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"I think I'm going to ask Santa for a dollhouse" Christopher had said.
Eddie felt a little shocked,Chris had never shown interest in dolls and now he was very interested in having a dollhouse, it's not like it's a bad thing but it just seems weird to him.
As a child, he always had stereotypically masculine tastes, like baseball and mixed martial arts, cars, the things that parents expect their sons to like.
"Eddie, are you there?" Buck asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.
" Umh, yeah it's okay mijo, don't forget to put it on your list" Eddie said quickly.
Buck stared at him for a few seconds.
" Eddie, can you come to the kitchen and help me with the cookies, please?"
Eddie knew Buck didn't need him in the kitchen, Eddie has been banned from using the oven since he burned two dozen cookies a couple of years ago.
Buck is there putting all the cookies on the table to start decorating them, he has been baking too much since the beginning of December.
" I love you and you're a great dad but do you have a problem with Chris wanting a dollhouse?, because if you have it we should definitely talk" Buck was trying to sound as serious as possible as he began to frost a snowman cookie.
" No! of course I don't have a problem with that, I just didn't expect Christopher to want that but it's okay" He looked at Buck for a few seconds to make sure he understood.
" Okey, I was a bit surprised too but it's ok"
•~
He's been thinking a lot about Chris wanting a dollhouse for Christmas, he feels a little weird about it, not that it bothers him but he's just a little surprised, maybe he should just talk to Adriana, she always gives him great advices.
He presses on her contact and she doesn't take long to answer, as always.
" Hi Edito, what's up?" She asked, he could hear her smile.
" All good, I just wanted to know how you were" Eddie lied, he didn't really want to talk about the dollhouse thing even though he knew he had to.
" No, you didn't just want to know how I am, I know there's something else there Eddie, just tell me"
" It's just… Christopher wants a dollhouse for Christmas" Eddie didn't know how he expected his sister to react, maybe she wouldn't like that, people tend to act like that about boys who want dollhouses.
" Okay, and?, he wants one that is too expensive or really hard to find?" She's fine with that apparently.
" No, it's… I don't know I just didn't think he would like dollhouses, I never liked dollhouses when I was a kid BUT I'm not saying that because I want he to be like me, I'm just not used to it and I think I need you to help me" Eddie was being a bit clumsy when he spoke.
" Eddie, what do you mean you didn't like dollhouses when you were a kid? I remember you made a dollhouse yourself! and you loved it so much!"
" What? Are you sure? That dollhouse sounds like something abuela would have saved, or at least it would be in a picture" Eddie don't have any memory of that dollhouse.
" Eds... dad destroyed the dollhouse, you hid it in your room and one day he found it and destroyed it, that's why there's no trace of it"
Oh.
He can remember now.
" Eds?"
" I'll call you later Adri"
And he ended the call.
The memory began to come to his mind in fragments, He remembers being on the floor crying, his father yelling at him while his mother stared at him, he didn't know if she looked at him with sadness or disappointment.
He remembers watching his sisters play with their dolls and being so jealous of them, the things he had to play with were a baseball bat, some cars and a lot of puzzles,and other toys.
Sometimes he would watch his sisters make elaborate stories with their dolls, dress them up for special occasions and decorate their dollhouse with different themes, he wanted to do all those things too so one day he began to collect all the boxes that were in his house and he took a pair of scissors and a lot of glue, he started with the ground floor where the kitchen and the living room were, he used some white sheets painted in warm colors for the wallpaper and the floor, he began to make small furniture full of small details.
He realized that he liked to do this kind of thing, build small and delicate things with his hands, the same hands that his father had told him were only good for heavy work.
When he finished his dollhouse he knew it needed inhabitants, so he took one of his action figures of El Santo and he sat him on one of the couches in the living room. El Santo looked lonely so Eddie began looking through his sisters' toys for someone he could be with, he couldn't take a doll because his sisters would notice immediately, but how about one of their Kens?, they never played with them so he took one, he was blond with blue eyes and tanned skin (Like almost all the Kens of his sisters) and he was wearing a blue striped shirt and a pair of pants, unfortunately he had no shoes but that was okey, he saw a Ken dressed in a suit so he decided to take his clothes to put them on El Santo.
