Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Raz could admit that reading the new Halloween issue of True Psychic Tales alone, in the woods, after dark, was maybe not his smartest idea, but upon noticing the unmistakable feeling of someone standing silently behind him, could he really be blamed for spinning around with telekinetic fists swinging?

The figure dodged, slamming into a tree as they did so. When they let out a string of curse words, Raz realized he recognized the voice.

“Frazie?”

He could see his older sister a little better now, as she rubbed the shoulder that had hit the tree hardest. “Yeah, it’s me, Pooter. Fuck , that hurt. Why’d you do that?”

“How was I supposed to know it was you? You didn’t even throw anything at me!”

Frazie stuck out her tongue a little bit. “Listen, Poots, just ‘cause you think you’re the main character of life doesn’t mean I have to be a one-note side character. I contain multitudes.”

“Wh-I don’t think I’m the main character of life!” Raz put a hand to his chest in false offense. “You’re thinking of Norma.”

Frazie laughed, but it wasn’t her normal, full-of-life laugh. It sounded too sharp, too uncomfortable, the way she laughed when Dion made a joke at the expense of psychics. 

Raz’s brow furrowed. “Are you okay? Is something wrong?”

Frazie’s smile faltered, and she sat down gingerly next to Raz on the forest floor. “Not…wrong, exactly.” She paused, as if unsure what to say next. “Mom wanted me to tell you, she’s decided on a date.”

“For the family’s next show?” Raz asked. His stomach sank as he processed what that meant.

Frazie nodded. “Well, yeah. It’s a while away, but Mom wanted to allow for travel time, and give us time to get settled, and…what I was trying to say is that we’re leaving in a week.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” She looked over at him. “I’m assuming you want to stay here.”

Of course he did. It was the Psychonauts. It was everything he’d ever dreamed of. He opened his mouth to say so, but all that came out was, “I–” and then the tears started coming.

He wasn’t expecting that at all. He’d never been much of a crier, even as a baby, but for some reason all of a sudden there were sobs wracking his body, and he heard his sister whisper, “aw, c’mon, Raspy,” before her strong arms wrapped around him. He must have seemed in a bad way if she was willing to put up with him getting tears and snot on her shawl.

He didn’t know how long he stayed like that for, shaking and wailing like an injured toddler, but by the time he pulled away, his head was pounding and stuffy. He sniffed and ran his sleeve across his runny nose.

“Gross, Raz,” Frazie complained. “Don’t wipe your nose on the nice coat Agent Nein gave you. Here.” She reached into her skirt pocket and pulled out a pack of tissues.

“Thanks.” Raz wiped his eyes, blew his nose, and then looked back up at her. “So, I guess you anticipated I was gonna freak out about this?”

Frazie shrugged. “I dunno why, but I had a feeling.”

“Maybe it’s our psychic connection,” Raz teased, smiling weakly.

“Yeah, yeah.” Frazie rolled her eyes. “Why did you freak out so much? I mean, coming from the family runaway…”

“I…don’t know.” She had a point. He’d spent so long desperately trying to get away from his family, and now that he really was, he couldn’t handle the idea. “I guess…when I ran away, I didn’t really think it through. I just shoved some stuff in a bag and left. I didn’t think about how I would, like, actually survive on my own without a family.” He paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to put his overwhelming feelings into words. “And…things are different now, right? I don’t feel like I have to hide anymore. Our family won’t ever be perfect, but we’re better than we were before. I think we’re…how we were always supposed to be.”

“Desperately grappling with the fact that everything we thought we knew was a lie?” Frazie suggested. When Raz didn’t laugh, she added, “No, but I get what you mean, though. Like, I’ve been thinking about what our family would have been like if Maligula had never existed, and Ford hadn’t had to alter Nona’s and Dad’s memories. And this morning I saw Queepie showing Mom some levitation skills Morris taught him, and she was smiling and clapping and just looked so proud of him. I think if things had been different, there would have been more moments like that.”

Raz blinked, somewhat overcome at the idea of his mom being proud of her kids’ psychic prowess. “Yeah, exactly. I feel like before, all of the bad stuff kinda obscured the good. And now that all the lies are gone, I can focus on stuff like…how much I love you guys.”

His voice cracked on the last few words, and Frazie smacked him lightly on the shoulder. “C’mon, Pooter, you know how I feel about being sappy.” But after a second, she still added, “And I love you too.”

“You could stay, you know that, right?” Raz’s voice sounded smaller than he wanted it to. “There’s always room in the intern program. You could be able to train with other psychics your age. And…and stay with me.”

“Raz,” Frazie sighed, “you know I can’t do that. I never wanted to be a Psychonaut. I want to keep performing.” She seemed to deliberate for a moment before adding, “And besides…Agent Forsythe already offered me and Dion both an opportunity. For the summer.”

“What did she…” Raz trailed off as he realized what she was saying. “Are…you going to be a camp counselor? At Whispering Rock?” Frazie nodded. “And wait, what’s Dion going to do? He’s not, y’know, psychic.”

“He doesn’t need to be. The position gives me an opportunity to work on honing my powers, but he’s doing more of just regular counselor stuff. Same way there are janitors and stuff at the Motherlobe who aren’t psychic. Honestly, I think they’re just running low on summer camp staff who don’t have any world domination plots in the works.”

“Hey, Coach is done with all that!”

“Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Frazie stood, brushing herself off. “Anyways, I’ll let you get back to reading your nerdy little comic book.”

