Archive of Our Own ^beta

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

Although really, Soobin should’ve expected it. Wasn’t like a whole lot in his life was going right lately…

Alright, that was unfair to say. He was being overly dramatic. Maybe it was just the weather making him feel that way, moody and defeated and admittedly emo. Rainy days had that effect on him.

Rainy days when it was supposed to be clear skies and sunshine so he and his friends could skate made it a lil worse.

Rainy days when it was supposed to be clear skies and sunshine so he and his friends could skate that started out as clear skies and sunshine only for the heavens to open up in a sudden torrential downpour practically the moment he’d arrived at the skatepark, forcing him to take shelter in the car of the one friend he really didn’t wanna be alone with…

Worst thing ever.

Soobin kept his eyes trained out the back window, as though he could even see anything past the drops on the glass or the curtain of water pouring from the sky, like the station wagon was stuck under a waterfall. He supposed he should be grateful for the shelter, that he didn’t have to hide out in the public bathroom or skate his way back home. Sure, it was the most awkward situation Soobin had ever been forced to endure in the entirety of his eighteen years of existence–which was saying something, considering Soobin was pretty much awkward personified–but it beat getting sick.

He was pretty sure he wasn’t gonna get sick anyway. They’d been lucky that the trunk of the station wagon was already open when the sky suddenly turned black out of nowhere and buckets of rain suddenly dumped down on them. He was also lucky that the owner of the car was mature and confident and comfortable enough to let Soobin ride out the storm with him, despite the uneasy tension between them.

Peeking out the corner of his eye, he chanced a quick glance at Yeonjun, childhood best friend, owner of the station wagon, and the Omega that Soobin had confessed his feelings to a little over a week prior. Unrequited feelings, to be exact. Not that Soobin didn’t already have a pretty good idea his love was one-sided and although it fucking sucked having it confirmed, it was his own fault for letting his other friends convince him to tell Yeonjun how he felt. He’d spent the past week moping in bed before deciding he was only adding to his idiocy and when Beomgyu suggested a skatepark meetup of the whole group, he jumped at the chance to regain some normalcy.

Except then, the universe decided to punish him for his terrible decisions and sent a flood to wash him away or something.

Yeah, his thoughts weren’t making a whole lotta sense. He was thinking anything really to avoid having to take stock of how shitty his current situation was.

Really though, he was feeling bad for Yeonjun. HueningKai had let it slip to Soobin that the elder Omega hadn’t been hanging out with them either and Soobin figured it was to avoid the discomfort of seeing the lovesick Alpha he’d rejected. Now, he was stuck with said lovesick Alpha in his car, too nice to tell Soobin to get lost and find his own place to wait out the rain.

“Soobin-ah.”

The sound of his name made him jolt, head snapping to his hyung. Yeonjun, with his fox-like eyes, sharp cat-like features, those plush lips. His black hair was long enough to tuck behind his ears now, styled with an undercut as a way to beat the summer heat. His brow was furrowed in concern and Soobin’s attention was drawn to the X shaved into the right one, something Yeonjun did because he thought it made him look cooler, tougher, not like the frail stereotypes surrounding his dynamic. Soobin had told him at the time that he’d always thought Yeonjun was cool and tough and the smile he'd gotten in return had made his chest warm and fuzzy for a week.

Now, there were no smiles, no warmth, no fuzzy feelings. Just an awkward tension that could be cut with one of Gyu’s pocket knives and that damn concerned expression on Yeonjun’s face that said Soobin was giving everything away.

“I’m fine,” he lied far too easily, relying on old habits of hiding his true feelings from Yeonjun.

The concern shifted to skepticism with the rise of a single brow, Yeonjun’s scent shifting with it, the usually sweet maple sugar turning bitter. “You’re fine?” he repeated flatly, dubious tone like that pocket knife had shifted its attentioned and been thrust into Soobin’s gut.

Yet despite the guilt, Soobin nodded, shrugging a shoulder casually, like his world hadn’t crashed down on them days before and he was still struggling to learn how to remain upright with the weight now pressing down on them. “Yeah. Fine.”

Yeonjun scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You don’t smell fine.”

Soobin turned away sharply, gave another shrug, gestured out the back window at the still pouring precipitation. “S’raining,” he offered uselessly, dangling his arms off his upright knees and pretending acid wasn’t churning in his gut from the deception, that the intensity of Yeonjun’s narrow eyed stare wasn’t making him wanna squirm and confess like a criminal under an interrogatory spotlight.

