Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“The reason I came here in the first place was... well, I heard from a reliable source that some idiot lab scientist or whatever came back here from a trip, and brought the infection with them unknowingly. Like an idiot. I came here to warn you guys, but... Hey, at least I saved someone.”

That’s one line Lillium manages to always remember. It’s not completely true, he was never going to be in time to keep the infection from sweeping through the lab, but it’s at least truth-adjacent. He is here in hopes of saving at least one person.

He’s smart enough to know admitting he’s here for Iris will just make the already defensive boy that much less willing to accept his help. How does he even start that conversation? No one knew you were here until it was too late, and I was the only one with a save state close enough to even try to get to you in time. It’s too much to get Iris to believe in the time they have, and he’d rather only have that conversation once anyway.

Sometimes Iris thanks him, which makes him unexpectedly self-conscious. Sometimes Iris unbends enough to smile after they have that part of the conversation, and every time he gets to see that... Lillium can’t help feeling warmed through. He wants to see Iris smile more.

If they can get out of here, he’ll give Iris more reasons to smile. If they can just get out of here. It’s like Washington State Lab itself refuses to let Iris go.

Lillium refuses to give up. He is getting Iris out, no matter what it takes.

There was something a little disturbing about the volume of research the lab had collected about Iris while he was locked up. Lillium pulled out one of the volumes at random and flipped it open. He'd expected the cold, sterilized language, but he had to look even knowing it would piss him off. How else would these vultures think about a captive demiflora? He would bet Iris had never even been given a chance to do anything for himself with his powers.

Of course there was nothing immediately useful, like a nice map indicating Iris's room and directions to the nearest exit from there. They had installed a freaking camera in the kid’s room, but couldn’t leave anything helpful for potential rescuers in case of a sudden outbreak.

Lillium heard the shuffle of someone entering the room behind him and moved long before the researcher had a chance to react and raise the alarm. It wasn't hard to shut down any resistance when the man made the mistake of meeting his eyes.

The man wasn't infected yet. That put him ahead of everyone else Lillium had seen so far.

"Turn around. Take the shortest route out of this building and keep walking.”

With that, Lillium washed his hands of the unknown researcher. He had someone more important to find.

Of course he didn’t make it the first time. Iris wasn’t in his room when he found it, and he didn't have any idea where to go. He finally found Iris’s battered body slumped where he had been cornered, far too late. He looked smaller than Lillium had expected. Or maybe that was just him being so utterly broken.

This was only going to happen once, Lillium told himself. He was here to drag this kid out alive, after all.

Now he knew that left to his own devices Iris would make it as far as barricading himself in one of the rooms off the kitchen. After that, the trick was just getting him out of that room and somewhere easier to pick up before the infected could converge on him.

The first time Iris fell down the stairs it just about gave Lillium a heart attack. He knelt to find Iris had thankfully just knocked himself out, then scooped him up into his arms. (Normally it would be better not to move someone with a possible head injury, but the glitch who had tried to attack Iris was stumbling down the stairs towards them and that took precedence.)

At least he was able to get Iris somewhere safe, though he would have preferred somewhere safe outside the lab. One step at a time.

Of course he was going to get Iris out safely. He’d gotten out of worse situations by himself. Lillium was completely confident.

Right up until they were separated.

It was so much worse to have Iris die in front of him. Finding him too late had been depressing, and it was a failure, but this...

This was losing someone he knew now. Iris hadn’t exactly been in a hurry to open up, but Lillium already wanted to know more about him. That could never happen now, not with Iris lying there in throat-torn silence.

He had picked the wrong route, moved at the wrong time. He would know better next time. He could still fix this.

Lillium wished he could get there fast enough to save Iris from cracking his head at the base of the stairs.

Shooting the glitch that went after Iris when he made it to the lobby wasn’t an option. He didn’t have a clean angle to be absolutely sure he wouldn’t hit Iris. Also, he was intimately aware of the risk from making that much noise. There was a reason the gun was a last resort.

He only managed it once. Lillium couldn’t help feeling very pleased with himself as he smiled at Iris’s shocked expression upside down.

Iris yelled and tried to push away from him. This was technically a fair reaction to being grabbed by a stranger while your entire world was actively dissolving into a nightmare apocalypse around you, but the shouting also wasn’t very helpful.