Raz wanted to say no, stay, I want to keep talking to you, but his mouth wouldn’t form the words. Instead he landed on, “g’night, Frazie.”

“Night.” She sighed. “You know we’ll come back, right? It’s not like we’re leaving forever. We’ll come back for holidays and stuff like that. And we’ll write to you. And call you whenever we’re staying somewhere with a phone. I guarantee you, once you’re on the phone with Mom and she’s asking you a million questions about whether you’re eating enough and staying fit and how things are going with Lili, you’ll forget why you ever missed us. Plus, Nona’s still staying here with Ford.” She grimaced a little—Frazie held a grudge against Ford that would probably last decades.

“You’ll come back for my eleventh birthday in a few months, right?” Raz asked quietly.

 “Jesus Christ, your eleventh birthday. That’s too many. Makes me feel old to even think about that. Yeah, we’ll come back, if you aren’t too distracted by the million presents you’ll get because everyone here is nuts about you for some reason.” With that, she raised both arms over her head and cartwheeled off into the woods. Raz stared blankly at his comic, trying to process the past few minutes, before he heard Frazie’s voice add, “oh, and Razputin?”

“Hmm?” Raz looked up at the use of his full name, certain that meant she wanted to tell him something else heartfelt or important. Instead, he was met with the packet of tissues hitting him square in the forehead. He looked around for where Frazie had gone, but there was no trace of her, only her cheerful, cackling laughter.

Chapter Text

Raz decided it would be best to approach his family members one at a time to clear any air that needed to be cleared before they left, like he had with Frazie. It was like going through a mind–you did one section at a time, addressing each issue methodically as it came up. He didn’t know whether dealing with real world situations like mental world ones was, necessarily, the right way to do it, but he was better at the latter anyway, so it was worth a try. 

It also helped that he woke up to a good starting point literally staring him dead in the face. 

“Tala,” he groaned. “What time is it?”

“Uh…I think…like five in the morning?” Mirtala sniffled and blinked hard, her lip wobbling.

That had Raz sitting bolt upright. Unlike him, Mirtala was a crier—recent culprits of her waterworks included the Questionable Area bathroom having a spider in it, a bumped funny bone, the movie My Neighbor Totoro, and finding out that dogs couldn’t eat chocolate. The expression she was currently sporting was classing pre-tears Tala. “Whoa whoa whoa, hey, what’s up?”

Mirtala’s only response was, as predicted, an immediate fit of crying, along with an anguished noise along the lines of, “FRAYSEDYRNOCOMGWITHUSSSSS.”

Raz couldn’t even begin to decipher that, so he just pulled her into a hug much like Frazie had done for him last night. Once her crying had calmed a little, he asked her, “What’s going on? I couldn’t understand you the first time.”

Tala hiccuped, rubbing her eyes. “Frazie said you’re not coming with us.”

Raz’s heart sank as he looked into her big, wet blue eyes. “Aw, Tala…”

“Is it ‘cause Mama and Papa said fortune tellers are bad?”

Raz sighed, putting a hand on his little sister’s shoulder. “How about we talk about it while I help you with your hair, ‘kay?”

Tala sniffled again. “Okay.”

Raz gathered up a comb, pomade, ribbons, and the two little bells Mirtala loved so much, and led her to the Lumberstack (the bathrooms there were so much less gross than the ones in the campsite, despite the fact that there were literally mushrooms growing out of the toilets.) He positioned Mirtala in front of the mirror and began to comb her long, curly auburn hair. 

“How come you’re not coming with us?” Tala asked him, sounding a little calmer.

“I have work to do here now,” Raz explained as he began to comb the pomade in. “I need to keep learning about my powers so I can use them to help people, and this is the best place to do that.”

“So it isn’t ‘cause you don’t love us anymore?” asked Tala quietly.

Raz was stunned into silence for a second at the idea that such a thought would even cross her mind, but regained himself quickly. “Of course I still love you guys. I’m sad about it too. And Frazie promised you’re gonna come back to see me, so it’s not like I’m going away forever.”

“Yeah.” Tala stayed silent and still for a second. Then: “Do Mama and Papa really not hate fortune tellers any more?”

“Psychics,” Raz corrected absently.

“I thought that was the same thing. Ow, you’re pulling!”

“Sorry.” Raz loosened the braid he was working on. “It is the same thing. ‘Fortune teller’ just isn’t a very nice way to say it.”

“Oh. So they don’t hate psychics anymore?” 

“Dad is a psychic, remember? He just didn’t know it before. And Mom is…she’s having a hard time, because she used to think psychics put the curse on us. But now that she knows the curse isn’t real, and that me and Dad and Nona and Queepie and Frazie are psychics too, she’s trying to be nicer about it.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I think it’s cool.”

“I’m glad you do.” Raz smiled as he tied the second bell into place. “All done! What do you think?”

Mirtala shook her head from side to side, grinning at the jingling. “Perfect! Thanks!” 

“No problem.” Raz reached for the pomade and went to put some into his own hair.

“Are you gonna make your hair flat again?” asked Tala.

“Mm-hmm.”

Tala cocked her head to the side, examining him. “I like it better the way it is. You look like Papa.” With that, she skipped away.

Raz looked at himself in the mirror for a minute. Huh. He did kinda look like his dad. He’d started doing it the way he usually did to mimic Sasha’s style, but now that he thought about it, maybe subconsciously he had wanted to prove that he wasn’t going to become his dad. It felt like it had been so long ago that he had feared his father hated him.

