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Aemond is used to feeling Luke's eyes on him, it was not uncommon for him to look up to find Luke staring at him with utter fascination and a goofy grin on his face. Most of the time Aemond snapped at him to stop staring as he felt his cheeks burn, but he suspected Luke knew he didn't really mind if the mischievous smile before kissing him was any indication.
The truth is, Aemond likes to see the absolute adoration on Luke's face, it makes him feel warm inside but it also makes him feel confused, never sure what to make of the affection so easily delivered. It's a lot, it's never enough.
This time is different from other times. Aemond has his glasses sliding down his nose and he looks down at the book on his lap trying to focus but he can feel Luke's eyes every few seconds. Try to act natural and ignore his racing heartbeat.
Not successful.
They move in together and it's an adjustment. It's no longer just a few shirts and pants in Luke's closet, a green toothbrush next to blue, or a shampoo because Luke's makes his hair fluffy instead of falling smooth.
Now they have converted the smaller guest room into a dressing room; three of Aemond's favorite paintings were hung in the drawing room alongside some of Lucerys' own paintings; they set up the second guest room to be a study/library; his cat Vhagar's bed and tree is next to Luke's pup Arrax's bed; his conditioner has made its way to take its place in the bathroom alongside half a dozen other products; all of his crockery, pots and condiments take up most of Luke's kitchen ( their kitchen) and he wakes up entwined with a warm body every night instead of 4 out of 7.
Aemond has visibly and permanently invaded Luke's home. His presence is so noticeable that his absence would leave a gap for all to see. He likes ( so much ) that he has left his mark on Luke's life in the same way that he likes seeing how much Luke loves him. It makes him feel like he's not the only one giving it his all, that he's not the only one who would be devastated if things don't work out.
With coexistence come the little things. Dating someone is a bit like faking it, you want to be impressed even when you've known each other your whole life. When living together much of the remaining layers fall, it is inevitable. No one can keep up a facade 24/7.
Much to his delight Aemond has discovered that he likes the idea that there are things about Luke he doesn't know as much as he likes knowing Luke and the little quirks he discovered when he moved in with him. Even when it's annoying things like forgetting to close the bathroom door or not sorting clothes correctly before putting them in the washing machine.
Despite that, Aemond is... apprehensive that Luke will find out the same little things about him. What if one is too much for Luke to want to continue living together? Or if Luke makes fun of something he's insecure about thinking it's a harmless joke?
Yet he can't forget that even if Aegon was the mastermind, Luke also played a part in his childhood torment, that Luke used to prefer Aegon to Aemond.
The downside of dating someone you've known since childhood, he imagine.
So there are things Aemond is keeping to himself, things he plans to never tell him even when it's ridiculous to keep this secret now. Even when allowing Luke to help him with his migraines or watch him clean his prosthetic eye should be worse.
He can only cross his fingers that the day it happens is as far away as possible.
The gods hate Aemond, he has known it for a long time but one of the proofs is that he is the only one of his brothers who needs glasses.
Aemond is 15 years old when his mother notices him squinting a little to read the subtitles on the TV and his biology teacher makes a discreet comment that Aemond had to adjust the microscope a bit in order to study the sample.
He wants to believe that one of his classmates had moved it after the teacher arranged it for everyone to take turns and that the TV is the one that needs adjusting. His mother has none of that nonsense. She herself suffers from nearsightedness like all her family and his father has started to lose his sight. It won't hurt Aemond to take the test.
It's the first time he's acted like a sullen teenager but the machine confirmed that he was nearsighted (and to a high degree at that) and his mother pointed out that it's worse if they get the wrong formula because Aemond doesn't want to cooperate.
She tries to get him to choose one of the lenses offered or to request some particular ones. His mother has custom frames with an emerald and diamond chain to hold it up that Aemond used to play with as a child and sit on her lap while she worked.
They were a bit quirky and, Grandfather said, made her look ten years older and like a vulgar secretary who didn't know what real wealth was.
Aemond chooses the simplest frame possible, refuses to try them on to see if they fit (as if it matters when he has a scar and a prosthetic eye), and when they talk about contact lenses he jumps at the opportunity.
The glasses are a flaw, a flaw visible for all to see. No one in their parental family needs them. His mother only in the privacy of the home and his grandfather only in his own home office.
