Chapter Text
The universe hated Odysseus, that much was clear.
From Polites dying to being trapped on Calypso’s island, the gods were out to get Odysseus.
Odysseus just wanted to go home. Be with his wife and son.
But he couldn’t. He was trapped with a goddess on an island, and couldn’t leave. She wouldn't let him go no matter how much he begged and pleaded.
He missed his wife and his son. Yet he would never see them again.
At least that’s what he thought until a giant portal appeared before him and sucked him inside!
Odysseus landed on a solid surface, and guess who was in front of him? Achilles and Patroclus in all their holy gayness. Other people were there as well, Diomedes, both the Ajaxs, Agamemnon, Menelaus, and his wife.
Wait…
Odysseus had to do a double take. Was that really Penelope!?
And— hold on a second, who was that behind his dear wife? HECTOR!?
“Hold on a minute-” Odysseus said, thinking out loud, “How the mother fucking fuck are half of you here? YOU'RE DEAD!”
“Bitch, you think we have any clue,” Agamemnon asked, “Motherfucker, aren’t you supposed to be the smart one?”
“Well maybe after having like my entire crew die and practically being tortured by an immortal goddess and her hallucinations, you can say I’m a little on edge right now
about whether or not this is real!”
“How the fuck do you keep ending up in situations like that?!” Achilles shouted, “Do you enjoy suffering or something!?”
“All of you shut the actual fuck up someone is walking towards us,” Hector stated.
“Whatever…” Agamemnon muttered, “Damn Trojan.”
“EXCUSE YOU!?” Hector yelled, infuriated, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ‘damn Trojan’!? YOU GREEKS ARE THE ONES WHO TOOK OUR WOMEN AS SLAVES, THREW OUR CHILDREN OFF WALLS, KILLED THE MEN, AND BURNT MY CITY TO THE GROUND! YET YOU THINK THE TROJANS ARE IN THE WRONG!? YOU THINK YOU HAVE ANY RIGHT TO USE BEING TROJAN AS AN INSULT!?”
Hector was breathing heavily now, enraged and saddened, and Odysseus felt sympathy for the guy.
Also now the guy Hector was talking about was now there, staring at the group like they were psychos.
“Uhm, excuse me, but you all can’t be wearing that on campus,” The guy said, pointing out their weird clothes.
“Who are you to tell me what I can’t be wearing!?” Menelaus asked, utterly offended.
The guy rolled his eyes and then pointed to Odysseus, “And how can you even afford to come to this school? You look homeless.”
Oh yeah, I look like shit
, Odysseus reminded himself.
“Excuse you, who do you think you are? Saying my husband looks homeless, I’ll fucking bitchslap you into tomorrow you bitch—” Penelope yelled.
“Oh please you ain’t gonna do shit—”
Odysseus sighed, this was gonna be a long day.