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“…Kou-kun,” the name felt weird on Mitsuba’s tongue, like a sip from a lukewarm soda can that had been left out for too long. The two syllables were hushed out, mumbled in a way that told the boy he rested his very head on that ‘I shouldn’t be saying this, but you need to hear me say these words to you anyway.’ It felt incorrect, almost wrong to assume that they could’ve been on a first name basis if he wanted to. And, like his feelings, the territory he had stepped into was all unfamiliar…new, scary. At first he was just a monster, a monster who devoured the hearts of anything he could get his hands on because his hunger wouldn’t be satisfied otherwise. And now, he thinks, he was a monster for falling for the exorcist that was supposed to get rid of him. This was never supposed to happen. He hated it, the idea of a supernatural and a human ever getting together. But he had to say something…it was the end of the school festival, the perfect time to confess- so he tries out the next three words on his tongue,
“I like you.” and that was supposed to be it. The words hung in the air, and it felt like time had stopped another time that day, waiting for what Kou’s response could be. Seconds pass by like ticks of a clock, and it made sense. It was stupid to keep entertaining the idea that they could ever be more than what they were, he knew Kou didn’t see him like that. (They were friends, right? The label felt more implied than anything.)
The stupid exorcist boy finally speaks up, hesitant and undeniably confused like a lost puppy would be, and being against him, Mitsuba can feel the vibration of his vocal cords, “Huh?” he starts, then continues after a pause, “What are you talking about? That’s nonsense…”
“Forget what I said, then.” Not like he expected anything different to come out of him, anyway. His life wasn’t some romance manga, love was messy. Complicated.
“Mitsuba...” But so was the boy next to him, he figured, and he didn’t just mean his hair. He knew Kou wouldn’t drop what he said, he was annoying with how persistent he was, wanting to trust him with everything. Even if it meant things like this. Stupid Kou.
He sighs, “There’s nothing to elaborate…I said what I said.”
“Wha- what do you mean? You were serious?” Kou asks, genuinely, going from sounding like a lost puppy to a cat that was too curious- Mitsuba knew the truth would’ve killed him. He didn’t want to take his heart, the heart he so desperately wears on his sleeve- he hardly had one himself. And there was no saving him from the fall this time, Kou’s stubbornness would live as long as he did, and it pissed him the hell off.
“It’s not important.” Mitsuba tries to argue, nonchalantly.
“That…wasn’t a no-“
“Look, it doesn’t matter. Just forget I said anything. I just…wanted you to know, okay?”
They both fell into an uneasy silence, the heat radiating from Kou’s body not feeling as warm and comfortable as it did before, the cold air from the night breeze suddenly hitting him with more force. Ghosts were supposed to be cold, sure, but Mitsuba felt as if he was trapped in a freezer, frozen and unable to move.
Kou's voice quivered with uncertainty as he continued to grapple at Mitsuba's confession. He was at a lost for words- he couldn't easily dismiss it, still, of course he couldn’t- the moonlight shone on him like a spotlight, urging him to say something.
Finally, Kou lets out a deep sigh, his shoulders slumping. "Mitsuba, you're not making this easy at all," he said softly. "You know…you can't just drop something like that and expect me to pretend it didn't happen.”
“Well I rather you did,” Mitsuba’s voice cracks a bit, “You’re so stupid…and reckless…a sorry excuse for an exorcist, too much of an optimist-“ a pointless string of words, the nonstop list of nothingness they would come up for each other could go on and on- and spouting the words should’ve came easy, it should’ve been like second nature, “-and cruel and…a huge crybaby and..” but Mitsuba found himself choking up anyway- the tears catching up to him quicker than even Kou could notice. “..and I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have fallen too deeply in love with you. I can’t be with you, Minamoto-kun.” He reverts back to calling him by his last name, the only sense of comfort he had.
“…you said you wanted someone to like, right?” and stupid, selfless Kou, says that like it’s nothing- like his confession shouldn’t have affected anyone but him- like he was the one with a beating heart. His earring sways a bit as he tilts his head up to look at the pitch blackness of the sky. Though there were no stars showing that night, it was clear he was avoiding eye contact with him as well- but it looked like…he was still pondering about something. What it was, he could only guess.
“Are you brain dead? Is that really-“ Mitsuba tries to wipes his tears away with his sleeve, and it barely works, “-all you got out of that? Seriously?”
“I just…I don’t know.” He rubs the back of his neck with his hand, trying to pick his words carefully, “Sometimes I forget that it’s never a dull moment with this school, with all the supernatural crap happening. The festival wasn’t at all how I envisioned it would be…I thought it’d be the perfect opportunity to give you the human experience that you always wanted…and then all of that happened, when we froze in time, and stuff.” he pointed out. “I made that promise to you because I wanted to be with you more- but you’re just…so hard to understand! You were trying to push me away- when you wanted me to hang out with senpai instead, and now you’re confessing your love to me? I really don’t get your deal!”
