Chapter Text
They had infiltrated a random Galra ship. Well, it wasn’t random, but Lance didn’t really remember what exactly was so important about it.
It basically looked like any other cruise, but he remembers Shiro saying something about a lab and experiments or something.
There was some data to steal, supplies to destroy, and Pidge was going to run a virus to practically fry as many machinery as possible so that it couldn’t be used to harm anyone anymore.
Shiro instructed them to split up. Lance went with Keith, and Pidge would go with Hunk. It didn’t feel right to leave Shiro alone so Cosmo was coming with him, it took some convincing but he finally accepted. If it helped everyone to focus better and for the mission to go smoothly then yes, he would take the wolf….dog thing with him.
He had no grudge against the creature, on the contrary. It just felt weird the adult of the team was running around with a wolf.
All Shiro needed to do was mostly just attack as many soldiers as possible, and to check just how many commanders or captains are present in the ship, and eliminate as many as he can.
Pidge and Hunk had successfully found the security room, and were now in progress of running her program. They didn’t just slip in tho, there were sentries everywhere. Pidge was ducking behind a desk while running her code as quick as she could, while Hunk hid behind the doorframe and tried to prevent sentries from getting in.
They noticed reinforcements were not coming as quick as they normally do.
-“Keith! Lance! Sentries are heading near your location, be careful!”- She said through her comms as she watched the sentries move through the hacked cameras.
-“Got it, thanks Pidge.”- Keith quickly replied, glancing around for any sign of noise coming to them. None so far.
Lance also became a little more alert. His bayard, while already being in gun mode, was originally in a similar pose in his arms to that of any resting Galran soldier, or maybe just any soldier. He had now switched to raise it more and start to actively search for targets.
-“Pidge, are we near the supply room yet?”- Lance was getting a little anxious already.
-“It’s a lab, Lance. And yes, it’s the last door at the end of the corridor.”- To be fair, the room was called Lab Supply Room in the floor plans. It wasn’t a supply room for lab supplies, it was a lab, with an area designated for the supplies used within. It was a silly argument, one that Lance had started since they were briefed about the mission, all the way back in the Castle of Lions.
-“Lab, supply room, whatever! It’s the same anyways!”- Lance woke up in a not very good mood today.
First, lately he just sucked at training, and sometimes just didn’t show up to dinner or lunch, saying he wasn’t hungry. The time he was avoiding eating together with his team was spent training instead. He just couldn’t manage to focus lately. Everything was being messed up by him, whether his team noticed or not.
He continued to hide any sign of anything being wrong. They’re in a war, and people are dying. He doesn’t have time for whatever stupid thing his brain is trying to pull off currently.
His brain just refuses to get its thoughts back in order and it’s an absolute pain in the ass. These last two days, he has started feeling random waves of panic here and there. He wasn’t even doing anything out of the ordinary, he was just checking some random records, cleaning his room, helping Hunk in the kitchen, and practicing.
None of these things would usually make him panic, like at all.
And to top it all off, he hasn’t been able to sleep much either. Nightmares jolt him awake, always forgetting what they even were about as soon as he’s conscious.
He has no idea what is going on with him but he doesn’t really have time for that so he just pushes everything down every single time.
And now here’s Pidge absolutely getting on his nerves.
-“—ance!”-.
He was so caught up on his own thoughts that he didn’t realize Keith was yelling at him.
-“Lance! What are you doing?! Focus goddammit!”-. Keith snapped at him. He was leaning on the doorway to the lab. Pidge had already ran a program to open the doors for them, Lance didn’t even notice.
-“Sorry, coming! Coming!”- Lance picked up his pace. Shiro didn’t say anything to Keith about his words, he would normally just say something to let him know he was on thin ice when it came to cursing.
But instead, Shiro was reprimanding Lance.
-“Lance, this is a serious mission. This is not the time to play around.”- Shiro said sternly through the comms. Honestly, his tone made something ache in Lance’s chest.
Did he really think that about me? Does he think I can’t take things seriously?
