Chapter Text
It's been 383 days since it happened. 383 days of darkness. Of the unknown being all he knows.
The day had started out like any other checking on all the animals and then going to pick up a delivery. Roads were usually empty during that time of day; James knew the area quite well having lived on the farm all his life. He was just a few minutes from home when a car came speeding down the road. It had come out of nowhere. There wasn’t any way James could've stopped what was about to happen but still he spends every day riddled with guilt.
James may have lost his sight that day, but the other person lost their life.
There wasn’t really any hospital or clinic that had the resources to help him after the accident, so his parents made the decision for him to move into a larger city. That’s how he ended up here, in the middle of London, where the only person he knew was his regular nurse. Remus was very nice though; he was lucky to have him. Even if it was his job.
The first few months had been horrible, and James wasn’t sure how he’d get through it. But he managed, even making some more friends along the way. He started going on walks after getting his guide dog —Padfoot— a few months ago and he stumbled, like he literally stumbled, into the record store run by these two really cool people. It felt good to talk to more people. James had always been a very social person and this whole “taking it easy and resting” was getting real tiring.
The bright lights of the hospital were almost comforting like knowing he wasn’t 100% blind made it any better, he could still see bright lights. He sat and waited for Remus to come do his regular check-up.
He heard the door opening and heavy, steady footsteps that he recognized as Remus walked in.
“How’s my favourite patient doing today?” Remus's voice was close as he spoke.
James chuckled and shook his head. “Enough with the flattery Doctor Lupin, or I’ll think you're in love with me or something.” he joked.
“Remus,” he sighed. “I've told you a million times, we’re friends so please call me Remus. And I was actually talking to Pads.”
“Low blow doc. Now I’ll definitely keep calling you that,” James might be blind, but he could feel the stern look on his face “Alright, no more Doctor Lupin. And well I'm okay except for, you know... still being blind.” James joked again but the chuckle he let out was sad. But who could tell the difference?
He did the normal check-up, and everything was normal. Still blind, but at least no other complications and shit.
The warmth of the apartment welcomed James as they both stepped in. Or Padfoot more like sprinted in, James could hear the familiar sounds of him jumping onto the couch. He really couldn’t have gotten a better dog as his guide. His mum said Padfoot was cute, with his green eyes and soft, golden fur. The soft part James knew as well.
It was weird, how when you lose one sense it's like all the others start evolving to compensate. Like he could hear things and feel things a lot stronger than before. He always liked music but now it's like he needs it. Without being able to experience with his sight he has this need to hear and feel the music.
He grabbed some leftovers from the fridge and sat down to eat when soft piano music, so lovely started to play. He got up, walking around the apartment trying to find the source of this music. He ended up in his living room, standing with his ear pressed against the wall.
It came from his neighbour.
James didn’t know much about them. Apparently he keeps to himself most of the time. That was the first time he’d heard him play or make any sort of noise in general.
He couldn’t recognise the song, but it made him calm and comfortable. The neighbour continued to play until the sun was safely tucked away into the horizon.
James had spent the last month staying up late just to listen to his neighbour playing the piano. It was probably classified as an obsession at his point, but James enjoyed it so much he hadn't really stopped to think about it. Though that might have been by choice.
He wondered how many times he’d walked past him in the corridors without knowing. He wondered what he looked like. What his name was. How he looked when he played if he ever felt the urge to sing along. Though he also knew most of those things weren't even possible.
Shaking the thoughts out of his head he opened his front door. He sensed the familiar presence of Peter Pettigrew, his best friend, right before he enveloped him in a big hug. Pads must've felt left out as he came jumping onto their legs.
“You know, this reunion is really sweet but mind continuing inside?” James almost jumped out of his body.
“Lily?!” James almost yelled, getting so excited.
“And Mary!” he heard another familiar voice yell further away.
This was just what he needed.
It was getting late, and they were all pretty tired even though they’d all just spent the day hanging out in the apartment and talking.
Peter almost fell out of his seat as the music started. “Bloody hell,” he coughed out, having choked on his drink. “Where’s that coming from?”
“My neighbour,” James stated, simply. He could hear Lily starting to hum along as it continued. “You know the song?”
“Of course, Jamie,” she said.
“Yeah, Jamie. How daff can one be?” Mary teased and Lily and Peter chuckled, James blushed. “Something you want to share with the class, James?”
He couldn't help but smile. This stranger who he’d never spoken a word to, brought him more comfort than any other thing. James thought he should at least thank him.
“I have no idea what you might be referring to, Mary.” This only made them laugh more.
They continued talking like it hadn't been months since they last spoke, James did survive but part of him did die that day in that car.
^^^
Regulus Black thrives in the dark.
He falls into it and lets it absorb him. Hiding him from the world. He liked that he could hide within the shadows of the world. It’s like he melted into the background never to be found. He liked being lost.
Regulus Black also hated playing the piano.
