Work Text:
The good thing about waking up so early in the morning is that you get a head start over everyone else.
Max, who has always kind of felt left behind compared to his family, likes having a head start. His therapist told him that he should try and take control in situations where he can, not just where he wants.
Max can’t control a lot of things about where he stands compared to the rest of his family - including where he literally stands since he is a few inches shorter than all the other fuckers. He dreads the day when his little sister grows taller than him too. He has already emotionally prepared himself for it. Because he can't control this shit.
But what he can control is his sleep schedule.
So, he wakes up at five in the morning every day just to give himself a head start over everyone else around him.
It’s not that hard.
His body has always been something within in his control.
His sleep schedule, his appetite, his abs, his hair, his horniness.
He had always thought the one thing that would always be in his control would be his body.
But it turns out to be otherwise. It turns out that his body is not within his control at all. It’s very much the opposite.
Max hates that he is surprised and shocked and not at all anticipated this turn of events. He used to be good at dealing with bad news.
Well, not good. Maybe his coping mechanisms weren’t exactly healthy, but he wasn’t surprised by it.
He almost anticipated it and acknowledged it as a non-negotiable in his life.
You’re a bad person and bad things are all you deserve.
It was a simple mantra and not at all difficult to internalize.
But he had grown out of that shit.
Finding new passions in life, and reconnecting with his family, and regular therapy, and David’s unconditional love all eventually turned him into an idiot who believes that he is a good person who deserves good things.
Honestly, this is all their fault.
He almost wishes he was a flippant little teenager who didn't give a fuck about anything and pretended like everything was fine.
Maybe he still could.
As he wakes up that morning and blinks into the darkness outside his bedroom, he tells himself not to worry about it.
He shouldn’t.
It’s not a big deal.
And he is not a baby.
He reaches out with a hand and finds a fistful of silky blonde hair. He smiles to himself despite everything and presses a kiss to husband’s forehead.
David’s eyelashes flutter a little bit, and he presses his face further into the pillow.
Max climbs off the bed and gets started with his day.
He has a routine.
Routines also give him a sense of control.
He brushes his teeth while he scrolls through Instagram first thing in the morning – because some old habits die hard.
He pulls on his swimming trunks and heads to the pool.
The pool is one of his favourite parts about the château. It’s surrounded by their estate and feels more like a pond than a pool.
Max, after living mansions for his entire life, told himself that he would never ever do that shit again.
Yes, he knows how privileged he sounds, thank you very much.
Big houses are not for him.
He feels lonely in them. He feels like he needs to fill them up with people and things and emotions his heart is not big enough to handle.
But when he had visited the château with David for the first time a few years ago and had seen the way the other man’s face light up in awe, he had known immediately that he would live the rest of his life here in this stupid castle in Paris if would make David happy.
It does make David happy.
He likes being in Paris, Max thinks.
David spent the last few years following Max around the world while Max visited all the Edom offices and set up shop in new cities and expanded their network.
David waited for Max patiently to find his footing and discover who he is and what he wanted to do with his life.
When Max finally did know what he wants and loves and enjoys and was ready to settle down in place, the choice had been simple.
Max didn’t choose the château. But he chose David. Everything else is irrelevant.
He does like the château though.
He likes that it is removed from the city and gives him the privacy to be himself. He likes that it is quiet. He likes that it is big and yet somehow he doesn’t feel lonely – probably because of David.
Max was surprised by all the emotions. He had only agreed to live in the château because he loved David and thought he could ‘suck it up’ for his husband.
But that wasn’t the case. He actually likes living here.
Dr. Hassan, Max’s therapist and unofficial gambling buddy, told him that that he shouldn't be surprised.
“People like different things when they are older, Max,” the man had pointed out. “It’s completely normal to want more privacy and quietness and comfort as you grow older.”
Max doesn’t like the implication that he is old now. But he supposes it does make sense.
He no longer posts every goddamn thing about himself online. He is careful now. Not because he has been hurt, but because he doesn’t feel the need to share himself with the world every day to feel like he is loved.
Because he knows there is enough and more love around him.
But his favourite thing about the château is that it belongs to him.
Well, the château belongs to David. But still.
