Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

If you ever have the choice between mucking out the sun horses' stables and getting a lecture by the god of lightning (who also happened to be the king of gods and your father), pick the stables. Not because it's fun. Far from it.
You can count yourself lucky if you don't ever have to experience the smell of what flaming magical horses leave behind. Let's just say I wish Helios had burned away my sense of smell.
Still, there's (almost) nothing I wouldn't give just to avoid having to talk to Zeus right now.

Lately, he had been even more paranoid than before, something to do with a bad prophecy given to him. Not that I'd know anything about it. Just because I'm the god of prophecy it doesn't mean that I know who is given what prophecy.
And dear Daddy would never tell me.

But whatever it was, it was bad. And it made him angry at me. Very angry.

I don't know why he seemed tartarusbent on making my life miserable.
Maybe it was simply his general hatred for his kids (and everyone else) or it had to do something with me. (Had I done anything wrong lately? I couldn't remember.)
Perhaps it was even just that I'm the god pf prophecy and he blamed me for whatever he was prophesied.

All I knew was that he wanted to speak to me, alone, and it made me very much scared for my life. I know you think I am being dramatic, but I really am not.
Not right now anyway. When Zeus got into one of his moods, he didn't know friend from foe. Or family, which in our case fit into both categories.
And he lost control of his lightning sometimes, when his anger or annoyance became too much. Too bad that the only thing I seemed to be good at was annoying and angering him with my mere presence.

But refusing to meet with him wouldn't help my case, so I sighed and put away the golden pitchfork I used to muck out the stables. Normally, I'd let someone else do it (I may have learned not to burden others with my responsibilities but come on... It really was a disgusting smell), but Zeus had ordered me to do it myself as a punishment for... I didn't know. I didn't think Zeus knew either.

Hermes, who had been tasked with informing me that Zeus wanted to see me, sent me a sympathetic look. Although he and Zeus also had their little (gigantic) problems, the king of gods didn't go as hard on him as he did on me ever since I returned to godhood. Maybe before that too, even. It was hard to tell, because back then, I just took it as given that Zeus was angry at me.

The sun rose, the wind blew, Zeus punished me - just normal everyday stuff.

But the whole Nero-situation really made me think. Of course, my situation couldn't be compared to Meg's. Zeus didn't have some freaky pretend split personality he used to punish us. Still, I did see some similarities between Zeus and Nero. I tried to ignore it at first, but I couldn't ban the comparison from my mind. The longer time went on, the more I saw how much alike they were. Gods, was I glad that Meg was freed of that psychotic asshole.

Petting my horses goodbye (One of them bit me for leaving so soon), I prepared myself for what's to come.
I really tried not to fall behind on my duties lately. I hadn't been late to raise the sun once, the oracles were all well and spitting prophecies like crazy and my instruments had been polished so well that I could use them to blind an entire city in an instant. (Not that I'd ever do that. Well, not anymore at least.) I even refrained from practicing the drums late at night, as to Zeus' rather strongly worded wishes.
And I had found the time to visit my human friends and spend time with my kids. Not that father would care about that. He still talked about Jason's death as but a unfortunate inconvenience, which, apparently, I could've prevented, had I only tried harder. As to how I should've done that, he hadn't answered me. Of course not.

When I couldn't postpone it any longer without being punished for being late, I flashed myself to the foyer in front of the throne room.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the doors and took in the giant room. There, in the middle throne, Zeus was already sat. His eyes were as dark as the storm cloud that filled up the dome above us, hanging threatingly above our heads. The room was empty except for him and his scary cloud of doom. Not even Aunt Hestia was here, I noted with some horror.
She was the only one who could talk some sense into Zeus without running danger of being fried to a crisp.

I stood before Zeus, knowing better than to talk first and squared myself.
A long time, he didn't say anything, just glaring me up and down. I could feel him judging every inch of my being without him having to say a word. Just as I debated saying something, he finally spoke two simple words.

„You stink."

