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Jesper was a lot of things.
He was a flirt, a charmer, a joke maker, bad at math, an archer, loud, a romantic, constantly moving, too much, and everything else.
What he also was- was an overthinker. Despite whatever Kaz said about his intelligence and how he ‘hasn’t had a thought before’ he in fact- had MANY thoughts. Ranging from ridiculous questions about whether the colour orange or the fruit came first to whether he should drop school entirely.
Anytime he was alone with himself for too long would leave himself to a spiral of thoughts. He needed to be doing something at all times- Talking to his friends, pulling the string back in archery, running in track, tapping on his desk during class. His body needed to be in constant motion- much to his teachers annoyance.
His inability to pay attention in class not only frustrated his teachers- but also himself. It wasn’t as though he WANTED to fail his classes because his brain couldn’t slow down. He could barely sleep at night because his head was running miles. Often his frustration made him wonder if he should just quit school entirely. Move back home to the farm he’d grown up on. At the very least he knew he was good at farm work. It was constant moving and a constant schedule- he could do that. Instead he’d decided to learn in the city.
His only real reason for staying in school was his friends. Nina, Inej, Matthias, Wylan, and even Kaz (despite how often he denied their friendship). The group that had stuck with him for years and he wouldn't trade a single one of them for anything. At the end of the day though, even his friends called him too much or too loud. Which was fair- he had too much energy all the time- he never learned how to have an inside voice, and he was the most tactile out of them all (except with Kaz of course.)
He knew they didn’t mean it in a harsh way. After all- they stayed with him even with all that. Sometimes though he wondered if it was all out of pity that he was still in their group. Jesper wasn’t a fan of those thoughts though so he locked them away in the back of his brain.
“Hey Jesper!”
Jesper turned his head towards the familiar voice. His grey eyes lit up once he spotted the source. A boy with curly ginger hair and freckled came running up to his desk. Class had just ended and the Zemini boy was packing up his books (not like he actually paid attention but whatever).
“Yes, sunshine?”
Wylan paused for a moment to flush before pushing forward and speaking again. He leaned against Jesper’s desk and gave the taller boy a smile.
“Everyone is going over to Nina’s tonight, Nina was going to text you- but I said I could ask instead.” Wylan flicked his gaze towards the other boy’s phone still on his desk before meeting his eyes again.
Jesper grinned at the other, “You know I wouldn’t miss an evening with you, Wy.” He winked at his friend causing the other to turn pink again.
“Whatever you say Jes, can you text Nina?”
Jesper nodded his head grabbing his phone as he stood up from the desk. Texting out a quick message to his other friend to confirm his arrival. The Zemini boy still felt a warm feeling in his chest when he was invited to hangouts. It wasn’t anything new- the six of them hang out outside of school almost 3 times a week at the least! But the fact they remembered to invite him still brought joy to Jesper’s day.
“Annndd- Done! Let’s get out of this boring old classroom, Sunshine~”
Jesper grabbed Wylan’s arm and pulled him forward as the boy moved past his desk. He could audibly hear the boy roll his eyes at his antics. A small smile graced Jesper’s face as he turned away and began to dart through the crowd. It wasn’t his normal smirk- it was a smaller, softer one reserved for Wylan. (Well Wylan- and whenever Kaz was nice for once in his demented life.)
Jesper held Wylan’s arm until they reached the plaza of their school. He let go and immediately missed the warmth under his fingers. Curling his hand inside his pocket so he didn’t reach out and grab his friend again. Instead his grey eyes surveyed the plaza till he landed on a group of 4 standing against the brick wall. He turned to face the redhead again but Wylan was already walking towards the group. Jesper hummed before following after him, quickly catching up considering the height difference.
“The life of the party- has arrived!” Jesper grinned as the group turned towards him. His voice was loud and he quickly situated himself within the group.
“Whatever do you mean? I was already here!” Nina bumped her shoulders against the taller boy with a grin.
The Zemini boy made a fake gasp and pretended to look hurt, “I can’t believe you! Matthias tell your girlfriend to be nice!” He looked at Matthias with a wounded stare.
