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Lancelot was back and everything was great. Merlin really believed that. Because Merlin wanted to believe that.
When he took his helmet off after handing Gwen the ring he felt his heart stop, and then it picked up faster than ever before. He could feel his blood rushing in his ear and he thought Arthur might have said something, but a shaky exhale was all he could hear around the flow.
Lancelot was a little weird when he walked over to where Arthur, and the rest of the knights started to gather. He bowed and proclaimed his loyalty while Arthur pulled him up and clapped him on the back.
The rest of the knights had similar greetings, but when they finally cleared he caught Merlin’s eye. It almost looked like he was about to turn away, but something in Merlin’s expression had him hesitating to do so.
Merlin couldn’t wait any longer, though they were always reserved around the others, with the knights having stepped back and finally seeing Lancelot’s warm brown eyes that had been in his thoughts and dreams, he all but threw himself into his arms.
Lancelot took a step back from the force of it and Merlin thought for a moment that he was going to actually step away, but then he brought his arms up around him and gave him one of the classic knight pats on the back.
The other knights started to laugh and someone, probably Gwaine or Leon, they seem to do it the most for some reason, ruffled his hair. Arthur might have said something about Merlin being a girl, but as he tends to every time Merlin expresses some emotion, he really didn’t care much what the affection was doing to his reputation.
Lancelot laughed too and Merlin could feel it in his chest from how tightly he was squeezing. He laughed too, well it sort of felt like a laugh though it might’ve sounded a bit like a sob.
The story that Lancelot told them all that night over a private dinner didn’t seem all that right. Merlin couldn’t think of a reason why the veil would spit him out somewhere over in Cendred’s kingdom. Or why something requiring a sacrifice would only bring him so close to death.
But Merlin hasn’t looked into the magic that was done on that Isle since the veil was closed, and again it seemed to be fine by the time he got to the end. He lived by the sword, as he had done before, and made his way home.
At the end of the small celebratory feast Agravaine actually tried to approach him, Merlin wasn’t sure why. Merlin had already made his way over to Lancelot to tell him that his old room had been cleared away, but that Merlin had most of his belongings saved and that he could stay with him, like he had the first time he came to Camelot.
Agravaine made some small introduction and pleasantries, which were unnecessary since he had done so at the beginning of the dinner. Merlin would’ve preferred that he wasn’t at the dinner at all, since it was just the other close knights having a small reunion and Agravaine never knew him, but the man is always in the way like that. So Merlin thought him having been close to Lancelot was likely a good thing since Agravaine would’ve gone on about his position and the sanctity of knighthood had he not left after realizing that Merlin would not.
Merlin led Lancelot back to his room practically walking on air, updating Lancelot the whole way on the happenings since he’d been gone. The conversation turned a bit more serious when they were in the room. Merlin got to say everything he wished he could after Lancelot stepped through the veil, about the guilt and regret. The helplessness and wish that he could’ve done something.
And then he realized that Lancelot didn’t remember Merlin’s magic. But that was fine, he thought. Lancelot had already told them at dinner that he didn’t remember much when he first woke up, like his life had been stripped away from him. It took him that whole first day of consciousness to even remember his name. Another reason that his journey took so long was that he traveled in the opposite direction with the group of saviors that healed him before he remembered that Camelot was home.
Not to mention, it was probably for the best that Lancelot didn’t remember his magic. He was never supposed to know about it in the first place, even though Merlin was glad that he figured it out. That he had someone other than Gaius (who Merlin didn’t always tell the truth to because he knew he would disapprove, even though he usually manages to find out in the end. About the same time whatever Merlin did, and kept hidden, starts to bite him in the ass) and Merlin had severally missed having someone to confide in in the time Lancelot was gone.
Still, Merlin’s magic was a dangerous secret, one that has ended up with those around him dead. Like Will. And Freya. And then Lancelot himself. So Merlin was both a little crushed and a little relieved that Lancelot did not remember. He did not tell him.
