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“Can you come over tonight?” Something in Jake’s voice told Marco this wasn’t a code word for something about the Yeerks. He just wanted a friend. Marco was relieved. If Jake needed him, he didn’t have to admit how much he needed Jake right now.
Marco stuffed a change of clothes in a duffel bag and walked over. The Berensons had dinner waiting, better than anything Marco had eaten in weeks, and he just tried to eat it and feel grateful instead of staring at Tom’s eyes as if he could see right through to the Yeerk behind them.
When they were finally alone in Jake’s room, behind a closed door, he covered his eyes with his hands and began, “When we left Tobias behind in the Yeerk Pool.” But he couldn’t seem to finish.
Marco’s guts went cold. “Did he make it out?” If he hadn’t, the Yeerks would know who they were. They would come for their families any minute now. He would have to run away with his dad. Hide somewhere.
“Yeah,” Jake croaked. “But Marco. He couldn’t demorph down there. By the time he made it out, the two-hour limit was over. He’s stuck. As a hawk. Forever.”
Marco sat down next to Jake on the bed. For a second he wondered if Tobias’ uncle was worried about him. But of course he wasn’t. Nobody cared about Tobias. He’d never acted like that wasn’t true. Then Marco wondered, as if he were floating above his own life looking down at it, how long it would take his dad to notice if the same thing happened to him.
An arm settled over Marco’s shoulders. Jake must be feeling enough guilt to crush him. He would think what happened to Tobias was his fault. But he still knew Marco was hurting, and wanted to help. Marco said, “It’s not your fault.”
Jake sighed. His head was bowed. “I should have gotten him out.”
“Tobias was being stupid!” Marco hissed. “He was already in hawk morph when we all met up at the school. He didn’t have to morph until we were already down in the Pool. He couldn’t even wait half an hour – like this whole morphing thing is just some cool way to turn off your life – Jake, I think he’s happy we met Elfangor at that stupid construction site!”
“I’m glad I have the chance to try to save Tom,” Jake said quietly.
“That’s different and you know it. Tobias thought it was cool we got to meet aliens from the very beginning, he thought Elfangor was cool and morphing was cool, because it was better than just being some loser kid, and look where it got him!”
“You can’t blame Tobias for this. You get why he wanted to just fly away from everything.”
“No I don’t,” Marco said. “I’m never abandoning my dad, okay? No matter what.”
“And if you didn’t have your dad?”
“Then I wouldn’t abandon you, Jake, okay? I’d have to – I wouldn’t – ” It was too much. Marco buried his face in Jake’s shoulder and felt his eyes burn. He clenched his mouth shut against the sounds of crying, though Jake would have to know by the way his shirt was getting damp. Well, it wasn’t the first time he’d cried on Jake’s shoulder, and it looked like it wouldn’t be the last.
They changed into pajamas – Tom’s old basketball jerseys, down to mid-thigh on Jake and past the knee on Marco – and got in Jake’s bed together. They were too old for this. Marco should have been in a sleeping bag on the floor. But he wanted to be close to Jake, and when Marco got into bed with him, he didn’t say anything, just smiled and buried his face in the pillow.
When Marco woke up, he found himself wrapped around Jake like an octopus. His body felt warm and tingly, his skin too tight. Well, he would know why if it was a girl. But this was Jake, so it had to be something different. He rolled onto his other side and fell back asleep, their bodies separate but their hands still touching.
The third time Marco visited Jake after Visser One’s trial, he was in tiger morph, just like the last two times. He was curled up on the roof of his house, basking in the late afternoon light like an overgrown housecat.
«Dude,» Marco said, demorphing on the roof next to him. «Wake up. How long have you been in morph?»
Jake cracked open a yellow eye. «Oh. Hi, Marco.» His fur ran together into pale skin. Marco would have sighed with relief if his lungs weren’t halfway between bird and human.
«Are you insane? You could have – » His thought-speech cut out as he crossed the line to more human than osprey.
«It’s fine. I wasn’t actually asleep.»