Rolling his eyes the large man just put his hands up in surrender with an amused smile, “Bold of you to assume I have any say in what Nina does.” Nina nodded her head with a pleased smirk.
“Oh sorry, I forgot you’re a simp.” Jesper rolled his eyes before sharing a look with Wylan.
Wylan just shook his head in amusement and Jesper couldn’t help but stare as the boy's red curls fell in his face. His hand twitched forward before he stopped it- wanting to brush the hair away from his eyes. Wylan blinked in confusion and tilted his head to the Zemini boy in question. Instead of responding Jesper just winked causing the shorter boy to blush again.
A cough interrupted Jesper’s thoughts and he turned his head to Kaz, who looked bored. Well- he looked like he had no emotions- but as a (self proclaimed) Kaz emotion expert! Jesper could tell his friend was growing bored with standing still. Kaz absolutely hated staying at school longer than he had to. He was an amazing student, but he was abhorred when crowds surrounded him. And by no measure was Ketterdam High School a small school.
Taking Kaz’s glare as a message to motivate Jesper sprung into action, “Alright! Let's go party!”
Jesper was one of two people in the group who could drive. He needed to have a car so he could visit his father on the farm, but it also made him feel responsible. Something he knew wasn’t normally attributed to him. The other person who could drive was Matthias, but he wasn’t all that big a fan of cars. He always said they felt “too small” which was dumb- because they obviously did when you were that fucking giant!
Kaz wouldn’t be caught dead taking a drivers test- if he ever got a car or learned there would be a lot of forgery involved. Inej and Nina both decided against it, seeing as if they needed to go somewhere Matthias or Jesper would drive them without complaint. (Well Jesper would complain and do it anyway.) And Wylan never got the chance to learn due to his father- and ultimately decided there was no point in it after a few years with the group.
Leaving Jesper as the only one who had a car and would regularly drive them around. He slid into the driver's seat easily and started looking through his phone for a spotify playlist. Kaz sat in the passenger seat like he always did. It was the only seat that wouldn’t squish him in against someone else- meaning no matter who drove Kaz always got a shotgun. Matthias, Nina, Inej, and Wylan all squished into the back two rows. Nina and Matthias took the back while Wylan and Inej took the middle.
As Jesper clicked on a spotify playlist labeled “Crow Squad”, a playlist created by all 6 of them so they could all listen to it with no complaints. (Okay well Kaz complained about the amount of Taylor Swift that Jesper and Nina added- but he didn’t count. Kaz Brekker would complain about everyone and everything). He glanced at his mirror and saw Wylan already entranced by the window.
The redhead had a tendency to stare out windows all the time. It was moments like these that Jesper really thought he looked like a prince. As if he was dropped into the wrong story, meant for a better life. Red curls perfectly framing his freckled face. Blue eyes staring out as if the world was beautiful. Jesper didn’t realize he was staring until Kaz cleared his throat.
“Eye’s on the road, Jesper.”
Jesper tore his eyes away from the boy behind him and gave Kaz an almost sheepish grin. He felt the warmth starting to grow on his face and instead focused back on the road ahead of him. He knew he was obvious when it came to his feelings- or at the very least he was obvious to Kaz. The others hadn’t said anything overt, but he was pretty sure Inej and Nina were at least on to him.
Kaz knew everything though- so it wasn’t all that a shock when he’d made an offhand comment about Jesper’s clear admiration.
The drive to Nina’s house wasn’t quiet by any means. The music was blasting, Nina and Jesper argued about the best Taylor Swift song for half of it. And they all shared interesting stories about the school day, aside from Wylan and Kaz who always preferred to listen. Jesper tapped on the steering wheel as he argued, eyes bright with amusement and joy.
After parking the group practically ran into Nina’s house so they could start ‘partying’ (this just meant sitting down and continuing to hangout- BUT with food!) Jesper made sure to grab a seat on the couch, grinning brightly when Wylan sat down next to him. Nina and Matthias went to the kitchen to grab snacks while the rest sat down. Inej took the last spot on the couch while Kaz sat on one of the armchairs.