Merlin made up the bed for Lancelot, which he took with a lot less protest than the first time he stayed with Merlin and realized it was Merlin’s bed he’d been sleeping in. Merlin wanted to crawl in there with him when he stretched out across it. It’s a tight fit he knew, but they’ve certainly done it before.
Lancelot must have been tired though, from his journey. The way he accepted the sleeping arrangements and laid down immediately told him as much, and so for the sake of Lancelot’s rest, he laid down on the floor with the pillow from the patient’s cot and a spare blanket.
Merlin talked quieter then, about nothing important and everything that he wished he could’ve told Lancelot when he wasn’t there until Lancelot’s breathing slowed down. Then he spent probably a half an hour just staring at his face. Peaceful in sleep, the rise and fall of his chest a reassurance when the rest of his body was completely still.
He leaned over to press a light kiss to his forehead. Oh how he couldn’t wait to kiss him again. But they’ve only had those last brief moments alone and it was best to let Lancelot settle and rest. To take things slow as they got back into things.
He turned on his side more and fully laid against the side of the bed, bringing a hand up to hold Lancelot’s hand. It might not have been the time for kissing yet, but he needed some sort of physical contact. He bent his head down to kiss his hand as well and ended up leaving his head there, their intertwined hands close to his face as he started to slip off to sleep as well.
.
The next day, Merlin woke up to the sound of the door to his tiny room shutting. He was still sitting bent on the ground with his head resting on the bed, but Lancelot was no longer in it. He heard his and Gaius’s voices and quickly jumped up and went down the stairs from his room. Gaius was dishing out breakfast, offering a bowl to Lancelot.
“No, thank you,” he said. “I have much to do, I'm afraid.”
He moved to leave the room before Merlin called out to him, “I’ll see you later though, won’t I?”
“Of course.” Lancelot nodded and left.
Maybe Merlin was a little desperate or clingy. He didn’t mean to be, but it’d been months without him and they’ve not really had much more than a moment together alone. And still no kiss.
But Merlin reassured himself that Lancelot had missed much, and more than just him. Not to mention that he’d be competing in the tournament. So really, he probably didn’t have any time for breakfast, let alone anything else.
The rest of the day passed. Merlin tried not to show his disappointment after Lancelot left so quickly in the morning, and might not have even said anything to Merlin if he hadn’t rushed after him, but he could tell that he was in fact being clingy. He tried not to, but every time Lancelot walked away he felt like it would be for the last time and he'd be gone for good.
Arthur and the knights didn’t seem to care all that much, they’d poke fun, but seemed to know that Merlin needed this. Lancelot might have been getting annoyed with it though. He had tried several times to walk off without Merlin shadowing, but never got very far until he reassured him he was just doing this or that and would be back.
Agravaine for some reason was the most annoyed with Merlin’s hovering. Merlin wasn’t entirely sure why he would care so much, but whenever he walked up to Lancelot saying something or another, he made his stupid false smile, which was really more like a grimace than even an attempt at a smile and Merlin often wondered why he’s the only one who can see it as such, and then changed what he was saying or that it’s unimportant for the moment, but at a different time they’d continue. Lancelot was pleasant with him though, smiled and accepted whatever he said.
Merlin tried to follow Lancelot into his tent after his joust with Arthur (and his heart dropped when he realized they were up against each other, though he wasn’t sure who it was he was more worried about until Arthur got hurt and he was very much worried about Arthur, but it all worked out as Lancelot threw the competition so Arthur would look good for his soon to be bride. And really Lancelot had always been so noble like that that Merlin reprimanded himself for being worried in the first place), with the offer to help him out of his armor but Lancelot told him he needed some time to himself after all that, and that as Arthur’s manservant he should be helping him.
So Merlin went back to Arthur’s tent, with Gaius to look over his side, which was already starting to bruise nasty colors when Gaius started wrapping it up. Merlin went over to Lancelot’s tent after that, just to make sure he was alright as well and had no problems with his armor.