“Get off! Who are you?!”

“I’m the one who left those helpful signs to get you here safely. I’ll explain the rest when we’re out of here.”

It turned out if he tried to take Iris out in the middle of the morning the ground floor was still swarming with newly-turned glitches. Maybe it was a plant thing; seeking light and fresh air and congregating very helpfully around all the exits. There was no way out.

If he took the time to secure them an escape route, then it didn’t seem to matter how fast he ran. He always got there a moment too late.

He knew Iris would wake up in a matter of hours, but he still hated it.

“I don’t know why they couldn’t put his files on a disk or something portable,” Lillium was on the phone with Begonia while he waited for Iris to wake up (again.) It helped that she could remember what was going on. She was outside of this loop he had gotten himself stuck in. She could remember what he told her about Iris, what little he had been allowed to learn.

“Y-you don’t have a chance to drop them through the save point?”

“Whatever these idiots wrote about him, it’s not worth the extra weight. What matters is getting him out.” Lillium had his own notes scattered on the kitchen table, a few possibilities for where he could bring Iris safely once they were out of the lab and able to regroup. He couldn’t even hold onto his own stupid notes.

“You read my files?”

Lillium jerked his head up in surprise. Iris wasn’t supposed to be awake yet, was he? And whatever he had heard of the conversation he obviously didn’t like it. Well, Lillium could still salvage this situation. Probably. He would have to apologize to Begonia later for hanging up while she was still asking what was happening, but he was pretty sure when she got to meet Iris she would forgive him.

“Good to see you’re still among the living. I was worried after that fall.”

“Who are you?”

“Glad you asked! I’m Lillium White. Call me whatever you’d like. Also your knight that left you those signs.”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re here, or why you were reading my files. You’re obviously not a faculty member.”

Iris was edging around the table away from him. Lillium had to clamp down on the impulse to follow.

“The reason I came here in the first place was... well, I heard from a reliable source that some idiot lab scientist or whatever came back here from a trip, and brought the infection with them-”

“I don’t believe you.”

That wasn’t the dubious little glare Iris usually gave him when he didn’t want to talk. His eyes were too wide, his jaw clenched too tight. He looked scared more than anything.

“Okay, one sec. Let me figure out how to say this.” He’d gotten Iris to trust him before. How had that gone?

Iris shoved a chair at him and bolted.

Lillium would have been embarrassed how much time tripping over a stupid chair cost him, but he had more important things to focus on.

He caught up with Iris halfway across an empty dining room. He was too slow to stop Iris from shrieking out, “Let go!” before he clapped one hand over the struggling boy’s mouth and dragged him back against his chest.

“I need you to be quiet,” he hissed urgently. “Everyone left in this place is infected. That means they will hunt us down if they can. They can’t see anything that isn’t moving so they rely on their ears.”

As if to prove his point, a body that he hadn’t noticed on the floor was dragging itself up, probably in response to Iris’s shout.

Lillium breathed, “No noise,” into Iris’s ear. He wanted to keep saying reassuring things, but that would be going against his own good advice. To his credit, Iris stayed still and silent except for his breathing.

The glitch opened its mouth, but Lillium couldn’t parse any of the garbled sound and static that came out into words. He felt Iris jolt against him.

Either it was already too late, or the glitch could hear Iris hyperventilating. It didn’t matter. Lillium could see it wasn’t going to veer off course.

He had to release the arm he had locked around Iris’s waist to get at his gun. Before Iris could do something stupid like trying to run away, Lillium yanked him around and got one arm up around his head in an attempt to cover his ears, then shot the glitch in the leg. The glitch went down, thrown off balance by vines writhing up out of the wound, and Iris let out an indignant yelp into his chest.

“You said to be quiet!”

“That was when it didn’t already know we were here. New plan, run for the elevator.”

He tried to pull Iris with him, only to have Iris jerk out of his grip and nearly fall.

“Are you really scared of me when we have things like that to worry about?”

“You have a gun!” Iris snapped back, though at least he was running instead of standing around to have this argument.

“Which I am using to keep those things away from you!”

Iris slapped for the key card that should have been around his neck. Too late Lillium realized they had both left it back in the apartment when Iris ran. There was no going back for it now. The glitch from the dining room had figured out how to get its legs under it again and it had a friend.

