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When Wally finally broke free from the speedforce, there had been a haze that settled over him. Everything was a blur, from the Justice League finding him to the tests he went through.
He didn’t know how long he had existed in that fog before everything snapped back into place. One second, he had been so out of it he couldn’t tell if he was breathing, couldn’t comprehend what he was seeing, and the next he could hear people talking, could feel someone holding his hand and felt each exhale rattle his chest.
“Barry?” he croaked.
Teary blue eyes met his, and Barry let out something like a sob, and the first thing Wally heard him say since his return was his name. Barry stayed by his side while more people came in, ran tests or cried over his return, and Wally felt the fog over his mind linger in the back. Artemis cried and hit him, Kaldur smiled and welcomed him back, Conner sat by his side in silence, and M’gann brought him cookies.
Dick didn’t visit. It was on the tip of his tongue, the demand to know where his best friend was. To know if he was safe.
It was only when he was alone in the infirmary in the Watchtower that everything really sunk in. Wally didn’t know how long he had been running, didn’t know how long he’d been in the speedforce. It felt surreal to be back.
Barry had left the room with the promise of bringing his favorite meals the next day, told him not to worry about anything because he’d have everything handled. Wally just needed to rest up, feel better.
No one had answered any of his questions. Along the way, Wally had just given up trying to ask for the date, trying to ask what had happened.
He only snapped back into himself when he felt something touch his hand, and he jolted, turning to look to his side. Dick looked equally shocked as he took his hand away quickly, as if Wally had burnt him. His eyes were wide, as blue as Wally had remembered but a certain tired, sad quality to them that had never been there before. His hair was longer, all over the place, and he was thinner than Wally remembered.
Again, Wally wondered how much time had passed.
“Hi,” Wally whispered. His voice was rough.
Dick stared at him like he was going to disappear, like he needed to remember every quality Wally had. Slowly, he set his hand on his lap, and attempted a smile.
“Hi.” Dick said. He sounded like he was going to cry.
Wally watched him, and Dick didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he seemed to relax the longer Wally stared at him. After a while, Dick lifted his hand again, hovering it over the hospital bed. Wally reached up and let their hands tangle together, and he saw the shiver that went through Dick’s body, the way his eyes watered.
Dick squeezed his hand and brought his other one up to frame it. He looked awed, as if he had expected to simply pass through him. Wally didn’t say anything, and Dick didn’t either. There were so many things he wanted to say, but he didn’t know how to form the words and he didn’t know if Dick would appreciate being questioned. They simply sit there, and Wally doesn’t say anything when he felt Dick’s fingers frame his pulse.
When he wakes up – and he doesn’t remember falling asleep – Dick is still sitting in the chair Barry had dragged in. He still held Wally’s hand like it was a lifeline.
“What is this?” Wally asked.
Dick gave him an amused little smile. It was strange, looking at him and seeing smiles that were quiet, secretive. Wally had always been able to read Dick well, perks of being his best friend since ten and twelve years old. But two years has passed since Dick had seen him – it felt like less for Wally – and even before that, Dick had been building walls that even Wally wasn’t allowed behind.
“Just open it, Wally.” Dick said, waving his hand at the envelope in Wally’s hands. Dick had come over to Wally’s apartment – Barry had paid the first of the bills despite Wally not wanting his hand outs, but then after Barry pouted about it, half the League decided to pitch in. So, it wasn’t like Wally was able to turn it down.
Wally sighed softly but did as requested. He untucked the papers from the envelope, and quickly read it over. Then he read it again, and a third time just to be safe.
“I don’t get it.” Wally said.
Dick quirked an eyebrow, “What don’t you get?”
“This says I got into college.” Wally set the paper down, and a pang of hurt shot through him.
He had only had a year left, before he had died. He didn’t think he wanted to redo it all again – wasn't sure how it would even work, seeing as he was legally dead –and it made him feel sick to his stomach. He always felt like that whenever he was reminded of his little trip in the speedforce. Everything reminded him of how he had been dead, and he had stubbornly hoped that Dick wouldn’t have added to that.
“Yeah.” Dick said, “I pulled some strings. You got into Keystone University.”
