Work Text:
Get that feeling, head is reeling
Stefan watched, dizzily, as Colin paced through the room, colours chasing after him in abstract swirls. Everything else was dark and empty, the bright blur of Colin Ritman being the only thing he could see.
You think you’re in control, but you don’t know me, babe
Stefan’s feet carried him across the room, against his will. He couldn’t hear Colin any more, or his music. He could hardly even see him. Everything had become an out-of-control series of colour and sound.
I can move you, I can soothe you
Stefan’s cheeks felt suddenly cold and he realised that Colin was touching them, with feather-light fingers. Stefan wanted to lean into the touch, but he didn’t know where to move. It felt as if it were coming from all directions.
I can take you places in a different way
Colin pulled Stefan closer, and he stumbled. He would have tripped but Colin’s grip went tighter, keeping him upright and steady.
I don’t think you understand
“I’ve given you the knowledge, I’ve set you free. Do you understand?” Colin’s eyes began to melt down his face, drooping like they had become a thick liquid.
What I’m trying to say
“Maybe,” Stefan laughed. In the back of his mind, what he was really saying was, I have no fucking clue . “Yes. Sort of.”
I’ll be your operator baby
“I’ll show you what I mean,” Colin assured him, placing his glasses back over his eyes, which suddenly became solid again. Stefan started at the sudden change.
I’m in control
“Come with me.” Colin led Stefan over to a glass door. He opened it and a cold gust of wind hit Stefan, so strong it almost knocked him backwards. Colin carried on through the doorway, unfazed.
Watch your action, close reaction
Stefan stepped out behind Colin, onto a stone balcony. Colin was looking over the edge, his short, blonde strands being blown by the wind. As Stefan stumbled over, he watched Colin, unblinkingly.
And everything you’re thinking, babe, inside your head
He eventually reached the balcony’s edge, standing opposite to Colin, with a significant gap between them. Colin’s head turned slowly, his blue eyes meeting Stefan’s.
Conversation, my creation
The wind whipped Colin’s voice, in the opposite direction, meaning when he spoke, Stefan barely heard him. But he heard enough.
Nothing that you do you do unless I said
“One of us is jumping. So who’s it gonna be?” Nobody , Stefan told himself, determinedly, despite the familiar tug, telling him to make a choice. Nobody’s dying tonight.
And you don’t know the consequences
Stefan had told Colin the consequences. “You’d die,” Stefan had insisted. “You’d die.” But Colin hadn’t cared, and he didn’t still. He was forcing Stefan to make a choice, and his only options were to kill himself or watch Colin die.
Of the things you say
Stefan tried his hardest to fight it, the words skipping past his brain and forcing themselves up his throat. He didn’t know what they were, he didn’t know if when he parted his lips, he would utter Colin’s name, or his own.
I’ll be your operator baby
“I’ll do it,” Stefan exclaimed, shocking both Colin and himself. That wasn’t what he had wanted to say. Nobody , he wished he would have responded. Nobody’s dying tonight.
I’m in control
But he couldn’t go back now. It was too late, and Colin seemed pleased, even enthusiastic. So Stefan lifted himself up onto the balcony ledge.
And all the things you tried to do, babe
Stefan struggled, hauling one leg over and pushing himself up, on both hands. In that moment, everything became real. He could feel the rough stone beneath his palms, could hear his own grunting, could feel Colin’s penetrating gaze on him as he came closer and closer to death.
And all the words we said before
Stefan laughed as he sat up, holding onto the balcony above him for support. All of a sudden, everything seemed so trivial. What had he been so worried about? Colin was right, if he died, it wouldn’t matter.
Are only part of what I started, baby
Stefan looked down at Colin, who was looking back up at him. His eyes were shining, prideful and admiring, as if Stefan was a perfectly crafted Frankenstein’s monster, and he was Dr. Frankenstein.
And you can’t stop me anymore
“I don’t want to die,” Stefan admitted. He hadn’t intended to speak. He didn’t even know the words were his own until they left his mouth. He watched, hesitantly, as Colin’s eyes widened.
Get that feeling, head is reeling
Stefan felt a sense of relief, his limbs relaxing like a marionette, cut from its strings. Finally, he didn’t feel the pressure weighing on him of a choice that wasn’t his. He had made his own choice.
You think you’re in control, but you don’t know me, babe
Stefan turned and pushed himself back onto the balcony, standing firm on his feet. Colin gazed at him, complete surprise written across his face. “That’s never been a choice before,” Colin stated.
I can move you, I can soothe you
Stefan shrugged. “I know,” he replied, and added, “I make my own choices now.” His voice was determined, and Colin was seemingly impressed.
I can take you places in a different way
“Not so quick,” Colin tutted, taking a step closer to Stefan. “I’d like to make one more choice for you, first.”
And I don’t think you understand
“Okay,” Stefan agreed, and Colin took yet another step. He was so close that he had to look down at Stefan, who looked back up at him. Stefan could feel his heart-rate picking up, his vision going blurry again as if the drugs were back in full effect.
What I’m trying to say
“I’m only going to give you two choices,” Colin began, and sniggered. “No making up your own, this time.” Stefan let out a little laugh of his own and Colin grabbed his chin between icy fingers.
I’ll be your operator baby
“You can either leave my flat, do with tonight’s information what you will and I’ll see you on the twelfth of September,” Colin suggested. Stefan raised an eyebrow. “Or?”
“Or you can kiss me,” Colin finished.
I’m in control
Stefan didn’t need ten seconds to mull that over. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Colin’s. Even his lips were cold, Stefan noticed, as Colin kissed him back. I’m in control now, he thought.