Chapter Text
Logan should have seen this coming. As much as he planned and thought that this would be just him and Patton, Roman managed to weasel his way into their time. Now Patton was spending all of his time taking care of Roman instead of Logan.
The little one crossed his arms and leaned further back into the couch. He tried to pay attention to the movie playing but he knew it was only a matter of time before Roman wanted to watch something else. It wasn't fair! This was supposed to be his afternoon!
"He's just a baby Lo. He looks up to his big brother." Patton said when Roman had first shown up, causing Logan Logan to protest because it was supposed to be HIS special afternoon.
"He's not my baby brother." He grumbled watching Patton playing toys with Roman instead of watching the movie with him. The baby kept looking up towards Logan, waving toys at him.
He knew it might have seemed petty if he had just ignored Roman as he tried to get Logan's attention. But he knew it was certainly petty if he crossed his arms, turned away, and harrumphed loud enough for the other to get the message that he did NOT want to interact with him.
Which is exactly why he did it.
Roman must have noticed immediately that Logan was upset with him, since he could hear the baby whine in distress. But that only made him more annoyed. HE should be the one whining! He was the one that Patton was ignoring!
"Come on Ro, Let's give Logan a bit of space." Patton said, softly pulling Roman back towards the toys. Patton didn't look happy when he shot Logan a look before trying to distract the baby with the toys.
Logan sunk further into the couch and glared at the t.v. without watching it. Why did Roman have to ruin everything? Why did Patton always take his side? It wasn't fair! He deserved to have his own days! Not having to listen to Roman whine the whole time and for Patton to take care of him instead of Logan! It was Logan's day!
It wasn't fair! He stood up from the couch. "I'm gonna go get a snack."
"I can grab it for you kiddo." Patton said before Logan stopped him.
"You stay with Roman." He said, crossing his arms. "You clearly like him better!" With that, he turned and stomped out of the room. He grabbed a bag of chips and ripped it open. He didn't really want chips but it let him tear up without Patton, or worse Roman, seeing him.
"Logan!"
He heard Patton call his name right after he managed to get the bag open, and his head whipped around towards the kitchen entrance. He stood stock still for a second. Despite his chest aching with anger wanting to do nothing more than to continue to stomp out of the room and far away from stupid Patton and stupid Roman...Something small compelled him to freeze. He stared at the doorway holding his breath, tears at the brink of his eyes, mouth painfully still as he fought off wobbly lips that would give way to his emotions.
He wanted Patton to come after him.
He wanted his caregiver to leave Roman's side and come check on him. He wanted Patton to know he was angry and sad and hurt and scared and he wanted him to hug all of those feelings away. He just wanted his day. Why didn't he get his day?
Roman whimpered.
Roman whimpered and Patton was going to check on him. Make sure he was okay. Make sure his tears were cleaned up and his chin was steady. He would get the back rubs and the hushes and the forehead kisses. Logan would be forgotten. He would be left behind. His cries would not be heard or taken care of.
Logan, unsure how small he was anymore, turned around, tears slipping down his cheeks, and he hurried away.
He almost got to his room before he changed his mind and took off to find somewhere else to go. If Patton was going to come after him he would just be mad. He didn't want to spend time with him. He just wanted Logan to be there while Patton spent time with Roman.
He didn't want to take care of Logan.
He didn't care about Logan.
He opened a door and he was met with Remus and Janus playing a video game together. One that was quickly turned off when Janus saw him. "Hey!" Remus protested.
"He's little right now." Janus said to Remus before his voice got softer. "What's wrong Duckling?"
Logan walked in and sat down between them on Janus' bed. He didn't think about where he was going. "Patton doesn't like me."
"Join the club!" Remus snorted, elbowing him a bit. He whined, immediately feeling like he was being taken for a joke.
"He doesn't!" Logan insisted, and turned to look at Janus, since he would know that he wasn't lying. "He doesn't like me." He said again, and watched as the deceitful side seemed to analyse his words.
"Why do you think that?" Janus asked, and Logan huffed, crossing his arms once more, though not before wiping the rest of the tears off of his face.
"I know that he doesn't!" He continued to insist. "He--..."
