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"She isn't here."
"Oh............."
It was just an observation, but Napstablook already sounded like they were worrying. Mettaton wrapped his share of their arms around them, calming the nervous soul attached to his own.
To him, Alphys was a friend, even after the horror they'd been turned into under her experimentation. To Napstablook, she was like a mother; the only person who understood their condition and how to contain and maintain them. Napstablook had lost hope of them ever returning to their separate bodies. Once distressed by their predicament, the two had gradually grown as attached to their situation as they physically were to each other.
It was difficult to tell whether that was a rational thought. It was a thing they likely would've never thought before, but their consciousnesses were bleeding together more and more.
Mettaton was in control of their legs, lower arms, and their upper set of eyes. Napstablook moved the upper arms and saw through the lower pair of eyes. Oddly, they used the same mouth to speak, and there was never any fighting over who spoke.
The frame they were merged in was a patchwork mess of metal and wire that had been inhabited first by Mettaton.
It had been Alphys's idea to try to add Napstablook to his body. It'd been her curiosity as a scientist. She'd just wanted to see what would happen if two souls tried to control the same body.
Moving from their incorporeal form to Mettaton's physical body, Napstablook's raw soul had joined with Mettaton's inside of his soul's containment center. The fusion was immediate. At first, though distressed, it seemed like everything was the same as before until Napstablook tried to move.
They had no control over Mettaton's body. Their soul was trapped, clinging onto Mettaton's in a way that Alphys had never seen before. Following their fusion, she observed them for a long time - weeks - and Napstablook had been in a constant state of panic, distraught every second of every day, unable to see or move. The panic only lessened once she introduced a new set of arms as a test. Once she discovered that Napstablook was able to move them, she set about modifying Mettaton's beautiful face. His reconstructed image was far from the stunning sketch of the future glory she'd drawn for him.
The memory of that beautiful face felt like it was long in the past.
When they left the lab, other monsters were terrified of what they saw.
Alphys didn't mind if they came and went. Eventually, she planned to present them to the king as her 'ultimate human extermination machine.'
They knew. They knew that she'd probably been planning for their fusion all along. There were many other failed subjects that still roamed her lab, moaning in pain, clawing at themselves and each other. He and Napstablook stayed away from them. Even Alphys regarded them differently.
She'd given up on those ones, but he and Napstablook were important to her. To her, they weren't failures. In some way – even if it were unintentional – she had succeeded with them.
There might've been hope for them to separate, but they knew.
She didn't want that.
So they hugged themselves and Mettaton continued to assure his cousin that it would be alright, and they slowly rejected separation, abandoning individuality.
The hope for a peaceful life.
The dream of becoming a glamorous idol beloved by all.
Those things were thrown away. Napstablook lacked the will to force Alphys to work harder to turn them back, and Mettaton refused to hurt his friend. Silently, they had both acknowledged that they were powerless. The only strength they had was in the ache that seemed to grow more profound every day. Mettaton tried to ignore it, but Napstablook was wallowing in it.
Before long, they were going to become the eradicators she created them to be.
If that happened, at least they would be good for something, they thought. It was good to have a purpose.
Mettaton didn't want to harm any monsters, but he feared that the festering pain in Napstablook would force him to act upon their will. If he were faced with an unsavory decision, he knew that he would hesitate, and the decision would be left to Napstablook's increasingly explosive emotional impulses. He knew that they didn't want to hurt anyone, but they could if they were afraid. He wanted to protect them from that, but they were already becoming numb, consumed by hopelessness.
After all, they had become monsters among monsters.
“Oh............ I hear it.”
“Hm?” Mettaton closed his eyes, inclining his head to the lab ceiling to listen. Quietly, from somewhere near, he could hear a light pit pat. Recognizing what it was, his eyes opened and their mouth spread into a smile. “Oh, it's raining. Let's go have a look.”
Ever since he joined with Napstablook, Mettaton found himself thinking more about the futility of life. There wasn't a lot for them outside anymore, so they spent much of their time laying on the laboratory floor, contemplating their existence. The interests they once had began to fade away, and the place those interests used to occupy in their hearts was filled up with despair and a dangerous, burgeoning anger.
But there were still calm moments, sometimes.
