Work Text:
There are many things that Peter could never prepare for, not even after seven years of knowing and being friends with these people. And one of the last things that he expects is for Lily to come storming into the common room with Mary and Marlene in tow, huffing and absolutely fuming, muttering ‘I can’t believe it!’
Remus glances up from his book while the red-head storms over to the couch and throws herself onto it next to him, “What’s up, Lils?”
And there is pure fury in the normally calm girl's face when she fully turns to him, crosses her arms, and huffs, “You know what Severus just did to me?”
The words almost immediately catch Sirius and James’ attention, both of them turning with their full attention on. Sirius pushes, “What did Snivillus do to you?”
Lily licks her teeth and rolls her eyes with a huff of not-at-all humoured laughter, “I just had a fucking Slytherin first year come up to me and ask how I let him get with me.”
“What?” James asks,--almost demands immediately sitting all the way up from where he was laying. And, both to the complete surprise and also not at all shock of Pete, he sounds absolutely pissed. And when James Potter--the nicest, most forgiving guy Peter will ever meet--sounds like he’s ready to kill a man, you know you’ve done messed up.
Marlene snarls from where she’s sat herself next to him, “Yeah, apparently he’s been telling the whole school that Lily didn’t agree to date you because she was with him.”
“That’s so genuinely fucked up!” Sirius calls, throwing his arms up. He immediately whirls to look between Peter, James, and Remus, “What are we gonna do about it?”
“Oh the things I want to do, or have you guys do,” Lily starts, “I’d rather you not do lest you get sent to Azkaban.”
And after a couple seconds of anger-filled silence, James finally speaks up, “Then we don’t have to do anything.”
“What do you mean?” Remus asks, fully closing his book and starting to stand up with James.
And the smile that James gives their group is absolutely devilish, yet there’s so much innocence in it, “I have just the thing that we can do. And the best part is, we don’t have to lift a finger.” The man then throws his flannel on from where it had been bundled up next to him and he stalks towards the portrait, making the entire group stand up to follow him.
“Where are you going, Prongs?” Sirius asks, stalking to stand right next to his friend who’s staring straight forward with his jaw set.
And James still doesn’t look at him, just focuses on watching the stairs that he’s climbing down, “Going to fix this, Pads.”
Then the group falls into silence other than the occasional hushed whisper as they all follow James throughout the halls, still unsure of where they're going and without James answering a single one of their questions.
Until finally, Marlene walks up to her childhood friend and questions, “Why are we going to the Slytherin dorms?”
James just gives her a smile, “You’ll see.” The expression and the words send a chill down the spines of his friends, they’re cold and cruel. Angry.
“Oh please don’t tell me we’re going to see Snivillus.” Sirius nearly pleads, grabbing onto James’ upper arm with both hands and gripping until his fingers are white.
The taller shakes his head, “We’re not.” He then walks up to the entrance, mutters the password--and Pete has genuinely no clue how James knows it--then stalks right in.
And sure there are several students lingering around the common room that glare or gawk at them, but James powers right through. He heads towards the 6th year dorms and straight to one particular door, knocking twice and shouting, “If anyone is naked in there, you have five seconds to get dressed!” Then he waits for about five seconds before throwing the door open.
When the group ends inside, Regulus is sitting on his bed reading and Evan and Barty look like they were mid… something. Regulus sighs and looks up from his book and both Evan and Barty are glaring at the intruders.
“Well,” Regulus sighs, “They weren’t naked yet but for once I appreciate your presence, James. Reading is awful hard with these two snogging right next to you.”
James smiles at him, but it’s tense. He whirls on Barty and Evan, “I need you two to do something for me.”
Barty crosses his arms, half pouting, “Why would I do anything for you?”
“Because you’ll enjoy it.” James simply shrugs. He stalks his way towards the bed that the two are laying on and leans into them and all that the group is able to hear is, “Rumor has it-” before he leans in and whispers low enough that none of the others in the room can hear it. He pulls away and puts a sweet smile on his face, tilting his head, “Can you two spread that around for me? And make sure that it doesn’t end up being traced back to me… or Lily.”