Max likes that he owns a château. They own a château.
He likes that he owns things with David. He had been looking forward to doing it more.
But alas. Life is a bitch.
Once he is done with his swim, he heads to the kitchen to find a flat white waiting for him.
“Thanks, El,” Max smiles at the old man and goes upstairs to get dressed.
Elyaas moved to Paris only a month ago. Max had requested it since he knew they’d more help soon.
But now he isn’t quite sure. He should talk to Elyaas about it. But he can’t talk to Elyaas without talking to David, and he isn’t sure if he is ready to talk to David yet.
His phone buzzes on the dresser as he gets ready for work. Max checks the Caller ID and promptly ignores it.
It’s late in New York. Bapak probably wanted to call him one more time before going to bed. He is a bit of a stubborn asshole.
He has called Max four times since last afternoon.
Dad had simply sent a single message.
[From: Minnie’s dad]
Call me if you want to talk.
Max had simply sent a thumbs up back. He appreciates the brevity. More than that, he appreciates the space.
Once he is ready for work, he grabs his stuff and goes to the bedroom again. David is still asleep. It’s only seven in the morning after all.
He presses a soft kiss again, on his cheek this time, as he murmurs an ‘I love you’ and goes downstairs.
Elyaas asks if he could drive Max to work and Max says yes. For old time’s sake.
His phone buzzes in his jacket pocket. A text.
[To: Minnie’s Second Favorite Brother]
Can we talk? Are you busy?
Max calls his brother back.
“If this is about bapak-”
“Has he been bombarding you with calls?” Rafael asks tiredly. “I’ll talk to him.”
Max smiles at that faintly.
Rafael can’t ever stop taking care of him. Even though Max lives an ocean away. Even though Max is a grown-ass adult now.
Even though many things about Max might have changed over the years, some things about Rafael have not – including that he will never stop being an overprotective older brother.
Brothers are nice.
Max had always thought that if he ever has children, he will definitely have more than one.
He loves Rafael more than he loves his parents and he wants his own kids to have someone like that.
“How are you doing?” Rafael asks, breaking into the silence.
“How are you doing?” Max deflects. “Isn’t it late as fuck in New York?”
“I’m on the east coast,” Rafael replies. “I just finished up dinner with the Senator of California. You’d like her.”
“Hot?”
“And blonde.”
“Nice,” Max grins.
Rafael smiles at that. “How is David?”
“Still asleep,” Max replies. “And still the prettiest.”
“I’ll tell MJ you said that.”
“Go ahead,” Max shrugs. “She knows the competition is tough.”
Rafael chuckles at that.
“Hey, look. I’m on my way to work,” Max explains. “So, like, can you just tell me whatever bullet point list you want to talk me through and be done with it?”
Rafael hesitates for a moment. “I don’t have a list, Max. I just wanted to see how you were coping and remind you that there are other options-”
“I know my options,” Max interrupts. “The doctor spoke to us about it.”
“Right,” Rafael says. “And?”
“And it’s too early for this shit,” Max informs. “For fuck’s sake, I only found out yesterday.”
“Right. Of course,” Rafael says quickly. “But you’re okay?”
“I’m okay,” Max nods.
“Come to New York,” Rafael says, because that’s how he says ‘I miss you’ ever since Max moved to Europe.
“I will,” Max replies – because that’s his way of saying ‘I love you’ now.
When he gets to the office, he is grateful to know he doesn’t have any meetings – except for a couple of briefings with the marketing team and the design team.
None of them know. Max doesn’t think it’s relevant for them to know anyway.
His family only knows because he made a fuss about the whole thing a week ago on the group chat and made a countdown and everything. So, when he went to the doctor yesterday and they asked for an update, Max couldn’t just not tell them.
He had simply responded with a meme that had been very poorly received. Max thought it was funny, all things considered.
His phone buzzes again just after his breakfast meeting. God, it must be really late in New York. Dad is gonna kill him for ruining bapak’s sleep.
Max tries not to feel too bad about it.
Dr. Hassan told him that ghosting is not a toxic trait, but in fact a coping mechanism – especially in Max’s case.