Am I really that awful?
There it was, his brain, once again saying mean things to him at a time he didn’t need to, mostly because he doesn’t have time to dwell on that stuff right now, or ever probably. It gives him an uncomfortable feeling around his chest and throat, like something was tightening. He shakes his head and with it, the thoughts.
Now’s not the time for this.
-“I’m sorry, Shiro. Won’t happen again.”- Apologizing is basically in his nature at this point. He has been messing up so much and since such a long time ago that if someone prohibited him from saying “I’m sorry” he would have no idea what to say instead.
But “won’t happen again” was never something he said. He would just apologize in a kinda cheerful tone, almost as if he was saying “teehee oops”, but this time he didn’t.
No one noticed the difference.
Because no one cares.
He finally catches up to Keith. He looks rather angry, wearing quite the scowl in his face. There was tension in his posture.
He had to apologize to Keith too, they had managed to get pretty close lately. He doesn’t want to ruin their new born friendship by making him mad.
-“I’m sorry, Keith. I was just—“-.
-“I don’t need your excuses, Lance. Sentries could have been on the other side of the door and you had your back completely turned to it. They could have gotten you from the back while you were doing heavens knows what! You weren’t even listening!”- Keith basically whisper-yelled at him.
He looked so….disappointed.
-“I’m sor—“- a hand is raised, telling him to stop.
-“I don’t wanna hear it. Let’s just continue already.”- he turns back around with a sigh. He proceeds further into the room, not allowing Lance to say anything else.
It hurt.
Excuses?
He didn’t mean to.
He sighs. Just another thing to add to the list of screw ups.
Lance trails closely behind Keith, he’s supposed to cover the Red Paladin’s back after all.
The room is quite big. The lab part is bigger than the supply area. There isn’t even walls separating the different portions of the room, but at least things were kind of ordered. The supply boxes were not too close from the lab equipment to pose a hazard but it’s still close enough to fall on someone if they were not familiar with the layout.
Even tho there’s no one in there currently, there’s signs of someone being there at some point. There’s blood on one of the tables, and bloody instruments ready to be disposed of in a container. There’s actually a lot of things in there. Jars with liquids or what looked like….organs, vials, syringes (some empty and new and others already filled with a substance, all within the same jar, indicating that they all had the same substance.
-“Shiro, there’s a lot of stuff here. What do you want us to do with it?”- Inquired Keith.
-“Destroy as much as you can. But if it’s pointy or could accidentally cut you, either throw it at the wall to break it or just leave it there. We can’t be too sure of what they have there.”- Last thing he wanted was for one of the two teens to accidentally get infected with some disease or virus.
-“Alright, Pidge, let me know when you’re done with the code so we can prepare for extraction.”- A lot of this mission’s length actually depended on Pidge. She was to take as much data and fry the circuits of as many things as she could. All everyone had to do was make sure she could do it, unbothered.
It was also a good scouting mission too, they know virtually nothing about this specific scientific division of the Empire so any knowledge they can get is welcomed.
Keith had already started breaking things, mostly using the sword from his bayard. Lance had to put his bayard back in the holster however. He can’t use his weapon to destroy things, not here. They don’t know what kind of stuff could be in these vials and boxes and containers so the least it can splash on them, the better.
While true, bayards can turn into anything, Lance hasn’t practiced for it to turn into something different yet, and right now not’s the time.
No, not right now.
This phrase had become a common sound in his mind for a while now.
It would be repeated over and over, until he believed it and could continue with whatever pressing matter he had at hands.
After putting his bayard away, he starts checking whatever box is near him and throwing jars at the wall. It actually felt nice, for once, it felt kind of good to break stuff. He remembers a group of students in the Garrison talking about this place in L.A. where you paid to break stuff. They would suit you up and give you bats and other stuff, and you could break computers, printers, and other things.
He always thought they were just no good for thinking that that could be an enjoyable activity, oh how wrong he was.
He can let his anger out on some random vials and throw them into the wall, it felt nice, like he was letting go of something heavy.