Barty nods his head quite enthusiastically--he clearly enjoys whatever James said to him. However Evan furrows his brows, “And why do we need to spread that around?”
“Because he has decided that it was in his best interest to start telling the entire school that Miss Lily Evans was dating him and that’s why she rejected me.”
“He did what?” Another, very angry voice comes from the doorway. The group turns to see that Dorcas, likely drawn to the crowd, is standing in the doorway, an eyebrow quirked, lips pressed into a line, and her arms crossed.
Lily nods, “He did. And when I confronted him about it, he said that me wanting to be with him was clearly the only reason that I wouldn’t date James. To make it worse, he knows that I’m a lesbian.”
“Oh and I bet he’s one of those fuckin’ ‘you just haven’t found the right guy yet’ guys isn’t he?” Sirius snaps.
“I hadn’t thought so.” Lily shrugs, “But apparently I was wrong.”
“We’ll do it.” Evan says, conviction evident in his voice. And Barty looks genuinely elated that his boyfriend agreed.
“Thank you.” James turns back to them and smiles, “And if you don’t think the events that unfold are worthy enough, let me know what I owe you.”
“That’s a dangerous game,” Regulus hums, eyes back on his book, “You should know that Barty and Evan don’t play nice when there’s something to be owed on the line.”
“You're right, but I also know that Barty and Evan are going to revel in this entire situation.” James shrugs. Then he turns back to Evan and Barty, “Alright, do your stuff. I want this to be spread around at least by lunchtime tomorrow.” The two nod and James turns on his heel and walks out of the room, the rest of his posse following him like before.
And when they make it out of the Slytherin common room, there are quite a few questions to be asked, and Sirius just happens to break the tension with the main one everyone’s thinking, “What’d you say to them?”
And James gives Sirius another smile, this one so genuine and so familiar that it’s almost odd after all that just happened and his previous anger, “If those two do their job, you’ll find out tomorrow.”
“How do you know it’ll get around that fast?” Peter asks next.
“Because I know that Barty is a powerhouse of drama and that the Slytherins happen to be absolute gluttons for anything they can blackmail or hold over people.” James shrugs, his smile yet to drop.
“And you’re sure it’s not going to come back to us?” Lily pushes, “I don’t really feel like having to face Severus again.”
James nods, “Pretty sure. Those two are good at covering tracks and once it’s started, no one will be able to tell where it comes from. And Regulus is good at keeping his mouth shut.”
Marlene throws her arm around him with a laugh, “How in the hell do you know all this?”
James’ smile widens and he looks at his childhood friend, “You remember three months ago when that one Slytherin student was suspended from school because people had started to talk about all the illegal shit they were doing?”
And from the other side of him to Marlene, Sirius’ mouth drops, “You didn’t.”
James shrugs, his tone casual, “He had been making comments about Reggie and Pandora and it wasn’t hard to use my cloak to get some dirt on him. Then Evan and Barty took it and spread it like wildfire.” He’s smiling wide enough that his teeth show, “And he got caught for it, because it’s not like I lied, and got suspended and not a single person thought to point fingers at Barty and Evan for starting it, let alone even breathed in the direction of the Gryffindor house.”
Marlene lets out an absolute cackle and she smacks James on the back a couple times, hard enough that it sounds like it hurts, “Oh you absolute genius! I could kiss you.”
“Please don’t. I love you, Marls, but…”
“Oh like I would either way.” Marlene smiles. She lets go, grabs Lily’s and Mary’s hands, and starts skipping off, laughing the entire time.
And when the girls have turned a corner, Remus turns to James, “Was that really you?”
James nods, “Yeah. Mum always believed in people getting their natural consequences but dad always secretly found ways to speed up those consequences. I learned from the best.”
“I knew there would be an evil side to Monty and Effie Potter.” Sirius says, throwing his arm around James since Marlene’s is no longer there.
“Oh yeah,” Pete starts, “They were always subtle in that stuff but they were incredibly petty. Knew how to hold a grudge like no other.”