When he finally finished he started playing in his room, his mother was at one of her friends' houses and his sisters were outside playing, so he had the house to himself.
He changed the name of El Santo to Gabriel and Ken was now David, they had both been married the spring of last year and had adopted a child, Gabriel worked in an office and David stayed at home taking care of their son. Eddie dreamed of having a life like that, he would like to have a big house with enough space for him, his son and his... husband.
Eddie knew that it was not right to like boys, his father had told him that boys could not like other boys, but that didn't mean he couldn't imagine a world where that was okay.
•~
Eddie had to sit down and process everything that was going through his mind, he felt so overwhelmed, a lot of memories of him and his sisters playing together, some of him hiding his dollhouse in his closet but there was still nothing about the destruction of his dollhouse.
He was sitting in the dining room with a glass of cold water in his right hand, his gaze went to his left hand, specifically a small scar on the back of his hand, it was a small white strip that had never been seen until today.
His dad's voice begins to be heard in the back of his head… the hoarse, angry, loud voice of his father calling his name.
He thinks he already knows the origin of that scar.
•~
The fights with his sisters have decreased since they started playing together. Before, he used to make fun of his sisters for the things they played with just for wanting to annoy them Now everything is calmer, they don't even care that he stole one of their Ken's, they are just happy that their brother is playing with them now.
His father had come home from a business trip last night, his mother had started cleaning the house like crazy since before he left for school, now he is going back to his house, his sisters did not go to school because they wanted to spend some time with their dad so their mother let them stay at home.
When he entered in his house the place was empty (or that's what it seemed), He walked a bit down the corridor that led to the living room until he saw something that made his blood run cold.
Her dollhouse was on the coffee table, where everyone could see it, behind of it was his father with his arms crossed while holding a belt.
Eddie started running.
And his father? his father began to follow him.
He went up the stairs as fast as he could, he entered his room and locked himself in his closet as quietly as possible but he couldn't stop his sobs, he was terrified.
" Edmund, where are you?!" His father was in his room now " Es la última vez que corres de mi cabron!"
It didn't take long for him to find it. He opened the closet door to find little Eddie crying uncontrollably, his heart was beating furiously in his chest, he ran again but his father's rough hand grabbed one of his arms, with all his might Eddie managed to wriggle out of his father's grasp. He ran to where his dollhouse was, he could take it and run to his abuela's house, he knows that she would protect him from his father.
He was about to take his dollhouse when he felt a strong burning pain in his left hand.
His father had hit him with his belt buckle.
Now his hand was bleeding, not much but it was doing it.
" Papi… no papi, por favor" He was covering his little house with his body, he couldn't lose his happy place.
" Apparently the words were not enough to correct you, you are leading me to take other alternatives Edmundo, this hurts me more than it hurts you" The words were barely out of his mouth Eddie felt another impact on his back that made him drop his dollhouse.
His father tossed his dollhouse to the ground and stomped on it, everything was reduced to pieces of paper and cardboard.
" Papi… por qué?" Eddie felt so small and powerless, he couldn't defend himself.
" Eddie you have to learn why a man can't behave like that, those things are for women you are a man mijo, act like one" His father put his belt back on and walked towards the kitchen " I don't want to hear about this incident again Eddie, pick that up and throw it away before your mother and sisters come back"
And Eddie did it, he picked up the pieces of what was once his dollhouse, he threw them in the trash and then he went to his room, maybe his dad was right, he was doing something wrong and for that he was being punished.
He looked at the red streak on his left hand, he didn't want that to happen again.
•~
He's in his room staring at the wall, god that was so much to process.
He knew that his father had hit him but only when he was being very naughty but never for anything like that, he was so mad just because Eddie couldn't be what he wanted.
Cause he wasn't enough in his eyes
Eddie immediately grabbed his laptop and began searching for dollhouses, he was not going to make past mistakes.
•~
Buck and Chris got home a little late, exhausted after an afternoon out running some errands.
