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LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
July 3, 12:00 PM EDT
Bruce, Selina, Alfred, Barbara, Cassandra, Dick, Jason, Stephanie, Damian, Titus, and Selina’s cats Holly and Maggie, all proceed to file out of the jet.
“Dick it’s cool, they’re getting me a ramp!”
“Barbara please, I'm better than any ramp you’ll ever use in your entire life”, Dick responded as he continued to carry her bridal-style down the steps.
“Father I demand we locate a restaurant immediately! Titus requires nutrition.”
“He can eat when we get to the compound, Dami. I’m not going to get charged by the rental service because they can’t get the stench of dog shit out of the town car.”
Steph was piggybacking on Cass when she patted down her hoodie pocket. “Dude, did you eat my peanuts while I was asleep?”
“…”
“Cass!”
“Please watch your peanuts next time.”
Selina handed Maggie over to Alfred and slipped on her black Chanel sunglasses. “This sun is ridiculous”, she grumbled, adjusting her matching wide brimmed hat.
“Might I suggest sporting a colour a bit lighter than black to ebb your frustration, Miss Kyle?”
“Alfie that’s like telling you not to eavesdrop on Bruce’s conference calls.”
“What an absurd notion, I absolutely resent you for assuming such nonsense.”
“Uh-huh. Let's dish later over tea about that senator who wouldn’t dare launder wildlife funds to pay for his chin-lift.”
They giggled like a pair of vile high schoolers.
“Excellent. I assume Alfred will be serving the tea?”, Bruce called twenty-feet away from them.
“Killjoy”, they muttered.
Parked below for the Wayne’s arrival, an array of departure transportation stood arranged them in waiting. There was a bright yellow jeep obviously chosen by Dick for him and Barbara, an Escalade ESV to fit the rest of the family, and the Lincoln town car that would follow behind to escort all extra luggage and beloved pets.
An airport personnel opened the passenger door of the ESV for Selina. “Always a pleasure to be of service, Mrs. Wayne.”
“It’s Kyle”, she spat, handing him a hissing Holly. “Hon.”
“Of course, my sincere apologizes Mrs. Kyle”, the personnel nodded, a bit confused as he eyed her not-too-conspicuously-sized diamond wedding ring.
She rolled her eyes and pushed the seat back. Her glare roved protectively over the cat until the personnel handed her over to Alfred-
Where were Tim and Jason?
Titus angrily started barking back at the jet, pulling his leash straight.
"HEY B!”, she heard Jason scream.
She got back out.
There he stood; perched from the very top of the black Global Express XRS’s vertical stabilizer with one hand on his hip and the other pointing at another private jet across the lot letting it’s passengers off. “How come Beyoncé’s private jet is bigger than ours?”
“JASON!!!”
“BEYONCÉ!!!”, Stephanie, Cass, Dick, and Barbara all screamed and went running.
“Jason honey stay like that”, Selina called, holding up her phone to take a picture. “Don’t move! I want to get Bruce in there too.”
“Wait! I want to be in it too”, Dick yelled and ran back in the other direction to Bruce with Barbara still in his arms.
Stephanie jumped back onto Cass and Cass grabbed Alfred’s hand, dragging him over to everyone else.
“Oh Master Damian, don't be like your father”, Alfred insisted to the ten year old. Damian stood stubbornly outside the shot with his dog, sporting the same unhappy scowl and crossed arms as the paler, adult, six-foot-two version of himself.
“I’ll let that mutt ride with us if you get in”, Selina compromised.
“Hm…”
“Damian get in the damn picture”, Bruce snapped.
Damian shrugged in defeat and let the leash drop. “Seize Todd”, he commanded to the great dane- who promptly shot off to jump the low lying side-wing, teeth barred in red murder.
“Yo! Dami, tell him to fuck off!”
Damian contently settled at Dick’s side.
“SHIT. Selina, make Damian stop!”
“That’s cute honey. Okaay! 1, 2…”
Cass hugged Bruce. Steph fish-hooked Bruce’s mouth. Dick kissed Bruce’s cheek. Alfred patted Bruce’s head. Barbara held up the gold logo on her laptop of Bruce’s multi-billion dollar empire. Jason said he could see Bruce’s white hairs from up here. Titus scratched the black paint on the side of Bruce’s private jet. Damian grimaced with crossed arms while tapping his foot impatiently. Bruce also grimaced with crossed arms while tapping his foot impatiently.
"3!”
Everyone retreated.
“We’ll be at the compound for dinner!”, Barbara called.