James nods and smiles, “Dad also taught me how to cover my tracks. Barty and Evan are good enough that I have a feeling, even with our bad relationship with Snivillus, students won’t believe him if he were to tell people that one of us or Lily spread it around.”
<><><><><>
And it turns out that Barty and Evan are much better than James had realized.
The next morning, they’re sitting all together at their table during breakfast when a second year approaches Lily, apprehensively, “I’m sorry, you’re Lily Evans, right?”
Lily turns around, a sweet smile on her face, though it’s a bit tense, “That’s me, did you need something?”
“Is it true that you’re dating Severus Snape?”
The girl flicks her hair over her shoulder and she lets out a small, bitter laugh, “No, we’re not dating. At this current moment, I'd do anything to never have to see him again.”
The second year starts to sweat and they rub the back of their neck, “Right, sorry for asking.”
“You’re alright.” She assures. The student turns and walks away and Lily turns back to the table, grinding her teeth, “James, when do you think the whole thing you started yesterday is going to kick in?”
James sends a glance towards the Slytherin table and he notices that everyone is whispering, many students looking from their huddles towards where Snape is sitting with a triumphant grin. Regulus turns around and catches James’ eye, mouthing, “One out of four.”
James nods and turns back to his friend with a smile, “Now that most of the Slytherins have caught on, not that long. I would imagine that most people are talking about it by lunch.”
Sirius nods, impressed, “You’re right, they do work fast.”
“They like the chaos.” James shrugs, “And like I said, Slytherins are gluttons for any drama they can get their hands on. I imagine the Hufflepuffs will be the next to know, followed shortly by the Ravenclaws, then the Gryffindors are going to get curious enough that they finally find out and start spreading it around.”
“Hey James,” Pete starts, “How do you know this much about the Slytherins?”
“Yeah, you keep saying things so sure about yourself, Prongs.” Sirius nods, furrowing his brows at his best friend, “And you knew the password to get in and you knew where their dorm was, and none of them seemed very surprised when you came in.”
And James is silent for a second before he offers a small smile, “Let’s just say that I have… inside sources and I mean, you know that I’ve worked with Barty and Evan before.” He shrugs with one shoulder and takes another bite of his food.
~~~~~
And just as James had predicted, by the time that lunch rolls around, everyone is talking about the rumor that James spread. There are hushed whispers coming from all tables and it seems like the pride that Snape had previously has deflated into something more pathetic.
Finally, Remus turns to one of the Gryffindor students he’s sitting next to--a third year, Pete thinks--and asks, “Hey, what’s everyone talking about?”
The student gives him a look, “You don’t know?” Remus shakes his head and the student takes a deep breath, “Well, I heard from a friend that heard from a friend that heard from some of the older Slytherins that Severus Snape is a half-blood and that’s like a huge deal for Slytherins.”
Remus furrows his brows and tilts his head, “Oh, is that what everyone’s saying?”
“That’s what I heard.” They nod.
Then their friend who’s sitting across the table from them, sitting next to Sirius, adds, “A lot of Slytherins are really mad about it.”
“How did they learn about it?” James asks, pushing to make sure that the two sixth years did a good cover up job.
The student shrugs, “I heard that one of them saw him saying goodbye to his parents and one of them was apparently a muggle. I think it was a sixth year but I’m not sure.”
Remus nods and smiles at them, “Thank you two.”
The first third year pipes up, “Of course, I’m kind of shocked you guys hadn’t heard about it until now.”
Peter shrugs, “We’ve been a bit busy today so we might’ve just missed people talking about it.” The third year nods and turns back to their friends, the group beginning to talk about how they hope that the group being ‘busy’ likely means another prank on Slytherin or the professors.
Remus then turns to James and hisses, “Really? That’s what you chose to have them spread?”
James shrugs, “It’s not wrong, is it? If he gets in trouble somehow it’s not over something untrue. And it’s going to cause enough of an uproar and if he tries to say anything about it leading back to Lily, we can just ask why she would care about him being a half-blood.”