A noncommittal hum was let out and to anyone else, it would’ve sounded as though Yeonjun was believing, was accepting his explanation. But Soobin knew better, knew that sound meant he was basically allowing the other person to lie to him because he himself knew better.

It was proven when, after turning his head to stare out the back window, Yeonjun sniffed, nose in the air almost haughtily.

“Gotta say it’s a lil disappointing. Hurtful even,” Yeonjun began, tone as pouty as those full lips, and despite knowing he was playing it up for effect, Soobin still felt that guilty acid churning even faster in his stomach over his lie. “I mean, I rejected you the other day, yet you’re perfectly fine being stuck in a car with me. Meanwhile, I feel like my heart’s gonna jump out my throat and go pull a ten-eighty on the halfpipe.”

It was a low blow and Soobin winced at the embarrassment over his being turned down, only for the heat in his ears to stoke a burning sense of anger instead. His fingers curled into fists, trimmed nails digging into the flesh of his palms, and he let the sting remind him to remain calm, civil. After all, he was only able to wait out the rain in the station wagon’s shelter because Yeonjun was gracious enough to set aside his own feelings of discomfort to allow Soobin to stay there. If he snapped, got into a fight, did anything to make that tension worse, he knew he’d be finding himself in that torrential downpour between one heartbeat and the next.

Still, Yeonjun knew better than to play with his feelings like that, should’ve known better than to be so flippant regarding how serious Soobin had been, how hurt he still was. If the Omega could smell how not fine he was, knew he was lying about the rain being the cause, then he could also figure out the real reasons for his upset. Hell, he had even hinted at it. Which was why the playful tone hurt so much, why Soobin felt worse now than when he’d confessed and was rejected.

“Are my feelings a joke to you?” he asked quietly, letting out a single huff of a dubious laugh. “I get that you don’t see me in the same way or care about me the way I care about you, but I never thought you’d be so cruel as to use them to fuel your own ego or make light of my hurt. That’s fucked up, Yeonjun.”

Shit, okay, he’d blown it anyway, had let his anger get the best of him and made things even more awkward, despite not raising his voice above a casual conversational level. Because now Yeonjun’s scent was salty with upset over Soobin’s rude tone, snappy words, and the blatant absence of any honorifics. His eyes were turned down at the corners, playful pout now more genuine, his expression tugging at Alpha instincts that were now yelling at him to soothe a hurt Omega, make it all better.

That acidic guilt churned more, rougher, splashing up into his esophagus and burning in his chest.

“Binnie,” Yeonjun murmured, apologetic and barely audible. His hand reached for the back of Soobin’s head, to play with his hair, to give comforting scratches the same way he always did, the same way that would scratch some happy part of his brain and make tingles break out all over his skin and butterflies flutter on his insides.

But he wasn’t in the mood for any of that, wasn’t in the mood to be touched by Yeonjun, so he swatted the elder’s hand away before he could make contact. The hurt on Yeonjun's face deepened into harsh lines between his brows, head falling to stare at the hands now resting on his lap.

Shit again.

The inside of the car felt stifling and Soobin struggled to breath, struggled to get clean oxygen into his shaky lungs. All he could smell was Yeonjun, was the Omega’s upset and his own, burning in his nose and causing him to feel even more ill than before.

He needed out. He didn’t care that it was still raining, that he was probably gonna become truly sick from trying to seek shelter elsewhere. He just wanted to get away, away from the hurt, away from the upset, away from the anger, away from Yeonjun.

Scooting forward, Soobin reached for the latch on the trunk door, only to be stopped by the cry of his name and a hand clamping down on his shoulder. He turned his head to find Yeonjun up on his knees, ready to lunge forward and use his whole body to stop him, eyes wide with desperation and fear and Soobin… damn him, but Soobin was still weak to him, still felt that Alpha need to fix whatever was wrong with the Omega.

“I’m sorry,” Yeonjun’s voice cracked on the word, his eyes watery, and Soobin knew the apology was sincere.

But it was a band-aid over a bullet hole, the hurt over the entire situation too deep to be fixed with a couple words, no matter how much Yeonjun meant them. So Soobin just nodded, then nudged away Yeonjun’s hand where it was still clinging onto his shoulders, fingers curled like claws and digging into his blink182 tee, before turning back to the door.

