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Buck sat back on the couch and stretched his legs out before throwing his head back and closing his eyes. The TV in front of him was on low enough that only he could hear, the only sound in the otherwise silent firehouse, since everyone else was asleep. Sleep had eluded him that night, he had far too many thoughts rolling around his head, and, unfortunately, around 90% of those thoughts involved the man that had taken up residence in the bunk opposite his. The other 10% were the words that Natalia had left him with when she left his apartment for the final time the previous morning.
“Take care of yourself, Buckley. And don’t wait around too long.” She’d said as she placed the key in his hand, an all too familiar feeling. It seemed like almost every relationship he’d had had ended with that gesture. Taylor had done it, and so had Ali. There was only one person who had been given a key to his loft that hadn’t handed it back. Yet. Although, he was pretty sure that if he followed Natalia’s advice, it would probably end the same way.
In the silence, he heard footsteps heading towards him, but he didn’t open his eyes. Maybe if he stayed like that, they’d leave him alone and go back to the bunks. Closer and closer, and then they stopped right beside him. The clunk of a mug being placed on the table, followed by a second. The feel of someone stepping over his legs. The sag of the couch as they sat down beside him. A leg brushing against his, a familiar shoulder nestling in front of his as they leaned to their right. The familiar smell of shampoo and Buck’s shower gel from their shared locker as a head flopped onto their shoulders, fluffy, just washed hair tickling Buck’s neck. He opened one eye and moved his head so that they were touching.
“You weren’t there.” Eddie murmured quietly. “I was worried.”
“Couldn’t sleep. Too many thoughts.” Buck whispered back, painfully aware that he had no idea where to put his hands, so he just rested them on his lap and eyed up the tea in front of him. He wanted to lean forward and take a sip, but he also didn’t want to move Eddie. He looked comfortable. “We, um, we broke up yesterday, and it’s just...I don’t know, I’m thirty-two years old and I feel like I should have found someone by now.” He sighed. This wasn’t part of the plan. Ten years ago, the plan was to have fun, travel, see the world, then find someone sometime in the distant future. Six years ago, he thought he’d fallen in love, but she left and came back with a fiancé, and that was that. Five years ago, he met someone else, and fell for them almost instantly. And then he proceeded to try and get over them, because he was sure they were never going to feel the same way.
There had been some moments where he thought there might have been something. A memory of standing in his kitchen, strutting towards him, fingers tucked into his belt, “wanna go for the title?” , an overwhelming feeling of tension in the air.
A hospital bed, an implication that his kid was actually their kid, a promise that if anything were to happen, Buck would look after Christopher, fight for him, give him everything he ever needed. Not that he didn’t do that anyway. There was a college fund with his name on it tucked away in the bank that Eddie didn’t know about, because he was so damn stubborn that he’d probably refuse to take it.
A restaurant basement, a hidden room, a poker table. Eddie standing behind Buck as he counted cards and gathered up a ridiculous number of chips. “ how do you want your winnings?” , soft smiles, shining eyes...
But then, every time, they’d gone back to how they always were. Just Buck and Eddie. Best friends raising a kid together, being all domestic and homely. A family in almost every way. All except the way that Buck wanted them to be. Thoughts and fantasies of them tangled in the sheets, tangled in each other, all seemed to be so far out of reach. Enter Natalia. She was beautiful, she seemed interested in him, and she was different. He thought that she saw him for who he was, who he had become after the lightning strike, after his death. But as time went on, he realized that was all she was interested in. But she was a distraction, so he kept it going far longer than he should have done. Until, ironically, she left him for being too distracted with someone else.
“I’m sorry.” Eddie replied sincerely. “If it makes you feel any better, I feel the same way. Like I’m going to end up an old crochety man, alone in a rocking chair with a cat on my lap and a huge blanket over my knees.” Buck let out a small snort of laughter and grazed his lips against Eddie’s hair.