From a couple seats down, Lily hums, “But what does that do for his lying about me?”
“You tell me,” says a voice from behind her. Regulus is now standing at the Gryffindor table, his arms crossed, “When someone with a reputation such as Snape turns out to be lying about being a pure-blood this entire time, who is going to trust him? And it gets the attention off of you.”
James nods, “And we all know that this school jumps from topic to topic everytime the wind changes direction.” He then turns to fully look at Regulus, “Did you need something, Baby Black?”
“Barty and Evan sent me to tell you to meet them in the astronomy tower after this.”
“I’ll do that then.” James nods with a smile. Regulus nods back, turns on his heel, and stalks away.
Once he’s stalked back over to his table, Sirius turns to face James and grabs his shoulders, shaking them, “You are a genius Prongs! I’m so in love with you. I don’t even care that you’ve been working with the Slytherin behind our backs.”
James laughs and puts his hand on Sirius’ to stop him from shaking him, “I love you too, Pads. Now finish your lunch, it’s getting cold.” Sirius nods and removes his hands from James’ shoulders, whipping around to his food.
~~~~~
After they finish lunch, James excuses himself and heads up towards the astronomy tower to meet Evan, Barty, and likely Regulus. And when he gets up there, all three are sitting around the tower talking and laughing--well Evan and Barty are laughing, Regulus is more rolling his eyes at their antics.
“So Reggie wasn’t lying to just get me alone up here.” James smiles as he clears the steps. The three turn to look at him.
Evan nods, “No, he didn’t. I sent him ‘cause I figured it’d be the least suspicious.”
“Well I appreciate that. What’d you want to talk about?” James asks, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.
“Well, two things. We wanted to tell you that you’re off the hook. The look on his face all day has been just delightful.” Evan starts, “And second, I wanted to ask you if that was true. I mean he’s been all pale and stuff.”
James nods, “Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it. And yeah, it’s true. Lily’s known him for a long time and told a couple of us several years back to like justify her friendship with him or something.” He jerks his chin in the direction of the two, “You guys did a good cover up. Remus asked about it at lunch and the student, at least, was none the wiser.”
Barty stands up and very dramatically bows, “Glad to be of valuable service.”
From across the astronomy tower, Regulus rolls his eyes once again, “Alright, stop with the dramatics, Barty. Leave us alone now.”
Barty tilts his head a bit and smirks at him, “What, you want alone time with your boyfriend now?”
“Preferably, yes.” Regulus bites out, “Evan take your boyfriend to annoy someone else.”
Evan gives Regulus a grin that looks like he’s about to say something but stands up and grabs Barty by the arm nonetheless, “You two have fun. Don’t shag up here!”
“Get your mind out of the gutter!” Regulus calls back. Then once he’s sure they’re down and far away, Regulus stands and grabs James’ hand, pulling him towards the center of the room, “Proud of what you did?”
James nods, “Oh very. I’ve been wanting to scream that from the rooftops since Lily told me, but I promised her I wouldn’t.”
The shorter smiles at him and presses a kiss to his lips, “How badly did you get questioned by your friends.”
“I was able to get them off my back quickly,” James shrugs, a large smile growing on his face, “How have you enjoyed watching everything unfold?”
“It’s been entertaining. Evan told me what you said to them after you guys left. They ran out of the dorm as soon as I knew and by morning…”
“They’re scarily good at spreading rumors. I really hope they don’t have a reason to spread one about me.”
Regulus gives him a sly smile, “Just don’t break my heart.”
“I could never.” James’ smile turns into something smaller, something more fond. He cups his boyfriend’s face and pulls him into a gentle kiss.
Regulus only parts an inch or two from his lips to say against them, “You’re right. If either of us broke the other's heart, it'd be me breaking yours.” James huffs a laugh and closes the distance once again
When they pull away, Regulus rolls his eyes but nonetheless says, “Y’know. It’s quite hot, what you did. And when you did it for that one kid a while back.”
James smiles, “Just doing it how my parents taught me, love.”