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The second Leon had gotten home from work, his knees just about collapsed from underneath him. He forced himself to keep walking, to keep his composure until he made it through the back porch door- but the second his shoes were off and his bag was discarded beside him, Leon practically threw himself against the wall.
He slid down onto his haunches with a loud, heavy sigh, letting his head rest against the drywall for some sense of relief.
All Leon could focus on in that moment was breathing. He tried to keep the steady rise-and-fall of his chest even, repeating that same ‘In for three, hold for five, out for three’ method in his brain over and over again- but to no avail. His head felt heavy and foggy, like he was drowning in his own stress, and trying to even his breathing was just inviting yet another small voice inside to clog up his brain and overwhelm his senses.
For a good solid few seconds, Leon just sat there. Instinctively listening out for any small disturbance or out of place noise, lest he be ambushed like a sitting duck in his own home. Yet that didn’t happen. All that happened was Leon just about fell asleep to the methodical ticking of his clock above the living room couches.
To say Leon was stressed was an understatement.
It was one thing to be sent out on missions and be thrown head-first into the most mind-numbing manmade horrors imaginable for a measly paycheck, because with that, at least, Leon could prepare mentally for it. But it was an entirely other thing to be teased and thrown around like a dog.
The entire day was one big ‘ What if?’ Scenario; A group of arms dealers were suspected to be dealing with Bioweapons of some kind, but there wasn’t enough proof to send a search party to arrest them. And by ‘Search Party’, the DSO usually meant Leon.
He tried getting a straight answer out of somebody the entire day- he just wanted to know if he had to prepare for another mission or not. But of course, nobody would tell him.
So he just had to sit there and take it. Listening to all the horrific scenarios he could potentially be facing with no say in whether or not he’d be made to go or not.
And after all was said-and-done, he was told to just… Go home. Act completely normal. Like nothing had ever happened.
Leon hung his head and sighed; burying the heels of his palms into his eyes. Everything hurt. Not physically, but sometimes he wished it did. At least then he wouldn’t have to be stuck in his own brain.
After a few moments of nothing but silence, Leon forced himself up onto his feet. Grumbling nonsense to himself, he stripped his jacket off and threw it over the coat rack, making his way to the kitchen countertop only to lean his tired head against it once more.
Leons eyes instinctively drew to the freezer that sat lonely in the corner, and by habit, he was already thinking about how nice a cold beer would be right about now. But he restrained himself.
Leon was trying his best to break his regular drinking habits; coming home from work only to immediately pass out might’ve worked a year ago, but the effects it had on his health- mental and physical- were slowly becoming more apparent. Besides, even if he didn’t care about the state of his body, Leon had more responsibility now.
He had somebody who cared for him. Who wanted to see him become better. And Leon wasn’t about to start letting that person down just because he was a little stressed.
The blonde groaned and rolled his head to the side, eyeing up the back porch languidly. It looked nice outside; the sky was a clear, dusty pink and the sun had already started to set above the rolling mountain line that framed the large, sweeping city just below his patio. It was picturesque, and something a past Leon from many-a years ago would have ogled at for hours. But now, all Leon could do was feel neutral at the sight. He’d seen enough reddened sunsets from every country imaginable to bother caring about his own.
Still, some fresh air would probably help his brain-dead mind, he figured.
‘ I wonder if Luis still has a packet of cigarettes lying around…’
Leon forced himself to stand back up and rummage through side-table baskets until he found what he was looking for; a packet of Marlboros with his boyfriends name scribbled in marker on the front.
‘ I’m sure Luis won’t mind if I steal a couple’, he thought to himself as he fiddled with the cardboard opening until two slipped out into his palm.
Leon used to absolutely despise smoking; he vowed he would never do it in a million years, and curled his lips at the mere smell of a lit cigarette. He used to deny smoke-breaks left and right during his military training like his life depended on it, and made pretty obvious coughing noises every time somebody decided to light one up too close to his own tent.
And then Luis Serra Navarro walked into his life.
Leon remembered how the first thing he’d ever said to the guy- no, second, actually- was a snarky remark about his smoking habits. ‘Those things’ll kill you, y’know?’
And that sentiment only followed him the more and more time they spent together. Whenever the two of them were alone- most likely hiding in some rat-infested basement- Luis would, without fail, pull a cigarette seemingly out of nowhere. And without fail, he always offered Leon one. Never in an insistent way, just… Offering.
