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Katsuki was exhausted.
He didn't regret it - he regretted very few things in his life, and bringing home Hisaki was not one of them. He loved his son, as much as he loved Izuku (maybe even more, if he was being honest; there was something about seeing both of them in their son that tugged at his heart in a way he could never have imagined possible), but being a parent was hard. The late nights, the constant crying, feeling like he was failing?
Katsuki had come to terms with his self-doubt a while ago, but seeing Izuku thrive while he floundered was a new form of hell.
It was just so easy for him. It seemed like Izuku knew exactly what their son needed the moment he started to cry, able to calm and soothe him without a flinch. Katsuki took forever, fumbling between options as he tried to figure out what might work, jumping between diapers and bottles and remembering how to swaddle while Hisaki wailed in his arms. Night duty for Izuku was simple and quick - the few times Katsuki woke to Izuku sliding out of bed, he returned barely minutes later, his arms wrapped around Katsuki's chest to cuddle close. For him? For him, it was hours of trying to get Hisaki back to sleep, pacing throughout their home as he bounced him in his arms, muttering what little of the few lullabies he could remember.
Izuku was always smiling, bright, and excited for the next day. Katsuki could barely keep his eyes open past naptime, no matter how much coffee he drank.
Today was no exception. Five months in, Hisaki was finally crawling, leaving his play mat the moment Katsuki took his eyes off him. Meaning the second he checked his pager since he was technically on call, or tried to clean up any of the mess around the house, tummy time was over, and off he went. They couldn't even set up a pen since the adorable little brat could climb, and the idea of him falling and cracking his head open was scarier than looking up and seeing him gone.
Not that seeing his kid had wandered off to who knew where was any better, but at least that didn't involve any blood.
There was screaming, of course, because Hisaki had managed to find the singular button that had popped off some piece of cloth before Katsuki could find him, and the idea of relinquishing his treasure was the end of the world. Throwing up as well, because adult fingers were too large for a baby’s mouth, as necessary as it was to jam them in between sharp new teeth and grab said button, even as it caused his poor little body to heave in Katsuki’s arms. Flailing arms that smacked Katsuki right in the eye, probably deserved as far as his son was concerned.
But at least no blood.
A bath and a change of clothes for them both, and Katsuki got Hisaki settled into his highchair, his transgressions actually forgiven when faced with mashed peas and a nice warm bottle of formula. Peas that, when Izuku burst through the door, ended up half on Katsuki, stinking and green and awful against his skin.
“Kacchan, Kacchan! I have a great idea for my birthday. I think - hey, sweetheart.” Izuku paused, dipping down to kiss Hisaki on the forehead, giving Katsuki a moment to stand and try to wipe the mess from his hands. “I think we should have an American-style barbeque party for my birthday! We can invite all of our friends and our family, and have a giant party in the backyard! We can decorate the entire house and rent a bunch of grills and-”
“Deku. No.”
Deku paused at Katsuki’s interruption, his previously waving hands falling to his sides. His head tilted, eyebrows rising at Katsuki’s tone. They’d long gotten past many of their issues; dating and marriage for almost eight years had given them plenty of time to talk through them all, finding that middle ground they both could happily live within. So it wasn’t often one of them just shut down the other without a conversation, at least not like this.
“What? Kacchan, why?”
Oh, he loved the man, but he was going to kill him.
“Because we have a son, genius!” Katsuki’s face twisted as he turned back towards them, glaring Izuku down. He’d worry about his clothes after he was done making sure Hisaki was fed, since he just knew more would end up on him. Enough was getting on the kid’s hands, that was for sure, as they waved happily and knocked against the spoon approaching his mouth.
“But I already made a mock-up of a flier we can send to our friends! And I’ve been looking at decorations my entire lunch break, and found a place that has the grills we’d need. We can talk about the theme if you’re not keen on what I’ve been looking at, but-”
“Deku,” Katsuki interrupted him again, reaching over to grab the front of his shirt, pulling him up so they were eye to eye. “We have a son.”
Izuku blinked at him. “Yes, know. I am his other dad, Kacchan.”
“Then you should know, Izuku,” Katsuki snapped, giving up on feeding Hisaki solids to scoop him into his arms instead, settling him in with a bottle, “that he won’t get the next set of his shots until next month, and until then we can’t risk him catching something.” Katsuki unwrapped one of his fingers from the bottle to brush Hisaki’s blond hair from his face, his pretty red eyes half closed in contentment, freckled cheeks flushed. “We can’t risk him catching some shit, and I’ll be damned if we get this far and he ends up in the hospital with diphtheria.”