Growing up his parents had forced him to take piano lessons from a young age. The teaching didn’t stay in the classroom though. His mother used to sit next to him, ruler in hand, watching as he tried to play the piano with as much precision as possible. Every mistake earned him a hard smack of the ruler into his back.
Always his back. It was easier to hide the marks there.
One night when Regulus was fifteen he’d been woken up in the middle of the night by his older brother, Sirius. Regulus was told to quickly pack a bag of anything necessary.
They were leaving.
They were escaping.
They were going to be free.
Sirius had apparently taken contacts with their uncle Alphard, who for all Regulus knew —which wasn’t much— was a stranger like no other.
Alphard had been disowned before they were born and now they were going to stay with him.
Regulus didn’t question it. He didn’t question Sirius. He never did.
That night changed everything, and Regulus couldn’t have been more grateful for it.
One thing he lost along the way was his ability to play the piano. It wasn’t that he’d forgotten but more so that every time he touched the tiles it felt like he was shoving glass up his fingers. He couldn’t take it. He didn’t even like playing the piano much. But it was one of the things that came from that house that he could consider beautiful.
Even though he didn’t want to play he still had this need inside him clawing at his ribs trying to get out. Sometimes he sat by the piano for hours just waiting for the moment.
The moment didn’t come. He spent nights waiting by the piano for seven years until he finally pushed down on the white and black tiles.
Regulus didn’t know why, and he didn’t question it.
A few days after he played, he started seeing this man in the halls of his apartment building. He must be his new neighbour that just moved in since Regulus didn’t recognise him.
Regulus didn’t really know what it was about him, but he almost felt drawn to him. Like there was some hidden magnetic field pulling Regulus towards him.
The feeling must not have been mutual. The mystery man hasn’t even acknowledged Regulus. It was like he was invisible.
That was the first time in his life Regulus wanted to be found.
The front door to his apartment bursts open, many in that situation would have been startled. Regulus, knowing his brother all too well, just sits calmly at the table reading his book and drinking his tea.
“Good morning, Sirius,” he spoke calmly.
Sirius quickly found himself sinking down into the seat in front of Regulus and throwing up his feet on the table. Regulus swatted them away.
“You really should start locking your door,” Sirius sighs, grabbing Regulus’s half-eaten sandwich from his plate. “Or you might end up with some unwanted company.”
Regulus didn’t even glance up from his book as he answered. “Well, Sirius, it’s already a little too late for that.”
“Ugh, you're so annoying sometimes. You know that right?” It wasn’t really a question though.
He folded up his book and finally looked up at his older brother. “I learned from the best.”
Sirius laughed brightly and winked at him. He clapped his hands together and stood up. Regulus looked at him with brows furrowed in confusion.
“I’m taking you out today.”
It seemed that he didn’t exactly have a choice as Sirius dragged him through the apartment getting him ready before they left in a hurry.
They ended up at Sirius’s store. He owned it with one of his friends, Regulus didn’t mind her too much. Well, except for when she had to go around using those idiotic nicknames she always came up with. Sirius of course thought it was hilarious how much Regulus despised them.
“Morning my lovely Marlene! Such a delight to see you, how’s the wife?” Sirius enveloped Marlene in a big hug and made a scene by kissing her loudly on both cheeks.
“Good morning to you too.” She chuckled. “Dorcas is doing great but” she stepped out of the hug and turned towards Regulus. “she also said to tell you that if you don’t come over any time soon she’d come to your apartment and light your books on fire.”
“Yes well Dorcas has always been rather dramatic,” she clapped him on the back before she and Sirius walked further into the store, leaving Regulus on his own.
He liked the place a lot, it wasn’t super popular so he was able to be on his own for the most, it smelt like records, books, and something sweet like vanilla and also he was just in general really proud of Sirius for being able to do this.
When they got old enough to move out they got their first apartment together and for years Sirius paid for almost everything, he still does. Insisting that since he has his own store he should be allowed to spoil his baby brother if he so pleases. Regulus didn’t really argue with that. But he did start taking a few shifts at the store so he could pay for something himself. It just felt right.
They’d been there for what must’ve been an hour and Regulus hadn’t seen his brother since before he walked off earlier. Which was strange since he’d seen Marlene walk past him a few times and the store wasn’t that big.
He found Sirius standing by the shelf of old records from the 80s, he was talking to someone Regulus couldn’t see. He walked closer, it was the mysterious man from his apartment building. He was there. Perfect warm, tanned skin, messy hair, and of course his dog, Patty something?
And there it was again. That feeling of being drawn towards him, like someone flipped the switch inside him.
Regulus did not go up to the man. Even though he so dearly wanted to. He watched them speak for a long time, staying hidden behind a shelf.
The man was dressed in casual clothes which Regulus usually didn’t like, but he somehow made work. He then noticed the sunglasses placed on his head, and now when he thought about it, he’d never seen the man without them. He didn’t find it strange before as the man was usually on his way out or back when Regulus managed to catch a glance of him. But now they were inside. Maybe he was one of those guys who thought wearing sunglasses inside made him cool.