He wiped his hand on a towel, put the lid back on the pomade container, and went after his sister.

Chapter Text

As Raz made his way up the rail to the treehouse, the first thing that he noticed was that the song playing was, astonishingly, not “Welcome to my Mind” by The Hi-Fives. Instead, it was a funky song with a catchy bassline.

“Hey, Razputin!” Morris greeted him cheerfully as he got to the top of the ladder. Queepie didn’t acknowledge his older brother whatsoever–typical.

“Hey guys. What are we playing?”

“You’re breaking my heart here, kid.” Morris held up an album cover reading “Queen.” “Don’t tell me you’ve never heard ‘Another One Bites the Dust.’”

“Doesn’t ring a bell,” Raz answered earnestly. It seemed familiar, but his knowledge of music was very all over the place–mostly the calliope music that played during their performances, plus old music that his parents had on records and the occasional song from a radio station they’d tune into on a long drive. He didn’t usually know titles or artists. “Wait, are these the same guys that did the really long weird song with all the ‘Galileo’s?”

“You mean ‘Bohemian Rhapsody?’ The best song in the world? Yeah, that’s Queen too.” He gestured to a stack of records beside him. “My tío sent me a bunch of new records, so KLOB just got a whole lot more variety.”

Queepie finally spoke up, grinning and plucking an album off the pile with so fast Raz couldn’t read what it said. “Play this one!”

“Oh yeah, this one.” Morris smiled slyly. “Yeah, okay.” He put the record on the record player, and carefully moved the needle to find the right song.

A drumbeat started up, a familiar clapping rhythm. Raz groaned and put his head in his hands as the lyrics started. There lived a certain man, in Russia long ago…

“What, you know it?” asked Morris.

“It came out while my mom was pregnant with me. It was playing in a grocery store when she was there with Frazie and Dion, and they thought it was funny. Mom and Dad hadn’t picked a name for me yet, so the twins started calling me Rasputin as a joke and it stuck so much that they ended up just naming me that when I was born. It’s spelled differently, though. Mine is with a z, not an s.”

Morris was silent for a moment, and then started cracking up. Even Queepie, who had heard the story a million times before, broke into a grin. “Your parents named you after this song?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Raz sighed. “C’mon, Queepie, Mom wants you to help pack.”

“‘Kay.” Queepie stood and started for the door. “Bye, Morris.”

“See ya,” Morris replied as the two Aquato boys left. Raz waved over his shoulder.

Once they got to the ground, Queepie started to race ahead, but Raz grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back. “Hey, wait up. I wanna talk to you.”

Queepie seemed to deliberate for a moment, and then shrugged and slowed down. “What?”

“I just wanted to check in. See how you’re feeling about leaving.”

“Fine, I guess. We do it all the time. I guess I’m kinda bummed that I won’t get to do KLOB anymore.”

That…wasn’t exactly what Raz was looking for, but whatever. “Do you think you’re gonna go to Whispering Rock next summer?”

“I dunno.” Queepie jumped to grab a ledge and swing himself up onto a higher rock. Raz followed suit. “I don’t really need to go to camp to learn psychic stuff. I’m good at figuring it out by myself.”

“Yeah, I know, but wouldn’t you like to be around other kids your age who are psychic too?” 

“No!” Queepie insisted as they approached the mouth of the mine. “I don’t like other kids.”

Raz opened his mouth to reply, but he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t blame Queepie for that–kids were cruel sometimes, and Whispering Rock was far from an exception. “Well, Dion and Frazie are gonna be there as camp counselors, so if anyone messed with you, they’d know about it.”

Queepie didn’t respond until they were walking out of the mine into the bright sunlight of the Questionable Area? “Are you gonna be there?”

“Yeah, of course!” 

“Okay. It would be cool to go if I could train with you.”

“Really?” Raz asked, surprised. Queepie was far from touchy-feely, and he always seemed to regard Raz as more of an annoyance than anything else.

“Yeah. You’re, like, super powerful and stuff. Nobody would mess with me if they knew you were my big brother.”

The corner of Raz’s mouth quirked up at the compliment. “C’mon. Let’s go find Mom and get you packed up.”

Chapter Text

Raz was a little apprehensive about talking to Dion. Sure, he’d been way nicer than usual since the Maligula incident–he’d helped Raz with chores without Mom telling him to, made soup when Raz caught Lili’s cold, even stood up for him once when Norma was making fun of him. But still…Dion was volatile. He had a short fuse, and Raz knew he was still sensitive about the whole psychic thing.

Raz watched carefully as Dion packed different platforms, trapezes, tightrope poles and other such circus paraphernalia up as compact as possible, waiting until a moment where he seemed to struggle with pulling a pole free to come up to him and ask, “Hey, d’you need any help with that?”

A flash of annoyance crossed Dion’s face, but he schooled his features into calm as he said, “Okay.”

Raz’s telekinetic hand reached out and, with a sharp tug, yanked the pole out of where it was stuck. 

“Thanks,” mumbled Dion.

“No problem,” Raz replied. And then: “Hey, Dion?”

“Mm?”

“Are you, um, doing okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be doing okay?”

“I thought you might be upset about…” A thought came into Raz’s head, and he spoke it before considering whether he should. “...being away from Gisu?”

That was, in fact, the wrong thing to say. Dion’s face set into a look of annoyance, although he also looked a little flushed. “No. It’s nothing. She’s not my girlfriend or anything.”

