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Crowley watched as Aziraphale gave him one last look, before stepping into the elevator after the Metatron, and leaving him forever. It felt like a punch to the gut, one of many he’d gotten in only the past few minutes, along with “Nothing lasts forever” and “I forgive you”. Crowley gripped the Bentley tight, standing there for what could have been long hours for mere seconds. The world moved around him but he felt completely separate. Feeling like a part of him had been brutally ripped away from him and now he was just a broken shell floating in the air. Crowley thought maybe it would have hurt happening the second time round but it was just as painful. It wasn’t until he felt a hand on his shoulder that he jolted back into his body. It was Nina, gripping him tight with a concerned look on her face, eyes scanning him up and down in a way that made Crowley want to crawl away so she couldn’t see him.
“Are you okay? What happened to you?” She said in a low voice, looking at the customers sitting outside her café, who were also looking at Crowley with confused looks. Crowley furrowed his brow and threw them all seething looks.
“I’m fine.” He huffed, releasing his iron grip on the Bentley and waving away the dent he’d left on it.
“Really? Because you’ve been standing next to your car like a statue for near on an hour now, just staring at the pub. It’s starting to creep people out to be honest. You waiting for your angel to come out or something?”
Crowley winced. Your angel. He could’ve laughed. When he gave no answer Nina squeezed his shoulder and pulled him towards the café. Crowley let himself be led, so used to being dragged around here there and everywhere at this point. Not to mention, of all the humans he had met in the past few years, Nina was admittedly the scariest. After shouting at her colleague that she was going to be taking an early lunch, Nina pushed him into the back room of the café and gestured for him to sit down on one of the small, plush armchairs. When Crowley made no movement, the whole situation feeling much too familiar for his liking, she sighed and shoved him down onto the seat, winding him slightly, then taking a seat in front of him.
“What happened?”
“I told you, I’m fine.” Crowley said, sprawling out on the armchair the way he usually does and crossing his arms, refusing to make eye contact with Nina, instead inspecting the graffiti style artwork that covered the walls.
“Yeah you’ve said. But just because you’re apparently fine, doesn’t mean nothing happened. So spill mister. Or I’ll shut the café for the rest of the day and sit with you until you talk.” Nina said, also crossing her arms and staring Crowley down.
Crowley looked at her with narrowed eyes behind his sunglasses and raised an eyebrow as if to say, ‘Oh really?’ And in response, Nina leaned back in her chair and smiled as if to say, ‘Yes. Really.’ So, Crowley sighed and began to explain.
“Well, you saw from what happened earlier that neither of us are human. I’m a demon and Aziraphale is a human. A fun kind of forbidden love you could say, for thousands of years as I said. Someone came to use during all of the drama, the Metatron. He’s the voice of God, since She never bloody speaks to any of us. He took Aziraphale away with him for a bit, that’s where he was when you and Maggie came to talk to me and gave him an offer. Gabriel – Jim – used to have a very important job up in Heaven that needed to be filled by someone and apparently Aziraphale was the perfect angel for it. But that would mean him leaving Earth for good and staying up in Heaven forever.”
“God, that’s ridiculous. I’d love to have seen the Metatron’s face when he said not.” Nina laughed lightly. The smile on her face died when she saw Crowley’s grim expression. “Mr Fell… he loves Earth. Surely he wouldn’t. He loves y-“
“Don’t say that.” Crowley snapped. “He’s gone. He wanted me to come with him, be an angel again. He doesn’t understand just how corrupt that damned place is, how much they destroyed me, quite literally. I said no, of course, but he wouldn’t let up. So he left me. Even though I did what you said.”
“You told him.” Nina said slowly. “And he still left?”
After those words the reality of it came crashing down on Crowley. He bared his soul out to Aziraphale. Told him his most intimate secret that he’d been hiding his whole existence. The whole reason for their friendship, the only reason Crowley would want to stay close to Aziraphale all these years, because of that slither of belief that Aziraphale would feel the same way. Crowley had told Aziraphale he loved him, and Aziraphale had still left. Crowley sniffed and suddenly his eyes were stinging. Fuck, he hated when this happened. It didn’t happen often. The last time it did was when he thought Aziraphale had been killed when the bookshop was burned down. Tears began to spill from his eyes and fall down his cheeks from under his sunglasses and no matter how much he willed them to stop, it was like a dam had burst, and thousands of years of sadness than he’d desperately been shoving down deep within himself was bubbling to the surface and finally breaking out. He pulled off his glasses, trying to wipe the tears away and made a strange choking sound that he’d never heard come out of his mouth before, looking at Nina with a frantic expression.
“I loved him.” Crowley managed to say through gasping breaths.
“I know.” Nina replied simply, surging forward off her chair and onto her knees in front of him, holding his arms gently.
“I loved him so much.” Crowley allowed himself to be pulled into Nina’s hug and sobbed helplessly into her shoulder. Everyone on Wickber Street suddenly felt an overwhelming and unexplained feeling of grief and despair as pure unbridled emotion poured from the demon in a way that never had before, not even when he had shut down all the electricity after seeing Gabriel in the bookshop for the first time.
Again, time passed strangely for Crowley, and he could’ve been wrapped up in Nina’s arms for long hours or mere minutes. All he knew was when he pulled away his throat was raw and his eyes were in pain. Nina lifted up her sleeve and tentatively placed it on his cheeks, wiping away the tears, a gesture Crowley would’ve slapped away any other time. But she had just seen Crowley at his most vulnerable, in a way that possibly not even Aziraphale had seen him. He figured they were long past him pushing her away from simple acts such as this.
“I’m gonna look after you.” Nina finally said in a very determined tone.
“I don’t need to be looked after, I’m a demon.” Crowley scoffed. He was trying for his usual casual and nonchalant self but he wasn’t sure he was successful with a hoarse voice and tear-stained cheeks.
“You may be a demon, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need someone to look out for you. You’ve just been through something tough for you and I won’t let you go through it alone. Whether I like it or not, you and Mr Fell did help me find Maggie, so if you really don’t want my help, just call it me repaying you. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Nina then leaned back to peer out of the window and frowned. Crowley followed her gaze and sucked in a breath through his teeth.
The people on the street and in any shop in the general vicinity were weeping, some of them wiping their cheeks incredulously, having no clue why they were so upset to the point of tears, some of them falling completely under the wave of emotion and dissolving into sobs.
“Not to mention, I don’t want you to keep doing that.” Nina added.
Crowley, despite himself and the situation, had to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Nina snorted and dropped her head, laughing as well.
That afternoon, the whole of Wickber Street wept as one. Apart from a human and a demon in the backroom of a café who laughed through their tears.