He didn’t want to disturb him, because at this point he could tell he really needs to not be so pathetic, and walked around the back of the tent instead. When he opened up a bit of the already torn through seam to look through he could see Lancelot, of course, stood in the middle watching as Gwen left. Lancelot turned back to the table where his armor was with a smile Merlin couldn’t quite place on his face.
It made sense that Gwen would also want to thank Lancelot for pulling up to avoid hurting Arthur further or more seriously. She probably cared little for the sanctity of competition like Arthur did, though surely she could still recognize what he did for Arthur. Really, it was not unusual at all that she would come to his tent to tell him such.
It wasn’t like they weren’t friends either. Gwen was so guilty when he went through the veil, thinking of some promise he made for her, she must have been just as relieved as Merlin was when he came back. Okay, maybe not just as, but closer than anyone else.
Merlin was, again, reassured in this, but it didn’t really help with the clinginess. He pretty much followed Lancelot around for the rest of the evening, until he pulled Merlin aside and told him to finish helping Arthur for the night and that he’d see him again when he came to bed.
Merlin’s heart gave a little jolt when he said that because how many times have they shared that bed? Merlin was content to let Lancelot rest yesterday, and maybe he needed more, but Merlin knew he could not spend another night on the floor when Lancelot was right there, sleeping where they used to sleep together.
Surely he meant that tonight they’d have their time alone, and nights have always been the best time to have him all to himself.
Merlin walked off a little giddy. Maybe after that night everything would start to feel real again. After a night in Lancelot’s arms, what he’d been craving for months now.
He did help Arthur get ready for bed, and he was a bit giddy too, what with his wedding being the next day and all. Sort of a nervous giddy, but Merlin said what he’d been saying the whole time, he and Gwen were meant for each other.
Gaius was still up when Merlin made it back to their tower, but Merlin went straight to his room. Lancelot wasn’t there yet, so he just sat on the bed, messing with the sheets some and waited.
Eventually he heard Gaius settle down for the night. He absentmindedly thought that Lancelot shouldn’t be too loud when he comes in and wake him. He messed with the sheets some more.
When he got up and looked out his window it had gone well into the night. Merlin would admit he was concerned then. He got up and quietly made his way past the snoring Gaius and through the castle.
He thought of heading down to the knight’s quarters first, perhaps Gwaine had roped him and the others into a night of celebratory drinking, since the drinks were pretty tame the night before.
As he passed the council chambers however, he heard whispers. He slowly walked in, unnoticed, and his breathing stopped, locking up his lungs completely.
Gwen and Lancelot were standing close to each other. Gwen had her hands slowly moving up on his chest. Merlin could not hear what they were saying before he walked in and he probably could have then, but his ears seemed to have started ringing for some reason. He just saw as their lips moved, too close, much too close, and got closer by the second.
Merlin stumbled out, he thought he could have fallen over, with a shaky “Lance?” It was quiet, even if everything didn’t feel muffled he knew it was quiet, but it seemed to ring out in the room.
Gwen jumped back quickly, though Lancelot looked briefly angry, both at the interruption and the distance created between them. She brought her hand up to her mouth as if it burned, at the lack of contact or from how close it had been Merlin didn’t know, he barely looked at her, eyes locked on Lancelot’s face as emotion seemed to entirely fade from it.
“You don’t remember me at all.” Merlin’s voice was still shaky, but he managed to ask, “but you remember Gwen? What does that say?”
Lancelot just sighed. “Merlin, what are you doing here?”
“I was worried.” And how stupid was that now. “It was getting late and you weren’t back.”
“You shouldn’t have come looking.” Was all Lancelot said.
“No?” Merlin scoffed, and hated how it brought his eyes closer to tears. “Should’ve stayed in bed waiting for you to come back while you’re down here, doing what?”
“Merlin…” Gwen stepped forward, looking between him and Lancelot like she was seeing both of them in a new light, even in the darkness of the room. “Were you… and Lancelot?”
