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The next morning found everyone back at the safehouse. Well…everyone except Soap.
Ghost hadn’t been able to sleep at all. They had gotten back around three in the morning, and he spent a few hours cleaning his equipment. Did it need to be cleaned? No. But it was something to keep his hands busy. After that he did his morning workout and went for a run to cool down. He’d just gotten back and stomped into his bathroom to take a quick shower.
He peeled off his sweaty clothes and walked past the mirror. Not even sparing it a glance as he violently tore off his balaclava and threw it on the counter. He stepped into the shower and turned the water on. Not even bothering to wait for it to warm up or change the temperature…using the cold water to cool down.
A few minutes later he was out. Hair washed and body scrubbed clean. He used his towel to fluff his hair dry before wrapping it around his waist. Stepping in front of the sink he paused. His gaze was downward. Not looking up into the mirror. His eyes flicked to his razor and the small can of shaving cream.
A minute passed.
He sighed and reached for the shaving cream.
He scooped some out, foaming it between his hands before lathering it on his face. The sharp scent assaulted his nose. His eyes…still hadn’t looked up. He grabbed his razor next. It was the cheap disposable kind. He wasn’t like a certain someone obsessed with fancy razors with expensive blades. He slowly brought it up to his face and began to shave. He pulled his skin this way and that. Making sure to get an even and efficient cut. He slowed down once he got to the areas around his scars. He leaned even further over the sink. Eyes still downcast. He’d shaved his face enough times he could do it in the dark. Knew exactly how his scars were mapped out and what areas were more prone to cuts due to the unevenness of the skin.
Finished, he set the razor down. Washed his face and dried it with a hand towel. Only then did he look up. Deep brown eyes stared back emptily. His eyes drifted down to his scars. His poorly cut Glasgow smile looked more like a passive scowl than a smile. The slashes across his left cheekbone crisscrossed. The bigger of the two slit through his upper lip and distorted the flesh. The other end tapered off near the corner of his eye.
“Are you ugly?”
“Quite the opposite…”
Yeah right.
His jaw clenched and he stalked out of the bathroom. He picked a casual set of civvies. Black joggers, black hoodie, and a fresh balaclava. All set, he headed down to the kitchen to fix himself a cup of tea.
It was unusually quiet. Soap and Gaz’s usual high energy conversations and teasing was missing. As he neared the kitchenette Ghost noticed a paper note on the counter.
Gaz and I are headed out to get some groceries and finish up the reports.Have you heard from Soap? - Price
Ghost huffed quietly. Then squinted down at the last sentence. He hadn’t heard anything from his sergeant this morning. He looked down at his watch…it read 8am. Maybe it was still too early. Maybe Soap was spending a lazy morning recovering after he and that cowboy-
No. Ghost shook his head and turned the kettle on. What Soap did in his free time was none of his business. He closed his eyes tightly…only to be assaulted with images of Soap from last night. His flushed face and goofy grin. The way his hips swayed to the music. The way his back muscles rippled as he leaned further into the cowboy…how his voice sounded when he moaned quietly to the cowboy….
Ghost almost jumped when the kettle screeched. The abrupt sound interrupted his thoughts. Thank heavens. He ran a hand down the front of his mask and sighed. What was wrong with him? He sighed again and grabbed a mug from the cupboard and a teabag.
He stared down at his cup as the tea sat and brewed. Soap could handle himself. That’s what Price had said last night. He’d be fine. Ghost just needed to stop worrying about him. Needed to stop being overprotective. It clearly wasn’t doing him any good. Soap is a fully grown independent adult. He wasn’t a child and is totally capable of making his own decisions. When it came to civilian matters of course. He clearly did not need Ghost…considering how quickly he was discarded last night…
It wasn’t like Ghost had tried to be good company anyways.
Thinking back on it…he hadn’t even spoken to Soap last night.
Not even a word.
Maybe their playful banter over the comms was just because Ghost was the only person available. The only person on the other side of the radio. The more Ghost thought about that, the more he realized that they didn’t even talk once the missions were over. They’d grunt in acknowledgement of each other but they wouldn’t crack jokes or hold any real conversation.
Ghost looked down at his tea. It was over-brewed….Great…
He turned around and leaned against the counter. He was about to take a sip when his phone started vibrating violently in his pocket. He grumbled as he dug it out of his pocket. Whoever this was called at the wrong time. Not bothering to check the name, he accepted the call.
“What in the bloody hell do you want?” he snapped. No response…”This better not be a bloody fucking prank call or I’ll-”
“Lt.?”
