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Summary
It's as if his brain has decided to fill the emptiness of his past with Astarion - his cocky smirk during a challenging battle, the ever-present smile lines which erode in the softness of his trance, the microexpressions which reveal his true feelings even when he pretends to hide them. If he wasn't so empty, perhaps Tav's brain would be filled with normal things. Instead, he's 90% consumed with the vampire, with the pale elf, with the only person in the world who seems to understand the hunger in Tav that even he himself doesn't get.
There is no salvation in this journey, but if he has to go through hell, at least he doesn't have go alone.