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In a spaceship hangar, holding the most revolutionary ship that this universe has ever seen, Spanners and Ace sit side by side.
They are at the top of a set of metal steps, beneath them Wildfire awaits. Ace flicks his lighter open, lights his cigar and begins to smoke. Spanners glances at his watch; less than ten hours left before Ace leaves on his one-way trip through the dimensions. Less than ten hours left before Ace is gone. This time for good.
"Infinite universes. Infinite possibilities. Think of that," Spanners hums lightly.
"I've done little else, my custard tart. Some adventure, eh?" Ace grins, knocking his shoulder against Spanners'.
"Some adventure Ace, sure," Spanners finds himself agreeing.
"Something on your mind, old man?" Ace asks, taking a long drag on his cigar before offering it to his friend and Spanners accepts.
"Nothing particular," He smiles sadly, handing the cigar back again.
"I find that a tad hard to believe," Ace says, squinting in the dim light, "Now, be a good fellow and spill the metaphorical beans."
"It's daft Ace," Spanners insists.
"My Spanners thinking something 'daft'?" Ace asks, exhaling smoke and raising an eyebrow, "This I simply have to hear."
Spanners laughs softly and, at the sound, Ace smiles. He's going to miss this, come tomorrow evening. And then every evening. For the rest of his life. Yes, Ace knows he is going to miss the sound of Spanners' laughter forever.
"I was just thinking about all the other versions of you," Spanners explains, "And all the other versions of me. And I was thinking about this version of us, right here in this dimension. And then I was thinking... do you think we've found one another in every dimension?"
"Oh Spanners, old love," Ace sighs, turning to face his friend properly for the first time. If he didn't think it would embarrass the old boy too badly, Ace would like to wrap his arms around Spanners' shoulders and hold him until the uncertainty drains away. But... no. He can't be doing with that sort of thing. Not tonight. Not when he has to fly in the morning.
"Sorry Ace," Spanners says, shaking his head and smiling like he can read Ace's mind, "You're flying in the morning. You don't want to be sat here listening to my nonsense."
"On the contrary, there's no place I'd rather spend my final night in this dimension other than sat right here, beside you," Ace says, taking a final drag on his cigar, before passing it back to Spanners.
"If you say so, Ace," He replies, before putting the cigar to his lips.
"I do," Ace nods, "And in answer to your earlier question... I certainly and most sincerely hope so, my old love."
*****
In the Hologram Simulation Suite, Red Dwarf:
"You know exactly why I'm not telling you Lister!" Rimmer says, arms crossed in defiance, "Because the second you get Kochanski's disc, it'll be goodbye Arnie J."
"It won't Rimmer, I swear," Lister insists.
"Then why on Io would you want it?" Rimmer counters, nostrils flaring.
"I just..." Lister struggles for a plausible excuse, "I just miss her."
"Ask Holly to print you a photograph."
"Please Rimmer! It's not fair! Holly must've made a mistake. You shouldn't be here! In fact, I bet you that in every other universe you're not here! I bet in every other universe I get to spend the rest of my life with Kochanski! You're a just mistake!" Lister says, his voice thick with unspilt tears.
Rimmer's face flushes a deep red. He looks down at his boots. He balls his hands into tight fists. Opposite him, Lister wipes his nose with the back of his hand and sniffs. He's still too upset to consider taking back what's been said. The regret won't come until later, by which time it will be too late. Rimmer looks back up into the defiant, unapologetic face of his bunkmate.
"Well, miladdo, unfortunately you're stuck in this universe with me," Rimmer sniffs, "So perhaps you had better get used to it."
*****
At the Chicken Soup Dispenser on C Deck, Red Dwarf:
Lister leans against their trolley, a cigarette waiting to be lit in his hand, while Rimmer crouches before the machine.
"Yeah, so Kochanski was telling me about it last night. She says it's all theoretical, but apparently there's this theory that there could be infinite dimensions. Like for every decision you make, there's another dimension where you make the opposite one and then in that dimension everything is changed. Imagine that, man? Infinite dimensions, infinite possibilities..."
"Fascinating," Rimmer murmurs.