Logan trailed off just as he was about to explain that Patton liked Roman more than him and always wanted to take care of him and not him anymore. But that felt like a babyish way to explain it. And he wasn't a dumb baby like Roman. He knew things. He knew how to tie his shoes and he knew how to change the setting on the television to the game screen, and he absolutely knew that Patton didn't like him anymore because of Roman. But if he said that, they wouldn't take him seriously. Or worse, maybe they would try and find out for themselves and then they would confront Patton and he would feel guilty about that.
Or maybe they would see how sweet baby Roman was and they would choose him too. The other was a fairly tolerable baby. He knew how to share and he did cry but he didn't scream or whine or yell like Logan sometimes did. He played babyish games that Patton had tried to play with Logan before but he always figured them out pretty quickly. Roman was a good baby, and Logan hated that about him. He wanted to be a good baby. He wanted Patton to play with him and not get upset when he yelled.
"He doesn't." Logan said glaring at the floor. He couldn't explain it without admitting that he might be a bad baby. Maybe that's why Patton doesn't like him.
"Well, have you asked him how he feels?" Janus asked.
"He's busy." Logan grumbled.
"I thought today was your day with him." Remus said. Logan looked up at him a bit surprised.
"How did you know that?" He asked.
"He was telling me how much he was looking forward to it yesterday while we were having lunch." Remus said.
Janus looked surprised at that. "You've been having lunch with Patton? Since when?"
"Okay it was more I Invited myself to lunch with him." Remus said. "He would not stop talking about today."
Logan kicked his legs a little bit. "Yeah, it was pose...supposed to be our day." He corrected himself. He couldn't sound like a baby right now.
"Then why are you in here instead of out there?" Remus asked, poking Logan's side. Logan shoved his hand away as he got tickled. The little one giggled before frowning.
"I...I'm not being good." He admitted. He teared up again."Roman is always good and Patton likes that."
"Join the club." Remus said again.
"There isn't a real club. You can't trick me like that, I'm not a stupid baby." Logan said with a pout, and waited to see how the caregivers would respond. They both looked at each other around him, and he wished he could read their minds like Professor X. Or as real fans called him, Charles Xavier. Then he could know what they were thinking and whether or not he should stay or scurry off before they got bored or upset with him too.
"You're being punished?" Janus asked, and Logan felt his heart drop at the misunderstanding.
"No! No no... I don't--"
Was he being punished?
He had been acting out. Being mean to Roman especially. Maybe this was a punishment. Maybe Logan did deserve this. Patton hadn't said it was a punishment, but maybe he was being punished. He didn't play nice with the baby. Maybe he was being punished for being mean to Patton's favorite.
"I don't know." Logan said honestly. It might sound weird but maybe if he was being punished then he could fix it and then Patton would like him again. Then he could watch his shows or his caregiver could even read him a book. He could be the baby and Patton would love him and it would just be their time.
"Let's go have a talk with Patton and see if we can get this all figured out." Janus said softly. Logan still felt awful. He didn't want them to talk to Patton! What if that made him even more upset with him? What if they got upset at him too?
"You can't!" He yelled, grabbing both Janus' and Remus' arms.
"Why not?" Remus asked, tilting his head.
"Because...I wanna see your game." Logan said in a last-ditch chance to distract them. "You should tell me about it! I bet it's fun."
"Maybe some other time." Janus said, shooting Remus a look.
"I wasn't going to say anything." He responded, pouting a little.
"You were thinking about it." Janus said firmly.
Remus wrinkled his nose and picked the regressed boy up. "Come on, let's go get this over with."
Logan normally liked being picked up since it happened so rarely. Remus didn't carry people a lot. This time he didn't want to be carried. He couldn't escape the situation. He just felt his dread and fear build the closer he was carried back to the living room.
Perhaps having a sixth sense for emotions, or even more likely, noticing Logan's feeble attempts to hide his disappointment and fear, Remus suddenly readjusted the regressor in his arms, holding him a little closer.
"It's okay. If he's mean I'll skin a b*tch," He said with a small smile. And despite the threat, he took comfort in it. Remus probably wouldn't actually skin Patton, but he would take care of Logan. Knowing that, he allowed himself to relax just a bit, taking a tiny bit of enjoyment about finally getting to be carried.
That tiny just didn't last long though, the trek back to the living room being over far too quickly. When they entered the room, Patton was nowhere to be found.
But Roman was.
He was sitting on the couch, holding his own hands and his head hung low. When he noticed the new people in the room, he looked up, and Logan caught sight of his red, puffy eyes.