Lillium shoved Iris back behind him, even though he logically knew it wouldn’t do much good. “We wouldn’t be in this situation if you hadn’t run out here like an idiot!” he accused.

“That’s victim blaming and I am not listening to it from you.”

Iris’s voice shook, but Lillium could feel hands fisted in the back of his vest. He didn’t want Iris to be afraid. He didn’t want Iris to die again. He sure as heck didn’t want to die himself.

“Look, I know I haven’t had time to show you you can trust me, but you don’t have a choice now. I’ll draw them towards me. Once they’re focused on me, run.”

“What?”

“Let go, and get ready to run. Go for the stairs. Don’t wait for me.”

He had an instant to wonder if he died while Iris was saved would that be it for him. Begonia wouldn’t forgive him for this one.

He had to explain himself to Begonia later, which was at least better than the alternative.

It did mean that Iris wasn't free of the lab either. Instead he was sleeping on the couch in the next room (again, though Lillium was listening more closely this time in case he woke sooner than anticipated.) Lillium had to wonder if they were caught in this cycle because he kept dying, or because of Iris. Begonia had confirmed he didn't have a save file of his own yet, but Irises were uniquely powerful in terms of how they could alter reality. He felt like their lives had become linked, like as long as Iris was trapped here he couldn't leave either.

Begonia giggled at him. He could almost picture her face, the warm smile and the impish mirth in her eyes.

"What?"

"N-nothing. I want to m-meet this Iris. H-he must be something special."

Because it was Begonia, he could take that jab.

"Yeah. Sooner rather than later, I hope."

It had to be close to time for Iris to wake, or for him to start worrying if it didn't happen.

"We'll see you soon," he told Begonia. He wasn't going to promise to call if they were knocked back to step one again.

(Begonia didn't blame him for not making it the next time he called. Iris was sleeping in temporary safety in the next room while they talked. Again.)

"Did you just call me Mr. White?"

"You told me I could call you anything."

"Yeah, well, I'm not going to say that again. ‘Mr. White’ just don’t sit right with me. Just call me Lillium or something."

Demiflora couldn’t be infected, though no one knew why. That thought didn’t bring Lillium much solace at a time like this. The glitch’s teeth gnawed into his upraised arm, straight to the bone, until he could barely think past the pain.

“Hey!”

Something hit the glitch, distracting it into letting go. Beyond it, Lillium saw Iris shove his hand into a flyer on the wall and pull out something that looked like a piece of fruit. He flung that at the glitch too.

“What are you doing? You were supposed to run!” Lillium shouted. When he had told Iris to hold tight if he was cornered by a glitch and wait for him to come distract it he had not meant for that to be a two-way street!

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“It looks like you’re endangering yourself for no reason!”

For some reason, the glitch had swung around to focus on Iris. Lillium was sure they couldn’t talk, not when they were this far gone, but the growling static that came out of its mouth almost seemed to resolve into Iris Black.

Lillium might have lost it a little at that point. He didn’t take the easy opening to run. He grabbed the thing that still had his skin and blood in its teeth and slammed a foot into the back of its knee, sending it to the floor.

“You can’t have him!”

Iris stared at his outburst. Lillium strode across the room and grabbed him by the hand to pull him into a run.

He expected to be questioned. He didn’t expect the first thing out of Iris’s mouth to be, “Your arm-”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m not infected. I’ll explain later.”

“You’re still bleeding.”

“Stop worrying about me.”

“What is your problem?”

“I just want to get out of here before you get hurt too.” (Before you get hurt again, was pounding unspoken in Lillium’s brain.)

Iris wasn’t heavy, but carrying him around as a limp weight wasn’t Lillium’s idea of a good time. At least he’d learned to get Iris’s key card off of him first thing so he wouldn’t have to juggle the unconscious boy to get at it in a rush when they reached the elevator.

As he lay Iris down on the couch to recover, Lillium took a moment to wrap his coat a little more snugly around Iris’s skinny shoulders.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” he muttered, giving Iris’s hair a gentle ruffle as he let go.

Iris drew closer to him, hand coming up to hold his arm. That was new. Lillium looked around quickly, expecting danger.