"Do you reckon that could be true though? Like maybe in other dimensions we're not just chicken soup machine repairmen... maybe in other dimensions we're space heroes..."
"Me maybe," Rimmer smirks, "You? Most definitely not."
"Maybe there's even a dimension where I'm not stuck with you," Lister scowls.
"Stop talking rot Listy and pass me that screwdriver."
*****
On a boat, somewhere in the middle of the ocean that had once been Fiji:
Arnie J pulls his cap low over his eyes. He's just discarded the sun cream bottle after lathering another layer across his bare arms, now he reaches into his vest and untucks his Saint Christopher medallion. The waves gently pull the little red boat along and Arnie closes his eyes, smiling at the sound of the sea lapping against their small ship. Behind him, Dave hauls himself up the last of the steps and beams the moment that the sun hits his bare skin: another beautiful day.
"How's it going, Captain?" He asks playfully.
"Just dandy, Skipper" Arnie replies without opening his eyes.
Dave lowers himself to sit at Arnie's side on the deck and as soon as he does a large black cat slinks over, settling herself on his lap. His fingers rake absentmindedly through her fur and she begins to purr louder than the engine. With his free hand, Dave reaches out and lets his fingers tangle up in Arnie's. He delights in the way Arnie prises his open against the sunlight, trying to turn his smile into a frown as he considers Dave.
"What's this in aid of?"
"I was just thinking about us."
"What about us?"
"Do you think we find each other in every universe?" Dave asks, making Arnie snort.
"What kind of question is that?"
"Do you?" Dave presses. Arnie stars out to sea, pretending to mull over the question carefully before letting his head fall onto Dave's shoulder.
"No," He says.
"No?" Dave repeats.
"No," Arnie confirms, "Surely nobody else could be this lucky."
Dave considers this answer. He considers the sun on his skin, the warmth of the cat pressed against his stomach, the weight of Arnie's head on his shoulder.
"You're probably right," He agrees.
*****
D Deck corridor, Z shift, Red Dwarf:
“Fascinating,” Rimmer smiles, spinning around to the sound of Lister's voice.
“Do you think we’re stuck together in every other dimension?” Lister teases, stepping nearer.
“One can only dream.”
*****
In the Drive Room, Red Dwarf:
Rimmer wipes the sweat from his forehead with the back of his sleeve. He's sweated so much that he's managed to smudge the print in the textbook he has propped up against one of the consoles. Really, repairing the drive plate should be a two-man job but trust Dave smelling Lister to get himself put into Statis right when Rimmer actually needs him. This is the first proper repair job that Rimmer has been tasked with, this could very well be the first rung on the ladder to success town... he could hardly have turned it down and given Toddhunter and the rest of his cronies another thing to laugh about. Rimmer takes a deep breath: He can do this. It's just a drive plate. He can do this... his hands tremble as he reaches for a screwdriver and sets to work.
Half an hour later, Rimmer sits back onto his heels to admire his handiwork. He laughs in delight. He's done it... he's actually done it!
Rimmer whistles as he packs his tools back into the trolley. Who needs Lister? Not Arnold J Rimmer! Today a drive plate, tomorrow the AstroNavigation exam, next week... who knows? Maybe Officer-dom awaits!
Rimmer is still whistling when he leaves. He fails to notice the four minuscule, but really very essential, screws missing from the drive plate.
*****
In the Tank, Red Dwarf:
Rimmer sits on one of the metal stools from their table while Lister stands over him. He has has a rag pressed firmly against a gash on Rimmer's left temple- the latest evidence of Rimmer's immense unpopularity with the inmates and guards alike. Lister prises it away and gives a low whistle and Rimmer keeps his eyes shut as Lister dips the rag into a mug of water and begins to wipe away the blood. He winces and recoils but Lister plants a hand on his shoulder.
"Hold still," Lister instructs.
"Sorry," Rimmer hisses.
"Look on the bright side, man," Lister smiles, "At least you didn't have any good looks to lose. Now if this was me, it'd be an absolute tragedy."
