slightly amused look he's been giving Zayn all night. Zayn couldn't blame him, it wasn't often, or ever really, that Zayn took charge and planned an evening for them. Zayn usually just went along with what Liam wanted to do so he'd be happy, but apparently that wasn't working. For whatever reason, Liam wanted Zayn to do this, to show him what Zayn liked to do, what made Zayn happy, so Zayn was going to tell him, and not only tell him, but show him.

Zayn hadn't set anything up, no romantic candles or rose pedals lining the floor. It was just his room with his bed and a fresh pair of sheets. He thought that going overboard might psych him out and he wouldn't be able to follow through with this. Zayn lead Liam over beside his bed, stopping and turning to him in silence. He still had that curious glint in his eyes but it softened as he looked down at Zayn. Zayn reached up on his tippy toes to place a quick kiss to Liam's lips that he happily returned, smiling at Zayn when he pulled away.

"Stay here." Zayn instructed in a soft whisper, squeezing Liam's hand when confusion took over his curiosity. "Don't peek." Zayn added as he stepped away from Liam. Liam's confusion remained but so did Liam, staying where Zayn told him too and keeping himself facing the wall behind Zayn's bed. Zayn went to his closet, quietly pulling open the door to reach inside and grab a scarf he normally only brought out in the winter. He made his way back to Liam, staying behind him and reaching up to fling the scarf over Liam's head, the man flinching in surprise.

"Zayn, what are you-" Liam went to ask as Zayn pulled the scarf up to Liam's eyes, tying it off behind his head.

"Trust me." Zayn told him, letting his hands fall to Liam's broad shoulders. Liam let out a nervous chuckle but nodded, reaching up to adjust the scarf into a more comfortable spot. Zayn pulled on one shoulder, successfully turning Liam and then gently pushing him back on the bed. He told Liam to get comfortable and waited as he pulled himself back so he was leaning against the headboard, his hands at his sides. Zayn took a deep breath, willing his now shaky hands to calm the fuck down. This was Liam, he wouldn't laugh at Zayn. This was Liam, the guy Zayn has been head over heels for for years, he wanted to make him happy, he needed to please him because he really didn't want lose him and Zayn knew it wasn't fair of him ask Liam to be in a relationship with some he didn't know a thing about.

"You know... If you were anyone else, I'd have to make a joke about this being some kind of kinky sex fantasy." Liam said, a small smirk on his lips. Zayn felt the blush creep across his face but ignored it, Liam really had no idea about the fantasies that played through his mind.

"You can't take that off, okay?" Zayn said instead of commenting on his joke. "Promise?" Zayn added. He needed to hear him promise this for Zayn to muster the courage to go through with this.

"Promise." Liam said, turning serious. Zayn let out a slow breath, his shaky fingers going for the hem of his shirt. "Zayn, what's going on?" Liam asked, a slight frown forming over his lips. That's really all Zayn could see of Liam's face with the blindfold covering most of it. Zayn ignored the question.

"I like comic books." Zayn said, his fingers lifting his shirt slowly over his head. Liam's frown increased with this, but Zayn kept going, wiggling his shirt over his elbows and tossing it to the side. He was now standing in front of Liam, shirtless, for the first time and Liam had no idea. Zayn's heart was hammering in his chest because Liam could take the blindfold off at any moment but Zayn reminded himself of Liam's promise and calmed down a little, very little because he was still nervous as hell.

"Yeah, okay, um..." Liam said, obviously confused. "Yeah, comic books are good." Liam said after a moment.

"I like the art in them," Zayn elaborated, stepping towards the bed. "I like trying to draw like that." Liam's frown turned up a bit at this, a small smile cross his lips.

"Yeah, I see those doddles all over your notes." Liam teased, apparently deciding to ignore the fact that Zayn had him blindfolded and was talking as if nothing was happening. Zayn realized that yeah, of course he knew that already. Those things were easy to find out about Zayn by just looking around his room. He had to dig deeper.