“Wait!”

Once again, Soobin paused and switched his attention back to the other man, the desperation so thick in his voice that it was damn near impossible to ignore.

Despite the tears brimming in his eyes, Yeonjun still wore a lopsided smirk, still let out a small chuckle, and Soobin realized he was posturing, that his comments truly weren’t intended to hurt but to try and lighten a heavy mood. Granted Soobin figured there were certain things one really shouldn’t make light of and he’d thought Yeonjun knew that, too, but now…

The smile was shaky, faltering, Yeonjun barely able to keep eye contact as his scent gave away his anxiety. The sight of his hyung being nervous triggered the same reaction in Soobin, his skin prickling with unease.

“All these years of being best friends and you still can’t tell when I’m lying to you?”

The random statement had Soobin’s brow furrowing as confusion fogged his mind. All he could think was that Yeonjun had lied regarding his disappointment that Soobin wasn’t upset over being rejected, but that didn’t make sense. Or at least to him it didn’t. Who knew how Yeonjun’s mind worked?

Once upon a time, Soobin thought he had. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

“What are you talking about?”

Yeonjun let out another nervous laugh, eyes now focused out the side window, hands rubbing over his thighs as he sat with his legs tucked under himself. “You’re really gonna make me say it, huh?”

Soobin turned, sat on his butt, legs folded in front of himself. “Yeah. I am.”

A shaky breath, Yeonjun still not looking at him as he ran his hand through his hair. Long seconds passed, nothing but the staccato of the rain on the car roof and windows, a rumble of thunder somewhere in the distance. The silence between them felt like a third person, the tension palpable, and Soobin felt himself slowly losing his mind with each rapidly pounding beat of his heart. He wanted to yell at Yeonjun to just get on with it. He wanted to open the door and run away. He wanted to have a screaming, sobbing meltdown.

He stayed still and silent.

Until finally…

“I’m in love with you, too.”

Soobin stared. Blinked. Stared more.

Thunder rumbled. A gust of wind knocked a huge burst of rain against the window violently.

Yeonjun reeked of anxiety, fingers picking at where they’d used superglue to patch up the skinned heel of his palm, eyes downcast. He was telling the truth. He was in love with Soobin.

Soobin, who felt like he’d been hit by a tidal wave and dragged out to sea, caught in the undercurrent and tossed around until he had no idea which way to go, which way was up, which way was home. He struggled to make sense of it all, to make sense of Yeonjun’s feelings, of the fact that he was either lying in that moment, or had lied the week before during Soobin’s initial confession.

When Yeonjun finally raised his head and Soobin got a look at the vulnerability and fear in his eyes, he knew the answer.

“Why did you tell me you didn’t see me that way?” Soobin asked, barely a murmur, barely heard over the pounding of his heart and of the rain. Everything felt tight, wrong, weird, eyes stinging even though he was pretty sure he’d drained all his tears the past few days. “You let me think you didn’t love me like that, that it was all one-sided.”

Yeonjun ducked his head again, sniffing, and swiped at his cheek in a way that meant he didn’t want anyone to know he was crying–as if the saltiness in his scent didn’t already give him away. Soobin balled his hands into fists and shoved them into the bowl made by his legs, physically restraining himself from reaching out and gently wiping away those tears just as he had so many times before.

“I didn’t want you to know,” Yeonjun admitted lowly, twanging at Soobin’s heart.

The Alpha let out a sardonic laugh, scoffed a “no shit” that made the other man grimace and flinch at his tone, shoulders hunching up to his ears to protect his neck. But Soobin refused to let himself feel bad, feel guilty, not when Yeonjun had lied about something so big, so important, that it left him bedridden with heartbreak and depression for a week.

And now, there they were, stuck in that car together, awkward and tense in a way they never had been before.

“Why?”

It was a simple word, one syllable, three letters, one of the basic ones that was learned when initially developing language skills. Yet in that moment, it held a thousand things, a thousand other questions. WIth the way Yeonjun winced once again, it was clear he heard and understood every single one.

“It was easier.”

Soobin let out another mirthless laugh, shaking his head in disbelief as he turned to look out the back window. Getting drenched and sick in the storm sounded more and more appealing with every statement that came out Yeonjun’s mouth.

