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Cal fucking hates escape pods.
He’s only had to force himself into one since that day, and that was a bad enough experience that he vowed never to do it again. He managed to get fortunate for another few years, but he should’ve known his luck would run out again sooner or later.
He’s not sure it’s a blessing or a curse that he has Dagan with him this time.
At first, Cal doesn’t think too much about it, just running on the instinct of get away from that horde of stormtroopers and off this fucking ship to realise what their escape route is. Then the pods come into view, and he almost stumbles while he’s sprinting.
Dagan throws him a sharp glance, but says nothing as he takes care of the door controls; Cal imagines Dagan feels his gratitude through their Force bond.
Cal watches their surroundings, his lightsaber ablaze and tension running through every inch of his body. It eases ever so slightly when Merrin runs past him, b-lining for the neighbouring escape pod, but he doesn’t dare look away from the hallway in front of him.
Dagan’s voice sounds behind him, but Cal has to take a quick breath before turning. Don’t think about it, focus on something-
BD beeps softly in his ear, and Cal knows he can’t delay any longer. He jogs over the threshold and not-so-subtly avoids Dagan’s watchful stare; he knows he won’t be able to avoid questions from the older man (and the droid perched on his back), but he will definitely put them off for as long as he can.
The pod doors whoosh shut behind them, but it only makes Cal feel claustrophobic rather than safe. Everything seems to freeze for a sickening moment, before the pod jerks violently and Cal is scrabbling desperately to secure himself in one of the seats.
Dagan follows suit a moment later in the chair opposite, albeit a lot calmer than Cal’s attempt. His crystal eyes instantly settle on the younger man, watching and analysing; something he always seems to be doing around Cal. And, well- Cal’s never done well at holding that intense gaze on a good day.
Just as he lowers his eyes, more rumbles and jerks come from the pod, causing panic to splinter through his body. His vision blurs, and for the briefest moment, he sees a figure lying on the floor. There’s blood surrounding the body, blaster marks on the front of their chest-
Cal squeezes his eyes tightly shut this time, willing the image away, but that only makes everything worse.
Now, all he can focus on is the noise surrounding him - the horrifying sounds of what feels like the small metal box tearing itself apart; they echo and ricochet off every surface until they hit Cal like a slap to the face.
It only serves to bring back those memories in full force, undoing all the work he’s done to try and forget them.
‘No!’ He yells as a sudden, violent burst of rage courses through him. His master, behind him, has made it into the escape pod, but he knows he has to do something.
Cal pushes the wave of heat within him outwards, screaming with effort and emotion. It does its job - the troopers’ movements are slowed, giving Cal just those extra few seconds to jump into the pod and close the doors behind him. Nothing happens for another moment, and Cal has an overwhelming sense of dread that they won’t make it out of this alive.
The pod lurches forward, detaching from the ship and propelling them into space. Cal suppose it should make him feel a little safer, but all he can focus on now is his master - his mentor, the man that had become like a father to him - lying on the floor. Dying.
Master Tapal’s eyes are half closed, but pain is etched into his features. Cal desperately wants to help, but he can’t bring himself to look down at the wounds; he’s not sure he’s strong enough to look at the damage inflicted.
Not as strong as his master.
More rumbles and trembling sounds from the escape pod, and Cal desperately tries not to squeeze his eyes shut. He needs to focus, but everything is so loud, and he feels like his brain is about to explode.
His master weakly raises his hand, and Cal only just realises he has been clutching his lightsaber this whole time. He pushes it into Cal’s hands, but the young boy almost wants to push it back; to tell his master that everything will be okay, but he knows he’d be lying. Cal’s vision blurs as he closes his fingers around the saber.
‘Trust…only in… the Force,’ Master Tapal chokes out.
Cal tries to push away his tears, but his voice still comes out as small and broken when he replies, ‘yes, master.’
Only a second later, his master’s face falls slack, hands falling away from his lightsaber. Cal stays frozen, watching for another second, hoping that the man will wake back up and tell Cal what to do next.
The escape pod chooses then to lurch to the side, throwing Cal against the wall. He cries out, before curling up against the base of the control panel, clutching his master’s lightsaber close to his chest.
He’s on his own now.
Everything trembles as he squeezes his eyes shut, and the alarming image of the pod ripping itself apart in the depths of space flashes through his mind.
Tears slip down his cheeks, unable to be held back any longer; his jaw burns as one trails over his blaster wound.
How is he going to survive now?
‘Cal.’
The unexpected voice makes him jump, and his eyes snap open. They fixate on his master’s body, and he flinches when he sees the pool of blood spreading across the floor.
It’s all my fault.
‘Cal.’
The voice is more insistent this time, but he still can’t tear his eyes away.
It’s all my fault.
‘Cal, look at me.’
His eyes flick upwards, connecting straight with those cool, grey ones he’s come so well to know. They’re a sea of calm compared to the panic that Cal knows is evident in his green eyes.
‘Breathe.’ Dagan’s lips barely move, but the command is strong and slips seamlessly into Cal’s mind. He sucks in a breath, revelling in the feeling of air finally filling his lungs again.
