Chapter Text
“Not so lonely after all”
40 years before I lost everything, ??? POV:
My first memory is the sound of my own screaming and the freezing cold. I was so scared, my sight was poor but then a warm embrace and a soft voice welcomed me to the world, it was my mother.
She would call me “her Xiao-Xiao”. I don’t recall her ever addressing me by a real name, but, before selling me to the slave traders, she whispered to me my last name “Shen”, which was hers, of course.
I treasured the moment, but I never told anyone about it, because I knew it would make others jealous.
They lined us against a wall and never bothered asking for names. After that, they started counting: “Yī”, for a small girl my age; “Èr”, was assigned to another girl who was clinging to Yi. “Sān”, this time for a boy; then “Sì”…. “Liù”...“Qī”, who was an older boy with thick eyebrows and gentle eyes. They told “Bā” to a small child with frizzled hair, and finally me, the ninth, the number “Jiǔ”...
The number seven became my “Qi-ge”. He also had been sold by his parents and was the only one acting kindly to me. He said my name like it was real, not just a number for identification.
Time went by and I became good at my beggar’s job: I made begging and crying on command an art well-studied.
I learned quickly that if older kids saw you as weak, they would not get creative in their beating and that became a life-saving trick.
My Qi-ge was warm and soft so I was no longer cold at night.
29 years before I lost my everything, Xiao-Jiǔ POV:
I was good at telling a friend from a foe at first glance, it was an instinct, a blessing. Qi-ge never really had or learned it, but it was okay, he had me after all.
That’s why it didn’t surprise me when one of the kids snitched on us: Qi-ge, against my advice, had saved him from a passing carriage of a young nobleman, nonetheless he betrayed us. We were both summoned and I was sold to the nobleman, while Qi-ge was sent to a work camp.
The first time I glanced at my new master, Qiu Jianluo, I had a feeling of present danger.
I swear his eyes were so dark that the light of day was lost in them. They were like bottomless pits which crept into my nightmares for years. He was evil and had horrible needs and wants.
He took me in and introduced me to his little sister, his spoiled and, oh so very naive, Qiu Haitang.
Unlike her brother, she had lovely and understanding hazelnut eyes.
The Qui estate soon became my private hell where she and the other female servants were my only salvation.
After all, her dear brother wouldn’t try anything in front of his “innocent little sister”...
One night, after suffering a routine beating from the Beast, I was left in the woodshed, so that I’d be out of sight until sunrise, but all of a sudden I heard my friend’s, my brother’s Qi-ge voice. He wanted to try and free me. I knew he wouldn’t succeed, but still, his presence held some sort of hope. I believed him when he promised that he would come back for me. Apparently, he had been discovered by some Cang Qiong cultivators and was headed to become a disciple.
Qi-ge never broke his promises.
…
I also think that around this time he came to be.
…
And so I waited in that wretched house and grew older. My limbs grew longer and slender and, from what Haitang always told me, my face became pretty too.
I-I don’t remember much of those years… But Mu Qingfang said that often our mind lets us forget things to protect itself, so, even now, I leave it be.
I only distinctly remember the feeling of fire on my skin and the strain of my muscles when I decapitated the monster with his own sword.
The later years have also become blurred… I remember escaping with the infamous Wu Yanzi who I foolishly believed to be a righteous cultivator, but my luck had already run out. My first teacher was nothing more than a mad scientist, a leech that sucked the life force off innocent people.
I don’t regret killing him, especially since he had tried to murder my Qi-ge.
24 years before I lost my everything, Shen Jiu POV:
It’s still difficult to describe what I felt when I saw him after so long. His eyes and eyebrows were still the same, his gentle face marred by evident shock. His expression almost made me laugh, but I also wanted to cry and scream at him demanding an explanation as to why he didn't come back for me.
He had even changed his name.
And he really looked the part too. After all, “Yue Qingyuan” stands for“ high mountain”, ever so fitting… (I thought bitterly)
From a dirty street rat to an honorable cultivator who could reach for the heavens, while I still had my last name, given by a mother that didn’t love me, and a name that wasn't anything better than a number.
