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Kageyama Tobio looked down at Tsukishima who was down on one knee, his hand outstretched and waiting, and eyes looking at Tobio with a glint of something that he could never understand. Perhaps he’d never understand all because of how much he missed out on the etiquette of human emotions as he was the only living being in this island he called his home. At least, until him…
Tsukishima Kei asked for his hand in marriage, like he had many times before. And just like many times before, Tobio said his answer, “No.”
There was not a single hint of disappointment or sadness on Tsukishima’s face. Instead, he rose to his feet and looked into Tobio’s eyes with mirth. “Yeah,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “That’s to be expected.”
Pursing his lips, Tobio hid his hands into the sleeves of his yukata as he tried to divert his gaze. “You knew what my answer was going to be, why bother asking?” he asked.
“Because I want you,” replied Tsukishima with a shrug and a small dust of red on his cheeks..
Tobio ignored the heat blooming on his cheeks and focused his eyes on the vase of flowers beside him—the vase of flowers that Tsukishima gave to him as a gift—and the ceremonial kimono the deities had given him. As if Tsukishima wanted him. Was someone making him do this to toy with Tobio? He wondered if his sister knew about this.
“You don’t believe me,” Tsukishima pointed out.
“Obviously,” Tobio scoffed out. “I barely had anyone to talk to my whole life and you come in and practically beg me to marry you.”
“Beg you?” Tsukishima laughed and Tobio only glared at him. “Whatever, that’s alright. I’ll just do my best until you finally say yes to me.” His face pulled into a smile—so gentle and warm, unlike what Tobio was so used to. Fearing that the other man would hear his heart drumming in his chest, he hid his face and ran away.
— — —
“Oi, what happened to the chores I gave you?”
“Marry me first.”
“You piece of—”
— — —
“Why do you even want to marry me? I have nothing.”
“Mhm, that’s not true. You have yourself. Your kingly self lording over this island like a tyrant.”
“Can you shut up for once?”
“As His Majesty commands.”
— — —
“Marry me.”
“I’m in the middle of redressing your wounds, shut up.”
Tsukishima grinned. Tobio wanted to slap it off. For someone who wanted to get married to him, Tsukishima sure did like picking fights with Tobio.
“Shame,” sighed the blond. “I miss the way you’d yell and scream at my face whenever I proposed. Now you’re just used to it. Maybe I should try and be more creative.”
Tobio pursed his lips, trying hard not to give Tsukishima the reaction he ‘missed’, but his hands clenched around the cloth and gave it one tight tug before pulling away with a bubbling satisfied feeling as Tsukishima groaned in pain. Perhaps if he remembered that he was still recovering from the storm that washed him up on Tobio’s shores, then Tobio would care to be more gentle with him.
“Is this how you people court each other back in your world?” Tobio tilted his head in curiosity. “I don’t think other people could be as annoying as you.”
Tsukishima arched a brow. “Now what’s with the sudden curiosity?”
“Don’t you miss your home?” Tobio pressed on. “Surely you have other dreams aside from marrying someone who lives on an island all by himself.”
A sudden unreadable look flashed on Tsukishima’s face and he fell silent for a moment before he slowly leaned his face closer to Tobio who backed away in response. “Maybe I want you out there… with me.”
Everything inside Tobio froze. His curse, the island, the feeling of being alone for his entire life—they all washed over like a slamming wave. He pushed Tsukishima away with such force and stood to his feet.
“King?”
With shaky breaths, Tobio looked up and gave a cold glare. “You are so mean.” He walked away, leaving Tsukishima standing there without seeing the remorse masking his face.
xxx
“Might I offer this flower as an apology and another proposal of mine?”
“This is from my garden!”
“That I took care of these past few months, you’re welcome.”
(Tobio hid his smile when he realized that Tsukishima unknowingly picked his favorite.)
— — —
The deities had told him he’s never going to leave the island and to top it all off, they sent him a completely infuriating man as his companion. Tobio was certain that he was indeed cursed. And yet, he could not stop himself from enjoying Tsukishima’s presence. He was quick to understand and to care for Tobio. The more Tobio got to know him, the more curious he became. Being with him made Tobio feel safe and alive. More alive than he had ever felt. Was this even allowed? It felt so unreal and impermanent.