When they got home Chris went straight to his room and Buck had tidied up the room a bit, it was full of Eddie's family photo albums which was a little weird but okay. When Buck entered their room he found Eddie asleep in their bed, he had a pair of glasses that he used when he used his
laptop.
" Eds?" Buck whispered causing Eddie to wake up.
" Mhm, what's happening?" Eddie asked as soon as he became aware.
" That was what I was going to ask you" Buck said, lying down next to him.
" Don't worry, it's not a big deal" Eddie said, trying to downplay the matter.
" Adriana called me"
Of course she did, despite being over 30 she's still a snitch.
He looked at Buck, he looked worried for him.
" Eddie, if you don't want to talk to me about whatever is going on, that's fine, I can give you your space, look I'll go to the kitchen and you can call whoever you want…"
Eddie took Buck's hand before he left, this man really cares about him, he needs to tell him.
Buck listens with an almost neutral expression until Eddie gets to the part where his father destroyed his dollhouse, as soon as he mentions his father waiting for him with his belt in hand, Buck opens his eyes wider, his mouth opens a little and he places his hand on Eddie's knee.
" God Eddie, I'm sorry" Buck wrapped him in those big hugs that only he knows how to give.
" It's okay Buck, it's over and there's nothing I can do about It" Eddie mutters on Buck's shoulder.
" But that doesn't mean you can't feel bad about it" He says, rubbing his back.
" It's just, I can't help but wonder what kind of person I would be if I had a different childhood" A tear rolls down his cheek and Buck kisses it " but it's fine, I just didn't even remember it until Adriana mentioned it"
" No Eddie, It's not fine, you just remembered something that really marked you" Buck holds him closer.
" I don't want to make the same mistakes as my dad Buck, tomorrow we're going to go and find the best dollhouse we can get and we're going to give it to Chris"
" That's what we'll do Eds" Buck rubbed his hand on his back.
" But first I want to sleep a little"
•~
It was December 25 at night, Chris had gotten a Barbie dream house which was quickly invaded by all his action figures and began to be protected by a Lego dragon.
The last few days had been better for Eddie and seeing his son being so happy and playing with Buck really brought him back to life completely.
Although he may not have had the best family growing up, he now has a beautiful family, a boyfriend (husband in the future) who loves him and his son like crazy and the kid child in the world. He was surrounded by love and acceptance that he didn't have when he was growing up.
He and Buck were sitting on the couch having a couple of cups of warm wine while talking until Buck jumped off the couch.
" Wait here Eds! I'm going to bring you your gift!" Buck ran to the kitchen.
" Haven't you given me one already?"
" But this is another one, just wait there!"
When Buck returned he was holding a significantly large green gift box with a large black gift bow, he looked a little nervous but still put the box on the coffee table.
Eddie, without saying anything, took the lid of the box and put it aside, he looked inside the box and there it was…
An almost exact copy of his dollhouse.
It was a little bigger than the original, had more vibrant colors but was almost the same.
He carefully took out the dollhouse and placed it on the table, he looked at it for a while, all the details that were in it, he felt like he was back in those hot summer days when he played with his dollhouse.
" Buck, did you do that?" Eddie asked Buck as he continued to look at the dollhouse.
" I... Look, if this isn't right, I can throw it away, it's just that I thought it would be something good and I asked Adriana what the house was like and I decided to make a replica so that in some way you could…"
" I love you"
Eddie was in front of a man who has been fixing things he didn't break since the moment he came into his life, Eddie was in front of the father of his son, he was in front of the love of his life.
" Evan I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life by your side" Eddie was now standing and approaching Buck.
" Eds… I just"
" Shh, stop trying to do less of this, this means the world to me right now so let me kiss, you please" Eddie took Buck's hands.
" Did you really like it? It's not too much?"
" Buck, I love it, I never thought I'd have someone who cared about me the way you do and here you are, doing these things"
" these things?" Buck was now smiling too.
" You know what I mean"
If they looked at each other for a while before their lips met, it was sweet, slow and warm. Eddie's hands were on Buck's waist as he put his arms on his shoulders, shit, he loves this man and he doesn't think there are enough actions or words to show it to him.
Eddie now has a family that loves him and... a dollhouse.