Work Text:
Gideon was going to work out. Her time at Canaan house had presented depressingly few opportunities to do so and she was determined to make time. She did, after all, consider her muscles amongst her best traits. They let her swing her big sword. More importantly, they made her look good.
This was the perfect time; Harrowhark was off God knows where, probably in some dark corner plotting and/or scheming. The Terrible Teens were asleep, and no one else was looking for her. This was it. She was going to do so many fucking push-ups and it was going to be awesome. In Gideon Nav’s estimation there were few things more important than having big muscles and being able to show them off. (To who? Dulcinea, Coronabeth, Tern just to make him jealous, definitely not Harrow. No, no, absolutely not. The only thing her muscles were for in relation to Harrow was smashing her stupid little skeletons. Definitely only that.)
But, of course, no plan in her life had ever survived Harrowhark Nonagesimus, and so just as she was starting her warm-up stretches, the hooded form of Harrow drifted into the Ninth’s quarters with a distinctly unpleasant look on her face. Gideon by now was an expert in Harrow’s unpleasant expressions: this one meant she was about to do something she expected to be extremely unpleasant.
“Why hello there my cadaverous-” Harrow quickly cut off her incredibly clever greeting, much to Gideon’s chagrin. That was going to be a good one.
“Nav.” She spat out, seemingly entirely displeased to have said it. “You are required. Come.”
“Uh, yeah, no, fuck that. Can’t you see I’m busy here? Gotta keep these in shape if I’m gonna kick more bone ass.” She flexed her biceps for emphasis. Harrow didn’t even glance at them.
“Your inane exercising can wait. There is a task I require you for.”
“And what task might this be my mistress of dread?” She asked, trying as hard as possible to convey just how uninterested she was.
Gideon could not possibly have anticipated what came next, nor the fact that she would suddenly feel an intense urge to hug her necromancer. Ew.
“Fishing.” Said Harrowhark simply.
“WHAT!?” Shouted Gideon, her face lighting up with excitement. Harrow visibly recoiled at the reaction. “Fuck YES! Harrow why didn’t you lead with that, dumbass?” Harrow simply stared at her, mouth agape. “Ok, ok, one sec I found the perfect thing for this in a storage closet the other day.” Gideon scrambled over to the dresser and fished through it for a moment before emerging victoriously with a hat. “It must’ve belonged to someone from way back, there’s some initials on the inside. J.G. Anyways check it out it’s fucking perfect.” Gideon plopped the hat on her head and spun to face Harrow, a ridiculous grin on her face. Harrow, who was about to scream at Gideon for not mentioning this discovery sooner, lost all ability to think clearly as she tried to comprehend the hat and the absurd image of it planted atop Gideon’s skull-painted head.
It was a simple hat, with a rim jutting out from the front. Embroidered on it were the words Women want me, Fish fear me. Gideon slipped on her sunglasses for full effect, her grin somehow widening even further. Harrow threw a skull at her and skulked out of the room.
~
It was raining lightly, which only made Gideon more pleased with her choice of headwear. Next to her, Harrow scowled down at the water as if she could simply stare the fish into submission.
“I’m practically an expert at this.” She was saying proudly, “I had a whole mag about fishing back on the Ninth. Well ok, it was mostly about hot women, but the hot women were fishing! I’ve got this.” Harrow merely glanced at her, unimpressed.
“What materials do you require, Griddle? I wish to be done with this before you are spotted wearing that ridiculous thing.”
“Aw, embarrassed to be seen next to someone who looks so cool and hot? I get it, I would be too.”
“You are repulsive, Nav. Now, what do you require? ”
“Well, I mean, a fishing pole. Obviously. Do you know what that is? Wait of course you don’t it’s not bones or being awful so you wouldn’t have a clue. Ok so it’s like a long pole with a string…” Gideon began to explain. It took several attempts and a visual aid to finally get the concept across before Harrow was able to mold one from bone, with sinew serving as the string.
“Gross.” Said Gideon.
“Sufficient.” Said Harrow, holding the rod out to Gideon. “You may begin.”
“Uh, we still need bait, Harrow.”
“Bait?”
“Yeah you know. Bait. Gotta make the fish come to us.”
“And what, pray tell, do fish eat, Griddle?” Asked Harrow, voice dripping with mirth.
“Uhh… I dunno meat probably? We could go to the cafeteria…”
“Unnecessary.” Said Harrow matter-of-factly, producing a bone knife and promptly slicing off the tip of her pinky. “Will this suffice?” She asked without a hint of emotion.
“You’re so fucking weird, you know that?” Muttered Gideon as she baited the hook with Harrow’s flesh.
What followed was several of the most awkward hours of Gideon Nav’s life. Sitting silently with the hook cast into the water far below, she utterly failed to think of anything to talk about. Harrow, for her part, seemed happy to retreat into her robes and glower silently at the sea. Finally, fed up with the endless awkward silence, Gideon said the first thing that came to mind.
“So, oh mistress of all things dead and boney, mind telling me why exactly we’re trying to catch a fish?”
“You wouldn’t understand.” Said the mass of black fabric next to her.
“I mean, yeah, probably, but I’m bored so talk dirty to me.” Harrow made a retching sound at this. “Come onnnn I’m not gonna shut up otherwise. Do you want to hear about the titty fishing mag? Cause I’ll tell you all about the titty fishing mag.”
“There are remarkably few things in this universe that I want less than that, Griddle. Very well. I require a freshly deceased organism in order to produce the thanergic reaction needed to progress one of the tests I have discovered. There is little organic life here besides the humans, so a fish seemed the most readily available source. Are you satisfied?”
“Can I eat it after?”
“What.” Said Harrow, more of a statement than a question.
“Can I eat it after you do your thernerthingy? I’ve always wanted to eat fresh fish.”
“I despise you.”
“That wasn’t a no.” Gideon noted with a grin. Harrow elected to respond with silence, retreating further into her cloak. Not long after, Gideon finally felt a tug at the line. “Oh shit I think I’ve got one! Harrow! I’ve got one!!”
Harrow was up and at her side in an instant. “Reel it in then, Nav. What are you waiting for?”
“Didn’t want you to miss the show, my crepuscular queen.” She said smugly, begging to reel in the fish. It didn’t take long to get it out of the water, but bringing it all the way up to the balcony on which they stood proved a lengthy process. Finally, Gideon triumphantly grabbed the small fish off the line and raised it high. “Fuck yes! Women want me, we knew this. Obvious. Fish fear me. We now have proof. The hat doesn’t lie!” She exclaimed with glee. Harrow stared at her with an expression Gideon didn’t recognize but she was too caught up in the moment to think about that very hard. “Those fishing babes would be all over me.” She added smugly, turning to walk inside. Workout completely forgotten, the only things on Gideon’s mind were her awesome hat and what the fish might taste like.
“Slow down Griddle!” Shouted her necromancer, scurrying to keep up with her long strides. “Do recall that I require the fish before you attempt to consume it.”
“You know, a thank you would be nice? I did heroically and with great effort catch a fish for you. Very chivalrous of me.”
Harrow scowled. “I will thank you, Griddle, only if you agree never to wear that accursed hat again.”
Gideon tossed it aside without a second thought. “As you wish, my midnight hagette.”
At this Harrow stopped mid stride, brow furrowed. “I…” She appeared taken aback, almost pained, that Gideon had complied so easily.
Turning back and handing her the fish, Gideon simply raised an eyebrow.
“... Thank you .” She all but whispered.
Gideon smiled wider than Harrow had ever seen.