Jesper immediately started up a conversation about his “horrible math homework”. Though he hated math enough that he’d complain whether or not he did actually have homework. Math was one of Jesper’s worst subjects- really he was only passing with B’s because of Wylan’s help. Speaking of Wylan-
“If you want I can call you later tonight and help out?” Blue eyes glanced up at Jesper in question.
The taller felt a smile grow on his face outside of his control and he leaned into Wylan slightly in lue of a hug.
“You’re a lifesaver, Sunshine!” Wylan rolled his eyes but his face was turning pink again.
Jesper couldn’t help but stare again realizing how close their faces were. He didn’t move though- just taking in all the freckles on Wylan’s face. Wylan hadn’t seemed to notice the proximity yet.
“Get a room, lovebirds!” a yell signified the return of Nina and Matthias.
The couple placed the drinks and snacks on the table before settling on the remaining armchair. Nina was quite literally sitting on Matthias as if he was a chair- which in all fairness he basically was for Nina. Jesper rolled his eyes at the couple- all he was doing was being a little extra close to Wylan. Whatever they were doing was sooo much worse.
“As If you’re one to talk Neens!” He smirked turning to look at Wylan and winked, “I mean unless you wanted to sit on my lap- I wouldn’t be opposed~”
Wylan turned a shade of red that Jesper found rather adorable. He shoved Jesper’s shoulder in embarrassment while the taller one just laughed and turned back to the group. He caught Inej staring at him with a raised eyebrow and he just tilted his head at her. She nodded her head towards Wylan with a questioning look, and Jesper realized she definitely knew. He just shrugged in response and went back to the conversation.
“I’m telling you! My history teacher is trying to kill meee! He assigned a 10 page essay for friday! It’s wednesday!” Nina whined as she lounged on top of Matthias.
Kaz rolled his eyes seemingly disinterested, “Nina quit lying, He assigned only 5 pages on monday. You’ve had all week, not his fault you only just started.” Nina gasped in betrayal and started glaring at Kaz. Saying obscene words under her breath.
Jesper huffed out a loud laugh and the attention was immediately on him, “What?” The group shrugged as if to say ‘nothing’ but Jesper frowned slightly. Was he being too loud again? They usually told him if he was- maybe they’d decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. Or they were regretting inviting him to the house-
Before he could spiral any further the Zemini boy’s thoughts were interrupted by Nina suggesting they do something instead of just sitting around. The group agreed easily and they started brainstorming ideas.
“Why not Monopoly?” Inej suggested.
“Noooo! Kaz always wins that- the evil bastard plays to evily!” Nina interjected.
“Evily isn’t a word.” Kaz rolled his eyes as Nina started glaring at him again.
“We could play truth or dare?” Wylan asked from beside Jesper.
“I don’t feel like doing anything Nina want’s today.” Jesper spoke drily, but still with amusement.
“Is everyone ganging up on me today?! That’s it- Matthias we’re going to elope and leave these losers behind!” Nina turned to Matthias who just turned slightly pink.
“Quit with the dramatics Neens! You always make Truth or Dare into a stripping party anyway- It’s too early and I’m too sober for that.” Jesper rolled his eyes. Nina looked ready to argue but closed her mouth realizing she had no argument. It was true-
“We could watch a movie?” Inej interrupted the argument.
“Ughhh- But watching movies with Jesper is no fun!” Nina groaned- clearly joking but Matthias and Kaz nodded their heads slightly.
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” Jesper leaned forward in mock hurt, but also genuinely curious.
“You don’t stop talking!”
“You also tend to move a lot?” Mathias interjected- gesturing to the fact even now Jesper was tapping against the couch. Out of spite Jesper stopped tapping, but felt his hands start itching again and he frowned.
“They aren’t wrong. You don’t really know how to stop, it’s a Jesper trait.” Kaz spoke in a monotone voice, but even then you could tell he wasn’t actually upset.
Jesper tried to reason that they were all joking about it- that no one actually cared. It was a common joke really, that he was a lot, couldn’t stop. Just because he actually got hurt by the jokes didn’t mean it wasn't true- or wasn't a funny joke. He choked out a laugh to cover up his aching heart.