Maybe he could convince Shiro and Coran to set up a room for the paladins to do just this.
It took Keith absolutely no time to notice Lance was enjoying himself, perhaps a little too much. He was glaring at him with an unimpressed bitch face. When he meets his gaze, he stops from throwing whatever was on his hand, and looks a little bit self conscious.
-“What?”- He was destroying the vials, like Shiro asked them to, he wasn’t doing anything wrong, right?
-“Would it kill you to take things seriously for once?”- He wasn’t even expecting a reply, he said what he said and then just made his way to another part of the room to continue slicing stuff.
But…he didn’t do anything wrong, right?
What am I doing wrong? Why is he still mad? Was it because I was enjoying myself….?
Maybe….maybe I should stop doing that.
He continues to break stuff into the wall and topple over whatever large container or barrel stood in his way, lack of enthusiasm very apparent now, mostly in his face.
He will stop enjoying things in missions, doing that means he is not taking things seriously.
I must remember that.
He will remember all of these tips, until someday, he can hopefully stop making mistakes.
He will finally be perfect, and he won’t weight down his team anymore.
But even so, it hurts. His chest, his heart aches.
But, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be, anyways?
His mind had almost wandered off when he heard a small noise near where Keith is, he was unbothered by it, he didn’t hear it. He’s near a door. But his sight of it is blocked by a locker door he had opened to check the contents inside.
Something is coming near Keith very, very soon, and Keith didn’t hear it.
Shit.
Everything was like in slow motion.
When he approached Keith, he could already see the guns pointed at their direction.
Lance pushed Keith from the way, pushing him into the locker.
Three shots were fired before Lance could bring his shield from his bayard. One hit him on his side, a little bit over his hip. Another shot shattered a large glass container and the last one shot at a jar of syringes.
Keith wasted no time to get out of the locker, but before he could even ask Lance if he was okay while he pulled out his own shield as well, the latter let out a scream.
Just as Keith arrived next to him, both crystal objects that were broken had been set in motion.
The large glass container spilled all over Lance, glass at all.
A sizzling sound could be heard between his cries.
Burning. Lance was burning. The liquid was burning Lance.
It was already burning away whatever part of his black bodysuit that was exposed, then burning the skin underneath. It must have been some kind of acid.
He couldn’t think. He didn’t even know that something fell on him, let alone liquid. One moment his side hurt, and now his whole body is screaming in agony, just as the sounds coming from his throat. Pain was flaring up every single nerve on his body.
Keith couldn’t reach out a hand to comfort him, as it would be exposed to the ongoing shootout.
-“Guys, we need back-ACK!?”- Keith couldn’t finish his sentence as the jar of syringes, and its contents, fell on top of him. Most of the pointy objects crashed into the ground, but one stuck to his arm, one on the back of neck, and one on his shoulder, close to the one in his neck.
The shock from the pain made him push himself backwards, almost as if he had been punched in that direction, and lean into the shelf behind him for support.
But Keith had been too stunned to notice where the needles were. When he crashed his back against the metal rails of the shelf, he accidentally pressed down on the trigger of both of the syringes in his back, releasing the contents into his body.
-“Keith? What’s wrong?!”- Hunk yelled anxiously through the comms.
Lance didn’t register what was happening next to him at first, but he managed to put himself back in the present as he mustered as much strength as he could to remember where he was, and turned to look at Keith.
Keith’s face was slacking backwards against the shelf, his eyes wide. His breathing was ragged. Lance would have thought his mind was completely on another planet if it wasn’t for the shaky but still somewhat firm grip he had on his shield, he was concentrated enough to keep it in the right position to prevent being hit.
Lance couldn’t see any injuries. Did Keith hit his head? He surely did look like he was in pain, but where did the pain come from? Did he have internal wounds? Was he bleeding out?
The glint of something metallic caught his eyes, there was a syringe stabbed onto Keith’s right arm, but luckily the liquid that filled it was still inside the syringe.