"Oh he--" Roman cut himself off though when said puffy eyes finally spotted Logan in Remus's arms.
"Logan! Thank Go-- Patton! He's in here!" Roman sighed, sounding relieved, before summoning Patton up from the ground.
When he rose up, and caught sight of Logan, he rushed forward towards him, but paused when he curled away from him into Remus' arms. Logan felt bad at how Patton looked so hurt at the movement. He didn't want Patton to be upset with him.
"Logan I am so sorry." Patton said. "I didn't mean to make you feel that I didn't care about you."
"Then why do you always focus on Roman instead?" Logan demanded. He shot a glare toward Roman before his anger faded at seeing how upset the other looked.
"Roman needed more attention." Patton said, stepping closer again. Logan wiggled out of Remus' arms to the floor. He reached for the regressor but Janus held him back. He was grateful for that. He didn't want to be held right now. He needed to be listened to.
"But it was OUR day! And...and I wanted to spend it with you!" Logan said, looking over at the mix of baby toys on the floor. "I wanted to be cared about, and have hugs and kisses."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Patton asked.
Logan stomped his foot. "I did! I told you! I said I didn't want Roman to join! I didn't want to share my afternoon." The boy deflated a bit as he listened to what he was saying. He sounded so selfish. Why would he get to ask that of Patton? He didn't have to spend time with him. "You like Roman better. I'm a bad baby."
The room went quiet after he said that.
Logan didn't like the silence. He didn't like that what he said seemed to linger in the air with everyone. He found tears filling his eyes. He was a bad baby. Look at what he had caused.
Patton seemed to break from his stupor upon seeing Logan tearing up, and he was quick to shake his head, inching closer but, much to Logan's relief, not trying to hug him or hold him.
"No no no not at all." Patton said, voice cracking a bit. As he got a bit closer, Logan felt Remus shift behind him, only to be stopped once again by Janus. The little one took a step back closer to Remus so that they were just inches apart.
"Logan, I love you. I didn't mean to hurt you. This was--"
"You picking and choosing who you favor most?" Janus chimed in sarcastically, and Logan didn't like it. He looked over at Janus and saw that he was upset with Patton. He could tell Remus was too. It seemed like he was doing everything in his power not to pull him back protectively away from the other. But Logan didn't want this! He didn't want everyone mad at each other. Tears slipped down his cheeks when arguing began to erupt between the three caregivers in the room. Patton vaguely defending himself, Remus and Janus defending him.
He closed his eyes and felt a yell bubbling in his throat, just wanting everyone to STOP.
A loud 'STOP' was yelled, but not by Logan though. And when he opened his eyes, everyone had ceased, arguing, and turned all their attention to the person who had yelled.
Roman.
Roman was crying. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have invaded your time."
Patton looked panicked at that. "You are allowed to ask for help." He said, reaching a hand out towards him.
"I didn't need to ask you." He said. "I could have asked someone else." Before Patton could protest again, Roman turned back towards Logan. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take away your afternoon."
He hated that Roman was apologizing. He didn't want him to feel bad. He just wanted him to go elsewhere for a while. "Why did you?"
Roman looked uncomfortable at that question. Patton piped up, "What if we re-plan the whole afternoon and do a just us day tomorrow?" He asked Logan.
"I wanna know why Roman showed up this time!" He responded firmly.
"That's for a different time squirt." Remus said, watching his brother. Roman looked relieved that Remus was backing him up. "Still, maybe it would be a good idea for Roman to come hang out with Jan and Me."
"It's Janus and I." Logan corrected under his breath.
"And you go have your afternoon with Patton." Remus suggested.
"If Roman needs someone to be with him, I don't mind spending time with him." Janus said, looking towards Roman. The other gave a weak smile and nodded.
Patton didn't seem convinced. "Are you sure?" He asked Roman.
Logan hated that Patton was asking Roman if it was okay. He hated that his caregiver didn't seem to really take his concerns and worries seriously. Even when given the clear chance to spend the afternoon with him he was still focusing on Roman.
"No! No none of you are listening!" Logan yelled, interrupting whatever answer Roman was going to give.