He felt Wylan turn next to him, glancing over at the boy revealed concern in his blue eyes. Jesper wanted to wipe away any sign of worry in the redhead so he gave a smile trying to signify he was alright. But clearly his smile hadn’t convinced Wylan since his frown only deepend.
The conversation in the room had continued on from Jesper and he was thankful for it. Despite the change in conversation, his brain couldn’t move on from it. He repeated his friend's words in his head. He knew they weren’t aware of the effect it had on him- it was meaningless jokes after all! Right?
A part of his brain whispered that his friends really did think he was too much- that his friends didn’t like him as much as he thought. He could usually push away these thoughts- but his skin felt like ants were crawling underneath, and he couldn't sit still. His brain was running and that meant he needed to run as well.
Standing up almost too quickly Jesper excused himself to the kitchen with a grin. He saw Wylan give a worried frown his way, but he didn’t stick around for questions. He let out a quick breath as he entered the kitchen. Hands started to drum against the countertops while he paced back and forth trying to calm his body. His head hurt and his vision was starting to turn white.
With a thump he suddenly found himself on the floor leaned against the counters. Jesper could hear his own breathing over the pounding noise in his head. Ragged breaths that were not controllable. It wasn’t the first time he’d gone through this- usually though he was alone and didn’t have the risk of others finding him.
He shut his eyes tightly trying to block out the world around him. The boy’s chest was beginning to hurt from the pain of breathing so harshly. His head could only hear the harsh thump-thump-thump of pain that blurred his thoughts.
He had wished to stop thinking, and now he couldn’t. It didn’t feel any better though.
Abruptly through it all he felt a hand gently press on his shoulder. He couldn’t see who it was through his obscured vision so he tried to pull away. Vaguely hearing himself cry out in alarm- the hand didn’t leave exactly. Stopped touching him, but he could tell it was still there. Jesper began to hear a dim voice saying something. The voice was familiar- comforting, but he couldn’t decipher who the hand was.
“-per! -Esper! Jesper!”
The voice cut through the fog and he finally placed a name to the familiarity.
Wylan.
Wylan had found him and was trying to get his attention- He struggled to hold onto the voice of his friend. Trying to use it as an anchor in the sea of fog. He felt like he was lost in a tunnel with the only way out being Wylan’s voice. He vaguely heard the redhead trying to comfort him and guide him through his breathing.
“In and out- try and match my breathing, Jes-”
He could tell his friend was panicking which only spurred Jesper to get out of it sooner- he didn’t want to panic Wylan. Slowly the world around him began to clear and the fog disappeared. His head still hurt but the pounding was lessening. He finally was able to see Wylan in front of him. Jesper saw as the panic and concern subsided in his blue eyes making way for relief.
“Oh thank- Jesper!” Wylan breathed out in relief.
Before Jesper could even blink, Wylan rushed forward and pulled the taller boy into a hug. It wasn’t overly tight- still filled with worry. But Jesper could tell that the redhead was holding onto him as if he’d lose him. Jesper froze for a moment before melting into the hug. Slowly wrapping his arms around Wylan and pulling the boy even closer into a hug. Before long Wylan pulled away and stared his friend up and down. A look of worry back in his eyes.
“I came to see if you were okay- you left so abruptly- and then I found you on the floor in the middle of a panic attack!” He sounded ready to cry- and now that Jesper looked closer he noticed the boy already had tears falling down his face. “I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do!”
For a moment there was silence except for Wylan crying. It wasn’t the first time Jesper had seen his friend cry. The redhead wasn’t one to shy away from crying during sad movies, and he certainly had breakdowns in the past over his father. This however- was new. Crying because of Jesper? No, that wasn’t okay.
He didn’t know what to say so instead he just pulled Wylan back into a hug. Holding him tight to his chest and holding Wylan’s head into the crook of his neck. He mumbled out apologies and comforting words. He didn’t know what to do or say- he could only apologize.
“I’m Sorry Wy, I didn’t mean to scare you..”