Aemond has enough bullying and comments, now people are at least a little scared of him because of his scar, he doesn't want to get labeled a nerd again and bullying again.
When Grandfather finds out he seems frustrated but then softens upon hearing about the contacts Aemond knows he didn't do it all wrong because while certainly some great men manage to sell the image of intelligence with the glasses that's not the Targaryen and Aemond image he's a Targaryen, the Targaryen his mother and grandfather pin all their hopes on even when his father doesn't even see him.
As part of his plan, Aemond doesn't remove his contact lens even when it irritates his eye from continuous wearing, and he forgets which drop to use because he doesn't want Luke to see the bottle. He have chosen to keep the case with the glasses in the closed drawer of his desk along with a hand mirror, the drops, and the container for the contact lenses.
This is his room. Luke doesn't mind if he spends time here and isn't surprised when he visits every night before he goes to sleep or every morning after he gets dressed.
There have been incidents, of course. Sometimes Luke asks for the time and Aemond has to squint his one eye trying to focus the watch enough because he doesn't have his cell phone handy and he's already removed his contact lens (not once has Luke noticed anything, for which he's grateful). and the absence of the glasses causes him to struggle with his already impaired ability to measure distance, but it's nothing a little clumsiness can't explain, even when it makes him grit his teeth and take a deep breath because he's seeing something blurry and has a small headache between the eyes.
His luck runs out one night when Luke answers a call from his mother on Aemond's cell phone. His nephew knocks twice on the door before opening. Aemond jerks a little, nearly tearing off his glasses when the hand on his cheek shoots out at the sound.
"Yeah, I'll give it to you," Luke is saying. Then his eyes widen and Aemond's eye widens as well. He is hyper-aware of the weight of the glasses on the tip of his nose. He already feels his heart racing and thinks he might pass out instead of facing the shame. “You said you didn't mind if I answered your cell phone when I was Alicent" Luke finishes with a small voice, he must think that seeing him with his cell phone in his hand upset him.
"it’s okay" Aemond hears himself distant. He waits for some comment, his ears ringing with Aegon's words about how silly he looked and how he should wear a monocle because it was a waste to wear glasses when he only had one eye (an eye that doesn't even work right).
Luke just looks at him for a moment longer, smiles at him, and leaves.
It takes Aemond several seconds to focus enough to really understand what his mother is saying. He doesn't think it matters, now Luke knows.
Luke doesn't say anything. They spend that day, and the next, and the next completely normal. Once or twice he caught Luke looking at him curiously before he looked away. It makes Aemond's skin itch and his stomach twist with anxiety.
He has imagined the scenario hundreds of times, what could Luke say, what could he say. Luke staying silent is in the top 5 worst things that could happen because he can't stay silent. The cat is out of the bag and something has to happen. Has to .
It is Aemond who finally breaks. He and Luke are on the bed sharing kisses, Luke's hand moving to his shoulders and neck and Aemond's hands one buried his her hair and one firm on his waist as Luke brushes under his left eye.
He walks away from Luke as his boyfriend follows him before realizing he has no intention of continuing.
"About the other day...”
Luke opens his dark eyes and scans his face.
"Yes?" Luke looks distractedly at his eyes and his lips. His tone isn't particularly curious or condemning, just a little raspy.
Aemond loses his courage.
“Nothing. Forget it" he orders and kisses him again as if devouring Luke could forget what happened.
The next time Aemond thinks of bringing it up they are both in the living room, Luke with his feet in his lap as he squeezes into the corner of the sofa drawing something related to the show he is watching and Aemond trying to read. Aemond's eye is irritated and he has to keep reminding himself not to rub his eye to make it worse.
He's tired, he's had a long day where he's up early and he really, really wishes he'd take his contacts out, maybe close his eyes a little bit but he's been afraid to go into his study and have Luke burst in like an 'Aha' and point that Aemond was lying to him.
He peeks at Luke concentrating on the tablet in his lap and follows Luke's movement as he pushes his own glasses back onto the bridge of his nose before continuing to wave his hand.
Luke started wearing glasses at age seven. He remembers Aegon making fun of him because they made him look ugly and the snide comment that it must be the bad blood of his nephews. 7-year-old Luke had cried and Jace went a whole year without speaking to him again. 17-year-old Luke wore them as part of his hipster image. 22-year-old Luke uses them only for their intended purpose of helping him when he had to focus on something within reading distance.