Wally set the papers down on the coffee table, and judging by the slight narrow of Dick’s eyes, it had been too fast for a normal human. Wally rubbed his hands together, felt static between his fingers and fought against the bile that rose in his throat. The speedforce had made him much, much faster than before, and he hated it. It was like he was a new speedster with no control of his movements, yet another reminder of the time he had lost.
“You’re upset.” Dick noted.
Wally bit his tongue to stop the snapped reply that threatened to rise. He didn’t want to argue with Dick – their last real interaction before he died had been an argument. He didn’t want a redo of that.
“I don’t want to go to college again.” Wally said carefully. “So, thanks. But.”
Dick looked thoughtful before he nodded, “That’s okay. Sorry, I just thought you’d want to finish...”
Wally shrugged, “I mean, it would be nice to get my degree, but I don’t - want to do it all over?”
Dick stared at him for a long moment before he shook his head fondly, “Wally, dude. I said I pulled some strings – you don’t have to redo everything. Just the semester you were in when...a-and onwards.”
Wally looked up at him in shock. “What?”
Dick shrugged. “I thought you’d want to finish it.”
Wally watched the way he shuffled, looking uncharacteristically unsure. When Dick looked up hesitantly, Wally felt like his breath got stuck in his throat. Wally had always loved his eyes.
“Thanks,” Wally said, his chest tightening. “Thank you.”
Dick smiled, “Of course.”
“You should come back to the team.” Artemis said, “It - it did me good.”
Wally stared at her. She’d been going by Tigress now, and she’d been doing good from what Wally had heard. He was happy for her.
“No.” Wally said, “I’m good as I am.”
Artemis made a face, a mix of pity and frustration. “Wally, I know you aren’t doing good–”
“And being a hero isn’t going to fix it.” Wally cut in, “I don’t want to talk about it, Arty.”
Artemis let it drop. She asked about his studies and Wally told her what she wanted to know with a tenseness that he hadn’t felt around her since they had been kids. Everyone seemed to know what was going to be good for him, everyone always seemed to know how to help him.
Wally was sick of it. He was sick of people telling him to go back to the team, was sick of people trying to decide that what he was doing was wrong and that there were so many better ways. He wanted to stay as far from the cape life as he could, it didn’t matter if he was faster now, it didn’t matter if he hadn’t actually died.
Wally felt nauseous every time he went fast, every time he felt lightning crackle up his arms and slow his surroundings. He would never be able to put on a suit, just looking at the Kid Flash one made him shake and his breath come fast, and he wouldn’t be able to help people. He didn’t want to help people – he just wanted to help himself.
As soon as he was able to, Wally headed to the zeta tubes. He was still in the systems, and he utilized it as his main source of travel to Bludhaven. He didn’t like the idea of going back to his empty apartment, because when he was alone was when his thoughts got out of control.
Dick wasn’t home when Wally got into his apartment. Seeing as it was late here, Wally assumed he was on patrol. Wally slumped onto his couch, and sighed as he tipped his head back. He looked at the ceiling for a long moment, before he closed his eyes and put his hands over his face.
He didn’t know what he was doing. He tried so hard to hold onto the past, and it was gone. He wanted to go back to when he was twenty-one and had a Kid Flash suit hidden deep in his drawers but never intending to take it out because he was retired and – fuck, why hadn’t he just stayed that way? Why did he have to put that suit on again and feel the adrenaline and remember how much he had liked it?
There was a soft sound from the window, the sound of a grapple setting and a soft hiss as it retracted. Wally scrambled to get the television remote and turned it on, some random show spreading across the screen just as Nightwing silently made his way inside.
It was still weird to see Dick as this new and improved Nightwing, set up in his own city and in a new suit. A part of Wally wanted to ask him about his work, how he was doing, but he’d distanced himself from hero work as much as he could. He didn’t like the reminder of it all.
Wally didn’t know how long he was staring before Dick smiled slightly and said, “Hi.”
“Hey there, Boy Wonderful,” Wally replied, trying to keep his tone casual as he grinned. “Want to get dinner?”
“Yeah, let me get changed.” Dick grinned. He didn’t head to his room immediately like Wally had expected, but he lingered for a moment. Wally felt his gaze on him and pretended he didn’t.
Wally tapped his fingertips against his knees as he waited, and after a few minutes, he couldn’t take the silence anymore. He shot up and headed towards Dick’s room, pushing the ajar door open all the way.
