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Watching the love of your life be happy with someone else never seemed to get easier. Cas isn’t sure why he ever thought it would.
Thanksgiving at the Novak household is always a rather painful affair. There’s a reason most of his siblings skip Christmas (and would skip Thanksgiving, too, if not for how hard their mother, Naomi, worked to schedule it). The family celebration was kept small this year, only immediate family and their spouses, which meant Gabriel had brought Dean.
Dean, Gabe’s boyfriend of two years now, who seemed designed to annoy Naomi Novak as much as possible. Dean, who hadn’t graduated high school but is one of the smartest, kindest people Castiel knows, who could reassemble a car from memory and worked at a mechanic’s shop (“I’m very good with my hands,” Dean had told Cas with a wink, after the first Thanksgiving they met). Dean, who practically raised his brother and put him through college, even if he rarely told anyone about it. Who was great with any kid he came across, who made Cas breakfast every morning he crashed at Dean and Gabe’s shared apartment, who blared old rock music while driving and cracked movie references left and right, only to glance back at Cas to make sure Cas found it funny.
Dean, who is standing in some intimate corner on the far side of the room, laughing at some joke Gabriel made while Dean’s arm (sunkissed, strong) snaked around Gabriel’s waist.
Jealousy burns in Castiel’s stomach as he watches them, even as he tries to chase it down with tiny bites of the under-baked pumpkin pie Anna brought.
(Cas had watched as Dean tried the pie earlier, all but licking his plate clean. He refused to believe Dean actually enjoyed the pie that much, though he had to stop that line of thinking as soon as it devolved into thinking about how much Dean would appreciate Gabriel’s pie.)
Selfishly, he’d been hoping Gabriel wouldn’t bring Dean this year. With Sam being in town for break, and with how much Dean clearly adores his baby brother– apple green eyes lighting up at any mention of Sam, eager to brag about how well Sam’s been kicking ass at Stanford– Cas had been hoping Dean would be spending his Saturday evening with Sam.
Apparently Cas is not that lucky, and now he finds himself watching like a stalker, cataloging every one of Dean’s movements, trying to stop himself from daydreaming about those same affections being directed towards him.
Cas is pretty sure Gabriel’s hand is in the back pocket of Dean’s jeans. He abruptly throws his plate away, the visual of the trash can much more pleasant.
(It was much easier when he was staying at their apartment. Dean and Gabriel were much less openly affectionate, and Dean made very good breakfast, especially when only Dean and him were around to enjoy it, together , making quiet, intimate conversation in their– Dean and Gabriel’s, not Cas’s, never Cas’s– shared kitchen.)
“You wanna get out of here?”
Cas jumps at the sound of Dean’s voice. He prays his face isn’t as red as it feels. “Hello, Dean.”
“Gabe and I were talking about making our excuses and heading out. We can jailbreak you, too, if you want,” Dean offers again.
Cas sighs into his mostly-empty water glass. He’d run out of energy to both deal with his family and his brother’s relationship.
“That would be very nice, thank you.”
“You’re crashing at our place again, right?”
Cas can hear the sizzle of bacon, see Dean’s sleep-ruffled hair and threadbare Led Zeppelin shirt. He should say no, get a hotel or something, or take up Naomi on her offer to let him have his old room back. But Cas has always been a weak man, which is why he is still crushing on his brother’s boyfriend after a year of knowing they’re together.
“Yes, if that’s okay,” Cas says.
Dean beams. Cas swallows the feelings of guilt that rise up in his throat. Dean is still his brother’s boyfriend. Making Dean happy should not make Castiel so happy.
As it turns out, when Dean and Gabe put their minds to something, it can happen fairly quickly. It takes a round of Gabe being much more handsy with Dean while Dean regales the story of how they met– at a strip club, of all things– that has their mother’s mouth pinching with disapproval. When Gabe claps his hands and says it’s time for them to head out, their mother makes no complaints, and Cas is quick to leave with them.
Once they get to the safety of Dean’s precious Impala, things change between Gabe and Dean. The handsiness falls away to staying a good foot away while sitting in the car’s front bench seat, and the fiercely jealous creature in Cas’s chest purrs with contentment.
It’s late when they get back to Gabe and Dean’s apartment, and Cas crashes on the couch like usual, trying his best to stop himself from dreaming about beaming smiles, freckles, and the feeling of a strong arm snaking around his back.
When Cas wakes up, it’s to the familiar scent of coffee and the sizzle of bacon in a pan.
He rubs his eyes blearily, hoping his bed hair isn’t too messy, or the creases on his face too obvious, as he stumbles into the kitchen to see Dean perfecting an omelet on the stove.
“Morning, Cas,” Dean says, looking far too chipper to be the same Dean that Gabe always talks about being an angry sleeper. “Coffee?”