"I like hip-hop music." Zayn blurted out in a panic so as not to lose Liam's interest. Liam grinned at this, cocking his head to the side in curiosity.

"Really? I would have never guessed that." Liam said and Zayn could tell he was happy. Liam was happy that Zayn told him this. "I would have thought rock or indie music or something."

"I like reading." Zayn went on, placing one knee beside Liam's and throwing his other over him so he was straddling him. Liam seemed surprised at first but didn't question it, he just put his hands on Zayn's thighs, his thumbs gently stroking soothing circles into the fabric of his jeans. Zayn wondered what Liam would look like if he could see that Zayn was shirtless and sitting in his lap right now. Would he be content? Would he be disappointed? "I like mysteries, but not thrillers. I don't like blood, I don't like people getting hurt. I like dramas and... And romance." Zayn elaborated, Liam's smile widening.

"Yeah? Is that why you got all tense when we watched Carrie?" Liam asked. Zayn nodded, then realized Liam couldn't see him.

"Yeah, don't do well with blood." Zayn repeated.

"Thanks, Zayn." Liam said softly. Zayn really shouldn't have to be thanked over this. This is stuff that he should willingly tell Liam and Zayn felt bad that he hadn't. He didn't know how to respond to Liam's gratitude, 'you're welcome' felt wrong so he leaned forward and placed another kiss to Liam's lips, it kind of feeling like an apology.

"I'm shy because I can't tell what people are thinking, and I don't want to upset anyone. I don't know if I'm boring them, annoying them, or if they even care enough to listen." Zayn explained realizing too far into the sentence that he wasn't even stuttering but that realization tripped him up. "I- I don't th-think m-my life is- is important enough to sh- share." Liam frowned at this, his hands freezing on his legs. Liam lifted his hands then, raising them and when Zayn realized what he was doing, he darted forward to grab Liam's wrist to stop him from taking off the blindfold. "No! No, you promised." Zayn said in a panic, his fingers wrapped around Liam's wrist. Liam sighed and dropped his hands, turning them over to hold Zayn's.

"Your life is definitely worth sharing." Liam said softly. "I want you to share with me, Zayn. I need you to share with me. I want to know everything about you. What you like and don't like. You're favourite artist, writer, and actor. I want to know about your family, about your childhood. I want to know what makes you happy, what makes you sad and mad... Everything. If it's important to you, it's important to me." Liam said. Zayn nodded, rolling his eyes at himself before leaning forward again to kiss Liam's lips. This kiss lasted longer, their lips slowly moving together for an intimate moment.

"I love superheroes. I can't swim. I want a dog. I-I've had a crush on you since primary." Zayn admitted, Liam grinning smugly. "I don't get why you're with me, don't interrupt, I don't get it but I'm happy you are." Zayn said, not letting Liam go into a whole speech about why he was with Zayn. Zayn knew he'd have to continue on with the rest of his plan, the main part of this whole idea. It had him getting nervous, his heart rate picking up in his chest.

"Zayn you're shaking, are you okay?" Liam asked, his hands rubbing up and down Zayn's thighs to comfort him. Zayn smiled at him because he really was so caring, but he ignored this question as well. Zayn reached over to grab Liam's hand, lifting it and setting it on his bare shoulder. Zayn saw the exact moment it clicked for Liam what Zayn was doing right now, why he had the blindfold on, why he wasn't allowed to take it off. He could tell by the way his mouth fell open but quickly snapped shut, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

"And I want you to stay with me." Zayn said, his voice shaky and a little breathless.

"Zayn, you don't have to do this for me to stay with you." Liam said, his hand frozen on Zayn's shoulder even though Zayn had dropped his hand long ago.