“Hey, Dick,” he paused when he saw black lines climbing up from Dick’s hips. He frowned, and then it took a few seconds to click that what he had seen was a tattoo.
It looked an awful lot like lightning.
They went back and forth for a bit before Wally rushed in front of his friend, and it barely crossed his mind that he had used the speedforce to get him there faster. Dick didn’t move to stop him when he touched his shirt, and after seeing the small nod he offered, Wally pushed his shirt up to see the ink on his friend’s skin.
It looked an awful lot like lightning because it was.
Wally felt like he couldn’t breathe.
“Wow,” Wally said after a moment. “How far does it go?”
Dick ran a hand down his hip, stopping mid-thigh. Wally stared at his hand for a moment before letting out a slow breath.
“You...” it didn’t take a lot of guessing to figure out why Dick got lightning tattooed onto him. He had gotten it because of Wally, because Wally had always been associated with lightning and ozone and thunder (things he could now barely stand).
Ever since coming back from the speedforce, Dick had been a rock Wally greedily relied on. He had been strong, even if he too was coping with his own problems, and Wally relied on him more than he could put into words. It almost felt like they were kids again, inseparable and honest with each other in a way they never managed with anyone else.
Not for the first time, Wally wondered just how much his death affected Dick.
“Thai?” Wally asked, an offer to change the subject, and steadily pushed down the tears that threatened to choke him.
“That sounds good,” Dick agreed quietly, and Wally quickly retreated out of the room.
He hated lightning, hated speed. It made him feel nauseous, reminded him of running and running and running .
But as Wally flexed his fingers, thought of the way Dick’s warm, tattooed skin had felt under his fingertips and decided that maybe not all lightning was bad.
Wally tended to use Dick’s apartment as a safe space. He’d go over without calling or texting and Dick would always welcome him in with a smile and understanding in his eyes. Wally didn’t need to explain, and Dick didn’t need an explanation.
Dick tended to use Wally’s apartment similarly. Wally never once turned him away.
“Want dinner?” Wally asked. Dick had come over a few minutes ago, curled himself up on Wally’s loveseat, and hadn’t said a word since his mumbled greeting.
“No,” Dick replied.
Wally looked Dick over as best as he could with the way Dick was hunched over. He had gained weight since Wally’s return a few months ago, but sometimes Wally thought back to the way Dick had been thinner than Wally had ever seen him and freaked out a little.
“Okay,” Wally said anyways.
They were quiet for a moment. Wally wrote a quick note down as he tried to focus on his textbook. He knew better than to push Dick into talking about what was bothering him.
“I got in an argument with Bruce.” Dick said.
Wally looked up. Dick didn’t meet his eyes, wasn’t even looking in his direction, his eyes on the floor.
“What happened?” Wally asked.
Dick shrugged minutely. “It was stupid. I didn’t mean it.”
Wally closed his book and walked over to Dick’s seat. Dick looked up at him, and there was something in his eyes that put Wally on edge. Something dark and miserable.
“It can be stupid,” Wally smiled at him slightly, “But if it upsets you, it’s important.”
Dick’s eyes softened a little. He raised one of his hands and Wally quickly tangled their fingers together. He squeezed his hand, and Dick closed his eyes as he just breathed.
“I quit the team,” Dick said, “After you died.”
Wally tensed before he forced himself to relax. He didn’t know what to say, his mind whirling to find an answer, but Dick continued before he could.
“I, uh. I told Bruce to add me back to the roster a few weeks ago,” Dick said, “And the last mission didn’t end well. So, I guess I’ve been a bit messed up over it.”
Wally remembered how Dick had come over to his apartment, slumped over his lap, and looked miserable. (He thought of what had come after Dick relaxed, how they had kissed and shared their affection without words as they held hands in a shitty restaurant for their first date.) He assumed that must have been after the mission.
“That’s okay,” Wally said. He thought it was okay, maybe it wasn’t. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Dick looked at him weirdly. Wally raised his eyebrows at him, and after a moment, Dick shook his head. “No, not really.” he squeezed Wally’s hand again, “Bruce was upset with me today. About it.”