Despite his own pain, Lance reached out a hand and pulled it out. Keith only twitched slightly, but his posture hadn’t relaxed. His head, neck, and his shoulders remained stiff, as if there was something he didn’t want to accidentally pull at or move.
There was still something in Keith.
Leaning his own head slightly backwards, he caught the glimpse of 2 other syringes sticking from Keith’s back. One on the back of his neck, and another one in his shoulder, but closer to his back than to his chest.
They were empty.
All the syringes had been placed in order in the containers. If the ones on the floor and the one on his arm has something inside them, the ones on his back definitely had something in them too, but now they’re empty.
The syringes were emptied inside Keith.
Keith has just been injected by accident with an unknown substance.
And it was Lance’s fault.
-“…ance! Keith!? Please answer!!”- Allura had been pleading at them, Lance doesn’t know for how long, but he had only just heard it now.
Every part of his body ached, but he still managed to move a hand to take out the needles in Keith’s back. As soon as he did so, Keith slumped forward a little, now comfortable with using his muscles.
There was sweat on his face, and he looked paler than usual.
Aside from the ongoing searing waves of pain from his burns, Lance could feel something else. There was a wave of something else, something that made his heart hammer in his chest, and something was crushing his throat into a close.
Panic.
Lance was once again, panicking.
No, not right now.
Now’s not the time.
-“Guys…we need backup here!”- the sharp inhale from him didn’t go unnoticed by everyone in the comms. Despite the silence, he could almost see the metaphorical exclamation mark appear next to their heads.
-“Lance, what happened? Why is Keith not responding?? Where is he?!”- Shiro had all the right to panic.
-“Sentries. Lab uhm…accident!”- His thoughts were swimming, why can’t he speak right?
-“What?!”- The strangled and non connected words were disconcerting for Pidge. Lance doesn’t normally speak like this, he must have hurt his head or something. Something was definitely very wrong.
Lance shook his head to clear the swirl in his mind.
-“We’re trapped in the lab. Some supply stuff spilled on me, and Keith accidentally injected himself with something!”- He wanted to say more, but remembered that it’s better to keep it brief, and only say the important things. Details could wait for later when they’re out of here.
-“Dammit, I’m on the opposite side of the ship, it will take too long for me to fly to your location!”- A small, frustrated growl could be heard from Shiro.
-“Can’t Keith’s dog go for them?”- By the way Pidge asked, probably neither her nor Hunk could go aid them either.
-“We’re kinda busy here, Pidge!”- a huff from Shiro and a whine from Cosmo could be heard.
Before they entered the ship’s bridge, someone had spotted them stalking towards the door. With the element of surprise thrown out the window, they had to barge in and start fighting. There was a high position commander in the ship, and enough of his subordinates to keep the Black Paladin and the space wolf busy.
-“Quiznak! Lance, hold on just a little more, as soon as I’m done with this, Hunk and I will come for you!”- None of them could come help them right now, their hands were full already.
Lance eye’s darted to a glowing computer like panel that was next to the door. Long cables connected it to other computers all across the room, but it was also connected to the lights.
-“Guys, I have an idea!”- Lance could already hear the “no”s coming from different people. To be fair, whenever he said such a phrase, disaster ensued, they had all the right to panic about it.
But they’re running out of time and the sentries are getting closer and Keith and him won’t last longer like this.
-“Keith, get your night vision ready.”- Keith looked at him like he was out of his mind, but his hand still hovered to his helmet. He didn’t look very good still, but Lance is glad he can at least hear him.
Despite the pleading on his comms, Lance takes out his bayard, which was already in rifle mode, and shoots at the panel. Lights go out, and he could have sworn he hear what sounded like fists slamming down on a surface on his comms.
They used the small time that it took the sentries to activate their night vision to blast their way past them, after all, the room only had one door.
Lance had resorted to yanking Keith from his wrist after seeing that his reactions were slow and sluggish, and used his jet pack to move faster. But for some reason, Keith didn’t activate his. Lance was awkwardly dragging him in the air, while Keith continued to try to run and stumble on the ground sometimes.