Iris had his attention fixed on one of the bodies. He’d been calm–shockingly calm considering the circumstances–but Lillium was still waiting for him to be pushed too far. Iris had mentioned stumbling on what one of the glitches had done to someone he knew once before, but he’d been detached about it. Lillium wasn’t sure if he was evading opening up to a stranger or repressing or what.

“Someone you knew?”

“I think that’s... He’s my ex.”

When Iris let go, Lillium put an arm around his shoulders to turn him away from the corpse. “Don’t look,” he advised.

He’d tried to look around for any other survivors the first few times. Anyone who had escaped being infected was long gone or dead. By now Lillium had come to terms with the fact that there was no one else left here to save.

The infected didn't gain fangs or claws, but the places where their bodies fizzled into static could be sharp enough to cut into the world around them. At least sharp enough to cut into things their formerly-human brains understood could be cut.

They couldn't infect Iris, but they could hurt him. They would, given the slightest chance.

Lillium had only let Iris out of his sight for a minute. Iris just had to stay a step ahead, not get ambushed, and he would catch up in no time.

Since when was their luck that good?

By the time Lillium caught up Iris wasn’t running anymore. He was on his knees with his arms clutched around his middle. The glitch reached for him again, but Lillium had his gun in hand before those bloody fingers could touch Iris's face. He wished he could do more than knock it back and make an opening to grab the smaller boy himself. He wished he had time to destroy that thing.

Iris couldn’t seem to get himself upright. He was unable to even get an arm around Lillium to steady himself when Lillium scooped him up.

Carrying Iris with him, Lillium was at least able to get them out of direct line of sight of anything that wanted to murder them. When he stopped and gently pried Iris’s arm away to inspect the damage it was so much worse than he had feared.

That thing had ripped Iris’s stomach open. He could see more of Iris’s insides than he ever had on anyone still living.

Lillium couldn't fix this. Even if he could get Iris to safety, he couldn't treat those wounds. Iris was going to die, but not quickly.

"I'm so, so sorry. This wasn’t supposed to happen again," Lillium whispered. He cradled Iris closer, prompting a hitching sob. There was no way to hold Iris without causing more pain.

He should put Iris out of his misery, not let him hurt like this with no hope of being saved, but he couldn't. He cradled Iris to his chest, feeling his small body shake, and he just couldn't.

There was a faster way to reset, and it didn’t involve leaving Iris and going back through the save point. Lillium put the gun to his own temple, and squeezed both Iris and the trigger.

“Go sit your butt down. I’m makin’ some food.”

Lillium directed a smile back at Iris, at the suspicious little twist of his mouth. He knew there wouldn’t be any lasting damage, but he had tugged Iris’s shirt up just enough to confirm the sight of unbroken skin after settling him on the couch anyway. He might have spent a little more time than necessary beside Iris before his usual supply run.

Iris went to pull one of the chairs out, but instead of sitting he had to grab at it to stay upright. He doubled over, coughing. The next instant he was vomiting up black liquid.

“Iris!” Lillium abandoned the stove.

He helped Iris to his knees, feeling a few dry heaves jolt through him like aftershocks. The raw smell of ink kicked Lillium in the hindbrain. He had a brief mental flash of Irid wiping ink from his mouth as if impatient with his own limits. He remembered Irid’s grip too tight on his wrist when he went to help, Irid telling him not to worry. Forget that. He would worry about Iris as much as he damn well pleased.

“Oh- oh god, what is this?”

“Pretty sure it’s ink,” Lillium offered.

“But how... I’ve never heard of this symptom.”

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re not infected. I knew someone else with powers like yours who threw up ink before. It’s, ah... it’s totally normal, I promise. He did it when he used his powers too much. I know it sucks, but you’ll be okay. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

As he talked, Lillium wrapped a firm arm around Iris and helped him to his feet. He half-carried Iris to the sink so he could rinse his mouth out. Iris stuck his entire head in the sink before he could even look for a water glass.

He wanted to keep holding Iris up, but Iris swatted weakly at his chest and groaned out a few disjointed words. The gist Lillium got from it was that the smell of Iris's dinner burning was not helping with his nausea. He had to rush to move the pan and switch off the burner he had been using.