Opening the door to one of the lab's unused rooms, they slipped inside. They didn't bother with the light switch. The lights had burned out a long time ago and Alphys had neglected to replace them with new ones. A cursory glance told them that there were none of her other failed subjects in the room. It was only them and that delicate sound.
Even in Hotland, there was rain. It came rarely, but when it did, it rarely went without their notice. In that abandoned room, there was a hole in the ceiling from which light filtered in with the rain. When it rained, the floor would get soaked, but none of their circuitry was exposed, so they weren't too worried about getting a little wet.
“It's nostalgic,” Mettaton sighed, leaning them against the desk that sat below the hole in the ceiling. Rain water continuously fell upon its surface in a rhythmic pattern, but the desk showed no signs of rust. It must've been made out of something stronger than they were.
Napstablook didn't say anything, but Mettaton felt their heart shake.
Putting his head back, he looked up at the hole, squinting at the light that seemed too bright.
“That light seemed so close, once. I wonder what it'll take to reach it now...”
He felt something roll down their cheek, but he wasn't close enough for it to be the rain. Too easily, tears fell from Napstablook's eyes.
“I'm sorry, Blooky,” Mettaton apologized, trying to sound like his old self. There were things he wanted to say to them, like how he wished that he'd stayed with them in Waterfall, even if it rained every day. It would've been difficult achieving his dream without Alphys's help, but his cousin had always been there. They wanted to help him so badly. They wanted to be a part of his dream, too. Now they were just...
Letting go of a pitiful sound that was less than half a laugh, Mettaton shook his head.
He was the reason they were stuck in that situation. If it hadn't been for his selfishness, he wouldn't have rushed into things with Alphys. Napstablook wouldn't have gotten involved. Then they wouldn't be...
Napstablook's arms wrapped around his chest and held him tightly. They were scared again, but they were trying for him.
“No.............”
Mettaton waited, but that seemed to be all they had to say. Napstablook always had difficulty expressing themself but they were becoming even more short of words lately. The things within them were too dark. It was probably impossible for them to express those sorts of feelings and even more difficult to encourage someone else in the face of them.
“Thank you. I'll be alright,” Mettaton said quietly, reaching up to lay his hands on the arms that held him. “We'll be alright.”
His definition of what it meant to be 'alright' was being redefined every day. He was sure that by the time the days became indistinguishable, he would forget what it ever meant to begin with. They would be living a completely different life then. They would be a new existence.
It was scary.
“Hey... How about I sing something?” he offered. They used to be able to sit in that room and the light sound of the rain had been all it took to calm them. For some reason, it wasn't enough to distract them that time, but it had a nice rhythm.
Napstablook didn't answer, but they weren't shaking anymore, so Mettaton tried to think of a song.
“Huh...?” He blinked, laughing again to himself; a hollow sound. “I can't seem to remember any songs...”
His legs felt weak, but he continued to search his memory. He wasn't just a robot inside. There were memories in his head – not programs. They couldn't have been erased, but the more he fought to remember them, the farther away they felt. Not a single lyric came to mind.
But there was a melody. From a distant corner of his mind, a tune floated up. Though his voice was weak, he tried to hum it.
Before he knew it, he was confidently humming that song. Though he couldn't remember where he learned it, it was a nice song; slow, melancholic yet wistful. It felt like the right song to sing on a rainy day. As he hummed, Napstablook stayed quiet within him to listen, its notes seeming to satisfy their restless spirit.
Realizing that he was smiling again, Mettaton stopped humming for a moment. “Were there words to this song? To be honest, I don't even remember what song it is. It feels familiar, though. I'm sure I must have heard it somewhere.” He held a thumb to his lower lip, thinking. “It's strange... Even though I can't remember the title or anything, it feels like it was important to me. My humming might not be as good as my singing, but do you recognize it, Blooky?”
“Oh....... Ah.............. It was......... I wrote that song. It was... unfinished.”
“A- Ah... But-”
But he knew it. He knew the whole song. From start to finish, he knew its melody.
His own mind must have filled in all the blanks in Napstablook's memory. When he was desperately searching for a song, he must have stolen it from them somehow.
It should've frightened him, knowing that they were merging even further, but he paid that no mind.
Finally, it seemed that he'd found something that made Napstablook happy.
“Well then. I'll share the rest of it with you. Our song.”