Ghost froze, “Soap?” he rasped.
“G-ghost I-...uhm…I didnae wanna bother you but I just-” Soap rambled.
“Get to the point, sergeant.” Ghost sighed.
“Uhm yeah..uh…could you…could you pick me up?” Soap’s voice had gotten awfully quiet at the end. A wobbly whisper. Ghost’s grip on his phone tightened. He’d never heard Soap talk like that before. Something was wrong.
“Where are you? You solid?” he asked softly.
“I-I’m at the pier. Access point 17….I’m okay….Just feel like a fool.” Soap mumbled.
“Bloody hell Soap, how’d you get all the way over there?” Ghost breathed. He walked out of the kitchen to grab his keys. Gaz and Price took the car. So his bike would have to do.
“Soap?”
“Ghost?”
“I’m on my way.”
—
The ride to the pier took about fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes too long, in Ghost’s opinion. He stopped by the access sign and scanned the area. He didn’t see Soap. Maybe he was further in…closer to the water. He parked his bike and started walking towards the small boardwalk. His heavy boots thudded menacingly on the wood. His leather jacket and chaps accented his form well. He also wore his regular balaclava and a thick pair of gloves. People gave him uneasy looks and skittered out of his way as he passed. His eyes swept back and forth, looking for the scotsman. Where was he? He ripped off a glove and pulled out his phone.
“Soap, I’m here. Where are you?”
“Down by the water.”
Ghost’s eyes scanned the beach. He saw people playing in the waves and others relaxing on the sand. Further up he spotted a lone man lying down. He was alone and off to the side. Avoiding the boisterous crowd.
“That you flopped on the shore like a beached whale?” Ghost asked. He saw the man raise an arm…hand giving him the finger. Ghost smirked, “I’m headed down.”
He saw Soap quickly move to stand.
“I’ll meet you halfway.” Soap said before he hung up.
Ghost noticed Soap’s gait was slow. His shoulders were slumped and his hair was messy. Well…it was always somewhat messy, but it wasn’t styled up at all. It had grown long during their mission and strands of it flopped this way and that. The man looked tired. Getting closer, Ghost slowed down. He fully stopped and waited for Soap to reach him. He stood and watched his sergeant approach and analyzed his appearance further.
The first thing he noticed was that Soap’s eyes were red….the skin around them was too. He had bags under his eyes and his eyes were unfocused. He’d been crying. Ghost’s jaw clenched. Why was Soap crying? What happened?
“You solid?” he asked again. Soap just nodded and trudged past. Ghost turned and followed him back up to the boardwalk. Worry settled over his mind. What had happened? How long had Soap been out there?
Once they got to his bike, Ghost swung his leg over and sat down. Soap fidgeted slightly next to him. Sitting on the bike, Ghost was about eye level to Soap.
“Can’t take you back if you don’t get on.” Ghost said. Soap bit his lip. Ghost frowned, “Something wrong sergeant?”
Soap flinched, “Uh where should I sit?” he asked. His arms motioned mildly to the bike. Ghost turned and patted the area behind him. The bike wasn’t made for two but the cruiser was a bigger bike. They’d both fit well enough for a short ride.
“Get on sergeant.”
Soap sighed and swung his leg over. He gingerly placed his hands on Ghost’s shoulders as he settled in his position. Ghost tapped his hand with a gloved finger, “You’re gonna want to hold on here:...” he pointed down to his waist. Soap slowly moved his hands around Ghost’s waist and huffed. Ghost did his best to refrain from flinching at the touch there. He wasn’t used to it.
“Hold on tight. Don’t need you falling off.” Ghost muttered as he started the bike. He heard Soap gasp at the low rumble as the vibrations shuddered beneath them. Ghost kicked the stand up and started heading back to the safehouse.
—
Ghost parked in the yard closer to the door. He noticed that the car was still gone. Soap quickly slipped off as Ghost shut the bike off. Ghost watched as the man practically ran inside. Odd. He himself slowly got off and made his way inside as well. He shook off his jacket and placed it on the back of one of the chairs in the kitchen. Soap was nowhere to be seen. He started walking towards Soap’s room when he heard the shower running.
Oh.
He moved back to the kitchen. His eyes landed on his forgotten cup of tea…he sighed and moved to clean it up. He tossed out the cold tea, put the cup in the dishwasher, and waited for Soap.