Max puts his phone away, screen down, and tries to focus on work. He gets through his team briefings and takes a couple of calls with the teams in Sweden and Seoul before lunch. He is in his office watching an episode of Bojack Horseman and eating his lunch when his phone buzzes again.
But it’s not his bapak.
Max clenches his hand into a fist until the call ends and immediately picks up the phone and types a message.
[To: Minnie’s Favorite Uncle 💙]
babe
im at a meeting
is everything okay?
[From: Minnie’s Favorite Uncle💙]
Of course, love.
I didn’t think you’d be going to work today.
Max winces quietly as he types out some more bullshit.
[To: Minnie’s Favorite Uncle 💙]
sorry sweetheart
i already scheduled an important meeting for today 🤧
ill try to be home early okay? 🥺
[From: Minnie’s Favorite Uncle]
Sure.
I love you 💛
[To: Minnie’s Favorite Uncle]
i love u more 💛💛
He puts down his phone and sighs into his hand.
He hates this.
He hates lying to David. He hates pretending with David.
He is pretty sure David knows he is bullshitting right now. He hates that too.
He fuels all the hate into the shit he has to get done for the day so he can pack up and go home – even though going home is the last thing he wants to do right now.
He doesn’t know why he is scared is the thing.
This is not a big deal.
Like at all.
It’s not like the doctor told him he is going to die.
The doctor only said he can’t have children.
No biggie. It’s fine.
There are options.
He can still be a father. He can still have a family.
It’s totally fine.
His phone buzzes again. Max growls at it and slaps it away from his table.
If everything is fine then people wouldn’t check up on him, would they?
Something is wrong.
With him.
Now everyone knows.
Shut up. It’s fine. Stop being a baby.
He is almost done with his work when there is a knock on the door. Whoever knocked, doesn’t wait for him to invite them in – which means it could only be one person.
“You’re supposed to be in Milan,” Max frowns.
“You’re supposed to be home,” the woman counters.
“No,” Max replies. “It’s Tuesday. It’s a work day. I’m at work.”
“You could’ve stayed home,” Shinyun hums as she slides into the seat in front of him.
“And abuse my authority as CEO?” Max asks scandalously.
“You abuse your authority by making out with your husband in your office,” Shinyun rolls her eyes.
“We do more than make out,” Max huffs. Shinyun makes a gagging noise. Max chuckles. His hands feel sweaty. “Did…Did bapak send you?”
“He didn’t tell me. He wouldn’t do that,” Shinyun shakes her head. “But your words imply that you’ve been avoiding him.”
Max ignores that. “How did you know then?”
“You said you will text me after your appointment…and then you didn’t,” Shinyun tells him carefully. “So, I assumed something didn’t go quite right.”
“It’s something called azoospermia,” Max tells matter-of-factly.
Because it is just that.
A fact.
A very real fact.
A permanent fact.
“Meaning?”
“Meaning I ain’t got any sperm in my jizz,” Max tries to be a little light-hearted about it. “You know, it’s funny, ‘cause my dad was always worried I was gonna knock someone up.”
Shinyun decides to ignore his desperate attempts at deflection. “Is there something we can do? Hormonal treatments? IVF or surgery-”
“Not for this,” Max manages a smile. “It’s apparently not treatable.”
“Perhaps we should get a second opinion-”
“We did. Our doctor did, I mean,” Max tries not to sigh.
This is one of the reasons he doesn’t want to talk to anyone.
The explaining.
Over and over again.
He wants to write everything down and send them a mass email or something.
“Well, there has to be something we can do,” Shinyun says determinedly.
“There isn’t. Trust me, David stayed up all night researching,” Max smiles faintly. “Shinyun, it’s not a big deal.”
“Max,” Shinyun says gently.
There is pity in her voice and he fucking hates it.
“It’s not,” Max insists. “It’s not like David and I can have a biological baby together. We were gonna go through surrogacy anyway. So, it doesn’t matter if it’s my sperm or his.”
It’s not true though.
He did want the baby to be his. Biologically.
He had told David about it back when they first discussed having a family. Max had been so nervous and so shy about it.
David had cried. Max had kissed him.
And then…and then everything went to shit.
Well, not everything.
