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4. Hiding an Illness
“It wasn’t me, I swear!” Harry shouted, gritting his teeth as Uncle Vernon grabbed Harry by the hair and dragged him towards his cupboard under the stairs.
“No meals for a week I said, but I have the mind to make it two!” Uncle Vernon shouted. He pulled the door open and shoved Harry into the cupboard.
Harry whimpered and threw his arms up over his head to protect it as he went barreling into the wall, collapsing in a heap on the old mattress that was his bed. He curled in on himself as Uncle Vernon slammed the door and slid the lock home, fighting back tears and trying not to let anyone hear him cry.
“Harry?”
Harry burrowed further into himself to get away from Uncle Vernon, who was still screaming at him from the hallway.
“Harry, wake up! You’re having a bad dream!”
Uncle Vernon was shaking him by the shoulder roughly, forcing him onto his back.
“Leave me alone! Don’t touch me!” Harry screeched, flailing his arms about to knock Uncle Vernon loose.
“Harry, it’s me, Ron! Wake up!” Ron shook Harry harder, trying to get him out of his nightmare.
Harry startled awake, pushing himself up in bed. Ron was staring at him, wide eyed.
“Okay?” Ron asked, handing Harry his glasses.
Taking deep, gulping breaths, Harry slid his glasses on and nodded at his best friend. “Was a bad one. Uncle Vernon,” Harry said quietly. He shivered as goosebumps broke out on his arms and legs.
“Yeah, I could tell.” Ron paused as he yawned. “Think you can get back to sleep?"
Harry nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be okay.” Harry knew that he wasn’t going to fall asleep any time soon. He looked at his watch. It was the middle of the night, so at least he had a chance at getting a few hours of sleep before classes started.
“Wake me up if you can’t sleep, we can sneak down to the kitchens for some tea and a snack, yeah?”
Harry nodded. “Sure.” He took a deep, shuddering breath once Ron was back in his own bed. After taking off his glasses, Harry pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to get the feeling of Uncle Vernon’s hands off his body. It wasn’t the first time he’d dreamt about the abuse the Dursleys dealt him, but this one seemed to be sticking in his mind more than the others had.
Shivering, Harry straightened out his blankets and curled up under them. He took deep breaths in through his nose and let them out slowly through his mouth, trying to calm his racing heart. He wanted to fall back asleep to forget, but he knew that that wasn’t likely. After a few minutes of deep breathing, Harry rolled onto his back and pulled the blankets up over his mouth. He felt tears leak out of his eyes and roll down his cheeks, pooling in his ears and dampening his pillow.
Harry wasn’t surprised when he looked in the mirror the following morning and saw that his eyes were puffy and red. He was surprised when he discovered that his nose was plugged up solid. Nothing came out when he blew it into some toilet paper and nothing went in when he tried to suck some air down through his nose. He splashed some cold water on his face, hoped that no one noticed his puffy eyes, and went down to the common room to meet up with Ron and Hermione to go to breakfast.
“Are you alright, Harry?” Hermione asked immediately.
Harry saw Ron nudge her with his elbow and smiled a little. “Yeah, just had a bad nightmare last night.” Harry saw her frown in concern, but thankfully she let the conversation steer away from his nightmares as they walked down to the Great Hall.
Severus was standing in the entrance hall monitoring students walk to breakfast and there was no way for Harry to avoid him without being suspicious. Harry saw Severus’ brow furrow when he caught sight of the him, and he automatically dropped his eyes to the floor and tried to walk faster. He didn’t want to explain his nightmare to Severus and have to relive it; it was bad enough that he could still feel the ghost of Uncle Vernon’s hands on his body.
“Mr. Potter!” Severus snapped, stopping Harry in his tracks.
Harry winced and glanced at Ron and Hermione. They gave him sympathetic looks before scurrying off into the Great Hall. Harry turned and faced his guardian, trying to prepare himself to retell his nightmare. He could already feel tears welling in the corners of his eyes.
“My office,” Severus said, turning on his heel and stalking down the hallway.
Harry followed, head hanging, as he struggled to keep up with the older man. He sniffed quietly, his watery eyes making his nose run a bit. He used his blazer sleeve to wipe his nose, noticing that his throat was starting to feel a bit scratchy. Being sick on top of having to tell Severus about his nightmare was too much to handle, Harry decided, so he sniffed one last time and pushed the sick feeling into the back of his mind, determined not to show it in front of his guardian.
Severus led Harry into their private quarters and motioned for the boy to sit down at the small table in the kitchen. He sat across from his ward and looked him over as his frown deepened. “What’s the matter?” It was unnerving that Harry was on the verge of tears, not to mention how pale and exhausted he looked.
“I had a bad nightmare last night. Didn’t get much sleep,” Harry responded quietly, his voice wavering and thick with tears.
Severus felt his heart break a little at the sight of Harry so upset. “Is that all?”
Harry nodded and wiped his nose on his sleeve.
“You know how I feel about that.” Severus conjured up a box of tissues and landed them on the table next to Harry’s arm. “Do you want to talk about it?” He didn’t want to press the issue; clearly Harry was upset enough as it was.
