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This wasn’t planned. But the heavens conspired into Robert turning up at the Woolpack in Aaron’s black shirt- yes, the one that he wore for Robert on his birthday. It was something! Robert’s sun kissed golden hair, his slightly tanned freckled skin from their recent holiday and his signature fragrance from his expensive shower gel. Robert looked so beautiful and tall in Aaron’s black shirt and his dark blue jeans. It almost made him look surreal...like he belonged at a movie premier or the opening of a fancy nightclub in Hotten and not behind the bar, in the Woolpack, on a regular Tuesday. But Robert was just coming in for his shift, to earn a few quid.
Robert’s internal monologue
It was hard enough to get a job in this climate without the added tag of a convicted murderer gracing his CV. So, he was better off being a silent partner in the businesses and earning a few extra bobs for pocket money behind the bar. Plus, it was a good way to catch up on all the gossip in the village. If Robert had to “rehabilitate” into the village he needed to know everything that was going on and even though he loved his family dearly, they were absolutely hopeless when it came to village gossip. Liv had eyes only for Vinny and Aaron would rather do algebra than listen to village gossip. At times like these, he missed the Whites, especially Seb’s mum- they would give MI6 a run for their money when it came to curating water cooler chat. I mean, sure, that family had ruined his life, Chrissie had merely falsely convicted his brother and sent him on the run and her younger sister, Seb’s mum had only casually seduced him on one of the worst nights of his life and then calculatedly used their son as leverage to ruin his relationship with Aaron, Robert’s step-son Lachlan had tried to kill him only three times and his darling ex-father-in-law had tried to have sex with him in a hotel room, knowing full well that his daughter was about to have Robert’s child….but….credit where credit is due…they did gossip well. So, did Robert. In fact, it sometimes frustrated him that Robert had to get his husband drunk to really open up about what he really thought of his extended family.
*****
So, here was Robert, on a regular Tuesday, wearing a black shirt, blue jeans, reporting for his duty to Charity who, to her credit, managed to keep her opinions about Robert’s unusual clothing choice to herself. He wasn’t so lucky with the others. From wolf-whistles and polite banter from ladies to annoying banter from the so-called Men’s Club that he had been roped into by his sort-of father-in-law Paddy, he pretty much got everything he was dreading. He plastered a polite smile on his face and started his shift. The thing is, this much attention to his body sent shivers down his spine and a panic through his system. In prison, it could well mean that you would end up on someone’s list as a target for sexual assault. The whole idea was to blend in and not stand out. But Robert stood out. There was no way, with his looks, his intellect, his reputation and his sexuality, that he could blend in. So, he had to accept being visible and also be able to stand his ground. Andy Dufrasne had nothing on him, when it came to keeping the bullies at bay, befriending some of the old timers and schmoozing the prison officers. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t scared or that he hadn’t slept properly in years, worried that someone might jump him. In a flicker of an eye, Charity betrayed that she understood what Robert was going through. She had gone through it herself. And perhaps that is why he was the recipient of her empathy. Robert looked around and saw Aaron at his usual corner booth. Surprisingly, he didn’t come over to the bar with his drink like usually did when Robert was on shift. Instead, he kept staring in Robert’s direction, though not particularly at Robert with a knowing smile on his face while slowly sipping his beer. Robert wanted to go over and ask if everything was alright…he still worried sometimes…but Amy, Tracy, Macy and God knows how many other Cs came to the bar and noisily demanded to be served by Robert. So, Robert had to muster all his will power to draw his attention away from his husband, put his Robert Sugden face on and get on with his job.
****
Aaron’s Internal Monologue
Aaron had taken Robert to Spain for a holiday. Which is why he was all tanned and freckled and looking even more gorgeous in Aaron’s black shirt. It should be illegal for someone to be this gorgeous on a regular Tuesday, Aaron couldn’t help thinking...and then he flinched at the implication.
Aaron had taken Robert to Spain…
….so the opposite direction of Italy, where Aaron had gone to “find himself”, to see what a life without his best friend and his soulmate had to offer.. Turns out, he needn’t have bothered. The excursion lasted all of three months. And once the sun left the bright blue waters of Italy, so did Aaron. He found himself, much to his own indignation, buying a ticket to the Isle of Wight. Then, as if on autopilot, he found a job in a garage, became mates with the owner, Charlie and his loving family, and became co-owner of the garage. During all this, Aaron never once contacted his family or told them what he was up to.
Not that he was clear on what he was up to. He hadn’t really done anything with his life after Robert, except travel and pick up the same career on another island and befriend some new people. And yet it felt like he was a whole new person!- someone who was happy, who was being true to himself and that he finally had people around him who understood him even though they didn’t always understand him.
For example, his mate, nay his brother Charlie, never understood what was the point of relocating to the Isle of Wight if he was not going to contact his husband…sorry ex-husband, as Aaron insisted.
[The word ex was very important to Aaron because Robert had sent the papers, he had signed them and then the final decree had been sent by Robert’s lawyers as an early anniversary present- Aaron had confided in Charlie once, not even trying to hide his heartbreak and anger.
So, then why was Aaron doing this? Why was he here? Charlie had once asked, letting curiosity get the better of him.
And without hesitation, Aaron had replied, because it is not just up to him to decide about our relationship and its future.