“I didn’t see you keeping track of time either! I’m glad our morph therapy got your head out of your ass, but you weren’t supposed to just stay in morph all day! You’re going to end up like – ” Marco saw Jake flinch and cut himself off. He shouldn’t have brought up Tobias.
“No,” Jake said wearily, once he had a human mouth. “You’re right. I can’t just run away like that. I still have my parents.” Unlike Tobias when he got trapped, he didn’t say.
“We should run away the old-fashioned way,” Marco said.
“What way’s that?” asked Jake.
“By getting drunk. Duh. Your parents have booze around, right?”
Marco had developed a taste for wine by then, and picked out a bottle, rambling to Jake about its flavor profile. Out on the patio, Jake choked on his first sip.
“Do you seriously not drink ever?” Marco said.
“I saw what happened to your dad,” Jake mumbled.
“Well, unlike my dad, we can just morph and get insta-sober,” Marco said breezily, as if he’d never thought about his dad while getting drunk, whether they had a little too much in common. “Drink up.”
They talked about sports, because it was safe, and tickets to games were the only way Jake spent all the money, no matter what Marco tried to talk him into. But then Marco asked him whether his parents enjoyed the basketball game too, and Jake said, “I think so. I dunno. We don’t really talk.”
Marco set down his glass. “Jake, man, you still have them. You know how much that is? Don’t throw it away.”
Jake looked away. “I already have.”
“Bullshit. You know how many times I tried to kill my mom, and we make it work.” Marco waved his empty glass in the air, moonlight gleaming off it. It was later than he’d realized. “You can fix this, Jake. With your parents, even with Naomi. I know you can.”
Jake looked at me sharply. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“I should…” Jake got to his feet and wobbled. Lightweight, Marco thought fondly. “I should morph this off.”
Marco looked up at his bedroom window. It was closed. “Let me go up and open that for you.”
Jake and his family moved to a new house, of course – their old one was destroyed along with most of Santa Barbara – and Jake’s bedroom felt blank, like a hotel room. He opened the window for a raptor to fly in, like he had so many times before. Jake flew right through and started demorphing before he even hit the floor. When he was fully human, he was only in a pair of boxers, though by now he could have morphed his clothes. He was a grown-up, Marco realized, looking at the dusting of brown hair on his chest, the trail down from his navel. They both were.
Jake leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, then collapsed into bed.
Marco felt his cheek burn where Jake’s lips had been. He stared at his best friend, sprawled casually on his bed for all the world like they were on one of their sleepovers from elementary school. Marco spluttered, “What was that for?!”
“You do have a crush on me, right?” Jake said easily. “It was just a thank you.”
The burn spread out from Marco’s cheek down to his whole body. It was a good thing he was too dark to really blush. It had taken him years to figure out his crush, and Jake just knew? How was that fair? Marco looked hard at Jake, and thought that his Leeran morph had never been more tempting.
Jake lifted the covers. “Get in the bed or go home. But I could use the company.”
Marco didn’t need a Leeran morph to know that it wasn’t a proposition. He needed Marco, just like Marco had needed him before. He knew about Marco’s crush, and he still wanted to have a sleepover like they were little kids. It was so sweet it made Marco’s heart clench.
God, he could never admit to Jake he’d gotten this mushy.
He got in the bed. He could feel Jake, warm and near him, but he didn’t get turned on. He just felt himself relaxing like he was sitting in front of a fireplace. “Don’t do that again, Jake,” he said into the moonlit darkness. “Morph without keeping an eye on the clock. If you get stuck as a tiger, I’m not keeping you as a pet. Can you imagine the size of that litter box?”
Jake’s face was turned toward Marco’s, so he could feel Jake’s breath puff out as he laughed. “I won’t. I promise.”
“I’ll probably wake up screaming,” Marco said casually.
“I’ll probably wake up screaming first,” Jake shot back.
“No way. I bet I’ll wake up first.”
“You’re on. Whoever wakes up second has to make breakfast.”
And somehow, that made waiting for his nightmares a little more bearable.