Even as he said it was normal, Lillium was having a much harder time not freaking out internally. Iris had only used his powers very briefly that he knew of, and that felt like days ago now. If that was enough to set him off this shouldn’t be so shocking to him. Did it have something to do with the damage he’d taken on this last reset? Usually they went for the throat.

Or at least they had that he knew about. Lately Lillium was always the one to die first.

By the time he got back Iris had calmed, though his breathing still sounded harsh. He dragged one wrist weakly across his mouth, not raising his head. When Iris tried to collapse, Lillium eased him down to the floor again. He ended up kneeling beside Iris with one arm protectively around him.

Lillium dug around in the pockets of his vest to fish out a piece of hard candy. It had been a lucky find, Irid’s old favorite, and he had tossed the rest of it in the bag he grabbed for Iris. He would hand over the piece he had kept without hesitation.

“Here. My friend said this always helped with the nausea.”

“Why do you know about my powers?” Iris’s hands were shaking as he unwrapped the candy, but of course he still had energy to question Lillium. That was comforting.

“I went out earlier looking for other survivors. Saw some test results with your name on ‘em.” Both of those statements were true, even if they weren’t connected the way Iris would assume. “I grabbed some fresh clothes from your room while I was out, so you can clean up when you’re ready.”

“Why are you being nice to me?”

What did he even say to that? Because you were hurt and it’s still stuck in my head. Because I know you’ve apparently decided the world is only going to shut you down so you try to shut it out first, but it’s too late for me to pretend I’m fooled by that nihilist shell of yours. Because I like it when you’re snarky, and I like it when you smile, and when you think I’m being dumb you kind of scrunch your nose at me and it’s cute. Because you’re you.

They didn't know each other, not really. All of their time together was only the same day over and over. It only amounted to a few hours at most.

“Because it’s basically the end of the world and we might as well take care of the people next to us. I told you; you were the only one left for me to save.”

“You didn’t tell me that.”

Lillium rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I guess I’m getting things out of order again. The important thing is that we’re both still alive, right? I’ll get you out of here.”

Iris drew his legs up and folded in on himself, forehead to his knees. “No. I think if I’m completely losing my mind it’s better if I stay put.”

“You’re not losing your mind.”

“That’s exactly what I’d expect my hallucination to say. Everyone’s been expecting me to snap for years.”

Lillium reached over and pinched Iris’s arm, hard.

“Ow!” The sheer indignation in that one syllable made him smile.

“Would be a hell of a nightmare, but unfortunately this is real. Or fortunately, since you have me here to help you. Trust me, it’s the rest of the world that’s gone crazy, not you.”

Iris rubbed sulkily at the spot where Lillium had pinched him, but didn’t argue.

Now if he could only remember the right order to get his words in to convince Iris to come with him.

The stairs had been a mistake. Of course they had to be cut off on both sides, trapped between landings.

“Can’t we jump over the railing?” Iris looked too close to trying exactly that when Lillium pulled him back.

“Not without breaking your legs.” At which point he would just be waiting for them to zero in on him and tear him apart. Even if he didn’t break something there were more further down. Lillium could hear them climbing. “I’m never taking you this way again.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet,” Iris muttered sarcastically.

“Look at me.” Lillium cupped Iris’s cheeks and forced the other boy around to face him. He understood the instinct not to look away from the infected closing in on them, but it wouldn’t help.

There was a little flinch as Iris tried to blink, instinctively trying to resist when Lillium looked into his eyes. Lillium saw the moment when his powers caught, the reflection of his own eyes becoming a light that filled Iris’s pupils.

“Go to sleep,” Lillium ordered.

Iris’s eyes rolled back. He sagged, but Lillium was right there to catch him and lower him to the floor. Not that gentleness would make much of a difference right now. Not when they were about to die again.

At least this time Iris wouldn’t suffer.

He wasn’t going to let go of Iris’s hand this time. He couldn’t lose Iris, not again.

They had done this too many times. Everything he had said, every route they had taken, was starting to get jumbled together in his brain. (Lillium wasn’t sure if he had taken longer to let Iris collect himself, or what else changed that they ended up barricaded in. They had come this way before, hadn’t they? Had someone else survived longer than he knew? The glitches shouldn’t be lucid enough to start blocking off parts of the building.)