He was able to cleanse himself from his past, leaving me behind to rot.
I wanted to flee but Qi-…, no, Yue Qingyuan insisted I stayed, so I did.
My new Shizun wasn’t kind but she was the only constant in my life, her presence grounding me to reality.
I studied and practiced the four arts until my hands and feet bled.
It was the quickest way to get calluses so that playing the quin or writing calligraphy no longer hurt.
But I was used to pain, I even welcomed it.
I knew that being guarded and unapproachable was going to get me in trouble.
I believed that I could act as I did on the streets to keep myself safe, but my Qi-ge was no longer with me.
I was angry, I felt betrayed and lost. Yue Qingyuan just kept apologizing, refusing to give me an explanation as to why he had left me in that hell.
…
I couldn't sleep in the dorms, full of men, so unsafe, which led me often to the brothel in town, the Warm Red Pavillion.
The jiejies were nice and understanding, more than happy to just give me a room and, later on, even keeping me company.
It all was ruined when Liu Qingge, at the time still named Liu Mingyu, broke into the establishment to fish me out and make a fool out of me on behalf of the Cang Qiong Mountain sect.
After that incident, I was labeled a leecher by my martial siblings. To protect my jiejies I tried sleeping less and meditating more, which helped me avoid my ever-present night terrors.
Shizun, when she first asserted my cultivation and qi reserves, told me that I had been crippled and only because I had an incredible potential could I still be able to achieve a golden core… I was 16 when she told me.
My spiritual veins stopped developing at 18 so I had a possibility to recover some of my power, but I had to act fast.
…
Next year I was appointed head disciple with my working, even if shaky, golden core. I held my head high when Shizun placed the official Peak Lord hair crown on me.
22 years before I lost everything, Shen Qingqiu POV:
My master and all the other peak Lords of the Ming generation ascended and I became Shen Qingqiu, my new brothers and sisters all officially obtained new courtesy names. That day we became the Qing generation.
I believed that my relationship with my martial siblings would mend and smooth itself over time, but it only got worse.
My disciples, all young children, so sticky and fragile, with that same amount of potential I once could have had, brought up mixed feelings.
I was envious of their easy lives, almost as much as I had been of Liu Qingge, son of a prestigious and well-respected noble family. He had lacked nothing in life, but he would continually harass and fight me over his fake sense of honor. I admired his honesty but I also despised his lack of awareness and righteous sense of self.
For a while, I tried taking in disciples the usual way, but the only ones interested in joining Qing Jing Peak were nothing but pompous rich family brats who wouldn’t take the cultivation path seriously…
So I took in people who reminded me of myself, street rats with the burning desire to survive, children of prostitutes, and abandoned ones with no real family. It wasn’t for charity or to collect good karma, but a truly selfish decision for my personal comfort. It was more bearable seeing them eye to eye when they reflected my same light.
Since I became Peak Lord, I went down to the brothel a few more times.
The first was because an urgent letter came from the madam: Yī-Jie had just given birth to a little girl.
She was a minuscule creature, she laid in my palms wrinkly and red, and looked exactly like her mother, who asked me to name her.
So I did my best. “Ning Yingying” as in “peaceful” and the combination of her mother’s name, written differently as in “beautiful”, plus the character for “sparkling”, so that her future would be prosperous.
Yī-Jie knew she wouldn’t survive for much longer after such a difficult delivery, so I promised her that the little one would have a home on Qing Jing Peak. She was content with that and I often checked on her.
She died when Yingying was only a few months old. Luckily, Yingying had her aunts and her Èr-yi who took care of her until 5 years of age, then I brought her in as my youngest disciple.
My last visit to the brothel happened after a very bad qi deviation. I had tried to overcome a heart demon to fix a cracked part of my golden core, but it only brought me more misery.
Even if I was exhausted and hurting, I flew down the mountains in search of the comfort of my jiejies.
And there I made my fateful encounter.
He was short, skinny but not unhealthy, round green eyes, just like mine, a trait that I shared with my mother.
He was sitting by the low table in a room I usually booked.