"I want to do this." Zayn said, feeling his heart thumping against his chest. Liam licked his lips again, and then his hand was moving hesitantly down Zayn's shoulder to the top of his arm. Liam probably wanted to take this slow for Zayn's benefit but now that this was happening, Zayn didn't want him to go slow, not that slow at least. Zayn lifted Liam's other hand, placing it flat against Zayn's bare chest and letting go. He blushed at the way Liam cursed under his breath and the hand on his chest turned, his fingers roaming down over his would-be abs if he ever bothered to work out. Zayn's wasn't exactly scrawny or even pudgy, but he was definitely not Liam.

Liam's hand became more confident, roaming over every part of Zayn's torso his hands could find and Zayn found it quite difficult to keep his breathing under control. It just felt so good. Everywhere Liam's soft warm hands touched, Zayn felt something, almost like a burning, a tingle of something amazing that he couldn't describe. He was too lost in the moment, too caught up in Liam's touch to be able to think about anything. His head honestly felt foggy, a little light headed from Liam's touch alone. He didn't want it to stop. He just wanted Liam to keep touching him, to explore him. Zayn bit down on his lip, his eyes falling shut so he could focus on nothing but Liam's hands.

"C'mere." Liam mumbled, slipping his hand around Zayn's neck and pulling him down to connect their lips together. Kissing Liam was always amazing. It always left him a little breathless and wanting more but kissing Liam like this? With Liam's hands exploring his bare torso, caressing his skin and making him shiver... It was driving him absolutely crazy. It was no longer wanting more, it was needing more. Zayn needed more, he didn't know what exactly he needed, but he knew he needed more as his lips worked against Liam's, Liam's tongue working it's way into Zayn's mouth.

"Liam." Zayn panted, his own hands finding Liam's chest. Liam seemed to have misunderstood this, not that Zayn blamed him.

"Sorry," Liam apologized, pulling away and hiding his face in the crook of Zayn's neck, the scarf feeling scratchy against his skin. "I'm sorry, fuck, I'm such an idiot." Liam mumbled. Zayn immediately shook his head, pushing away to look at his boyfriend. Liam was chewing on his lip, his head pointed down to hide his face even though the scarf did that well. Zayn ducked down, slotting his face under Liam's and pecking his lips.

"I didn't mean stop." Zayn whispered shyly, pressing his lips to Liam's once again. He felt Liam's surprise in the way he sort of froze before he started kissing Zayn back, the kiss becoming sort of difficult because Liam was fighting a smile. Eventually Liam outright smiled against Zayn's lips so Zayn pulled away, leaning his forehead against Liam's scarf covered one. "I like coke, to drink I mean. Alcohol wise... I don't know... Whatever Louis made me that night." Zayn said a little breathlessly. He hadn't been planning a snogging session when he thought this through, but honestly he probably should have expected it.

"Well, I'll have to ask him what that was." Liam replied, just as breathless.

"I like these taco things my mum makes, and chicken, I love chicken." Zayn went on, sitting up and looking down at a grinning Liam. Something fluttered in Zayn's chest when he saw that smile, something that had his next words a tumbling out without any real thought. "And I think I'm in love with you." He said, the words falling into a near whisper. Zayn's own eyes widened in shock as he heard what he said. Liam froze at this, his grin fading slightly. Zayn tensed where he sat on Liam, ready for Liam to start laughing now or to kick him off. He hadn't meant to say that, he hadn't meant to reveal that much. Zayn was literally a millisecond away from jumping from Liam's lap, ready to grab his shirt and flee the scene, not caring if this was house but then Liam was smiling again.

"Well, thank fuck." Liam said around a small chuckle. Not exactly the reaction Zayn was expecting, but it wasn't outright laughing in Zayn's face or shoving him away so it was something.

"Um," Zayn mumble, not sure where to go from here.

"Come here," Liam said and pulled Zayn down into a kiss. Zayn went easily, supporting himself using Liam's chest. He was kind of nervous still, waiting to hear what Liam actually thought of this new information but he was easily distracted by Liam lips. Distracted enough to allow himself to be flipped over so Liam was now the one straddling Zayn, face aimed down towards Zayn even though the blindfold remained in place.

