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Neil sat in the booth across from Charlie and stared at the waiter talking at a table a few feet away. He was the most beautiful man he’d ever met- but he knew he couldn’t talk to him- he’d sworn off relationships.
“Take a picture, it'll last longer.” Charlie snorted and rolled his eyes. Neil blushed and looked down at his menu. “Just pick something already-” Charlie started to say then cut himself off as the waiter Neil was staring at came up to their table.
“Hey guys can I get you anything to drink?” he smiled. Neil had been sitting with his feet on the seat, knees up to his chest but he quickly slid them down and hit his knee against the leg of the table.
“Ah- shit-” Neil dropped his head onto the table and clutched his knee. Charlie smirked.
“Water, for now. Thanks.” Charlie told him.
“Uh… ok.” Todd frowned at Neil for a second. “I’ll get those and be right back…” he nodded and then left.
“Real smooth, Perry.” Charlie scoffed.
“I’m the worst-” Neil mumbled into the table.
“Look- it’s been years since you dated anyone… literally the last time was that girl in seventh grade when you were still pretending to be straight,” Charlie said. “Why not give it a shot?”
Neil was silent for a moment and didn’t lift his head. “I can’t Charlie.”
“Ok.” Charlie shrugged and looked at his menu. “I think I want the bacon burger, what about you?” Charlie moved on, not letting them dwell on it.
“Chicken tenders…” Neil lifted his head and put his chin in his hand. A second later the waiter came back. Neil read his name tag.
Todd.
“Ok, here are those waters, do you know what you’d like to eat yet?” Todd asked, pulling out his little notepad and a pen.
“I’m getting the bacon burger, no pickles, and a side of fries.” Charlie nodded.
“Chicken tender basket,” Neil said and they handed Todd their menus.
“A man after my own heart.” Todd smiled softly and Neil felt himself blush and he looked away. “Ok, I’ll get those right in for ya.” he nodded and then left them again.
Charlie hesitated, but he really wanted to see his best friend happy. “Neil… it’s clear he likes you, and if you didn’t see, he had a pride pin on his hat, he’s gay, and he likes you, just-”
“Charlie- I can’t afford to be careless,” Neil said quickly. “I am not going to bother with that kind of thing when it’s never going to last, okay?”
Charlie sighed and nodded. “Fine.”
The two of them talked about college and rent and stupid adult things, and how they were grateful they lived together instead of with strangers- then Todd brought over their check, and he set it in front of Neil.
When Neil picked it up he blushed brightly.
“What?” Charlie asked.
“He put his phone number on it-” Neil turned it around and showed Charlie. Charlie grinned.
“Take it slow Neil, be careful, but still go for it.” He encouraged Neil.
Neil bit his lip. Then took out his phone and put Todd's number in.
“Charlie! I need your help!” Neil shouted as he came into the apartment. Charlie stuck his head out of his room.
“What is it? What’s broken? Where's the fire?” he asked quickly.
Neil held up his phone, open to a text conversation between him and Todd. “ he asked me out!”
“Oh!” Charlie stepped all the way out of his room with a grin.
“I said yes!” Neil panicked. “We- were going out tonight! What do I do? What do I wear? How do I-”
“Neil, calm down, you are being the most careful person I’ve ever met- it’s literally been two months since you got his number and you're finally going on a first date.” Charlie put his hands on Neil's shoulders. “It’ll be fine, Just remember if you go to a second location, lemme know.”
“O-ok.” Neil nodded. “You gotta help me pick something to wear…”
Neil and Todd had gotten dinner and were now sitting on the shore of the small Lake next to the diner. They were just throwing little rocks into the water as they talked.
“So… why’d it take so long for you to ask me out…?” Neil asked softly… not that he’d hoped Todd would have done it sooner, but he was curious.
“Well… your friend texted me and told me to take it slow with you…” Todd said softly.
‘Damn Charlie-’ Neil thought to himself. But he nodded. “Oh…”
“Do… you not want me to?” Todd asked hesitantly.
“No- I do- wanna go slow… I just wish he’d let me tell you that…” Neil said and looked away, embarrassed.
“It’s ok, you told me yourself just now.” Todd nodded with a small smile. “But I really do like you Neil… and I’m in it for the long run, if slow is what you want, then slow is what I’ll do,” he said softly.
Neil nodded. “Sorry…”
“You don't have to be sorry, Neil, it’s ok. I get it, You said your dad was always super careless, he’s been married three times, so it makes you scared to try.” Todd nodded. “But you don't wanna be like him, so you’re careful, and I can respect that.”
Neil smiled softly. “Thank you Todd…”
Todd smiled back and then put his arm around Neil's shoulders.
Neil was still for a moment, but then he let himself lean into Todd. It was the first time Todd put an arm around him- but it just… felt right.
It was another three or so months later when Neil brought a box of stuff over to Todd's apartment. He wasn’t moving out of his and Charlie’s apartment, but he spent almost every other night at Todd's place… and Todd had cleaned out a drawer for him.
“Hey, come on in.” Todd opened the door. “You don't have to knock, you know.” he smiled softly.
Neil shrugged. “It feels weird not to…” Todd helped him put his stuff away and then they sat down on the couch. Cuddling. They talked about everything and nothing for a while, until Neil decided to ask something. “Todd… are we… moving too fast?” Neil had felt like after their first date he had grown a little careless… and he hadn’t had them go as slow as he had originally intended. Heck- he just got a drawer at Todd's place!
Todd was quiet for a second. “I dunno… do you feel like we’re moving too fast?” Todd asked.
