Chapter Text
The breath escaped Shiho as she slowly walked towards the empty railway. Normally, the sight of such would irk her to wait behind the yellow line, letting the next train ride off into the distance. The risk of injury was enough for one to respect the guardrails blocking the tracks.
However, this time was different.
It felt almost wrong .
All she could hear was the rumbling of the tracks at her feet, signalling the approach of her destination.
"Fuck. I’m here already.” She softly muttered under her breath.
Somehow, Shiho thought she’d spend much longer carrying her ass over to the station, that she’d at least somewhat revel in the final hours of life she’d live. She wore her school uniform, even though Shiho never intended to go to school that morning. The bass on her back barely weighed her down, and her school bag felt lighter than ever.
Not exactly signs of a long walk. Maybe the idea of her imminent death was harder to bear than she really wanted it to be.
Shiho sighed at the thought. She really is a coward.
I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it. I'm gonna do it.
Repeating it over and over again was less convincing.
Doubts crept into her mind, as they had been for the past week since the idea popped into Shiho’s head.
She had a lot to live for. Enough that the list of them filled up an entire paper that she spent a whole night writing.
Said paper now laid in the depths of her trash can, but Shiho couldn’t erase the memory of it in her brain. It wasn’t exactly helpful that most of that list consisted of her mundane, uneventful, and frankly boring everyday life. Days filled with endless strums of bass strings, countless music scores, and energetic conversations she'd rather not partake in.
Yet Shiho really couldn't cherish the monotony more.
Living out her days alongside her three best friends was nothing but a dream made reality.
Who would've thought the resident lone wolf would be filled with such joy being around people.
But the band, Leo/Need, weren't just people. They were what pushed Shiho forward when she couldn't budge herself. There was nothing else in the world that could keep her alive like Leo/Need did.
All of them have improved so much since then.
Honami's drumming had become more stable, grounding the foundation of the rhythm and melody.
Saki's synthesizer hummed perfectly with the two string instruments, creating another layer of notes and sounds that meshed into a wonderful harmony.
And of course, Ichika. Shiho sighed at the thought of the guitarist/vocalist. Seriously, Ichika was amazing. A singing voice that could expand horizons, resonate throughout an audience, and cause Shiho's chest to flutter slightly. Alongside her guitar playing, it gave Shiho that true feeling of a band. Professionals be damned, she wanted to play with all of them forever, till the end of time.
Especially Ichika.
Her feelings for the girl were jumbled. She certainly liked her more than just a friend. But was that because of their closeness, or something else was what Shiho found herself asking. She began admiring Ichika more; her soft and timid voice, the silky black hair that flowed down her back, her cyan eyes that looked after her friends in concern.
Yeah, she definitely had something for her. Something she wasn't willing to admit out loud. Ever.
Thinking about all of that, it sounds like Shiho had no reason to rid herself from this world.
Under normal circumstances, on normal days, with a normal body, that was usually Shiho's consensus as well.
The world was anything but normal right now
At least for Shiho, everything she ever loved and dreamed was cruelly stripped away forever. Nothing would be the same again.
The sound of the world.
Was.
Gone .
Leaves flew soundlessly in front of the empty tracks. People floated by without footsteps, glancing at the grey-haired girl looming over the tracks.
It was something out of a horror game.
Shiho had watched as her entirety was destroyed from one single handicap.
Conversation.
Music.
Bass.
Leo/Need.
She could do nothing. Nothing except watch in silence as the rest did the same. The world was in motion, leaving Shiho behind without a care.
The doctors said it was incurable. An unknown degeneration, they said.
Fuck, if it was that obvious, why'd no one tell her?
Maybe if she had some sort of knowledge, she could have done something! Maybe she could have spent her days more carefully, or tried ways to prevent it. But it was too late, wasn't it?! What are you doing?! Why not call, or warn her, or do something?!
Fuck. Why? Why me?
Why did it happen to me?