“I didn’t say she was your girlfriend. You’re the one who brought that into it.”

“Shut up.” Dion focused on tying up a stack of platforms. His face stayed in a forced neutral as he added,  “Are, uh…are you okay?”

“Huh? Why’d you ask?” Raz said, a little too quickly.

“Frazie said you were bummed out about us leaving.”

“Yeah.” Raz got to work on taking a trapeze down. “It’s just a big transition.”

“I bet,” said Dion absently. “Must be hard to hang out with your comic book heroes and have a fancy job and a fancy title.” Raz winced, and Dion looked up at him. “Sorry. I’m being an asshole.”

“A little bit of an asshole,” Raz agreed. “Wait, are you…jealous of me?”

“No! Of course I’m not. I don’t know why I said that.”

“Dion–”

“I just don’t get why everyone’s acting like you’re so special for doing this whole Psychonauts thing.” He leaned closer to the knot he’d been working on for longer than he needed to. and spoke so quietly, Raz wasn’t sure whether he was meant to hear it. “Just ‘cause you have fancy powers, doesn’t mean you’re better than everyone who doesn’t.”

Raz put his hand on Dion’s arm–he flinched a little, but didn’t pull away. “I don’t think I’m better than you, Dion.”

“Yeah, but Dad’s acting totally different,” Dion retorted. “Suddenly, just because he’s psychic, being psychic is the coolest thing in the world. Why can’t stuff be the way it was before?”

“Before, like, when we thought a curse was going to kill us all every day?”

Dion snorted.

“Dion…” Raz took a moment to put his words the best way he could. “The way things were before might’ve been fine for you, but the rest of us had to pretend to be someone we weren’t all the time. I mean, why do you think I ran away? I wasn’t happy. I needed to be able to be who I really was.”

“Mm. That makes sense, I guess.” Dion’s hand stalled over the rope. “It wasn’t all bad memories, right? Like, there were good things too?”

“Yeah.” Raz smiled a little bit, thinking back. “Like when you taught me how to dive so I didn’t hurt myself when I fell. That was nice.”

“Mm-hmm. Could you get that last trampoline?”

Raz did as he was told, pulling the stretchy fabric down and folding it. “Is that it?”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Dion sighed, running a hand over his hair. “Do you have important secret agent shit to do?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you, Dion.”

As Raz started to leave, Dion’s voice made him turn back around. “Hey, shrimp.”

“Huh?”

“You, uh…you know I love you, right? No matter what.”

Raz walked back over to where his brother was, and awkwardly opened his arms. Dion leaned down and pulled him into a hug. 

“Yeah, I know,” Raz mumbled into Dion’s shoulder. “I love you too.”

Chapter Text

When Raz stumbled upon his mother in the forest, she sported a perplexed expression, wandering to and fro as she looked between trees and shrubs. She seemed wrapped up in whatever it was she was doing, and jumped when Raz called out, “Hi, Mom!”

“Goodness, Pootie, you startled me!” She put a hand to her chest, taking a breath. “You and your invisibility are going to give me a heart attack one of these days.”

Raz laughed a little. “I wasn’t going invisible, you were just distracted! Are you looking for something?”

“Yes, Frazie’s bastard of a–” Donatella caught herself and sighed. “Ahem, Frazie’s…perfectly lovely horse, who I don’t at all regret letting her have.”

Typical. Sugarcube had a penchant for going missing right in the days leading up to when they left and making the whole family go on a wild goose chase. “Do you need help looking?”

“Yes, thank you, Razputin. Two heads are better than one!”

There were a few minutes of searching in silence before Donatella threw up her hands. “No use. The sun is beginning to set. We’ll have to wait until morning.”

“Maybe I could–” Raz began, then shut his mouth again. “Never mind, it wasn’t a good idea.”

“All your ideas are good ideas, Razputin, unless they’re bad ideas. Anything to get this damn horse back.”

“I could, uh, track her down psychically.” It still felt weird to talk about this stuff so openly to his mom, but it was fine now, right? “Like, try to track her thoughts and stuff. Like how Dad did to find me.”

“Hm, if you think that’ll work…” Donatella’s expression was difficult to read, but she didn’t seem upset.

Raz put his fingers to his temples and reached out mentally until he could sense Sugarcube. It wasn’t hard–who else in the area would be thinking so loudly about snuggling with Frazie, eating a carrot and biting Dion? “That way,” he said, pointing off down a small path.

Raz spent a minute as they walked trying to formulate his thoughts into words before quietly asking, “Mom?”

“What’s the matter, Pootie?”

“You don’t…still hate psychics, right?”

Donatella turned so sharply she tripped over a root, but quickly straightened back up in true acrobat form. “Razputin! How could you think such a thing?”

This was exactly how he thought she’d respond, but he still felt a sliver of annoyance. “Because…you seemed like you were mad. Like, you kept talking about how we ruined the family’s lives, and…I dunno. That doesn’t really just go away.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Donatella stopped in her tracks and kneeled to Razputin’s level. “You never thought I hated you, did you?”

Well, not exactly, but… “I mean… I’m a psychic too.”

She cupped his face with one hand. “I was angry, and afraid, for you. Anyone who could curse my wonderful husband and children, anyone who tried to hurt you…” A glare flashed across her face, but it settled, and she finished sadly, “But…it was me who hurt you in the end, hm?”