It’s fine. Stop making it a thing.
“It’s not like I want this and only this,” Max tells her when she is quiet. “I have other options.”
He does.
It’s fine. It’s all good.
“There is a difference between not wanting something and being told you can’t have it,” Shinyun tells him.
Max bites his lip. He smiles a little. “It’s fine, Shinyun. Thank you for flying in to check on me. But I’m fine. It’s all good. But I’m glad you’re here. It means a lot to me.”
Shinyun knows a ‘I want to be alone’ when she sees one. He lived with her for almost four years, and they know each other and their moods quite well.
Or maybe it’s because she is the only one who truly understands his pain.
Wait. No.
There is no pain. He is fine.
“You, um, you don’t have to worry about Edom,” Max rubs his neck and tells her awkwardly. “I still plan to have children.”
Edom is a family business. Literally.
Max had been excited to turn into something he could pass on proudly to his children.
He still hopes to do that. He really hopes he can.
“I’m not worried about Edom,” Shinyun shakes her head.
“You’re always worried about Edom,” Max calls her bluff.
“Max,” Shinyun chuckles and shakes her head. “I haven’t worried about Edom since you took over.”
Max tries not to blush at the praise.
He did kinda, sorta change the whole game.
He likes it when people recognize that. Especially people like Shinyun whom he respects a lot.
“Stop flirting with me, woman,” he huffs instead of telling her all that. “You’re fuelling the rumours.”
Because some things never change and some things will always be beyond his control.
Max is linked to some woman every other month. It’s often some supermodel who works with Edom or some fashion designer they work with for fashion week.
Max tries not to mind it. In fact, he sometimes acts overly friendly with some of these people just so he can fuel the rumours.
It's good for business. But it's not just that.
Every time there is a headline in TMZ about he looks ‘cozy’ with some celebrity, David goes a little feral.
Max likes David feral.
That time when Buzzfeed claimed he was having a fling with Bella Hadid led to a particularly memorable night.
Max could stand to have a few more of those if he is being honest with himself.
Shinyun is not an exception of course.
He finds it hilarious that the same people who shipped Shinyun with his father now seem to ship them together. They didn’t even change the cursed hashtag for fuck’s sake.
Max remembers once when they went for dinner after a successful meeting with a high-end fashion designer from Colombia and eating and drinking too much to celebrate, the headlines said Max and Shinyun were expecting a baby.
He thinks about it now and laughs.
Max and Shinyun can’t have a baby together even if they tried.
He tells her that and she laughs too.
He likes it when she laughs. He likes being able to make her laugh.
“I will be in Paris for a few days if you want to catch up,” Shinyun tells him as she gets up and adjusts her suit jacket.
“I would love that,” Max smiles, genuinely this time. “I miss shit-talking with you.”
“You literally shit-talked the Met Gala for 20 minutes when I called you two days ago,” Shinyun says dryly.
“Two days too long,” Max huffs. “Shit-talking is part of my daily routine. It’s good for the skin.”
Shinyun chuckles at that. She reaches out and squeezes his arm. “Let it hurt.”
Max sighs. “Shinyun-”
“It hurts. I know it hurts,” she smiles sadly. “There is something so twisted about being told you can’t produce a child. It’s what our bodies are supposed to do. Reproduce.”
Max swallows tightly. “Yeah.”
“Let it hurt,” she tells him again and lets go of his hand. “You might have other options, Max. But this was your choice. Mourn your choice and move on.”
“Sir, yes, sir,” Max manages and Shinyun chuckles.
After she leaves, he immediately clears up his schedule for later in the week to hang out with her.
Shinyun still lives in London – helping him run Edom from the Headquarters while Max runs things from Paris.
She was mostly hands-off now, only intervening when necessary and letting Max take the reins.
Max is the face of Edom now. It was his rodeo and his baby.
He remembers wanting to have a real baby and thinking ‘well, it can’t be more difficult than running a multi-billion-dollar company’ and fuck was he wrong.
He finishes up work in the next half hour and grabs his shit and decides to go home.
“Can we stop by a florist on the way?” Max asks Elyaas, trying to do damage control. He almost feels like a politician. He thinks of dad. He looks out of the window. “Hey, El.”