Because Luke's flaw is not like his. Luke only needs the glasses in very specific circumstances, he can go all day without wearing them and not get a headache. He could even squint a bit and move on if they weren't handy with no major issues because even though he was diagnosed early, he has progressed slowly and the discomfort seems to be minimal. Aemond without his glasses is unable to see more than a meter away and to that he has to add that he has only one eye and his depth vision is seriously messed up.
They are not the same, not even close.
One of the most common scenarios is where Luke just looks at him and says “it's just glasses, Aemond” because his nephew wouldn't understand, because Aemond doesn't have the words to say it. To Luke, despite the hardship Aegon gave him, they're just glasses.
Aemond raises his hand again and lowers it. Frustration and anxiety trapped behind his teeth making him want to lash out because Luke hasn't said anything, because Luke screwed up, because Aemond wants to fight.
Instead he sighs loudly and tells himself that he will wait three minutes and go to his study. He need a break.
“Aemond…”he looks up and sees Luke biting his lip thoughtfully “are you okay?”
"Why wouldn't I be?" he asks defensively, thinking he was doing a good job of hiding his discomfort.
"It's just that you've got a red eye since you got here. Sounds like maybe you should rest your eyes a bit.”
"It's just the contact lens," he blurts out, the rest of his words pounding in his brain .' I don't usually wear them that long. I really want to put my glasses on but I don't want you to see me wear them'
(He is stopped by the memory of the one time he ever tried to talk about it. Grandfather's recommendation that he have corrective surgery. The paralyzing fear at the thought of a blade closing in on his one eye. The remote possibility that something might go wrong and will be permanently blind).
" Ah," Luke lets out looking confused. T”hat also happens to my mom. The first thing she did when she got home was to remove them and put on her glasses.”
Aemond's brain goes completely silent. It may as well have stopped working.
"Rhaenyra…does she wear glasses?"
"Yes?" Luke seems even more confused. "Since I was about 15 years old, I think."
“Ah,” Aemond says because what else is there to say?
Tentatively, not sure what caused the change and always a little scared if only able to recognize it in the back of his own head, Aemond puts his glasses back on in his study. Two days later, move the drops, contact lenses and the case to the bathroom. Almost a week later he sits down to watch a movie with Luke wearing his glasses, but only once the light is turned off and Luke is already focused on the screen.
His boyfriend glances at him briefly and his breath catches. Aemond tenses, waiting for the comment but Luke simply snuggles into his chest and grabs his hand, the frame of Luke's glasses pushing against his collarbone as he seeks to get comfortable.
Aemond pays no attention to the movie but after half an hour he is able to relax a bit.
It becomes his new normal but Luke keeps looking at him and looking away from time to time. It puts Aemond on the brink. He wishes if Luke were to say something to him he would say it right away, but he also refuses to live uncomfortably in what is supposed to be his own home so he stubbornly begins to wear his glasses more and more outside the confines of his study.
They'll get over it (or he’ll need to see a doctor for his tachycardia).
Some days are worse. Today Aemond just wants to jump out of his own skin. Every time he looks at Luke he is concentrating on his sketchbook moving a drawing pencil but Aemond can feel his eyes and can see the cheeks dusted with red. At this point Aemond would have asked (yelled) him to stop and when Luke kissed him he would push him against the nearest surface but today Aemond is wearing his glasses because he has eyestrain but didn't want to stop reading.
He thinks about going to his study, perhaps he should never have left it.
He finally can't take it anymore, it's been weeks of this. It's not normal, he wants Luke to tell him what to say so they can continue (he hopes it's nothing too horrible and he can bury it, that they don't end up breaking over some damn glasses of all things ) .
"Are you going to keep looking?" he snarls at him but the effect is ruined because he has to look at Luke over his thin silver rimmed glasses and Luke instead of acting normal just breathes deeply.
"I'm sorry… I… I need a second" he answers with a hoarse voice and gets up. To be able to laugh calmly at how silly he looks without him being more embarrassed surely.
Aemond decides that he doesn't have to put up with any of this and decides to leave before Luke returns. As he walks around the coffee table, he sees Luke's abandoned notebook…with a drawing of him reading.