In retrospect, he should have thought of just shoving Iris in the save point much sooner. He hadn’t wanted to be separated, but if this was the only way to get Iris out in one piece... It was like everyone in the lab refused to let him go. Well, Lillium refused to let them keep him.

Begonia would get him through the next step, and Lillium would be right there on the other side, ready to catch him.

Chapter Text

Lillium wanted a chance to appreciate that things had finally calmed down. Through some miracle he was alive, he still had his eyes, and he still had Iris with him. All he wanted was to get a few hours of real sleep and then make breakfast for all his favorite idiots who had somehow dragged him out of spawncamper hell in one piece.

There was something he had to do first, or more specifically something he had to ask. Iris was curled up at his side, wrapped up in the coat that Lillium assumed he was never getting back. He was as close as it was possible to get without touching, but with his back pointedly turned towards Lillium as if to insist he was still angry. He’d been near tears when he apologized for running, and Lillium had to explain about compelling him to do it.

Lillium hated to break the silence, but he had to. “How many times do you remember dying?”

Iris flinched. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Lillium felt like his heart flinched in return at that sharp answer. He had to know now. “Did it happen again when you went into that camp after me?”

“I’m not talking about this with you. You think I’m crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy. I’m just trying to figure out how bad it is.”

“You sound like one of my therapists.” Iris shoved himself up to better glare at Lillium.

“I know you’re not crazy.”

Lillium didn’t miss the way Iris’s eyes only met his for a second and then flicked away. He wouldn’t let it sting. He knew to expect that reaction after he’d used his powers on Iris.

“That makes one of us.”

“I need to know if you got killed trying to rescue me.”

“No!” Iris finally burst out.

“But when were separated at the save point... and again when we were ambushed this morning?”

Iris set his mouth stubbornly, but that was enough of an answer.

“Iris...” Lillium made an aborted motion towards Iris before remembering the reaction when he’d tried to help him into the truck yesterday. After he’d been killed, Lillium realized now. He’d had a bad feeling about being separated, but when Iris stumbled out of the save point and into his arms he really had thought everything was finally okay.

“There’s a lot of things I wanted to wait until we were at the camp to tell you. I thought it would be better to help you learn all the details once you were safe, and there’s things that I’m probably not the best person to explain anyway.”

“How am I supposed to trust you when you won’t even look me in the face?”

Lillium was making a point to keep his eyes on Iris’s left shoulder. Normally if someone had a problem with his powers he would call it a them problem, but he had compelled Iris on top of the trauma and confusion he was already facing. He didn’t want Iris to be afraid of him. “I figured you wouldn’t want me to. You understand what Lily eyes can do now, right? I don’t blame you if-”

Iris interrupted by grabbing his face and leveling a determined stare right into his eyes. Lillium never knew such a grumpy little frown could melt his heart.

“What’s that smirk for?” Iris demanded.

“You know you kinda scrunch your nose when you make that face?”

“I do not.”

“It’s adorable.”

Iris made a little scoffing noise and let go of Lillium’s face, but the tension was effectively broken.

Then Iris chafed his arms and shivered, because he’d decided to treat his newly acquired coat like a blanket and it had slid off when he sat up.

“Can I hug you?”

“No.” Iris leaned away with a suspicious glare.

Lillium put his hands up placatingly and backed off. He was willing to be pushy when it was Iris’s safety on the line, but he wasn’t going to push Iris’s comfort zone just because he wanted a hug.

After a minute of awkward silence Iris whispered, “Yes,” and crawled into his arms.

Lillium wrapped Iris in his arms and squeezed him tightly. Iris smelled... not great, honestly, but that wasn’t going to stop him from burying his face in Iris’s shoulder. Iris was alive. Lillium could reach cloud nine on that alone.

“You didn’t believe me before about dying and coming back,” Iris accused.

“You had just told me we were minutes out from being murdered by spawncampers. Can you forgive me for being a little distracted?”

Iris didn’t answer, but Lillium felt some tension go out of him. He wished he’d reassured Iris sooner. Iris had said people thought he was crazy, and that was bad enough. Lillium was pretty sure he remembered a moment when Iris hadn’t been sure if he could trust himself.

“I didn’t get you out of that place on the first try,” Lillium finally admitted.