Half an hour later, he heard the shower shut off. His eyes flicked from his phone to the hallway and back down. A few minutes later, the door clicked open and he heard Soap shuffling to his room. Ghost continued to flip through his phone. He wasn’t quite sure what to do at this point. Soap didn’t seem to be in the mood for talking which was very unusual for the man. Maybe he just had a long night and was tired. Maybe that’s why his eyes were red….no…those were clearly messy tear stains on his cheeks earlier. What was he doing at the beach? Where exactly did he go last night? What happened to the cowboy bloke? Was he hurt? Ghost hadn’t seen any visible injuries. His clothes were blood free and not torn.
“Ghost?”
Ghost looked up. Soap was peeking around the corner.
“What?”
“Is…is Gaz here?” Soap asked. His eyes were set on the floor.
“No…no Gaz and Price are out running errands” Ghost answered, “Why?”
“Oh..uh, nothing.” Soap sulked, “Just wanted to talk to him..” he added glumly.
“You know, you can talk to me too.” Ghost supplied.
“Ah..well…” Soap stuttered. His hands fidgeted slightly.
“Is it about last night?”
“Look, I just wanna talk to Gaz ok?” Soap sighed. Ghost’s eye twitched…
“Gaz isn’t here. I am. What happened last night? How did you get to the pier?” Ghost asked…softer this time. Soap sighed and his shoulders slumped further.
“It’s none of your concern Ghost.” Soap sighed.
“Not my concern? You’re my sergeant, I think it very well is my concern.” Ghost replied. Soap made a frustrated sound in his throat.
“I just wanna talk to Gaz okay!” he said loudly.
“Why Gaz? Why can’t you tell me?” Ghost asked. Soap was silent. He just stared at the floor while Ghost glared.
“Answer me.”
.
.
.
“Because you’re you, Ghost.”
What?
Ghost swallowed. He blinked slowly and took long measured breaths. What?
“Look, Ghost..I’m just gonnae go back to my room and wait for Gaz..ok?” Soap muttered. He then turned and disappeared down the hall. Ghost was on his heels instantly.
“I don’t think we’re done here MacTavish.” he growled, “What did you mean by that?”
“It just means I don’t want to talk to you!” Soap yelled. He had fully turned around and his reddened eyes were full of anger and…sadness?
“I don’t get why you won’t tell me about what happened last night after the bar. It’s not like I was there anyways.”
“Exactly!” Soap exclaimed, “You weren’t there.”
“What? You’re making no sense Soap! I wasn’t with you because you spent the whole night with that bloody fucking cowboy! I’m trying my damndest to help you!…even though I fucking suck at it….What can Gaz know that I can’t?! I thought we were close, Soap! I thought we were a team that trusted each other.” Ghost snapped.
Soap was silent. He angrily glared up at Ghost before he turned away sharply and slammed the door.
—
Ghost didn’t look up when the front door opened. He could hear Gaz’s stupid laughter the moment the guy stepped out of the car. A dark feeling settled in his gut just at the sound. Gaz, huh? When did he and Soap become so chummy? He rolled his eyes and brought his attention back to the old radio he was repairing.
He sat quietly at the big table near the kitchen as Price and Gaz unloaded and organized the groceries.
“You hear from Soap yet?” Price asked as he closed the refrigerator.
“Affirmative.”
“He get back yet?”
“Affirmative.”
“Something wrong?”...Price raised a brow.
Ghost sighed, “He only wants to talk to Gaz.” He said while nodding in the man’s direction, “Found him on the beach earlier. Seemed upset. Refused to talk to me.”
Gaz’s whispered “Fuck.” and quick exit from the kitchen made Ghost flinch.
—
—
SOAP’S POV
—
—
Soap was huddled away in his room when a soft knock sounded at his door.
“Soap it’s me..Gaz.” a quiet voice announced. Soap rolled over onto his back and sighed.
“Come in.”
The door creaked open and clicked shut as Gaz walked in.
“Hey Soap.” Gaz greeted.
“Hey Gaz” Soap replied. His voice was a little hoarse and he cleared his throat as Gaz came over and sat on the bed. They sat in silence for a while. Listening to each other breathe. Soap groaned quietly as he stared at the ceiling.
“I feel so stupid.” he muttered.
“What happened?” Gaz asked softly. “This about last night? Or something happen with Ghost? He seemed upset.”
Soap sighed at the mention of Ghost and he felt a twinge of guilt knowing Ghost was upset. It wasn’t the lieutenant’s fault Soap was an emotional mess..wait…scratch that. It was and it only was because Soap was such an idiot. He groaned again and covered his face with his arm.