"Zayn, I have been going crazy the past couple of weeks because I wasn't sure how you felt about me, I wasn't even sure who you were and it scared the crap out of me." Liam explained, making Zayn feel a bit guilty. "It scared me because I know I'm in love with you and I didn't know what I was going to do if you didn't feel the same way." Liam continued, making a smile break out across Zayn's lips. Liam was in love with him? With Zayn? Zayn couldn't help but wonder why, but he supposed it didn't really matter why. All that mattered was that Liam loved him and Zayn loved Liam. "And I sort of feel like an idiot saying all this with a blind fold on, not exactly the way I planned on telling you." Liam added after a moment.

Zayn bit his lip, taking a deep breath before slowly reaching up for the blind fold. He supposed he could this. He could trust Liam not to laugh at his body. This had been the plan all along, let Liam feel him and if things went well, then Zayn would show him and things had gone well. They went better than well, actually. Zayn pushed the blind fold up and flicked it off Liam's head, the blind fold falling to the side. Liam's face was red where it had sat for so long and Liam had to reach up and rub his eyes before opening them, but eventually he did. Liam opened his eyes, first meeting Zayn's before curiosity got the best of him and his eyes fell to Zayn's torso. Zayn had to fight the urge to cover himself as Liam's eyes traced every inch of his skin, a small smile creeping across his lips.

"Zayn, you're beautiful. Fuck, I mean- I don't want to ruin the moment but fuck, you're fit." Liam said his eyes meeting Zayn's once again. Zayn blushed profusely, biting at his bottom lip to keep from smiling though it didn't work very well.

"Shut up, no I'm not." Zayn mumbled, avoiding looking back into Liam's eyes.

"Yes, you are." Liam argued, leaning down to place a quick kiss to Zayn's lips. "So hot, sexy even." Liam went on, placing another kiss to Zayn's lips as Zayn's face heated up even more. A small giggle escaped Zayn's mouth as he turned his head away, trying to hide his face but Liam didn't seem to mind, he just started kissing Zayn's neck instead, going on and on about how fit Zayn apparently was until Zayn was a blushing, giggling mess.

"Okay, okay." Zayn panted out. Finally meeting Liam's eyes. Liam grinned down at Zayn, probably because he knew exactly what he was doing to Zayn.

"I love you, Zayn. All of you." Liam said softly after a moment of them both finding their breaths. Zayn didn't even need to think twice about his reply.

"I love you, too."

~

"Horan's going to be late." Louis announced as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. They were at the park today, waiting in the field for Niall to arrive so they could start in on a footie game. Zayn didn't particularly care for football, at least not as much as Louis or Niall did, but they wanted to play and Zayn supposed it wouldn't kill him to humor them.

"Like we couldn't see that?" Harry asked, gesturing around the field to point out that Niall was in fact not there. Louis huffed in annoyance, tossing the ball rather hard at Harry, Harry not being prepared for it so it smacked him in the chest and fell to the ground.

"Just passing on the message, he said to start without him." Louis explained. "I call Liam!" He said immediately, grabbing Liam by the arm and pulling him out of Zayn's grasp. Zayn didn't mind, he's learned he didn't need Liam by his side for everything little thing, but Harry apparently did mind.

"Hey, not fair! You play on the school's team and Liam's a natural athlete!" Harry exclaimed, at each of them. "Whereas Zayn and I are probably going to be like a couple deer on ice!" Harry gestured between the two of them and Zayn thought that maybe he should be offended by the comparison, but he wasn't. He actually felt it was kind of true, if not a little funny.

"And that's my problem how?" Louis asked, arching an eyebrow at Harry. Zayn shared a look with Liam, Liam grinning at him, obviously amused.

