Work Text:
Fifteen seconds
It took less than a minute for Mr Collins to transfer his matrimonial hopes from the eldest Miss Bennet to the second eldest. Miss Elizabeth was nearly as handsome as her sister and, her mother assured him, entirely unattached. Mr Collins required no more; one sister, he presumed, would do as well as the other. The transition was painless and quick, done while Mrs Bennet was stirring the fire.
Nothing now remained for Mr Collins to do but to begin his campaign to win his lady’s hand. He trusted it would not be overly difficult – his prospects, after all, were very fine indeed. Still, he meant to observe all the proper forms, as befitted a man of the cloth. Casting his mind back to what he had seen of his fair cousin the previous evening, he settled down to compose a series of delicate compliments, to be presented as opportunity arose.
Fifteen minutes
If there was any benefit to having one’s offer of marriage rejected, it was the opportunity to refine one’s speech before the next attempt. Mr Collins flattered himself that the additions he had made between his first and second proposal were a marked improvement – perhaps even crucial to his success.
Miss Lucas’s acceptance was rather more succinct, but he did not let it lessen his feeling of triumph. Within a quarter of an hour of encountering her in the lane, Mr Collins could count himself a most satisfactorily engaged man.
Fifteen hours
It was an act of great self-denial to dine with the Bennets without dropping the least hint of his engagement. Still, despite being sorely tempted, Mr Collins kept his promise throughout his last evening at Longbourn. If Miss Lucas wished to apprise her friends of her good fortune in person, he would nobly grant her wish. Elegant females, he gathered, put particular importance on the manner in which these sorts of confidences were imparted. Let it not be said that Mr Collins was insensitive to such subtleties!
He did, however, indulge himself so far as to imagine his cousin Elizabeth’s reaction to the news. In fifteen hours or so, he calculated, she would discover that Miss Lucas had not thought herself too fine for Hunsford parsonage. Perhaps that would open his cousin’s eyes to what an opportunity she had thrown away. Well, let her live with her regrets – he had no cause to repine.
Fifteen days
Mr Collins returned from his travels too late in the evening to call on his noble patroness. He consoled himself with the reflection that a good night’s sleep would allow him to order his mind so that he might describe Miss Lucas’s amiable qualities to the best advantage. In little more than half a day, after the Sunday service, he would have the honour of personally informing Lady Catherine of his impending marriage.
It had been but a fortnight and a day since he had last dined at Rosings – but what a difference such a short time could make! He had set off to find himself a bride, and despite one or two false starts, he had completed his quest. Lady Catherine, he was sure, would approve of such decisive action. Still, he decided, it would perhaps be prudent to omit Miss Elizabeth from his account.
Fifteen months
Mr Collins’s first son was born some fifteen months after his wedding. Mr Collins approached the occasion with all due solemnity, taking scrupulous notes on all the advice that Lady Catherine dispensed on the outfitting of the birthing-chamber and the preparations that his dear Charlotte ought to undertake before her confinement. Mrs Collins, after a few particularly trying lectures on the subject, found it prudent to encourage his gardening with even more enthusiasm than usual.
Still, when his son was placed in his arms at last, even Mr Collins found himself lost for words. Sadly, this improvement was not permanent, and at length his wife was obliged to cut his raptures short by sending him off to Rosings with his glad tidings.
Young William’s three siblings followed at a more sedate pace, at intervals of three or four years. Mr Collins did not greatly mind the infrequency of their arrivals. As long as Mr Bennet remained in good health, the family must be supported on the income of his living, which while comfortable was not extravagant.
Lady Catherine looked upon the growing family with benevolent condescension.
“You have done very well, Mr Collins, to supply yourself with both sons and daughters, without an excess of either. One must limit one’s family to one’s means – though where the means exist, there can be no need for unnecessary restraint. If Sir Lewis had lived longer, I am sure we would have managed a dozen children at least!”
Fifteen years
After seven-and-twenty years at Hunsford, Mr Collins’s patience was rewarded: he came into his long-awaited inheritance at last. Not that he forgot himself in any undignified display, of course – on the contrary, Mr Collins made a point of scrupulously observing all the proprieties. He wore his black armband for the expected period of time, wrote ponderous letters of consolation to the former Miss Bennets and assured all his new neighbours in Meryton that he would have wished his cousin to live for many years yet.
If his wait had been longer than expected, his tenure as master of Longbourn proved to be shorter. Fifteen years proved to be all the time Mr Collins had been allotted as landlord and estate owner – not so brief a period as to seem tragically unjust, but certainly less than he had imagined as a young man of five-and-twenty.
However, readers may draw some consolation from the fact that his wife survived him for another fifteen years. Mrs Collins, amply consoled by her children and grandchildren, bore her loss with admirable equanimity. Some might even have suspected – though no one was crude enough to say it aloud – that she enjoyed her widowhood rather better than her marriage.