“Yes, Master Max?”
“You can go back to New York if you want,” Max says quietly.
“Do you not want me here?” Elyaas asks.
“It’s not that,” Max sighs. “I asked you to come here so you can help look after the baby.”
“And that’s what I am here for,” Elyaas replies. “I can take care of you until the other baby comes along.”
“I’m not a baby,” Max mumbles.
“You’ll always be one to me,” Elyaas smiles at him through the rear-view mirror.
Max shakes his head fondly.
His phone buzzes again.
[From: Minnie’s bapak]
Shinyun told me you’re okay.
Sorry if I annoyed you with all the calls today. Just wanted to see if you were alright.
I’m here if you want to talk 🤍
I love you.
Max sighs and presses on the FaceTime button.
“Blueberry,” bapak grins. “We’re at the park.”
He pivots his phone to show dad near a tree, watching closely, as Minnie tries to climb it.
“Careful!” bapak yells and turns the phone to him. “Sorry about today, darling.”
“Nah. It’s fine. Sorry, I didn’t pick up sooner. I was busy,” Max shrugs it off.
“Do you want to talk about it?” bapak asks him.
“Not really,” Max replies honestly. “I do want to talk to David about it.”
“Fair enough,” bapak nods. “He loves you, you know. This won’t change a thing. If that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I’m not worried about that,” Max rolls his eyes. “That man is obsessed with me.”
Bapak smiles fondly. He presses a kiss to his finger and places it on the screen. “I’m very sorry, Max. I know it’s not fair.”
“Yeah,” Max exhales. “It isn’t.”
“Hold on for me, love,” bapak says gently and starts running. “Alec. Alexander. Call for you. Minerva, come here. Let’s take off your shoes. The climb will be easier.”
Max wants to see her.
He wants to talk to her.
But not today. Not right now.
He feels like he might cry, and he absolutely has no time or space for tears today. He cried in the bathroom last night and that was enough.
“Hey, bud,” dad says when he gets the phone and waves at him. “You good?”
“Yep,” Max nods.
“You know, there is a doctor I know. He goes to my church-”
“Dad,” Max interrupts with a tired chuckle. “It’s fine.”
He doesn’t want solutions. He doesn’t want options.
He just wants someone to hold him and tell him this fucking sucks and the world sucks and everything fucking sucks.
“Okay,” dad nods carefully. “Okay, if you say so.”
“It’s probably for the best,” Max notes with a hum. “My kids would’ve been too hot for this world.”
Dad chuckles at that. “And too fucking smart.”
“World domination,” Max nods sagely. “I did y’all a favor.”
“Hmm,” dad hums. “You talk to David about it?”
“On my way,” Max nods as he gets out of the car. “Gonna buy him flowers.”
“Why are you buying him flowers?” dad inquires.
“Because he is pretty,” Max shrugs as he picks up a bouquet of lilies and pays for it.
“Fair enough,” dads relents.
In the background, he hears his sister laugh loudly and shout something in Indonesian. Dad looks away and chuckles to himself.
Max smiles fondly. “Tell her I’ll call her later, okay?”
“Will do,” dad smiles at him. “Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“You know I love you, right?” dad asks him.
“But not more than Minnie,” Max pouts.
“You know the competition is tough, bud,” dad shrugs. “But you know I love you?”
“I do,” Max nods.
“And Rafe,” dad tells him. “And MJ too.”
Max bites his lip. He knows where dad is going with this. He beats him to it. “You…You never wanted any of your own?”
“You are my own, you little shit,” dad scoffs. “You’re in the will and everything.”
“Ohhhh,” Max grins. “Do tell.”
“Max.”
“Dad.”
“I’m not gonna say it doesn’t matter. I know it does,” dad tells him seriously. “I know it matters now. But trust me when I say that it won’t matter once you become a father. You won’t think about how you became a father or where these kids came from. You’ll only think about all the ways you love them and how you’ll do anything to protect them.”
“Kids?” Max raises an eyebrow. “Plural?”
“Lightwoods are not meant to be only children,” dad says firmly.
Max chuckles. “I love you, dad.”
Dad smiles. “Love you too.”