“It’s..complicated…” he sighed.
“Stuff like this is always complicated with you. Especially when it concerns a certain lieutenant…” Gaz said. “Talk to me. Give me the run-down on what happened.”
“So…” Soap cleared his throat, “You know I was flirting with that guy at the bar?”
“The cowboy? Yeah it was quite obvious you were smitten. Even Price and Ghost noticed. But I’m sure I’m the only one who knows exactly why you were so attracted to that guy.” Gaz chuckled softly.
Silence.
Soap swallowed loudly.
“It’s because…” Gaz started.
“Gaz..” Soap warned weakly.
“He looked like…” Gaz continued.
“Gaz please.” Soap groaned. He slid a hand over his face in embarrassment. He could feel hot hot his face was underneath his palm as he blushed.
“I mean..when I say ‘looked like’ I mean like…resembled roughly…like the height was sorta there. The broad shoulders. Though they should be broader…the hair. Brooding eyes….” Gaz continued. The fucker was taunting Soap and it was horrible.
“Oh my god Gaz…”
“He reminded you of Ghost didn’t he?” Gaz stated flatly. He said it with such bluntness that Soap cringed.
“Am I that obvious?” he asked.
“Only to me.” Gaz replied, “And that’s because you told me of this little ole crush you have on the L.t.”
“Okay so he did kinda remind me of Ghost…and it was kinda fun if I pictured Ghost there instead of him…but..then we left. And we went to his place…and we started kissing…and it’s not like he was a bad kisser ya know…but he could have been better? LIke he was just really clumsy and weird about everything. Like he didn’t even want to prep me properly and I had to do everything…which was ok but still…he didn’t like my leg hair Gaz. my LEG HAIR…and then he complained about how long it took me to prep…and then when we finally got down to it…he wasn’t that good at all…he grunted like a pig all snorty and gross…didn’t even try to hit my good spots or touch me…and when he came and I wasn’t really satisfied…so I had to pretend to dry orgasm…dry orgasm Gaz…like WhAt…and like his dick wasn’t that big or impressive and ninety percent of our conversation at the bar was about his dong schlong size…like..I just…it was a mistake…I felt horrible afterwards…the guy just fell asleep and I just sat there all gross and still hard…had to fantasize about Ghost just to get off in the bathroom. I don’t know Gaz. It was just a horrible decision. I feel gross. It started out great and just was a mess.” Soap’s breath was labored at the end of his rant. He threw his hands on his lap exasperated and looked at Gaz sadly.
“Whoa…that’s…that’s a lot to take in.” Gaz breathed.
“Yeah uhh…” Soap rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
“I’m sorry John, that guy was a jerk. He didn’t take the time to treat you right. I’m sorry you had to go through all that and then come back and have everyone gone.” Gaz sighed softly.
“I just feel stupid. I expected someone else the whole time. Fantasized that he would treat me how I thought…Ghost would…” Soap admitted quietly, “And I don’t even know if he likes me that way..if he likes men. I should have known better.”
“Soap-” Gaz moved forward and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Soap leaned into it and closed his eyes as he hunched over.
“Why am I so stupid?” Soap groaned, “If it weren’t for my stupid fantasies, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“You’re not stupid MacTavish.” Gaz stated bluntly. Soap just sat there miserably. He didn’t know what to feel. Last night started amazing. They’d gone to the bar and he had sat next to Ghost. They’d all joked and shared stories for an hour or so before things changed. Changed when he walked up to the bar…he-he didn’t mean for what happened after to happen. It just kinda did. The man in the funny hat struck up a flirtatious conversation and he just flirted back. Soap was always a flirt. But that didn’t mean he meant it. It’s just the way he is. The way he talks. But then it got more intense. When he was pulled into the man’s lap. The contact, the friction felt so good. It had been so long.
He’d noticed when Ghost came over. How could he not. But he didn’t think much of it. Too distracted by the hands groping his ass and the sultry whispers in his ear.
Soap should have known the man was gonna be a bad lay the moment he saw the guy try to dance. Man had zero coordination and was stiff. But regardless he followed the man home. The heat and spark he’d felt in the club vanished quickly. From the bad display of foreplay to the unnecessary remarks regarding his body and his neediness…he should have known. He should have just gotten his drink and returned to the table to be with Ghost.