Shit. In my hurry to procrastinate visiting father, I hadn't remember to shower. Or, as I remembered I could do, wish myself clean. I still wasn't used to being able to do that again.
Zeus never appreciated me being messy. It annoyed him to no end. Of course it did, he thought of physical work to be beneath him. I could feel my face heating up as I hurriedly wished the smell of sun horse stink to be gone.

„My apologies, father."
My father just grunted at that, the anger in his eyes not lessening. Then, he leaned forward in his seat.
„You've been visiting that spawn of Demeter again, haven't you? You're always full of dirt after."  I swallowed my rage at Meg being called 'that spawn of Demeter' and did my best to keep my voice under careful control. It wouldn't do either of us any good if I fought him on this.

„No sir, as to per your request, I have been-" I started to explain myself, just to be cut off by his thunderous voice.
„Are you backtalking me, boy?"

I gulped in fear as I saw his right hand gripping his lightning bolt tighter. Perhaps it was an unconscious gesture, maybe he wanted to threaten me.
You couldn't be sure with Zeus. All I knew was that these things fucking hurt, thank you very much. And if I could avoid it, I would prefer not to be on the receiving end of a few million watts of electricity.
I knew he could kill me with them if he wanted, but so far he had kindly refrained from doing so. Maybe he still saw me as useful, or he just didn't want to clean up the Apollo sized burn mark on his marble floor after. Although he'd probably get someone else to do that, so it was most likely the former.

Luckily, he decided to loosen his grip after a moment. Instead of blasting me with lightning, he only stood up and walked a few steps down to me, until he stood maybe half a step in front of me. He towered over me, which I would've found funny under different cicumstances.
You see, he wasn't normally taller than me, which means he must've heightened himself just to tower over me. But now, the idea of him purposefully trying to threaten me wasn't so funny anymore. Not when his eyes, blown with rage, stared me down and the storm at the ceiling was getting deafeningly loud.

„I will not allow you to disrespect me, Apollon." Ugh. Now we've arrived at full names. Still, I couldn't help trying to defend myself. After all, noone ever accused me of knowing when to shut up.

„I wasn't -" I began, only to be silenced by pain exploding across the right side of my face. Zeus had slapped me. The force of the hit caused me to stumble a bit sideways and fall on my knees. Luckily, I caught myself with my hands, just short of faceplanting onto the floor. I could feel something warm running down my face and brought my hand up to confirm what I already knew. It came back golden from the Ichor that spilled out a wound on my cheek. Zeus' golden rings hurt like a bitch.

Unbelieving, I looked up at my father, who had just hit me across the face. He had never done that before. His lightning, yes, but never directly. It only felt more personal like this. More real. This time, there was no denying that it was him who hurt me, not his bolts. Only him. For just a short moment, conflictment flickered in his eyes, but it could be that I had just imagined it. Then, his eyes hardened again and he took a step back. I hurried to stand up again, ignoring the pounding in my head and the way my stomach seemingly wanted to turn itself inside out. I would have to check myself for a concussion after I got out of here. Zeus sure had one hell of a punch.

„I don't want you visiting that human kid anymore. It's unbecoming of a god to play in the dirt with humans. It's causing you to neglect your duties and setting a bad example for the others, can't you see that?" He spoke quietly, not needing to raise his voice to make it sound authorative.

Everything inside me screamed to tell him exactly what I thought of him and his opinions of 'playing in the dirt' (spending time with my friends), but I managed to stay outwardly calm and do my best to be polite.

„I have not been neglecting my duties, father." This was all I dared to say. I could see that even these simple words have already angered him again, but he held himself back from hitting me again or worse.

„I will believe it when I see it. But all I'm seeing is you getting yourself dirty in the mud with a messy little rat. Your time is too valuable to be spend with such frivolties and I expect you to stop immediately, do you understand me?"

I nodded, trying to will away the tears in my eyes as my heart broke. Later, I would be ashamed that I had let him insult my friend without defending her, that I hadn't even tried to stand up for her (or for me, as a matter of fact), but in this moment, I was simply to afraid to do anything but comply. The fury hadn't yet left his eyes and neither had the memory of his hit left my head, or the lightning bolt his hand.

