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Baldur's Gate was not at all like Laz was expecting. They had grown up in the Underdark, after all. Despite their boasting and the epic tales they spun at every inn along their journey, they were not as well traveled as they implied. Moonrise Towers had seemed to be the peak of modern architecture when they had first seen it, though they pretended to be unimpressed. It was endlessly surprising that Karlach and Shadowheart seemed genuinely unimpressed with the sheer enormity of it. How could they fathom it? A tower that scraped the heavens with no cave ceiling or walls to support it. They had truly been under the impression that a city as notable as Baldur's Gate was simply a particularly expansive village, perhaps with a handful of notable towers.
Oh how foolish they felt now, surrounded by sheer walls of brick and mortar. The buildings rose up as if to compete with each other, bellying dozens of living quarters and stores alike. The sheer number of people moving about was staggering. Surely the entire city could be this dense? They could hardly even count the number of people within sight, and they were hardly past the gates!
Apparently Laz was unable to quell their gobsmacked expression, "You okay there, soldier? I know, it's a lot to take in the first time." Karlach ribbed them gently, their adorable smile as radiant as always.
"I'm simply shocked that we made it, despite everything." Laz quickly lied, cursing their wavering voice.
Karlach looked unconvinced, but nodded along good-naturedly. Lae'zel simply scowled. "It is pitiful to watch you lie like this. Your silver tongue is usually far more effective. Is this city that impressive to you?"
Laz sighed, pulling their mask further up their face. They should've known their closest friends could see through their bullshit. "Honestly? Yeah. Nothing in the Underdark particularly prepares you for this. The books and stories I've known did not do it justice. I hardly believe that this many people can live so... close to each other."
"I can't wait to see your head spin when we get to the city proper." Shadowheart laughed.
Laz stopped walking, turning to Shadowheart with a wide eyed look. "This... is not the city?"
"This is the lower city," Karlach gently consoled, pointing into the distance. "The rest is up there." For the first time, Laz looked up. Beyond the buildings in front of them, beyond the towers so distant they were faded, was an impossible expanse. The city simply... continued. They climbed along the surface of the mountain, conforming to the slope, and conquering it. The distant buildings seemed small from here, but Laz knew that was a trick of perspective.
All at once, Laz felt... terrifying small. Inconsequential. "Oh," was all they muttered.
"It is intimidating, to be sure." Wyll said reassuringly. "But you do get used it."
"And don't forget, this is hardly a one of a kind!" Gale said, "Waterdeep is this and so much more! In fact-" Wyll, bless his heart, put a hand over Gale's mouth, dragging him away. Presumably to inform him why that little fact was not reassuring in the slightest.
Laz took a second to simply gaze at it all, as if the extra time would somehow make it make sense. Karlach, bless her heart, stood by their side patiently while the rest of the party went on ahead. The only other person that appeared as out of place as Laz felt was Halsin, but he was not shocked so much as mildly uncomfortable by the lack of greenery.
They had done incredible things, Laz knew, but it was hard not to feel powerless here. They were expected to protect all of this? From a force that demons from hell worried they could not defeat?
"Come on, love." Karlach murmured, entwining their hands with surprisingly grace. "We need to find an inn to rest at. It's a lot, but it'll be easier to handle with some food and rest."
Laz let them self be lead along, following the baldurians as they navigated the near maze-like city. They could dimly register that they were arguing over what accommodations to seek. Astarion seemed to want something more regal than what Wyll and Karlach were proposing. "We're adventures for god's sake! We've fought a god's chosen and won! Surely we can afford more than a Tavern."
They continued to argue, and Laz attempted to drown their voices out. Everything was too much. In the last few days they had gotten used to hearing the passing thoughts of their friends; there were few secrets between them, after all. Idly hearing thoughts of hunger was of little consequence.
But now those surface thoughts were a constant wave of noise, battering against the walls of their mind. They could feel the tadpole squirming behind their eye, similarly overwhelmed by the sheer number of thoughts that could not be put out. Not for the first time, Laz cursed the tadpole. The wrenched thing was the cause of everything, and a continued thorn in their side.
They were approaching an inn now, and Laz double checked that their mask was secured properly, obscuring the lower half of their face while the cowl of their hood covered the top half. They were not used to hiding their face; it was usually one of their greatest assets. Little was as disarming yet so dangerous as a pretty face. But that was far behind them.
Karlach squeezed Laz's hand, recognizing the thoughts running through Laz's mind. They weren't alone, Karlach reminded. They had her, and everyone else, too. As if they would let anything happen to Laz simply for their appearance. Laz simply squeezed back, understanding but still cautious. Worried.
