Work Text:
Someone new. That’s where it went wrong, really. (Or right, depending on your perspective…) Some friend of Mike’s – Jill - was staying for a week or two while her flat was being treated for water damage or something, Pat wasn’t entirely sure of the details. Alison had already told her. About… the Ghost Thing. (According to Alison, Jill was a big fan of all things supernatural and sci-fi, so she’d decided to just come straight out with it. ‘Yeah so remember that time I died for a while? Well I can see ghosts now. And I live with several of them.’) She reminded him of Carol a bit – big blonde hair (that’s made a comeback, apparently), and pretty green eyes. He might have gotten a bit carried away... It reminded him what it was like to be young and starting a new romance. A bit of fun, that’s all it was to start with. Jill was just so excited to be living with ghosts and she followed Alison around, constantly asking her to relay questions. (Poor Alison. He’ll have to remember to try and give her some space in the next few weeks.)
It was fun to have someone new to interact with, in a way. He’d particularly annoyed Alison by making her sit through five back-to-back episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series so he and Jill could talk about Spock and the Enterprise. When they’d started Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Alison had dragged Jill off somewhere, pleading mercy. In the end he’d watched it with the Captain who’d been lingering in the doorway for the last two episodes. (‘This Spock fellow, he’s got the right idea. Very logical. Good man.’) (For some reason Pat had felt the need to stop breathing – not that he needed to breathe anyway, what with being dead - and avoid Cap’s eyes when Spock grabbed Kirk’s hand and professed ‘this simple feeling’)
But then Robin had to go and declare that he liked her too! Of course, that meant Julian getting involved – you never could find Robin without Julian somewhere close behind these days, always ready to cause chaos - he made some remark about ‘how they used to settle this back at Harrow’, which Pat is not repeating, thank you very much! But it set Robin and the rest of the group off (well, most of them. Fanny ‘wasn’t getting involved’, Humphrey’s head was still up in the loft, and Cap… well the Captain was being unusually quiet today) on ideas about a competition. To see which of them she would pick. They’d both try to ‘woo her’ as Thomas described it, and then by the end of the week, they would ask Alison to ask Jill who she preferred. It was ridiculous! He was a grown man, for god’s sake! Not to mention that she couldn’t even see them! Cap voiced his mild protest. But well… what harm could it do, really? He wouldn’t let them go too far. Plus he’d been enjoying spending time with Jill, and he was a little bit curious to know if he’d still got it.
(Pat had been on two first dates in his entire life – and death – a disastrous blind date his mum had set up with their neighbour’s daughter when he was 17 - he still shivers when he thinks about it, and his first date with Carol. They went dancing at the local social club, and he had his first (and second) beer so he’d have the courage to kiss her at her front door like he’d seen in all the movies. That one had gone slightly better, even if he was too light-headed to walk her all the way home that evening.)
So against his better judgement, he agrees to the competition.
Robin, obviously, goes about it all the wrong way. His idea of wooing includes discussing conspiracy theories and talking about the moon. …Okay, the moon and the stars are pretty romantic, if he was being honest. Although he does mention bum quite a few times, so Pat isn’t too worried.
Pat, on the other hand, goes old school romance. Chivalry. Compliments. Cheesy one-liners. Showing off his dance moves. Opening the door for her… Ah. There could be a problem here.
Dating as a ghost wasn’t ideal.
It’s Robin’s turn right now, so Pat’s up in the library trying to decide on his final strategy. Jill’s leaving tomorrow. He’s practicing one-liners in the mirror when Cap walks in. Pat’s a little embarrassed to be caught red-handed, and Cap is staring at him from the doorway. He looks like he wants to say something, but he must change his mind. He mutters something about not realising the room was occupied, turns on his heel and leaves.
That was odd.
Now that he thinks about it, the Captain has been acting odd since Jill arrived. Especially so, since his and Robin’s competition started… If he didn’t know any better, he’d think Cap was jealous! Ha!
What would the Captain have to be jealous of? Certainly not him or Robin. No one spoke about it, but it was pretty clear, to him at least, where Cap’s interests fell. But then- no, surely not. The mere thought was ridiculous, Cap couldn’t be interested in him!
Although… is it so ridiculous?
The Captain is his best friend. Better than Morris ever was, that’s for sure! But it’s more than that, if he’s being honest.