"Why don't you and Haz be on a team and I'll go with Zayn?" Liam suggested helpfully. Zayn didn't have a problem with that plan either.

"Why? So you can sit in the goal and snog each other senseless? Nuh-uh, I get Zayn if I can't have you." Louis said, now pushing Liam away and grabbing hold of Zayn. Again, Zayn didn't mind and allowed himself to be lead away with only an amused grin over his shoulder at Liam who shrugged and started chatting with Harry. Louis led him to the goal and stopped, bending over to fix his shoe.

"I'm not very good at goal." Zayn warned. He felt like he should at least give Louis a heads up.

"Yeah, well... I'm guessing you're not very good out on the field either so I'd rather you here." Louis said standing back up to look at Zayn. "Just... Throw yourself in front of the ball. Not that hard." Louis shrugged and then he was turning away and heading back into the middle of the field where Liam stood waiting for him, Harry having retreated to their own net. Liam gave him an encouraging smile and a small wave before Louis was yelling at him to pay attention. Zayn stifled a giggle and waited for the two boys to start playing one on one, watching as they both expertly ran around the field kicking at the ball.

Honestly, it was a little boring because they were both pretty good, Louis even better so the ball never really came Zayn's way which is probably why he wanted Zayn in the net. Louis was kind of playing both parts at this point. But Zayn watched on, mostly watch Liam and the way he ran and dodged and jump over Louis when Louis slid to get the ball. He really was a natural athlete and made it look so easy, they both did really, but Zayn was obviously more enticed by Liam. He always was.

Zayn wasn't really paying attention to much else so he nearly missed it when Louis actually messed up and Liam got hold of the ball, dribbling it over towards Zayn and the net. Louis was right on his tail but he wasn't fast enough to stop Liam from attempting a goal. Zayn watched carefully, trying to anticipate the angle Liam would kick it, but he didn't need to. Liam kicked the ball right at Zayn, Zayn easily catching it in his arms and holding it to his stomach. Liam grinned at Zayn, sending him a wink as he jogged backwards towards the middle of the field and Zayn let out a small chuckle. Liam did that on purpose.

"He let me win." Zayn pointed out as Louis came to retrieve the ball from him.

"I know he did." Louis huffed out. "But I don't care, if he wants to lose because of you, then whatever." Louis shrugged, grabbing the ball from him. Zayn chuckled a little, glancing back over Louis' shoulder to lock eyes with Liam, getting a sudden idea.

"Then maybe I should face him?" Zayn asked, a slight hope trickling into his voice. Louis raised an eyebrow at him, a silent question that Zayn was quick to answer. "I just mean... Like, he won't go hard on me. He may even let me by without much trouble and Harry's bad at goal as well."

"I like the way you think, Malik... Get out there." Louis said, tossing the ball behind him and clapping Zayn on the back as he jogged after the ball. Zayn grinned at Liam when he gave him a look of confusion, Harry looking much the same, but didn't protest. Zayn got the ball and slowly made his way over to the middle, deciding how he wanted to do this. Obviously, he wasn't getting past Liam unless Liam let him but he was sort of hoping Liam would. Liam met him at the middle line and Zayn was ready to really go for it, but then Liam was calling a time out.

"There are no time-outs in this game!" Louis called out but Zayn stopped anyway, setting his foot on top of the ball to hold it still.

"Everything okay?" Zayn asked a little warily. Was it because he didn't want to face Zayn?

"Yeah, everything's fine. Just a little warm." Liam said as he slipped his fingers under the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, chucking it as far as he could to the side. Zayn didn't see where it landed because he was more focused on Liam's naked glistening torso.

"Hey! Cheater! No taking your shirt off to distract my player!" Louis called out, snapping Zayn from his trance.