Raz faltered. “I mean, I get it, but…yeah, the way you talked about psychics, it, uh…it hurt sometimes.”

“I know, little one. If I could take all of it back, I would. Of course I never hated you.”

“Yeah, I know.” Raz thought about the story Frazie had told him, about how Donatella had been so proud of Queepie’s levitation skills. Maybe things really were changing for the better. “It’s like Agent Forsythe said when we got promoted. We all make mistakes, and we all need help sometimes, but we all deserve a second chance.”

“Hm. Well, perhaps that woman does make good points occasionally.”

Raz rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “I don’t get what your problem is with her. You have a lot in common, y’know!”

“Uh-huh. What about when she threatened to burn our caravan?”

“She was…having a bad day. Which was mostly my fault.”

“Well, I think that–ah!” Donatella spun around, tugging her skirt free from a snout that had popped out of the bushes. The culprit whinnied, and trotted into sight. “Oh, it’s you,” Dona sighed indignantly. “Now do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Sugarcube simply snuffled and marched over to Raz, rubbing against his side. “Hi, Sugarcube,” he murmured, rubbing the horse’s flank. “Do you forgive me for using you as my escape vehicle?”

Sugarcube snuffled again in reply, which Raz took as a yes. He looked up at his mom again. “I guess I should go.” He puffed out his chest a little as he said, “I’m taking a workshop with Agent Vodello on advanced levitation technique, sooo….”

“Oh, tell Milla hello for me, won’t you?” asked Donatella cheerfully. “Such a lovely woman.”

Raz smiled. He was glad his mom and Milla had seemed to hit it off–he’d half expected her to be as disagreeable with the other agents as she had with Hollis, but she and Milla had weekly coffee and gossip sessions at the Noodle Bowl. “Yeah, sure thing!”

“Go make our family proud, hmm?” Donatella leaned down to plant a kiss to Razputin’s forehead.

“I’ll do my best,” he replied, giggling a little bit. He leaned down to Sugarcube. “You be nice to my mom, okay? Don’t give her any more trouble.”

“Yes, God knows I have enough trouble with three little children, two teenagers, and a husband who spends his time setting his thumb on fire.” Raz took a bit of offense to being called little, but he didn’t say anything.

Suddenly, Donatella made a shooing motion at him. “Don’t you have your workshop? Go, go! I won’t have anyone thinking my son is the sort of person to come late to something important.”

“Okay, okay.” Raz rolled his eyes a little as Donatella ruffled his hair. “See you later, Mom!” He turned back and waved over his shoulder as he rolled away. He caught his mom waving and smiling back at him before he turned the corner.

Chapter Text

Razputin found his father exactly where he expected to–on the precipice overlooking the Questionable Area? However, he hadn’t anticipated how, without turning around, Augustus addressed him, “Hi, Razputin.”

Raz jumped a little. “How’d you know I was there?”

“I sensed you with my psychic powers!” Augustus stood straighter, a proud grin on his face. “Well, that and you were talking to yourself as you came up the funicular.”

“Oh.” Raz flushed. He’d admit he had a habit of talking to himself, but it always surprised him when he remembered other people could hear him when he did that. “I just was checking if there’s anything you need me to help with before you head–” his voice cracked a little, and he cleared it– “ahem, before you head out tomorrow?”

“Hm.” Augustus paused for a moment. “Nothing I can think of. Your mother’s got it pretty much covered. You know how she is when she sets her mind to something.” The two of them shared a knowing laugh. Then Augustus’ face turns serious, and he crouches to Razputin’s level. “That reminds me, she told me you were feeling rather distraught about parting ways with the family. How are you holding up, son?”

“Eh, you know,” Raz mumbled. “I know you need to go, and I know I want to keep doing Psychonauts stuff. I just wish I didn’t have to choose.”

“Oh, son.” Augustus opened his arms, and Raz pressed himself against his chest. Augustus’ beard was scratchy on his cheek and there was a safety pin practically in his eye, but he didn’t care. He just soaked in the comforting warmth of the hug. He felt all of a sudden like he had when he was much littler and fell off a platform or Dion called him a mean name or something, and his dad would sit with him until he calmed down, and then suggest that they go play catch. Back before Raz even knew the word psychic, or understood why he wasn’t allowed to swim like other kids did. Suddenly he could almost imagine things were that simple again.

Augustus rubbed his back, letting out a breath. “You’ve been through far too much for someone so young, Razputin. I wish I could protect you from it all, but…every parent wishes that, and we never can.”

“Not every parent,” Raz mumbled, remembering what he had seen in the Rhombus of Ruin. “When I was in–well, one of the minds I went into,” he catches himself, deciding that even Dr. Loboto deserved anonymity for something like this, “their parents found out they were psychic when they were a kid, and they…they had him lobotomized. That doesn’t seem like they wanted to protect him.”

Raz felt Augustus freeze, and his voice was tense when he replied, “Yes, lobotomy for psychics was legal until quite recently. It was outlawed in the past decade, in fact.”

“The past decade?” Raz repeated. That was in his own lifetime! Of course he’d known it was bad out there for psychics plenty of the time, but he’d assumed something that drastic hadn’t lasted long after the founding of the Psychonauts.

“Yes, and the fact that anyone would even think of doing that to their own child–” Augustus was tangibly shaking, and when Raz pulled back from his arms to look at him, his face was twisted with fury. Raz hadn’t seen him like that since the day he’d torn up the pamphlet for Whispering Rock.