Shiho had cursed everything in the world she could. Gods and humans alike. She didn't care that it wasn't their fault. Maybe she held some slim sense of hope that somehow, someway, everything could go back to how it was. Some hallucination, a temporary problem, that would fix itself in the future.
All that hope scattered away after her first step into the world afterwards.
She had tried to strum her bass. Not out of some dumb desperation, but in a habitual daze. After setting herself up, she began to begin tuning.
…
Shiho cried a lot that day. Sobs that she had never dared let out before. The kind that left her shaking under her covers, the kind that hurt her soul so much that she wanted to vomit. She smashed her pillows into flat sheets, yelling out her frustrations. Shiho knew she was probably being loud. Shiho knew Shizuku was in the house at the time.
It also didn't take a genius to know she was crying too, right outside of Shiho's room.
And for one day, Shiho forgot her morals of humanity and let her sister hear the pained, desperate cries of the newly found deaf.
What else could she do?
No one could do anything for Shiho anymore.
There was nothing left to do.
The only thing Shiho wished was to have everything back to the way it was.
A wish impossible to grant for even the most caring human being.
With that wish left buried, Shiho ducked under the guardrails and closed her eyes.
It was easy for everyone to say it was going to be okay.
Especially people who were normal.
Everything would be okay once her consciousness ceased to black. Forever.
A sudden rumble in her pocket caused Shiho a surprise.
A text? At this fucking time?
Shiho had already written goodbyes. Letters all neatly shoved into her bass bag. Everyone knew she adored that thing, so the messages would be found easily.
Writing out these kinds of things is easier. Some feelings you can't express knowing you'll have to deal with the reaction.
Death fixes those kinds of problems.
Not wanting to be left wondering for eternity, Shiho sighed and whipped out her phone.
I swear, this better not be some kind of bullshit.
The message popped up in the middle of her screen.
Ichika
Are you at school today?
I walked by your classroom and didn't see you.
Are you okay?
You have a test right?
I hope you'll be fine.
This was honestly worse than bullshit.
Having your maybe sorta kinda only a little bit of a crush message just as you're about to jump into a railway isn't what Shiho wanted at all.
Worse is how Ichika was genuinely worried about her existence at the moment.
The guilt pierced her heart. Ichika knows Shiho read the message. But what does she even respond with? " Oh, I'm not coming 'cause I'm fucking killing myself."?
With another horribly guilty sigh, Shiho quickly texted.
You
Sorry. Won't be at school.
Bye.
Nice and simple, right? Surely it wouldn't cause a problem.
This thought comforted Shiho enough to throw her phone into the railway, cracking the screen.
Goddamnit, Ichika.
I fucking hate you.
Shiho fought the urge to crumble into a ball on the ground.
She thought she had everything under control. A few messages from Ichika was all she needed for tears to start flowing from her eyes.
In the end, her friends still cared about her. Shiho knew that, and that was the worst part. She could already imagine the faces they'd make when they hear the news about her.
Again, she'd thought about that beforehand. Making the scenario worse.
"Fuck, don't cry." She sniffled. "Not now."
Even to the end, Shiho would never let anyone see her cry this much.
The rumbling grew stronger at her feet. She glanced up at the railway to see the undeterred train speeding forward.
No time. Tears be damned.
Shiho quickly slid off her bass and school bag, both of them landing on the floor, as indicated to her by the thump near her feet.
Even in her death, she'd never let a train completely smash her bass into splinters. Surely one of them could use it. Maybe Ichika.
Shiho rubbed her watery eyes and shut them closed.
No time left for regrets. It's happening. Now.
"Sorry, everyone."
"Move on without me. Please."
With a shaky breath, Shiho fell forward into the incoming train.
She sighed as her head emptied into a numb nothingness, and her arms fell limply to her sides.
In the end, she couldn't hear her body slam into the front.
…
A familiar voice whispered into Shiho's ear.
"Shiho, it's not your time. Huhu, wake up."