I remember how he looked at me, so innocent and hopeful, he still didn’t know how horrid human being I really was.
He told me a long, convoluted story. I didn’t believe him at first, I didn’t want to believe him.
My birth mother hadn’t died after she sold me, not for a while at least. She too had been taken by the traders and sold to someone. She later fell pregnant again. From what he had been told, she ran away just in time to give birth and surrender her new child to a brothel worker who had recently lost hers, she later died as well.
The little beastling even brought with him a blood talisman that would show any eventual kinship between us.
Useless, because just looking at him I knew, but I didn’t care. With some awful words, I kicked him out, then collapsed on the bed and didn’t wake up until sunrise.
When I awoke, the beastling had already gone. I could have thought he was just a hallucination if the madam hadn’t scolded me about my behavior towards him.
A few months later, one of my older disciples presented a new series of bestiaries who had become the new talk of the cultivation world for the quality of information and illustrations. Just one thing shocked me: the pen name of the author, Juéshì Huángguā (peerless cucumber). I almost had another qi deviation reading such a name.
But I guess fate does indeed hate me because, after a few days, I met again my little beastling brother.
I was on a mission with two other peak lords Liu Qingge and Ruan Qingruan. My presence wasn't actually needed but Yue Qingyuan was cautious: Liu Qingge was a brute who always dove into danger without any strategy, while Ruan Qingruan’s cultivation worked only if he was in a state of inebriation.
Surprisingly, the mission was going well. The demonic beast we were about to slay ate a special berry that would ferment in its stomach and when extracted it would make a really powerful multi-purpose magical wine. For the other parts we needed to dissect them gently, otherwise, they would break and all the resources would be lost. That is why we needed a plan, so here I was.
The plan was to attract the supernatural animal in a trap and then behead it by a single strike.
It all fell apart when the brute decided to go head-first onto the beast because he thought my way of killing was “dishonorable”, which led the Three-horned-Elephant-Butterfly to go haywire and attack us with all its might.
But before it could trample me over, someone pushed me away putting himself in harm’s way.
I was horrified, after so many years of living wrapped in my own self, full of hatred and distrust, I swear I could hear my heart stopping and falling to my feet. Such a raw emotion of fear had been so great that almost paralyzed me.
A-Yuan, a non-cultivator, a barely 12-year-old boy, almost died, trying needlessly to save his long lost older, unworthy, brother who just a few months prior had treated him so harshly.
For the first time in decades… I cried, I cried holding the only family I had left.
I didn’t speak until we reached Qian Cao Peak where the only words I could say to Mu-shixiong were “Save him”.
I didn’t leave his side until he regained consciousness, my foolish little brother.
I gently patted his head, his hair was short and messy, I didn’t know if I had any robes that would fit him, but small matter. I’ll just order some more, fit for someone of his status.
After that A-Yuan became the sun of my life, even destiny couldn’t do much other than obey his will.
Those strained and hurtful relationships with my martial siblings smoothed over as if we never had any problems. With him near I could sleep peacefully at night, almost as if I went back in time, when I could cuddle up to Qi-ge, my nightmares and heart demons became a laughable problem to what could have happened if A-Yuan never woke up.
I may no longer have my Qi-ge, but A-Yuan was more than enough.
The children adored him, and Ning Yingying was ecstatic to have a new big brother (uncle?).
A-Yuan had the patience and love I could not show my disciples. He studied and learnt quickly and at just 15 years old he was more than ready to be selected as head disciple and teacher for the younger ones.
7 years before I lost everything, Shen Qingqiu POV:
At the annual disciple selection process Ning Yingying begged me to find a younger shijie or shidi since she was tired of being the “baby" of the Peak. The cheerful girl walked up and down the path leading to the entrance of the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, holding hands with her favorite shixiong, her round pigtails bouncing at every step.
This year around we decided that the trial would consist of the applicants digging holes, not the smartest idea, but it would give hope to the ones without any previous knowledge or preparation to be recognized.
While we wait the other Peak Lords approach us, some willing to do small talk, others just to share the latest news.