And Leon would be lying if he said he didn’t find his newfound partner smoking at least a little attractive. Something he never thought he’d find himself admitting.
Watching the way Luis would lean against the wall and bring his cigarette to his pretty lips with those damned ringed fingers of his would make Leon weak in the knees every single time.
‘ That feels like forever ago..’
Leon huffed to himself, shoving his sliding screen door open before practically collapsing over the bars of his patio. He was barely even focusing on the view as his mind’s stress was instead replaced with warm, familiar memories of his time spent with Luis.
Some of them were good, some of them were bad; an example of a bad one being when he was forced to watch Luis cough up his own blood on his hand-and-knees, with Krauser's knife embedded so far deep into his spine Leon was almost convinced he wouldn’t make it.
But some of them- most of them, actually- were good.
He remembered the first morning after Leon had bought Luis home from Spain- How he had attempted to make his new friend a nice breakfast as a weird apology for… Well, everything. He remembered their first kiss, their first night sleeping together- And as Leon continued to just roll the Marlboros between his fingers, not even bothering to bring them up to his lips- He remembered the first time Luis was able to smoke since his injury. And how even though he shouldn’t have encouraged it, he still went out and bought Luis a brand-new packet of cigarettes just for the occasion as a gift.
Leon used to despise the smell of cigarette smoke. Now it’s his favourite.
“ Oye, enjoying the sunset without me, are we, eh?”
Leon didn't even bother to turn around and face the voice from behind him. He already knew Luis had crept up from behind by the sound of his shoes against the ceramic of the porch. Leon just smiled and huffed a laugh through his nose.
“Yeah. Something like that.”
The blonde felt a pair of familiar hands slip around his waist, followed by Luis’ chest pressed up against his shoulder blades. The action was warm, and comforting- reminiscent of waking up with a blanket you never put on yourself, or lying in a bed that you never fell asleep in. Leon felt his partners long, dark hair tickle the sides of his face as Luis leaned into his ears to whisper;
“ So you’ve finally stolen my cigarettes”
“Sorry,” Leon shot him a smile he probably couldn’t see, “I only took a couple. I didn’t think you’d mind”
“Of course I don’t, Mí amor,” Luis pressed warm, open-mouthed kisses to the side of Leon’s neck, causing him to shudder.
“I’m just surprised. I thought you hated smoking”
“I do”
“So what’s the special occasion?”
Leon tried to laugh dismissively, but it came out more like a half-sigh as his gaze was fixated on the Marlboros in his hand. They looked foreign inbetween his fingers.
“I wish there was one…” Leon sighed wistfully.
“But no. I’m just stressed out from work. That’s all, love”
Leon expected Luis to pry further, maybe even reprimand his hypocrisy or throw a couple jabs his way- But neither of those things happened. Instead, one of Luis’ hands left his waist to rub up-and-down his back soothingly.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
Leon paused for a moment, considering his question; On one hand, he almost never passed up the opportunity to complain about his job. It usually helped to have somebody on his side to complain alongside with- But realistically, the pair of them would probably be there all night if Leon were to explain everything that’d gone down that day. So he instead opted to shake his head in response.
And, besides, when was he going to get a peaceful moment like this with Luis again?
“No, I’m alright, Luis,” Leon turned his body around to press a kiss to his partner's lips.
“Thank you for the offer, though. You’re too kind”
“Es lo menos que puedo hacer,”
Luis smiled, keeping his hand on Leon’s waist as he made his way to the edge of their porch, leaning against the railings on his elbows as he looked out at the horizon with a small smile.
Leon was at a loss for words looking at his partner; He was beautiful in every way a human being could be. So wholly real and vulnerable it almost made the blonde believe he was looking at a painting.
Luis’ hair was gently ruffled in the light breeze, framing each and every one of his beautiful, angular features in a picturesque scene. His skin was aglow in a warm bronze color as the sun lay just perfectly low enough in the sky for the reflection to catch off of Luis’ long eyelashes, casting shadows across his cheeks and soft smile.
Leon just stood there for a few moments; the sounds of cars beneath them and the charming view seemed to melt away in the back of his mind, being replaced entirely by Luis.
The image in front of him was almost dream-like, it was so perfect. Leon was the first to break the silence and smile, throwing all caution to the wind as he spoke;
“You’re so beautiful like this, Luis”
Luis’ gaze broke from the horizon as he blinked at Leon was a little ‘ hmm?’, cocking his head before breaking out in his own toothy grin.