It did hurt, seeing Izuku’s face fall the more Katsuki talked. But everything he said was true, and Katsuki was far too tired to entertain the thought of such an extensive get-together. The very idea of having to clean the house, having to try and pull himself together more than he needed to go to work, having to decorate?
By All Might, that sounded awful, and already he could feel the exhaustion pulling at his limbs. Even worse than it already was.
“We couldn’t do anything for my birthday either,” Katsuki reminded him, ignoring the look of guilt that flashed over Izuku’s face at the reminder. “Maybe we can make up for it, for us both next year. And celebrate Hisaki’s first birthday as well. That’ll be three big parties right in a row, ok? You can even start planning your shitty barbeque now and go all out for it.”
Seeing that the bottle was mostly empty, Katsuki pulled it from Hisaki’s lips, looking around for the burp cloth he knew was somewhere. Of course, it wasn’t here now, now that he needed it, forcing his poor son to wait.
“I got it.” Katsuki watched as Hisaki slipped from his arms. Black Whip draped the burp cloth over his shoulder while Izuku settled him over it. A few quick, well-placed pats were all Hisaki needed to belch, Izuku chuckling as he rubbed his cheek against Hisaki’s side. “You’re right, Kacchan. Next year we’ll have great parties. Too bad we can’t have them this year, though. I know everyone wants to meet Hicchan - I always tell them what an easy baby he is, and they won’t believe it until they see it for themselves.”
Easy. Whatever else Izuku had to say faded into an exhausted buzz. He was so, so tired.
The rest of the night progressed quickly, even as it dragged on in his mind. A quick dinner for them both, Katsuki lacking the energy and Izuku the skill to make anything more complex. Thankfully, Izuku kept their spawn in place, Black Whip shooting out from the table every few minutes to course-correct their wayward child as he tried to wander. Katsuki was glad he could finally breathe, even if something angry and ugly curled in his stomach at Hisaki’s giggle while Izuku overstuffed his face. Bathtime went much the same - Hisaki sobbing as Katsuki tried to wash his thick blonde curls single-handed, only for tears to dry when Izuku’s shower finally finished, and he joined them in the tub. It was easier with both of them there, one holding the boy while the other scrubbed, but that fact of the matter didn’t change Katsuki’s sinking heart. At least bedtime went smoothly. Kisses and cuddles were exchanged without another meltdown; just the cutest infant in the cutest onesie, settled in his crib.
It wasn’t until Hisaki awoke in the middle of the night, his hiccuping sob grating against Katsuki’s ears, that he broke.
He held on through the initial cry, jolting awake as the baby monitor lit up green beside him. He held on through stumbling out of bed, lifting Hisaki into his arms, holding his son to his chest. He even held on through his first few attempts at calming the child, trying everything he could to soothe him.
“Kacchan,” Izuku yawned as he walked into the nursery, rubbing at his bleary eyes. “He’s hungry. If you want to go back to bed, I can take care of him.”
That, that was when Katsuki broke.
“Fucking fine,” Katsuki snapped, watching the exhaustion flee from Izuku’s face. Stomping over, he placed Hisaki as gently into Izuku’s arms as he could, his hands shaking with barely concealed rage, his eyes welling with tears. He wasn’t a crier, that was Izuku’s job, but just to add insult to injury, Hisaki stopped his wailing the moment Izuku’s arms closed around him, just making his eyes sting all the more as he fled from the room, the hall, their home.
As if that wasn’t a stronger indication he wasn’t cut out for this.
The backdoor closing cut off Izuku calling for him.
It didn’t take long for Izuku to come and find him, perfect bastard. Not that it was hard - their backyard wasn’t huge, just enough to host their loved ones if everyone squished. His only two options were the chairs on the porch or under the tree, so Izuku’s second option was almost always correct.
“Hey,” Izuku said quietly, making sure to approach Katsuki’s hiding spot under the tree from the side, giving Katsuki a wide berth. The baby monitor was clenched in his hand, the light steady to show their son was asleep. “Are you ok, Kacchan?”
“Fuck off.” His voice was small, lips wobbly as he wiped at his face, trying to dry his cheeks of his shame. “Just go back to sleep, Izuku. I’ll come inside in a bit.” Like always, Izuku ignored his words, settling down on the wet grass beside him. His head tilted to lay on Katsuki’s shoulder, nuzzling into his bare skin as the baby monitor hung between them.
“What’s wrong, Kacchan? It won’t get better until you tell me.” Both paused as the baby monitor lit up, Hisaki making a small sound from his crib. Thankfully, he quickly settled, soothing himself back to sleep.