“Dad,” Raz interjected, and Augustus snapped out of it a bit. “Is that why you were so against me using my powers before I ran away? You were scared that people like that would hurt me?”

“Of course I was scared of that. How could I not be? But at the same time that I was afraid of how people might hurt you for being psychic, I still believed in the curse, so I was equally afraid of you being hurt by psychics. And both of those things…I ended up taking it out on you. And that wasn’t right.” He sighed deeply. “When I went into your head, when I saw what you thought of me…there’s nothing I can say that could possibly make the way I’ve acted right. I’ve been such a fool, son.”

Raz didn’t really know how to follow that up, so after sitting for a moment in silence, he simply said, “Thanks for trying, though. To make it right.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that. I should have been doing it all along. No father should drive his son to run away.”

“If I hadn’t run away, though,” Raz mused, “none of this would have happened.”

Augustus studied him pensively. “Is that a good or a bad thing? That it happened?”

“I…don’t know,” Raz admitted. “Both, I guess. We dealt with a bunch of the stuff that was messed up in our family…by finding a whole bunch of new stuff that’s messed up in different ways.”

“Well, if it means I got to make things better with you, then it’s a good thing in my book.”

“Yeah.” Warmth settled in the pit of Razputin’s stomach, and he stared out over the trees, still able to make out the peaks of the last few tents his family hadn’t packed up.

After a second, Augustus let out a sharp breath and patted Raz on the back. “Well, son,” he said, “do you have any plans for the rest of your day? I wouldn’t want to keep you from anything.”

“Not for a while,” Raz replied. “Bob and Helmut invited all the junior agents, plus Dion and Frazie, over for a movie to celebrate them getting back from Grulovia.”

“Oh, right, the twins told me about that! Little Shop of Horrors, they said?”

“Mm-hmm. Helmut says he really likes musicals and Bob doesn’t so they never agree, but Bob liked this one ‘cause it’s all about plants. Apparently he has a giant Venus Flytrap named Helmut II now.”

Augustus laughed. “How sweet. Such a lovely couple.”

“Yeah.” Raz sat down criss-cross applesauce on the ground. “Mind if I stay up here for a while, though?”

“Of course not,” Augustus told him, sitting down next to him. Raz leaned on his dad’s shoulder and Augustus wrapped an arm around him. Raz wasn’t thinking anymore of what his family had gone through before he ran away, or the fact that they would be leaving tomorrow. He just thought of how he was here and now, and for right now, his dad had his back.

Chapter Text

Raz spent his last day with his family helping out wherever he could. He always felt a little better when he was helping people, even when it turned out to be less than helpful. More than once he would get distracted by the conflicting feelings squirming inside him, and accidentally drop something or put something in the wrong bag.

“If I didn’t know better,” Frazie teased when one of their nicest plates almost plummeted into the mud, “I’d think you’re purposefully trying to sabotage our packing to keep us here.”

Raz feigned an evil laugh as he telekinetically placed the plate safely in the correct suitcase. “You’ve uncovered my secret plan!” He grinned as he looked up at her, but it fell as he realized she looked a little distressed. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Huh? Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Frazie blinked hard and sniffled. “Shut up.”

The grin spread back over Razputin’s face as he remembered something from last night. “Wait, I think I know what’s going on.”

Frazie rolled her eyes. “No you don’t. Nothing’s going on.”

“Uh-huh. So you’re not sad about your thing with Norma being nipped in the bud by you leaving?” Raz elbowed Frazie gently in the ribs. “I saw how cozy you guys were getting during the movie. Once we got to ‘Suddenly Seymour’ she was practically in your arms.”

Frazie scoffed and put a hand to her chest. “Wh–there’s no thing! You’re making that up!”

“That’s what Dion said when I asked him about Gisu.” Different as they were, the twins were really two peas in a pod sometimes.

Frazie sighed dramatically, leaning back against the caravan. “Okay, if I had a little crush–and I’m not saying I do–one, it’s not like I’d call her ‘potato masher’ or anything ridiculous like that.”

“That’s a code name,” Raz argued, but Frazie cut him off.

“And two…that wasn’t what I was thinking about.” She rolled her eyes. “I was thinking about how much I’m gonna miss you, you little weirdo.”

“...you were?” Raz was a little taken aback. He knew Frazie loved him, of course, but it was a lot more emotional honesty than he was expecting from his tough, goofy sister.

“Yeah, and now you’re making me get all sappy about it! You know how I feel about being sappy.” Another sniffle. “Now, are you going to keep helping me pack, or have you decided to spare the crockery their lives?”

Raz giggled, and felt the emotional knot in his stomach loosen.

Despite the less-than-stellar help from Raz, by mid afternoon all the bags had been packed and goodbyes had been said to everyone in the Motherlobe. Raz had been surprised and touched at how many people seemed to be sad about his family leaving. He remembered the sick feeling that had come over him upon first seeing his family arrive here. In his eyes, the Motherlobe was orderly, formal and businesslike–the antithesis of his chaotic, somewhat dysfunctional family of acrobats. He couldn’t ever imagine the two fitting together. Now, he saw the other junior agents tackle-hugging his older siblings, Sasha and Milla cheerfully bidding his parents goodbye, and the Psychic Seven cooing over his little siblings, and he realized, maybe they fit better than he thought.

And all too soon, everyone was in front of the caravan–Raz and Lucrecia on one side, everyone else on the other. The silence that filled the air was so thick Raz thought he might suffocate.