When he goes home, he finds David in the kitchen, chopping vegetables. He steps into the space and clears his throat. “Hey.”
David turns around and his face softens. “You got me flowers.”
“Who says they’re for you?” Max asks. “Maybe they’re for me.”
“From whom exactly?” David raises an eyebrow, holding up the knife. “I need names.”
Max lets out a loud laugh. David looks pleased by that. Max passes him the flowers and presses a kiss on his cheek. “Missed you.”
David pulls back and puts away the knife carefully. “How was work?”
“Same old,” Max shrugs as he pops a piece of carrot into his mouth. “Shinyun dropped by.”
“Oh?”
“She’s staying back for a few days,” Max informs.
“You should invite her for dinner,” David smiles. “How about Friday?”
“Will do,” Max smiles as he immediately shoots her a text.
“Max,” David says – his voice both gentle and hesitant.
Max puts his phone back into his pocket and shakes his head. “Can we not talk about it? At least not today?”
David nods at that. “Alright. Go get changed then. I’ll finish cooking soon.”
Max presses another kiss and goes upstairs.
He takes a nice hot shower and pulls on some sweats and a t-shirt. He walks downstairs to the kitchen and halts on the ground floor.
By the nursery.
It’s an absolutely ridiculous idea to plan for a nursery before you even have a baby. But David likes being prepared, and Max has no patience.
He steps inside and looks around.
They haven't done anything, to be honest.
They didn’t buy any baby stuff or paint the room or decorate it.
All they had done was clean up the room.
All they did was make space for the baby.
Max has been doing that ever since they decided to have a child together.
He has been making space for the baby.
In his home. In his schedule. In his closet.
In his mind.
In his heart.
He has been making space and letting this baby take over all parts of his life. But there is no baby now.
And it makes him feel like the baby left behind a giant gaping hole inside him.
Max is about to scream into the empty space when he feels two familiar, lean arms wrap around his waist.
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Max says, biting into his lip a little too tightly.
“I don’t want to talk about it either,” David says, his voice equally low, whispering the words into Max’s shoulder.
“No?” Max asks in surprise. “I…I thought you might.”
“No,” David says, voice still quiet. “I don’t want to talk. I hate this. I hate everything.”
Max turns around in his husband’s arms and manages a smile. “I hate everything too.”
David cups his face with both hands and draws soft circles on Max’s cheeks with his thumb. Max lets his eyes fall shut.
He sighs softly. “I’m so sorry, David.”
“This is not something you should be sorry about,” David tells him without missing a beat.
“Not this,” Max swallows and opens his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t…I’m sorry I ran away.”
“It’s a Tuesday,” David tells him. “A work day. You went to work.”
“David,” Max sighs.
“You are allowed to run away,” David tells him gently. “I thought you knew that.”
“I know that,” Max bites his lip. “But I don’t want to run away from you. Never again.”
“You are allowed to run away,” David tells him again. “Even from me. Just don’t run away for two years.”
“I think that’s called a divorce, babe,” Max cracks a tiny smile.
David cups his face a little firmly. “We don’t have to talk about it. But will you tell me if you’re okay?”
Max shakes his head. “I’m not.”
David pulls him closer at that and hugs him tightly. “I’m sorry, mon ange. This fucking sucks.”
Max chuckles loudly and tries to agree. But his chuckle turns into a choked sob, and he ends up crying into David’s chest.
He cries for a long time, letting the other man rub circles on his back and whisper words of comfort into his hair.
He cries until his legs feel heavy and he sinks to the floor, pulling David with him. Then he cries a little more.
“Do you think it’s a sign?” Max asks eventually, lying on the floor, head on David’s lap, and staring up at the empty ceiling of the empty nursery.
“What’s a sign?” David asks.
“A sign from the universe,” Max explains. “That I’m not meant to be a father.”
Max has his fair share of daddy issues. He remembers being hard on his parents and thinking how on earth they could fuck up so badly because parenting had seemed so easy.
He remembers thinking why they can’t just do it right.
Now, in retrospect, he feels stupid.
But he already feels like he is doing everything wrong, and he hasn’t even started yet.
“I don’t think it’s a sign,” David replies.