“Do-Don’t -hic- Apologize! I j-j -hic- just want to know what happened.” Wylan’s voice broke as he cried into Jesper’s shoulder.
“.... I just…. I guess my thoughts became too much..?” Jesper winced- it sounded like a lame excuse. It wasn’t a lie though- even if it wasn’t the whole truth.
“Jes..” Wylan pulled away and looked up at his friend with teary eyes.
Jesper bit his lip and let out a low sigh. He was trying to keep himself stable, but with the way Wylan was pleading he would break before long. Leaning his head back against the wall again he stared at the ceiling. Willing himself to find some kind of strength- anything that would let him continue. Wylan didn’t speak again, waiting for Jesper to talk on his own. The way he was starting to move in Jesper’s arms was an indication that he wanted to know though.
“I know-... Well-” Jesper let out a frustrated noise before trying again. “I know everyone only means it as a joke… That- me being how I am isn’t actually… well annoying enough for you all to hate me… but sometimes I guess my brain forgets that I know?” He stumbled with his words.
“What do you mean? You being how you are..?” Wylan blinked, looking confused.
“You know- loud, annoying, a lot- too much.” Jesper shrugged. “I mean it’s all true, I guess I just worry that you guys only keep me around out of pity. I know i’m not the easiest to be arou-”
“Shut up!”
Jesper froze. Turning his grey eyes back to look at Wylan who had situated himself in front of Jesper. His eyebrows were furrowed and mouth was turned down in a frown. Jesper gaped for a moment before trying to speak again, but Wylan cut him off.
“None of us think that!” Wylan huffed, “Not even Kaz does! We invite you to things because we like you, you’re our friend and not a single one of us thinks of you as annoying.”
“But-”
“And maybe you are a lot of things- You’re a lot of things I love!”
Jesper looked at Wylan in shock- his heart skipping a beat as he realized what the redhead had said. Had he meant that romantically? Just as a friend? Either way it didn’t look as though Wylan had noticed his words. He continued on with his tangent.
“You’re an amazing archer and always get first place, You flirt with everybody but always respect boundaries and make sure people are comfortable with your flirting, you care so much about all of us and drop everything if one of us needs you, you drive us around despite the fact you should yell at us for not getting a license.” Wylan took a breath before continuing. He stared directly at Jesper unwavering. “You make friends wherever you go, and who cares if you can be a little loud? You fill up space in a way we all love and could never replace! You take time out of your day to read books to me, and despite the fact you hate math you try your best anyway. You live hours away from your dad to go to a school I know you don’t even like- just to stay with us!” Wylan paused for a moment as he collected his final thoughts. “There’s nothing wrong with the way you are- and not a single one of us would change you. So please- don’t listen to your thoughts when it tells you we don’t like you or don’t consider you a friend.”
Jesper couldn’t move by the time Wylan was done. It was like he was combatting every single self deprecating thought the Zemini boy had- without even knowing what the thoughts were. Wylan didn’t waver for a moment- a determined look in his eyes as he explained that every member of their group loved him. Jesper felt his eyes begin to burn and knew he was going to cry again. As if on instinct he pulled Wylan into another hug as tears began to fall. He whispered thank you over and over again into Wylan’s curly hair. He felt arms wrap around him and almost cried harder.
It took a few minutes before he’d calmed down again. Slowly pulling away he gave Wylan a soft smile.
“Thank you, Wy.”
“Of course, Jes.”
There was silence again as the two just huddled together and stared. Grey eyes looking at blue eyes. It almost hurt to break the moment- but Jesper could feel his legs starting to hurt from the position in the group. Wylan quickly got up and apologized. Jesper just waved his hand to say it was fine and stretched out his legs a bit. He leaned against the counter and tilted his head to Wylan. A smirk grew on his face and Wylan looked a little alarmed by the change in attitude.
“So~ I’m a lot of things you love, Sunshine?”
Wylan seemed confused before his eyes widened and his face turned a bright red. A tumble of words came out of his mouth but nothing was a proper sentence. Jesper lightly laughed watching as the redhead tried to explain his words- seemingly flailing for a response. The Zemini boy took pity on the other and cut him off by kissing him. It was a gentle kiss- one that Wylan could easily break off if he didn’t like it. Wylan stood frozen for a moment- long enough that Jesper was going to pull away.