Yeonjun let out a scoff of his own and threw his hands in the air in exasperation. “Soobin, I leave for uni in a few weeks. What good would it do to start a relationship now?”

“Right. Because long distance relationships don’t exist, don’t work,” Soobin spat with a sneer, heart now pounding in agitation.

“I didn’t wanna put you through that.”

“That’s not your choice to make!” Soobin’s voice echoed in the car, louder than the thunder outside and making Yeonjun curl in on himself. “I’m a big boy now, I can make my own decisions, figure out what’s right for me and what I’m willing to risk. I understand you’re my hyung, but I don’t need you to protect me from a potential difficulty, especially not if it means you end up doing more damage to me instead.”

Silence descended once more, Soobin’s words hanging in the air, punctuated by the still raging storm outside. Yeonjun had fallen onto his butt at some point, legs hugged to his chest, chin on his knees. He still wasn’t looking at Soobin, scent saltier than ever, sniffing loudly.

Triple shit.

Soobin really hadn’t meant to upset him. He was still hurting personally, from the rejection and now the revelation of a lie, and while he was pissed at Yeonjun’s actions, he wasn’t pissed at Yeonjun himself. He knew the older man was doing what he thought was best, his anxiety probably telling him all the ways things could go wrong should they try dating long distance and it didn’t work out. A break up would be ugly and potentially ruin their friendship–and their friend group as a whole–versus a soft letdown now and the ability to regain normalcy by the time Yeonjun left for school.

He understood the logic, truly. He just didn’t agree with it.

But that didn’t mean Yeonjun deserved to have Soobin lay into him so harshly.

Taking a deep breath, Soobin readied himself to apologize, only to be cut off by Yeonjun’s quiet “you’re right”.

Soobin shut his mouth, stunned silent and at a loss for words, something that never really happened between the two of them. Sure, they had silence, moments where conversation ceased and the two of them simply existed together, but it had always been comfortable, comforting, cozy. It was never awkward, nerve-wracking, tense, the way it had been that afternoon in that car.

“You’re right,” Yeonjun repeated, head upright, voice a little louder and stronger. “I shouldn’t have taken that choice away from you. We should’ve talked it out and made a decision together. I’m sorry.”

The upset and irritation that had been burning in his chest died down to embers and Soobin deflated, like a hot air balloon whose flames had been cut off. He felt his fingers unfurl from those fists, felt his body relax from that tension, felt his heart slow to a more normal pace. He took a deep breath, blew it out through his lips, releasing the hurt with it.

“Okay,” he replied, sweeping a hand through his own black hair before gesturing to Yeonjun with an open palm. “So let’s talk.”

Yeonjun raised his eyebrows, surprised for some reason. Maybe he expected Soobin to hold on to the anger, form a grudge, continue on out the car and never speak to him again. And if it was anyone else, Soobin probably would’ve done exactly that. But just as Superman had his Kryptonite, Soobin had Yeonjun as his weakness, rendering him powerless and unable to move.

“Now?”

Soobin nodded, then scooted back over so he was resting against the back of the rear seat. “Why not?” he said with a smirk, tipping his chin to draw attention out the back window. “We got time. Who knows how long this storm will last and we both know you hate driving in the rain.”

“And you’re a shit driver, regardless of the weather,” Yeonjun grinned, showing his words had no bite, that it was pure friendly teasing as it always had been between them.

Not that Soobin was all that offended by a very reasonable and indisputable fact. Despite getting his license two years ago, he tended to still just skateboard or bike wherever he wanted to go and if the weather was too cold or rainy, Yeonjun was always there to give him a ride. Meaning Soobin wasn’t all that practiced with his driving, was good enough to get said license and not crash on the rare occasions he was forced behind the wheel.

So he let out a laugh, grinning as he voiced his agreement.

Thunder crashed, a flash of lightning joining this time, and it felt like the atmosphere in the car had somehow been reset. The two of them let go of the tension between them, inside them, Soobin slumping comfortably as Yeonjun shifted to rest against the back of the seat, legs outstretched as they mirrored one another. It almost felt normal, almost felt like old times, except for the major secrets that had been unveiled.