Zeus sighed. „I only want what's best for you, my son."

That was it, the moment I saw red. Or gold. Anyways. The power of my emotional outbreak startled Zeus just as much as myself, which was probably the reason I even got to finish what I said.

„Oh come on! Not once have you ever wanted what's best for me, or any of your other children. To you, we are only tools to get what you want, and we are thrown away the moment we're not useful any longer. Only good as long as we do what you want. And what you want
is power, don't pretend it isn't. You despise Kronos, but you're just as bad. You have never helped me, eventhough it would've been so easy for you. And why? Because you. don't. care. Don't act like you worry for me, because you don't, and you have never. So what if I spend time on earth? So what if I'm being responsible? More than you will ever be? Isn't that exactly what you wanted when you made me mortal and sen me down there, to fight against an enemy you were too scared to-"

That's when he interrupted me, the attack on his ego enough to free him from the confusion that had paralyzed him. His response came in the form of many, many electrons. In other words, he used his lightning bolts.
Have you ever been hit by a tazer? If so, just imagine that, but 5000x as bad. Or maybe don't. It's not a great feeling, I can tell you as much.
It felt like my entire being was made of fire and I was genuinly scared that I might just discorporate into tiny particles from the pain. The worst thing about it is that you can't control your muscles anymore, they all clench simultaneaously. It's like a cramp in every fiber of my being, all at once. My jaw shut so hard that I was worried it might break and I fell over, this time not able to catch myself with my hands.

After what felt like hours, but were in reality just mere seconds, Zeus stopped.

I laid there panting for air, as my muscles slowly returned to normal, spasming every once in a while still. I couldn't look up, couldn't look at my father, as I processed what had just happened. I swear, my skin was still smoking. When I finally opened my eyes, I had to blink a few time before my vision started to clear up and I could assess the damage done to my body. It wasn't pretty. Odds are, if he had continued longer, I might not have survived, judging by the electrical burns all over my skin. Ichor still ran down my face and neck, staining my clothes golden.

„Get up." Zeus said, dangerously calm. I needed a moment to understand what he had said, my ears still ringing from the pain, then hurried to comply. It hurt so much. Every muscle I moved seemed to scream in pain, yelling at me that it was too soon to move, but I couldn't listen to them.

Zeus apparently decided that I was taking too long and grabbed my neck, which, ow. Did you know that even when you don't technically have to breathe, it still hurts like a bitch to have your entire body weight picked up by your neck? I do now.

He let me hang in the air before him for a moment, seemingly debating what to do with me. From the look on his face, he couldn't have been far from throwing me into the chaos. Then, he pulled me close, until our noses almost touched. If I could've smelled anything, i might've complained about his bad breath, but right now all I could smell was burnt sun god. Up close, I saw some emotions in his eyes, that noone should have to see in the eyes of their father, ever. Disgust, for one, mixed with disappointment and pure, undiluted hatred. Ow.

„Get out. Don't ever let your pathetic face be seen here again, or I will kill you." He said, his voice deadly cold. Then he dropped me to the floor, turned around and marched out the door without looking back.

The worst thing about it is that I had absolutely no doubts that he meant it.
I don't know how long I just laid there, crying, before I could hear someone approaching and cold fear took over my mind. Was it Zeus? Had he come back to finish what he started? Logically, I knew that these steps were too light to be his, not the heavy ones that I had become so good at recognizing. It couldn't be him, I knew that. But try to explain that to my mind, which only screamed for me to flee. Far, far away.

The steps came closer and the door war pushed open, just as I scraped together what power I had left in my body and flashed away. I hoped whoever came through the door hadn't seen me, not in this miserable state I was in.

What I left behind was a pool of golden Ichor on the luxurious floor of my fathers palace and my entire life as I knew it.

Chapter Text

I woke up in a dumpster. Again.

To be honest, I have no idea how long I spent just laying there. My body hurt like hell (or tartarus) and I couldn't organize my thoughts. It was like every time I tried to focus on one thing, all the other thoughts and sensations tackled that thing to the ground, bringing back only chaos in my head. I might've been dreaming, dissociating or even dying, who knows.
I absently wondered how many verbs beginning with ‚d' there were. There had to be at least 27.