Cas nods, gratefully taking the mug Dean passes him. He tries not to read too much into the fact that the steaming liquid has the perfect amount of sugar and cream. “Good morning, Dean.”
Dean plates up the first omelet, sliding it to Cas, before turning to add the second set of eggs to the pan. Even when perfectly awake, watching Dean in the kitchen is fascinating, like watching a ballet dancer on stage. Cas knows Dean never had much of a stable home growing up, and certainly not one with a kitchen, and he can see how much the other man delights in taking advantage of the kitchen he has now.
“What’s your plan for today?” Dean asks, his tone forcefully casual.
Cas takes a sip of his coffee. He hopes he isn’t imposing. And he certainly doesn’t want to spend his whole drive home wondering what Dean and Gabriel are up to that he couldn’t be around for. “I was planning on returning home this afternoon, unless you need me out sooner.”
“No!” Dean clears his throat, adding, “Sorry, I just meant Gabe and I aren’t planning on kicking you out. Actually I was wondering…I’m supposed to drive my brother Sammy to the airport today. And the kid’s been asking to meet you, so if you’re not doing anything else, you could come along.”
“Sam wants to meet me?” Cas supposes it makes sense– Dean has already met Gabe’s family, of course it would be time for Dean’s family to start meeting them.
“I’ve told him a couple stories about you,” Dean admits. He clears his throat, adding, “I can take you out to dinner after, if you want. Just us.”
Just them. Cas’s hand curls tighter around the coffee mug. It’s a tempting thought. Dangerous.
Cas can’t stop himself from agreeing. “I would be honored to spend time with you and your brother, Dean.”
Cas remembers, one night, shortly after that first Thanksgiving, asking Gabriel about Dean.
“Dean? Yeah, he’s great,” Gabriel had said, barely glancing up from the Candy Crush level he was on. “It’s not, you know, real, but he’s a good guy.”
Cas has always tried not to dwell too much on Gabriel’s words, or at the pounding thought in his chest that Cas would treasure a relationship with Dean as real , no matter what. But now, sitting in the car between Dean and the younger brother he so obviously cared for, Cas cannot understand how Gabriel can believe Dean– the man who does everything for love– is even capable of having a relationship that isn’t real.
Led Zeppelin is softly playing throughout the car, accompanied by the backing track of Sam and Dean’s nostalgic chuckles.
“Trust me, Cas,” Dean says, pointing his thumb at Sam, “if it weren’t for Dad being late that Christmas, this one here would still believe in Santa Claus.”
“I would not,” Sam grumbles.
“You believed in the Easter Bunny until you were twelve.”
“I was eleven!”
“Eleven and a half, maybe.” Dean catches Cas’s eyes through the rearview mirror, giving Cas a playful eyeroll, as if to say, can you believe this guy?
“What about you, Cas? You got any family traditions Dean should know before he joins the family?”
Dean’s head whips around to glare at Sam so fast that Cas is impressed the car didn’t crash. “Shut up, bitch. You can always walk to California.”
“Jerk.” Sam shakes his head, adjusting himself in the front seat so he can see Cas better. “Seriously, though, do you have any family traditions?”
“Thankfully, our mother only makes us participate in Thanksgiving. I’m not sure I could stand the rest of the holidays,” Cas admits with a wry smile. “Gabriel and I will usually meet up for birthdays. He enjoys milking me for as many sweets as possible for his birthday.”
Sam laughs. “For Dean, it’s birthday pie. He’ll eat the whole thing by himself.”
“Yeah, well, not all of us are rabbits.”
The ride passes by quickly, with Sam and Dean keeping up a steady stream of stories and banter. Cas is almost disappointed when they pull up outside the airport.
He fights a smile as he watches Dean’s mother-hen routine with Sam (“Did you pack your laptop charger this time?” “You’ve asked me that three times, Dean. Yes, I have it.” “Well, I’m not paying the express shipping fee if I gotta mail something back.” “I’ll be fine.”). And then he remembers that they still have their dinner together, and he forces himself to think of Gabriel before he can get too lost in the delusion of their dinner being a date. Of Cas being the one who would join Dean’s family.
Are Dean and Gabriel planning on getting married? Is that what Sam’s comment meant?
Cas doesn’t think he can stomach asking. He boxes it up and shuts it inside the back corner of his mind along with all the other Dean-related things he isn’t supposed to think about.
Dean sits back into the car, pulling the Impala out of the airport parking lot. He glances at Cas, who migrated to the front seat at Dean’s request. “So, dinner? Just you and me? I know a great hole in the wall diner a half an hour south of my place.”
Dean’s smiling at Cas in a way that makes Cas’s stomach burn with desire.
“Okay,” Cas says. “I would like that very much, Dean.”
Dinner with Dean is the most fun Cas has had in a long time.
The diner is just as good as Dean promised, especially the cheeseburger Dean orders for Cas. The conversation between them flows easily, as Dean snatches fries off Cas’s plate and trades stories about his childhood with Sam with how Cas grew up.