-“Keith? Use your jet pack, Keith!”- the dark haired teen had good reflexes, the fact that he currently looks distant and slightly dazed was huge enough cause to worry.
Lance’s voice had yanked him back to the present. His eyes were wide in an almost neutral expression, before quickly remembering where he was as he activated his jet pack.
Now they were flying next to each other, but Lance didn’t let go of his wrist.
-“Lance, let me go.”- Keith snapped at him. The tone was harsh, but he wasn’t yelling. It hurt, but Lance still let go of his wrist as he asked.
Maybe he should apologize again? Just in case?
-“Lance, what did you do?!”- Pidge sounded like she was fuming. Lance knew that tone. It’s the classic “you fucked up, Lance” tone that everyone uses whenever he does just that.
That hurt too.
-“I killed the lights from a panel near the door. Otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to get out!”- Lance didn’t understand what he did wrong. He had never been yelled at for destroying Galra tech, what changed?
-“Yes you would! You just had to wait for Pidge and me!”- Even Hunk sounded slightly angry.
-“But, we still got out anyways. What’s the problem?”- He’s trying his hardest, but his actions still look fair to him. But the creeping feeling of wrongness was coming to him, despite not knowing what he did wrong.
-“Everyone, abort the mission. Back to the Lions, now!”- Shiro ordered.
His body ached from so many things, the cut on his side, the angry bursts of pain in his skin, and his heart ached too. He feels so ashamed.
Shiro said to abort the mission, meaning they failed.
They failed because of him.
As both he and Keith made their way back to their Lions, Lance’s muscles would spasm and twitch every now and then, but he would quickly hide it. Keith never noticed, he didn’t even spare a glance at him. He would hide the pain from his wounds, the least he could do is at least stand up straight when Shiro yells at him when they get back to the castle.
In fact, now that he was stealing glances at Keith, he noticed his face was…..different. Aside from his normal angry scowl, Lance could swear there was a tint of yellow mixed between the beautiful purple iris. His mouth wasn’t really even a scowl, more akin to that of a growling Galra.
Everyone is aware of Keith’s heritage, but, he also knows that his Galra side tends to show whenever things get super ugly and he’s extremely mad.
Did he….did he screw up that badly that Keith got mad enough until his Galra side started bleeding out like that?
-“Keith, are you okay?”- His hand was trying to reach out to his shoulder but he stopped when he was met with a horrible glare.
The eyes that held power and almost the entire galaxy in them, now only held hate and disgust. Keith looked him up and down for a moment before putting more speed on his jet pack, wanting to get to Red already.
It hurt.
It hurt, so, so much.
No, not right now.
Now’s not the time to be weak.
Lance keeps going, now behind Keith.
They all get into their Lions and start flying away. The trip back wouldn’t be long, maybe half of a varga perhaps. The castle had to be left out of reach of the Galra cruise, since currently their particle shield was still not working.
He wished it didn’t have to be this way. The silence leaves opportunity for people to talk to him. Yell at him.
He can feel Blue purring reassurances to him, he knows better than to ignore his Lion. He receives them, but he lets them fly past him.
-“Lance.”- There it was. Shiro would never miss the opportunity. There was no way he would give any mercy to Lance after whatever it is he just ruined.
-“Shiro, I’m sorry.”- he didn’t know what he did wrong, so he could only apologize in general. Asking questions would only make everyone angrier.
-“You…You don’t even know what you did wrong, do you?”- Pidge had someone managed to read his mind or something.
-“I…”- his silence was very telling.
-“Ughh Lance!”- Pidge was furious. Different groans of annoyance and anger could be heard from the other Lions and even form the castle comms.
-“Goddammit, Lance!”- Keith added.
He doesn’t know what he did wrong.
He feels like he wants to cry, but he can’t. His Lion’s feed was still open and everyone could see him, he can’t cry right now.
It was all his fault anyways.
Panic is rising again.