He could have changed everything. Could have sat down closer to Ghost and talked to him. Asked questions to get to know him better. Exchanged playful banter like they had in Las Almas. Maybe even..confessed…
Just thinking about how the night could have gone differently made Soap sick. He groaned miserably.
“Ghost is worried about you.” Gaz said from above.
Ghost. Yeah..Soap cringed remembering their last conversation in the hallway a few hours ago.
Because you’re you Ghost
Fuck
He really messed up didn’t he?
“He said he found you at the beach. How’d you get there?” Gaz asked.
“I walked.” Soap mumbled, “Didn’t really have anything to do after..you know…so I wandered around for a bit.” it’s not like he was going to return to the safehouse after all that. The safehouse where Ghost was sleeping just a few rooms away..no. He couldn’t. So he wandered around, found the beach, and sat listening to the waves.
He knows the conversation with Ghost could have gone better. But he was too tired. Too angry with himself to think properly. He wished he could go back and do it all over. Ghost probably wants nothing to do with him now. Soap doesn’t blame him.
—
Later that evening Gaz knocks on Soap’s door energetically.
Soap quickly snapped his sketchbook shut and hid it under his pillow with his pencil case.
“Come in.” he said, clearing his throat.
“Hey.” Gaz smiled. Soap could see the mischief in his eyes.
“Hey.”
“Soooo…I was thinking..now I know this may be a bad idea, but it could also be fun..” Gaz started. He was fidgeting with hands nervously.
“What is it?” Soap asked, curious.
“Last night Price told me of a smaller bar he liked to frequent when he was last here. Can you believe the man? He spent his leave here with his wife?!" Gaz chuckled, "Anyways, it's very chill. They have an acoustic band playing tonight and it’s away from downtown. Thought you and I could go. Just to unwind. Not to party, just have a drink and relax.” Gaz explained. Soap sighed. He’d been holed up in his room all day drawing stupid pictures of Ghost. He was going crazy.
“Sure.”
“Great! I’ll let Price know.”
—
Fifteen minutes later, Gaz and Soap were ready to go. Soap had fixed his mohawk and cleaned up his beard. His eyes were less red too. They were just about to leave, had the door open and everything when they felt a presence behind them.
“Price said I have to accompany you two.” Ghost said plainly.
“Whaaaat?” Gaz moaned in protest, “We’re not kids.”
“Price thinks otherwise. Doesn’t want you two messing around alone. Said you need a chaperone.” Ghost explained sourly.
“Fine.” Gaz shrugged. Soap looked warily up at Ghost. The man stared back down at him indifferently. Ashamed, Soap turned his gaze to the ground and slipped out the door. He was quickly followed by Gaz and Ghost.
—
Gaz was right. It was a small cozy bar and the band playing was pretty good. Soft vocals and pleasant instrumentals. Soap could almost relax….if it weren’t for the behemoth seated next to him.
Somehow
Some way
Ghost ended up sitting between Gaz and Soap. WhAt.
They hadn’t even talked since this morning. It was awkward AF. Soap was too busy nervously staring into his scotch that he didn’t notice the seat next to him being taken.
He didn’t notice until a hand clapped his shoulder roughly.
“Hey there! Fancy meeting you here!”
Oh no.
Oh nonono.
Soap looked up. Saw a wide brimmed hat, a button down, and that stupid bloke from last night.
—
—
GHOST POV
—
—
Ghost sat at the bar between Soap and Gaz. More like sulked. He didn’t have to go with them. Price said it was an option but he encouraged Ghost to attend. So he did.
He’d chalk it up to wanting to talk to Soap about what he said this morning. But when they got to the bar, it wasn’t really the time or the setting. His eyes drifted from his hands on the bar to Soap.
He looked better than this morning..but there were obvious signs of distress written on his face. His eyes were still a tad puffy. As if he’d kept crying…that thought didn’t sit well with Ghost. It’s not like he was mad at Soap or anything. Just confused. Ghost had tough skin, but he never expected something like that to come from Soap.
He watched Soap’s half lidded gaze drift down to his glass of scotch. The colors of the lights behind the bar lit up Soap’s blue eyes. Made them look almost ethereal. Even now Ghost found Soap stunning. And he hated himself for it. He abruptly turned his gaze away from Soap and stared at his own drink. A humble glass of water. He lazily watched the ice cubes shift and the water droplets on the side trickle down onto the coaster beneath.
His stupor was interrupted by a loud voice on his right. Talking to Soap. He glowered over at the unwelcome noise and his attitude immediately darkened further.
It
Was
That
Bloody
Fucking
Cowboy