Just as Rimmer opens his eyes, in preparation for his most withering look, Lister decides to pull the rag away again. At the sight of his own blood Rimmer pales and his eyes roll. Lister grabs a handful of his jacket, catching Rimmer before he can go crashing backwards- the last thing he needs is for Rimmer to split the back of his head open just as Lister has cleaned up the front.
"Woah! Where d'you think you're going?"
"Blood," Rimmer gags and Lister, realising his mistake, shoves the offending rag into his pocket.
"Sorry guy," Lister says, "Why don't you lie down for a bit?"
Rimmer, looking decidedly sorry for himself, nods before wincing. Lister sets about pouring the bloody water down the toilet and tidying the place up when he realises Rimmer's eyes have fluttered closed.
"Wake up guy!" Lister says, "You probably have a concussion, you need to stay awake for a bit."
"But I'm tired!" Rimmer protests.
"Hey!" Lister says, reaching for a distraction as casually as possible, "Did you hear Krissie talking about dimension theory at lunch? Think of that Rimmer- Infinite possibilities..."
"Fascinating," Rimmer manages.
"We might be anything out there," Lister says, taking a seat at the foot of Rimmer's bunk, "I mean, we might be rock stars..."
"Even with infinite possibilities, my imagination cannot stretch to you being a rock star," Rimmer smiles ruefully.
"Space heroes then..."
"You're making my headache worse..."
"Or test pilots or officers... maybe you're a captain."
"That's more like it," Rimmer smiles. When he closes his eyes, Lister nudges him awake again. He lets his hand rest on Rimmer's leg.
"Maybe we're together in every dimension?" He grins.
"There are worse options, I suppose," Rimmer admits softly.
*****
D Deck corridor, Z shift, Red Dwarf:
"Fascinating," Rimmer drawls.
"Do you think we're stuck together in every other dimension?" Lister asks.
"I think that would just about sum up our collective luck."
*****
In a Pub, in an Alley, Liverpool, Earth:
“Come on Dave!”
“It’s your birthday!”
“You’ve got to come out on your birthday!”
Dave shakes his head.
“This is due in the morning,” He says, gesturing to the drawing before him, “I want to get it just right.”
“Come on Dave!”
“Your birthday only comes once a year!”
“And we’ve got the best idea!”
“What’s that then?” Dave asks, rolling his eyes.
“It’s a pub crawl!
“A themed pub crawl!”
“A monopoly themed pub crawl! We can get the train into London and then drink on every street on the board!”
“Come on Dave!”
“It’s your birthday!”
Dave considers his friends, all gathered around and looking down at him with wide, inviting grins. He must admit, it is a good idea. It sounds like the sort of night out they’ll be talking about for years… he looks back down to his drawing. It’s due in the morning and while he doesn’t want to get cocky about it, Dave thinks this could be one of the best things he’s ever drawn. He's not sure where he got the idea from. He’d picked up his oil pastels and suddenly it had just been there, on the page, almost of its own accord. Still, it’s good.
He's has drawn a red spaceship, meandering through the cosmos, alone and sort of lost looking. If you look closely enough, you can just make out a solitary figure dressed in green and staring out into the stars.
The prompt had been to draw something lonely.
He sighs as he picks up a red oil pastel- his decision made.
“Maybe next year,” He tells his friends.
*****
In an Alternative Drive Room, on an Alternative Red Dwarf:
Rimmer kneels before one of the drive plates, around him a variety of tools. A large textbook is propped against one of the consoles, and every now and again, he consults it with an uncomprehending frown. Behind him, Lister leans against their trolley and begins to hum.
"Trying to concentrate here," Rimmer shoots over his shoulder. What Rimmer is particularly trying to concentrate on is stopping his hands from shaking. He choses not to mention this second part.
"Why have they asked you to do this?" Lister asks, fishing a bag of tiny screws from the trolley.
"Because it's faulty."
"Yeah, but why have they asked you specifically?" Lister smirks, "What do you know about drive plates?"
"More than you do," Rimmer shoots back.
"Reckon this could be your big break?" Lister laughs, tossing the screws into the air before catching them again.
"Still trying to concentrate."
Lister ignores him and continues tossing the bag of screws into the air, again and again.
