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Love was a foreign, silly concept, Annie had decided a long time ago. It made people illogical and weak, and often got them killed. She still remembered the fates that Hannah and Franz had suffered at Trost. Her father had taught her the value of exploiting the weakness of her enemy, and often, love was an effective weak point. But the idea of caring for someone else to the point of harm to oneself was ridiculous to her.
She was fond of Armin of course. Annie would always owe him for keeping her sane for the four long years in the crystal, and she wouldn’t deny that she felt something warm and content rise up inside her when he would smile at her like she was something to be valued. But that wasn’t love, because that would be silly.
And after the Rumbling, when they started spending more time together, after she promised to be there for him always, and they shared their first kiss and more, that fondness grew. Annie knew there was very little she wouldn’t do for the boy with kind eyes. But that still couldn’t be love.
This status quo wasn’t a problem until Armin opened his big mouth, Annie rued. The first time it happened, they had been “resting” after a long day of negotiations. Annie sat in Armin’s lap, bodies far too close to be decent, and as she planted kisses down his neck, Armin whispered, “I love you, Annie.”
Annie froze, pulling away from him, looking at him like he had said that the Rumbling had started again. Armin seemed to realize the change, sitting up straight and opening his eyes, filled with concern. “Annie are you okay? Did I hurt you? Should we stop?”
“No, no, you didn’t,” Annie hastened to respond. She tried to figure out what she wanted to say, stuttering, “Just… just…uh.” As she fumbled with her words, Armin seemed to grow even more concerned. And what could she even say; that she didn’t even understand the concept of love, much less say it back? Giving up, Annie planted her lips on his firmly because it felt like the right response. And if Armin was confused by how suddenly passionate she had become, he didn’t say anything.
The second time it happened, it was far too early in the morning. Annie had come to wakefulness several minutes before, admiring Armin’s features. His blonde hair, his sharp jawline, his perfectly shaped nose. Of course, if she wanted to get her daily routine done before work started, she would have to get up eventually. She carefully began untangling herself, before a quick snort from Armin informed her she had been unsuccessful.
“Don’t go,” Armin whined, voice still deep in sleep.
“I’ll be back soon,” Annie reassured, taking a second to give him a quick peck on his forehead before clambering out of the bed.
“Fine.” Armin grumbled. “I love you.” Annie froze halfway out of the bed, turning around again, but he was already back into sleep, chest rising steadily. This time, she couldn’t stop the scowl from forming on her face. This was becoming a problem.
Unfortunately, this problem wasn’t one she knew how to solve. She doubted that glaring coldy at it or employing some physical violence would do much. She could ask for advice from someone, as Armin had constantly pestered her to do. But it’s not like she could talk to Armin about this, and she would rather have her limbs torn off before talking about her romantic troubles with her father. They may have been father and daughter, but there were some things that were impossible to talk about.
That left her with her newly found friends. She found a group of them, dressed sharply, later in the morning, sitting around a table waiting for breakfast to be served. It was Pieck, Reiner, and Connie. Maybe a larger group than she would usually feel comfortable, but one of them must have dealt with this situation before. Pieck was outgoing and social, she trusted Reiner, and Connie had spent so much time talking about girls that he must have had some experience with these kinds of conversations.
Annie sat down at the table heavily, carefully watching each of them. Sensing her mood, the three of them stopped their conversation, turning toward her. Annie began, “I have a problem.” Pieck leaned over in concern, Reiner shifted his body so that it covered more of her, and Connie’s hands instinctively moved toward his hips where ODM controls would usually rest.
“What’s wrong, Annie?” Reiner’s eyes practically radiated brotherly worry.
“Armin keeps on telling me that he loves me,” Annie whispered. Three blank, uncomprehending expressions stared back at her, and an uncomfortable silence began to stretch. She wanted to say more to break the silence, but she had already defined the problem for them.
“Yeah, isn’t it obvious?” Connie seemed bewildered. “It isn’t exactly a secret, we made fun of him all the time when he visited you over and over again in that crystal.”
“I could tell the moment he laid eyes on you way back in Paradis. And we had just decided to stop killing each other. Armin isn’t exactly subtle about it.” Pieck remarked.
“That’s great!” Reiner exclaimed. As he seemed to catch onto her unchanging expression, his voice dropped to a questioning whisper. “Unless… that’s not what you want?” Pieck and Connie seemed to follow his train of thought, bemused expressions turning quickly to worry.