He always felt a little uncomfortable Dagan entering his mind uninvited, even though he knows his mental defences leave something to be desired on a good day. Still, there are certain situations where he can let it slip, and he knows Dagan is only trying to help.
A hint of a smile appears on Dagan’s lips, and they twitch again with another gentle instruction. ‘Relax, Cal.’
His eyes slip closed again, but this time it’s slow and peaceful. Another memory forms in his mind now, but Cal prefers this one infinitely more than the last.
Dusk on Koboh is definitely Cal’s current favourite place to be. The air is cool but not uncomfortably cold; the sun has set, taking the scorching heat with it but leaving the golden light illuminating the sky. There’s a hundred different aromas floating around him - some from the plants in the garden that he and BD nurtured from seedlings; some from the saloon below; some from the landscape beyond, drifting in on the faint breeze. Sometimes the amount of different stimuli overwhelms Cal, but not now; now he can let the variety of sensations wash over him and add to the pleasant moment.
Of course, this evening is enhanced by one very important factor - having his loved ones there with him too.
On a rare whim, Greez closes the saloon early to anyone apart from close friends (which, admittedly, in a place as small as Rambler’s Reach, is almost all of the town's inhabitants). The set up for the whole evening is just a tad chaotic (then again, when aren’t things chaotic with this group?), but it had all been worth it. Now, several hours later, everyone is relaxed, chatting happily with each other and laughing.
Cal revels in the sight, even if it means he sits back from the crowd and just watches. He does want to go and join the fun, but sometimes he just has to take in the image of his loved ones to remind himself he gets to have this.
He senses someone behind him, a calm but powerful presence in the Force that Cal has grown so accustomed to. Still, he never quite gets used to the feeling of Dagan’s Force signature wrapping around his, and leans into it.
Dagan places a hand on Cal’s hip to steady him, and the young Jedi realises he was physically leaning back too.
‘Why don’t you join your friends?’ The older man asks as he takes a seat next to Cal, murmuring softly so the words don’t travel over to the others.
Cal sighs, but for once there’s a contented tint to it. ‘I just… wanted to take everything in.’ He doesn’t voice his previous thoughts, how he needs to check he has this from time to time, make sure everyone isn’t about to disappear in front of his eyes; but of course Dagan quickly picks up on this without him having to say anything.
‘It’s yours, Cal,’ Dagan whispers this time, his breath brushing against Cal’s ear. It makes him shiver, both the sensation and the words, because with Dagan saying it, Cal’s a little closer to believing it.
Cal turns his head so he can properly look at the other Jedi. Those bright, crystal eyes watch him in return, a warmth and care there that Cal gets to see more and more often these days. And, for some reason, he gets the overwhelming urge to kiss his partner. So he does.
It seems to take Dagan by surprise - although they’ve never been secret about their relationship, they try to limit their displays of affection around others. At first it was until the others came to trust Dagan and trust him with Cal (Merrin’s words, not his); now, it was more because the rest of the team tease him mercilessly about how much Cal blushes every time Dagan so much as lays a finger on him.
Cal considers pulling back - above all else, he doesn’t want to make Dagan uncomfortable - but then the older man wraps his hand gently around Cal’s chin and pulls him closer.
The kiss is warm and soft but only lasts a few more moments, because Cal’s painful shyness likes to rear its head in these types of situations.
Dagan smirks as they pull apart a few inches and his thumb rubs along Cal’s jawline. ‘No need to be shy, little Jedi.’
It only serves to make Cal blush, and it doesn’t help when he turns to see several of the group watching them. Zee is the nearest, only a few feet away, watching with a curious, albeit confused, tilt of her head. Thankfully, most of the others are discreet enough not to outright stare, but Cal feels their side glances nonetheless. Cal does catch Greez’s eye, but the Latero quickly diverts his gaze and pretends to have been engaged in conversation with the person next to him the whole time.
Merrin and Mosey are the last two he spots. Merrin has an eyebrow raised, but surprisingly there is warmth in her stormy eyes; Mosey, on the other hand, wears a large smile, looking like she might melt from a cuteness overload.
It does nothing to help Cal’s blush, so he turns and buries his face in Dagan’s neck with a quiet groan; he’s too embarrassed now to care how the others will tease him about this too. The low chuckle from the older man rumbles through Cal’s body, and despite himself, Cal smiles.
~
The memory carries him to the point of impact, when he’s wrenched back into reality by the terrifying sounds and sensations surrounding them as they hit water.
Mercifully, it seems they’ve at least managed to make it to Odona, the planned rendezvous planet Cere and Greez picked because of its isolated and unpredictable nature; Cal counts his blessings that the pod manages to land into the ocean, rather than being crushed or impaled on one of the rocky outcrops.
It’s a little easier for Cal to calm his breathing as the pod comes to a complete stop - bouncing slightly as it floats on the surface of the water - due to Dagan’s influence on his mind only just wearing off. He manages to unstrap himself and check on BD without having another panic attack, so he takes that as a win. A moment later, he turns to Dagan, who is already waiting with the smallest lift of an eyebrow.
‘Ready?’ The older Jedi asks, his voice still soft.
No, a small part of Cal’s brain wants to protest, but instead he takes a deep breath in and gives a small nod. ‘Ready.’