Yue Qingyuan is still insistent as ever, with a new gaudish gift for me and A-Yuan. That stupid hopeless man…
Not even a few hours in Ning Yingying came running up holding the sleeve of a… ball of fluff? No, that was just the head of the little boy, covered in dirt.
At the pitiful sight, A-Yuan gasped and started to try, and failing, at cleaning the beastling's face with a handkerchief.
The little beast burst into flames, his plump cheeks, ears, and neck were red as a berry, I chuckled in amusement behind my fan.
After assessing his spiritual veins, and noting his abundant qi reserves, I formally accepted him and motioned him to follow me.
The ritual is as old as the Sect itself, it consists of preparing tea and offering it to your Shizun, who would later drink a sip just to dump it on your head.
Usually, the tea is scalding hot, but A-yuan commented on the absurdity of it, so to stall for time I always end up asking a few questions so that the liquid is just warm.
I always have to contain myself seeing the expression these little beasts always make after I dump it.
Still, the tea chosen is always a medical blend so it would just make them healthier.
After that, I wouldn’t see the little beast for a while, since now A-Yuan has completely taken over the classes. I just do seminars for the older ones.
It’s a lot better this way so I can focus on my work as the Sect strategist and tactician, with also all of the paperwork it comes along with. I help Shang Qinghua e Zhangmen-shixiong with theirs, I also prepare the necessary information and tactics that Bai Zhan Peak needs so that casualties and damages are reduced to a minimum.
Thanks to A-yuan’s extra help I was also able to check and refurnish the library more efficiently, which led to a better import and export of information between sects that also boosted the sects' funds and economy.
The following year A-yuan participated in the Immortal Alliance conference as a recognised scholar and head disciple at 22 y/o. I can see all of the eyes that are on him, especially considering the conference of the years prior, his first, where he completely disregarded gaining points in favor of studying the beasts and helping his fellow martial siblings defeat them. That landed him in fifth place, but I couldn’t help but smile at him, proud of his achievement.
This time around A-Yuan brought along all of his little beasts, I recognized some faces and two distinct sets of heads, one with looping pigtails and the other a mane of hair divided in soft curls.
Apparently, the littlest one is as sticky as it appeared the first time I saw him, almost on the verge of tears begging “Yuan-ge” to not get hurt.
It seems that A-Yuan has been spoiling the little beast… but at the time I still trusted his judgment so I turned my head around, interested to see the rest of the assembly.
I could see the usual faces and regrettably, even Lao Gongzhu, the old palace master of Huan Hua, the old coot had always made my skin crawl, from when Su Xian had still been alive I would bet the old bastard would still look at her with lovesick eyes…
At that time I should have had enough mind and focus to see how much Lou Binghe resembled the ex-head disciple of Haun Hua, I shouldn’t have missed those awful eyes zeroing on the figure of the little beast.
Still, as expected, A-Yuan did wonderfully, this time reaching third place.
4 years before I lost everything, Shen Qingqiu POV:
The Ling Xi Caves are a mysterious and oftentimes dangerous place, the amount of natural ambient qi for many could be deadly. What I did not expect was getting attacked by a delirious, qi-deviating martial sibling.
I’m sure that if I hadn’t reached internal stability and reconstructed my golden core I wouldn’t have been able to save Liu Qingge.
After that incident, the brute started leaving monster carcasses on my porch.
At least A-yuan is delighted by them, and I have to admit that the little beast was an exceptional cook.
The day where I lost everything, Shen Qingqiu POV:
…
This was supposed to be the A-yuan’s third Conference, this was supposed to be the year where my didi reached the top, at 29 years he had blossomed into a wonderful person!
To this day I pray and pray to the heavens begging them for an answer.
…
Why my Shen-yuan? Why after making me suffer so much after rewarding me by giving him to me? And why then steal him away from me so soon??
I should have known better, I should have prepared him better!
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!
…ah,
ahhahHHaAHAHAHAAaAaaaaAAAAAHAHHHHHAAH!!!
A-Yuan,
A-Yuan,
A-Yuan,
What will this gege of yours do without you???
…
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