“It’s...” Katsuki paused, the words heavy on his tongue. The idea of having to admit his doubts, his shame? It was hard, accepting he even had them, and harder still voicing them to the world. To his world. “It’s Hisaki.”
Izuku stiffened beside him. His scarred hand clenched around the baby monitor, teeth beginning to worry at his lip. “Do,” he eventually said, pausing for a long moment before continuing, “do you regret having him?”
“No,” Katsuki protested, shaking his head hard enough to dislodge Izuku from his resting spot, forcing them both to sit up and turn toward each other. “Fuck, damn it, Deku, I love you both so fucking much it hurts. But I’m not good at this shit, and it’s even worse that I can’t do anything right when he actually needs me to! It takes me over an hour to get him back to sleep, if I can even do it at all, and half awake, you know he’s starving! You’re some perfect superdad. Meanwhile, I’m just...” Katsuki waved his hand, too tired to try and say anymore.
God, he was exhausted.
The feel of Izuku’s hands on his cheeks was a balm, a comforting warmth he could lean into. His lips followed, soft, gentle, brushing across his cheeks to remove the last few tears that clung to Katsuki’s skin. Wrapping one hand around the back of Katsuki’s neck, Izuku pulled him forward, letting him rest his head on his shoulder, the other rubbing at his back. Katsuki’s own arms wrapped around Izuku’s waist, happy to accept the affection and warmth seeping into his exhausted form.
“I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were struggling, Kacchan.” Izuku’s hand moved from his neck to his hair, crooked fingers scratching at his scalp. “Remember how easy it was, that first month when our parents came over all the time to help teach us what to do?” When Katsuki nodded, Izuku turned to press a kiss to his temple. “Black Whip helps; gives me extra hands so I can do more. But what helps even more is the vestiges.” Katsuki turned, his face pressed against Izuku’s neck so he could feel how Katsuki’s eyebrows rose. “I know,” Izuku chuckled. “You’d think they’d only help with One for All, but since so many of them had families, they’re surprisingly good at giving advice for child care as well. It’s like having our parents in my head, all the time, letting me know exactly what he needs.”
“And you’ve always been good with brats,” Katsuki grunted. The admission that Izuku at least had help, that he wasn’t just this good blind, had helped to settle some of the ugly feelings swirling inside of Katsuki’s chest, making his patchwork heart beat a bit easier than before. “Does it make me a bad person to know you’re not just that good? That you have a literal hoard of dead fucks telling you shit?”
Izuku laughed, shaking his head. “No, it doesn’t, Kacchan. It makes you a normal person. How about this - you stop wearing your hearing aids when you sleep, and I’ll do all the night care. That way, you actually get some sleep. Things will start to get better after a few nights.”
“That’s not fair to you,” Katsuki tried to protest. However, the idea of sleeping uninterrupted for days sounded beyond amazing. But still, they’d agreed on a split, and he wasn’t backing down now.
“It’s more fair than what we have going on now, Kacchan,” Izuku pointed out, nuzzling their heads together. “Me being awake for fifteen, twenty minutes, is much more fair than you being awake half the night. Let me do this for you, ok?”
Katsuki wanted to keep fighting; he rarely ever backed down. But for this? This he just nodded, too tired to protest more against his husband’s insistence. His plan sounded amazing - it’d be so much easier to work and get shit done when he wasn’t ready to drop dead from exhaustion, and taking care of the house and Hisaki would be too. He didn’t necessarily like it, but he could accept it.
“Now, once you’ve gotten enough sleep, about my birthday-”
“Deku! No!”
Izuku was right. Because of course he was. After a few nights of sleeping without interruption, it was easier. Easier to work through the mess the house had become, getting things done instead of just wanting to blow it all up. Easier to watch as Izuku cared for Hisaki, knowing in a moment’s notice what their son needed. Easier to deal with his own failings as well, able to hold his son and dry his tears when things became too much instead of drowning in his own inadequacies.
And when Izuku’s birthday came, it was easy to put together. Not a large, American-style BBQ like he’d wanted, no - that Katsuki had shut down, at least until next year, when their son would be able to handle being around so many people without the risk of getting sick. Instead, when Izuku went off to work, kissing them both as he left, Katsuki went to work as well, Hisaki strapped to his chest, laughing and cooing over the knives and fire as steaks and ribs and pork chops cooked, more than enough to feed two pro-heroes and their little son.
So when Izuku came home, it was to his husband and son and a pile of food, happy to give him a taste of the party he could expect next year.
Being a parent, and a partner, was, in fact, much easier when he wasn’t exhausted.