“ Gracias, cariño, I also like to think I’m rather handsome”
Leon just shook his head and laughed at the poor joke, meanwhile Luis gave him a smug, victorious grin. The blonde shuffled his feet over just slightly to rest his body weight against Luis’ side, sighing softly as he watched the sun slowly dip behind the mountain line.
“You still haven’t lit your cigarettes,” Luis chuckled, “Are they just there for decoration or something?”
“I’ll light them!” Leon shot back in defense, his tone playful as he scrambled to readjust the cigarettes in hand. Truth be told, Leon had actually forgotten all about them until now. He continued to grumble to himself as he searched his jacket pockets,
“ Just gimmie a second, I need a lighter…”
Leon was too preoccupied with searching every pocket on his jacket to even notice that Luis had already pulled out a cigarette of his own; sticking it between his teeth and lighting it languidly with one hand with his ever-iconic Umbrella lighter (That Leon had grown to be surprisingly fond of), before sneaking his lighter back into the pocket of his jeans to be hidden. And even though Leon couldn’t see it, he had a big, smug smirk plastered on his face.
“Need a hand, muñeco?”
Leon whipped his head around to face Luis, whose smirk only grew as the cogs in Leon’s brain turned to figure out what he had done.
“Oh, you bastard..”
“You missing your lighter or something?” Luis continued to tease through his teeth, bobbing his cigarette up and down just to rub it in further.
Leon scoffed and gave his arm a gentle shove, trying to look as grumpy as possible. “Unlike some people, I don’t always have one on hand…”
Once again resigning to his fate of under-his-breath mumbles, Leon grumpily fiddled with the Marlboros in his hands until they finally sat in his mouth awkwardly. Leon was suddenly extremely self-conscious of his position next to Luis;
Was it obvious he’d only ever smoked maybe twice in his life? Was he supposed to hold them between his teeth like he was? Or should he be pursing them against his lips? Did he look stupid? God, he probably looked stupid-
“Here,”
Luis broke through the silence of Leon’s flustered mind to cup the sides of his face with his hands, bringing Leon in close enough for their noses to almost be touching. Before the blonde could even process what was going on, Luis had pressed the bud of his cigarette against Leon’s, waiting patiently for his to light up.
All Leon could do was hum and watch the tip light aglow, letting his eyes hood over as he did not dare to look Luis in the eyes. The brunette, in return, covered their faces from the wind with his hand, casting a warm glow in the darkness across their lips.
Once his cigarette had been properly lightened, Leon just let it hang against his lips for a moment, not wanting their close proximity to be broken. He looked up at Luis through his eyelashes; eyelids hooded over as his partner gave him a soft smile, before whispering;
“ There ya go, Sanchito….”
Luis’ thumb ran across Leon’s cheek for a moment before he slipped it away, giving the blonde one final smile as he took a deep breath of his own cigarette.
Leon broke his gaze and turned to look back at the sunset, awkwardly pressing the tip of his tongue against the end of the Marlboro in his mouth as he prayed Luis wouldn’t catch onto his inexperience.
Luis, however, noticed almost immediately, and gently cupped Leon’s chin inbetween two fingers.
“ Just take a deep breath, Mí amor..”
Leon silently obliged, almost whimpering at the softness of his partner's words.
He probably could have figured it out on his own; but he secretly enjoyed being babied by Luis like this.
Leon took a deep drag and watched the bud of his cigarette light up before he had to exhale into the cold, crisp evening air; coughing a little as he did. Luis chuckled.
“Sorry,”
Leon smiled, giving his chest a couple hard pats to get the coughs out.
“I, um, haven’t smoked in a while…”
“No kidding,” Luis said through his cigarette, flashing his teeth at him in a grin before taking it out of his mouth with just his fingers. Leon watched with an almost dream-like hazy expression as Luis tilted his head back, blowing smoke into the evening sky as his adams apple bobbed tantalizingly.
“It seems to be working, at least”
“Yeah.” Leon nodded dumbly. He couldn’t tell if it was the cigarette, calm atmosphere or Luis that was washing away the days stress off of his skin but it felt heavenly either way.
