Chapter Text
“I NEED A LOVER. I THINK” You sigh, twirling the strands of Kai’s hair that rest on his nape.
It’s four in the afternoon, sounds of the barely perceptible breeze wafting in from the dorm window followed by a powdery petrichor. It’s a lazy, slow day today, and the midday heat joined with humidity due to light rainfall makes a sleep-inducing concoction. Sinking into the bed, your pillows swallow your form, faint aroma from the sheets’ fabric softener dancing across your nose.
“You always say this, yet make zero effort to talk to Yeonjunnie-hyung.” The youngest grumbles pulling your body closer. Kai pushes his face further into your stomach as the eldest watches the two of you from the desk, Twiddling his pen and swiveling your office chair. “It’s just a happy crush. I have no intention of pursuing someone like him.” Kai shifts to look at you. “What’s wrong with hyung?” Rolling your eyes, you reply, “Nothing. That’s the point. He should get with someone in his league,” you mumble, “I’ve accepted my fate.” Heaving dramatically, it’s Beomgyu’s turn to roll his eyes.
“We’ve given you plenty of chances to interact with hyung, don’t act like your commitment and attachment issues have nothing to do with this.” Your eyes dart to him, feigning offense. “You’re so mean to me. It’s not that easy! He’s just so… Awesome.” You pout as Kai hums in acknowledgement, sitting up to rest his shoulder onto your collar. “You're right—but, you’re just as cool.” You grin, “Thanks Hyuka, unlike this ungrateful brat, you’re the only one who understands me” You coo, cupping his face in your hands and the both of you giggle at each other.
“I’m pretty sure he thinks you’re dating Kai anyway,” Beomgyu interjects, “Just look at you guys,” he points, “barely able to keep your hands off each other.” Your expression morphs to confusion and both of you turn to look at the eldest. “This is different,” you state, “what me and Hyuka have is beyond a romantic relationship.” “Seconded,” Kai nods, “this is all platonic.” “That’s one way to say the both of you are bitchless and have nobody to do that with.” The eldest sneers, and your arm reaches to grab a pillow to chuck at him. “Says you! To our knowledge your loser-core self with your math-rock nerd get up is not attracting anybody.”
Beomgyu shakes his head, “To your knowledge. Plenty of people want this” He smirks, shimmying and gesturing to his body. The both of you boo the elder, rummaging through the plushies along your bed to throw at the eldest. “Stop it! That one had beaded eyes! Shit hurts.” He exclaims, rubbing his elbow and raising his fist to fake a punch. “Go date your very real suitors then?” The youngest counters, “All you do is hang out with us.” The eldest shakes his head as he voices a flurry of nos. “Because I value our friendship over everything else!” He exclaims, “Also I just don’t want to waste my time on someone I don’t know or have interest in.” You and Kai look at each other and tilt your heads, as if accepting his explanation.
The three of you comfortably fall into silence—broken when Kai’s alarm rings and he groans as he stands. “I have a class in, like, ten. See you lonely people for dinner!” He slips on his jacket, “Hot pot after? Hot pot after?” He squirms excitedly, shooting finger guns. You shrug and the other nods, scrolling on his phone. “We can meet at the food park after. I’ll text the others too.” Kai smiles widely, before stopping abruptly, “We should tell Yeonjun-hyung!”
You cover your face with a pillow and Beomgyu laughs. “Whatever. Don't make fun of me if I do something stupid.” The youngest pumps a fist in the air and opens the door. “Nice! See you guys later” He says, blowing kisses as his figure disappears behind the door. It’s a routine at this point, your trio going out for a not-so-deserved dinner after a long day of doing nothing important, occasionally accompanied by other friends—so you were used to being left alone with Beomgyu.
However this time, he tenses up as soon as Kai leaves. Shifting uncomfortably in his seat he whistles, in contrast to one of two extremes he usually does, Staying silent or being obnoxiously loud.
“What’s up?” You ask, picking up the items on the floor. Beomgyu keeps quiet until he clears his throat, “How did you start being so touchy with Kai?” Turning your head to face him, he averts his. “Are you jealous?” You tease, poking at his sides. “Forget I said anything.” He tuts. Pouting, you drop your arms. “Why do you ask?” You question earnestly, sitting on the edge of the bed. The older shrugs as he presses his lips to a thin line. He's playing with his hands again. “I don’t know. Lately, I’ve been,” He pauses and looks at you for a split second “thinking things.” You listen intently, waiting for him to continue. “I think… I want that too. To be touchy and stuff.” He mumbles the last part, and you let out an ah and purse your lips. “It just happened I guess. I don’t know, it was natural once we grew comfortable with each other.” You answer, and he looks at you again, eyes fixated on yours this time. “How do I do that?”