“What does it matter to you Gwen?” Merlin turned to her, anger pushed its way past the hurt as he looked at her. “What’s that matter with what you’re doing to Arthur now, the night before your wedding.”
Gwen was openly crying now. “I didn’t…” she started to say, but had nowhere to go with it.
“You have no idea how much I’ve done for you,” Merlin continues harshly. “With Arthur, so that he could even admit his feelings for you. That he would hold faith that you would wait for him. For him to become king and for things to change so that he could marry you. And he was going to, tomorrow.”
Merlin was gesturing wildly and Gwen jumped back when he waved his arm towards her even if he was nowhere near reaching her. Lancelot reached out towards her, put a hand on her shoulder, which she brushed off, even as Merlin started to shout “don’t touch her!”
“Merlin, I’m sorry,” Gwen said. She tried to step towards him, while he backed away. “I didn’t mean- I’m so sorry.”
It was at this point that Arthur walked in, with Agravaine right behind him.
“What is going on in here?” He asked, looking between the three of them.
Gwen was quick to wipe her eyes and they all seemed to take a step back from each other. Lancelot had a hand on his sword handle, Merlin was not sure when that happened, he hadn’t even thought about why he had his sword on him until he noticed it. None of them answered the question.
“Obviously something indecent,” Agravaine chimed in. That conniving arse. “Why else would they be here, hidden away in the night. You know they have a past.” He gestured between Gwen and Lancelot.
“What with me here?” Merlin bit out, too rung out to have kept his anger in check, especially with Agravaine. “Am I just standing here watching then?”
Agravaine looked at Merlin with disdain, hardly anything new, and opened his mouth to say something, no doubt, unhelpful.
“We were just catching up some,” Gwen answered, and Merlin had to hand it to her because she had schooled her expression and voice well considering what it had been less than a minute ago. Merlin thought he was still shaking.
“Lancelot couldn’t sleep,” Merlin grumbled and crossed his arms.
Arthur looked over to Lancelot, who simply stood there, hand on his sword’s hilt.
“This is suspicious, My Lord,” Agravaine spoke up again. “You cannot let this go, something is going on here.” He gave Lancelot a pointed look.
Lancelot finally seemed like he had something to say, stepped forward and opened his mouth, but Arthur stopped him before he had the chance to say anything.
“I can hardly punish them for talking, I doubt they’re planning to take over the kingdom. Besides, what could they be doing otherwise with Merlin here.”
“The boy could very well be in on it, Sire,” Agravaine said, though Merlin could tell he was running out of incriminating things to accuse them of. Even if he was actually right this time in his accusation.
“Yeah right,” Merlin scoffed, stepping closer to Arthur. “Nothing happened Arthur.” No matter how close it was to. “Besides,” he added and stepped in front of Gwen, turning back to look at her, “Gwen would never do that to you.”
Gwen looked like she’d been slapped when he’d said this, but Merlin was sure that he had her blocked from view so he could hardly be damned about it.
“So if that is all?” He asked and looked back to Agravaine, who was fuming behind Arthur’s back, with nothing else to offer. Arthur waved his hand in a lazy dismissal, so Merlin started stalking out of the room. “Good night then.”
“Yes, well let's all get back to bed.” Arthur commanded and Agravaine turned sharply on his heels and walked off as well.
Gwen and Lancelot hesitated a moment, but it was clear Arthur was not leaving them behind, so Lancelot followed the direction Agravaine went out of the room.
Arthur held his hand out to Gwen and she took it when she was near, looking down where their hands touched, with Lancelot’s bracelet resting just above. She felt sick to her stomach.
“Merlin seemed upset,” Arthur commented, though the concern was lying underneath.
“Lancelot barely remembers him,” she answered softly. Now that they were walking away she felt in a daze, not quite sure how she got there. “He’s spent the whole day by his side and Lancelot didn’t even remember him.”
“Ah, he’s hurt by that.”