The interaction was interrupted when Shadowheart gave Laz a worried look, eyes flicking between them and Astarion, who was passionately arguing with the innkeeper.
Not for the first time, Laz stepped in to defuse the situation. Apologizing for Astarion's attitude (again, not the first time) and negotiating for the upper suite. A quick dip into their thoughts gave them the insight they needed to close the deal.
"I'm sorry about my friend here, he gets a little... intense. But how can he not be? With the murders going about, everyone is on edge, us included." Laz argued, leaning over the counter. "Surely having the rooms occupied by a band of daring adventures would be advantageous? It'll surely get folks to calm down."
The innkeeper eyed them wearily, gaze resting on their heavily covered face. "Aye, that's true." They admitted after some hesitation. "Just mind yourselves, yeah? No funny business. Top floor is yours until this killer thing blows over."
"Thank you, you won't regret this!" Laz said brightly. To their chagrin it only seemed to worsen things for the innkeeper, who waved them off.
"You know, darling, your charisma is not quite as reassuring when you are hiding your face." Astarion said, as they climbed the stairs.
"I know." Laz growled. "But what is the alternative? Show them my face?"
"I'm just saying, maybe some makeup could hide it. I'm quite skilled with a disguise kit, you know."
"Or a hint of a magic." Gale added gently, "I do know some spells that could hide your appearance."
The thought of having to put on a disguise simply to appear as they once had was appalling. The cowl and mask were not much better, but at least they weren't lying.
"I'm fine, thank you." Laz bit out.
Astarion and Gale shared a look and seemed to give up, climbing up towards their room. Karlach squeezed their hand once more.
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The innkeeper was not joking; they were given a floor. It was opulent and extravagant. Cushioned chairs and sofas lined the walls and lightly gently shone in from the numerous windows. It was one of the nicest places Laz had ever seen. Frankly, the opulence rivaled some throne rooms they'd been in before this.
"I suppose this will suffice." Astarion sighed, as Shadowheart rolled their eyes.
They quickly began to take space, Laz claiming a bed and dresser in the corner. They began to doth their armor, shedding the pieces and organizing them neatly on the dresser. They had journeyed far, and everything was beginning to show wear. They unwrapped their mask and removed their cowl in one motion, setting them aside.
By chance, they caught a view of themself in the mirror. Large, purple veins streaked along their neck and face. It was vicious. It looked painful. Even against their dark, drow skin, the changes looked like a disease was overtaking them. This was a being that was cursed. Someone who had challenged the impossible and had been found wanting. Someone weak and willing to bargain with a power that threatened their very life.
The veins glowed faintly when they heard others' thoughts. In fact, just now, they glowed as Laz could hear the thoughts of Gale across the room. People tended to unconsciously open their mind more when talking to others, even as everyone here and gotten used to closing their thoughts from each other.
He seemed to be talking to Wyll. They were both concerned about Laz. About their changes. Gale was... nearly distrusting of them. Of their judgment. It hurt Laz to hear, though they understood. Wyll, brought up his experience with his pact. How his pact did not make him a lesser man, which Gale conceded.
"What are you thinking about, soldier?" Karlach interrupted, sitting on Laz's bed. "You look... upset."
"Nothing you don't know about," Laz said with a small smile. "Thank you, by the way, for what you said before we walked into the inn. About my face and all that. It's easy to forget that you are all behind me."
"I... don't remember saying anything." Karlach furrowed their brow in confusion, "I'm glad I helped, though?"
Equally confused, Laz thought back to the moment. Dimly, they realized that Karlach hadn't said anything. Laz had just ... read their thoughts and intentions without meaning too. "Right! I mean, you didn't *say* anything. But your presence was... reassuring."
Karlach, again, didn't look convinced, but smiled warmly. "Of course, soldier. Anything for you. I'll fight to the bitter end with you."
"And I'll follow you into the depths of Avernus." Laz whispered.
"Maybe I can show you around the place," Karlach joked dryly. "There's a great inn there, best stew I've ever had."
"Really?" Laz played along.
"No, of course not." The tiefling laughed, "All that's down this is some fire, some more fire, and oh look! More fire!"
Being with Karlach was easy, it always had been. It was why they had been attracted to each other from the start. But... Laz needed advice from someone else, they thought.
"I'll be right back, love. I need to talk to Wyll." Laz said, leaving Karlach with a kiss.
"Don't keep me waiting too long." Karlach said.