"I don't know what's going on and I don't like it when I don't know what's going on so I just wanna know what's going on so everything can go back to normal again!" How was he supposed to enjoy his time with Patton if he didn't know why he had chosen Roman in the first place? Why had Roman gone to HIS caregiver instead of anyone else on HIS day? Why did they all seem to understand something he didn't understand? He wanted to stomp and cry and scream! He was confused and scared and worried! Was Roman okay? Was everyone mad at Logan?
"Why did you take my day?!" Logan asked Roman one more time. He felt Remus step back away from him, and he immediately missed the closeness. Everyone was choosing Roman again!
"Logan, that's enough." Patton spoke up, using a caregiver voice he rarely had to use on him. He was upset. He was actually upset with Logan. He had gone too far this time. Which was frustrating, because he didn't even know what he was doing! But the voice had its effect. The regressor immediately clammed up, not wanting to be in trouble. He didn't want Patton to be mad at him. He didn't want anyone mad at him. He just wanted to know what was going on!
Logan looked around at how everyone felt awful and looked upset with him. This is why he didn't want to tell Janus and Remus what was going on. This is why he just wanted to have his day. Because if it was just him and Patton then it was simple and he got attention and he didn't have to feel so selfish.
He was being selfish.
"Roman can have the afternoon." Logan said giving up. No one was going to explain to him why the baby got the afternoon over him. No one was going to side with Logan when Roman was upset. It didn't matter that he was upset too. Roman won everyone over.
"That's not what I meant." Patton said clearly frustrated.
"Roman needs it. I don't know why because no one will tell me." He said frustrated himself. A bit frustrated with himself too. "But he needs it more."
"You don't need to give up your afternoon." Janus said, putting his hand on Logan's shoulder only to have it shrugged off.
"I don't feel like having an afternoon anymore." Logan lied. "Excuse me." He said in his best big person voice and he walked away. This time he did go to his room. No one called out after him.
Logan sat on his bed and pulled his legs up to his chest. He was stupid to think he could have time. He just ended up ruining everyone's day. He ruined Patton and Roman's day when he left and made them worry. Then he ruined Janus and Remus' day by dragging them away from their game. He made everyone feel awful just because he couldn't give up his day.
He was being selfish. Maybe he did deserve to just sit in his room alone as a punishment.
It was several minutes before there was a knock at his door. "Hey, mind if I join you? I won't take long." Roman asked. Logan shrugged and he walked in, he didn't sit down.
"I'm sorry." Logan said.
"Hey, that's my line." Roman said softly, a slight tease in his voice. Logan didn't banter back though, he didn't really have it in him. He wasn't even sure why he was here. He sighed and curled in on himself more.
"Logan...I really am sorry. I didn't mean to take your special day." Roman tried to explain to him. Even though he really didn't want to hear it anymore, there wasn't anywhere else for him to go. So he simply continued to refuse to look at the other.
"I...I got caught up in my own head. I... I really needed Patton today. And he should have told me no if he knew he had promised to be with you. But I think he thought he could balance us both." Roman continued on without the other prompting him to. Logan huffed and turned his head.
"He's not very good at balancin'" He mumbled under his breath. Roman didn't defend Patton, which Logan really appreciated in the moment.
"He's not. But that's not your fault. And I don't think it's my fault either. I think we just... we both needed the same thing. And it all just kind of fell apart because of that." Roman said, before growing quiet.
Logan sat thinking about it. It wasn't Roman's fault. It wasn't his fault either. He could have handled it better. Patton could have explained to him that it was important.
"What happens now?" Logan asked, looking up at Roman. He wasn't going to argue if he decided he needed Patton today.
"Rock paper scissors for it?" Roman said, holding up his hands.
"What?" Logan asked.
"You win, you get to decide what happens. If I win, I decide." Roman said. That seemed fair.
Logan lifted his hands and they both did rock. Then paper. Then, Logan won with Rock when Roman did scissors. Roman smiled at him. "Alright then. What happens now?"
Logan thought about it for a moment. Roman needed someone right now, and that someone was Patton. But he also wanted to spend time with Patton. "What if we all hang out today." He said. not meeting the other’s eyes in case he thought Logan was being awful for being so fussy only to end up where they started. "And I get a Patton only day tomorrow?"
"Are you sure?" Roman asked. Logan nodded. He could share the day since Roman needed it. He wasn't stealing Patton on purpose. "Okay! Then I'll race you back to the living room!" Roman took off.
"Hey!" Logan yelled, having to scramble off his bed to chase after him.