Neil bit his lip. “It’s just- I dunno… I don't wanna… wanna fight about it- I just- with my dad and stuff… he would have girlfriends between his wives…” Neil admitted softly. “And they always started moving in and stuff when he would cheat on them and- and they would fight all the time, yelling day in and day out I just don't want that to be us.”
Todd gently ran his hand through Neil's hair. “Neil. that won’t be us. We will never make your parents' mistakes. I’m never going to cheat on you.”
Neil felt like he might cry. He leaned up and kissed Todd. “Thank you,” he said softly.
The next month Neil actually moved all the way in with Todd, Charlie’s boyfriend Knox taking his place at their apartment.
Neil got a key and Todd got a second job, it was chaotic and it felt like they had nothing figured out, it was terrifying- but Neil wasn’t scared. Not with Todd by his side. They had bills to pay and adult shit to figure out but they had each other.
Sometimes- when Neil would get freaked out or scared, Todd would take him down to the lake where he’d put his arm around him for the first time. Neil told him that was when he first started falling in love with him. They told each other everything next to the lake. They said I love you for the first time there and kissed for the first time there.
After another few months, Todd got a third job, working nights. Neil tried to tell him to take it slow and be careful, but Todd had even put school on hold for all his jobs. Despite Neil having a job of his own to help out.
Neil wasn’t sure why Todd was working so much- but when he was home alone and Todd was at work, he was left with his thoughts. He couldn’t help thinking that maybe Todd was lying, maybe he was meeting up with someone, maybe he wanted to spend less time around Neil…
Neil waited for Todd to get home one night, it was 2:30 am by the time Todd finally got home, exhausted and ready for bed. But he was surprised when he saw Neil standing in the kitchen.
“Hey babe, what’s up?” Todd asked, walking up to him, putting his hands on his hips, and kissing the top of his head.
“I wanted to ask you something,” Neil said.
“And it can’t wait till morning?” Todd chuckled.
Neil shifted and looked down. “It’s important…” Todd hesitated and nodded, taking a step back.
“Ok.” he nodded for Neil to continue.
“It’s just- you’ve been working a lot-”
“I told you, I have to,” Todd said.
“I know- I just- when you're not here- I just get so- so lonely and I- I just start thinking and-”
“Neil, I spend every spare second I have with you,” Todd said, slumping his shoulders slightly.
Neil shrank back slightly. “I know- I’m sorry- I” Neil took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around himself. “I just- if it’s me- or something I did then-”
“Neil- it’s not you. I’m doing this for you.” Todd tried to explain. “I’m working like this for you-”
“I don't need money Todd, I need you.”
“I’m trying to give you everything, Neil, me- you just- you don't get it yet-” Neil flinched and Todd hesitated. “Neil, please try to understand-”
“I understand.” Neil bit. Tears welled up in his eyes. He’d heard Todd, it wasn’t because of him… except it was, Todd was working himself to death because he’d made Todd think he wanted money- that he wanted someone with money- how could he have done that? He was the problem in this relationship. “Todd I don't want you killing yourself for work, just for me.”
“I want to- an- and it’s not just for you Neil.” Todd frowned, confused, tired, and feeling a little defensive. “I told you, you just don't understand yet if you could just let it go for now-”
“Let it go?” Neil looked up and tears started rolling down his cheeks. “Let it go? Todd, how can I let it go? You get home and you sleep, and you stopped going to school! You want to be a writer, but you’ve thrown it all away because of me! How am I supposed to let it go!”
“Not for you!” Todd shouted back. “Us! For us! How do you not understand that!” the second Todd raised his voice Neil flinched and shrunk back. Todd froze- shit. “Neil- wait-” Neil darted for the door, he burst through it and started running. There was a stream that ran behind the apartments that ran all the way to the lake. Neil was barefoot, but he didn’t care, everything was slipping through his fingers. It was all falling apart.
He ran all the way to the lake, not looking back, he stopped on the shore and put his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath and he heard Todd's voice.
“Neil! Please just wait!” he called out.
No. Neil tried to run but he tripped and fell to his knees.
“Neil!” Todd cried out and ran faster, he knelt down and grabbed Neil's arm, trying to help him up. But Neil was panicking, he tried to pull away, scared Todd would be like his dad, hit him because he ran- “Neil-”
Neil heard the tone in Todd's voice- this was it- Todd was going to break up with him- he was ready for it, he knew it would come sooner or later, and he’d brought it upon himself.
“I’ll go- I’m sorry!” Neil sobbed.
Finally, Todd just grabbed his shoulders and made him look into his eyes. “Neil. I’m never gonna leave you alone,” he said sternly. Neil stared at him, tears in his eyes. “Do you remember how we felt, sitting right here by the water? Every time I look at you, it’s like it happens all over again, just like the first time I fell in love with you. I fell in love with a careless man’s careful son, and you are the best thing that’s ever been mine!”
Then Todd pulled something out of his pocket. A little box- Neil looked down at it, confused. Todd opened it and inside was a ring.
“I’m working so much to pay off this- I just got to pick it up today… I was gonna give it to you next week on our anniversary…” Todd pulled the ring out of the box and took Neil’s left hand. “But I need to let you know that this isn’t a game to me, this is real and I’m here for the long run. To the end. This is my dedication to you, Neil, do you see it? We’re gonna make it. You and I together. If you’ll have me. Neil Perry-” Neil was crying all over again, but not from fear or panic- from happiness. “Will you marry me?”
Neil nodded quickly. “Yes- yes, god yes!” Neil grinned. Todd smiled back and slid the ring onto his finger and then the two of them kissed, wrapping each other in their arms and holding each other close.