The pair of them stayed silent for a long while. Watching the sun sink further down into the horizon, casting the sky in a wobbly, yellow and pink glow. Leon smiled to himself, resting his head against Luis’ shoulder as he took another drag. If it wasn’t for his partner, he probably wouldn’t have enjoyed the sunset as much as he was.
“You say you haven’t smoked in a while,” Luis broke the silence, turning to cock his head curiously at Leon.
“Did you used to?”
Leon shook his head in response, feeling rather sleepy.
“Nope. I tried not to make a habit of it, y’know?”
Luis chuckled at the dry joke before the blonde continued,
“What about you? Have you always smoked? Y’know, if you don’t mind me asking, of course…”
“¡No no! Está bien, está bien…” Luis shook his head rapidly, taking the cigarette out of his mouth to speak a little clearer.
“I picked up the habit when I first left Valdelobos. One of the first things I did when I turned eighteen, actually,” The brunette chuckled to himself, looking off into the distance as if he was remembering a fond memory.
“I strolled into my local Tienda de licores and bought a packet all by myself with my own hard-earned money,” Luis puffed his chest out a little to imitate his past self,
“I was sooooo proud of myself, too. I thought I was so asombroso”
“Now look at you,” Leon smiled impishly, bumping his hips against the other man’s with a playful sway.
“Old habits die hard, eh?”
Luis just shook his head disapprovingly before taking another drag, letting the smoke blow away in the breeze with a languid smile.
“Oh, trust me, Sancho. I had a lot worse habits I could still be carrying with me from when I was younger than just smoking”
Leon (unintentionally) bit his lip at the mental image that appeared in his brain;
He’d only been privy to photos of a much younger, baby-faced Luis from his days as an Umbrella scientist through coffee-stained photographs buried deep beneath his drawers- And, although he never wanted to pry, Leon was desperate for a better picture of what Luis might’ve been like in his early twenties. Although it never seemed like the right time to ask.
“I would’ve loved to see what you were like back then, vices and all” Leon commented after a moment of silence, trying not to seem too obvious. But his body felt so tired and his brain felt so foggy it was hard to keep his composure; especially when he felt the rumble of Luis’ laugh against his side, instinctively burying his head further into the crook of his partner's shoulder at the feeling.
“I’m afraid you would’ve been sorely disappointed, Sancho. I wasn’t half the man I am now back then”
“I don’t care,” Leon mumbled sleepily against the fabric of his shirt, “I would’ve fallen head-over-heels for you anyways. Were you very pretty back then? Or were you just as awkward as I was?”
“I liked to think I was pretty,”
Luis smiled through his cigarette, reminding Leon to take another drag before his own burns out.
“I got around quite a lot, at least. Men and women. Whoever let me in their bed”
“It wouldn’t have taken me much convincing to get me in your bed”
Leon barked a laugh, finding the mental image of his younger, much less confident self next to Ladies-Man-Luis to be incredibly amusing.
“I think about that sometimes, y’know. What would we have been like if we’d met earlier”
“You and I both, guapo,” Luis rested his head atop of Leon’s.
“We would’ve met through work, I imagine. Maybe the RPD had a little meet-the-scientists day or something. Maybe at the station, or maybe at a bar, ¿sabes?”
“A bar sounds nice. I hardly ever drank back then”
“Sí, we meet at a bar, then. I would’ve tried Oh-so hard to impress you. I’d be pulling all my strings to try and get your attention”
“I can’t imagine a prestigious scientist such as yourself would’ve been very interested in a Rookie like me”
Leon said, but not in a self-deprecating way. His tone was matter-of-fact; He never spoke very highly of his past self. He was naive and it cost him too much. Yet, Luis waved him him off with his free hand and scoffed,
“Nah, I would’ve spotted you from across the room in a heartbeat. I was such a sucker for pretty men-“
“You still are”
“I’m choosing to ignore that. Anyways, I would’ve done anything to catch your eye. I would’ve paid for our drinks and invited you back up to my room before the night was even young”
“I was horrible at talking back then, I probably would’ve been such an idiot. Stumbling over my feet like crazy”
“I would’ve found it endearing,” Luis smiled, kissing the crown of Leon’s head.
“Then I would have invited you over for dinner the next day-“
“Breakfast,” Leon cut in, offering his own suggestion to their little play of make-believe.
“I was a massive breakfast guy- I am a massive breakfast guy, I should say. I wouldn’t wanna wait until the evening to go out with you”
“El desayuno es. What would you order?”