Now, it was Annie’s turn to scramble for a response. “No, no, I…” her friends looked at her expectantly. “I like that he thinks that about me, I just…” I don’t even know what love means. I don’t know what it means to be in love. I don’t know why he would love me. “Should I say it back? What does that even mean?”
Connie burst into laughter, like he did when she had first seen him again. Pieck broke into a big, teasing, knowing smile. Reiner just looked confused. Annie glared at Connie with all the force she could muster. “Be serious about this!” she whispered threateningly. He continued guffawing, so she kicked him hard in the shins under the table, which caused him to double over in pain, groaning. She turned to Pieck, who raised her hands in surrender, but her brown eyes were still filled with mirth.
“Annie,” Reiner carefully began, “What is Armin to you?”
“I care about him. If someone hurt him, I’d kill them,” Annie said with the assurance of someone stating cold facts.
“I think what Reiner meant to ask was, how do you feel about him?” Pieck added.
Annie took a moment to gather her thoughts. To reflect on what she felt about the boy who she couldn’t bring herself to kill all those years ago, when they were on opposite sides of the battlefield. “I think he’s a good person.” Annie admitted. “He’s kind and brilliant. Someone who deserves much better than what he’s been given.” Someone much better than me. “Armin deserves all the happiness there is in this wretched world.” Annie didn’t notice how her lips had quirked up in a fond smile, how her eyes had softened as she spoke.
“That’s what love is,” Pieck gently said. “I felt the same way about Porco.”
At that, Connie seemed to shift guiltily, no doubt remembering their histories. “Annie, I think you should just tell Armin how you feel. I’ve known Armin a long time, and he’s always struggled with himself. I haven’t seen him more relaxed around anyone else.” Connie spoke with uncharacteristic seriousness. “You two are good for each other.”
Reiner placed a hand on her shoulder, face brimming with pride. “Just tell Armin what you told us. Life is too short for these things to be left unsaid.” Annie simply nodded at that. They both knew how it felt to be living life on a shortened timer.
Suddenly, the three of them suddenly straightened, faces slightly paling. Annie instinctively turned to face the threat, and found Armin and Jean walking in. “Morning, everyone,” Armin greeted, his expression brightening when he saw her, smiling brightly “Hi Annie!” Heat rose to her cheeks and she instinctively tried to bury her head in her hands, catching herself in the middle of the motion. Unfortunately for her, it seemed like her “friends” had noticed, struggling to hold back smiles. Annie glared at them, and kicked Connie as a deterrent, the target of her ire stifling a yelp of pain.
So, she just had to tell Armin how she felt. That would be difficult, but not impossible. The next chance she had to talk with him was a couple of days later in the evening.
Annie waffled in front of the door to Armin’s office, first raised to knock. Frustration welled up in her. This was ridiculous. She had rehearsed what she had planned to say countless ways, and she knew that Armin was kind and would probably take whatever she said well, and if he didn’t and rejected her, well… Annie shook her head, forcing herself away from dangerous thoughts. Feeling a burst of courage from her frustrations, she skipped the knock and opened the door.
Armin was sat behind his desk, buried in some paperwork. He looked tired, but when he realized who was entering, the familiar expression of adoration filled his face. “Evening, Annie.” The words easily fell from his lips curled in a warm smile.
She stopped. “Armin.” That warm, content feeling was back. “Can we talk?” Armin nodded, pushing his paperwork to the side, focusing all of his attention on her. Annie moved to sit, wetting her lips in preparation for what she wanted to say. “You know I care about you, right?” Part of her cringed, her tone was flatter than she intended.
He simply nodded seriously. “Of course. And I care about you more than you could ever imagine.” She flushed, somehow he was talking about his feelings again.
“I would kill anyone who hurt you.” That wasn’t exactly what she meant to say, but Annie pressed on, knowing that if she stopped she would never get the words out. “And you’re a good person. You’ve always been since we first met.” Now her carefully rehearsed words were coming out a rambly mess. “You’re kind and brilliant and deserve happiness.” She faltered on her next words. I love you.
Armin took her pause as a chance to respond. He rose from his seat, walking around the table, before kneeling, so he was eye level with her. “Annie, everything you said about me, I could say doubly for you. You’re wickedly intelligent, beyond caring, strong, and beautiful.” How did he make this look so effortless? “You deserve more than I could ever give.” He gave a confident smile. “I love you, Annie.” With that, he pulled her into his arms, and Annie instinctively melted at the familiar comfort, every muscle becoming relaxed. She closed her eyes contentedly. Maybe she hadn’t said what she wanted to. But she couldn’t find it in herself to be bothered right now.