“Oh.” The little shudder in that one word made him think Iris didn’t remember. He didn’t want Iris to remember dying. “How many tries did it take?”

“Too many.” There wasn’t a good answer for that. Losing Iris one time would have been too many. But if he didn’t answer, Iris might make it even worse in his head. He ran his fingers down Iris’s spine as if counting on the bumps of his vertebra. “Thirteen. It was lucky number thirteen when I got you out.”

“Are you going to tell me this is a normal thing for demiflora now? And if you did it so many times, how come you kept getting turned around?”

“It’s not my fault the layout was so confusing in that stupid lab. Anyway, it’s not a good thing to rely on. That’s how you get corrupted save files or worse, and everything gets mixed up in your head. I wondered if it was because I was with you that it worked that many times at all. You’re an Iris demiflora. I don’t even know what all you can do.”

“Begonia started saying something about Irises, but then she stopped when she realized you were keeping things from me.”

Lilluim sighed as he ran a hand up and down Iris’s back again. He could practically feel Iris’s sulky glare. If Iris didn’t like what he heard... If he decided to overreact and run off into an unfamiliar countryside full of spawncampers and glitches, Lillium was going with him. That was all there was to it.

“The truth is-”

“I would say you should take a turn at watch if you’re not going to sleep, but it looks like you’re too distracted.”

Lillium felt his face heat at Heather’s bored, amused tone. Iris pushed away from his chest. Lillium got a glimpse of the pink in his cheeks as he turned to look back at Heather. She fixed them both with a smug smile.

“You do whatever. I’m going to sleep,” Iris said as he put some decisive distance between them.

Heather was clearly unimpressed by Lillium’s silent why-would-you-do-that flail. She was the kind of friend you could trust to make sure spawncampers didn’t get to keep your eyes after you’d been horribly murdered, but apparently not the kind of friend who understood the concept of a private conversation. Lillium was starting to feel he was very short on friends in that category.

“Fine. I’m sleeping. We’re sleeping.” Lillium shoved his pack under his head as a makeshift pillow. He really did need the sleep. Being tranqed did not count as far as he was concerned.

When he let his gaze drift over, Iris was trying to manipulate his coat into serving as both blanket and pillow.

“Want to borrow my shoulder for a few hours?

“Are you angling for another hug?”

“You know me so well.”

Iris rolled his eyes and finally settled down again, not moving any closer but at least not pointedly snubbing him. “We’ve known each other for two days.”

“Give it time. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Give it time. You’ll get sick of me.”

“What will you give me when you lose that bet?”

“No idea. When I win are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

“I’ll do that anyway. Wake you up early for a cooking lesson?”

“You-”

Laying a silencing finger across Iris’s lips, Lillium leaned in and murmured so softly even Sunny shouldn’t be able to overhear, “And a private heart-to-heart.”

Lillium hadn’t thought he was the right person to explain things to Iris, but it wasn’t as simple as bringing Iris back safely and letting the settlement leaders handle the rest anymore. People were going to expect him to be Irid. If nothing else, he needed to know that.

If he had been dealing with Irid, Lillium would’ve had no reservations about stepping back and letting him handle things, but Iris wasn’t anything close to being a replacement. He wouldn’t say Iris was incapable. Iris had proved himself determined and resourceful and Lillium had reason to be beyond grateful. Still, five years of isolation from the outside world had left a lasting impact. Iris had obviously learned not to trust others, and Lillium could see he had been taught not to trust himself.

He hadn’t even known what a demiflora was two days ago. Now people were going to look at him and see an Iris, not... Iris, a boy with his own needs and thoughts and a name.

After two days, two weeks, or however he wanted to count it, he wanted Iris with him. Even with his brain still a bit scrambled from starting over so many times, even with so much of what he knew of Iris being a fragmented mess, he knew that much.

It wasn’t like he’d gone into this thinking he wouldn’t get attached, but maybe not this deeply. He didn’t just not want Iris to die again. He didn’t want Iris to be hurt anymore, or used, or have his feelings dismissed. He wanted people to treat Iris right, and he was going to be first in line.

Watching Iris snuggle down in his coat to sleep, Lillium felt profoundly, impossibly fond. He wanted to stay with Iris, now, and to keep moving forward together.