"If you can play dirty so can I!" Liam called back, turning to Zayn and grinning at him innocently. Zayn suddenly felt too warm in the face, and it wasn't from the sun beaming overhead. Zayn allowed himself exactly three more seconds to take in Liam's defined muscles that were shining from the layer of sweat he's built up from running around, and then focused. He wasn't going to let Liam's dirty tricks stop him from winning, even if he was depending on Liam's soft side to let him win.

Zayn kicked at the ball, going to the right to get around Liam, which he shouldn't have been able to do but Liam let him, stepping back and following Zayn. Liam weakly attempted to get the ball back, and sadly one time it almost worked, but Zayn managed to make his way to the net. When he was close enough he kicked the ball, sending it flying towards the net but Harry actually managed to block it, tossing it out to Liam who immediately took off with it towards Louis. Liam didn't slow for Zayn, not this time and went straight for the goal, kicking it again and the difference between the way he kicked it for Zayn and for Louis was definitely noticeable.

Somehow though, Louis managed to dive in front of it, catching it in his hands and tossing it towards Zayn who gingerly dribbled it back towards the middle. It went on like this for a little while, neither team scoring a goal but no one seemed to mind. They were having fun. It wasn't until Niall showed up that anything happened. Zayn had the ball and was making his way towards the net when Niall shouted at him to 'Go, go, go', announcing his presence and successfully distracting Harry. Zayn kicked the ball, sending it flying again and this time it went right past Harry, Harry noticing too late and basically just watched the ball go by him.

"Woo!" Zayn heard Louis scream at the top of his lungs, but he was more focused on the pout on Liam's lips to really pay attention. Liam was pouting at the goal, turning the pout on Zayn who couldn't help but giggle. He knew Liam wasn't really upset so he stuck his tongue out at him, giggling more when mock-shock took over Liam's face. Liam darted towards Zayn and before Zayn could do much he was being thrown over Liam's shoulder.

"Hey!" Zayn called out around a laugh, kicking his feet and lightly smacking Liam's back. He could see Harry standing by the goal, now joined by Niall, both of them watching him with amused looks on their faces. "Help!" Zayn called out, but he wasn't able to see their reactions because he was being spun now, Liam running in circles.

"No way, you cheated!" Harry called out, but it didn't matter because soon Liam was setting him down

"That wasn't very sportsman-like." Liam told him, smiling down at him as he tried to find his breath.

"Neither is picking up your opponent and carrying them like a sack of potatoes." Zayn pointed out but he was still smiling up at Liam because he couldn't help it. He was just really happy right now and he couldn't believe his life had turned out to be like this.

"Yes it is, it's in the official rulebook actually." Liam said, sliding his hands our Zayn's waist and hooking them together behind his back so Zayn was forced up against him, not that he minded.

"It is not."

"Is too. It's how you congratulate them." Liam said matter of factly.

"I think you're supposed to shake hands or give them a high five." Zayn explained, slipping his hand up around Liam's neck instead of having them squished between their bodies.

"Hmm... I guess that makes more sense... What about... Kisses? Are kisses a good way to congratulate them?" Liam asked, a sly grin crossing his lips. Zayn knew where this was heading and he knew they were standing in the middle of a field with at least three sets of eyes on them, but he found he didn't care so much anymore.

"Anything is better than being carried like a sack of potatoes." Zayn told him, trying to give him a pointed look but he couldn't wipe the smile off his face long enough to do so. He could wipe it off when Liam kissed him though, the smile fading so he could move his lips against Liam's, the kiss quickly turning into something that probably shouldn't be witnessed by others but again... Zayn found that he didn't care much anymore. That's not to say he was ready to rip his shirt off like Liam or start dry-humping him here in the field but, something like this, a heated kiss once in a while wasn't so bad.

He didn't mind Louis, Harry and Niall witnessing it. He didn't mind that he could hear them now standing practically beside them exchanging witty comments about their 'face-battle' as Louis put it, and he actually had a comment of his own that he would share with them when he finished Liam, so to say his life had changed was definitely an understatement and he found that he was completely okay with the that.

THE END