Lucy broke it by stepping forward and opening her arms. “Don’t you all just stand there all sad like that! Come and give your Nona a hug!”

That was all it took for all the kids to pile in, laughing and crying all at the same time. When the rest of them pulled away, Lucy held onto Dion for a little bit longer.

“You know you’re my favorite, right?” she whispered, loud enough for everyone else to hear.

Dion snorted. “Yeah, obviously.”

“You still have a lot to learn, though.” She kissed him on the forehead. “Don’t try to grow up too fast, hmm?”

“Uh…sure. Love you, Nona.” Dion pulled away and turned to Raz. “Don’t let the other junior agents mess with you, okay? That’s mine and Frazie’s job.”

Raz laughed a little. “Sure thing. Bye, Dion.”

Dion kneeled next to Raz, and for a second Raz thought he was about to get a hug. Instead, he got a noogie that wasn’t hard enough to be painful, but as he wasn’t wearing his helmet, did mess up his hair pretty badly. “See ya soon, squirt.” And with that, Dion threw his bag over his shoulder and headed into the caravan.

Next, Lucy held her arms out to Frazie. “Be true to yourself, sweet girl. We all love you, no matter what. Anyone who doesn’t accept you for who you are is missing out.”

“Damn straight,” Frazie replied. “I’m awesome.”

Lucy laughed. “That’s my girl. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Nona.” She turned to give Raz a hug as well. “Bye, Raspy.”

Raz snickered. “Don’t miss me too much.” He leaned over his shoulder and stage whispered to Lucy, “She told me earlier she’s gonna miss me. She even was crying a little.”

“Hey!” Frazie shoved him gently. “Who said you were allowed to tell anyone about that?” She stood up and stretched, picking up her bag from the suitcase pile. “Anyways, don’t get bitten by any squirrels! If you get rabies and die, it’ll have been a waste of time and money for us to have come all the way out here. Byyy-yyyye!”

Raz rolled his eyes as Frazie disappeared into the caravan.

Mirtala needed no prompting to fling herself into her great-aunt’s arms, sobbing and saying something Raz couldn’t even begin to decipher. Lucy seemed to be able to, though, because she responded with, “I know, my dear. You keep that spirit, alright? Now go tell your brother.”

Mirtala complied, throwing herself at Raz just as she had at Lucy. “What’s the matter, Tala? What’d you want to tell me?”

“Just that you’re the coolest big brother ever.” Tala sniffled, and then paused. “Wait, don’t tell Dion I said that, ‘kay?”

Raz giggled. “Don’t worry, I won’t. I’ll see you soon, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too!” Tala’s tearstained face broke into a smile, and she picked up her bag as she bounced back towards the caravan.

“No-naaaaa!” came a complaint from beside Raz, and he turned to find Queepie squirming in Lucy’s arms.

“Alright, alright!” She put him down, but not before kissing him on the cheek once more. “I just don’t know how long I’ll be able to pick you up like that! You’re growing so fast! You’ll probably be taller than me next time I see you.”

“Uh-huh.” Queepie straightened his cape and marched over in front of Raz, staring at him in silence. Raz couldn’t help but smile. Queepie was one of those kids who would show affection by just tolerating your presence near him, since he wasn’t especially affectionate in other ways.

“So, d’you still think I’m cool?” Raz teased.

“...sure, I guess. Not as cool as Morris, but still pretty cool.” He shrugged.

“Well, I guess nobody’s as cool as Morris, so that’s the best I can hope for.” Raz knew Queepie wouldn’t go for a hug, but he held a hand out in front of him for a high-five. Queepie took it, and Raz immediately regretted the offer. Even with his glove, it stung like hell.

“Bye, Raz,” Queepie called over his shoulder as he headed back towards the caravan. “See you at summer camp!”

“I mean, you’re probably gonna see me a long time before–ah, never mind.” Queepie was already closing the door behind him.

Donatella pinched her forehead, sighing. “That boy, I swear.”

Lucy smiled. “Okay, Dona, come here. Just because you’re not my blood family doesn’t mean you don’t get a goodbye hug.”

“Alright, alright.” Dona sighed again, good-naturedly as she kneeled down and gave her mother-in-law (aunt-in-law?) a hug.

“I can’t be grateful enough that my Auggie married a lovely young lady like you. Your passionate spirit has always reminded me of Marona, you know that?”

Donatella didn’t say anything, but when she pulled away…
Raz giggled a little bit. “Mom, your mascara is running.”

Donatella wiped at her eyes. “Ah, it’s just allergies, Razputin. Ugh, I hate this forest.”

“...the only thing you’re allergic to is shellfish?” Raz pointed out.

“Oh, shush, you.” Man, Frazie really did take after her. Dona leaned over and scooped Raz off the ground. He squeaked and squirmed for a second, then sank into the hug.

“Look at you,” Dona hummed. “I can’t believe my little boy is nearly eleven.”

Raz beamed. “Yeah, yeah. I’m gonna grow up before you know it.”

“Oh, don’t even say that.” Dona put a hand to her chest. “You’re killing your mother, Razputin. You see? I’m going to have a heart attack.” She kissed him on the forehead. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’m gonna miss you too.” He smiled and gave her one more hug. “Don’t have a heart attack while you’re gone, okay?”

“Alright. I love you so much, my little patatino.” After another kiss on the forehead, she turned toward the caravan, squeezing her husband’s shoulder before she went inside.

