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I’ll Jump if You Jump

Summary:

Courage isn't what Maverick thinks it is.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Maverick has always prided himself on being brave and honest — two things he knows his father was. No matter how many people in the Navy told him otherwise, he knows in his bones that his father, Duke Mitchell, had been brave, and he had been honest. 

And so, though Maverick knows he isn't a lot of things — he isn't punctual, he isn't a team player, he doesn't care much for the rules — he is brave, and he is honest. That's how he flies his plane, and that's how he lives his life.

Which is why, even though Maverick knows he is flawed he isn't ashamed of any part of himself. Maverick is honest, most of all to himself, and that's why he has no trouble accepting just how attractive Iceman 'asshole' Kazensky is.

 

+++

 

Maverick thinks Iceman is a coward because Iceman does everything by the books. Iceman doesn't trust his instincts, and most of all, he doesn't trust Maverick. 

Iceman is a coward because he needs others to set the rules for him and he'll just follow them, no questions asked.

Iceman is a coward because he'll return Maverick's gaze, and he'll let Maverick brush his fingers against his own, and press against his side in the O-club and when Maverick kisses him in the dark, he’ll let him, but then he’ll push him away like he’s burnt. Iceman is a coward because he won’t talk about it the next day.

 

+++

 

Maverick is brave because Maverick never backs away from a fight, or uncomfortable confrontations. Maverick is brave because he doesn't back away this time either.

He'll corner Iceman in the locker room when he knows everyone has left because Maverick is brave, but he's not stupid (sometimes).

He'll lock Ice between his arms, palms flat against the wall on either side of Iceman's torso even though the man towers over him, and he'll ask him, "What was that all about?" And when Iceman pretends like he doesn't know what he's talking about, Maverick will press closer to him. 

Maverick demands honesty because he's always honest with everyone. 

Iceman can't give him honesty because he isn't honest with himself.

Instead, he'll place his hand on Maverick's chest for a beat longer than he needs to before pushing him off of him with a "get out of my way Mitchell. That never happened."

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But then again, Iceman is not honest, so he'll still watch Maverick from across the club, and across the classroom, and across the tarmac. But he's not brave, so he'll keep his hands and his desires to himself.

 

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Maverick would say he's always been brave, others would say he's always been reckless. He's never known the difference, but maybe he's starting to.

Maybe, he thinks, they're right because what else could explain him shoving Iceman into a stall in the men's room at the O-club which is crawling with Naval officers who could get them both dishonorably discharged, and blowing him like his life depended on it?

+++

Iceman isn't brave, so he'll wait until the ass crack of dawn when he knows no one will be up — not the late night party-goers returning home, and not the early-morning joggers — to show up at Maverick's assignment. Iceman is not brave, so he'll always insist on keeping the curtains closed and the lights off.

Iceman's not brave, so he'll sneak out when Maverick is asleep again, and he’ll always wear gym clothes and walk back to his own place so that if he does run into someone he knows, he can pretend like he was out for a run.

Iceman is not honest, so later, he'll always say, "It was a mistake", and, "I'm not like you," and "This can never happen again".

+++

Maverick is brave. He's so brave he thinks he can be brave for both of them. He can give Iceman the space he needs to not scare him off because Maverick knows Iceman is not brave, and Maverick is brave enough to trust that Iceman will keep coming back to him. 

But Maverick is honest, and he can't help being honest with others. So eventually, he can’t help telling Iceman how he feels, consequences be damned, and he's brave, so he'll serve Ice his heart on a platter knowing it'll be crushed, battered, and bruised.

+++

Maverick is honest, and he's always been honest, and he's honest when he says he can't deal with Iceman's cowardice anymore.

Because Maverick is brave, and it’s always got him in trouble, and also left him alone.

 

Iceman isn’t honest, so he'll tell Maverick he doesn’t care.

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Iceman isn't brave, so it isn’t easy for him. Iceman isn’t brave, so he'll second-guess himself again and again and again. Iceman isn’t brave, so he has to force himself to leave his house, and he’s shitting bricks when he shows up at Maverick’s.

Iceman isn't brave, but for once in his life, if he’s being completely honest, he wants to be.

+++

Maybe, courage isn't what Maverick thinks it is. 

Maverick's never known fear because Maverick's never had anything to lose. He gets off on flirting with danger. The way he flies, and the way he pisses off superiors is enough to know he doesn’t care much about consequences. He’ll fly till he can, and he’ll go when he can’t anymore. And maybe, he thinks, that’s why he can afford to be brave and honest.

Iceman, on the other hand, is ol’ time pals with fear. He grew up with it, and it's shadowed him well into his adulthood. He fights it every day just to be able to keep his head above water, and that’s probably what courage really is, thinks Maverick — to have voices in your head constantly tell you you're wrong, and to still accept yourself; to show up at Maverick's door knowing that your career, your honor, your dignity, your faith, your father’s approval, your relationship with your family and friends, are all on the line. 

Maverick thinks he’s brave, but Ice is courageous because Ice shows up even though he’s shaking, and he holds Maverick even though he looks like he’s the one that needs comforting, and he tells Maverick he loves him back, even though it's only going to destroy him.

Maverick has always been brave, and he’s always been honest, but he wants to shroud Ice away from the world, camouflage what they have, throw everyone off their scent, and lie for them for as long as he has to because, honestly, all he ever needed was a bit of Ice’s courage and honesty to be able to keep going.

The End.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! I just had to get this one out of me.

Please do leave me your thoughts. I'd love to hear what you have to say :)