"Kochanski was telling me about this dimension thing last night. She says it's all theoretical, but apparently there's this theory that there could be infinite dimensions. Like for every decision you make, there's another dimension where you make the opposite one and then in that dimension everything is changed. Imagine that, man? Infinite dimensions, infinite possibilities..."
"Fascinating," Rimmer sighs, looking back to his book. He thinks he might have finished. He might have done it...
"Maybe there's a dimension where you're not a completely useless smeghead!"
"Lister!" Rimmer warns.
"Maybe there's even one where you have half an idea how to repair a drive plate!"
"Maybe it's the same one where, instead of telling you about dimension theory, Kochanski actually wants to sleep with you!" Rimmer snaps, red faced.
Lister drops the bag of screws back into the cart.
“Maybe there’s one where your mother didn’t hate the sight of you!”
“Maybe there’s one where your mother wanted you enough to keep you!”
Rimmer and Lister argue their way out of the room, back to their sleeping quarters and well into the following day.
They both fail to notice the four minuscule, but really rather important, screws missing from the drive plate.
*****
A graveyard on Io:
A headstone, grown over and forgotten.
HERE LIES ARNOLD JUDAS RIMMER
AGED 12
Presumably nobody wants to admit he had once been their son or their brother. There is no mention of whether he will be mourned or missed or even remembered. Dandelions blow softly in the wind. Around this particular grave, they grow to almost knee height. They have never been disturbed by a visitor.
*****
Sleeping Quarters, High Red Dwarf:
Brother Rimmer paces evenly into their room, given that it is almost 3AM he is fully expecting to find Brother Lister fast asleep. Instead, he finds his friend staring out of their window into the nothingness of deep space. Brother Rimmer frowns; this is most unlike his friend. He approaches and seeing as he cannot lay a hologrammatic hand on his shoulder, Brother Rimmer settles for clearing his throat. Brother Lister spins around and tries to smile.
"Forgive me for disturbing your contemplation friend," Brother Rimmer nods.
"Please, it is me who should be apologising. Forgive me for allowing you to find me in such low spirits."
Brother Rimmer's face almost collapses in on itself as he takes half a step nearer. It is worse than he feared; it is really most unlike his friend to talk in such a way.
"Low spirits?" He repeats quietly.
"Fear not for me," Brother Lister says, shaking his head, "You simply happened upon me as I was contemplating what it could all possibly mean."
"All?"
"Life," Brother Lister clarifies.
"Ah."
"And, I suppose, death," Brother Lister frowns, "For it was you whom I was thinking of, brother."
"Me?"
"It is a philosophical question really. Perhaps you shouldn't care to hear it at such a late hour?"
"Pray continue brother."
"It began as a simple exercise of gratitude. I was reflecting upon the supreme contentment I feel whenever I am lucky enough to while away my hours with our companions when the realisation dawned upon me that I am particularly fond of you, Brother Rimmer, and of your... particular companionship."
"And I yours, friend."
"It was as I was thinking of the incomparable peace my soul feels whenever I am with you that I was overcome with an undeniable melancholy," Brother Lister sighs, "And then questions came to me, each one giving way to another... friend, do you think this is truly fate? Do you think our extreme happiness was predestined to turn out this way? Could it be random? Could we have missed this glorious reality? Do you think that it is this way in every universe, for every version of us across the stars? Do you think they have all found one another, in the way that we have been so fortunate to?"
During this speech, Brother Lister had paced back and forth in their small room, but now he freezes. His eyes, glazed over with unspilt tears, search Brother Rimmer's. Brother Rimmer bows his head and steps forwards until he is close as he can be.
"For the fate of our counterparts I can hardly answer,” Brother Rimmer whispers, “But for myself, I can say only this: If there must be a reality where you and I have failed to find one another, I should not care to know of its existence.”
*****
D Deck corridor, Z shift, Red Dwarf:
Lister pushes the trolley along, while Rimmer consults his clipboard. They've not being working together very long and Lister is still hopeful that he can charm his bunkmate into being less of a complete git. The plan hasn't worked thus far, but Lister isn't quite ready to quit. He wanders along, trying to re-explain the dimension theory Kochanski told him a couple of nights ago.