Wally grimaced. Bruce was a good dad, but sometimes the mission made him have some undesirable quirks. Wally couldn’t count the number of fights Dick and Bruce had gotten in throughout the years (and he steadily ignored the voice in the back of his mind that said there were even more from when Wally had been gone).
“He’s...Batman,” Wally waved his free hand around, feeling oddly flustered as he tried to comfort his boyfriend. “But he also loves you. You regret it, so I’m sure he does too.”
Dick nodded his head slowly, though he didn’t look like he believed Wally completely. Wally didn’t believe himself completely either.
“Thanks, Wally.” Dick said.
“Anytime, Babe,” Wally replied, and reveled in the small smile the pet name got from Dick.
“Do you have peanut butter?” Dick asked after a moment.
“Dude, you kidding?” Wally asked, “Of course I have peanut butter.”
Dick grinned, “I want a sandwich.”
“Good, because I want one too.” Wally replied.
They fought over the bread and which plate they should get, but Dick tucked close to his side when they sat on the couch, and Wally couldn’t think of a better way to finish off their night, even if he got jam on his shirt.
Wally was taking dinner out of the oven when Dick walked into his apartment, groaning and being dramatic overall. Their date night had been postponed three times so far, and Wally would be damned if this one was interrupted. He made three lasagnas, and they weren’t going to eat themselves (two and a half were for him, naturally).
“How was your day?” Wally asked.
Dick mumbled a reply about some coworker and coffee, and his disgruntled expression eased when he saw Wally. He had a stain over his pants, and Wally put two and two together and snickered.
“Hey,” Dick complained, “It’s not funny.”
“Sorry,” Wally said, not all that sorry. He grinned, “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Dick leaned over the counter, careful of the warm dishes, and Wally met him halfway for a kiss. “How was your day?”
Wally smiled, “Good. I talked to Barry earlier.”
“Oh?” Dick asked, “How did that go.”
Wally carefully cut through the pasta and plated their meal quickly. “It was good.” he said and was still mildly surprised about it. Barry seemed to ease off the whole I know what’s better for you thing since Wally started seeing a therapist (one trusted by heroes and who was entirely unimpressed by everyone’s attempts to bring Wally back to the hero life) a few weeks ago. It made conversations much easier with him now.
Dick smiled at him, “I’m glad.”
Wally smiled and handed over Dick’s plate. Dick seemed to light up, and Wally knew he would never get tired of that expression.
They moved to the kitchen table without delay, and Wally prodded Dick to talk about his day, and Dick returned the favor after finishing his tale. They pushed their feet together under the table and Dick still blushed despite the fact they’ve been dating for a few weeks now. Wally still felt his own face heat, so he wasn’t one to talk.
Eventually, Wally steeled himself and asked, “How’s the team?”
Dick paused, a confused look crossing his face. “They’re good, I guess. Why?”
Wally shrugged, playing with a piece of lettuce on his plate. “It’s just. I’m tired of avoiding it.”
Dick frowned a bit, “What do you mean?”
Wally sent him a look that was just a little helpless. “You’re a hero, Dick. And I’ve avoided capes like the plague since coming back.”
“That’s okay,” Dick insisted, because he was kind and caring and he always put Wally first. Wally loved him, he appreciated him. But he wanted to put Dick first, too.
“Dick,” Wally said softly, “Nightwing is such a huge part of your life, I don’t want to just ignore it. It’s important to you.”
“You’re important to me,” Dick declared, a fire in his eyes that made Wally shift in his seat. “I don’t need Nightwing.”
Wally felt his heat skip a beat at what Dick was implying, but the feeling was overshadowed by guilt and dread. He set his fork down and Dick looked alarmed, like he hadn’t expected it. Wally wondered what it was he had expected: if he thought Wally was going to jump into his arms and say how it was such a good idea to quit the one thing that’s been his whole life just so he could put Wally at ease. Because Wally was too scared to face his fears over it.
“I don’t want that.” Wally said. Dick didn’t reply, so he continued. “I want you to do what you love, and I don’t want you to change for me.”
His boyfriend was quiet for a moment, and then his eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t get it.”
“Get what?” Wally asked patiently.
“Why wouldn’t you want that?” Dick asked helplessly, “Wouldn’t it be a good thing?”