“Why wouldn’t I try pushing you away? Do you think I wanted to feel like this?! I thought that if I bottled it up- the things I would feel when I’m around you would go away…but they didn’t.” He sniffs again, turning his head away, a small tint of blush on his cheeks, “At first, I didn’t even know it was love…but when I realized, that’s when it all made sense.”
“…how did you realize?”
“Of course you would want to know…lameass pervert with a lameass traffic safety earring. I bet I’m boosting your pathetic ego and satisfying your disgusting little fantasies of me, this is probably the first time you’ve ever even been confessed to-“
“J-Just answer the question!!!”
“Fine, whatever.” Mitsuba huffed, the weight of his confession still on his chest, “I talked to daikon-senpai about it, I guess. I realized that I found myself caring about you more than I should have…that I could never really find it in myself to hate you. Even when things go seriously wrong- or if something doesn’t go how I expected it to…it’s still fun if you’re there by my side.” Mitsuba reaches for Kou’s hand with his oversized sleeve, hesitantly- like he’s afraid he would go away otherwise. In that moment- he realized the touch of Kou’s hand had always grounded him and brought him comfort, “.…was that what you wanted to hear? Are you satisfied yet?”
“I…you really feel that way about me?” Kou asked gently, he still couldn’t believe the words that were coming from him…it did nothing but increase his genuine desire to understand his feelings.
Mitsuba nods weakly, even though his tears had been dried up for a while- he still felt emotionally drained, “But either way, it doesn’t matter what I feel. None of it should matter…I wish we could be together forever,” he squeezes his hand, “but that’s impossible. Not when I’m a supernatural. One day you’ll live to be without me, and I just have to be okay with that-“ Mitsuba wishes he could go on- he would for ages if it meant he’d eventually get to Kou, but he feels the grasp on his hand loosen and replaced with that familiar tug on his scarf,
“Don’t say that, Mitsuba! Who cares about what’s impossible? I made a promise to fulfill your wish of wanting to be human and I still intend on doing that!” he lets go of him, and instead insists on holding both of his hands- “The truth is, you’ve become an important part of my life, too…so I don’t want you to hide your feelings anymore. If there’s a way for us to be together…to make…whatever we are work…then I want to find it,” he looks away flustered, brows furrowed.
Kou's persistence was infuriating, but even then- it never stopped being comforting to Mitsuba. He felt a mixture of both frustration and warmth… “You're so stubborn," he mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper.
Kou grinned, his smile lighting up even brighter than the moonlight shining on them. "That's what you like about me, right?"
Mitsuba didn’t answer immediately, instead focusing his attention and staring at the boy in front of him. There was a certain vulnerability in Mitsuba's gaze- and while looking like a dear caught in headlights, the tension he felt in his mind began to ease as he stared into his eyes…that’s how he always felt when he was with Kou. And maybe he was finally ready to admit that..- “You could still lose that earring,” …later.
“Ha, in your damn dreams…” Kou says, breathy, and suddenly he was leaning closer...he reached out and held Mitsuba’s cheek, making him flinch a bit. If he had a heart, it’d be racing with how gentle his touch was- he began rubbing his thumb back and forth. “…this ‘kay?”
“Gh…p-pervert…you’re totally taking advantage of my vulnerability right now...” Mitsuba was completely dying on the inside, to say the least. He wasn’t expecting things to go this way at all with his confession- and yet here he was, his non-existent heart on full display. But…he didn’t mind it at all, he supposed things with Kou Minamoto were always unpredictable.
With both of his hands resting on Kou’s chest, the two had silently leaned in to press their lips against each other…a soft and tentative kiss that, even if it was for a second- made Mitsuba finally feel human in that moment. The world around them melted away and, for once, it was just the two of them.
They pulled back with half-lidded eyes, before deciding to close the distance between them yet again- this time Kou’s hand finding it’s way on Mitsuba’s back to pull him closer- while Mitsuba latches on to the sides of his neck.
“Y’know…Minamoto-kun…” Were the first words Mitsuba spoke after they released from the kiss a second time,
“Yeah?”
He snickers, flashing his mischievous grin. “You’re a terrible kisser.”
Kou’s expression shifted from what was once post-kiss bliss to pure offense, the nerve of this guy- “Pain in my ass ‘till the end, huh?” He yanks on his ear.
“WAAaAh! THAT HURTS! OKAY OKAY IT WAS NICE-“
Kou immediately lets go, a small smile forming on his lips. He lets out a relaxed breath as he rests his head on his shoulder, leaning his weight on him. Mitsuba can feel his warm breath tickling his neck from where his scarf is exposed, “Yeah…it was…” Kou whispered, his voice carrying a certain softness that was only meant for him. Mitsuba holds his head, gently playing with the tuffs of his hair. As they sat there, wrapped up in each other's presence, the night, at last, felt less lonely…