Before he could though, Wylan pushed forward and reciprocated the kiss. It wasn’t fireworks- Jesper had imagined the kiss many times before. After all he’d been half in love with Wylan since meeting him years ago, but his imagination had always created sparks and loudness that just wasn’t present. Instead it was soft and gentle, it was so incredibly Wylan that he was sure he could get drunk on the kiss.
Jesper wrapped his arms around Wylan and pulled him closer- Wylan moved with ease placing one hand on Jesper’s chest to balance. It didn’t last long- both needing to break for air. But as soon as it ended Jesper missed it. The redhead looked flushed and was catching his breath with wide eyes.
“Woah-”
“Woah indeed, Sunshine~” Jesper laughed at the starstruck reaction.
He didn’t let go of Wylan, instead burying his head into the boy’s shoulder again. Still feeling a bit dazed from the reality of the situation. He’d just kissed Wylan Van Eck- and Wylan had kissed him back!
“Does this- I mean do you-” the boy still seemed rather astonished and couldn’t form his question.
“Yes, love.” Jesper just chuckled, “I happen to be quite in love with you too~”
“Oh.. Oh- That’s-That’s good!” Wylan lit up a smile gracing his face.
Jesper shook his head in amusement before pulling Wylan forward and kissing him again. This time it was slower and more sure than the previous kiss. It was still a short kiss- Wylan hummed happily and leaned his forehead against Jespers. Both being content with staying in the kitchen wrapped up in each other’s arms. A loud yell from the living room cut into the comfortable silence.
“Oh- right! We should get back to the others!” Wylan stepped back looking surprised that he’d forgotten about them.
“Aw~ What if I wanna hangout with my boyfriend for a little longer?”
“Boyfriend?” Wylan squeaked, turning back to Jesper with wide eyes.
“Yes? Are we not- Shoot I thought that-” Jesper took a step back regretting his words and rushing to take it back.
“No! I mean- yes! Agh- I would like that.” Wylan rushed forward grabbing Jesper’s arm. “If- if you do?”
“Shit, Wy- Did you have to ask? Of course I do!” Jesper laughed and interlocked their hands together before pulling his boyfriend back into the living room.
“Oh look! Their back.” Inej was the first to notice their arrival.
Nina and Matthias turned their heads to look at them while Kaz just continued reading whatever it is he’d found. Inej made eye contact with Jesper immediately with a furrowed look. Asking if he was okay and Jesper nodded happily. The girl then glanced down at the boys interlocked hands with a questioning smile- to which the Zemini boy just gave a joyful grin.
As if on cue Nina basically screamed. When he looked to see what she was screaming about she was already out of her seat (Aka off of Matthias) and shaking the two of them and pointing at their hands. Jesper just rolled his eyes while Wylan looked startled and a little bit giddy.
“YOU TWO- DID YOU??” Nina made vague hand gestures and Jesper just nodded in confirmation. Making her scream AGAIN. “FUCKING FINALLY!”
“Nina, can you be happy, quieter?” Kaz grumbled.
“Nope! Not even you certified Mr. Grumpy can take this from me- I was genuinely considering locking these two in a closet if they didn’t sort themselves out soon!” Nina huffed.
Jesper choked out a laugh being taken by surprise and Wylan made a strange squeaking noise again. Turning a deep shade of red.
“Nina! You can’t just lock people in closets!” Wylan admonished.
“I dunno, I think being locked in a closet with you sounds like fun!” Jesper winked at Wylan- only making the redhead turn a deeper shade of red than before.
“Get a room.” Kaz grumbled under his breath.
“Oh please- you’re just upset at them because you can’t act on feelings- or even act like you have them!” Nina rolled her eyes not even batting an eye as Kaz abandoned his book to glare at her.
Jesper smiled and pulled Wylan back to their couch spots. Putting an arm around his boyfriend as he watched his friends bicker back and forth. It felt like home. It was home.