I guess your mind tends to get a bit mushy when you're lying in the trash after being kicked out of the Olymp (for the second time in a year).

After a while, I must've passed out. When I awoke again, it was to a face directly above mine, blocking out what little sun there was in a dark alleyway in december. I let out a small grumble but couldn't bring myself to interact with them further. If they decided that there would be no sun for Apollo today, then who was I to argue?

It was definitely a women's head, but my vision was too blurred to make out any details besides her brown hair and dark complexion. I tried to say something, but the headache that was tearing my head apart got amplified by the thousands as I tried to form words, so I just shut my eyes again. If this was how I'd die, then so be it, I thought. In retrospect, I might've felt the tiniest bit sorry for myself, but why wouldn't I, really? My dad just beat my ass and kicked me out, so I was allowed to be the tiniest bit melodramatic.

Apparently, I blacked out again the second I closed my eyes, because I woke up in what was decidedly not a dumpster. It felt soft, almost like my godsized bed in the sun palace. I snuggled closer into my pillow, breathing in the lingering smell of washing detergent.
Wait. Something wasn't quite right with that, I decided. Everyone knew that gods didn't use washing detergent. Far too itchy. We just used our powers to keep them clean. Not that they had much of a chance to get dirty, seeing as gods rarely slept. Well, sometimes we did, but it was more for enjoyment than anything else.
Still, the pillow didn't smell of the flowery parfume I prefered, the covers weren't textured like mine were and it all smelled unfamiliar.

It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize I wasn't in the sun palace.
But hey, I got there. And again, have some mercy on my poor tortured soul. Ha.
In fact, I was on a pull out couch of a small apartment in the depths of New York, but I didn't know that at the time. Well, the part about New York. Not the part about lying on the couch. That was pretty easy to guess by the amount of springs that dug into my back.

As soon as I realized that I wasn't at home, I shot up in my makeshift bed, shrieking totally unlike a little girl when I noticed the woman that was in the same room.

She was sat at a desk in the corner of the room, back turned to me. She seemed to write something on a laptop, but spun around as soon as she heard me. Then she grimaced, rubbing her back. I could see now that she was on the older side, though I couldn't pinpoint her age. Maybe 60-ish? It was pretty hard to tell with humans, especially when you were a god who didn't age.

„Ah, I shouldn't have moved that fast, I guess I really can't handle it anymore."

At my confused look, she let out a small giggle.

„Oh dear, I should've done some explaining first before complaining to you about my back like an old hag." She smiled softly, as though she was talking to a child that needed help. Which I found totally unfair and that's the only reason it brought me halfway to tears. Not because I was desperate for someone to be nice to me, absolutely not. I don't even know who would get such ridiculous ideas. Anyways.
„Do you want some tea?" She asked, and you know what? I absolutely did.

Turns out, it's much more comfortable to have a crisis while sitting, wrapped in a blanket with tea in your hands, than while lying on the floor of your father's godly palace.

"We only have green tea, is that alright with you, honey?" She asked. Green tea was the best, everyone knew that.

"Of course, ma'am." I replied. Well, tried to reply might fit better here. My voice sounded worse than it did after that one time I sang for a year straight. I cleared my throat and tried again, the words coming out a bit clearer this time. The woman send me a worried look. Huh. This whole thing gave me flashbacks of a certain adventure that happened recently. Subtly, I tried to let the tip of my finger glow a bit. There was light, definitely, though it seemed dulled somehow. It's probably just the exhaustion, I thought to myself. No need to worry.

A steaming cup of tea was set down in front of me. I quickly grabbed onto it with both hands and took a gulp, enjoying the warmth spreading in my throat.

"Slow down! You'll burn yourself at this rate." The woman reprimanded me, though the words weren't said unkindly. A quick glance up at her smiling face confirmed my assessment. I set the mug down, but not without taking a last sip in. Seems like the whole heat proof part of
my godhood was as present as ever, at least. Well, even if I can't turn myself into a walking glowstick anymore, at least I could probably still jump into an active volcano and climb out unharmed. And weren't it the little things in life that counted? Still, I didn't think angering the woman who picked me up from outside and made me tea would be fair, so I did as I was told.