He loves being on their team. He loves their evening patrols around the house (that are really just a thinly-veiled excuse to have some time, just the two of them.) His attempts to make Cap laugh, which usually fail. But sometimes, if they’re alone, Cap will give him that smile. The one that makes him feel all fuzzy inside. He admires Cap. As a leader, as a friend. Even when they’re arguing he knows that at the end of the day they’ll find each other and apologise and sit together on the sofa, talking about tomorrow’s schedule. He loves-
He loves Cap.
Oh .
He feels a bit silly it took him this long to realise. He’s been in denial for so long, stuck in the past – stuck in his life. But that’s over now, isn’t it? Carol had moved on long before he even knew. He deserves to be happy. Could he be happy with cap?
Pat studies himself in the mirror. What the heck am I doing? His eyes go to the door where Cap had been stood a few minutes ago.
He tells Robin that their competition is over. Robin cheers, declaring himself the winner by default, running off to tell the others. He doesn’t care, it doesn’t matter. It never mattered. There’s really only one person whose opinion matters to him.
The next day, he finds Cap in his bedroom, looking forlornly out of the window as he often does. Pat almost reconsiders. Has he got this wrong? Things could get very awkward. Cap would run away and probably become even more closed off than before, and after he’d made so much progress… But then Cap turns as he walks further into the room. Annoyance at being disturbed quickly shifts into surprise at seeing Pat. Then he spots a flash of fondness, a quirk of a smile, before Cap apparently remembers he’s supposed to be ignoring Pat at the minute, and turns back around.
“Hmph. Is your little competition over then? Has she gone?” The Captain says coolly. He doesn’t turn around to face him.
Pat shuffles further into the room, “It’s finished, Cap. I told Robin it’s over.”
“Ah. She chose you then. I knew she would.” He flexes his shoulders, as if it was even possible to stand straighter.
“No I mean- wait, why’d you say that?”
“Well- I, er. I just meant that.” He says, flustered. “Well, if she chose Robin over you, then she’s a bally fool! The man’s probably half-dog!”
Pat huffs a laugh, too anxious to even pretend to be offended on Robin’s behalf. “Well she didn’t. She didn’t choose me. Either of us,” he admits. “She can’t even see us, for a start! The whole thing was stupid, I don’t know why I agreed in the first place. It doesn’t matter anyway, none of that matters.”
“Ha. I told you so, Patrick.” He turns now, never one to miss a chance to be smug. “If you’d listened to me we could’ve saved ourselves all this mess.”
“Alright, mate, no need to rub it in.” He perches on the end of Cap’s bed before he continues, “I just wanted to be… wanted, I guess. It’s silly, really. Who’d want me, eh? Dead guy with an arrow sticking through his neck. Carol didn’t even want me when I was alive!”
“I… I’m sorry, Patrick. Like I said, they’re fools. You’re a fine chap.”
“Really?” Pat asks, surprised that the Captain is comforting him like this.
“Of course. Would I have made Robin my second-in-command? Not likely!”
Pat smiles shyly. “So… you’d choose me over him then?”
“Well. I suppose I would, yes.” he confesses, before he realises what he’s just said. He tries to backtrack, “…that is, I mean, if I was- if you were, er, you know, of course.”
Here goes nothing.
“Well… What if I am, Cap?”
The Captain comically does a double-take, staring cautiously at him.
“I don’t understand. What are you saying, Patrick?”
In for a penny, Pat thinks. “I’d choose you, too. Over all of them.”
“Ha. Now there’s no need for japes, Patrick,” he tries to deflect.
Pat can already see his barriers going up, warning bells ringing in the Captain’s mind. He reaches out to touch Cap’s arm, just lightly at his elbow.
“I’m not kidding, Cap. This whole thing with Robin made me realise. I’ve been really stupid. All this time… I don’t want anyone else. What I want has been stood right in front of my nose the whole bloody time!”
“…I don’t-“
“You! You idiot!” Pat all but shouts. “God this was easier in the 60s. I’d just ask you to dance and that’d be that.”
The Captain balks. “You mean to say that- you… me? Good god,” he says, looking thoroughly scandalised.
“Yeah. I’m sorry, Cap,” Pat apologises. Maybe this was a bad idea, after all. “I shouldn’t have told you. I just thought, maybe, you might… feel the same? It’s just that I saw your face yesterday, when you walked in on me. It looked like- I don’t know. Do you?”