“Eggs and bacon, probably. Something basic. I wouldn’t even wait until we’d leave the cafe before I ask you out on a proper date”
“And where would we be going, mí caballero?”
“Prolly to the lake or something. Or maybe downtown. I dunno. Somewhere basic. I liked that kind of domestic shit. I would’ve asked you out date after date after date, too; And I’d be so awkward each and every one that you’d most likely do all of the talking.
Then eventually one of us would finally break and ask the other if they wanna start dating properly”
“By the sounds of it, that’d probably be me” Luis grinned wolfishly. Leon stuck his tongue out at him,
“Y’know what? Yeah, probably. I never dated anyone up until that point, so I would be an absolute awkward, dorky, fumbling mess every single time I’d try to start anything with you”
Leon was too busy rambling on about his hypothetical scenario to even notice that Luis had placed a gentle, feather-soft hand against his own; running his thumbs across the blondes knuckles so gently, as if he was made of glass. Then, he turned to Leon, his eyes full of something genuine as he whispered;
“ I would’ve taken care of you either way”
Leon was so taken aback by the sudden change in tone, he didn’t know how to respond at first. He let his heartbeat slow down before responding,
“ Would you, really?”
“Mmmhmmm,”
Luis nodded.
“I would’ve been gentle with you. I would’ve made sure you were feeling comfortable and safe before all else”
Something about that hypothetical scenario- the image in his brain- made Leon feel… almost weak in the knees. Not even in a sexual way; his chest squeezed with a familiar yet painful sense of nostalgia as he stared into Luis dark, handsome eyes, figuring out how to respond.
When no words came out of Leon’s mouth, Luis took that as an opportunity to snag another drag from his cigarette; breathing in heavily as he looked down at it through long eyelashes, he was just about to exhale the smoke into the cool evening breeze before Leon slipped a hand up the side of his face. He turned Luis’ head so that he was facing him, and leaned up almost onto his tippy-toes to bring their faces even closer together.
When Luis couldn’t hold his breath for much longer, he was forced to exhale the smoke against Leon’s lips; who, in response, closed the gap between them with a kiss, effectively locking the cigarette smoke between them.
No more words needed to be shared between the two of them as they just stood there, kissing like it was their final minute alive; Leon’s own Marlboro long-discarded on the porch floor to be forgotten for the foreseeable future.
All Leon could focus on in that moment was Luis. And how unabashedly, unashamedly he smelt like cigarettes.
But so did Leon.
If you’d asked Leon two years ago if he’d ever kiss somebody who smoked; his answer would’ve been a very quick, very curt no. The idea disgusted him back then- But now, all he wanted was more.
The smell of cigarette smoke felt more like home to him than his own pillowcase did. The taste of Luis’ tongue became more and more warm and inviting and familiar the closer the pair of them got, and Leon savored that taste every single time they kissed like this.
Leon was the first to break away- panting a little as he tried to catch his breath. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. Luis just smiled in response and pulled him in for a hug.
They stayed like that for at least a couple minutes. Enjoying each others embrace as the sun’s final glow of light disappeared and invited the cold night breeze to replace its warmth.
Leon hummed contently against Luis’ chest. He had a million-and-one things to say; all of them lengthy and impossible to explain.
He thought about every and all hypothetical scenarios the two of them could have gone through. He thought about what might have happened if they had met pre-Raccoon City disaster- what may have happened if they’d met on the road, during military training, before Spain-
He thought about what might have happened if they had never met in Spain.
He thought about what might have happened if he wasn’t there for Luis when he’d gotten stabbed.
He thought about what might have happened if Luis had died that day.
He wanted to express that to Luis; but the moment felt too tender. Too fragile to break with such a heavy topic. So he decided to stay quiet. I’ll bring it up another day, he thought to himself.
Finally, Leon broke the silence between the two of them with a simple sentence;
“ I’m glad you’re here, Luis.”
He mumbled against his partner's shirt. ‘I’m glad you’re here’ was, in actuality, codeword for;
‘ I’m glad you’re still alive.’
Leon wished he could say more. He wished he could express just how deep his love for Luis truly was in just the right words; But Leon knew he didn’t need to.
Luis understood.
And Luis proved that by kissing Leon on the top of his head, smiling before whispering back;
“ I’m glad you’re here with me too, Sancho.”