Getting a cup for herself, she sat down across from me at the small kitchen table. It stood just underneath a window that faced a rather courtyard. There weren't any plants, just cobble surrounded by towering houses made of brick. Meg probably wouldn't approve. On the other hand, she'd spent much of her time wandering through dark alleys, so who knew?

"I'm Anne. And what's your name, boy?" The woman, Anne, asked, ripping me out of my thoughts abruptly. I blinked at her. What was I supposed to say? 'Hello, my name is Apollo, the mighty god of the sun, archery, music and too many other things to name. I've come to drink your tea.'? Probably not a good introduction. But Lester didn't fit either, I wasn't Lester anymore. Plus it's a horrible name.

"It's Apollo."

She kindly refrained from commenting on my name, for which I was very thankful. Don't get my wrong, I liked my name, but it's just a bit unusual for a modern teenager to be named that. And I wasn't in the mood for impressing people with my godly essence. I was in the mood for tea. I pretended to blow air at the tea before taking another sip.

Anne, still pretending like it was perfectly normal to name your newborn after the ancient god of the sun, looked me up an down.

"So, Apollo, mind telling me what a kid like you is doing in a dumpster, bruised up and wrapped in a bedsheet?"

Excuse me? Did Anne just call my toga a bedsheet? Rude. Sure, it was a bit out of style, but I'll have to let you know that it's still considered to be very classy. Ok, honestly it was mainly Zeus who insisted on it when you were meeting with him. Something about the good old days. But still, I liked it. It was very comfortable.

"It's not a bedsheet." I grumbled.

The creases around her eyes crinkled as she let out a laugh. "What's it then, Honey?"

"It's a toga." I said weakly, wishing I had kept my mouth shut. Honestly, she must think I'm a lunatic. Eventhough that's clearly my sister's job. Get it? Lunatic? Because of the moon? I'm sorry. I'll stop now.

Anne snorted in amusement. "You're certainly sticking to the theme. So, dumpster? Toga? Bruises?"

Oh no. See, it's pretty hard to explain something when you don't have any clue what's going on yourself. I briefly considered jumping out the window to escape this conversation, but ultimately decided against it. Probably not a smart idea if you have no idea how far your godly powers have been dulled. I would prefer not to crawl through New York with a broken leg or two, if I could avoid it. Also, that would reduce my chances of getting anymore tea to zero.

Stalling, I took another gulp of tea, deeming it to be cold enough for it to be inconspicious.

"I took part in a threatre play. On my way back, I stumbled and fell into the dumpster." I said confidently. There was no way she would see through the lie.

"Into a dumpster that high? And nothing to soften your fall but your face?" She raised an eyebrow at me. Yeah, forget I ever said anything.

"Exceptionally bad luck." I tried weakly.

She sighed. "Listen, I don't want to pressure you into saying anything. But I had a son, around your age. Around your age. The sweetest boy." She hesitated, searching my face for something. I didn't know what she was searching for, but she seemed to have found it, continueing quietly. "His father died when he was young. When he was 10, I met a new man. They never got along. At first, my son would be rude to him, ignoring him outright or backtalking constantly. Then, he suddenly stopped. It should've been warning enough, but I... I was just so happy for the quiet. I didn't notice how my son seemed to avoid Duncan, how quiet my boy got as soon as he entered the room. I was in love, but I should've noticed that something was off. One day, I came home and my son was... gone." She stopped, closing her eyes and breathing heavily.

I felt terrifyingly out of my depths. Should I comfort her? How do you do that? Even after a few months as a human, that was something that I just couldn't figure out. Gods didn't comfort each other.