Regulus walked up to Sirius after the man had left.
“Hey Reggie, where did you-”
“How do you know him?” Regulus asked, maybe too eagerly but he was just a tad bit desperate.
“James?” Sirius asked. So that’s his name, James, James, James, Ja- stop Regulus. Just stop it. He shook his head at his own thoughts. “Are you talking about James?”
“Is that his name? The guy you were talking to.”
“Yeah, that was James Potter. Moved here like a year ago.” Sirius explained.
James Potter, the man pulling Regulus in like a moon with the water was named James Potter. Regulus definitely has a problem.
Sirius's eyes lit up, he probably remembered something really exciting. “Wanna know a funny coincidence?” he does the thing where he says it like a question, but you really have no choice.
“If this is like when you realized that we were technically also cousins, then no. I do not want to know, Sirius.”
“It’s not like that this time,” Regulus looks at him unconvinced. “No, it's just that, you know Remus?”
Regulus sighed. “Do I know my brother's fiancé?”
Sirius laughed to himself. “Yeah yeah. Well, he’s actually James's doctor. The world is scary small sometimes.”
“Doctor? Why would James need a doctor?” Please don’t tell me he’s dying.
“Regulus. He’s blind.”
Oh.
How stupid could he be? How hadn't he noticed? He'd seen the man- James on multiple occasions, how could he not tell he was blind?
Regulus paced around his apartment, not being able to stop thinking of James Potter and all that it could mean. Now that Regulus had found out his name he wanted to know more. No, he needed to know more.
He started watching James more. Spending more time in the store, listening for any sign of noise outside his door, and almost going as far as to ask Remus if he could hide out in the room during James’s appointments.
This was crazy. Regulus was going crazy.
^^^
Many people assumed that if you're blind then you can't do anything at all. That however is not the case at all. James could do most things other people could and even though he saw the sincerity in it he’d really appreciate people stop trying to lead him around as soon as they found out. Like he didn’t ask them to do that.
After the accident, James started having these episodes. Sometimes they were anxious, they happened a lot in the beginning but now rarely ever. The other ones are like outbursts of anger. Those are the most difficult. James had never been an angry person, so these outbursts really shocked everyone, James the most. He hated it. Hated taking out his anger on people who didn’t deserve it, especially when it was the people he cared about.
Everyone had finished eating dinner and James had just started on the dishes. Mary and Peter had disappeared into the living room, claiming to be too tired to help. James didn’t mind though, he liked doing things with his hands. Kept his mind occupied.
James heard the familiar footsteps of Lily walk into the kitchen. She didn’t say anything. “You ever gonna tell us what’s up with the piano player?” Lily asked from next to him.
He smiled involuntarily. “I would if I knew anything,” he sighed.
“Alright, well that better be a promise.” They chuckled. He felt her hand on his lower back as she stepped closer. “Go sit down, James. I’ll take care of the dishes.”
James shrugged and continued to scrape the tomato stains off the plate. “It’s fine, I’ve got it.”
“No, let me do it.”
“Lily, I’ve got it.” He said a little firmer.
Lily grabbed his wrists gently, stopping their motion. “James really go sit dow-”
He ripped his hands out of her grip, splashing himself with water. “I said I got it!” He was almost yelling now.
He felt Lily take a step back.
“Fuck-” James walked to the nearest wall and sunk down against it. He felt the tears start to fall as he held his head between his hands.
He hadn't had an outburst like this in a long time. He'd forgotten how much they hurt. James is the kind of person who feels all his emotions physically. If he’s happy he’ll feel almost light. But when he’s upset it feels like someone is trying to tear a hole in his chest.
“I'm sorry,” James whispered to Lily as she took a seat next to him. “I-I didn’t mean to yell.”
She rubbed soothing circles into his back. “It’s alright, darling. Wanna tell me what went wrong?” He nodded.
“It just felt like in the beginning when everyone treated me as if I were made of glass,” He took some shaky breaths. “I know that’s not what you meant but... I don’t know. Maybe I'm just being dramatic.”
“You’re not being dramatic. It’s okay to be upset.” James knew she was trying to be reassuring but he couldn't take it. He felt the anger starting to build up in him again and he didn’t want to do that to her. “James-”
“I’m going out for a walk.” He said promptly and hurried out of the apartment.
In his hurry to get out of the apartment, James had completely forgotten just one small little detail. He was very blind, and he’d forgotten Padfoot.
So, he might have run straight into someone as they were exiting said elevator.
“Would you mind letting me go?” James jerked up. He'd completely forgotten that he was in fact holding onto the poor person's waist, and well, pushing them against the wall.
In his defense, he was trying to stop them from falling.
“Oh right. Shit sorry, mate.” He scratched the back of his head and took a step back, letting go of him. As his hand left the other’s waist, he felt almost... cold. He shook it off. “I'm James.”
“Regulus.”