“I meant it by the way,” Soobin began, eyes locked on where his fingers were picking at the loose threads surrounding the hole he’d ripped in the knee of his jeans a month before. “I love you. I’m in love with you. And I wanna be in, like, a full fledged relationship with you, regardless of you leaving. ‘Cause I’m pretty sure you’re it for me. Like, I know I’m young, know we’re both young, but I’ve had this feeling for years, like the Alpha part of me knows we’re meant to be, that you’re my Mate. If you’ll let me be yours.”

It was the speech he wished he could’ve said a week prior, not the pathetic “hyung, I love you, please go out with me” he’d barely managed to blurt out. He wasn’t sure if it would’ve changed the outcome, not after what Yeonjun had admitted moments ago, but he could’ve at least spent the past few days consoling himself with the belief that he’d given it his best shot and said all he wanted to say.

Soobin watched Yeonjun’s hand enter his line of sight, watched his fingers trace the inside of his wrist, skirt up his palm, then intertwine with the younger boy’s. A smile formed on Soobin’s face as hope bloomed in his chest, feeling his pulse thrumming in his wrist as it pressed against Yeonjun’s. Tearing his eyes away, he turned to find Yeonjun’s head leaning against the back of the seat, facing him with a small fond smile of his own.

“I’m in love with you, too,” Yeonjun finally admitted, swallowing before he continued. “And I’m pretty sure you’re my Alpha. I just was afraid to commit to something serious right before I left, but.” He paused, eyes flicking back and forth between Soobin’s as the Alpha held his breath. “But I realize now that it was kinda dumb. I mean, all I did was make us both miserable for a week. Plus I have a feeling you and me really are meant to be Mates so really the only risk is you missing me too much.”

Soobin sputtered, a crash of thunder backing up his indignation. “Bullshit. If anything, you’ll be missing me too much.”

Yeonjun scoffed and rolled his eyes, reaching over to flick his fingers over Soobin’s ear and mess with it. “No, it’s clearly gonna be Soobinnie being sad and lost and alone without his Yeonjunnie hyung.”

His eyes narrowed in annoyance before an idea formed in his head and a wicked grin formed on his face. “Okay. Fine. You win. You’re right.” He sighed, letting his head fall back against the seat, face to the ceiling and the brown splattered drops from when Taehyun’s soda can had exploded upon opening as he’d tried to adjust to his newly casted hand and forearm. “I’ll miss you too much because I love you more.”

That had Yeonjun bursting upright, scowl on his face that just made Soobin smirk victoriously. “Oh hell no!” the Omega objected loudly, swinging a leg over to straddle Soobin’s lap, hands raised and ready to–

But Soobin’s reflexes had been carefully honed over the years of Yeonjun pulling this same move and he quickly wrapped his own hands around Yeonjun’s thin wrists, easily holding them to the side.

Tickles evaded once more.

Yeonjun pouted, full lips made even full as he whined. “No fair.”

“Completely fair,” Soobin chuckled, eyes repeatedly flicking down to Yeonjun’s mouth. The position they were in was an all too familiar one, as was the idea burning in his brain, screaming and begging for him to indulge for once…

And then he realized… he could do it now…

With his grip still around Yeonjun’s wrists, he sat up straighter and pulled the Omega closer, until they were mere centimeters apart. That sweet maple syrup scent exploded, Yeonjun’s breath catching in his throat, their eyes locking together.

“This okay?” he whispered, barely loud enough to be heard over the rain still pelting against the glass.

“No,” Yeonjun murmured back, a teasing smirk curling his lips and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “You stopped.”

It was all the incentive Soobin needed to surge forward and close the gap, pressing their lips together in a way that felt both monumental and inevitable. Thunder rumbled so loud he could feel the car beneath him shake and lightning flashed so brightly he could see it behind his closed eyes, but all Soobin could focus on was how soft Yeonjun’s lips were, so much more plush than he’d imagined. Their scents swirled in the air, blending into something heady and intoxicating and addicting.

He needed more.

His hands released their hold on Yeonjun’s wrists in favor of splaying over his back, his large mitts covering the Omega’s lean frame and pulling him closer. Yeonjun crashed into him, slender fingers carding through Soobin’s hair, as their lips moved together the way they’d both been dreaming of.

Once again, Soobin felt like he’d been hit by a tidal wave and swept out to sea, only this time, he wasn’t tossed around, lost and confused. He had Yeonjun anchoring him, helping him ride whatever rough waves life was sure to send their way.