“Are you thinking about home?” The question left his mouth without him even thinking about it. They were both sitting by the beach looking beyond the sea. “It’s just that… you’ve been here for months now with only me as your companion. You must miss your family back home.”
The blond hummed. “Yes, home. By now, they’d probably be celebrating the summer festival.” Tobio brightened. Summer festival? Tsukishima must’ve noticed because he continued, “There’d be tons of food and maybe even some dancing. At night, fireworks would shoot up and light up the sky.”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Well…” Tsukishima rubbed the back of his neck. “Ignoring my annoying brother and annoying friends,” Tobio giggled at how hesitantly shy he sounded, “it’s fun. Really it is.”
“I wish I could see it,” Tobio silently confessed.
“Why don’t you?”
Their eyes locked on to each other. Tobio’s breath slowed. “I just can’t.”
Tobio looked away and felt as if he had become like a wave, constantly pushing and pulling back. But before he could mull on it even more, a hand reached out, pulled Tobio to his feet, and walked over to a well-lit area. “What are you—?”
“You’ve never tried dancing before, right, King?” A rush of heat surged through Tobio’s body. Beneath the moon’s glow, there was a blush dusting on Tsukishima’s cheeks. He shook his head. “Alright. Let me show you one then. It’s simple.”
Tsukishima guided Tobio’s left hand to rest on his shoulder while his hand rested on his waist. Intertwining their other hands together, he lifted them up and with that, Tsukishima led them in a dance.
It took a while but Tobio learned to enjoy it and within time, a smile bloomed on their faces as they became more comfortable in each other’s clumsy yet endearing waltzes. The soft breeze, the crackling fire, and laughter became their music. Everything seemed brighter and Tobio felt like floating. But as their eyes locked on to each other, they slowly came to a stop.
A magnetic force lured Tobio in and their faces were now just a few inches away from each other. Gold met blue. An intense look glowed on Tsukishima’s face. Holding his breath, Tobio felt the familiar drum of fear inside him and he pulled away. “Sorry,” he whispered before walking away, feeling the other man’s hand reach out to him.
A weight rocked Tobio’s chest and he clutched his yukata as he tried get away but just as he looked up, he saw—
“ Nee-san ?”
A woman, much similar to Tobio in looks, had a grim expression on her face as she stood before them. “Tobio, Tsukishima-kun.”
“Miwa-san,” Tsukishima greeted.
Tobio shot glances at the both of them. “You know each other?”
“Yes.” Miwa nodded. “About that, Tobio, I have to tell you something—”
Panic flashed into Tsukishima’s face. “Wait, Miwa-san—”
“I’m sorry, Tsukishima-kun,” Miwa said with guilt on her face. “I couldn’t handle it any longer. I don’t want the two of you getting hurt.”
“ Nee-san , what do you mean?”
Miwa gave a hesitant look to the both of them and Tsukishima’s hand immediately reached out to Tobio’s forearm and pulled the other man behind him. “Miwa-san—”
“I sent Tsukishima-kun,” Miwa blurted out. “When I saved him all those months ago from the storm, he wanted to pay me back. So I led him to you.” He could no longer breathe as all of Tobio’s deep seated suspicions were unfolding in front of him. “Tobio, I only wanted him to try and ask for your hand in marriage since it was the only way you could leave this island and live a normal life but the time you two spent together, I just—I feared for the both of you.” Tobio bowed his head. “I will not blame you if you’re angry at me. I deserve it.”
A moment passed before Tobio breathed out, “I’m not.” His numb feet stumbled back and his body moved like a ghost. “I could never be mad at you, Nee-san . You’re the only companion I had until—” He made a mistake glancing at Tsukishima who looked in pain as their eyes met. “I just wish…”
Kei reached his hand out. “King…”
Tears burned at the seams of his eyes and Tobio ran away and back to the house, leaving his sister and savior behind.
— — —
An island was all Tobio had known for his entire life. Cursed to live all alone, Tobio grew up not knowing what was the reason he had to live this way. He had been so alone save for the few visits from his sister that he came to accept that’s just the way it is and the real world was only a piece of fiction. The deities had said that the only way Tobio could leave the island was if someone married him and they gifted him a kimono meant for special ceremonies—like a wedding.
It was only tonight did the kimono felt like it was mocking Tobio more and more by the second, taunting him of the future he’ll never have. His eyes didn’t tear away from the garment in front of him, not even when he heard the familiar sound of footsteps behind him. “So,” he began with a shaky breath, “you knew all along.”