The frustration came later, after they had separated from the embrace. Little good her friends’ advice had been. She had tried to say what she felt, but somehow, Armin had been able to take her words and turn it back to her. Annie needed to find another solution.
She found inspiration in the strangest of places. The alliance had been visiting the rebuilt capital city of Marley to hammer down details of an extended peace treaty between it and Paradis. They had taken the time to visit old friends: Onyankonpon, Levi, Falco and Gabi while they were there. It had been relaxing, spending time with people they had not seen for months. Annie kept her distance from Levi, both of them exchanging polite nods but no words. But she had seen the way Falco looked at Gabi, and recognized it as the same way Armin looked at her. As the group took a break from the day’s activity at a cafe, she sought Falco out.
“Ms. Annie?” Falco turned his curious hazel eyes toward her. “I hope you’ve been having fun.”
“It’s been nice seeing everyone again.” Annie turned her gaze around, making sure everyone was sufficiently engrossed in their conversations. “You love Gabi, don’t you?” She wasn’t one for subtlety.
Falco blushed, looking away in embarrassment. “Yes, I do,” he replied boyishly, shy but confident at the same time. “Did Mr. Braun send you to talk to me? Did I do something wrong?”
Annie blinked. Reiner knows about this? When did that happen? Forcing her thoughts to get back on track, she said, “No, not at all. I had a question for you.” She pushed forward, trying to avoid the embarrassment of asking a teen for emotional advice. “How did you tell her?”
Falco’s cheeks turned a darker, unhealthy shade of red. His hand came up to rub his nape in shyness. “Ah, well, I tried to confess to her back in Liberio, but she didn’t understand. She was mad at me for trying to take the Armored Titan away from her.” Falco gave a quick chuckle at the memory. “I told her that I loved her on Paradis. I had just ingested the spinal fluid and thought it would be my last chance before being turned into a titan.” His eyes became distant as he recalled the memory. “Gabi, she didn’t say anything back. She just turned to Colt before ripping off my armband. She and Colt looked so surprised.”
“It’s hard to say, isn’t it,” Annie quietly whispered. Somehow, someone seven years her junior had found the courage to say what he felt as he faced down death.
“No, not at all.” At this, Falco seemed to relax, peace filling his youthful features. “I was worried about what Gabi would say, what she would think. But after I said it, it felt right. Because that’s how I felt, and expressing it felt like the easiest thing in the world. Like I could finally tell the world how I felt.”
Annie thought for a moment. She had never expressed how she felt, hiding it under a careful mask. Hiding the guilt and care she felt for other people so that she could complete her mission. It felt wrong to take that barrier of protection off. But maybe she could with Armin. “Thank you, Falco.”
He smiled back at her, encouragingly. “Mr. Armin is a great man. You made the right choice.” She couldn’t argue with that. He was better than she could ever deserve.
Annie chose to take her mask off on a train to Kald. It was an entirely mundane dinner that Armin and her shared, something they had done countless times. But the way the lights in the cabin illuminated his face, and the easy gentleness he looked at her with, made the moment feel right.
“Armin.” She said his name with all the feeling she could muster. He turned to her attentively, waiting, placing his fork down on the plate. Annie tried to think of every single memory and feeling associated with him. The youthful boy whose head was full of dreams of exploring the world outside the walls. The gradually deepening voice that had become her entire world. The confidant, who had confessed that he had wanted to see her on a boat racing toward the end of the world, even though she had done nothing to deserve the attention. Finally, the man sitting across from her, who always looked out for her and asked for nothing in return. There was only one way she could describe how she felt about him.
“I love you.” Annie watched carefully for his reaction. “I don’t know why you love me, but I want you to know I love you.” She waited. Falco was right. It was easy to say.
Armin simply gave a warm smile to that. “I know, Annie. You didn’t have to say it.” He took her hands into his. “I want you to know that you deserve all the love there is in this world, and I want you to never doubt that.”
Annie bit her lip, pushing down the automatic denial. She still wasn’t good at words. So she stood up, Armin hurriedly following her, and pulled Armin into the tightest hug she could muster. It probably was uncomfortably tight, but he didn’t seem to mind. She buried his face into the collar of his shirt, closing her eyes, his scent filling his nose, trying to fill all her sensations with him. Armin simply returned her hug with equal force, and Annie sagged in the embrace.
She was safe, and she was loved and could love. An experience she had never hoped to have.