Leaving the hero life behind had felt like he lost a limb, even when Wally had planned it and done it willingly. Now, the idea of returning to it made Wally feel like he’d rather get stuck in the speedforce again – which was the main reason why he didn’t think he’d ever wear that suit again. But Dick had practically invented the sidekick life, it was all he knew. Wally knew that leaving the capes would kill him, and he didn’t want that.
“I just want you to be happy,” Wally said. “And Nightwing makes you happy.”
Dick stared at him for a moment before he nodded. Wally felt like weight lifted off his chest.
They finished eating with idle conversation and when they washed the dishes together, Dick let their elbows knock together and sang along with whatever song started on the radio. Their relationship was still fresh, and a part of Wally was terrified of what they had. He was terrified of how much he cared and what they could lose, but whenever he met Dick’s eyes and saw his smile, he knew it would be worth it.
“You should go take a shower, coffee pants,” Wally teased, “I’ll get desert ready.”
Dick sighed, “You’re like a sour patch kid. Make fun of me, and then you butter me up.”
Wally snickered, pecking his lips chastely. “Gotta keep you on your toes.”
Dick shook his head, but there was a smile on his lips. Wally took that as a win.
By the time Dick was out of the shower and back by Wally’s side, Wally had bowls with brownies and ice cream ready. They sat together on the couch, a movie that neither of them was really paying attention to played on in the background. Wally had his hand on Dick’s thigh, traced each line of the tattoo Dick proudly wore, and pretended that it still didn’t make his throat close up.
“I want to get better.” Wally said.
Dick looked at him. Wally knew he didn’t need to explain, Dick didn’t need him to. He always understood.
“Okay,” Dick said, like it was that easy. They both knew it wasn’t. He squeezed Wally’s wrist, fingers cold from the bowl he had been holding, a sharp contrast to the heat Wally practically gave off these days, “We’ll do it.”
Wally curved closer to him and buried his tears into Dick’s hair. Arms wrapped around him, and he wondered, distantly, what it was that Dick saw in him.
Dick wiped his forehead as he set a box down and looked over to Wally with a wide grin. “Is that everything?”
Wally made a show of looking around. Dick’s apartment was filled with boxes and had a few new pieces of furniture. “I think it is.”
Dick looked so happy as he walked over to him and pulled him down into a kiss. Wally eagerly reciprocated it, wrapping his arms around Dick’s waist and sighing into his mouth. He teased the skin of Dick’s waist, and his boyfriend pressed a laugh into his cheek.
A few weeks ago, Dick had asked him to move in. Wally had his things packed the moment his lease was over, and he had officially graduated. It still felt surreal, that he and Dick had gotten to this point. That Dick wanted him – loved him – enough for this.
“Hey,” Dick said, tangling his fingers into Wally’s hair, “What do you say we break the bed in?”
Wally laughed, “We didn’t replace it.”
“I know,” Dick pouted a little, “It was metaphorical.”
Wally kissed his nose, forehead, cheeks, and Dick smiled at him widely. “Maybe you’ll get lucky after your family leaves.”
Dick looked surprised, like he had forgotten that Bruce and Tim had shown up in the middle of them taking Wally’s things to Blud, and decided to help them out. To be fair, they had been out of the apartment for the past fifteen minutes, so it was entirely plausible that they had left.
Dick sighed dramatically, “Alright, alright.”
Wally laughed and kissed him again. Tim took that moment to walk in, and the kid gagged dramatically at them.
Wally woke up to fingers tracing a pattern in his skin, and it took him a few seconds to realize that Dick was following the swirls of the tattoo he had gotten done yesterday. He hummed contently, and Dick trailed along the wing of the bird on Wally’s back.
“I think you should stop wearing shirts around the house.” Dick declared.
Wally opened his eyes, grinned over to his boyfriend, “Only if you stop wearing pants.”
Dick grinned, “Don’t tempt me with a good time.”
Wally laughed and leaned up to kiss him. “Morning.”
“Good morning,” Dick pecked his lips again, “I’m serious though. No shirts allowed.”
Wally tucked his fingers under the waistband of Dick’s boxer briefs, pressing against the center of Dick's tattoo, “I was serious too.” Dick laughed and there was a sprinkle of challenge in his eyes.
Things might not be perfect, but it was good. It was better . That was all Wally asked for.