Dean says the same thing, as he pulls up outside his and Gabriel’s apartment building, his eyes almost hungry as they sweep over Cas’s body. Cas can feel their heavy green gaze, trailing over his chest and watching his lips.
Cas swallows, his mouth dry, his stomach boiling with a fierce number of emotions– disgust, desire, guilt.
“Can I tell you a secret, Cas?”
Cas wants to know all of Dean’s secrets. The downward slope of this cliff has never looked more tempting, the cliffside dotted with golden freckles, the depths below painted bright green.
“The only reason I kept things up with Gabriel as long as I did was because it was the only way I could stay close to you.”
Panic is the next emotion that grips Cas’s chest. He can’t do this– not to Gabriel.
As Dean’s eyes close and his lips move closer, Cas flails, grabbing the water bottle in the cup holder and throwing it.
“What the hell, Cas?” Dean sputters, wiping the traces of water from his eyes, his face and shirt dripping. He opens his eyes, and Cas steels himself against the obvious disappointment there. “Did you not– am I misreading things here, man? Because I thought–”
“The only sign you should be reading is the one that says you and Gabriel are dating.”
Cas yanks the door open, nearly tripping in his desperation to get out of this car.
“Cas, wait!”
Behind him, he hears Dean’s door open and close, but he couldn’t risk turning around, feeling sick to his stomach.
Dean’s footsteps grow closer, splashing in street puddles, and Cas feels Dean’s hand on his arm. He shrugs it off quickly as he walks across the apartment parking lot.
Dean doesn’t give up. He reaches for Cas’s arm again. “If this thing with Gabriel is really bothering you, I can put a stop to it.”
Cas turns around, wrenching his arm out of Dean’s grip and crossing his arms over his chest in a gesture that feels more defensive than anything. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? Is that what is going to happen to me, too, when you get tired of me?”
“What does that even mean?”
“He’s my brother, Dean. I won’t betray him. I won’t let you do this to him.”
Cas expects Dean to look guilty– or angry, at being caught, or plaster on some charming smile to try and flirt his way into Cas’s pants. He doesn’t expect the confusion on Dean’s face.
Then, after a moment, the confusion melts into realization, then exasperation. “Gabriel was supposed to tell you that our relationship was fake.”
“Fake?” Cas’s arms uncross over his chest.
It’s not, you know, real , but he’s a good guy.
As Gabriel’s words replay in his head, Cas can do nothing but stare at Dean, whose expression is quickly turning sheepish under the yellow-tinted lamps of the parking lot.
“Fake,” Dean confirms. “Last year, he wasn’t looking forward to seeing his family again and wanted to have some fun with it. Sam had exams to study for and I was exactly the kind of guy his mom would hate, so we…faked it.” He scrambles for his phone. “You can call Gabe right now and ask him.”
Dean hands Cas his phone, and that gesture along with Dean’s home screen photo– Dean and Sam posing together outside of the Stanford University entrance– was more than enough to convince Cas that Dean was right.
Cas is such an idiot. How could he ever believe Dean was a cheater? “I’m sorry,” Cas says. He passes Dean back his phone. “I should never have-”
“It’s okay, Cas, I probably should’ve said something before I started flirting with you.” Dean scratches the back of his neck. “But now that we’ve confirmed I’m not a serial cheater–”
“I’ve been in love with you since Gabriel brought you home last year,” Cas says quickly.
Dean smiles, bright as the streetlamps around them. “Really? I mean– yeah, me too. Like I said in the car, getting to see you was one of the best parts about fake-dating Gabriel.” Dean clears his throat, trying for a more flirtatious smile as he asks, “Do you think we could do dinner sometime? As a date?”
Cas can’t nod fast enough, feeling the smile take over his lips. “I’d like that.”
Dean steps forward, taking Cas’s hand. “And…what about a kiss?
This time, Cas is too busy leaning in to Dean to respond. Their lips meet, Dean’s warm and soft and insistent, tasting faintly of the cheeseburgers he’d insisted Cas ordered at the diner, and his hands come up to gently cup the side of Cas’s face. When Dean pulls away, Cas leans his forehead against Dean’s, and for once, he doesn’t feel bad for staring into Dean’s green eyes.
When they walk past Gabriel sitting on the couch, fingers tightly intertwined as they walk into Dean’s room, Gabriel doesn’t even bother to hide his snicker.
“Took you long enough, Dean-o. Or was Cas the one who finally had to man up and ask you out?”
“Shut up.”
“Hey, Dean, if you’re going to have my little brother does that mean I can ask Sam–”
“If you even look at Sam I will kill you,” Dean snaps.
The threat didn’t seem to deter Gabriel at all, whose grin only grew wider. Using their joined hands, Cas tugs Dean into his bedroom.