“It’s different for everyone. It matters on both ends. Don’t worry about doing the wrong thing, just try to convey it properly so that the other person feels it. Doesn’t have to be verbal either” You reassure and give him a small smile, sitting cross-legged and leaning forward. “That sounds difficult.” He breathes, and your eyes soften. “It is… A bit, but when I found out Kai was just as clingy as I am, physical touch with him is the best. Slowly, you can try and test the waters.” You explain, and Beomgyu nods, hanging onto every word you say.
“Do you think… I can try that with you too?” He mutters. Quarter of the sun sits on the horizon, an orange glow casting upon the room. The rain has long stopped, traces of it found in water droplets sitting on your windowsill. The metallic whir of the fan fills the silence once more—but all Beomgyu can hear is a deafening ring in his ear.
You study him, and it must have been going on for a little too long because his eyes shoot at different places besides your self. “Sorry. That was—” “Beommie” You coo, and his anxious demeanor quickly shifts into playful annoyance. “You are so corny! After saying all of that about me and Hyuka, who knew you were just jealous.” The older rolls his eyes, and by the time they turn back to face yours, you’ve moved in front of him with your arms out. “What?”
“What what? Isn’t this what you wanted?” You taunt. “You make it seem like I begged for it.” “You should be grateful I didn’t demand you to.” You retort, and he stands up to mirror your stance.
Frowning at him, your body steps forward and embraces his. You can feel his arms closing in and hovering on your back. “What’s taking so long? It’s just a hug.” The older melts into the hug and squeezes your form. “I’ve never hugged a friend before.”
You pull away and his eyebrows knit together “What-” “You’re touch-deprived! That’s what this is.” You remark, and Beomgyu’s ears dip into a pink hue. “That’s not…” He struggles to find words, opening and closing his mouth. “Yeah that might be it.” You hug and pull him lower as the two of you sit on the edge of the bed, “Is this fine?” Beomgyu nods, placing his forehead on your collarbone. “It feels nice” He says, words muffled and voice vibrating against your side. “Can,” He hesitates, “can we do what you and Kai did?” Tilt your head, you try to recall the events from earlier. “The.. thing on the bed. The one I made fun of you guys for.” “I don’t know,” You fake ponder, and he tenses under your arms, “That’s only something bitchless people with no love-lives do.” You mock. Scoffing, the other moves away.
You stick your tongue out and move backwards, back stopping on the mountain of plushies. Beomgyu follows, resting his head near your torso. You take his hand and trace patterns along his thumb’s interdigit, as he responds with a low hum of approval. You feel through your nightstand for your phone, scrolling mindlessly. The older sits up but maintains closeness, burying his face in the crook of your neck.
The sun has fully set, and darkness engulfs your room with the only light source illuminating from your phone screen. The wind has gotten a bit louder, partnered with soft chirps from cicadas and crickets.
It doesn’t take long for the boy to fall asleep, and you observe just how much of a messy sleeper he is. Every few minutes he moves drastically, goes from detaching himself to clinging onto you further. As he rests his head and arm on your stomach, you feel yourself growing drowsier, yawning and settling into the bed.
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You wake up to the older shaking you softly, his free arm reaching to rub his eyes. Slowly sitting up and staring into nothing, you feel disoriented as you gather your surroundings. “What time is it?” Beomgyu asks, and you shrug and shake your head. He unlocks his phone and you mimic him, scanning the multiple missed calls and ‘Where are you?’ messages from Kai from thirty minutes ago. Your eyes glance on the time, 8:24 .
Following a grunt, the other gets up to tilt the dimmer ever so slightly to get the both of you accustomed to the lighting change. You’re still sitting on the bed and gazing absentmindly out the window, faded typing from Beomgyu’s phone in the background. “Kai says they’ve ordered for us.” He grins down at his phone, slim fingers tapping the screen. “We should go then.” You slur, rolling out of the bed and fishing through your drawers for a hoodie.
Once you’ve locked your room, Beomgyu hooks his arm into yours, intertwining your fingers with his. You stiffen at the abrupt contact, but solidify your grip on him regardless.
It’s a ten minute walk across the campus, and the both of you stumble on the sidewalk, still half asleep. Fairy lights and tents scatter the food park, smoke apparent in the air from all the grilling. The area is loud yet homey, laughter and chatter from students ranting and complaining about their day, easing their frustration with a full belly and alcohol. It’s a Friday, and for most students, it’s the end of their week. This applies to you and Beomgyu, and the two of you fall into discussion on whether or not you should splurge a bit on drinks.
“Guys!” Your heads turn to the source of the voice, meeting Kai’s toothy grin and outstretched arms. The both of you cram through the crowd and stop in front of the table, exchanging greetings with the rest of your friends. Once you and the latter settle in your seat, the rest of the table looks at you two inquisitively. “What?” Beomgyu gestures, eyebrows raised. “Nothing.” Taehyun assures, turning back to his food and the others follow. Your eyes go from examining them to their food, unintentionally gaping at the food across you. “Yeojin-ah protect your food!” Soobin shrieks and the mentioned girl waves a rice cake at of you. “Poor baby~” She taunts, and you frown, opening your mouth as she feeds it to you. Pursing your eyebrows together, you nod in compliance as the rest of the table laughs. “So what did you order us?” Beomgyu peers at the menus on the table, leaning forward. That’s when you realize your arms are still linked.