Laz stepped towards where Gale and Wyll were still conversing. Wyll was seated in a sofa, boots half off as Gale paced in front of him. Laz didn't want to surprise them, knocking gentling on the wall "Sorry to interrupt, but could I talk to you Wyll?"
If Wyll was surprised to see Laz suddenly, it didn't show in his features. "Oh, of course!" He said.
Gale, however... "I'll uh- get right out of you hair." He said, coughing into his hand. Sliding past Laz in a sharp motion. Wyll just sighed, shaking his head.
"I'm guessing you heard all that?" Wyll broached.
"Through the tadpole." Laz murmured, tapping the side of their head. They sunk into a plush chair next to Wyll.
Wyll hummed as he finished taking his boots off. He was in the middle of taking off his bracers when Laz said, "How did you cope with it?"
"You mean the...?" He motioned to his horns. "It took a while, to be honest. I had to keep reminding myself why I made the choice. That it was the right one."
Laz nodded along, not wanting to interrupt.
"But mostly... I just realized it said nothing about me. I mean, does it really make me any different from Karlach, for example? She's got horns and we all know that she has the biggest heart out of all of us." Wyll reached for a rag out of his backpack, "You know, she had a good oil recommendation for these. Oddly enough, cleaning the horns is just... part of my routine now."
"They have been looking shinier." Laz joked.
"Honestly, I'm growing quite fond of them." Wyll polished his horns with the rag, and Laz couldn't help but wonder if he just doing it for their sake. "What I'm saving, Laz, is that choosing that power doesn't make you a worse person. Just... a different one. Maybe one with horns."
Laz swallowed hard. "What if... what if I didn't choose it, though?"
"Well, we can always imagine what-ifs but what matters-"
"No." Laz bit out, "I mean- I mean I didn't want it. Even then. When we were in the astral prism. And... he gave me that wretched, evolved tadpole..." Laz trailed off, tears welling up. "I didn't want it. But as soon as it was in my hand I couldn't keep it away."
Wyll stopped, recognition in his eyes. "Oh my gods. Laz; I didn't know."
"I'm never going to be the same Wyll. And he forced it on me. What was I going to do? Say no to the only thing stopping us all from turning into mindflayers?" They asked bitterly, balling their hands up.
"It was a cruel situation to put you in." Wyll murmured. "Do you regret it?"
"I... I think so? Hearing everyone's thoughts constantly is... not ideal." Laz said. "But it's getting harder to hate it. And that's..."
"You fear that part of the transformation is making you want the ilithid powers." Wyll said more than asked.
Laz nodded weakly. "Or perhaps; The Emperor," Laz spat out, "is making me want them. I... I don't know."
"Well, to me, you're same old Laz." Wyll said, dropping an arm around Laz. They looked up to him in surprise. "I haven't noticed any changes beyond the physical. It's hard to imagine anything changing you, of all people."
Laz wasn't sure if that was reassuring or not.
"It is still possible to find a cure. Unlikely, to be sure. But it is no devil's pact."
Definitely not reassuring.
"Just... let us help, yeah? If the changes to your face are part of what's hurting you... I say let Gale or Astarion hide it. And if using the new powers can help," Wyll shrugged. "I say go for it. If you're going to suffer for power, at least leverage it."
Laz nodded, wiping the tears that threatened to fall. "Yeah. Maybe. Thank you, Wyll. You've... given me a lot to think on."
"Of course. I'm just glad I can be of service."
Laz stood up from their seat, not completely absolved of their worries, but certainly lighter. They certainly had not chosen to become part-ilithid. And they certainly did not want to fully transform- but the damage was done. Perhaps, with a little work, they could be stronger for it, not weaker.
Karlach welcomed them into bed, as always, and for the first time in a week, Laz found peace.
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In the morning, Astarion was dotting various pigments on his skin. Laz had once asked how he made sure it looked right because he couldn't see himself in the mirror. He just guesses, he'd said. "It's uneven." Laz said off-handedly as they sat up on his dresser.
"Do you mind?" He scathed with a dramatic sigh, "This is incredibly delicate work, dear."
"I'll do yours if you do mine." Laz said with faux-nonchalence.
Astarion stopped his motions for a second, "Oh? Had a change of heart, did you?"
"Don't rub it in." Laz sighed.
"Fine." Astarion said, handing Laz the brush. "But you're going to pay for a new palette, because you're going to need a lot of makeup to hide all that."
And, despite themself, Laz laughed. "It is kind of a lot, isn't it?"