She put me out of my misery by staring to speak again, watching me closely. "He ran away, took nothing but a backpack with him. I don't know where he is. If he is alright. If he is even still... I don't know. He left a note, under his bed, where he knew my ex boyfriend wouldn't find it. Saying that he couldn't stand the abuse anymore, that he had to go. My ex-boyfriend hit him and threatened to hurt me if he told anyone. And my son believed him. That stupid, kind boy. I sent out a search party for him that day, but he was just... gone. Not a trace. Believe me, I almost killed that man. The man who hurt my kid for so long without me even noticing." A tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away, but a new one followed. And then another. And another.

I avoided looking her in the eyes by turning to the window, giving her the opportunity to gather herself. It had turned dark outside and I could see my reflection in the glass.
To put it nicely, I looked like I had freshly crawled out of the tartarus. The entire side of my face was bruised, while Ichor still clung to my skin where it hadn't been wiped away entirely. Anne must've cleaned my face a bit while I was asleep. Golden lines formed patterns on my skin that resembled lightning, covering my head and descending down under what skin was covered by the blanket that I had wrapped around myself. It wasn't very painful, but enough for it to be hard to ignore.

The thing with injuries caused by other gods were that they were harder to heal the mightier the other god was. When we hurt each other, a fraction of our power went into the wound of the other person and stayed there for a bit. You know, because being injured wasn't enough. No, there also had to be a little bit of foreign power that itched terribly.

I wondered what Anne saw through the mist. She obviously wasn't clear sighted or she would've mentioned the fact that the blood on my face was golden instead of the typical red.

"What I want to say is that I'd give all I have just for someone to look out for him where ever he is. But I can't, so all I can do in the meantime is help people, pour something positive into this world and hope that it spreads and reaches him one day. And now there's a boy in the dumpster behind my flat, bruised and bloody. What is this meeting, if not a sign from god? You understand me? If there's anything I can do to help you, I will. No questions asked, Honey."

I choked up, barely pressing out a 'thank you'. While I wasn't sure if it was a sign from the god she had in mind, it was still the nicest thing someone had said to me in a long time. Ever since I was back on the olymp, the atmosphere had grown more and more tense, thanks to Zeus' moodiness. It wasn't that much of a surprise that he exploded, I knew it would happen rather sooner than later. I just hadn't expected it to hurt quite that much.

We sat in comfortable silence for a bit, the day slowly ceasing to night. Artemis must be preparing her moon chariot right about now. I wondered if she knew what had happened yet. I couldn't imagine she would take it kindly, but she wouldn't dare speak out against Zeus either. I couldn't blame her. She and Zeus didn't get along exactly, but Zeus had some kind of respect of her that for me, he'd lost long ago.
She wouldn't risk her relative peace by turning against him, of that I was sure.

The sound of the doorbell ringing ripped me out of my thoughts.

Anne looked at me apologetically. "Oh no! I forgot that my neighbour wanted to drop by today. We wanted to discuss our contribution to a community event next month... Is it okay with you if she joins us for a bit? She has gone to much trouble to clear her schedule today, you see? She has a little baby and had to arrange a baby sitter."

I nodded. While I didn't exactly feel comfortable with being seen in this state, wrapped in a blanket sitting in a strangers kitchen, I couldn't very well say no to her after she had taken me inside. I liked to think that during my time as a mortal I had learned not to be a total prick and to swallow my pride every once in a while.

The woman smiled at me encouragingly and went to open the door.

I could hear their muffled voices as they greeted each other, laughing at something that I didn't hear. I prepared myself for imminent embarrassement. Really, I should've been used to it after the months I spent as a mortal, but I wasn't. I was half tempted to use my powers to put some clothing on, but it would've been hard to explain to Anne. Since when did I care about such things as explaining something to mortals? Oh, right. Since my time of being one.

Oh, great. Now they were moving. Say goodbye dignity.

As the voices grew closer, I couldn't shake the feeling that the newcomers voice sounded familiar. And the feeling that I should definitely know who it was. Maybe a doctor? A nurse? A musician?
I didn't have the time to think about it too hardly, as seconds later, the woman entered the kitchen.

She stopped so abruptly that Anne almost ran into her.
"Apollo?!", she gasped.

I smiled weakly at Sally Jackson.