Aemond's heart races and he can't help but lift it up. It's as good as all of Luke's drawings, it should be almost finished, just missing a bit of shading. As always, his boyfriend has a knack for making even the ugliest things interesting.
Aemond's glasses look almost right on his face in the drawing, they make him look distinguished. That was why Aemond chose that mount last year when he needed to change the formula again. He took his mother's advice into account the last time she accompanied him because even if no one was going to see him with them, it never made him feel better that they were at least something elegant that in theory should look good on him.
It's the first time he can really think about it.
Aemond turns the page to see what else Lucerys has drawn and finds that all the sketches are of him, of him with his glasses . Luke has been drawing it almost every time he's seen him use them, the entire notebook is devoted to the same subject.
Aemond feels warm inside and ashamed and happy and…
Luke makes a strangled noise , snapping him back to reality.
"Aemond...I..."
"Why have you been drawing me with the glasses?" Aemond asks, still feeling strange. Again it is too much and not enough. Aemond wants more but doesn't know exactly what.
"Because…" Luke scratches his neck nervously and mutters. Aemond has to ask his to repeat it “Because you look beautiful in them, okay?” beautiful, no one in their right mind would use that word with Aemond but Luke does from time to time, especially during sex “I'm sorry I didn't ask you, I should have. I just couldn't help it.” Luke looks directly into his eye and Aemond feels so seen that he can't help the pleasant shiver that runs through him. “You look so, so beautiful in the glasses and I just want…”
Luke falls silent but Aemond needs him to keep talking, he needs to know because he's also imagined a couple of scenarios, the ones that were more pleasing and yet left him feeling empty.
He can work with this, he can .
He walks over to Luke and lifts his chin until they are inches away.
"You just want what?" he asks, sounding a little strange to his own ears, "how do I look? Perhaps like a teacher who must discipline his spoiled student? Maybe you want to take off my glasses and tell me that I look beautiful natural?”
Because that's what always happens, what everyone thinks. Glasses are a flaw that hides beauty (not that Aemond has much to talk about), the real you emerges with a makeover that involves the glasses disappearing. They can be sexy but only in a very specific context and it still involves losing them.
Luke shakes his fingers looking concerned, an adorable creasing between his brows. Aemond knows he is lying, he would gladly remove Luke's glasses to better see his beautiful eyes. Or maybe that's it, maybe the glasses make it harder to see the scar and the difference between the real eye and the prosthetic eye and Luke prefers it that way despite all his reassurances and apologies.
“It's not that... it's... “Luke blushes deeply and his eyelashes flutter like butterflies trapped behind glass “It's you, Aemond. All of you I like you. Always. But with the glasses… I don't know, you make me feel things . I think you look adorable, I think they look good on you. I just like to see you and they make me want to kiss you but I always want to kiss you. So it's not… it's not necessarily a fantasy thing… or not a fantasy thing at all…”
Luke bites his lip searching for the words and it feels real because they don't know each other's answers but they still stumble and find out.
"Or maybe yes. You'd make a very sexy teacher, but I don't want to be punished I just want…I just want to kiss you. Does that make sense?” Luke asks quietly.
And no, it doesn't make any fucking sense.
Aemond kisses him anyway because Aemond wants to kiss him too and maybe it does make some sense.
It's the first time they've made out with either of them while wearing their glasses.
Aemond's glasses make his eyes, real and prosthetic, look a little bigger, they also add a certain quality to his face that makes him look more marked, attractive. Above all, Luke likes how his brows relax and his face, paradoxically, looks calmer. At least in the moments where he forgets that Luke is there and can see him.
Luke thought he knew Aemond in every facet but there's something about Aemond wearing glasses that just takes his breath away every time. It is perfect, a work of art to be adored.
He isn't sure what it is but he can see Aemond tensing every time he wears the glasses, so Luke is silent. His fingers, on the other hand, refuse to stay still and if he can't touch Aemond when he's wearing his glasses because he always looks slightly scared and about to lash out he can draw him.
And he does, almost desperate to record and immortalize it because Aemond with glasses is almost too much to bear and Luke fears that Aemond will be scared and hide again, even hurt himself, in his desire not to be seen.
It's a relief to finally be confronted, it's even better when Aemond presses their lips together because it's what Luke has always wanted and will want, what Luke will always want.
Aemond in all his forms.
Aemond, simply Aemond.
His Aemond.