“So”, Steph quickly trailed after her and Dick, hands held behind her back. Cass followed suit. “Where are you two going?”
“I heard LA has some funky little bookstores and I want go check them out”, Barbara said simply.
“What will you check out?”, Cass batted her eyes innocently at Dick.
“We’re also going to the beach”, Dick ignored her.
“But we own part of a beach”, Cass said. “And it is a very nice beach.”
“We’ll we want to go to an ugly beach.”
“Ooh-la-la, how romantic. Havefunonyourdate!”, Steph yelled and took off with Cass before they could deal with Dick and Barbara’s notorious ‘It’s not a date!’ nonsense.
While personnel unloaded and reloaded the family's luggage, the distant sounds of Damian and Jason screaming profanities at each other, that stupid dog's incessant barking, Alfred yelling in exasperation for order, and the girl's cackling all drifted off as Bruce went to go join Selina at the hood of the ESV. He examined the picture over her shoulder and hell he couldn’t help the quirk of a smile on his lips.
“We’ll laugh about this someday”, she said.
“I’m laughing right now.”
“Now if that isn’t the punchline of the century, sour-puss.”
“Hey, I’m smiling in this picture!”
“Oho that’s funny. When you don't sound actually damaged as hell you’re funny.”
“Anything to get a laugh out of you.”
She then issued the biggest, longest, most disgusted groan ever while burying her face in her hands. Bruce enveloped her into a hug and set his chin atop the black pixie-cut mess of her hair, inhaling with a rather pleased grin on his face.
“Ahem.”
They looked up. Their pilot saluted.
“G’ Afternoon, Mr. Wayne and Mrs. Kyle. As always, it’s a pleasure to fly for you both and the rest of the entourage”, he chuckled.
“Pleasure’s ours, Hal. Is there a problem?”
“Not at all, just came by to inform you both that we’ll be docking her up in the garage shortly and a reminder that I’m ready to depart when you guys are.”
“Thanks, Hal, we appreciate it”, Selina nodded.
“Oh!”, he added. “And the little one’s still sleeping in the charter like a log. You guys want to get him out or-?”
“TIM.” “TIM.”
They sprinted back to the jet, fortunate that Hal had instructed personnel to leave the stairs out. The luggage was all packed away and all Bruce wanted now was to just get everybody to the house and then take a long and peaceful nap with his wife.
“Stephanie, get in the car! Damian, get in the car! Alfred the town car is ready. Jason AND CASSANDRA GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW.”
“Hey B!”, Jason yelled. “Look what I can d-!”
“GET IN THE CAR!!”
“Selina, your husband’s yelling at me again!”
“Jason shut the fuck up and get in the damn car before I strap you to the hood”, she snapped.
“Really? Yes!”
“Me too!”, Cass argued.
Selina and Bruce hid from their children inside the jet.
Tim was still in the very back of the charter, curled up uncomfortably in the same chair he’d reclined in when they’d departed from Gotham. What was odd was that he’d persisted in staying there when there were plenty of sizable, luxuriously plush couches meant for actual sleep in the front.
Then again, Tim was always an odd kid.
Selina ruffled his long bangs. Tim awoke with a sharp inhale, then adjusted.
“We’re here, kitten.”
“Okay”, Tim confirmed, eyes unfocused. Without another word he got up and walked forward like he knew where he was going.
Bruce watched him go, running his fingers through his hair. He then slumped down onto an ottoman and hung his head, exhaling out in a huff.
“I forgot about him too” Selina said quietly. “We all did.” Bruce wasn’t listening. She kneeled down and put her hands on his cheeks to force him to look at her. “Hey. I know you’re flipping out right now. But buddy, you’ve got to admit you look after one hell of freak-show. And there’s a lot of them too- and they come with friends. At the end of the day, wrangling all of them into the ninety-thousand dollar clown car is an accomplishment most people wouldn’t care to deal with.”
“So you’re saying that there would actually be a person who is, in fact, more equipped and more enthused to deal with a hoard of really fucking weird kids than me?”
“Of course. And when I find this batshit crazy fuck I’m going to leave you for them”, she replied, kissing his forehead.
Bruce raised his brow and shook his head in disbelief. Then a quiet chuckle escaped his lips.
“There. Now that’s a laugh.”
She then took his hand and lifted him up. And like the absolutely embarrassing person he was, Bruce responded by taking her gently by the nape of her neck and pulling her in for a kiss; a desperate thank you he could only articulate best like this.
Then they walked.
“I don’t have another one hanging around in here do I?”, Bruce looked around.
“No, no. Just the ones on the roof.”