"Fascinating," Rimmer sighs, without turning around.
"Do you think we're stuck together in every dimension?" Lister grins.
"God, I hope not."
*****
In Z-Shift Sleeping Quarters, on Red Dwarf:
Lister lies awake, one leg dangling off of his bunk and one arm slung behind his head. Below him, Rimmer lies awake too. He watches Lister's foot swinging back and forth. There was a time when the sight would have driven him insane. Now, he watches impassively. It's almost comforting, in its own way.
"You still awake?" Lister asks.
"Yes," Rimmer replies.
"Yeah, me too man," Lister sighs.
There was a time when Rimmer would have rolled his eyes and pointed out the stupidity of what Lister had just said. There was a time... now, he only hums in reply.
"Rimmer?"
"Yes?"
"How'd you manage it?" Lister asks. Rimmer shifts a little in his bunk.
"I don't know what you mean," He denies. Except he does. He knows exactly what it is that Lister means.
"600 years man... locked up, tortured..." Lister trails off, "Sorry, guy, I'm not helping, am I?"
"It's okay," Rimmer murmurs uncomfortably.
"How'd you manage it man?" Lister repeats.
Rimmer can tell from the way he asks that he isn't really expecting a proper answer. And there was a time when Rimmer wouldn't have given him one. But now...
"I knew you were coming to find me," He admits quietly. Lister says nothing. Rimmer wants to ball his hand into a fist and shove it into his mouth.
"But 600 years..."
"You'll laugh."
"I won't, I swear."
"I... I kept thinking about the dimension theory... and... about that stupid smegging question you ask."
"Do you think we find each other in every dimension?"
"That's the one, Listy," Rimmer says, smiling despite himself, "Well it turns out I think we do."
*****
In Another Alternative Drive Room, on Another Alternative Red Dwarf:
"Imagine that, man? Infinite dimensions, infinite possibilities..."
"Fascinating," Rimmer murmurs, looking back at his book. He thinks he has just about finished.
"Do you think that it could be true though?" Lister asks, letting go of the metal sheet he's been holding in place for Rimmer, "Like maybe..."
"For goodness' sake!" Rimmer snaps.
As Lister has gotten back to his feet, to tidy their tools back into the trolley, he's sent a bag of screws scattering across the floor.
"Nah Rimmer man, I did that on purpose," Lister says quickly. Rimmer shoots him a look.
"Of course, you did," He says, beginning to collect them up.
"I did!" Lister insists, searching the repaired drive plate for a plausible excuse, "You were gonna ask for 'em anyway, I was just getting ahead of the game."
"How do you work that one out?"
"It's not secured all the way," Lister says, pointing, "See?"
Rimmer squints at the drive plate and is dismayed to find that Lister is right. While Rimmer has screwed the drive plate into place, there are still four minuscule holes in each corner that he has somehow managed to miss. Rimmer reaches for a screwdriver.
"It probably doesn't matter," Lister smiles, "But better safe than sorry, eh?"
With the screws in place, Rimmer holds the door open for Lister to push the trolley out of the drive room. Lister hesitates, smiling.
“Do you think we’ve found each other in the other dimensions Rimmer?” He asks.
“That would be just about my luck."
*****
The Landing Bay, Red Dwarf:
Lister stands open mouthed and bare foot, having been startled out of bed by the sound of the shutters rising. He rubs his eyes. He wonders if he’s dreaming. The cockpit of Wildfire eases upwards, and Ace emerges. Except it isn’t Ace. Not anymore.
“Hello Listy,” Rimmer says.
Lister watches as he unzips the gold jacket, sheds his wig and clambers out of Wildfire. He leaps down, landing with a thump. Lister jogs down the steps and across the landing bay- meeting him halfway.
“Is it really you?” Lister asks and Rimmer nods, his metallic H catching the light.
“It’s me,” He confirms.
“Prove it,” Lister says, trying to force the smile on his face to shrink.
“How?”
“What was the worst day of your life… after the day you died?” Lister asks and watches as Rimmer grimaces.