“Dunno. I let Yeonjun-hyung do it.” Soobin responds, blowing his ramyeon. Your head snaps to face him. “He’s here?” Kai smirks and inches forward, “Oh you want to see him so bad.”
“See who?” The table faces an out of breath Yeonjun, bangs sticking to his forehead—carrying a large tray full of dishes. He greets you and Beomgyu, but the words barely register in your mind as you gawk at the sight of him.
Somehow he makes perspiring attractive, but maybe it’s the dress shirt first two buttons open paired with slacks and a silver wrist watch. Your eyes linger on his for a while, before Beomgyu nudges at you to scoot over.
The eldest distributes the dishes, reluctantly handing you your dinner. “I wasn’t sure what to get you, and I don’t really have pocket money, but if you want to switch bowls with me if you don’t like it that’s fine” You quickly shake your head and accept the ramyeon “M'not really picky. Thanks Yeonjun.” He simpers, sitting down. Beomgyu takes his arm out from yours and stands to grab both of you napkins, and you thank him as well—fanning your hand to diffuse the steam in front of you.
The night passes with everyone laughing and semi-intoxicated, Kai complaining about his requirements while Yeojin whines about being single. For a bit you join her on the topic, stammering about with Beomgyu cautiously eyeing you. “Seriously what would it take for-” “Uh alright that’s enough.” he shushes you to prevent you from saying something stupid. “I think we’ll head out now.” The others sound their disapproval and objections, but the former has already stood up, grabbing his jacket. He taps your shoulder and your head shoots up to smile at him. “Beomgyu no…” Dramatically tipping the chair backwards, he puts his hand to support your weight. “Yeah no. Why are you always such a pain in my ass? Let’s go.” You scoff and get up. “That’s not what you thought when you—” He clamps his hand on your mouth and glares at you as you wave goodbyes to the table.
The distance from the park to your dorm seemed larger than earlier, no longer being dazed by sleep nor alcohol. The streets have grown silent and empty, Footsteps and humming emitting from yourself. You’ve sobered up after Beomgyu insisted on stopping by a convenience store to buy ice cream. Biting into your Samanco, you give the other puppy eyes as he groans, sticking out his dessert. You smile sheepishly at him and give yours for exchange.
He stops at the front mat of your door, nagging about how you should not go to sleep as soon as you head inside—giving detailed instructions on what you should be doing. “I get it already! Geez… Now shoo!” Laughing, he waves you off and walks away.
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Drying your hair with a towel, you drop on your bed and open your messaging apps. A few messages from the group; saying thanks and proposing new meet-up plans. You open your chat with Beomgyu.
Beommie ʕ •`ᴥ•´ʔ ✩彡: [10:51]
hey. remember to get clean and drink water before u sleep.
Beommie ʕ •`ᴥ•´ʔ ✩彡: [10:55]
and
thanks again
for
you know
the thing
You: [11:27]
no prob gyu-ah
you can always count on me for that stuff
You: [11:29]
if you don’t have anyone i mean
Beommie ʕ •`ᴥ•´ʔ ✩彡: [11:29]
ouch
okayy lol
oh btw don't forget our org photoshoot on mon. i will strangle u if u ditch
night
You: [11:29]
WHAR?! I WOULD NEVR !!
ur too mean to me
Beommie ʕ •`ᴥ•´ʔ ✩彡: [11:29]
lolol
btw
this song reminded me of you
Beommie ʕ •`ᴥ•´ʔ ✩彡 sent a link: Open Heavy by the Marias on Spotify
You: [11:29]
wtf.
if anything u were on ME
Beommie ʕ •`ᴥ•´ʔ ✩彡: [11:29]
listen and read the lyrics b4 u say things
dumbass
gn for real
The corners of your lips bend upwards unknowingly—opening the link. Just as the song starts, you hear a ping again. It’s from an unknown number. Curiously, you open the chat.
Unknown: [11:30]
hi hi
This is choi yeonjun
realized I didn’t have ur info yet so I got your number from Soobin-ah
Save my number as well~ goodnight!
You: [11:31]
hi!!
i’ll save your number then~ night sunbae!
Eyes widening at the screen, you celebrate silently, making a mental note to treat the mentioned upperclassman to snacks next week. The mellow bass plays the song out as you scroll down to thank him when you notice an unread message from Taehyun.
Tyunnie choco-baby ε٩(๑> ₃ <)۶з : [11:32]
What’s going on between you and Beomgyu-hyung?