“But what if it is?” Max groans softly.
“Then the universe is stupid,” David says simply.
Max chuckles tiredly. “I don’t know, babe. It just feels like the universe is against me.”
He tries not to think about all the excitement. He tries not to remember the punch to his gut when he received the news. He tries to wonder what it all means.
David shifts under him and Max sits up immediately. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s not just you,” David tells him.
“What?” Max asks in confusion.
David shuffles closer, until their knees knock against each other. “It’s not just you. Against the universe, I mean. It’s not just you, Max. It’s the both of us. It will always be the two of us against the universe and we will always win. We just need to fight together, okay?”
Max doesn’t know how to respond to that. So, he pulls David closer and wraps his arms around the other man.
He breathes in the familiar vanilla and lets go. “Have you thought about it?”
“About what?”
“About other options.”
David pulls back a little. “We don’t have to talk about it today.”
“Have you thought about it?” Max asks again.
“We both know the options available to us,” David exhales. “I want whatever you want.”
“David-”
“I mean it,” David tells him seriously. “If you want to see more doctors, then we’ll do that. We’ll keep trying until you think it’s enough.”
“I don’t want to keep trying,” Max swallows tightly. “I think it will make it hurt worse. I know that makes me a coward, but I don’t ever want to hear those words from another doctor ever again.”
Once was enough.
“It’s not cowardly,” David shakes his head. “You want to protect yourself from pain. Giving up on something, especially something that means so much to you, takes a lot of strength, Max. I think it’s very brave.”
Max smiles a little. You’re gonna be a good dad.”
“And you are going to be a great dad,” David counters.
Max hums and takes David’s hand into his own. “I don’t…I don’t want to wait. I know I wanted the baby to be mine. But that doesn’t mean that’s what was most important to me. I want a family, David. I want a family with you. And I don’t want to wait.”
“Okay,” David nods seriously, taking in the words. “Okay. So, we can consider our options. I can be the donor, or we can adopt or-”
“I want you,” Max blurts out. “I mean, I want you to be the donor.”
“Oh,” David says and then smiles. “Okay. Of course.”
“You sure?” Max asks.
“Yes,” David cradles his face. “If this is what you want, then the sensible next step is for us to make an appointment to see if I’m eligible for this.”
“You’ll be fine,” Max rolls his eyes. “You probably have some kind of super sperm what with your giant dick and all.”
David slaps his arm.
Max giggles. He hugs David tightly. “I mean it. It’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.”
“I’m sorry it’s not yours,” David tells him quietly. “I mean, it’s still yours. But you know what I mean.”
“I know,” Max whispers. “I’m glad it’s gonna be yours. Do you know why?”
“Why?”
“Because now I’m going to love this baby twice as much,” Max replies. “Because loving you is the easiest shit I’ve ever done.”
David chuckles and pulls back, putting his hands on Max’s shoulders. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“Always,” Max smiles.
“Sometimes I think about how you’re going to be the father of my child and it makes me cry,” David whispers to me. “I didn’t really have a good father and to think that my children will have the best father in the world, it gets me emotional every time.”
Max tries not to cry all over again. He scoffs instead. “Everyone is saying all sorts of nice things about me today. Next week, I’m telling y’all I have cancer.”
David slaps his arm again.
Max chuckles and pulls him back into the hug.
“Hey.”
“Yes.”
“I’m so fucking excited for this.”
“Me too, mon ange.”
“Is the baby gonna be white?”
“Probably.”
“Yikes.”
“Don’t say yikes.”
“Oh fuck.”
“What?”
“Our baby’s gonna be taller than me, isn’t it?”
“Possibly.”
“Oh well,” Max shrugs. “It is what it is.”
“Thank you, I feel very flattered right now,” David grumbles.
“Don’t worry, babe,” Max chuckles. “I will love our children despite all the flaws you’re going to pass onto them.”
“Children?” David asks.
“Hm-hm,” Max nods. “You better save up all that jizz, sweetheart. I have grand plans.”
David rolls his eyes fondly and presses a kiss to his lips. And then one more. And then another.
Max hums and lets his head drop back. He stares up at the empty room.
They should start decorating soon.