“You know the day…”
“Say it,” Lister insists, “I won’t believe it’s really you until you say it.”
“Gazpacho soup,” Rimmer pushes out through gritted teeth. Lister whoops with excitement, his feet leave the ground.
“It’s you!” He cheers, “But… but I thought you could never go backwards… I thought…”
“I’m the first one ever,” Rimmer says sheepishly, “I’m the first Ace from any dimension to find his way back.”
*****
Red Dwarf, Z-Shift Sleeping Quarters.
Rimmer sits at the side of his bunk, watching and wishing. He watches Lister sleep, his chest rising and falling the smallest of fractions. He wishes Kryten was here, but the mechanoid gave up the ghost years ago. He now lies as a pile of disassembled rust coated parts in the laundry room- his favourite place on the entire ship. Rimmer wishes the Cat was here, but he too has been gone for many years. Lister was the one to arrange the funeral, even going as far as to pack two crates of suits to accompany his coffin. For years it has just been the pair of them ratting around Red Dwarf- the last human edging his species closer to total extinction and a hologram who swore he'd be the last to leave.
Rimmer closes his eyes. He wishes he could be braver. For Lister's sake, if not his own. The trouble is, Rimmer has never been any good at bravery.
Lister stirs so Rimmer darts forwards. When Lister’s weakened hand begins to struggle, Rimmer grabs hold of it and he holds tight.
“I’m here,” He says. Lister smiles. Even now, Lister still smiles. Rimmer wonders how he does it.
“I know,” Lister rasps.
“I won’t leave,” Rimmer swears.
“I know,” Lister nods.
“I wish you’d stayed in the Medibay,” Rimmer says.
"I know," Lister gasps.
"You'd be safer there," Rimmer says, afraid to fall back into the awful silence, " I could keep an eye on the monitors and everything you might need... anything you might need... it's all there, in arm's reach. Perhaps we should go back. It isn't too late. I can get a scutter or..."
"Rimmer..." Lister whispers, squeezing Rimmer's hand to silence him.
"What is it?" Rimmer asks, wide eyed.
"I'm no better off there than I am here. Nothing can help me now."
"I know," Rimmer admits hoarsely. He has always hated it when Lister is right, but he has never hated it as much as he does now.
Rimmer lets his head fall forwards. He hangs onto Lister's hand as though it is the last real thing left in the universe- which in a sense, it is. Lister watches his hologram through tired eyes. What to say? What is there left to say? After all this time, after all these years, Lister cannot think of anything they have left unsaid. But he must find something- he can't bear the sight of Rimmer looking so tired and tragic. Lister almost chuckles to himself; this is just his smegging luck. Even on his deathbed, he's the one trying to comfort Rimmer when surely it should be the other way around. Lister imagined telling his 21 year old self that his final moments would be spent worrying about the fate of Arnold J Rimmer... and all because three million years ago Holly had decided Rimmer was the one Lister should spend the rest of his lifetime with... and suddenly Lister knows just what to say. He licks his lips and takes a deep breath, half wondering how many deep breaths he has left in him.
"Rimmer? Remember the dimension theory? Infinite dimensions, infinite possibilities," Lister says, his voice almost nothing. Rimmer nods, unable to look up. He gulps.
"Fascinating," He manages.
"Well... do you reckon we found each other in every dimension?" Lister asks, his eyes shining. The question hangs between them. Rimmer raises his head and hard light tears drip from his chin onto Lister's hand.
"I do Listy," Rimmer says and a smile fights its way to his face. He clears his throat, "Do you?"
"I do," Lister whispers.
*****
Along a corridor, during Z shift, on Red Dwarf:
“Fascinating,” Rimmer says, consulting his clipboard.
“Do you think we’re stuck together in every other dimension?” Lister wonders.
“Who cares?” Rimmer tuts, “We’re stuck together in this one and we’ve got work to do. As far as I’m concerned, that’s all that matters.”
Lister silently acknowledges a good point well made. With Rimmer leading the way, they continue. After a few silent minutes, Lister begins to sing.
“Lister?” Rimmer asks, “Have you ever been hit over the head with a welding mallet? No? Shut up and push the trolley.”