At various points in our relationship and in our marriage, Robert called the shots and I went along. He kissed me first, we had an affair, he got married, he proposed to me…or at least tried to, he also tried to have us married before I went to prison ... .didn't work out so well- Aaron chuckled at the whole Faith fiasco. Then, after everything…after all that, he decided to disappear, cut off all contact and sent me the divorce papers through his lawyers via post…the c*unt didn’t even have the courage to look me in the eye. Aaron's voice broke- with more anger than grief, when he told Charlie.
And each time I went along, Aaron continued, wiping the tears off his face with his sweatshirt paws (like always)... first because I thought this was an adventure and I didn’t care and then, because Robert needed time to figure himself out. And finally, when Robert sent me the divorce papers, I was so hurt and so angry. I felt like the control had been taken away from me…like it had been taken away from me in my childhood and in my youth…that I simply had to accept what was being handed to me regarding the most important relationship of my adult life. And all my family had to offer was “move on”!! But what about the injustice of what had just happened! How could I move on….how could anyone think I could move on without righting the wrong?! Aaron’s face was questioning, his voice high pitched, his heart thumping in his chest so loudly that Charlie could almost hear it.
Charlie had no clue how to respond. He didn’t even have half the details, because Aaron mostly spoke about how he felt about the situation and hadn’t really told him what the situation actually had been. He certainly didn’t know what Aaron meant about his childhood and he didn’t need to. Charlie just wanted to support his friend, no, his brother- who had saved him, his husband Nick and their two kids from financial ruin by investing his personal savings into the garage to get it back up and running.
After a few deep breaths, Aaron continued but now he was smiling knowingly. Eventually, I realised that the only way I was going to find peace and be true to myself is if I took back control over my life and my future. I am Aaron Sugden Dingle first and everything else after. So, yes, Robert can push me away. But I don’t have to walk away from my happiness. And it's not like ex-husband dear is going anywhere any time soon. Aaron chuckled to himself. He continues, a voice laced with slight malice and bitterness- All those years he spent lecturing me about clothes and fashion and Johnny Versace and now he is spending his evenings in a maroon sweatshirt and grey sweatpants!
As Charlie is scratching his head wondering if Johnny Versace is some famous Emmerdale tailor who wants to pay homage to the great House of Versace, Aaron reprimands himself, though he is still amused by his own joke and the irony of the situation. Robert would find it funny too…if he was here. So why isn’t Robert here?
****
“Hey! Everything alright?” Robert’s voice interrupts Aaron’s walk down memory lane. He looks up from his beer to see Robert’s earnest face desperately searching Aaron’s eyes for answers. Robert looks anxious. And Aaron softens. In Aaron’s mind and heart, Robert in distress is unacceptable - he simply won’t allow it. Doesn’t matter if Robert is his husband or not, doesn’t matter if they are broken up or not, doesn’t matter if they are speaking or not. Robert is Aaron’s and Aaron’s alone and whether anyone, including Robert, agrees or not, keeping Robert safe and on the straight and narrow is Aaron’s life’s mission. It is well known that Aaron is possessive about his family. But his possessiveness about Robert is a whole different level. And over the years, Aaron has come to accept that he doesn’t like this fact questioned, challenged or discussed by anyone. It is part of who he is.
“Aaron!” Robert almost shouts more out of panic than anything else.
“Yes, I’m fine!” Aaron plays it down. “Can’t a man enjoy a cold one after a long day’s work and admire his husband in a black shirt from a distance?” Aaron tries with a slight smile. Robert immediately relaxes. Even blushes a little. This kind of attention, he does like. “Yes of course” Robert replies. “Only, the husband doesn’t have to look from a distance. He can sit at the bar and be closer…he can get as close as he wants” Robert tries, lowering his voice.
“Now, now! What kind of husband would I be if I distract mine from earning some well-deserved tips that he is sure to get tonight from these ladies who seem to have come out of the woodwork to order drinks from you.” Aaron says surveying the room with a certain amount of wariness as if he worries that these so-called ladies might follow Robert and land up at his table to bother his oasis of peace. “Date-night is tomorrow, husband. Don’t forget! And you are paying! So, earn whatever extra-cash you can get so that we can do something nice for once”.
Date night is sacred to them. Wild Wednesdays, they call it. Anything can happen, nothing is off the table. Each takes turns to plan and pay for the week. And it can be anything from wildly funny and ridiculous to wildly hot, sweaty and full of sex- Dealer’s choice. And the other one just has to accept and play along. Aaron and Robert have never taken anything more seriously in their lives. It makes them feel alive and so in love. Because, when your best friend and soulmate is also your husband, whether you are covering Paddy’s clinic with toilet paper for locking Aaron inside the Mill or making out under that tree where Robert gave Aaron his watch and asked him to wait, you eventually end up in bed giggling and go to sleep with a smile on your face, knowing that there is nowhere else you would rather be.
Aaron and Robert look at each other and smile. “Right!” Aaron says abruptly standing up. “I am going home to make dinner. Finish your shift and come home, yeah?!”.... “And” Aaron continues, lowering his voice and bringing his mouth close to Robert’s ear such that Aaron’s breath tickles Robert’s throat, “ don’t take off that shirt until I tell you to”.
And with that, Aaron is gone, leaving Robert slightly bewildered and very uncomfortable. He still has two hours of his shift left!!