“I did.”
“How long were you planning to keep this up? Why couldn’t you just let my sister save you?”
“I don’t know,” he responded. “I felt like I just had to do it.”
“So all that you did for me” —Tobio turned to Tsukishima— “was it because you felt like you owe my sister for your life?”
“It only started out that way.”
Tobio feared what he was going to say but his overwhelming emotions betrayed him and he asked, “How is it different now?”
No answer came but instead, amidst the candles lighting the space, an intense expression glowed in Tsukishima’s eyes. Tobio had never been privileged to meet other people and understand the etiquette of human emotions but if he had to guess what the glow on Tsukishima’s face, it was love.
“Tobio.” Tsukishima dropped to his knees in front of him and Tobio’s heart jumped as he took his hands. “Tell me what to do. Whatever it is, I’ll follow. This is no longer because I want to repay your sister. So please… tell me and I’ll do it.”
Take me away . He wanted to say it. Tobio wanted to—so bad. He wanted Kei to marry him, take him to see the world, and be with him. But when it’s all over and if Tsukishima woke up from everything… What good would it do if Tobio will end up alone in the end? The warmth left him when Tobio took his hands away.
“I want you to leave.”
Tobio turned away when Tsukishima’s lips fell apart in dismay. Silence prickled in the air and it hung until Tsukishima finally said, “Fine.”
xxx
Tsukishima left. He left the morning after Tobio spoke his request.
Tobio watched as the waves crashed into the shore and the trees danced to the breeze. When had they gotten so loud? When had the island gone so vast? When had the emptiness inside him become so achingly pronounced? He wanted to cry, disappear, and—
He shook his head. It was useless. He did this to himself. Why did he let himself be so afraid and let his one chance of feeling love and being loved leave? Happiness was just right there in front of him and he let it slip from his fingers and now he’s in the wake of everything. He looked back at his home that had grown so large in the hour of Tsukishima’s disappearance. He had been forced into his life ever since he was born but there was no denying that today, he chose this and now he’s going to suffer for it.
He only wished that he had told Tsukishima how he truly felt.
“ Tobio !”
He stilled. No… It was impossible. His lungs were out of breath as he turned to see Tsukishima jumping off the boat and running across the shore to him.
“What—What are you—?”
The next thing he knew, Tsukishima’s arms pulled him in an embrace and his heart came to a standstill.
“I’m taking you with me.” Tobio’s lips fell apart as he pulled back to stare at Tsukishima. “No—don’t say anything. You probably think I’m an insufferable idiot for going against your wishes but I would hate myself everyday if I left you here all alone. You know you don’t deserve this so will you please just stop it and come with me?”
“Tsukishima…”
A flash of anxiety appeared in Tsukishima’s face and he continued saying, “There’s a whole world out there, Tobio. Full of mountains and cities and—and everything. And they’re all waiting for you. I want you to see everything with me.”
“Tsuki—”
Tobio’s eyes shot wide open and his lips fell apart as the other man bent down on one knee and took his hand in his.
“Marry me,” said Tsukishima. “Marry me and I promise you’ll no longer feel alone. You won’t have to wake up and live an entire day all by yourself. Marry me and I promise I will do anything to make your life yours. I have dreams, yes, and you’re the biggest out of all of them. So please… Say yes.”
He stared at Tsukishima and realized that happiness was no longer a faraway dream or an unreachable feeling. It was now finally in front of him.
“Idiot. You—You idiot ,” he laughed out, tears forming in his eyes. Tsukishima gaped at him and he slowly rose to his feet. “Don’t say your vows to me.”
“What?” Tobio wanted to burst out in tears and laughter at the sight of the fear marring the blond’s face.
“Everything you said a while ago,” he started, unable to contain the pure joy inside him, “wouldn’t it be better if you said those to me later during the ceremony?”
Relief settled into Tsukishima and he looked hopeful again. A deep breath escaped and a laugh followed as a few tears ran down through his cheeks. “I’ll say them a thousand times and more if it means it’ll get to your thick skull.” Unbelievably happy and in love, Tobio laughed along. “So, do you accept, your majesty?”
Until his life’s end, Tobio would etch this scene into his mind as the day he truly started living.
He reached for Tsukishima’s hand, looked into his eyes, and with a smile gracing his lips, Tobio answered, “I do.”