“Yes. He’s hurt.
.
Merlin did not sleep at all that night. It was spent instead reading every book Gaius had that even mentioned necromancy. In the morning, while Gaius was bringing a spoonful of porridge up to his mouth, Merlin also asked him what he knew about necromancy.
A sigil was drawn on the floor in their chambers and a spell was spoken. When Lancelot snuck in for his things that were still in Merlin’s room, Gaius and Merlin saw as his face changed and a haunting echo rang through their heads from the cracks in the cupboard door.
Merlin decided he needed to tell Arthur Lancelot was a shade. There was no telling why his body was called back, but it was clearly done so by Morgana and could not be for anything good. All of Agravaine’s attempts to get Lancelot alone made sense with this knowledge.
Merlin left straight for Arthur’s chambers, but there was a commotion right outside his door. He tried to move past it all, but the guards, who usually would let him by with no issue at any time of day, stopped him with a shake of their heads. Merlin could hardly make out Arthur yelling, his words indistinguishable through the wood.
Some of the knights were gathered at the end of the corridor, so Merlin made his way over to them instead. Leon, Elyan, and Percival were all leaning close to each other. Percival had his hand on Elyan’s shoulder, who looked most concerned.
“Merlin.” It was Leon who noticed him approaching first, and reached out to bring him into their little group. “You haven’t seen to Arthur today?”
“No,” he answered. “I was going to now, but the guards won’t let me through. What happened?”
“No one knows,” Percival explained gravely. “Gwen’s in there, apparently went in real early this morning. Arthur’s not let anyone in and didn’t say what’s happening. There’s just been the yelling. I think a table flipped at one point.”
It made sense. Merlin only needed to hear that Gwen was in there to understand what was happening. She went to Arthur this morning, before their wedding, to tell him about last night. About Lancelot.
“They’re meant to be married in hours.” Elyan said.
“The staff are trying to prepare, but no one’s really sure what to do.” Leon gestured to the staff that lingered around, wedding decorations in hand.
Merlin looked over and saw that Agravaine had joined with some council members and were trying to get through. They talked to the guards that were not budging and called through the door to Arthur. When neither had any results Agravaine turned back down the hallway, a smirk on his face that only Merlin would’ve noticed.
As much as Lancelot being brought back, in body only, hurt Merlin, Morgana couldn’t have known that. This was the plan, he knew as the pieces fell together; to get between Arthur and Gwen.
Merlin snuck around the corner to the servants entrance of the antechamber connected to Arthur’s room. Merlin never used it, staying with Gaius instead, and so it remained mostly forgotten. Merlin usually kept it locked, so that others couldn’t use it as a vantage point, but easily got past that with a spell that he didn’t even need words for.
He opened the side door to Arthurs chamber’s slowly, only enough for him to get a glance and to hear their conversation. Gwen was crying, Arthur was angry, and his heavy wooden table was on its side. Arthur was having a hard time looking at her though she was clearly desperate for his gaze.
“Then forgive me because I must be really stupid!” Arthur yelled, he reached out for Gwen and grabbed her by her arms. “What were you doing!”
Gwen cried out, going on to explain everything Merlin knew to be true until the night before. That she loved Lancelot once, but loved Arthur still. That she had waited for Arthur for years, to act on his feelings, to become a better man, to become a king that could change the rules and make a commoner queen.
“You only had to wait one more day.” Arthur told her. His anger simmered more into a hurt that doesn’t lash out, a resigned sort.
Gwen looked similar, and Merlin slipped back out, not wanting to hear as Arthur went on about what would’ve happened during his father’s reign and Arthur’s decision instead.
Merlin would talk to Arthur later, remind him that he loved Gwen and Gwen only, whatever mistakes she made, and he knew that she was meant to be Camelot’s queen. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like that.
But in that moment he felt nothing but defeat. There would be no wedding. Not then. Morgana’s plan worked. And he thought this even before a satisfied Agravaine found Lancelot with a note from his master.