“I- I cant, Patrick.” He’s turned completely away now, voice barely above a whisper.
“Why not?” he says, gently. “We’re dead now, Cap. It’s only me. I know it’s hard. To change, after spending so long trying to be one thing. Being made to hide, even from yourself. Being told you can’t have what you want. But you can have it now, Cap. The war’s over.”
“Is it?” he asks.
Pat tightens his grip on the Captain’s arm, as if he can give him strength to face this through touch alone.
“It is,” Pat reassures him, “at least right here, in this room. Just us. You can let it go.”
His head drops to his chest for a long moment, before he meets Pat’s eyes. His other hand covers Pat’s at his elbow. He squeezes it briefly.
“Patrick…” he hesitates. “What if this is all I am? What if I let go and everything else falls apart?”
“We’ll rebuild it. You only need to be you.”
The Captain chuckles bitterly, “I’m afraid I haven’t been that in a very long time. I’m not sure I remember how, to be quite honest.”
“‘Course you do.” Pat says easily. “I see you. Every morning when we’re arguing over how to make a cup of tea. Or every time you help kitty see how special she is. When we’re watching Mamma Mia! and I catch you mouthing along to all the singing parts. Every time you and Fanny are in hysterics over a joke that is actually quite offensive to the memory of Eric and Ernie! Or- Or when you give me that stupidly handsome smile that makes my knees go a bit wobbly. You’re just… you, Cap! Maybe you got caught up playing a certain part, but you’re still you.”
If his heart still worked, he’s sure he’d be blushing at that last one.
He looks stunned. He shakes his head, “How do you do that? You always make me feel- that maybe it was all worth something. That I might be brave, someday.”
“Cap, you’re the bravest man I know. Honest.”
“I’m not, Patrick. I couldn’t even say that I-” He stops, the words still catching in his throat, after all these years. He tries again. “When it came to it, I was a coward. And now, I still can’t do it. Pathetic.”
“Don’t say that,” he hushes. “What if i said it first?”
The Captain looks as frightened as Pat has ever seen him, but he nods tentatively.
“I’ve never actually said it before,” Pat realises, “I mean, when I was alive, it was a different time. Plus I’d been with Carol since I left the tech. But I always knew, I think. That I’m bisexual. That I like men, too.”
He’s doing this to help Cap, but as he says it, Pat discovers that it does lift a weight off his shoulders. Like he hadn’t known he’d been keeping a secret, but now he feels lighter. It’s a good feeling.
Beside him, Cap swallows, steeling himself. Pat slides his hand down to take hold of his hand. He tries to give him his best reassuring smile.
“Yes. Well,” he starts, then says in a rush, “I think I may also- like men, as you say.” He lets out a breath that he didn’t even know he was holding.
Pat has never felt more love or pride for his friend than in this moment.
He lets the Captain continue, “I didn’t even know, not really. Not until recently, that is.” He shakes his head again. “I bet you think I’m silly for not seeing it. I knew I was… different, but I never-”
“Had the rights words?” Pat offers.
“Indeed.”
“I’m really proud of you, Cap. You’re amazing.”
He smiles and turns his head to look at Pat. “Thank you, Patrick. I’m not sure I can ever thank you properly.”
“I can think of a few ways,” Pat quips. But when he sees Cap’s eyes widen he quickly says “Sorry. Too soon?”
“No. No, to be quite honest, Patrick, I’m sick of being afraid,” he says with conviction. “You’re right. The war is over.”
The Captain’s hand tremors slightly as he lifts it to touch Pat’s cheek. He strokes his thumb across his skin. “I’ve always wanted to- May I?”
Pat isn’t sure he can speak, but somehow he manages a small yes.
The Captain pulls Pat closer as he leans in. When their faces are a breaths width apart, Pat closes the gap, unable to wait any longer. For a first kiss, it’s gentle, soft, and Pat absolutely melts into Cap. How had he not realised this is what he wanted? He brings his hand to Cap’s waist, clutching at the woollen jacket. Cap lets out a broken sobs and pulls away, resting their foreheads together.
“Pat…” he breathes. “I can’t believe-”
“I know,” Pat agrees. “Wowza.”
Cap chuckles and moves Pat so his head rests on his chest. “Wowza.”
Pat closes his eyes again and wraps his arms around him, content to stay pressed again Cap.
The war is over. They’ve got all the time in the world.