Harry shook his head, blowing his nose into a tissue. He felt grateful that Severus seemed to know that he couldn’t talk about the nightmare without dissolving into a puddle of tears. He wiped his nose again and was surprised when he looked up and saw Severus holding out a potion for him to take.
“Pepper-Up,” Severus said, answering Harry’s question before he had a chance to ask it.
“Thanks,” Harry said, taking the potion in one gulp. He could feel the energy spreading through his body immediately and felt sure he could survive the day now.
Severus glanced at the clock on the wall. “You’d better get up to breakfast if you want to get something to eat before classes.” Severus frowned. “Come find me if you need me, yes?”
Harry nodded and gathered up his things before heading out the door and up to the Great Hall.
“You’re looking better. Snape didn’t go too hard on you, then?” Ron asked when Harry sat down across from him at the Gryffindor table.
“He gave me a Pepper-Up when he saw how tired I was. Didn’t give me any trouble after that,” Harry answered, filling a tea cup with steaming tea. He didn’t have much of an appetite, but his throat was still a little scratchy. Thanks to the tissues that Severus had given him, his nose wasn’t as stuffed as it had been before, but a little tea never hurt anything.
“About time you started taking potions to feel better instead of just muddling through,” Hermione said as she picked up the Daily Prophet again to continue reading.
Harry gulped at that, the words stinging as they came out of her mouth. Harry knew that she didn’t know what the Dursleys had done to him—he’d kept it a secret for a reason—but it still hurt that she would bring that up. Add to that the near sleepless night he’d had and the scratchy throat, Harry felt his eyes well up with tears again. He really needed to get a grip.
“Er, I just realized I forgot my book,” Harry said, standing abruptly. Tears were threatening to spill down his face and he needed to be away from everyone around him. Without realizing it, he went back down to the dungeons and stormed into Severus’ quarters. He wasn’t expecting Severus to still be sitting at the table.
Clearly Severus wasn’t expecting him either, because he looked up from his books in alarm when Harry burst into the room. “Harry? What on earth’s the matter?”
Harry sniffled into his sleeve and tried to conspicuously wipe his eyes. “Nothing, just forgot something,” he said as he stormed into his bedroom. He bit down on his cheek to keep his tears from falling, hard enough to taste blood.
Maybe you deserved what Uncle Vernon did to you, walking around here crying like a baby. Grow up. You’re an embarrassment.
Harry sat on the edge of his bed and rested his head in his hands, trying to take some deep breaths to calm himself down. He knew that the nasty voice in his head was wrong, but it was hard to ignore when he was upset.
He jumped when he heard a knock on his door.
“Harry?”
Harry let out a shuddering breath and wiped roughly at his eyes before standing up. He pulled the door open and looked down at Severus’ shoes, not wanting to look his guardian in the eye. He saw Severus step closer and flinched when the older man rested a hand on his shoulder.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re ill?” Severus asked, pulling Harry into his chest and wrapping his arms around the boy.
“I’m not,” Harry whispered.
Severus curled an arm around Harry’s head, holding him close. “You’re burning up with fever.”
The tenderness that Severus held him with was the last straw for Harry. The tears he’d been holding back fell from his eyes as he let himself cry in the safety of Severus’ arms.
“Hush, you’re okay,” Severus soothed. “Come on.” Severus led Harry over to his bed and sat them both on the side of it. He pulled Harry close and let him cry—clearly he needed to get it out of his system. He conjured another box of tissues when he heard more sniffling than sobbing and set it next to the boy.
After Harry had calmed down a bit, Severus pulled back and looked over his ward. “Now. Care to tell me how long you’ve been poorly?”
Harry blew his nose and cleared his throat. “I’ve had a plugged nose and a sore throat since I woke up.”
Severus conjured a fever reducing potion and waited patiently for Harry to take it. “Why didn’t you mention that earlier when I gave you a Pepper-Up?”
“I didn’t know I had a fever, honest. Just thought I was tired from that nightmare.” Harry’s eyes welled up again as the memory of the nightmare crossed his mind.
Severus pulled him close again and rocked him back and fourth gently. “You don’t have to tell me what the nightmare was about, but I can promise you that nothing like that will ever happen to you again. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Harry sobbed again.
“As long as I’m alive I’ll keep you safe.”
Severus and Harry sat there well past the beginning of classes, until Severus was sure that Harry was okay enough to be tucked into bed. “I’ll come back and check on you after my next class. If you need me, call for the Bloody Baron and he’ll relay the message.” Severus smoothed the blankets over Harry and pushed his hair away from where it was sticking to his forehead. “You feel cooler already.”
“I feel a little better,” Harry whispered, his eyes already slipping shut.
“Sleep well. I’ll be back soon.” Severus sat on the edge of the bed until Harry’s breathing had evened out with sleep before leaving the room silently. He took a moment to gather his thoughts and emotions once he was in the kitchen. He didn’t know for sure, but he could guess that Harry’s dream had to do with the Dursleys. What Severus wouldn’t give to put his hands on them for hurting his boy like they had. Taking a deep breath to quell his rage, Severus set out another fever reducing potion as well as a pain reliever for Harry’s throat before going to his classroom.