Chapter Text
Dick didn’t know when it started exactly, the urge to bleed, to feel something other than this all-consuming numbness that never seemed to go away. He couldn’t handle it anymore. He wonders what happened to the kid he once knew, the Robin he used to be, the Robin who spent his days flipping off chandeliers and playing with prefixed words. He wondered if he’d ever find that boy again. Now he’s just an empty shell of what used to be.
Currently, the 13 year old was sitting on the floor in his barely-used room in the mountain. Most of the team was out in the common area, but he couldn’t bring himself to join them. He was too hollow, too broken, too damaged. He couldn’t enjoy his time with his friends and teammates. He didn’t deserve it.
His self deprecating thoughts were interrupted by a phone call. Who would be calling him at nine o’clock on a Tuesday? He looks at the caller ID and his stomach immediately drops. Bruce would know he’d been crying the second he answered the phone. His father was excellent at reading the resident Robin like a book. After contemplating for a few seconds, Dick decides to answer the call so his adoptive father wouldn’t worry too much.
“H-Hey B. What’s up?” He said, cursing himself for the slight stutter in his voice. Bruce definitely noticed that.
“Are you crying, Dick? I was just calling to check up on you before I went out on patrol, but if your not doing alright I can come pick you up,” Bruce answered. Robin loved that his dad was willing to drop everything for him, he really did, but now it made him feel horribly guilty.
“No, I’m… I’m alright, totally feeling the aster,” Dick replied with a chuckle.
“Now you’re lying and deflecting. What’s going on, chum?” Of course Bruce noticed the lie immediately. When did he not? Still, Robin tried his best to change the topic.
“Nothings wrong Bruceee,” he said in a playful tone. “Has anything happened while I’m gone?”
“Your attempting to change the subject. I need you to be truthful. Are you okay?”
“Physically or Mentally?” Robin joked half heartedly.
“Both.”
“I’m in peak physical condition B, a little sore from training but otherwise alright,” the boy stated as if he were giving a status report on a mission.
“And mentally?”
Robin was quiet for the next few moments. He desperately wanted to lie and pretend everything’s okay. He’d been doin that for years now, always smiling and joking around. It was an act to keep B and his friends from worrying. However, if he were left alone, he didn’t know if he’d make it through the night. He was scared and hurting. He knew suicidal ideations were nothing to scoff at, and he should definitely talk to someone about them. He decided he needed to be brave; he needed to tell Bruce what was going on no matter how scared he was. He needed help and was having a hell of a time admitting it, but he can do this.
“To be honest, I’m not doing good, B.”
“Okay,” B answered simply. “I need you to rate your headspace for me, 1 being the happiest you’ve ever been and 10 being a mental health crisis. Be honest with me.”
The question when it came made Bruce’s stomach drop, face visibly paling, but Dick didn’t need to know that.
“What counts as a mental health crisis?” Robin honestly wasn’t sure.
“Anything involving thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else, as well as behaviors that prevent you from functioning as you normally would.” B explained hesitantly.
“I…I think I might b-be at a 10, Bruce.”
“Thank you for being honest with me. I need you to go find Dinah or one of your teammates and sit with them until I get to the mountain. You are not to go anywhere by yourself, understand?”
“I… I don’t know… I can’t-,” he was hyperventilating now, well on his way to panic attack, and Bruce mentally cursed. He was trying not to upset the kid.
“Dickie, listen to me. There’s no ‘this’ to do. Find one of your friends and just stay with them while I get there. You don’t have to tell them anything you don’t want to. They’re your friends; I promise they’ll understand. If you want you can just put them on the phone and I’ll tell them no more than necessary. Just that they shouldn’t leave you alone right now, that’s it.”
“Then…Then they’ll k-know something’s wrong. I d-don’t want to seem weak or any-anything.”
“Asking for help is the strongest thing you could have done. Just talking to me makes you stronger than you’d ever know. No one will think your weak, and if they do, they’ll face the wrath of Batman, okay?”
“Okay,” Dick agrees eventually.
“Just hand the phone to whoever you decide to stay with. I’ll be there to pick you soon. The zetas are down but I’m taking the Batmobile and I promise I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Kay”
Dick grabbed his sunglasses and walked straight to Wally’s room. He didn’t bother knocking because the red head promised he could come in at any time of day. Currently Wally and Artemis was sitting on Wally’s futon. Robin wormed his way in between the two.
“You okay Robbie?” KF asked, worry lacing his tone.
The boy just sniffled and handed his friend the phone.
Artemis wrapped her arm around the boy wonder’s shoulder and pulled him close. Dick practically melted into the touch, grateful that she wasn’t asking questions. Wally was still talking to Batman when he finally pulled away from Artemis, knowing she didn’t like much physical contact. A few seconds later Wally hung up and pulled his best friend into a bone crushing hug.
“You gonna tell me what’s wrong?” KF asked.
Robin stayed silent.
“I can leave if you need me to boy blunder,” Artemis offered. Dick chuckled slightly at the nickname. It put him in a slightly better mood. He shook his head.
“Y-you can stay. Just… Just promise me none of this will leave Wally’s room.”
“I promise,” she said. She meant it.
“B… B says I’m in a m-mental h-health crisis and that I c-can’t be… be alone right now,” he said after a moment. Artemis paled slightly as she grabbed Robins hand, thumb rubbing circles in a comforting motion.
“Oh Robbie. Tell me what’s going on. I know you’ll feel better after talking to someone,” Wally soothed.
“B-Batman said a crisis was- was when you have th-thoughts of hurting y-you or something and- and I get those all the time. It-It’s been that way years and- and I never t-told anyone cause I was s-scared and Bru-Batman asked me if I was o-okay and I tried to brush him off but-but he asked me to be h-honest with him, and-and I’m so tired of hiding things but I don’t t-think he knows I’ve hurt-hurt myself before and I’m scared he’ll take a-away Robin from me, or- or kick me out and… and-.” Dick was a sobbing stuttering mess, but his friends understood every word. Artemis squeezed his hand tighter, Wally pulled him a little closer.
“Shh, you’re okay Robbie. B-Man would never kick you out. Ever. I’m not gonna lie to you and say he won’t take away Robin, but I can promise you it won’t be forever. He just wants to keep you safe and alive.”
“But… but what if I don’t want to stay a-alive. What happens then?”
“Then we keep you safe until you do,” a new voice said softly.
Dick was so caught up in his emotions that he didn’t hear SB arrive. He forgot about his super hearing.
“Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to Kaldur or M’gann,” Conner said as he snatched Robin away from Wally and gave him one of his famously tight hugs. Robin once said that a hug from Superboy was one of the most grounding things in the world. Since then, Conner made sure he gave the youngest member of the team hugs more often.
“Thanks, SB,” the boy mumbled quietly, visibly calming down.
Conner sat on the futon, and Wally and Artemis grabbed each of Dick’s hands, squeezing them tightly.
Batman showed up less than a half an hour later, and hugged his son tightly before leading him to the Batmobile. For the first time in years, Robin thought that maybe, just maybe, things will turn out alright.