“Nah, I’m never gonna let that happen.” He tried to smile. “And besides, all those dates that Pepa set you up on, she’s not gonna rest until she finds someone for you.” Although he was seriously wondering when the woman would run out of young, eligible, Latina women for Eddie to date. If it wasn’t such a ridiculous idea, he would have been convinced that she had a warehouse full of them.
“I did find someone, and I think I blew it.” Eddie groaned slightly, and Buck felt his heart sink. Of course there was someone, why wouldn’t there be? The man was a catch, any woman would be damn lucky to have him. He just needed to believe in himself a little more, put himself first for a change...
“Yeah?” Buck managed to force out, and Eddie nodded slightly.
“Yeah, I fell for them too late. As soon as I realized that I loved him, he’d moved on.” Wait, him ? “And I know now that I was an idiot, because he was perfect for me.” OK, that hurt more. Buck could just about take it when he thought that Eddie just liked women, and that those moments were just him reading too much into it. But now that he knew that Eddie liked guys too (instead? OK, not important right now), it stung.
“Perfect, huh?”
“Yeah, perfect.” Eddie echoed. “I mean, he’s beautiful, sweet, kind, always thinking about everyone else. He doesn’t think he’s enough, but he definitely is. My kid loves him, and he’s always been there for me. He’s my best friend, and I thought that was enough, But it’s not.” He swallowed noisily, and then let out a shaky breath.
“Yeah, he sounds perfect.” Buck replied, trying desperately to keep his voice steady, his head spinning like a washing machine. A small niggle of doubt crept in, but that disappeared as soon as Eddie's hand found its way onto Buck’s lap. Staring down at it, Buck slowly placed his own left hand over it, and then used his own right to cup the man’s cheek, carefully running his thumb across pink lips. “And I don’t think you blew it. I think he thinks he did, because he was too scared to say anything for fear of ruining his friendship with the best thing he’s ever had. But, he’d very much like to kiss you, because he’s wanted to for five years and he thinks that’s long enough to wait.” He whispered before running his tongue across his dry lips. Eddie lifted his head and moved so they were facing each other before leaning in until their faces were just inches apart. Buck wasn’t sure who edged those final inches closer, it was probably 50/50, but their lips met and brushed together in a tender kiss. And it was everything that Buck had ever imagined, and more, if that was even possible. Pulling away, they pressed their foreheads together, identical smiles playing on both their lips, their breaths the only thing punctuating the air around them.
“Eds, I…” Buck eventually whispered.
“Ssh, not here. Wait til we get home.” He murmured back. Even though he was sure everyone was still asleep (it was 3am after all), there was still the chance that someone wasn’t, and they’d be overheard. “We should go back to the bunks for a few hours.” He suggested.
“Or we could just stay here...” Buck countered, making himself comfortable again, and Eddie shrugged before resuming his previous position, head resting on Buck’s shoulder, arm draped behind him.
That was how Bobby found them, three hours later, and with a fond smile on his face, he gently shook Buck awake for breakfast duty. Buck muttered that he’d be through in a minute, and Bobby nodded, then watched from behind a beam as Buck gently kissed Eddie on the forehead to wake him, gazing at him like he was the center of the entire world. They’d figured it out. At last. He could lay down the ground rules next shift, but for now, he’d just let them have their moment.
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Two weeks passed so quickly that Buck checked the date twice. Staring out of the window of his loft, he felt the familiar key being pressed into his hand, and instinctively, he closed his fingers around it. The last spare key, one he never thought he’d hold again. But there it was, cold and jagged, digging into his palm. Glancing up, his blue eyes met the familiar pair of brown ones, and he gave a sad smile before placing the offending object into the bowl on the counter that contained the others.
“Time to go, Buckley.” The words seemed to come from somewhere far away, and he glanced around his empty apartment one last time before letting Eddie lead him through the door. Locking it with the remaining key from his pocket, he sighed. No more spare keys, no more “good luck” goodbyes as he watched someone he thought he loved walk out the door. Just a new place, a new key, a new forever home.