Augustus let out a slow breath, and then put out his arms to Lucy. “I suppose it’s my turn now.”

Lucy wrapped her arms around him. “My Augustus. You know, when you were born, I remember seeing your sweet little face and thinking how brave my sister was for having you, because I could never imagine being responsible for a helpless child like that. And look how that turned out, huh?” She laughed. “No matter what, you are always my son. I am beyond proud to have raised such a wonderful person as you. Never forget that, no matter where you are.”

Augustus’ eyes squeezed tighter shut as he clung to Lucy. “Thank you. I can never thank you enough for raising me. You were a wonderful mother to me.” He held on for another moment, then backed away and turned to Raz. Augustus pulled his son into a hug so tight he could practically feel his bones cracking.

“Ow…Dad…can’t breathe…” Raz choked out, and Augustus let him go.

“Oops! Sorry about that, son. I suppose I don’t know my own strength!” He chuckled. “If you keep doing your exercises, you know, you’ll get this strong too!”

“I knooooow, I knoooow.” Raz sighed good-naturedly. He’d heard the same spiel from his parents day in and day out, his whole life. It suddenly struck him how weird it would be to go so long without things like that.

“Razputin.” Augustus ruffled Raz’s hair, smiling warmly down at him. “You know I’m beyond proud of you, right?”

“As you should be,” Raz joked, but he could feel his eyes getting hot. Not because he was crying or anything, obviously. It was just a little dusty around here! And it wasn’t at all like how Frazie said she wasn’t crying earlier, or how his mom had done the same, even though they totally were. This was a completely different thing and he definitely wasn’t crying.

Augustus laughed a little at Raz’s comment, and then took his hands, looking him in the eye. “I mean it! I wish I could have supported you along your whole journey of discovering your powers, rather than hindering you. But I’m so glad I get to be here for you now, at least.”

Raz couldn’t respond to that, just pulled his dad back into a hug. And yeah, he would admit it–he was crying for real now.

“I know, son,” Augustus mumbled, rubbing circles on Raz’s back. “It’s hard to say goodbye, isn’t it? But we’ll be together again before you know it.”

He leaned back to see Razputin’s face, using his sleeve to wipe the tears off his son’s cheek. “Now, you make sure you’re eating enough, alright? And getting enough sleep. You know your mother will have your head if you’re not taking care of yourself.” He smiled. “We’ll call as soon as we get to a campsite with a phone, alright? But if you ever need anything while we’re on the road, don’t forget you can always reach out using you-know-what.” He tapped his temple with one finger.

“Dad, you can just say psychic.”

“Oh, I know that, silly! I’m just making a joke!” Augustus kissed Raz on the top of his head. “I love you so much, son.” He smiled as he stood up, eyes sad in the way Raz was all too used to. “We psychics understand each other, right?”

***************************************************************

Raz and Lucy followed the caravan all the way out to the road. The whole way, the other kids were leaning out of the windows, yelling, laughing, and waving. Raz waved back, grinning and summoning his levitation ball so he could keep up better.

He stopped following once they got to the road, because much as he loved his family, he wasn’t about to get hit by a car about it. They kept waving, and he could hear their voices overlapping as they yelled, “BYE RAZ!” “SEE YA, POOTER!” “DON’T LET THE GOATS GET YOU!”

And then they were around a corner, and out of earshot.

And they were really, really gone.

Raz felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find Lucy. “Little Pootie.”

“Hi, Nona. How you holding up?”

Lucy sighed deeply. “You know, when you let your hair go curly like that, you look just like my Gus.”

“Yeah, I know.” Raz reached a hand up to ruffle his curls. “Tala said the same thing.”

“Ah, but she didn’t know him when he was your age.” Lucy was still facing Raz, but she seemed to be looking through him rather than at him. “That was when Marona was alive. His little smiling face when he would come up to me asking for presents was always the highlight of my visits back to Grulovia.” Her face fell a little. “Especially since Marona and I weren’t always getting along so well then.”

“At that point were you already…?” Raz wasn’t sure how much he should say. He didn’t want his Nona to feel worse than she did.

“Was I working for the Gzar? Mm-hmm. Marona was so upset. I wish I’d had the clarity to know she was right.”

“That sounds awful,” Raz mumbled. “I can’t imagine having something that big come between me and any of my siblings. Even Dion.”

“I think if you children can make it through everything that you have and only come out of it with your bonds strengthened, there’s very little that can break that. You’ll work it out. You’re smart kids.” She chuckled. “Even Dion.”

That was enough for Raz to break out into a grin. “Do you wanna go get lunch?”

“That sounds wonderful.” Lucy took Raz’s hand in her own, and neither of them let go as they made their way back through the newly empty campsite.

A lump rose in Raz’s throat as he saw the marks in the ground where it seemed like just yesterday his family had pitched their tents and parked the caravan. Now the Aquato family were on their way to their next destination.

Well, not the whole family, Raz thought as they passed the Lumberstack diner. There was still him, and his Nona. His Nona, who had been a Psychonaut since before the organization had even existed. He wasn’t sure that would ever stop feeling weird.

When the Motherlobe came into view, it struck him how funny it all was. When he’d first run away, it felt impossible to be a Psychonaut and an Aquato at the same time. He’d thought he was choosing one over the other. In reality, though, the two had been deeply intertwined since long before he was born, and the Psychonauts wouldn’t even exist without his family.

It hadn’t been long since he was ashamed of his family, but now he couldn’t be prouder of being an Aquato.